Friday, October 31, 2014

one good reason

I am a huge Paul Carrack fan from way back in the day and his music is the kind that gives me the clarity to make sense of what life has handed me. By Ebola and Russian standards, it's been pretty damn good, like the Cleavers only in the country. We were on the fringes of high society separated only by the loss of the family fortune in the 70's. At that time my mother and aunt became my Gaga's caretaker and found her a duplex she could afford on SS only I bet there was some supplemental $ to keep her there. Aunt Nancy and Uncle Jimbo bought the house across the street and made it cute as hell. There was a little pond on the patio and I can see BG and Kristen as two year olds going for a swim. Jim had a way of making everything special, sort of like my mama. I can't count the number of times they moved but the last house he bought was a two story treasure in Newbern that we salvaged and he flipped. That was in his spare time from being a band leader and music instructor.

Sometime in his early fifties Jimbo made a random visit to his GP who did blood work and found his bone enzyme levels to be quite elevated. As it turned out, he had prostate cancer with bone mets. He lived for about four more years thanks to the anti-testosterone drug. Doing fine...changed jobs after many years and was everybody's hero over in Obion County with his creative field shows. Suddenly, the cancer became aggressive and took over his bone marrow requiring frequent blood and platelet transfusions. A negative, if memory serves me correctly. As a healthcare geek I saw it coming for about six months before anybody else had a clue that the end was near. He had violent reactions to the platelet transfusions that kept him from bleeding to death but then he died anyway, at an age younger than I am now. Aunt Granny has never been the same since.

His funeral was a packed out church full of folks including the entire Obion County Central marching band, in uniform. I was seated between his two daughters with whom I had spent my entire childhood being who we were. There was a marching band contest for many years, held in October and his family presented the winning band with a a silver cup. The generation that remembers he and my grandmother for their achievements are slowly becoming elders themselves. I had to run down and medicate Mama last night because she was all anxious about ummm. I don't have a clue except that nothing has changed since she left in an ambulance 9 weeks ago. On a side note, I'm wearing the stole with pockets that Blogfairy sent me last Christmas as well as the black undershirt. It's cold and I reckon it's time but damn I still owe propane guy 200 bucks. There will be much covering of windows on the northwest side, just saying.

My friend TinaBelle never fails to dress up for Halloweenie and today was no exception. She was sporting a hot pink jacket with black poodles and matching pink converse. The patient access department was a whole bunch of dalmatians with one evil lookin' bitch as their leader. The last time I dressed up was as a street reporter headed to the bar and the girls at the chicken store made me come in and pay which was not required at the time.

Just got a request from the grands to run out to Kroger and pick up her nerve pills and I flat refused but offered to share a couple of mine. They are literally wearing me out and it's nobody's fault. With my clusterf**k of a life, I wouldn't count on me much longer if I were them. Boundaries are meant to be set. We've had this big dramafest over the past 24 hours with the county law and a several year old unsolved murder that happened around Halloween. Poor girl's body got thrown in the kudzu and wasn't found for six weeks. According to our weekend forecast, I'd say the local kudzu cover will be gone by Monday.

TGIF and praise sweet baby jeebus. Leave a message at the beep.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

shake it off

Lord have mercy y'all...times are tense. It's been way too long since I sat on the beach with an umbrella drink and listened to the surf. There's something about that horizon that just makes me feel small but important all at the same time. I will never forget the mother daughter trip me and Liz took with our girls where I mostly sat on the balcony and drank beer while they were out partying. No tattoo for BG on that go-around. My last trip was farther east to Sandestin and I can honestly say it was worth the extra miles. That was four and a half years ago and too far from the sand. I want to hear the surf when I go to sleep, ya know?

Mama's second day home was challenging what with a brand new intake by my favorite nurse Dana and PT with Mario. She's still kind of uneasy not having somebody to help her get around except for Daddy which I totally understand. She honestly told me that the reason he's talking to himself "now" is that she was gone so long. I gently broke it to her that it's been going on steady for the past two years. He is afraid because he is responsible for her and it puts him in OCD overdrive. Ms. Faye said he slept a lot while she was gone which is always good. If he's napping there's no schedule! It's cloudy again following a beaUUTIFUL day with lots of eye candy. My favorites are the gumball trees and maples.

I'm learning to trust again..not only myself but others who have given me plenty of reason not to. Right now I'm listening to the Doobie Brothers and their post-Katrina masterpiece. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for what happened there and the fact that Ray was just living fat and sassy while all those folks just washed away. The coast has recovered which is amazing considering the fact that Sandy came along and did the same thing years later. Cities in the Keys have water in the streets outside businesses. Tell me that shit ain't real. The thing that makes me the maddest is the the Corp spent funds designated on shoring up those levees on other projects. But maybe it's not their could just be global warming and a total denial of it by most people Republicans. I just hope I have the big one before the Hunger Games comes to Pecan Lane.

Meanwhile the DEA is busting legal grow operations in Colorado playing Big Ike because it's one week away from an election. Meanwhile our local county law enforcement has made two grow busts in private homes because, once again it's a week away from the election. I don't give a rat's ass who is mayor but I do have something to say about those props and my voice will be heard. BG and I have a date for the polling.

I'm sitting here looking out the uncovered windows watching nature. The squirrels and birds are scurrying around on their winter forage. There is only one dog on my bed right now and it's SammyD of course. He's getting on up in years but can still run like the wind. So can the other three. The damn cat just waits to be fed and pees on things if it doesn't happen quickly enough. WHATEVER bitch.

Happy Halloween Eve peeps. You may not recognize me tomorrow ^j^

Monday, October 27, 2014

watching the fall blow in

I think we set a record high today here on the lane and now the wind is whipping in that hot way that lets you know change is coming. Mama got to come home today from the sawmill and it was a much easier transfer now that she's walking a bit. One of the redcoat volunteers wheeled her out to the car and told me that she remembered both she and Daddy from their own volunteer days. Daddy got mad and quit when they moved their seats away from the original elevators. His red jacket and her pink one hang in my closet next to the never sold wedding dress and vintage girl scout uniform. I forgot I had mom's phone in my pocket so here comes Daddy up the hill on his gator with a mission of getting HER phone so that they could have three between them.

There have been times in my life when I thought I knew it all and looking back I think that it was a defense mechanism born of being called a stoopid girl. I have tried valiantly to learn survival techniques during my tenure as a single lady and have been fortunate enough to be sister to a brother who takes care of the stuff I don't have a clue about. I can feel myself slowly being engulfed in the manic phase of co=dependency where you try and try and try again to control outcomes. Reality says that isn't possible and it results in a lot of stress. Ya' think? That's the whole concept of "one day at a time" and the next right thing. Nothing can change the past and the guilt from it is enough to make us miserable if we let it. I choose not to.

Adding insult to injury, the tank on our water pump sprung a leak from rusted out spots so there's zero pressure and a lot of wet gravel. One of the Pritchett gang is across the lane plowing corn fields to get ready for wheat. Mama remarked on our ride home that the Camry was pretty loud and then told me about when she and daddy drove the back streets of Martin because they had no brakes. My buddy fixed the dryer and now the new washer is confused about spin cycles because it's all electronic I reckon. I heard there was a suspected Ebola case in the Memphis area who got TRANSFERRED to the mother ship. Let's just hope it was a drill. Once again, world health does not revolve around the citizens of the United States. And then there's the crazy French Canadian who went postal and killed a soldier for political reasons. Or maybe he was just off his meds, who the hell knows. Another student died from the Seattle area school shooting. Pundits predict that the GOP will sweep the mid-terms and that just makes me shake my pointy little head. My friends the Moody's added to their crew again today with the birth of Joe Read. His grandpa's name is Reader Franklin but he's just Chucky to us.

And all is well on Pecan Lane for the moment ^j^

Sunday, October 26, 2014

why, yes i am!

Listening to Christmas music on this unusually hot October afternoon, that is. Not that I'm a big Christmas fan in that way where you have to go visit every single relative on that particular day. I prefer to enjoy the Advent season and celebrate all along. As a child all I cared about was the loot. But now? It's all different. There have been many times that I've doubted the King James version of who Jesus is and how the whole thing went down. Yet I have never wavered in my belief that he was a miracle worker who reached out to those in need and made things better. I guess the Old Testament just reminds me we're all going to hell in a handbasket.

Another school shooting in a peaceful state, Ebola in Memphis and Elvis is still in the building. I rarely take the time anymore to sit and read through a piece but the background on the recent rise of ISIS or whatever the hell they are and those who have had their throats cut by evil then used media to bring the point home was too good to leave. What I see here is anarchy and it ain't pretty. I believe that we are all at fault by blaming peaceful Muslims for the actions of extremists following 9/11. When Bin Laden's boys back off, you know they're nuts. While it is tragic that Foley lost his life because the US refused to pay ransom, it tells me that Obamer ain't playing and neither is the UK. As you all must know because I'm a demolibtard, it's on HuffPost. Read it for your own self.

That Foley converted to Islam as a captive is not at all unusual. Remember Patti Hearst and the SLA? Waterboarding was common and other forms of unusual punishment for umm..why exactly? To raise money for their caliphate. Here's my take on the whole deal and bear with me okay? During the years leading up to 9/11/01 the American economy was booming, everybody had a couple of vehicles and enough food. Except most of the country's money was invested in China and Wall Street. To radical Islamists, the WTC represented everything they hated about our western ways even though they were making kazillions from us on oil. Enter stage left: Dick Cheney and Halliburton. If I was a betting gal I'd say those contractors whose crispy corpses swung on the bridge in Fallujah were employed by Big Dick who somehow managed to shoot his damned hunting partner. Rich but not real bright.

The really sad part of all of it is that innocents die every day over nothing more important than money. I'd like to take a baseball bat to the rapists in India, the genital mutilation dudes in Africa and the Republicans who keep trying to overturn Roe v Wade. Like the Eagles said, get over it. Kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight! I was kinda' lucky at the sawmill this weekend as I actually managed to visit my mama several times and talk with her caregivers. Bubba came by with a sausage roll from Daylight and we watched her scarf it down, both of us smiling at that appetite. It's little things, ya know. I'm sorry that UT took a loss but by the score it looks like they gave it the old college freshman try. A rebuilding year is what I think Daddy calls it. Crazy neighbors are on the move with trailers full of appliances and ATVs. What I would give to have a four wheeler for exploring this farm! Maybe Sugardaddy will bring his.


Saturday, October 25, 2014

same stuff, different day

As many of you may know my mother has been in rehab for about two months for a broken leg. We brought her home last Friday and home health has been making regular visits which doesn't set well with my father his OCDness. Like many folks I'm not real sure what the lesson here is except to do no harm. I had an extra day off because a co-worker wanted the shift and days off are few and far between. The dryer has been broken and was due to be repaired around noon so I slept 'til 10. Less than an hour later daddy called and said home health had called into their doc and he said to "send her to ER" for an evaluation. I tried desperately to keep from going through that routine again but it turned into a big drama fest so I called EMS transport who politely asked me next time to use 911. *sigh* I had just enough time to put on a bra and slap on some clothes and shoes and followed that bus all the way to the sawmill in my trusty old Camry with one hubcap. They were crazy busy up in there but it all seemed to flow because there was no big life saving effort in progress....just very sick people and many of them elderly. Definitely not Ebola.

The trouble with healthcare is that it focuses on diagnostics that make money from Medicare and big insurance. There is a huge political lobby dedicated to which drugs are given based on which contract or reimbursement for certain procedures are on special. Very little attention is paid to the family unit as a whole because nobody really understands the conflicting stories you get from multiple specialists on consult. There are many, I'm just saying. I met one today who treated as a peer and one who was looking after her parent's best interest and he immediately put me at ease. Without a bedside advocate to stop the madness, a lot of non essential testing is done. It's common practice everywhere in the US. Meanwhile those dying of cancer are denied medical marijuana by gun totin' redneck church people. Big Ernie will get y'all for that.

Hannah Graham's murder is a story that haunts me as a parent. This guy is a serial predator who took advantage of her disoriented state. ALWAYS travel in a pack, even if it's just a pair. And especially when party hopping. My daughter ran with a posse who always had each others' backs as did we as their parents. I was the "bad mom" who let them have bonfires and drink beer before they were legal and I don't regret it to this day because I knew where they were. In my yard having a good time in front of the ancient barn and under the light of the moon. Winter ones are best. I remember one time in particular when they went to a shady part of town in my Mama's old Camry and got pulled over by seven city cops coming back over the tracks. Fortunately the evidence got tossed and there was only the underage tobacco thing and some little hemostat deal that resulted in probation for the whole bunch.

Another time they were partying at Shay's while she was out of town and this cop who had a thing for her busted up in there and that time Anna Banana's parents took care of it. As Nita would say "lerd." The chief got a letter from me on that one. I'm not a lawyer but I know basic rights like warrants and such. These guys had the door not even locked and he just pushed it open and called for backup. Off duty, he was.That little ordeal resulted in Weed and Seed community service with Mr. Schaeffer, mandatory drug education and visits with a very nice juvenile probation officer who was rather amused as their attempts to dilute. And then there was the night the K-9 hotshot in the flashy van pulled Gumby over in my driveway to find that he had a bottle and was about to bury his beloved pretty girl Faith. I was already a hot mess and almost went to jail that time myself. I walked outside to see what's up in my driveway and dude threatened me to get back in the house like he was gonna' shoot me or something. Since I was pretty torn up about Faith dying in my lap I suppose I just snapped. Asshat. There are knockout roses right over her pretty self in the pine grove and a couple of her offspring still sleeping with us.


Thursday, October 23, 2014

american history 101

Unfortunately time didn't allow for a visit with corporate other than the locals which means I scooped up the mayor on my way to the meeting. Daddy paced after about 15 minutes looking anxiously ahead to his next appointment 1.5 hours later so Me, Mozella Mama and Harvey discussed a lot of things about farm history. His research goes back a lot further than what we know but I sense that he wants to know how in the world he ended up with this little piece of paradise. One of the oddest nuggets of that history is that his mother's family donated some land to the Catholic church where a nun lived for many years, right across the road from me. Mr Council would have been here then probably, the old horse man who managed a decade without his wife before we refurbed and moved in. I remember my first night here on the couch watching the maples leaves up front wave in the breeze and glow of the security light. At that moment, I knew I was home.

The dryer is broken and I've got a guy lined up to fix it on the side after his day job. At this point, I'm way too tired to unscrew that panel and repair the start thingy. My neighbor Jenny was out for a walk today when I headed to Mom and Dad's and we chatted through the (thank you lord) window of the Camry about life and hard times. Kids are fine. Terry's dad is about to die and she's just her usual hot mess of a self. Oscar used to be her dog until he got cut and came to live with us. Back then he was Scooter.

There are no pecans to speak of this year so Pennington's won't have that disposable income for their holiday spirit. I was describing the place to a friend and said "it's where I spend the grocery money." If I'm lying I'm dying. Mozella had a nice stand of pastel colored mums right by her driveway and I was amazed. I would give my bad right arm to be able to concentrate on the landscape like that. We talked about Nelson and Margaret and where their house used to be next to homeland security. I dug up a whole bunch of flower bulbs there and they still serve me well. He had a BBQ pit in the ground which is the ultimate in grilling and there was always a party. Margaret's chocolate pie was the best I ever tasted.

More later. Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

left behind

Evidently Ebola has not killed anybody outside of Africa this week so it's all good with America and our priorities which seem to be preserving the King James version of the Bible and the conservative interpretation that sets us back 50 years in the area of human rights, most especially concerning women. The great state of Tennessee has introduced an amendment that would exclude rape as a legal reason to seek early abortion. Prop 2 is about whether or not to allow electing justices of the state supreme court by registered voters vs. political appointment. I know it's Tennessee but geez...give us a break and word the shit where people with marginal brain power can make an educated choice about what's on the ballot. I have always been a faithful believer in the power of the vote but I'm becoming disillusioned with the idiot mentality, most especially in the south where I've spent my entire life. Time for a change.

Mom has had home sessions with her stylist from Angel's Crown Center and the PT guy from home health, plus bath and nurse. She seems to be content at the moment and fending off random verbal assaults for her late in life independence from seeking Daddy's approval for every little movement. I know the feeling, times 5 or 10. One of my friends from back in the day mentioned that she just hated to see me go into meltdown mode because I'm always the strong one. Not so much anymore, dear. Look elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

The past ten years have been a whirlwind of change and decision making. Thus far, I have failed mightily at making any sort of positive move other than beginning a class on small business development and caring for my parents while working my ass off to pay the bills. Some of the problems are due to my own character fact most. Obedience to productivity is never a good choice sanity wise. Unfortunately, most of today's jobs require just that. True story: I went to the DG for soup fixings and was checked out by the most pathetic crackhead I've ever seen. Meanwhile all the middle class folks stopped on the way from here to there and checked out clearance merch. Our former roommate Gumby went on the road finishing concrete slabs for brand new DG stores all over the country. The work was done by Hispanic crews who drank too much and had to be shaken out of bed for the day. And for this they crossd the border?To those of you who want to hate on Robert Reich, Michael Moore,Paul Krugman and HuffPost please save your efforts for folks who will believe in what you do which is more of the same except with #ebolageddon and even more Republicans.

Keep the faith Bernie.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

set the puppies free

The sawmill was busy busy today and I was still hobbling from my increased physical activity of late so I was pretty whooped by the time I got out and over to the park where I enjoyed a nice visit with my old friend Kathleen. Her father still lives here and she's on a business trip so it was a good time for her to touch base with all us old-timers. Right before I headed into some IT training BG called wailing that somebody had dropped two random pups at the end of our lane, obviously not litter mates but looking well fed. Seeing as how our canine count varies from 4 to 5 whether Gizmo is visiting, I told her in my sternest reality voice to take them to the shelter. She brought 'em home anyway and tried to call for a pickup but nobody answered and when she showed up it was obvious why. There were all manner of people up in there bringing dogs and cats in for obvious euthanasia unless they win the lottery and get "picked." One of my biggest pet peeves is people who PAY for pets when there are so many out there needing homes. My favorite rescue story is that of the notorious Circle K who was my Christmas present from Yaya one year. She found him half frozen and hit by a car and took him to the rubber plant where she and a coworker pooled resources to board him for a week at the vet's office. Then she gave him to me and he did nothing but walk circles around the house for three months. That was a mercy killing if I ever saw one. But hey...we tried!

As it turns out, the heavy equipment I saw yesterday was none other than the gravel guy finishing up a job he started six months ago. Just like a silly girl, I ran out there asking if he could scoop my out of hand pile of trash and half burned stuff and haul it off. "I can't do that but I can sure dig a hole to put it in and cover it!" Y'all should have seen me slinging bags with my bad shoulder. I just hope the EPA doesn't read Pecan Lane is all. Dude even helped me scoop shit into boxes. My hero du jour.

As my friend and I watched leaves and acorns fall all around us, we talked about our parents and kids and friends. She is , like me, not one to embrace a competitive lifestyle but a healthy one. That is precisely why she looks about 40 in our selfie and I just look tired. Our parents are members of the Sellers Class and she was headed to her dad's house to make pizza for more family and friends. I couldn't find her at the park but she found me, chatting with BG about the poor soon to be dead puppies. Jeez.

Today is class day and my butt is so tired that I couldn't sit at a conference table for three hours if my life depended on it. The beauty of this curriculum is that if you do homework, it all kind of flows even if you don't make every session. I have already identified three or four talents that could be used to enhance my "quality of life'...maybe not monetarily, but they will give me goals to work toward in making a difference. Because really? That's what it's all about.

Carry on and keep the faith ^j^

Monday, October 20, 2014

monday bloody monday

Whatever happens to the GMO corn stubble involving a bulldozer looking thing is happening right outside the windows of Casa Poops. Gotta' get that wheat planted, right? Life has turned into such a fast paced race that it's nice to just slow down and notice something as small as that. Maybe the dust won't be too brutal but I've got an extra AC filter just in case. It's chilly in this old house but a far cry from anywhere NEAR cranking up the heat and giving another TVA exec his bonus. I owe propane guy a whole lot less than last year and the one before so maybe our budget plan will keep cook stove fired up and enough central to keep the pipes from freezing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Otherwise, there is lots of dead wood to burn.

My office is so dark that it can be depressing at times. The northwest windows are painted shut and so smutty you can't see the beauty right outside. If I was a dreamer there would be one big bay window and a seat right under it. Hey...maybe I can build that out of barnwood! Shellye is the cutest thing you ever saw who came to work with us and promptly had a babygirl who wears giant hairbows in every single pic. She has some fence wood for me with details to be shared at a later date. I love it when that happens.

I've talked with several friends today and my parents who seem to be playing nice. A nice shower and physical therapy will work wonders for a woman's mood, if you know what I mean. As long as Daddy can watch Bonanza on time, it's all good. My friend is in Memphis with HER mother trying to keep things straight with heart issues so they can head back to Lake County. Many many times extended illnesses and transfers are the ways that the elderly spend their last days. That's where the magic of "do no harm" comes in. And after that? Make somebody's day.

Back in the day we collected samples for paternity testing when it was done only by blood draws. I took a side job with the local child service agency drawing these specimens in the back of some obscure downtown office. Once I did it in a lawyer's conference room and another time in the dentist's office. Now DNA testing for paternity is performed on a buccal swab. DNA don't lie kids so let's not fry anybody else unless that's been used as a tool for investigation. Just saying.

Tomorrow looks full and I like that. Keep the faith ^j^

Sunday, October 19, 2014

flight of the baby boomer

I am by no means in this parent thing alone, and most of us are struggling to care for our elders while still tied to kids who can't afford to be on their own due to the shitty economy and job market. BG is a dishwasher/everything gal at a local restaurant and gets less than 40 hours a week at minimum wage but "it's a job." That's our mantra! I'm up to my eyeballs with loan sharks but we're trying to fix this mess together. All one can do is the next right thing. For me that included staying with Mom while Daddy went to church this morning. She was sleeping like the dead until I started rambling through the junk room upstairs (where the big window fan used to be) and chunking empty boxes. I swear there were about FIFTY empty light bulb packages thrown in there on top of the whole mess. I ended up with three boxes full of burnables and promptly lit them on top of my fire pile out front, in spite of the fact that Mama said not to "because it's against the law." Okay then.

I called to check in last night and could tell she had been crying so I asked what was wrong and then heard him yelling in the background about her being on the phone with her childhood friend and I knew what was up. I asked her if she wanted me to come down there or she come up here to which she replied "Just leave me along Janie!." Hmmm. This morning it was like nothing ever happened with either of them. This is why I don't move in with them because they simply won't have it. Proud, independent and disabled they still are determined to care for each other within those walls. She's doing well with a walker and will pick up speed once she loses the brace which is worrying the fire out of her because the velcro is worn out. And of course I forgot to pick up daddy's allergy extract again because, hey. There's only one of me.

I made Jenny's day at eggs and doughnuts by telling her that the cheesy hash browns she cooked for me were the best I'd ever had. I had to move away from omelettes because they're pretty dang hard on the old gut. The place was literally crawling with people when we got there and barely managed to snag a table next to a bunch of well mannered kids and their parents. The owner's daughter is a student in healthcare and we often chat about what's up in the hospital world. Her specialty is muscles and how they work.

Tomorrow is another Monday which now just seems to morph into another and another with weekends and days off flying by in a whirlwind of activity. As bad as I'd like a Sugardaddy, I don't think I could squeeze him in right now. I keep dreaming about the beach in Destin as if I'll ever get there again and it makes me sad. This whole Ebola deal has turned into hysteria with a capital H and while I can understand how non-healthcare folks would be alarmed it's all in a day's work for those of us who are on the front lines. I read a piece about how a couple of companies spent millions of $$ from the NIH to develop a vaccine and the money ran out a couple of years ago. In my opinion, the process to have a drug or vaccine developed and approved is one of the biggest obstacles to public health safety. And who's in charge of that? You guessed it...the feds.

I was involved in an incident recently where someone had an adverse reaction to something they really didn't need and almost died. So much of medicine today is CYA by over ordering diagnostics and meds. I wonder how Marcus Welby made it without all that technology. I barely remember doctors making house calls when I was a child but I never got one. I was born in the Baird Brewer hospital that would later serve as my grandmother's real estate business and doctor's offices. There was one of those old timey elevators that looked like a cage and an old guy named Herman ran it up and down the three floors. Daddy's USDA office was in the basement next to a beauty shop. A new hospital opened in 1958 and I've worked there for 37 years.

So, how's y'all's mama'n'them?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

let it be

It is a gorgeous fall day and I'm gazing at blue skies and orangey leaves until my eyes can't take any more. Except for that one glorious day in early May when all the flowers are blooming at once, this is my favorite time. Mother Earth is putting forth the harvest even if it is all industrialized, and new growth is already set. The cycles amaze me, even after all these years. My Daddy's funeral song request is "Hymn of Promise" about the bulb and flower and whatnot. As a farmer he has been keenly aware of weather conditions during his entire life and how they can crush a dream in a heartbeat. I was a farmer's daughter before country was cool...just saying.

I had an opportunity to chat with someone yesterday in private about issues past and it was nice to be one on one instead of hanging on the grapevine. It's my new MO and as it turns out is much less stressful than ten way communication. You can see honesty by looking someone in the eye if you know them well enough. Finally all those junior college psych courses have paid off. Well, that and five years of therapy. I think it's time again.

Our beans are late and just now turning yellow because of the wheat harvest delay. They sure make a pretty picture before they get dried up. The shadows are breathtaking around here what with all the trees and fields. Part of my new outlook on life (heh) is to do my very best to make amends to those who have helped a girl out. I could never repay the dollar amount, but I can sure as hell give it back in service or love. Our current dilemma involves some shady moves to get the electric bill paid (thanks for the rate hike TVA) and not lose the Cadillac to an engine explosion. A '95 Cadi must have oil changes for that huge ass motor.

Mom made it through the night by herself with BG on the couch nearby. When I checked in an hour ago she was still snoozing and about to see home health. This woman is determined to make it work there and daddy be damned if he won't play nice. He missed her enough during the past 8 weeks that one would ASSUME he would welcome his bride and not be an ass to his daughter. When donkeys fly, as they say.


Friday, October 17, 2014

let us pray

I took off about fifteen minutes early today from the sawmill to pick Mama up for the ride home. Of course the equipment wasn't there because nobody communicates about these things, most especially when everybody is overworked and underpaid. It's totally wrong that our government is broke and cuts benefits to people who have worked all their lives and done the mandatory IRS thing. Especially veterans. It won't be long until nobody will remember Hitler and JFK and MLK and LBJ and Tricky Dick and remind all of us that it's hell in a handbasket and our country signed up for it a lot of years ago when there were battles to be fought on foreign soil that might make an impact on injustice. The entire Desert Storm Iraqi Afghan deal was about Halliburton and the evil that comes from raping Mother Earth. Our country sent those vets home to a jobless market with no retirement. Many suffered from PTSD and more, as they signed up in America's response to 9/11. I followed Michael Yon all through those years and he didn't have a worry about Ebola...only IEDs. If anything good comes out of all this hysteria it might be that the bosses in the healthcare industry might put profit aside and share resources. It happens all the time...really!

Mama is weak and weary and quite nervous about being there with nobody but Daddy to rely on so the plan is that BG will spend the night and keep watch over that sleeping angel in the three-quarter antique bed with short legs. I thought me and Daddy were gonna' fight over the location of the toilet chair I picked up, and I should totally know better. It's his kingdom and I'm just a stupid girl. One thing I know for sure is this: My sweet Mama needs to be waited on and he's not capable. I'll keep y'all posted. She sleeps in a room that was formerly hers and Daddy's, then the den and now her haven if she will just lay down and be still. Honestly I think it was the den twice. One of my favorite pictures is of me and my brothers all piled up looking cute in our PJs on their bed. Gotta run 'cuz there's an awesome sunset coming on.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

options are good

Had I learned that early in my daughter raising career I would have realized that she needed some boundaries and I was not capable of teaching her that skillset. For most of my life I had none, following my mother's footsteps and those of her father turning into a hot mess over something trivial. Little did I know that 20 odd years later I'd be reaching back to the days of Bev Ball and her ministry to me on Methodist's therapy dime. She counseled me to recognize a player when you see one and to get rid of the weight that I had used as a shield against getting close to men. If you're the fat girl you have to rely on personality. When I graduated from UTMemphis in 77 I weighed the same amount that I did when BG was delivered which was way too much for a young woman to carry around. I shed it once I started working and taking call for weeks on end. We got overtime back in those days and all believed that we would live forever...shooting tequila in some physical therapist's apartment. I had two male bosses when I first started and they were as different as night and day. Mickey gave us all socks on Christmas and Sammy just gave us a hard time. Nothing was never enough.

These were the times when we boiled test tubes in water baths and read the color changes on a photometer in the middle of the night. There were doctors bitching and people dyin' and all sorts of drama but I was 25 then. Now? Not so much less than sixty. Blood banking was done all in tubes and on slides back then and I did my BB rotation at John Gaston in Memphis which is currently branded as "The Med." The lab (especially pathology) is notoriously in the basement where the porcelain tables await victims the dead all laid out for a post-mortem. I remember watching my first autopsy after which I never ate liver again. Ever.

I hear little feet tromping around burning off energy on this glorious fall afternoon which means that Big E moves in mysterious ways. I'd like to be your Pollyanna du jour but I just saw a formation of four very powerful helicopters take flight across Pecan Lane and stood in awe at the sight. BG has gone all conspiracy theory on me so that's just a lovely way to spend ladies night if you know what I mean. I'd rather be dancing on the stage at Bev's or with Tommy Chong. How about we just all forget about the entire dangerous situation in three spots over in Africa and quit trying to save the world. Every time something like this happens it reminds me of Halliburton and their evil ways. Pillaging the earth's carbon has never been a wise choice...ask any truck owner. Before sunset, I heard a big awful racket of military helicopter action over at the D'burg airport and they went west in formation. That, in addition to hundreds of happy golfers over on number ? hole behind my house is what I live for. Well, that and emergency calls from the grands. It is what it is.

Times change and terms expire. Keep the faith always ^j^

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

school's out

We didn't have class last week because of fall break and tonight's session got postponed because our teacher is busy with his grandma in another city getting medical assistance for her heart issues. He's a good egg like that and her healthcare DPA so there ya' go. BG washed mama's undies yesterday and I delivered them during the pre-dawn hours this morning on my way to the sawmill where there is rarely a dull moment, like..ever. The thing that strikes me about healthcare is that so many people don't take ownership of their own health and choose instead to let a highly complex system run their lives without being informed. Who among us has left a facility with an entire forest's worth of privacy notices. Just because they give you the paper doesn't mean you're not breached. That goes for any type of business of which there are many and of which some are quite predatory in nature.

I have a date for a photo-op/group selfie with all of the elders of our community next week when corporate comes. This will be an important part of my project and one that Big Ernie has pretty much laid in my lap in spite of my penchant for procrastination. It would take a lot of hours on Google to even begin to know what I have learned about the place. Some people could care less, but I sense that there's a piece of history to be recorded that is my responsibility. Maybe my creditors will love me when it's a best seller, ya' think?

I found out this afternoon that there was an F1 tornado going over when I was on the way to get Mama for her doctor's appointment. The Camry hydroplaned like a champ thanks to tires less than a year old, even if cheap. To think that my 13 year old car has kept this entire family including the old people on track with where they want or need to be is a blessing from Asian automotive technology. Oh, and the electronic devices as well. Not that I'm profiling or anything.

Call your mother. Register to vote. Keep the faith ^j^

Monday, October 13, 2014

throw mama from the train

I saw today unfolding as its' own little drama early on when the weather forecast included a ginormous thunderstorm watch for our historically ripe for the picking West Tennessee area. As fate would have it on this very day right when the heavens opened up I was on the phone with Mom asking if she would mind a little gettin' wet as long as it got her on her feet. Of course, she needed something plastic for her new hairdo and it ended up in the parking lot of the doctor's office. I tromped my wet ass in there looking for a "boy" to help with transport and got none other than the physician himself. X-ray dude was on an errand but he helped us out holding an umbrella when it was over. Mama asked the doc if he knew her daughter and I reminded her that we met in the OR two weeks prior to HER big break. There shall be weight bearing with a brace and a new appreciation of walking upright. High fives also to the folks at rehab who helped us get her in and out of the rain twice. My dear friend Cassie Rae is on death watch with her grandma there and we shared a hug and prayer under the canopy before I sloshed on my way toward the lane. It takes a village, indeed.

BG is frying up some mini-green 'maters which is just the right idea for a bite size snack. It's the last of tomato plants 2014 if you know what I mean. My friend Patsye is here for spring break and it looks like I'm gonna miss lunch tomorrow because A. I'm broke and B. I'm broke. Plus it will probably rain! Fall is coming in and a chill that I've not felt since March is creeping back into these old bones. Today's rain wasn't enough to cover the road again but was significant which means the wheat beans don't need watering with that expensive ass rig.

Ebola? Still there. Obama? Still POTUS. Trolls? Annoying as hell.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

dead skunk (in the middle of the road)

It all started innocently enough with one strong personality instructing the other that the Mom situation will be precarious for some time and there will be lotso' people running to and fro to help her. Personality #2 exploded in anger at #1 because he doesn't take well to being told what to do. I heard all about it when I picked him up at church. I played the calm rational one to his hothead all the way to eggs and doughnuts where I steered the conversation toward SEC football instead. Hail State! All was well until we got to the rehab and mama started trying to tell him what to do again. That opened up the whole brawl again and after playing referee for about five minutes I took my leave for them to hash things out. Without compromise on both of their parts, this going home thing will never work. Period.

As we were passing back through town I pulled over in front of the church and got a quick phone shot of the dead skunk I had seen on the way in. I didn't smell him the first time but PeWWWWW! My mind immediately went to theBeatles Louden Wainwright song and so I had to do it. Stinky roadkill and dueling parents are my Sunday gifts from Big Ernie. Precious Mark came out to pick through the piles and took a few pics of my stuff yesterday. It was a rainy gloomy one good for staying indoors and piddling. There is a distinct path now lined with stacks and boxes of memories and treasures some of which have been recycled two or three times during the great Pecan Lane de-clutter binge. There are piles of college textbooks from three degrees at the University of Tennessee spanning 60 years. All of Daddy's books are ag related and quite fascinating.

My shoulder still hurts and now my back and hip do too. Arthritis, even of the osteo variety, is no fun and everybody eventually gets it..some just sooner than others. Daddy used to get gold shots during the 70s for achy joints. At 82 he still gets me to do an allergy shot weekly. Because we all know that I'm "almost a nurse." I look at the ones I work with in awe for what they endure yet they continue to champion the patient because "do no harm." There are times in everyone's career that the stress of always caring can be too much and you blow. Just don't do it on a patient is all I'm saying. I remember one time during my hormone filled 30s when I snapped at an older guy who dared to say I hurt him. I felt so bad I later went to his room and apologized! Universal precautions is something that has long been mandated yet poorly practiced in all areas of healthcare. Disease can be spread in a lot of different ways but blood and body fluid precautions are easily prevented with appropriate safety in high risk settings yet it is a concept that must be embraced at every level of emergency response right down to the fat cop with no suit watching a patient transport. Dude...seriously?

I was betrayed again and the bad thing is I saw this one coming and fell right into it. Sometimes you just want so badly to believe in miracles but, mostly? People don't change. They are who they are and it is what it is. Tolerance for diverse belief systems has been one of the greatest gifts ever from Big Ernie and I'm thankful. I'm incredibly surprised (and grateful) to still have parents at almost 60 and even amused at the fact that they still fight. They never did when we were growing up and the first time I saw it live I thought I'd have to go on Dr. Phil. Their 60th anniversary was on Valentine's Day, 2014.

Be brave and make a difference. One life at a time ^j^

Saturday, October 11, 2014

operation memaw

Mom called yesterday afternoon quite concerned that me and my bad shoulder plus BG won't be able to get her to the doctor on Monday. We rambled on about options and she asked questions and I said the magic word "nursing home" which immediately helped her to put on big girl panties. I woke up early today thinking about that conversation and how I had to take the role of advocate one more time by laying out the options in ways she can understand. She really doesn't understand why their good insurance (Medicare plus BC/BS) won't pay for what she needs. Neither do I honey, neither do I. If she is released for weight bearing on the broken leg her discharge to home will be the day after with temporary help to get her settled in. If not, another week at the rehab. We shall see..hmm. Her PT is a friend who shared that she has observed that often patients will do more for them than for family. Heh. I have noticed that with children who are having medical procedures...parents often make it worse!

Jordan was in a real MOOD yesterday and proceeded to roll all over the nasty kitchen floor being whiny but would pop up just in time with those baby blues to make himself precious. Drama king, to say the least. This house is his little home away from home where we know better than to keep things on the down low. I see some broken antiques in our future if I don't get 'em sold or boxed. I refuse to spend another winter with this office looking like a scene from Hoarders. My fake Christmas tree will burn brightly by the northwest window where I can see it coming up the lane. Sometimes there is snow and that's a sight to behold. My favorite picture ever is of those dark pecan trees draped with white on the "road to home."

A friend of mine posted an opinion piece regarding the issue of separation of church and state. I have listened to folks bemoan the fact that Big Ernie has been "taken out of school" for years and it makes me wonder at the audacity of some people who think that the law doesn't apply to them. It means no mingling of money or agendas, ever. As a Christian, I respect the fact that God never left school as long as a student silently asks him for help without insisting that others join in. There's the catch y'all. It has to be voluntary. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed to sweet baby jeebus as I put a needle in somebody's arm. He's everywhere, if you just believe. Oh, and to think that high school football is close to the top of our priorities right now? There are no words. Speaking of football, the third Saturday in October is next week and we all know what THAT means don't we? Go Tide...Roll Vols.

Friday, October 10, 2014

flash floods and corn dogs

It started storming last night and has done so off and on all day which means that the bottom part of my road is covered with muddy waters for about 100 yards. All the runoff from the hill pools down there which is why all my lug nuts are rusty. Daddy called to say his friend with the fancy car is picking him up for a visit to the home and I asked if they would swing by and pick up mom's clean undies..until I remembered about the water. Never mind. If I had a Mercedes, I certainly wouldn't plow through brown muck in it. Booger spent the night last night and we had a large time swinging and playing with all the shit crap laying around on the office floor like tools and whatnot. Supper was dolla' menu from Sonic which is all we could afford and he loves the corn dogs so there ya' go. He and TT are out and about in the Cadi and I hear he's got another one after screaming like a banshee. The perfect finger food for toddlers.

Ebola is what it is folks, a highly infectious disease that has been ignored for years because it only affected people in Africa, until now that is. Kinda' like HIV, if you know what I mean. World health matters have been ridiculously influenced by conservative politics and profits made by big pharm and insurance. I believe with all my heart that there is a much more effective treatment for cancer than chemo that has been stifled by the mega-companies that make trillions off of a product that often ends producing not very good results in the end-of-life care department even when there is an herbal remedy for the side effects that tightass politicians and church people want to regulate like opium. Bullshit, y'all. Compassionate care is about the value of a patient and his or her wishes, not the industry's.

So far I've had an offer to help haul garbage from a picker in a swap that was arranged by the universe. Corporate is coming so we have to get tidy and all that. Miss Mary and Juanita are booked for a meeting as well as the usual suspects like Mozella and my parents. It's all just one big happy neighborhood except for the ones on the bluff. The weather forecast is calling for rain all weekend so I see some serious sleeping coming on. With dogs, as always.


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

and so it goes

I had duty at the "alternate" site today and was busy as a one armed paper hanger. Mid afternoon I got told in very unfriendly terms that I am SO LOUD because a co-worker and I were laughing and cutting up. Not by anybody with any authority, mind you but some bitch who is unhappy with life and everybody in it. Right before that I got a call from the nursing home telling me that mom needs further evaluation for worsening dementia and would I give consent. Certainly, I said, like I didn't already know that. It's a state mandated tool to see if the resident is in an appropriate setting which is kind of odd since everybody there ranges from totally incoherent to wheelchair or walker bound. It was right after that when I took off on a delivery and returned to find that my phone had been stolen. To say that this is most inconvenient considering my current financial status is an understatement. Even with insurance there's a 50 dollar co-pay and it might as well be 50 million at this point. I try so hard to look on the sunny side and the hits just keep on coming. The house phone is long gone, a victim of past budget cutting so here I sit a quarter mile from the crazy neighbors with no way to call the law if things go south. Once again, I have to ask the universe what lesson it is I'm supposed to be learning. Perhaps it's that life just sucks most of the time and then you die? The phone theft was my last straw.

This has been the hardest two years of my life both physically and emotionally as all the issues that have dogged me worsened to the point that I totally wanted to give up, yet I didn't until now. It would take a miracle to save what's left of my life and make it halfway enjoyable. Over the years I've been a drama queen on occasion over things of little significance but I've morphed into a low angst highly optimistic form of keepin' the faith. My life is a litany of services being interrupted and crises arising at the worst possible times, thus proving that sometimes the devil just takes over and runs the show. You can't fight that kind of karma, only Big Ernie can. I'm just waiting for something to blow on the trusty old Camry and then I don't know what.

Honestly I've tried to keep the faith and to help others do the same. Today just ain't one of those times ^j^

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

all in a day off

We had overnight rain and I didn't get out of the bed until right after the sun came out about 9. I had to run to the dolla' gentral for something to do laundry with and picked up a discount sausage and biscuit from Rachel at the gas station across the road. After 10 they go down to 50cent so I bought two. Lunch was a chicken leg from yet another gas station in between picking up mom's laundry and a work meeting. I did manage to get up a few pics of things for sale so that we can attempt to stay solvent. The next three weeks will be a real challenge in budgeting, if you know what I mean. Most of this stuff in the office has been sitting here since last summer except for the few pieces that got shoved up in the attic. Now that Shannah's room is empty we'll fill it with treasures for pickers.

Mom survived her bad travel day and looked pretty content when I stopped by. Her sister-in-law Kaffy was sitting next to her sharing plans about her trip to the granddaughter's wedding. The window bed is occupied by a quiet sort of lady who didn't seem much interested in meeting me so I left it at that. While Mama was in Martin she was in a pod of 3 beds with a woman who required around the clock sitters just to keep her in the bed and at one point on Sunday there were about 15 family members up in there partying with Auntie. That's when she, Louise and Steve vacated to the lobby for a spell. When you get that many bodies up in a room it tends to stink up in a hurry.

I did indeed have a visitor today and we sat on the porch listening to nature and generally just being. That was right after two cop cars went racing down the road toward the neighbor's house. Mom and kids left about ten minutes later and he went by cab some time later. Not.A.Clue and don't give a damn. Let's just say my brother has required a wingman to get the exodus in process. I know they can't help it but crap! Their residence in that historic house was my daddy's last official act as farm manager and we all know how long ago that's been. His comment to me was "he's a dandy!" Indeed. Tomorrow will be a long one with many challenges one of which is arrogance personified. Y'all pray for me on that one, umkay? My friend Kimberly Jaine got stuck in the middle of her own drama last night when some guy two houses down went postal with a shotgun and did a 17 hour standoff with the law. This brave heroine of mine went outside with her phone and did a documentary of the whole thing! Her dog is needing some Xanax right about now, BTW. I bet she does too.

Keep the faith kids ^j^

Monday, October 6, 2014

like donkey kong

I had a work assignment today that involved being at another site where healthcare professionals gather. As days go, it was much easier than the majority of the others that I've spent at that particular location. There must be mold up in there because I was sneezing and coughing like all get out, or maybe it was just the lack of air in my cubicle. I could probably still blame it on the GMO corn even though it rained quite a bit with more on the way. I feel sure it's acid rain, or at least purple. Mom caught a ride on an EMS truck from Martin back to the 'burg this morning and is Not.Happy at the moment. She is worn out with this day, so to speak. Hopefully the nice nurses will dose her up because there ain't no talking her out of that mood. This is where we see if she really wants to get up and go. If not, the alternative ain't so bad. We'll find her a little bell like Gaga had to ring when she needs something. The sad thing is with her? You can never do it right. Live and learn and learn. At this point we're on a wing and a prayer with no benzos on board for Memaw. I hate it when that happens.

I have a kinda' sorta' day off tomorrow where I can sleep in and do what I want to while waiting until mid-afternoon for a random mandatory meeting two weeks after the last one. I'm pretty broke so I reckon I'll be there with bells because 14cents is a lot of incentive to conform and work harder, thus proving forevermore that people don't go into healthcare for the $$. They do it to help people who are sick and dying like with that do no harm mantra. Well, sometimes. The sad thing is that most folks enter the palliative care system somewhere in their life and have been misled to believe that one can live forever. Those of us who have seen how it works will claim a different end for ourselves. Both of my brothers have asked me to off them when they get to that point and I will oblige. The FBI will be busy investigating ISIS and Obama's heritage.

The highlight of my day was a couple of hugs from my favorite breast cancer patient on graduation day from radiation. Me and her parents go way back and I was her advocate when that last baby girl got born and all kinds of issues popped up. This week is a bye for class because of fall break so I'll just do some homework while waiting for the mandatory meeting. My friend said he might be by in the morning so we'll see how that goes. This is the boy scout who drove 180 miles round trip to see my face on more than one occasion. We all need friends like that, ya know?

So, with sketchy finances it looks like a weekend sale is on and I can totally just invite selected pickers and say to hell with putting shit on tables in the front yard. They all know I have four dogs and a cat and the place is a mess, but moving toward much less of one. You can't take it with you.


Sunday, October 5, 2014

roll tide

With all due respect to my Alabama friends like Nita, Ole Miss definitely deserves to be kicking some ass in the grove during football season, right Sally? For years their players were the class eff-ups in a school known for its' Southern tradition, charm and heavy drinking...preferably bourbon. I found a pin that read "Archie Who?" from my high school years and gifted one of the pathologists with it. He was a cute one that worried about my being so liberal all the time. To say that we disagreed on everything right and left is an understatement. Rather than being obnoxious like my blog trolls, he just looked at me like "poor thing."

I'm on a sawmill roll for the duration I reckon. My phone rang late last night and it was none other than MLou telling me about a "situation." When I turned up this morning I found that she and many others were keeping a watchful eye over it and handed it to us for the day. There was much updating and such and in the end that situation turned quite a bit better which is totally what I love about healthcare. When you truly understand a disease process it makes a world of difference. I have talked to folks in three different cities today and we're all in it together. Furthermore, I will use this opportunity to observe real teamwork in action to make a difference for somebody else and give credit where it is due. Or not. You can't mandate that kind of teamwork.

So other than SEC upsets, life is rolling along without me trying to control anything which is much less stressful. I'm about to figure out my new routine of stopping to think before reacting and it's working well. When I consider all the years that I had hissy fits over the least little thing I could just kick me in the ass. Except for that bad right hip ya know. This is the day that the Lord has made, each and every one of them. Keep the faith ^j^

Saturday, October 4, 2014

family tradition

I'm laying the groundwork for a lot of ideas and leaving room for the spirit to work as Mr. Yates would say. I spoke with a nurse today who is a co-worker of my cousin Sandy and we got into a long conversation about the history and current status of all my relatives. Talk about depressing! The thing that struck me was how intently she paid attention to every detail responding with another question to help me fill in the gaps on my family tree. Gaga had this painting of an apple tree with everybody's name on the fruit and the only one laying on the ground was my uncle who died at 36. Her husband died at 45 from heart disease and she never remarried. Terri and I talked about my aunt, since she knew her from doing business at the frame shop. I had totally forgotten about that chapter until she brought it up. Nancy and Debbie did that biz together and passed it back and forth. Both of them had the extreme OCD personality required to make a perfect frame. Auntie's last piece was BG's graduation stuff from UTM. Iris and Bob had the store by then and now some other guy who drives a hog is selling high priced photography AND high priced frames right next to the tattoo shop off court square. I'm just wondering which CEO has that kind of money to spare.

The memories that are shared with friends and family are something unique to each of us and help us to tweak the definition of who we are in the whole scheme of things. BG and I were having an emergency budget meeting at the ovalround table a little while ago and I found myself in tears describing how I feel about my parents being so dependent. Mama has cried to me over the years about being impatient with Geraldine during the last years and I have to say I think she was justified. G Inez could be quite demanding and melodramatic on occasion and obviously loved being waited on like my own mother.'s the thing. My mother is much sweeter about the whole deal resulting in tons of co-dependent meltdowns. About the only time I ever saw Gaga cry was when she spoke of Harold and how all the money from his hard work was gone. My friend Kay the undertaker is about to be involved with a business move that has taken a long time to accomplish. The history of Curry Funeral Home is awesome and I will never forget the day Bubba and I went all the way up top looking through death records for farm history. There were birds in there..for real! Kay and I played there as kids, not realizing that the business of putting one under was so serious. Great place for scary bunking parties, I'm just saying. Ms. Ann, God rest her soul, paid for my divorce following her death. Y'all figure THAT one out.

For about a year now I've felt my right hip popping out of joint unexpectedly to where I have to straighten up and walk right. This is probably Big E's way of reminding me that if I don't use it I'll lose it. Everybody thinks I look thin but my weight hasn't changed since before surgery. It was just a damn harrowing time, if you'll excuse my French. I'm trying not to "think too much" and just roll with it because at this point things look pretty hopeless on several different levels. I'll not bore with details because it's history as of this day. I feel the prayers and karma and I'm trying really hard to get out there and make things happen for myself. Sometimes? All that's required to move forward is slowing down long enough for an honest conversation.


Friday, October 3, 2014

seriously cute

One of the perks of having Shannah in the fam is that she is quite a gifted hairstylist and has crafted "my" cut which she has re-created several times. The very first time she cut it she was pregnant as a cow with Boogs and her belly kept getting in the way. I spend *zero* time gettin' my ready on so it's nice to have a wash and wear hairstyle. If it gets too long it always ends up in a clip or band which is not attractive for hair as thin as mine. Alas, I don't remember the last time I wore makeup which is probably why I'm the crazy dog lady instead of Sugardaddy's favorite girl. I'm the one they're talking about when you hear the phrase "but...she has a good personality." I would probably feel better about myself if I did take the time to fix up a bit and that's something I'm going to try. It certainly can't hurt, ya' know?

There was a tornado warning last night but I didn't know it until I saw the alert on my phone this morning. I did see lightning and rain and heard thunder but that was about it. Me and the dogs just rolled over and slept some more. The sun was out this morning but now it's cloudy and breezy as the front eases on through. I'm off before a sawmill weekend and enjoying a lazy day without illness or case management. The office is a mess and the clothes are piled high beside the washer so there's that to intrude on my serenity but perhaps I can knock out a few chores in between posts. I've chatted with my teacher about having his business install some RAM on this ancient Dell because I'm depending on it to get me through the projects I have lined up. Lori aka Risible Girl sent me a Thinkpad some time ago but my eyesight is going so it's sort of little for actual production. It did, however, keep me occupied during all the times I was down on the desktop. It even has Win7 and Word!

Here's a fun filled fact that you may or may not know. Dogs love pecans! Booger was up here with me yesterday dropping them on the floor which is totally where they stayed and all morning I've heard the cracking sound of the canines having a breakfast of nuts in the shell. It's probably not the meat they're after...just something bite size to chomp on. There are one or two trees that have a crop but nothing like last year. #Ebolageddon is in full freak out mode and I'm just shaking my head at one more thing to be hysterical about. It's the perfect Fox news story since Congress is on the campaign trail/vacation.

Mom is due to return to the 'burg on Monday and it's all lined up. I'd like to give a big shoutout to the local EMS for being so helpful in arranging transport. That type of call is something just as important to the public as responding to a wreck or fall. Thank you Sam and Chad!! Not only did they refund the money from her first trip because insurance payment was arranged, but they're doing it for this one too. Great team work. That's it for me. These piles of shit aren't going anywhere unless I get off my bum and do something productive. Or not. Keep the faith ^j^

Thursday, October 2, 2014

stuck on you

There is a sudden departure going on at the sawmill and today was the finale for our favorite.boss.ever. and his trusty sidekick who will make her last round tomorrow. Together they have cut more tissue than you can imagine and diagnosed thousands of cases of cancers and other could-be-fatal diseases. I remember one time I was headed out for a weekend at KY lake to visit my cousin and got a random phone call from my old friend Kay. She ended up in surgery that night with a huge but nicely contained tumor in her colon after consulting with the best surgeon I've ever known, hands down. Never ignore a bowel blockage. I came up to visit her during the next procedure and brought my friend who did the second pass on those nodes. He was not amused. My favorite memory involves a certain native born Brit who married a WWII dude and ended up here with thrombocytosis which usually precedes leukemia. Eventually the bone marrow just plays out what with all the displacement by blood cells on crack. So, how about that Ebolageddon? We got our first lesson on Ebola preparedness today and I had to chuckle at the nurse who didn't connect a trip to Liberia with the patient's symptoms. I guess she was busy trying to find herself. Or maybe it was a guy. Nothing tickles me more than seeing men in the healthcare sector who aren't bossing others around.

We have thunder (finally) and possible severe which brought to mind my favorite tornado story. My brother and his wife both were reporters with stations in the Memphis market and I was just kind of hanging out and not watching the radar during that particular spring storm. One of them called to let me know the twister was headed for Pecan Lane and the first thing I did was try to open the damn back door to see it. Pitch black...sirens sounding and I couldn't pull that door open for anything. About that time the lights went out and I realized it was a real thing. We never went to the basement but struck out instead in the trusty old Camry for town, crossing under downed power lines and dodging trees on the road. That one tore the roof off of Polyone and damaged the high school after it killed a guy at the shady motel and ravaged the golf course. Before we knew it, the city was out there planting more trees.

I had a couple of random blessings today which is something I totally love. My salsa sister and talented jeweler showed up and gave me a big hug while telling me how much she enjoys my blog. I stopped by the loan shark's office and was about 50cent shy of my payment so a former sawmill co-worker helped a girl out. She remembered a time that it was payday eve and she had no cash so I loaned her a dolla'. How's that for karma? Shannah Boogs and TT are on the way to hit up the dollar menu at Sonic so we can all settle down and prepare for the worst weatherwise. I can't tell you how many times I've slept through the storm.

The rain has started and the dust will settle. Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

smacking the wall

Yesterday was a long one and I made it through most of class before the stomach bug hit me like a freight train. I had to give my regrets and scurry on back toward the lane. In between trips to the potty I talked to my mama long enough to hear that she is afraid to go home right when she is discharged. She made that choice on her own and after much soul searching, I give up. We have known for five years that it's not a safe environment for the two of them, especially with her disabilities. This last accident took away a lot of choice in the matter and it's not in our hands anymore. Typical for her, she spent fifteen minutes apologizing for undoing all of our arrangements to get her home and I had to reassure her that it's not a big thing. I'm just proud of her for finally MAKING a decision on her own. After that, the bug just got worse. I am out of moves and that seems to be where I end up every time I try to handle too many things at once. Nothing gets done right, and I'm constantly scrambling to put out the next fire. This is not a good way to be, by any means. I thought I was doing okay with the whole multi-issue drama but obviously I'm not and I honestly don't know what to do. That's when you punt, I reckon.

Big Ernie is trying to teach me something though I'm not real sure what it is at the moment. Self preservation perhaps? Being pulled in so many different directions is like having multiple personalities or something and very stressful. I try to stay centered and focused but there is no peace most of the time except in small moments when I just pretend that nothing exists but me and my ragged little soul. If I were a dog, I'd steady be licking my wounds. Last week I turned up for a grueling day sickly and still not well in the shoulder. I thought that I'd never see the end of it. In the old days I could push like that. Now, not so much. At almost 60 I'm a stroke waiting to happen if things don't ease up. Y'all pray for me on that one.

I really don't know who I am anymore because of the many different hats I'm wearing. Self awareness comes in fits and starts at just the right intervals to rally my spirit for the next few hours/days/other shoe dropping. Oddly enough, I've always been an optimist until this point in life. Now, meh. I could be the poster girl for good intentions gone terribly wrong and usually hurt myself in the process. It's time to re-visit that old recovery story about walking around the hole instead of falling into it.

So I know that you are all spiritual types in some form or fashion and pretty much know what's going on by reading between the lines of my daily ramblings. What I need right now is support, and lots of it. Prayers~Karma~Manifestation etc, I'm placing it all in the hands of one much bigger than me and those of you who care. Keep the faith ^j^