more frustration

If I were an accountant I would have logged probably 200 billable hours during this saga with the Marketplace.  And it still isn't resolved.  I get a different story from everybody I talk to.  I try not to worry about it but damn.  Talk about kicking a girl when she's down.

I also have a wicked case of poison ivy on my arm and my PCP office is closed for some reason.  Guess I'll have to go to urgent care to get steroids.  Tomorrow.  In the rain.  

I ventured out to Kroger this morning and it was a madhouse of folks steady restocking shelves.  The gentleman in front of me had the same birthdate as me only he was born in 1924!  His motorized scooter quit halfway out the door so an employee had to push him to the car.  I used a small buggy and as I was leaving and an elderly lady all masked up wanted to use it.  Soooo...I transferred all my stuff to a big buggy and headed to the car.  

There is a totally hideous junkyard right when you turn off the bypass to come to my house.  They have dumped oil and who knows what into the field next to them which is part of the farm.  I stopped to try to take a picture of the big fat mess of a place and got honked at by some asshole in a truck waiting to unload his "goods."  SMH.  

Anywho.  That's my day.  I just had a long and proper chat with Lorna who told me to stay my ass at home.  And of course I always mind her.  We are true southern ladies with bright minds and a realistic view of this pandemic.  

The highlight of my day was hearing Trump talk about sending generators to a hard hit state.  I was like "What?  They need ventilators, fool."  Somebody corrected him via earbud and told him the right word.  SMH and bless us all.

I think I'll go pull up the Happy playlist and forget about all of it ^j^

ellie strikes again

When I woke up enough to be hungry this morning I went to get the little white doughnuts I bought yesterday.  Now sometimes I put things in strange places so I looked and looked.  I found the evidence, an empty torn up bag, on the living room floor. I then proceeded to wave it at her saying "bad girl...VERY bad girl."  She just looked at me like "yeah, but they were good."  An entire bag y'all.  Since she chewed up my Peepers I had to get new ones at the 'gentral.  I also found a box of prep wipes torn up on the back porch.  This is why we can't have nice things.  I'm just counting my blessings that she hasn't destroyed my new Brooks kicks.  

It's another beautiful day following a stormy night.  The tornado sirens were blaring because Jonesboro had been hit and I suppose it was headed this way.   Fortunately there were no deaths there.  Lauren said Jackson got pretty strong straight line winds and their sirens went off for 30 minutes or more.  

So, here we are in quarantine still.  I'm glad I prefer solitude because it looks like a long haul.  I did some yard work earlier in the week and like a dummy got  poison ivy on my arm.  I'm a gonna' try to self treat with OTC stuff.  

I'm still craving Mexican so tomorrow I'll try to make that happen.  I suppose timing is crucial to be able to get through when they're on the phone constantly taking orders.  Now would not be a good time because it's lunch rush.  

My stupid phone keeps telling me to "be more active" because I'm not meeting my goal.  Well, duh.  The phone doesn't go with me every lap I make around this house.  The ladybugs are still everywhere keeping me company.  Anybody who lives in this neck of the woods knows we are in a food desert.  A new diner has opened at Four Points and I hear it's quite good.  Curbside only though. Even the chicken store has removed their dine in tables.  Looks a lot better if I say so myself.  

I actually read the scriptures ahead of time for today's church service and knew what they were talking about.  I especially loved the part where all of the church staff took turns reading it.  They are doing a fantastic job keeping our flock together remotely.  We are all in this together and hopefully will learn not to take a lot of things for granted.  

Blessings to you and yours ^j^

redbud time

Mine are in bloom and I must say their purple flowers are my favorite spring thing.  There is one in my front yard that I transplanted from the pine grove about ten years ago and it is to die for gorgeous.  Baby ones pop up everywhere out here.  The hostas are coming up now as well.  

Lauren came for a quick visit last night and the plan was for me to call in for Mexican and have her pick it up.  I called all three places and evidently they were overwhelmed with takeout orders (curbside only) and I never was able to get through.  I reckon everybody was craving it for Friday night.  Plan B was Arby's.  

I found out this week that I was issued a new insurance policy that went into effect on 2/1 and I didn't even know it.  Never got cards, just a statement which I assumed was for the policy I already had.  But nooooo....I'm still fighting with the Marketplace over that.  I faxed the last documents that they requested and have a phone call with them scheduled for April 1st.  I did not want a new policy.  The premium for January was paid yet it was termed three days before my emergency surgeries.  According to them a refund has been issued for the premium payment that my brother made.  We were told it had to be paid by January 31st and it was.  This ain't over by a long shot and I may have to lawyer up.  I am piecing together the timeline of things by talking to folks who were around me and advocating for me at that time plus keeping a record of all phone calls with both BC/BS and the marketplace.  My question is this?  Why did they pay for claims made by providers if the policy was not active.  More later as it develops. 

It's unusually warm here with a threat of severe weather.  Typical tornado season weather.  I have been discharged from home health with a promise that I can call them anytime.  That is mighty nice and proof that people are good.  I can't say enough good things about Extendicare of Dyersburg.

I just saw live video of the navy hospital ship that is headed to New York.  They are struggling badly with not only bed capacity but availability of PPE.  Many other places are as well.  This shows how unprepared we were as a country for a pandemic.  

Life goes on.  Babies are born and people die.  Funerals are limited to less than ten people so most aren't having them or are postponing services.  This, to me, is the ultimate in sadness during these times.  There is no closure when a funeral is put on hold.  

Let's all hold hands and pray that this is over sooner rather than later.  Being a "scientist" myself, I have my doubts about the longevity of it.  I don't even think we've seen the peak yet, in spite of attempts to flatten the curve.

Namaste ~

bare cupboard

I hate to grocery shop period.  That being said, I will soon be forced to go out amidst the pandemic and buy some because it's been two weeks and I'm running out of snacks, which is usually what I eat.  All the Cheetos are gone....oh my!  I do have a 24 pack of toilet paper but you can't eat that.  Just sayin'.  I made chicken and dressing yesterday with cornbread that was frozen from my graciously donated meals and some chicken I had cooked and and also frozen.  Steady cleaning out the refrigerator and freezer.

I look forward to the daily devotionals that my church is sharing on their Facebook page as well as the weekly worship services online.  This keeps me grounded in the Spirit and in touch with my church family.  

It was bound to happen y'all.  The most favorite pair of reading glasses I've ever had got chewed in half by the famous Ellie.  They were high dollar and the only ones available at Baptist when I asked Delores to go get me some so I could see my phone while hospitalized.  This, of course, was after I was extubated and could talk.  Bless you my dear friend for hanging with me during that tough time.

My trollish friends are still hanging around but have been mostly silent as we wait to see if Mr. No shuts down the stimulus bill.  Many house members are quarantined and the vote should be done remotely unless some asshat insists on the full deal.  He sounds like a real piece of you know what, according to BOTH parties.  

This crisis is far from over.  The fallout will last for decades. It is inspiring to see other countries like China stepping to the plate to help out with ventilator production and such.  My friends at Tencom have begun production of face shields with a 3D printer.  It's time for us all to come together as a global community and help each other.  This not a race or a competition.  It's a worldwide crisis for which nobody was prepared.  

Peace and Grace to you and your mama'n'them ^j^

dead ladybugs

I have a LOT or their little bodies all over the house and many live ones still swarming.  I've seen a few of the orange ones too which I'm told are Japanese beetles.  I thought they eradicated that pest a long time ago but what do I know.  My daddy tracked them all over west Tennessee back in the day, checking traps and putting pins on a giant map at the USDA.

I've been unable to help my client so I went over to run a few errands for him today.  I managed to get it all right EXCEPT when I left my id in his cash envelope from the bank.  My first chore of the day was to talk to both BC/BS and the Marketplace about my dilemma.  Following that I went to the UPS store and faxed the 2018 tax return that they are itching for.  Six bucks, on me.  

My hearing with the BK trustee about closing it out will be held via phone between my attorney and somebody over in Jackson.  Because hey....of course the court house is closed.  She was asked why they didn't just file a motion, which they did and the trustee said "nah...see you in court."  Of course that was before the big pandemic.  

The mobile staff of Lifeline Blood Services is out at Green Village in front of First Citizens, all masked up.  Don't tell me you don't have time y'all.  Most people who are homebound are bored stiff.  And the sun is out!!!  Praise be.  

I am choosing to see all this insurance hoorah as my time in the desert during Lent.  I have done everything I've been told to do and more and still according to the insurance company I was not covered during the surgeries.  It ended Jan 8.  Surgeries were on 1/13..I will fight this one to the bitter end because it's not my fault.  Somebody didn't dot an I or cross a T somewhere along the paper trail.  BC/BS says I got reinstated as of February 1 but that is no help with this whole thing that ran around 200K.  I may have to sell my *first* only born child.  Or file a Chapter 7.  If that happens, it's on you Trump Administration that chipped away at the ACA.  Bah and a pox on you.  

I don't even care anymore, really.  It's all funny money.  I am fully expecting not to get a stimulus check because I owe the IRS.  We shall see if this government cares about me the little person and all the other little people.  And seriously?  If the public health officials say that it's not safe to gather, please don't haul your butt up into church on Easter like you know who suggested.  To be done with it by then would be a miracle of epic proportions.  God bless you Dr. Fauci.  Thank you for your service.  

All you need is love ~

really??I

I had a video chat with Lauren and Reaves today that was pretty much like Southern Mama only sweeter and without the moustache.  Reaves was all laid out watching cartoons when Lauren decided it was time to eat.  "No cheese" said Reaves.  Alrighty then.  She proceeded to follow her southern mama to the kitchen and ask for cheese.  I saw the teefies on the first bite.  

The saga continues with the Marketplace.  While we are dealing at the marketplace level on the appeal, BC/BS informs me that I was terminated as of January 8th.  Y'all all know the story.  I seriously got assertive and explained that my brother paid the January premium and I was covered.  All of this is over the health insurance premiums that were paid the first year I retired.  COVID be damned....i have to do a face palm.

In the midst of a pandemic, it seems ridiculous to be fighting this fight.  I need Home Health during the time that I'm leading up to surgery number two.  I suppose it would be considered elective.  At least I've got the right kind of bags!  I love my FedEx driver, BTW.  And the mail people.  And Mr Jerry from CandC. And the DoorDash drivers.  I love everybody and you're next!

I think the sun may come out so I gotta' run and check it out.  Be safe but loving.  Remember that it is the Lenten season.  I guess a lot of us gave up peace of mind at some point.  The sun makes it all better ^j^

redux

In my early days as a blogger I remember comments like "oh hell....she's got a day off" This was from peeps at my host company which is Blogger and free.  You can do your own design or hire a graphic artist to do that for you.  I won a contest and got my first blog customized from none other than the famous Tamara. That one ended with the Truman Show scene where Jim Carrey walks away and Ed Harris loses it.  I was done with Poop Happens and moved on to Pecan Lane where I have happily resided for decades.  

As a blogger I began like everybody else.  Using it as a platform for rants.  I met Hospice Guy and a lot of other cool people.  Joe Robinsmith. Drew Frank. Pax Romano. Lori Rosenberg.  Shanon Robinson. Jewels Bee. Old Hoss. Jim Hovendick.  Judy Carrino. Amy Steier. Tisha Sharp. Vicki Luker. I can't remember all of them now but we are all together in this except for Hoss who is in dung beetle heaven.

Blogging is a blessing to me in many ways.  I'm random and often outspoken.  To me personally?  Having a blog is therapy.  I didn't post on FB with the earlier ones because nobody wanted to hear what I was spewing then.  It was a day to day chronicle of caring for elderly parents and working on the frontline of healthcare.  I can tell you this for sure.  What's going on right now is serious and we are not in control.  Sleep on that one ^j^

aaaaand more rain

It's coming one helluva monsoon right now complete with thunder and lightning.  Ellie just decided it was time to come in and get dry.  Oscar was already in because he just likes it here.  

Ellie chased me down the lane when I left for the 'gentral but I outran her.  I swear she can run 25 mph.  

So here's my rant for today and it is so not political it ain't funny.  Blood centers struggle all year long during holiday seasons and the summer when people are "otherwise" occupied with things.  It takes about an hour to give a unit of blood.  During this pandemic things are considerably worse for the shelves of blood banks.  People are advised not to get out or get too close.  It is extremely important to bend the rules a bit and give some blood.  All you have to do is drive to the mobile location.  I guarantee you they will keep you at a safe distance from other donors and check your temp and a whole lot of other things before they take your donation.  

I remember after 9/11 way too many people packed into donation stations to try to "help".  Most of it wasn't used because there were no survivors to treat.  Where are all these crisis heroes day to day and week to week?  Try as they have, scientists have never been able to replicate the oxygen carrying capacity of human blood.  There are certain conditions that are a permanent deferral like cancer.  HIV and Hep C were rolled out during the early years of my career.  There is a system in place in all hospitals called Lookback where if a donor who previously tested negative for something or forgot a detail like a tatoo the hospital who received that unit is notified and it is left up to the medical director whether or not to notify the recipient.  It is all documented by letters and closely monitored.  If the pathologist says follow up, first the transfusing physician is notified.  It is up to that provider to contact the patient.  This is one of the many clerical functions that are required to keep blood transfusion safe.  I know, that was TMI!  Hey.  I'm bored like everybody else. COVID-19 is not transmitted by blood but by droplets. Keep that in mind.

Anywho....I'm anxiously awaiting my next dose of Dr. Fauci and all those who fail to recognize his brilliance.  And I swear if Andrew Cuomo ever runs for President, he's my guy.  I'll buy a hoodie for him like I did for Bernie.  Cuomo is now in charge of the epicenter of this crisis and can't get what he needs from the feds to take care of patients.  That makes me really sad.

Take care and remember, you can still hug if the person promises not to sneeze on you ^j^

ghost town

It is extremely eerie to see empty streets and parking lots where business is usually booming.  I had to go pick up meds and like many other places they are doing drive through only.  So is my bank.  The shady 'gentral was wiped out of toilet paper but they did have paper towels so there you go.  

I use a special kind of colostomy getup called convex.  I ran out of wafers so I had lotso bags but not the right kind of wafer.  So I went to Plan B which was the ones that wouldn't stay on.  And it still didn't.  As I was talking to the HH agency this morning about getting me some wafers lo and behold FedEx pulled up with just what I needed.  All in God's time.

I'm so used to staying at home that it's not a big deal to me.  I rarely go out to eat except for drive through and never shop for clothes.  If I can do it online, that's the way I roll.  Part of that is laziness and part of it is just hating crowds period.  I still have food that I got two weeks ago and it's in the freezer waiting to be cooked when the spirit moves.  And it probably won't be today!

I saw my dear friend Mary Beth behind me in the line at the pharmacy and we waved which about all anybody does these days.  Since nobody goes anywhere and restaurants have closed it has put a damper on our lunches.  Social distancing and all that.  Fine with me as long as I have internet.  If that goes, I'm in deep shit.  

I filled out my census form online today because I was told that the stimulus checks ( if they ever get through fighting ) will be based on that.  I am extremely disappointed in the Dems for holding this up even though I agree with them about the corporate bailouts.  It's time to reach across the aisle and take care of the little people.  Like me and you and your mama'n'them.  Lauren is off for at least two weeks with partial pay for an already slim budget.  I'll just leave that right there. And she is one of many who are feeling the effects of lockdown.  Bless ALL our hearts.  

Keep on the sunny side ^j^

virtual church

My church normally live streams services for those who cannot attend and I've been watching remotely for some time since my surgery.  I went twice before the virus shut things down.  This week, the service was via YouTube and it was actually pretty personal and uplifting even without the crowd.  The staff is keeping regular office hours and urging us to keep the faith and check on others who might need help.  Today's scripture featured Jesus healing the blind man with a mud and spit ball.  Many people believe that when bad things happen God caused it.  I am not one of them.  God is love, as proven through the gift of his son to save us from sin.  We are forgiven.  

Meanwhile, the 'gentral has put toilet paper behind the counter so folks won't stockpile.  Hooray for them!  I keep hand sanitizer in my car now and use it every time I leave a store.  Tennessee is in the top 20 of number of cases per state which seems odd to me.  Last I looked there were 371 confirmed cases which is way below the big three.  I remember watching this whole thing unfold in Wuhan from my hospital bed at Baptist.  Nobody knew at that time it would balloon into a global pandemic.  Kobe Bryant and his daughter were also killed during that time.  My saving grace was watching Kelly and Ryan.  By the time I reached the rehab facility things were beginning to spread and now they are on lockdown.  I pray not to have to go back there.  

Lauren and Reaves have both been sick and of course nobody is doing any traveling so I haven't seen them in two weeks.  Thank goodness for face time!  Her employer will more than likely shut down soon like so many others.  They have changed their hours of operation already.  It is a new way of living for all of us and we must help each other to adapt.  After all, we're in it together.  

Peace and Grace ~

live from the lane

And then the sun came out!  Lord y'all...i've never been so happy to see daylight.  It's cooler but that's okay.  I always tend to jump the gun on planting things.  Tip #1 is don't buy a fern in March.  The wind will whip it to death.  Pansies will survive.

I went out and about today because I felt like it.  At various places and times I heard about companies closing and who got what where.  And you know what?  I wasn't shocked like most people are.  Diseases travel hand to face and via sneezing.  A temp of 100 or over is a red flag.  If you don't wipe down the surfaces the virus rages.  I used to think that was the stupidest thing in the world about wiping lab counters with bleach every shift.  Now, I get it.

I've gotten two FedEx deliveries in two days with lotso' bags but no plates.  I may have to go back to plan B but I have more experience now.  Having a colostomy is a pretty interesting event in this day and time.  It has taught me the importance of proper hand washing and PPE like gloves.  I knew that at work but never really practiced it at home except when handling meat.  Chicken juice...ewww.

I have what I need for now and in the days to come.  The sun is out and I'm gonna' check it out.  Peace and Grace to you and yours.  And all your momma'nthem.

stimulus

Remember the good old days when all we heard about was building a border wall?  That, my friends, is old news in this pandemic.  I am reading and hearing talk about a stimulus payment that should be forthcoming in April.  In typical government fashion their response is to throw money at it to keep the economy from collapsing.  Hey...I'll gladly take the check.  But it makes me wonder why our public health system was gutted and deemed non essential awhile back.  The money could have been put there to help curb the spread of not only COVID but other diseases.  Coulda, shoulda, woulda.  

I can testify that our healthcare infrastructure is fatally flawed.  Most healthcare systems are for profit and not available to lower income folks who don't qualify for Medicaid.  Of course Tennessee turned away federal money by refusing to expand the Medicaid safety net.  Our homeboy, state Senate minority leader Jeff Yarbro explained all of this to a large group of Dyer countians during a town hall meeting.  He is one of my heroes, to say the least.  This is an emergency caused by a communicable disease.  Imagine if those of us sitting on the New Madrid fault were isolated by a major earthquake.  Bridges would be gone or unsafe.  We are totally not prepared for that either.  Even though I am a Bernie supporter, I am not in favor of Medicare for all.  It's not practical.  I do believe that the ACA needs to be fine tuned and returned to its' original intent which was to offer affordable insurance to those who don't have it.  It has been literally a life saver for me.

The tax filing deadline has been pushed to July.  Mine is already done and so is most everybody else's except for those who owe which means the rich.  I'm sure they appreciate the extension.  Meanwhile, I'm still paying back the IRS for a mistake on my 2016 return.  The real bottom feeders are the politicians who sold off their stock because they were privy to information that was not shared with us little people.  I hope they all go to jail, including Dianne Feinstein if she was one of them.  

We now have two confirmed cases in Dyer County according to the local newspaper.  It was only a matter of time.  Nobody is immune to this..rich or poor.  The most important thing is to social distance and wash those nasty paws.  One survivor described his ordeal as "being an inch from death."  I know that feeling all too well.  Had I not gotten the quick and intense treatment that I needed for a perforated small bowel I would have died.  God bless Baptist Memorial and Dr. Drew Turner.  

Y'all be safe and hunker down.  Things are about to get real ^j^

surprise!

I visited my FNP this morning for the first time since the big diverticulitis hoorah. She told me how shocked she was to read all those records that kept coming her way and how I looked MUCH better than she expected including the normal lab results.  And yes, we even hugged.  After that I stopped by my friend's law office and of course he wasn't there.  The door was locked with a sign that advised all comers to call the office number for clearance.  My last stop was at the crack store aka Pennington's to get some pansies and rosemary.  I'm dying to get my hands in the dirt.  

I weigh 127 pounds which has not been a thing since I was in my 20s.  Everybody tells me how little I look and I believe it.  Nothing fits anymore as I was 143 before the whole diverticulitis episode.  I guess I'll have to spend my "stimulus" check on new pants.  If it ever comes.  Call me jaded, but I don't believe it until I see it.  Me and another lady in the waiting room had church this morning as we discussed God and healing and every other little thing.  We were on a roll with the spirituality thing and another guy kept talking about how there's no meat to be found at his grocery store.  This is scary stuff folks, and enough to make me determined to have a garden this year.  Country folk will survive.

I miss my girls tremendously.  They both stay sick for reasons I won't mention here.  Reaves is due to have her tonsils out next month if there's no lockdown on elective surgeries which is a real possibility.  That could also affect me and what I have on the horizon.  It's one day at a time now which is not actually a bad way to live.  It is the basis of 12 step programs and we are all learning that it's out of our hands.  

Peace and Grace ^j^

some people

I just went to the store for my daily run and was behind a guy who spent over fifty bucks on lottery.  When I said something to the clerk about it, she remarked that it was the third time today he had done that.  As I got in my car I saw him steady scratching off in his truck.  I seriously don't get it.   I've never been a gambler and that kind of money is not in my budget.  I am still waiting to hear the verdict on my appeal to the marketplace over  1300 bucks which my brother paid while I was hospitalized.  Of course I still owe a lot of other providers which I will deal with when the dust settles.  My hospital bill at Baptist was 138,000 for a seven day stay vs 6000 for the initial ER visit locally.  Lerd.

And the rain continues at a depressingly steady rate.  I can't remember the last time the sun was out around these parts.  My yard is a giant mudhole and the driveway is too.  The ditches have been cleaned out to where the water doesn't stand at the end of the lane but it's everywhere else.  Looks like a late planting season.  At least it's not cold or this could all be ice.  

I have an FNP appointment tomorrow and one with the Memphis surgeon in May to discuss reversing the colostomy, probably in June or July.  My ride or die friend Gigi will be taking me in May because she knows the location like the back of her hand.  Of course by then we may all be on lockdown.  The US/Canada border is now closed to all but "essential" traffic.  I wonder if that includes people who work in one country and commute from the other one.  Trump says it will not affect trade.  And West Virginia is finally on the COVID map making it unamimous that we have cases in all 50 states.  

This is a time when I am grateful not to be on the front lines of healthcare like I was for 41 years.  Working in a hospital setting is stressful even under normal circumstances and these days are far from normal.  There are not enough ventilators or ICU beds in our country.  Our testing was delayed by at least a month.  That is why the numbers are going up now.  To say that we are not prepared is an understatement.

I have the luxury of staying home but most do not and I appreciate all those who are getting the job done during these trying times.  The airline industry is asking for a bailout after they did a massive stock buyback.  Fortunately the powers that be are grilling them big time and slapping their hands for being greedy.  From what I understand their laid off employees will not be paid.  What a disgrace.

That, my friends, is all I've got today.  Just a general mishmash of rambling about every little thing which is what I do best.  Y'all keep the faith and carry on ^j^

things i've learned the hard way

On the top of the list is this:  Pride goeth before a fall.  I used to be prideful about a whole helluva' lot of things including the respect that I had through my parents.  To this day I'm still Billy and Janice's daughter and that makes me humble.  

Always leave room for compromise.  To mediate a dispute is to hear both sides of the argument.  This is particularly true for politics and is a glaring problem.  When we reach across the aisle, so to speak, we are offering to listen and come to a solution for the common good.  The problem is, some folks aren't even capable of seeing the other side due to a lack of empathy.  

Colostomy is a good alternative to dying.  Granted, they are a lot of trouble but you get used to it.  It took forever and a day to find a bag that would stay on me.  High five to the staff at Extendicare for sticking with me during those tough times.  I can't name them all because it would take all day.  I've seen just about every nurse on the staff, sometimes in the middle of the night.  

Pandemics suck.  I tend to view COVID-19 as a wakeup call concerning the infrastructure of not only healthcare but the entire country.  I shudder thinking that only several weeks ago I was in a nursing home and now they're on lockdown.  Visits from friends and family are what kept me going.  

This too shall pass, if we leave room for the spirit to work.  Hat tip to Billy Yates there.  Eventually all bad things get better.  Sometimes they get WORSE before they get better, but I digress.  I'm such a Pollyanna that I can see a silver lining to just about everything.  Maybe not right then, but I see it.  

Tribes are vital to well being.  I cannot imagine not having mulitple people to count on even if just for emotional support on the phone.  Bonds are made to be treasured when a friends or family memeber sticks with you.  I remember when I was threatening to come home from the rehab on night 1.  MB made an emergency visit to talk me out of it.  Everyone was scared I was going to just hobble out and get a taxi.  My daughter, bless her soul, supported me in whatever I decided to do even though it was with great concern and much caution.  At the time I had three dogs one of which can knock down a grownup.  That wound would have been torn wide open.  I decided to stay and tough it out because I knew in my heart I wasn't ready to go it alone.  During the weeks that followed countless people brought food, gave rides and otherwise supported me.  It takes a village.

Kindness is contagious....like a good virus instead of a sickly one.  Some people won't ever get that concept but I'm seeing more and more of it.  The 'gentral stores are reserving their first hour for the elderly.  And the first time I see some punk coming in there at 8:01 to get an energy shot I'll bust his or her chops.  Gaga don't play well with stupid people.

A messy house is a sign of either genius or ADHD...maybe both.  Mine is not nasty nasty but there's a lot of stuff. I pay more attention now to cleaning up behind myself where before I would just pitch things AT the garbage can.  I have some tables ready to sort through and except for the photo albums, it will be a done deal.  YEAH I know.  It's only been five years...snicker.

Climate change is real.  I heard it for years but am now convinced that we're headed for disaster globally if more folks don't grasp the science.  I'm assuming most of the deniers don't watch Bill Nye or Neil D Tyson.  Their loss and ours too.  Once again, you can't fix stupid.  You can medicate it and try to contain it but ultimately you have to walk away.  

Weed is not a drug.  It is a plant that can be used to cure people of a whole bunch of things and it has taken a lot of years of fighting by advocates to get this medicine available to folks outside of dealing with who knows what you're getting.  Regulate it and tax it.  Build more products with hemp.  Wood is a good starter.  The possibilities are endless.  I fully believe that big pharm is why it has taken so dang long.  They've already tried to get a piece of the pie.  I remember when Daddy was like totally freaking out all the time and my brother asked me about a drug call Marinol.  Turns out it is THC.  He never got it but I wish he had.  Mostly he stayed in a Seroquel stupor.

Well, I've rambled on enough about life's lessons...just a few of them.  More later kids.  As Trae says "Love you like chicken!"

supply and demand

Okay folks, this is ridiculous.  I went to my usual store for toilet paper and they were out.  Sooo, I went to the shady 'gentral that has less traffic.  They had some and I bought a four pack.  In front of me were two young women with a buggy full of the same four packs.  WTF?  The hysteria is palpable everywhere you go.  My doggies have a bad habit of following me when I leave the driveway and normally I outrun them but today Ellie was standing in the middle of Samaria Bend as I took off toward town.  When I got back they were nowhere to be found and I went in search of them.  I found 'em running around in the rain and mud off of Samaria Bend and they followed me home.  Critters!  Oscar got his face dipped in mud yesterday so that little romp in the rain cleaned him a bit.  I didn't dare try to clean him up myself.  His little traumatized terrier self has been known to bite.

My neighbors brought supper last night and it was steak again!  Oh my how I love those folks.  I was responding to a messenger post a minute ago and somehow started a live video chat with me looking all serious down at the phone.  I am dangerous with electronics, to say the least.  As for me and mine, I will carry on as usual in these trying times, being sure to stay away from sneezers and coughers.  The number of people infected is actually unknown due to lack of testing capabilities.  Plus HHS was cyberattacked last night.  Lerd.

Y'all play nice and share your toilet paper with those who are without.  Same for food and every other little thing that is in high demand.  It's what Jesus would do ^j^

social distancing

That has become a buzz phrase for the entire world as we deal with COVID-19.  As I am not much of a traveler, it's not hard for me.  I missed church this morning not because I was afraid to go but because I overslept.  As usual, I watched online as an obviously shaken staff carried on and announced that there would be no service next week.  Only remote.  It was eerie to say the least, yet I understand an overabundance of caution in these times.  We do not know the big picture on this thing, partly because we are not being told.  The lack of testing is a huge problem that won't be solved quickly.  

I'm a gonna' have to do art by myself today because the girls didn't come.  I promise you, there will be pictures of pictures.  It seems surreal that two months ago a bunch of faithful artisans filled the library with their talent.  Nobody sold a thing but it gave a lot of joy to patrons.  I have since called dibs on two pieces of pottery.  I seriously hope she takes checks.  My friends Mamye and Steve brought me a steak from Abe's last night and I ate like it was the last supper.  I cannot tell you when I last had some ribeye.  There's a special place in heaven for friends like that.  Just sayin'

Channeling Bob Marley here  "Don't worry. Be happy!"

divine intervention

As I was watching the COVID-19 task force address the nation I got a text in multiple parts from my church.  In short it said that the Bishop has left it to the discretion of each church to choose whether or not to have weekly worship services.  We understand if you are not comfortable in the crowd.  If you are sick stay home and watch remotely.  Now I've been watching livestream during the time I could not get out post-op.  It's almost like being there.  That being said, I'm proud of our church staff for prayerfully going ahead with worship tomorrow.  In these panic stricken hysterical times, we need each other in community.  If I don't make it, it will be because my kids are here not because of the virus scare.

Reaves has turned into quite the little artist and I didn't have much for her to work with so I hit up the 'gentral today for some art supplies.  It was busy, but I didn't notice any panic buying.  Yesterday when I was there a woman checked out in front of me with some items from the clearance bins.  Her total was 67 cents.  Wise woman.  

I'm still waiting to see to whom I owe what when the dust settles over the surgeries.  I did make a payment to the guy in Jackson that I saw over the carotid issue in December.  The one who told me "I don't know why you're here."  Oh boy.  To cover somebody's ass I suppose.  And make you some money!  I know I sound jaded but that's what comes with being a lifelong healthcare provider.  Sometimes I know things that I wish I didn't.

So.  Wash your hands.  Become a hermit if you like.  Watch your events livestream if available.  I really wish the games would go on, even without spectators.  I mean gah.  These are American traditions.  But hey...nobody asked me.  All I can say is just keep the faith ^j^

life goes on

I distinctly remember attending my uncle's funeral years ago when the fairground area was still by the graveyard.  It seemed eerily inappropriate for the playing of Taps to be accompanied by the gaudy carnival music.  Yet that is the way of life.  In spite of death, pandemics and other disasters, life does indeed go on.  A state of emergency has now been declared by the governor of Tennessee.  You can see the effects by visiting a store and trying to find toilet paper, hand sanitizer and antiseptic wipes.  I snagged the last of the cheap wipes at the 'gentral this morning.  Only one.  That's all I need.  It makes me mad to see so many people stockpiling with no regard for others.  And retailers are loving it.  

Self quarantine is not a biggie to me because I'm a homebody by nature.  I did, however, hug my friend at the tax accountant's office when I dropped by to pick mine up.  You gotta have hugs, ya know?  My cool hospitalist at Baptist came by every day and looked at my progress.  One day he turned up with a mask on and insisted on a fist bump instead of a handshake.  This was way before Covid had reached the US yet he was showing proper precautions because he was sick.  It's common sense, y'all.

I think back to when we had to find a babysitter on a snow day or holiday and marvel at what parents are facing now.  With schools out, not only is childcare an added burden but some of those kids won't get to eat.  Sad stuff.  Their parents can't afford healthy food at all, much less stockpile it.  Several care facilities for the elderly here at on lockdown which means these folks don't get to see their families.  Also sad.

Oscar bit me on the hand last night because I startled him when he was asleep by trying to get him to move.  This dog doesn't have a mean bone in his body but when he's asleep and wakes up suddenly that's his normal reaction.  Part of it is being a terrier but the other part is that he was abused by his former owners.  He literally escaped from their house and came to live with me after having scoops cut out of his back.  He and Ellie both are missing Sammy D terribly.  So do I.

I will not criticize Trump or anybody else today because I'm not perfect.  He scares me to death with his lack of understanding on a lot of issues and his bad ass persona, but it is what it is and me complaining doesn't change anything.  I just try to look on the sunny side.  My friend has a son who lives and teaches in Japan.  His wife is a physician and they travel often but she has advised that they cancel plans.  This is what it's doing all around the world.  No March Madness.  No NBA.  No concerts.  No large gatherings period.  Passing the peace at church now consists of jazz hands!

Democrat caucuses at both the district and state level will be held by teleconference to avoid the large gathering of delegates.  Pretty soon we'll all be doing face time by computer.  I miss my girls but I'm still not up to the hour and a half travel time driving myself.  Ellie had an appointment for a yearly exam today at 9 and I just didn't have the energy to handle that.  It is an ordeal to get her big strong self into a car and vet's office.  Last time she pulled me down on the floor trying to get to the back!

I still miss my parents terribly even after five years.  I suppose that never really goes away.  Part of it is that I am the elder now in our family and that's kind of scary.  What's even more scary is the piles of their history still occupying my house.  Time to downsize.  I've been working at it a little at a time and the "stuff" is now on three surfaces waiting to be culled.  Damascus will get a lot of it.  Lauren will eventually get the rest.

My mother's penchant for detail and recording history is evident in the boxes of personal diaries and photo albums.  Every event was captured and categorized.  I wish I had half of her organizational skills but I'm not the one who got that.  My brothers did!  We all got the running Stafford fit gene.  Just saying.

Be safe and wash your hands ^j^

the containment

New Rochelle is now a "containment area" due to a large number of cases, most of which are traced back to one lawyer.  This is how Covid-19 can take off like fire on dry grass.  Simply put, it is a public health wildfire.  Most of what I hear from Trump supporters is how many people have died from the flu vs this particular coronavirus.  That is like comparing apples to oranges.  His attempt to calm the country in a speech was confusing and not helpful.  Are we surprised?  Ummm. No.  

I got out for a bit this morning to run an errand or two, trying to beat the thunderstorms that are across the river and heading this way.  I keep thinking about what a sitting duck I am on top of this hill during tornado season.  In my 31 years here we've only had one close call when a twister barely missed us and hit the golf course instead, among other places.  Lauren and I took out in the darkness of that aftermath and the path was blocked everywhere we turned in town.  It was probably stupid not to shelter in place but we were terrified.  I remember trying to open the back door after I got a call from my weather man brother in Memphis and I couldn't open it.  Bad sign.  I sincerely hope that Nashville is spared from another hit.  

Other than that, I've got nothing.  My healing continues and the weeks pass as I anticipate another surgery this summer to reverse what was done.  I am not at all excited about that but it is what it is.  Either have the surgery or live with a bag forever.  I am told it's not nearly as bad as what I've been through.  Nevertheless, it is major surgery.  Again.

I still play "what if" with the whole thing.  What if that ER doc had ordered a CT when I showed up in the middle of the night?  What if I had followed my friend's advice and had a CT earlier.  What if.  I'm just grateful to be alive because it was a very serious situation.  Lauren was totally freaked out as were many of my tribe.  When I woke up in ICU and saw not one but two preachers at bedside, I knew things were not good.

I have never been entubated prior to that experience and it was horrifying to wake up and not be able to communicate.  I've seen it many times in my hospital career but it's different when it's YOU.  It gives me a lot more empathy for those who end up on a vent long term.  I was on 5L of oxygen that was weaned down over the span of a week.  The surgeon said my recovery was nothing less than miraculous.  

Y'all keep an eye on the weather and keep the faith ^j^

god will provide

Here we are, knee deep in the wilderness that is Lent.  My home church is having a midday prayer service each Wednesday during the season.  Today's scripture was about Moses and the Israelites who were hammering him with questions about their thirst after they had already been provided with manna and crossed over from bondage safely.  All it took was for him to strike a rock with his staff and voila!  Water for everybody.  How often do we doubt the power of God instead of trusting.  I don't know about you, but I believe if we listen, He will answer.

It came a freakin' monsoon this morning and stopped just before I left for church.  By the time we got out it was clear and the sun was shining.  That is how quickly things can change.  When things are dark it is often hard to believe that life will ever be different.  During the time that me and the nurses couldn't get a bag to stay in spite of valiant effort, that is how I felt.  Through time and perseverance and a LOT of faith, a solution was found.  All during the trials I had to keep reminding myself that I was lucky to be alive.  I prayed the Serenity Prayer more during that hospitalization than ever in  my life.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change like the noise level and inability to sleep.   It got me through some seemingly impossible times when I thought I would lose what mind I had left.  God provided.t

I am extremely concerned about the mindset of this administration that Covid-19 is a democratic plot to undermine him.  Listen dude....even Dems don't have that kind of superpower.  His response is to ignore it and it will go away and it baffles me the number of people who buy that.  Claiming that he has more knowledge than scientists who have spent their lives studying is pretty lame.  Oh and by the way....somebody at Twitter PLEASE close his account.

I have a lot of things on my mind and there are decisions to be made.  I am prayerfully approaching them and watching for signs from above.  Learning the hard way, I don't make snap decisions any longer.  Some may call it procrastination or fear, but I take my time and look for the RIGHT time.  

Grace and Peace ^j^

 

mean people suck

Oh, I'm not talking about anybody specifically.  Just mean people in general.  I have never understood how a spirit can be turned toward anger when it comes to the way you treat other folks.  I've had some pretty bad treatment in my life but NEVER have I hated anybody that much.  I tend to not hold a grudge or dwell on the past.  IMO the meanness comes from feeling inferior and a desire to control.  Like with Trump, for instance.  I don't hate him, I just feel helpless.  I'm told that if I just wait a few years it will be different.  We don't have that kind of time, ya know?

Meanwhile, I went shopping for a plunger this morning.  That was the extent of my getting out.  I've been pushing it lately so it's time to chill a bit.  I got stuff in the mail today like doctor bills and my Medicare supplement contract.  I'll probably change it before September but... AARP also blessed me with a magazine and an opportunity to purchase better life insurance than what I have.  Bingo.  

There are flowers everywhere on the hill thanks to faith years ago by me and Mrs. Council.  The buttercups were from Breck's mostly and have done very well in spite of being mowed at times.  Some of them go by other names like daffodils or narcissus but they're all buttercups to me!  

Let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya ^j^

and then it rained

I am listening to the wind and rain up here on the hill at the top of Pecan Lane.  It sounds fierce but I ain't scared.  Bring it, I say.  Mama Bear has been on high alert today which is what happens when you think about injustice.  Heal your own issues dude.   

I went grocery shopping today after my HH visit from Brad.  BP was within the safe zone.  Wound has bandaids instead of wet to dry or wound vac.  I count this as a win.  Lord only knows how I've been healed!  I saw my brother there at Kroger and he just showed up.  He didn't help with the groceries but it was good to see him nonetheless.  My current assignment is to wash those nasty dishes and a few clothes.  Other than that it's all unicorns and rainbows!  

It's Lent so I am kinda' in the wilderness so please indulge me.  Just keep the faith and carry on ^j^

big faith

Today's service was all about old Nicodemus and being born again.  His curiosity got him a lesson in how your private faith is well..okay.  But it's only through giving God control of your life that you exhibit big faith that others can see, connect with and want to experience.  Many of us are that way when we don't have conversations about spirituality.  I've always been one to just jump in there and say I believe.  Yet my actions didn't always reflect that.  I had a mean streak back in the day, one that did not forgive easily.  I kept grudges and talked about folks and generally didn't share that I am a child of God.  That changed over the years as I talked with others from "more restrictive" denominations that God is not vengeful unless you piss him off.  Those beliefs have scared generations of people into fear of the Lord and his wrath over you not following the rules.  

My girls came to see me today and we had FUN then ordered some expensive food.  Reaves was already full of chocolate mint ice cream and orange yogurt.  I'm sure she will enjoy that mac and cheese if there's any left!  And then my boyfriends showed up and the rest is history.

Keep the faith ^j^

first time for everything

As with all things political, my first caucus was full of rules.  Due to gender apportionment the chair of my caucus and one of the others were not eligible.  Alrighty then.  We had three in the room because Bloomberg got the 15% that means you must have a caucus.   The next event is at the district level in two weeks.  Two hours five miles away wore me out today.  We shall see!  It was good to be in a room where everybody was on the same page.  A support group, if you will.

My dear friend came to visit and brought me a piece that Kentucky cousin made for her back in the day.  Beautiful stained glass with one piece missing.  That, can be fixed by someone with the knowhow.  We talked about every little thing and promised to stay in touch.  She even suggested I start a Gofundme called "Poopie needs a car".

I passed my neighbor on the way home and he was enjoying his walk in the sun.  This guy has helped me sooooo many times I can't count.  Plus he feeds me and they are good cooks.  Just saying.

We finally have a coronavirus case confirmed in TN but that's probably because we don't get out much.  The potential for spread on college campuses is enormous and also for nursing homes.  I have health insurance through the ACA which has slowly but surely been dismantled by the GOP.  That is not good news for me OR you.  A plan that allows people to keep their job's insurance but provides for the rest of us is ideal.  I'm now one of "the rest of us."  Tennessee, which was hit by one of the most devastating tornadic evens in state history, held a vote the day after on a bill establishing no permit carry.  Let that sink in.  I hear Trump showed up for a photo op but was then whisked away to a golf course.  Could be rumor.

Y'all don't forget to spring forward ^j^

jesus in the house

One of the questions that I was asked following my near death experience was if I saw Jesus in the room.  I'm sure He was there but I didn't spot him in the corner or anything.  Nor did I see a bright white light.  The only otherworldly thing I remember was loud Vietnamese chanting in the ICU room next to mine and that was pretty surreal.   Another time when my oxygen got low in a regular room, I had a wild dream about my friend Rachel as I listened to the IV sounding like a slot machine.  I didn't sleep more than an hour for that entire week, and not much more at the rehab.  It's all a big blur.  I appreciate every good night of sleep I get now.  I even googled how long you can live without sleep!  

I have (somewhat) organized the paperwork from that experience into recognizable piles and am still dealing with the marketplace appeals center for a decision on my case.  I found out two days prior to the emergency that I owed 1300 bucks for January and Gigi filed an appeal after my brother paid it.  Like the guy told me on the phone today, I've been dealing with this for two months.  Jumping through hoops, so to speak.  I guess that's a way of life for everybody when it comes to healthcare.

So, Trump is going to cut our "entitlements" even though he promised not to.  The man talks out of both sides of his mouth according to whom he is speaking.  A lot of politicians do that in both parties but he's the master.  His supporters disrupted a Bernie rally in their latest attempt to spread hate.  Nazi my ass...you can kiss mine.  One thing is for sure, these cuts won't be made pre-election because his party would turn on him big time.  Everybody will.  Don't mess with the money we have paid in over the years.  It's ours!

Which brings me around to the crisis which is access to healthcare.  Our country is one of the greatest in the world yet cracks in the infrastructure are appearing daily.  For profit healthcare is not a good model but even non-profits gouge patients.  I have worked for them all....county owned, not for profit and for profit.  The bottom line is the same.  Most medical practices are now owned by giant healthcare systems. While I am forever grateful to Baptist Health for saving my life, I am shocked at the cost as a retired individual.   This is why people keep working until they die.

Okay, rant over.  I am not the only one who feels frustrated by any means.  We have no voice really.  The whole thing is run by big pharma and big insurance so we are powerless...pawns in a big corporate game.  That being said, the sun will come up tomorrow.  

^j^

in limbo

That's kind of how I feel right now, if you know what I mean.  There's a part of me that is still feeling the ambulance rides and then the other side says...girl.  Put on them big panties.  My mother actually gave me a pair one year!  I got a surprise visit from the girls last night and after much deliberation we decided on grilled turkey and cheese plus ice cream.  Except Reaves just had ice cream for dinner.  And yogurt.  And M&Ms, in Easter colors.

There is a side of me that wants more than anything to be close to my girls..and I indulge that thought in this time of in between.  The problem for me would leaving the serenity of this farm.  I want Reaves to experience that just like Lauren did.  My brother told me once "if you don't own it, you can't defend it" and he's right.  Yet I think that the owners of this place are good and honest folks who want to preserve the history.  They could have already made a kazillion by developing it yet they choose to honor the heritage.  That..means a lot.

Things are greening up which means I need to catch up with Mayberry and start over.  Such is life on the farm.

"And this too shall pass"  

alrighty then

Today was my first to get out and run a couple of errands.  That plus hauling the garbage can to the road about did me in!  The home health nurse came shortly after and pronounced me fit in spite of the high pulse.  We wrote that off to my activity level this morning.  Climbing the steps to my house is an aerobic workout in and of itself.  I see now why old folks can't navigate stairs.  

I either killed the outlet or flipped a breaker by running the microwave and something else so I have to investigate that.  It's time like those that I really miss having a guy around to help with the little things.  Being the other half of the rent would be nice too but I tried that one time and it didn't work too well.  Live and learn.

So, Bloomberg pulls out and backs Biden.  Bernie is just a hair behind Joe but still hanging strong because he didn't get ANYBODY's endorsement and is still there.  That speaks volumes, plus the fact that his campaign has been financed by individual small donations.  Fortunately I will not have to change my preference at the local convention Saturday.  

The death toll keeps rising in the Nashville area and there are a lot of folks still missing.  Prayers for some peace in a grueling recovery process.  My chuch is having weekly services during Lent and I passed on today but will go during the coming weeks.  Now that I have a car I can drive myself to church if I can manage to get my act together enough.  That comes and goes, ya' know.

I still see this as a big puzzle as to how I'm alive after almost dying twice in two weeks.  There must be a reason....some purpose for me that hasn't been revealed yet.  Recovery from the surgery has given me time to dwell on that as I rest.  Right now I'm just happy to be above ground for another day, as they say in the business.

Peace and love ^j^

super tuesday

Well, today is the day that we see who takes on Trump in November.  The field has shrunk a LOT and the candidates who have dropped out are endorsing mostly Biden.  We shall see.  I will go with whomever is blue.

March is typical tornado season in this alley and we dodged a bullet last night but Nashville was hit hard.  Last I heard 19 were killed in the area that covers three counties.  It's only a matter of time until West Tennessee gets hit again.  There's something about those twisters coming across the Big Muddy.

I picked my car up today with a second new battery in one year.  Bart said there was a short in the radio that was "drawing" on it and thus it died.  That cost me upwards of 200 bucks adding in the fee for the tow.  Thank goodness I had it.  I was so eager to get her and not be dependent on rides that I forgot to be nervous driving home.  Robert told me the car needed "new everything" which is true.  I'm shopping right now in preparation for a purchase if the stars line up.  

It's so odd how the weather dawns beautiful and bright after a night of wicked weather.  I cannot imagine surveying the demolition of your home on a sunny day like today.  Or planning a funeral.  

Don't forget to wash your hands.  And sing happy birthday.  Twice.  

^j^

hysteria and the nazi state

I seriously cannot believe that we are where we are today.  Now I'm a lifetime healthcare provider and well aware of the dangers of a pandemic but we are not there yet, by any means.  That being said, it is absurd for the government to silence federal agencies in charge of emergency response.  That's how bad stuff happens when we aren't aware.  And yes, I'm a conspiracy theorist.  The Tomorrow Man is about just that.  It was a great movie that showcased what fear can do to a life and how taking a leap of faith can turn out good.  

I'm not afraid of much which can be a blessing.  Being of the "if they can't kill you they can't eat you" mentality I have pretty firm boundaries.  I chatted with the behavioral health person at BC/BS this morning to line up some proactive counseling.  I'd  say there's enough going on in my life to warrant that.  She was convinced that I wasn't going to commit suicide and offered to hook me up.

It's a lovely spring teaser of a day on Pecan Lane.  Wish y'all were here to enjoy it.  Peace and love ^j^

new socks

One of my greatest joys these days is finding matching socks because I bought a ginormous stack of comfy ones at the 'gentral.  I am known to wear mismatched socks when they weren't even cool because I don't think people look at my feet.  They're too busy enoying my wit and warmth!  

I watched church online again today because I woke up with the epizootie that feels something like the flu.  Body aches, sore muscles, all that jazz.  There's a front blowing in and that probably explains it.  Always before a rain, ya know.

Lauren is sick again too so no visit today.  Reaves went to the zoo yesterday and from the pictures I saw she had a wonderful time.  I imagine monkeys were her favorite because she's kinda' like one herself.  

I heard a Joe Biden ad on the radio today and had kind of forgotten that Super Tuesday is coming up.  I don't know what's going on with the DNC but the way they're ganging up on Bernie I don't care for.  Anybody but him?  Come on people.  At this point without Russian interferance, even I could beat him.  What are you afraid of?  From a public health point of view he has done the worst thing possible to ease fears from the viral load that is corona.  Muzzling federal health agencies is like holding us hostage.  Rant over.  Oh and BTW, it was a man not a "lovely woman."  Idiot.

SNL is back which gives me reason to live and laugh.  I have such a twisted sense of comedy that I get a lot of things that people don't think are funny.  Sometimes, you just gotta' laugh.  

Over and out from Pecan Lane ^j^