Sunday, August 31, 2014

cows in the kudzu

As it turns out I put on a couple of tight fittin' tops and headed on out to the kudzu cottage where my dear friend lives. Cathy picked me up and I was out of the sling at the time and forgot all about it I was so excited to get the eff out of this house besides going to the hospital or nursing home. Her brother still has cows next door and we sat on the front porch like the Clampett family watching Sally run 'em all back into the woods. They love the cool spots, ya know? Sally is a beautiful pup who looks kind of like BlueDog only more laid back. She's so blonde Patsye has to pick the RED ball up and give it to her. Her hub was sound asleep in the bedroom after consuming half a bucket of fried chicken. We all go way back to high school days when we were yet to be who we are now. Carol's family used to live down Samaria Bend and take-a-right where the spoiled rotten kid now terrorizes our neighborhood. That would just on the other side of Clara's house and chicken coop.

BG was Booger sitting so I turned in early and slept like a log until about 8 when some dog or another wanted in or out. Marti Ann is in town and she promised to visit today so I got my shit business done early so we could chill. The funniest thing is that she wanted if she could "bring her dog." Heh. Pruddy is a beautiful golden retriever with a gentle soul like Taffy's. All my rowdy mutts terrorized her for awhile and then she ended up on the floor being whispered to by my daughter. Pet friendly? You bet your sweet ass.

I went up to the home this morning expecting to see my mama doing exactly what was up...resting. Because she can't see who's coming into her field of vision she depends on audio instead relating to voice and touch. I shared my new favorite spiritual song with her as all the straight laced conservative types rolled the other residents toward "church." I watched as her eyes that cannot see danced while I sang every praise along with the flash mob in Birmingham. And I knew right then that this is where our paths diverge. I cannot in good conscience allow her to live in an unsafe situation any longer because I know better. As their advocates it is my job to make sure that my parents are as safe as possible because that's what they always did for me. It may not be easy or popular but that's what they sent me to school for.

Mama would say I've been sprunty lately because I've been using my right arm freely. I'm kinda' sorta' doing my own PT based on stretching and whatnot. Once I get cleared by the surgeon there will be myofascial release out the wazoo as long as the therapists hands hold out. She has almost killed "the bitch" which is, as Glenda the good one would say "a good thing."

Labor day is about appreciating work ethic combined with fair treatment for employees. It is about embracing the fact that there is, indeed, more to life than workin' for a living and most of it can be found in small moments with family and friends. I can say this because for the first time in my life I'm taking care of myself.

Faith ^j^

Saturday, August 30, 2014

record breaking

My blogger dashboard contains all three of the blogs that I've created over the past 10 years or so. One of them "A Stained Glass Life" was the book that never got done. Not many posts there at.all. The other one, "Poop Happens" had 1405 posts before I ducked out and over to Pecan Lane which is now 100 posts away from that figure. One of the guys that I look to as a mentor in writing remarked one time that I am a consistent blogger with which I totally have to agree. While he is a writer who is paid for his work, mine is just daily therapy up here on the hill where the corn surrounds my view. That is one of the things I am looking to explore in the upcoming class at the Chamber. The daughter of an old friend is the media go to gal there and my 'nother friend's son is heavily involved. I'm happy to see this community exploring ANYTHING besides more toxic industrial jobs. There is no local market for talent here..the dolla' stores are probably one of our biggest employers. Looking back, I remember when our then roommate Gumby was traveling all over the country with a crew of migrant workers finishing concrete slabs for DG stores. That was before we had ummm....who knows how many in this county. I do shop there for things other than fresh food. It's fun and cheap.

So, I've added two new songs to my celebration of life list this week alone! Both are happy by Hezekiah Walker and the other by Delta Rae. Ya'll don't wanna miss this party, I'm telling you. Not that it will be anytime soon but you never know. Bring your own story! Is that not the ultimate in narcissism? I just had a nice long chat by phone with my mama about how we can manage things when she leaves the home. The doors to every room in their old house are too narrow to navigate with a wheelchair and no help. No weight bearing for a month after she gets there so, um I'm doing the math. Miss Faye is older herself and cannot lift or otherwise help out in that way. Daddy is feeble and manages himself pretty well but, you know. We shall see. I have a CNA in mind who just might be the answer to everything.

Shoulder is so so and I'm deliberately piddling enough to keep it from stiffening up. Like they say, it's a process. A bunch of my friends are getting together today and I'm passing on that because I'd have to wear a bra. It's gonna be a sad day when I have to hook the girls back up for good and trudge to the sawmill! Even my sweet mother is learning to love the joy that is not wearing underwear. It's overcast today and has been sprinkling off and on. That's good for all those folk at the fair working exhibit check-in duty. It's mighty hot up in those big metal buildings when the September sun is shining. To Marti,Aleece and Delores~ thanks for all you do!

And every praise? Is to our God!

Friday, August 29, 2014

challenge this

Okay, enough with the ice water already. It's not cool after a week, if you know what I mean. Howard Stern was the most ridiculous I saw but then that's his total persona. I remember watching him on late night years ago as a naughty pleasure but now he just looks old. I guess that proves I'm getting there too! Lord knows my body feels it. The shoulder is healing slowly and getting some use but nothing fancy. It will take the remaining two weeks to get it in good enough shape for all day use and even then I'm sure there will be lingering pain. Some guy told me he had his done a year ago and still has trouble to the point of steroid injections. Ugh. My friend volunteered to bring her hubby's truck and help out this weekend with the mountain of garbage out back. I certainly don't have to worry about the grass growing there. There's also an old aluminum storm door but I'm saving that for a covered bed in the spring. Yes I probably will never happen but I'm ready if it does.

So, our top story today is that the POTUS wore a tan suit to a informal speech and immediately got smashed for not being "serious" enough to wear a dark color when discussing ISIS. This kind of fluff makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I'm not his biggest fan as I've stated before, but really? Discuss something besides his wardrobe and the golf course. I agree with my new "friend" Carl that if the GOP entertains even a dream of winning some elections they had better get a'hold of their fractured party. I don't see that happening so, guess who's going to be Madame President? That is, unless the world ends first and the way things are going.....

Poor Joan Rivers had an MI during a screening procedure and my first question to self was :"At her age, why is she even doing that>>>" I had that discussion with my mama not too long ago about "whaddya' gonna do if there's cancer?" Same thing for cardiac testing prior to surgery..what difference does it make? It had to be done and diagnostics are being used way too often as money makers rather than tools to figure something out. Referrals...referrals...referrals. It's what makes healthcare go around and the cost to skyrocket!! When I first began working the hospital billed for EVERYTHING and contracted with providers for their services. Now those services are provided by privately owned and operated companies with their own profit margin to see after. It's just the reality of our day, not my particular place. All hospitals do it because somewhere along the line some government rule maker decided it should be thus and so. Transparency gone wild.

The funniest thing I read today was about this really conservative "save the traditional family" type group is trying to book a convention in Australia and nobody will take them! I would file that one under poetic justice of our modern times. Even small acts of seeming approval for discrimination are not politically popular these days. I was tickled to death to see that Market Basket's CEO got his job back after everybody raised hell with the board of directors. To have that kind of employee loyalty is something most companies only dream about. It is much easier to sit back and do nothing then bitch about the outcome. You people rock!

It's Labor Day weekend, the official last weekend of summer unless you live in Tennessee or thereabouts where summer continues until Thanksgiving. The county fair starts Monday and this weekend the place will be a beehive of activity with people moving in livestock and every other little thing for judging. Proceeds from the sale of my mother's cookbook went to help build the Family Life building.

Over and out from the lane ^j^

Thursday, August 28, 2014

regrets and gratitude

Yes, I am a very slow learner in some ways. The elementary school IQ whiz that was my mind back in the day has turned to mush simply because of trying too hard to figure things out instead of letting them happen as BigErnie intended. Very impatient in many respects yet loyal to a fault. There are few things that I regret in my life even though a lot of it hasn't been fun. I do wish I had waited until later to marry so that I had a clear understanding of who I after therapy. Thirty seems to be the age when a lot of women come into their own and begin advancing in the workplace, all the while managing families. I did it for years and never batted an eye. When the kid was sick, my mom or a babysitter helped out. There were numerous skipped school programs and whatnot, but the sawmill had to come first...or so I thought. My bad. Yes indeed, I would change that because for all of that loyalty there is nothing but a lot of years on the time clock that is my life. An old friend posted some pics from back in the day when he was a high school student training with us. It was pre-BG and we were all just kids with 80s hair and attitudes. He remarked how I had always been an inspiration to him and I was touched because I never knew that. He has recently become re-connected with his estranged daughters and that's a big chunk of gratitude for someone around our age.

I don't regret going to college but I do wish I had branched out more into the healthcare field rather than pigeon holing myself into a corner. My brief forays into palliative care research were a manifestation of that dream. What is truly amazing to me is how dime a dozen MBAs get careers making a lot more money than me and my experience do, yet I don't envy them. Most of my static state of life has been of my own making choosing to stay close to home rather than move into a larger job market. Considering cost of living elsewhere it's probably a wash. My parents are here and most of my friends except for the ones "in my computer" as Lois calls the virtual ones. It's amazing to me how rich my life has become with new friends since I began to blog. I try really hard to be true to myself as a writer but tolerant of the points of view that others hold. I read a piece about how over 40 folks like me put two spaces between sentences and now I'm attempting to unlearn that. Even though it's something an online editor can do, I like to learn new tricks.

I am eternally grateful that I had a quote "normal" childhood that did not involve any sort of abuse or poverty and that I still have both my parents in their 80s. It's a constant challenge, but everybody I knows who has lost theirs says to keep focusing on the good times because you never know when it's gonna' be curtain call time. I was a Sopranos freak back in the day but lost HBO prior to the end of that series. I read an explanation today of what the last episode meant and it was revealed that Tony did indeed die...right in front of his family. It talked about the significance of the diner setting and the members only jacket guy and the sudden shift to black. Truly amazing! This dude even pointed out every red herring in the joint. This show is also where I discovered the talent that is Edie Falco who would later play my favorite opiate addict. I am glad to have had the opportunity to get out of my own head long enough to enjoy this kind of film work. It's kind of like mental aerobics. BG just showed me an example of why folks are going ape shit over police killings and my mouth just dropped open. I can see both sides of that one. As for Kroger, if I see anybody in my local store doing open carry, you have lost my business forever. As much as I hate Wallyhell, I'll buy my shit there.

Over the years I've been blessed by a lot of people and one guy named Clarence (like the angel) gave me a subscription to a really high tech blogging app. I rarely used it, choosing instead to stay with the tried and true. No, I don't really embrace change but I can roll with it. Mom had several visitors yesterday and Daddy will be going again thanks to Mary Lynn. She has been an angel not only to them but to their entire SS class taking on the duties of secretary since she's the youngster. I'm sure she misses her own parents. My shoulder is finally not hurting all the time so there's that thing to be grateful for. I'm not challenging anybody because really? Blessings are in the eye of the beholder. All you grammar nazis out there count the number of times I did the double space!

Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

what would you do?

The WWJD fad with the bracelets was going wide open when BG was a teenager yet she never wore one, nor did I. I certainly don't feel the need to broadcast the fact that I'm a Christian because in this day and time it's a hazardous occupation. My faith is a quiet one, full of rage at social injustice and believing in miracles. Why else would Jesus save people were it not for the love of one universal God. That seems to be where the problem comes in with today's society. The Bible is a book written thousands of years ago on the walls of caves and transcribed ad infinitum until now. Anytime you "republish" with an interpretation to suit your own agenda? It's definitely not what J would do. This is precisely what is happening with our government today. Because of intolerance to other people's belief systems the radical right has taken over the "family values" sector by attempting to overturn a law that went into effect 40 years ago. Get a grip people. Prior to all that women died in doctor's offices or worse getting illegal abortions. Prohibition doesn't work...period, whether you're discussing a substance or a service. There will always be a black market. That's not even mentioning the fact that the Koch brothers own the world and we're just sitting here acting like that. This country was founded on the principles of freedom to believe whatever. That's why we left merry old England and killed all the Native Americans who fed our forefathers that winter.

I am so simple it's ridiculous. Treat me right and give me a reason to keep going and I'll be there if at all possible. This past month I've watched a whole bunch of sunrises and sunsets with no reason to do anything but enjoy. All that will change in three weeks when I'm back to the sawmill for more life saving adventures. That I spent about a week of my recovery there with my mother is beside the point. She is being cared for properly now and I can rest easy. Daddy just called to tell me that their angel Mary Lynn is picking him up for a visit and clothes drop off. Now there's exactly what Jesus would do.

Here's the thing...intolerance of any kind for lifestyle or religious beliefs is wrong and only adds fuel to the police state. I have lived long enough to know that we have a current generation of not just black people but a whole helluva' lot of people who don't know what it's like to be persecuted because they've been coddled. Racial profiling is not just a problem for them, if you know what I mean. I remember following 9/11 when peaceful Muslims living in this country were the victims of hatred because of misunderstanding about the fact that the ones doing the damage are extremists who can't be beaten on their home turf. Dear POTUS: leave that shit alone and enjoy your vacay. Fortunately I've gotten past the anger that I held for the politicians (including Dems) who voted to fund a multi-year Halliburton conflict for just that. I'm looking ahead for positive things like Elizabeth Warren and paying things forward. It's not all bad..that's the MSM painting a picture of horror. Random acts of kindness..that's what's up.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

the snowball effect

It's dangerously hot and humid around here which is why I'm not going anywhere that I don't have to. Even then, I'm worn out by the time I get home. I've had surgery several times before and bounced back pretty quickly, but I was nowhere near 60 then. I looked at some more EOBs yesterday to see how much I owe for my surgery and it's looking like a pretty big chunk already. There will be payment plans and auto-deductions for sure. Maybe when the arm gets well I can sort through the "treasures" up in here and sell some more. I have absolutely no reason to own an entire set of Noritake china. Seriously. Hopefully that will keep the wolf from the door until I can get this "complicated" financial situation under control. I rode the snowball one time all the way to BK court.

I have some really strange looking lesions on my skin that I must get checked out by my friend the derm doctor. That would be before I go back to see the surgeon again. I'm ashamed to say how long it's been since I visited a dentist but I'm a faithful brusher even when tired and sick. Blogging has been the highlight of my days though it was kinda' fun to run across a Breaking Bad marathon and get to see the entire cast glow in all their Emmy glory last night. The rocker hasn't been used much but I've about got it arranged where it will be my go-to spot.

Mama is working hard at therapy and having a nice time chatting with her roommate. Daddy is busy arranging transportation for all his needs which includes visits to the home. She's hard to catch because they keep the patients busy most of the time. One of the therapists there was once a co-worker at the sawmill and she takes the most amazing photographs in her spare time. We chatted during my visit the other day and it was good to touch base. Both of her daughters are co-workers as well. Another friend's mom is just a few doors down and I met her the other day as well. Sweet.As.Pie.

There's a funny smell in the air that I can only assume comes from farm chemicals wafting my way. I will be so excited to have this corn GONE for the year and I pray for beans and wheat next season. I went to the attic this morning for the first time in forever looking for some papers. There is so much up there that needs to be chunked, but it's not near as bad as it used to be. My hobby for the past few years has been going through the history of an entire family and sorting into piles what to keep and share. Technically I'm not a hoarder because it all has value I just have no venue for selling it. Too lazy for EBay and not nearly organized enough. When I realized today that I didn't have my current W2 or my parents' insurance policies, I was forced into trudging up there in the heat. God bless all ya'll who work where it's hot because I wouldn't last 30 minutes.

The Today show has been one of my favorite things about being able to finally watch TV and this morning they were all about the Emmy awards and everybody wanted to sit on Al's couch for an interview. I know that the market demands that they get paid like that but damn. I only saw one little sliver of Kevin Spacey's face and wish I had Netflix just for that. More and more often cable networks are outperforming the MSM lotso'- ads kind of stuff and I'm glad I lived to see it. Lionsgate and HBO are companies that have always had my heart. My favs like Modern Family and BB were honored "heavily" and I couldn't be happier. It's quite obvious that I'm still in a fantasy world, if you know what I mean. I really never did want to grow up and be a responsible adult, even though I've played the part for many years.

Now for today's shameless pimp-out: My friend Joe Robinsmith has started a cheesecake business in Canada and has been posting his creations and crowdsourcing festivals to get it off the ground. This is one of the two guys who have had my back the ENTIRE time I've been a blogger and I wish only the best for him. Check him out and friend him on my FB page. He doesn't ship yet but could use the support! As for Drew, love you too and mean it. He sells genuine cast iron cookware himself. Shannon, Idgie, Mahala and all those others have their own little stores so why not me? I've always been a procrastinator (shut.up.) and totally missed out on the high times of Etsy. My pictures are scattered around in boxes and on drives and there is very little organization there. Now that the house is clean maybe I can put BG on that task! That is when she's not busy driving Miss Poopie.

Peace and love. Adopt a a tightass politician out of office or serve at a soup kitchen. Do something for Christ's sake. It is only with action that peace can be accomplished. And it's what Jesus would do.


Monday, August 25, 2014

dance in the graveyard

Like many folks I have spent a fair amount of time considering how I would like for my life to be remembered when I'm gone. I've spent so many years attending funerals with piped in sacred music that I know for a fact that's not how I wanna' go. I am a member of a local church so I suppose that pastor would have to do the honors even though he doesn't know me from Adam. Come to think of it though, it doesn't even have to be a formal "minister" and I believe I have a couple of friends who know me well enough and are spiritual enough to carry things forward. Over the years my picks for preacher and pallbearers and songs have changed a lot, mostly because I plan to be cremated. With that in mind I can picture an informal gathering of loved ones gathering on the bluff behind the dairy barn and slinging those ashes in the wind all over the farm and back to dust. I'm pretty sure one single pallbearer could handle a box of ash.

Mourning is something that all of God's creatures do in some form or fashion. Most of the time when you speak of grieving a loss it seems to involve a specific person. In actuality, we are all in a constant state of change and grief as life giveth and taketh away. I've mourned for parents not yet gone but who depend on me to be safe. My heart aches over betrayals and the loss of certain truths. When I entered therapy at the age of 32 I remember vividly Bev bringing out a discussion on me being with my grandmother as she died a few years earlier. Her words were "Sometimes grandmas hang around for a long time." The stages of grief were proposed by EK Ross the wise and wonderful author of many books and programs outlining humanity. Denial.Anger.Bargaining.Acceptance are terms that are now used in most every grief support setting. Something that I have noticed for myself is that the process is much more manageable when the loss is not sudden. In that case, the process starts long before the loss actually happens as we adapt to each day's new reality. In any case, it seems that about four years is the span after which it's not such a heavy burden for me personally. This is why experts advise not to make any major financial decisions following the death of a family member. Pain can overtake common sense, if you know what I mean. My mother the brilliant one began a grief support group at our church many years ago. That was one of the many ministries in which she was involved. She and a group of others began delivering homebound communion to shut-in members. Now, she is a recipient. The unbroken circle of being a caring loving soul.

Two weeks from tomorrow I will turn 59 which is just a skip away from SIXTY...Lord, how did that happen? Here's how. I was born the eldest daughter of Billy and Janice on September 9, 1955. Growing up in the country was both a bane and blessing for me but I sure as heck did hightail it back out here when I got the chance. My daughter was 4 years old then and we were five years prior to divorce #1. She grew and flourished as the only child and grandchild around. Things got dark for her at an early age which I never realized until much later. I worked, he worked, we played when we had time. There were a couple of family beach vacations to Gulf Shores before it got blown away. We ran with people who had kids her age and partied when there was time. We divorced again when she was a senior in high school.

Eleven years later I am a single "middle" aged gal with a huge chunk of debt and no boyfriend. That is probably a lot of my own doing because I want one when I want one but then I want him to go away when I need alone time which is often. You would think there'd be a huge demand for that kind of relationship considering guys and their space issues. You got a man cave? I say yay for you AND your woman. I haven't lived alone for more than six months at a time in my entire life. My four puppy dogs keep me in real good company and don't cheat on me! I am slowly recovering from an injury that happened in February of this year. It has not been fun and I realize now that my body is feeling its' age and can't do what it used to. That's a loss right there but I'm learning to adapt and grow in other ways. I pray that I don't lose my sight like Mama did because then how could I blog?

I'm pretty sure there's an app for that. Peace and love ^j^

Sunday, August 24, 2014

reality sets in

I've been pretty much in a cave for the past month which has involved sleeping 12 hours a day and allowing my body to heal itself. It's about time for the next step which will be MRF release to help loosen up everything that got cut. It's very gentle and not the type thing at all that will make you sore or sorry. Excellent pain relief, and something that I will need as I begin to learn how to use the right arm again. I have three weeks to get that done to where I can go back to work sans lifting. That takes about six months or so I believe. This whole mama and the broken leg deal has sort of thrown my recovery for a loop and I still remember hanging the sling over that ER bedrail two weeks post-op listening to her cry from the pain of a spiral fracture of the femur. There was surgery, a rod and screw and several harrowing days in intensive care as her fragile body fought once again to live. She is more content now that I've seen her in eons and much safer to boot. Daddy brought me some candy bars yesterday as his excuse for a visit and we had to sit inside because the heat index was about 110. Ugh and ugh.

My brother and his family are at the beach which is something I won't see for a long time,dammit. There's been a large rattler of an earthquake in CA which is nothing new. I figure the New Madrid is probably gonna' act up soon because of all the commercial activity up there in Lake County at the giant port. Rails are being installed and soon there will be acres of containers of "things" to be delivered who knows where. For all of the economic prosperity that this project promised, I've seen little in my little corner of the world. Earlier this year I was at the point where I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but it went dark on me before I could even buy a new outfit. Since I've been sick I have splurged on the convenience of carry out food from high price places a couple of times but other than that? I've been wearing the hair shirt, so to speak. Daddy sat in mama's old recliner and I was cross-legged on my bed and we chatted about his "schedule." Why in the world he loves the news is beyond me because it's all bad but it keeps him entertained.

What I read this morning was that the asshat Beatle wannabe' jihadists who killed Foley have been identified and are ready to do their thing again if there is no ransom paid. Also in #ferguson there are more details coming out about shooters and shootees now that the dust has settled a bit. I hear that open carry black panther type groups are taking to the street to defend themselves from militarized police action and all I can think of is "Jesus wept." Put down the damn guns and talk across the table like intelligent folks. Meet in the middle. Is that so hard??? Evidently it is for extremists of any sort.

Elizabeth Warren has announced (for the 98th time) that she will not run for POTUS in spite of the fact that a PAC is raising money for just that. Her honorable self has already legally disclaimed any involvement with the group. Transparency is the name of the game sister.

The big news here is that it's almost Dyer County Fair week which always happens around my birthday. I worked the gates as a teenager and college student and it was a huge deal even then with it all laid out next to the cemetery. Every kid in the county and then some brings their arts and crafts in for competition as well as fresh flowers, canned food hogs and sheep. There is a karaoke championship and a talent show plus several beauty reviews. I haven't been since BG was old enough to NOT want to go.

Who's ready for fall? You know this gal is!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

hell freezes over

I was still a regular at the kudzu bar when that album came out and we played the heck out of it on the jukebox. "Get Over It" became my theme song but none of the local karaoke folks had it yet. When we went out of town for a birthday party and ended up in a bar one late night, they did have it and that was my debut in front of a bunch of drunks that didn't know me. Perfect timing! I later did that one and a couple of Bonnie Raitt tunes at the Kudzu bar which was my karaoke swan song. There was always way too much talent up in there for me to feel secure.

Man, is it hot..and the humidity is so bad I can't see past the ancient windows dripping with sweat. I just got off the phone from a head check with mom over at the home and she's good. Weekends are not the usual rush rush there because there is no physical therapy so you're pretty much on your own which, for her, means listening to books on tape and chatting with her friends all around the country on the handy dandy Jitterbug. She has a nice roommate so that helps as well. Daddy is doing EXCELLENT except for the fact that she's not there for him to recite his timeline to. That's when he calls me or loads up on the gator for a visit. Yes, indeed. We are a village.

With Congress on vacay and the POTUS playing golf (for which he has received a whole boatload of hell) things are at a dull roar in the political arena. The Westboro bunch is headed over to picket ISIS which I think is a brilliant idea in all respects if they can scratch up plane fare to Syria. Somehow I doubt with their combined intelligence they could raise enough to get to the airport. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders are still picking up steam which tickles me to death of course.

One of my oldest friends just came by with a get well present and we talked at the kitchen table about life love and the Cardinals while Boogs and Shannah did laundry. Never a dull moment around here, I'm just saying. I'm back in the sling for awhile after discovering that it's nice to not have the sound of velcro popping with every move but it hurts when you don't use it. And speak of the devil, daddy just rolled in on the gator in 100 degree temps and is now walking to the mailbox for me. I am blessed.

Keep the faith and call your mother ^j^

Friday, August 22, 2014

come together...right now

I slept without the sling last night which was glorious while it lasted but I'm paying today. I've even learned how to put it on by myself! It's time for BG to get back out there in the world of job seeking and soul searching now that I'm becoming a bit more independent. She still has to help me with a bath though. I'm gonna miss having my hair washed by somebody every day.

So, it seems that media matters and in fact shapes social discourse on more than just the local level, thanks to Bill Gates and all them. We now know that acres of journalists crawling around the war zone of Ferguson just added fuel to the fire. Professionalism, my ass. Anyone who considers him or herself a speaker of truth will admit that there are no pat answers in that situation and nothing comes of stoking the violent atmosphere. Nothing but more violence, that is. Reading about the beheaded journalist in Syria I passed on yet another chance to watch the "real" video because really? I know how it ends and I'm not into train wrecks or giving ISIS the satisfaction of being a part of their peep show. These folks are gonna' really be surprised when Allah turns on them for that sort of crap. When you showcase like that? No virgins in heaven for you.

It's officially hot as hell and the corn is getting drier by the day. Bubba estimates it will be shelled around my birthday so I hope somebody gives me an economy pack of Benadryl. I am asking my parents for tuition assistance to attend a local economic development class that begins in about a month. Everybody knows how I'm an idea person who can never quite figure out how to put hands and feet on a project so I'm looking forward to the opportunity to learn. There will be a speaker (short) and the rest consists of round table discussions for how to grow business ideas. I have two or three in mind and will hopefully come out with a business model that can be used for any of them.

We think Ryder may be pregnant and for sure she has worms so there's another hit to the wallet. Pretty soon they'll all have them. They're switching between the cool of the dirt and laminate floors during these incredibly hot days. Dog days, as they say. I had not even noticed that the pecan trees in my yard are loaded for the 2nd year in a row until my brother pointed it out this morning. He had taken Daddy to see his bride over at the home and scooped me up for a chicken store run. Pump five is on and ready for a fillup!! That area of town is in stark contrast to the once thriving community that was South Dyersburg. At least the crackhead hotel is gone.

My friend Judy is about the one who ever comments on here and she reminded me yesterday that no matter how bad things are, somebody else has it worse. Her blog friend had just lost her 23 year old daughter unexpectedly. I cannot imagine the pain involved with losing a child.

Keep the faith and carry on ^j^

Thursday, August 21, 2014


We got to sleep in this morning until time to go pick Daddy up and head over to the home for paper signing. Mama will be there for 30 days and after that I dunno. No weight bearing for 8 weeks is what they said so it sounds like wheelchair time after her time there. PT will more than likely consist of upper arm strengthening so as to spare the broken leg much pressure. I guess she could drag it behind a walker but that other one is failing fast. For now, she's in a bed with a nice roommate and nice people to care for her every wish. The mini-fridge was unplugged when we got there with Dilly bars but BG took care of that quickly. There are all kinds of "workers" and I'm amazed at how the whole thing runs smooth as silk connecting the chronically ill with their families. The admin there sings in the choir with Daddy and they chatted about hairdos by the gospel singin' beauticians and other important issues.

Ferguson? Don't ask me man. It's like a bad movie playing over and over again every night. I read the comments about how they come out at night because they blend in with the darkness and I want to puke yet I know that there is an entire generation of African Americans who feel entitled for something they never earned as sucklings on the entitlement tit yet can still buy Fubu and NBA gear. Fuck that ya'll! I'm the hard working tax paying citizen who has helped on that bill for a lot of years. I'm not saying the police response was right. I'm just saying that the money won't go on forever. Get yo' baggy ass out of the 'hood and focus on something besides yourself and the race card.

Middle East? Hmm. If the POTUS knows what's good for him he'll bring the planes home and let the whole thing implode. I'm sorry that the guy got killed, but I respect the fact that no ransom was paid (we think.) If there was, we got screwed sort of like when we fought those wars where we were protecting the foreign oil prior to that big fat pipeline that will split our country. Keystone..just say no.

In other news the neighbors will probably be moving post-fire so that's a good thing. Now I can pick my own after the restoration company does their thing. My best neighbors ever were Tommy and Yvette who were runnin' the roads as big city reporters but always came back to the homestead. They taught me the reality of don't own/can't defend and struck out on their own to make it happen in their lives. Both are talented artists in many respects including photography, story telling and simple pleasures. There is an ancient brick outdoor grill that we shared many a meal over with beer and wine enjoying the moment.

BG and I had this teary conversation at the round table (which is really oblong) about the whole concept of what Jesus did so that we could be forgiven for not being perfect. The past month has been a blur of surgery and more surgery and hospitals and nursing homes and both of us are just kinda' like "really?" It was supposed to be my time to rest but it didn't turn out that way. It has taken a toll on the entire family and my friend Lorna pointed out that I am the matriarch now. That's some scary shit with this family!

Other than that, it's all sunshine and rainbows. Oh..and unicorns!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

brighter day

First thing this morning when I hit the PC I read that a veteran journalist kidnapped two years ago in Syria has been executed. Afraid to watch the tape, I still have an image of Daniel Pearl seared into my brain. While journalists know the risks involved in covering war, they take on the responsibility for the money but also to feed that insatiable appetite of the public for the "next big story." Sadly as well, I watch and listen as class warfare begins to destroy the fabric of our country and everybody is all in a twit when anarchy breaks out. Our society, hungry for the luxuries that oil can buy, has bought hook line and sinker into the idea that the glory days of our economic power will last forever. Afraid not kids...see 2008. The corn that surrounds me now is not even being grown for food. It will go guessed. Fuel.

Mama made it to the home yesterday evening after much ado and a day of long waiting for the wheels to turn. Her nurse got sick and they were short and I worried the fire out of 'em by phone so I feel kind of bad. The whole family looks to ME as the one to get things done and I just can't right now. I was talking to my younger brother as he sat on his porch with wine and listened to his daughter chatter in the background. I found out this morning that the "special" people had a fire last night too which I totally missed because I go to bed before sundown. It's still standing so we shall see about the damages.

In other news and this is not gossip but public information: The company for which I work was hacked by Chinese cybercriminals who stole demographics on 4.5 million patients in 20something states. I don't watch the market but I imagine there might be a trend of a dip for a few days. Normally they are a good performing company stock wise. This is no different, and less dangerous, than the credit card thefts that have occurred at Target etc. We depend on electronic technology to get things done in our fast paced society, but there is a price to pay for having a footprint.

We have a week of temps coming that will be pure summer in the south so I'm glad to be indoors. Nothing wears me out more than going from car to place and back and forth until I get home. My days are short still, about ten hours or so before I lay it down for the evening and let the dogs snuggle. My stamina is not much, but then the last week just kind of took out of me what I had gained. It's time to let the universe run itself again.

No words of wisdom here...I'm just hanging out in a sling keeping the faith ^j^

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

on being a good girl

I was born into a society where women were expected to be nice to everybody most especially the ones in charge. Submission was something to be valued for those women because very little else was expected of them. My own mother did work, however, and we were raised by neighbor women and family members who acted as nannies when she and Daddy were out of pocket. Margaret was one of them with her chocolate brown skin, freckles and braids atop her short body. Annie was the other and she towered over us, black as coal and sweet as pie. I didn't look at them as servants because they were not...they were my friends. When Margaret died from complications of diabetes we all filed into the little Methodist church on a hot August day, my youngest brother wearing a wool sport coat, bless his heart. Annie is still living in a retirement home in Lake county and gives me the biggest old hug every time we run across each other.

The revolving door that is geriatric care is becoming (one of) the biggest challenges to today's healthcare systems. They all consist of intricacies that are way beyond the skill set of most of the elderly and since it's Medicare we pay the bill knowing that when our turn comes? It probably won't be there. Ditto for Social Security. One of my friends offered to share a cardboard box with me when we get down and I laughed, but you know? It could happen. Ferguson MO is still a freakin' zoo even with the National Guard on the streets. Once again, my belief is that anarchy must not be allowed to prevail and if that don't play well with your homies, get on out of there. What is astounding to me is that the poll I read shows that black people STILL think it's a racial issue. I'm way more concerned at the military type tactics of the police in response to this situation. This morning I watched some chick from Florida doing target practice with drones that cost 45 bucks just to rebuild. Somebody has too much time and money on their hands while the rest of us soldier on. Truth justice and the American way!

Mom is moving to the rehab facility today at who the hell knows o'clock and that's okay with us. 9 days in hospital is about enough for any old soul. Though she wants a "private" room, I'm told that her roommate is a quiet sort who keeps to herself and won't steal mom's stuff. The last time she was there the lady in the other bed took her Easter basket that the church kids had dropped off! We still laugh about that one. Thankfully I've been able to keep in touch with the main players of this drama by phone so I don't have to get dressed and act like a big girl just yet. I'm off all meds except for the pre-op selection so there's some mood fluctuation going on but the pain is slowly getting better. We've had monsoons two days in a row, one of which I was just sure was gonna' turn into something bad simply because of the color of the sky. You know...yellowy,orangish kinda' purple. Eerie!

So, I'm really not that good of a girl I reckon. I have good intentions and usually let my heart lead me into difficult situations when it comes to relationships but I am learning to embrace assertiveness as a way to care for myself. Nothing good ever comes from giving 150%.

Peace and love~

Sunday, August 17, 2014

fly over

I heard some commotion a few minutes ago and went to the back porch delighted to find a formation of fighter planes practicing for the airshow in my freakin' yard almost! The golf course road separates our place and the golf course (of course) plus the city airport right behind it. We have used those runways as access to our homes when the water got so high you couldn't pass with a tractor. The Halls airbase was bustling with activity during WWII and many an airman found his bride around these parts. There is a museum there now and the annual air show is a local favorite. they come again! Those suckers are LOWWWW.

Mom is around the corner on this event and headed to rehab in the next few days. She has her choice of two places both of which can provide what she needs so it's up to her. My arm is very sore and I'm trying to tough it out with Aleve today so we shall see. Looks like there might be rain on the way which will hopefully settle the dust but dang the next week is gonna' be brutal temperature wise. Yeah, we've been lucky so far.

I have no opinions on Michael Brown yet because the whole story (meaning that not controlled by the media) hasn't been presented. I'm so sorry for the little junior reporters that got cleared out of McDonald's but please. When there's that kind of chaos going on, don't add another element of danger. My riverguy friend Brian lives near there and has been following the whole thing closely for a WEEK now???? Cmon people. Get.A.Grip. There is injustice all over the world and it's not just because you're black and unarmed. However, I do think it's a shame that our militarized police state has trumped all the little people. My brother is a former TV reporter AND cop with a couple of toddlers. Someone actually called him OUT for leaving his child in the car while he grabbed a paper or something. That's says volumes about our "I am right and you are wrong" mentality.

I'm lost right now, unable to do what I want and too tired to try even if I could. This past week has taken a toll both physically and mentally. I was just about to get to a relaxed spot when you-know-what hit the fan. My friend's 62nd birthday is today and she's coming by for a visit. Her family surprised her with a party yesterday featuring lots of food, fun and pictures. Cute kids...lovely family!

I can hear the locusts now singing the end of summer song. They are loud at sundown which I've noticed comes earlier than when I began to retire at 6PM. My stamina is zero in spite of long rests so I guess it's time to exercise my legs. The calves are sore from me actually using them to push up rather than my right arm.

Happy Sunday and almost football season to those who care! That means you Nita :)

Saturday, August 16, 2014

monkey farts

Once upon a time when I got a package from BF there was a cute jar full of change that formerly held something of that scent. At that time I had never heard of it but NOW I know thanks to my buddy Charlie Brooke and her lip stuff. So, when Kimm showed up last night with some candles and one of the tarts was Monkey Farts I immediately knew it would be a favorite along with orange and strawberry melon. Her stuff is 100% soy with zero smoke and no headaches. We sat in the fading sunlight of my room chatting about this that and the other including family history and who we've seen which is nobody because all we do is go to work and come home. We go all the way back to kudzu bar days when she and my redneck friend were bankers. That's a whole 'nother story which I shan't go into. I remember her pouring a pitcher of beer over my cousin Kenny's head at some birthday party and he didn't speak to her for years.

Mom was up in a chair when we got there with a sausage biscuit and large Dr.Pepper. She has her cell phone now so all her buddies can call her for updates instead of me! She's a little confused and has a broken leg but her mind is sharp most of the time. We helped her brush her teeth for the first time in a week and put some baby lotion on that sweet face. And then, we left her with my grinning co-workers. The red head thinks mine and mama's surgeon is "easy on the eyes" and she asked me to give him a message the other day which I delivered. I won't tell you what his response was...heh.

Just in case any of you don't realize the serendipity of this whole situation, let me point out once again that we have a social worker in the family who is doing pro-bono payback for being the only grandchild for many years. My parents adored her and still do. She's the only one who can get Daddy to say the L word except for mom. I got a wild hair the other day and wanted to be *auburn* because that sounds really mysterious and a bit darker than the blond life I've known. What I got was hot pink with blonde streaks and brown roots. BG went to the store and got some plain old brown to fix the whole mess. Maybe Shannah will give me a cut while we're at it. Boogs is coming over sometime and I'm ready to chat and read boooookkks.

This has been #deadelvismania all damn week along with the other drama. When the King died they did a post-mortem at the now absent Baptist downtown and one of our pathologists was on that team. Talk about your moment of fame! I saw Priscilla on the teevee yeterdat announcing the launch of a new Heartbreak Hotel for all the tourists. I know I'm a hippie, but I just don't get it. Whatever floats your boat I reckon. It is a dark life that is led by those whom society adores. At that time I was in transit from UTCHS to home back to Memphis for my first job. Only I never made it there to be a microbiologist at John Gaston. I remember driving I240 on the way to that apartment that I never slept in. Now it's the 'hood complete with gunfire. One of my classmates is a hospital admin in East Tennessee and we have recently hooked back up via our mutual buddy Julie of Big Stone Gap. Gaye got married when we graduated and we made the trip together for that union. Not sure how long it lasted but I think she's pretty happy now. I made decent grades there but was nowhere near the top GPA-wise. You can imagine how floored I was when the Queen Bee of the program called to tell me I had the highest grade on the comprehensive. At that time Brenta Davis was an icon at UT and very politically active in getting national attention for our profession. It wasn't until years later that one of the two Cuban pathologists we had said that someday "monkeys would do lab work." Right.

The airbase in Halls just south of my house has a yearly weekend show featuring vintage airplanes that have been coming in for over 24 hours. I remember once my cheapass boyfriend took me and parked in a bar parking area so we wouldn't have to pay admission. Live and learn.

Ya'll be safe and peaceful~

Friday, August 15, 2014

the sixth life

Mama has "almost" died several times over the past few years and this go around scared the bejesus out of all of us. Since Sunday night she has gone through surgery, spent several days in intensive care with failing kidneys and falling 02 sats and pH but thanks to her spunk and the prayers of many PLUS excellent care, she has rallied once again! Most of BG's time has been spent taking care of me and running back and forth to the hospital. This morning she finally made it to group after visiting with mom for a minute and leaving me and daddy there to watch her sleep. Her confusion and combative attitude of yesterday have turned into a resignation to rest and get back home, one more time. While I know that her time is coming, it isn't now evidently. Thanks to Big Ernie and all of ya'll for keeping her lifted up through this crisis.

Mama was born to Harold and Geraldine in November of 1933. They were a couple totally in love and oddly suited for each other. Geraldine was the somewhat privileged daughter of Oscar and Ethel Hamilton, and of course there's lots of Agee up in our roots. Harold, or Pawpaw as we called him, was a post WWII success what with his service station and real estate bidness. That's how Daddy came to be the manager of Calcutt Farms, though his father-in-law. Gaga didn't work until she had to which was later in life after all the money was gone. That's not a story I like to dwell on because it just makes me mad. Mama was overweight most of her life and still managed to enjoy Camp Hiawasee and every dang club at Dyersburg High School which was right across the street from her home at the time on College. It was the fifties and segregation was still alive and well so I got cared for by multiple adoring family members and devoted housekeepers who cooked better than Paula Deen. Pawpaw and his daddy were members of a traveling band and there's a picture somewhere that escapes me. Maybe later, hmm?

Mia familia, though uniquely mine, is not any more extraordinary that those of every man and woman. It is what it is and it was what it was. The recording of said history is what's important. Bubba and I were discussing crops today and he said the beans probably won't be ready until DECEMBER?? Corn is behind too and I must admit I'm feeling a bit of claustrophobia these days. It will probably come down right about the time I return to the sawmill. If things keep on this track we'll have soy turkey for Thanksgiving.

Love ya. Mean it ^j^

Thursday, August 14, 2014


Mom is still in ICU but now knows who she is and kina' sorta' how she got there. It's been a long week for her beginning with the ambulance ride Sunday night. I am still absolutely floored with the outpouring of prayer and support for she and my family. Daddy is headed for his own doctor's appointment this morning and Bubba is getting groceries and picking up a prescription for me. It takes a village, you know. Gigi scooped me up yesterday afternoon for a dip in her pool which seemed more heavenly than ever before just because I feel germy. There were three of them watching to make sure I didn't fall or slip under the water. Bleach is good, ummkay! I slept like a baby since mom worries were a little lighter.

I'm pretty much out of touch with the "real world" as in what's going on war and politics wise. Since Congress is on vacay there's nothing up there (and there usually isn't even when in session.) Do nothing is their motto. I haven't seen Boogs in a couple of days and I miss his little voice. He and BG talk up a storm about every little thing and then some.
We are being blessed again with a cool(er) spell making August not the usual sweatfest that it can be in Tennessee.

And so, since my life consists pretty much of going from chair to chair at this point, I have very little to say. I am humbled by my current limitations and hope to heal completely though I know that arthritis will always be a thorn in my side. And shoulder. And knees!

Enjoy the quiet. Pretty soon I'll bust loose with all sorts of wisdom! Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

baby steps

I said nada on the intensive care visit yesterday afternoon opting instead for a spell this morning. Mama is a real talker and was struggling against the bi-pap to tell us what to do ask about daddy. There were tests and treatments and lots of life saving things going on. Her nurses and therapists are respected co-workers who keep me in the loop with the short list of important things. Since I am her DPA for healthcare, it's all good. At this point, I'm gonna' have to give it up and let the universe take over because my shoulder hurts from all the traveling. It's not like in the old days when we didn't have smart phones! As we were making our way out to the car I started to tear up a bit and we passed this guy I know by the door talking on his cell. Still cute after all these years. And still a smartass. Mom's current healthcare crisis has shown me dock to door how care is delivered to the elderly. The only rude caregiver I came across was in the ER and she got over it in a hurry. Here's the thing: we should treat ALL of them like they are our own family members. Rude girl was probably on her period or something equally traumatic.

BG and I shared a quite powerful video earlier concerning all the violence and wah wah surrounding Michael Brown's death in Missouri. What this (also black) man basically said was "quit whining about the poelice." Dude also called out Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson. Reparations my ass. Nobody who knows me would ever dare call me a racist if they realize that I grew up playing with the neighbor kids before integration was mandated. Chew on that one haters. My point is this...the sagging set of today's world who thinks it's cool to terrorize people trapped in their cars because they're WHITE? You are way too young to even remember anyone who was a slave. Get over it.

Hmm. Iraq got a hundred more troops and you would think it was all out invasion to listen to the media. That is a reasonable number to establish a rescue mission for those people on the mountains. Then, get the hell out and let them figure it out on their own or die. Not.Our.Job.

Lauren Bacall and Robin Williams have died and I just heard that one of my oldest friends has as well. Charles Hendrix owned the local skating rink forever and lived right behind it. His wife Louise and I were fellow lab techs and it was one big happy family back in the day. She retired to "help" him with the landlord business and grandkids. She will be lost for awhile, but I know that life has a way of hooking up the grieving with just the right amount of social activity to keep them believing. BG (who was named after Bacall and Hutton) is currently chopping the shit out of my home grown 'maters for a nice marinara.

Life is good~

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

deja vu

Mo picked me up around 8 last night for a hospital run to check on my mama, bless her heart. BG had been camped out in the ICU waiting room for two hours prior. About the time I got there, the OR crew let us in for a peek and she was totally zonked to the point where they had to keep waking her up to breathe! A bit later they wheeled her into the unit and we followed her in then promptly left. It was a long day on many levels, beginning with my own checkup and ending with her leg fixed and a dose of Daddy on the gator and financial maneuvering in between. Daddy had a ball talking to all the people on her Jitterbug that I had to dial for him. I could hear him in the next room as I puttered in the kitchen telling the "girls" all about it. BabySister called this morning for a follow up saying that she worried all night. Me too BS, me too. The Supermoon was shining again through the lace curtains of my bedroom spilling onto the quilt where my furbabies were laid ont next to their Momma as I turned in. I usually have one on each side and a couple on the end of the comes in real handy during the winter! Mo and BG and I sat in the tv-less waiting room passing time with casual conversation and cellphones. Another patient followed mom out of surgery and I gained a whole new appreciation for night shift watching all that. Her nurse called this morning and said she's doing well, waking in fits and starts and promptly nodding back off. This is the time to stay away and let her rest. The hard work that will be required in the coming days is something to save energy for. Her knee is normally about the size of a cantaloupe anyway so I'm sure it was a challenge up in there. My understanding is there's a rod and a screw so no more TSA x-rays for her.

As we sat there, my mind went back to another time when my grandmother was in that very same unit dying of sepsis. She had developed peritonitis following a bowel resection and I was her advocate. I won't tell that story again except for the part where I stood on the counter and did a war dance until somebody listened to this "almost a nurse." I spent that entire night camped out there with my mom, Aunt Granny and KY cuz. It's what families do, and I've seen several generations surround a hospital bed and sing somebody onto glory. Robin Williams is like a member of everyone's family and I've never seen an entertainer's death make such an impact as his. Sadly many of the comedic talents of our lives suffer with depression and mental illness. Even with all the trappings of a grand lifestyle, they feel empty inside. When I first met my fairy blogmother we were both pretty damn depressed and reading her words helped me to define what I was going through myself. In truth, that's the only way to help yourself in combination with the right meds, which can be tricky. My happy cocktail has stayed the same for years now and seems to work as long as life doesn't get TOO bad.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the love and support ^j^

Monday, August 11, 2014

the family plan

Oh boy. Even by my standards this is a mess of epic proportions. As I was getting ready to hit the bed yesterday evening Daddy called frantic that Mom had fallen (again) and to call an ambulance. I know better than to do that without a spot check so BG and I loaded up our tired asses and headed down toward Casa Grands. We found her laid out in the bathroom floor crying in pain and unable to move so 911 it was. The two guys from EMS who scooped her up are longtime family friends and since I'm an employee I was allowed to ride up front. First time in 59 years I've ever ridden in one, front OR back. I watched through the window as the other fella' did his assessment and started some pain meds. Sometimes, it's good to know folks. Following a 4 hr stint in the ER she was admitted with a broken femur, a spiral fracture whatever that is. As fate would have it, my surgeon is in the 'burg on Monday so he was contacted and will do the procedure late this afternoon. Cardiology has classified as "morbid to high" but anesthesia and the surgeon have agreed that it's okay to proceed so here we go. All her nurses are friends and we work together to get things done all legal and HIPPA like. And yes, I realize the huge blessing in all of this. Big hugs to all ya'll there at the sawmill!!

I had a two week post-op visit today and was told I'm on course. He didn't even fuss about the sling being wrong or the fact that I had taken off the bandage. The magic words were "you can now get that shoulder as wet as you want." Bingo! It still hurts...a lot and it's kind of hard with what's going on to rest it due to all the in and out car trips and whatnot. I know my limits and BG will be at the hospital for surgery duty, not me. Honestly? I can't handle anymore right now. My proverbial plate is full.

We visited the big loan shark to feed the baby fish so maybe things will settle down in the financial sector. I see this whole experience of slowing down my pace as something that Big Ernie meant to be. I'm tired, like really tired. When my aunt did this Cousin Mo had Granny in a Martin hospital and got stuck due to the very ice storm that caused my tendon tear. Polar vortex..remember? It is amazing to me how our far flung family comes together in times of crisis like this. No bitching or whining, just the facts. The past five years have been grueling as I've watched my formerly proud and happy parents turn into old people, fighting every step and change in their path. Daddy is waiting it out at home with Ms. Faye and the teevee which works well. His impatience doesn't play well when there's a wait involved. She was crying for us this morning to tell him she loves him.

Here's the thing. I'm scared of losing my parents even though it's been years since they were healthy adults and able to take care of me. I am who they made me to be : tough and proud with a tender heart for anything gentle and loving and peaceful. If I had the time and energy I'd be growing a garden like him and putting up shit like she did in the 110 degree kitchen AFTER she fried all that produce up and made cornbread. That makes me sweat just thinking about it! Each time she has gotten injured she gets a bit more fragile and won't give up trying to take care of herself. I admire it, but I know in my heart that being waited on is what she needs. I've been eating it up around here with BG running me on roadtrips.

Group hug ^j^

Sunday, August 10, 2014

free as a bird

It was like a funny movie scene today as all five of us loaded in the Camry to go out for breakfast. We picked the Grands up at church which put me squished between Jordan and Daddy like a Poopie sammich. Mom's walker, which usually rides in the back seat was in the trunk. Tony discovered the perfect way to get them in and out by doing a U-turn in the parking lot right up to the dang door. Our friend Bobbie works there and she enjoyed seeing the babyman just like everybody else in the place. He talked and ate and dazzled folks and is now sleeping soundly with a belly full on pancakes and sausage rolls. He and TT did a little swinging and playing in the dirt and I played ball with him until he dropped it into the AC vent. Maybe the doc will have another when I go to see him tomorrow.

Several people who have had similar operations tell me that I'm doing well in my recovery. My biggest problem is finding a comfy way to sleep. And putting on pants. I haven't worn a bra in two weeks and I feel empowered with that freedom which is something I never think about really. When out and about the boulder holder stays on from daylight 'til almost dark. The key to this whole thing is "keep it simple." Rome wasn't built in a day and the surgery that was performed requires careful rehab.

I feel quite grateful to be a citizen of this country considering all the drama elsewhere. The POTUS is getting slammed already for going on vacation while the whole world goes to hell in a handbasket. The truth is, if Congress can shut down for vacay without addressing the important issues on the table, why should he hang around. He can't do much without their approval, ya know? Executive action as I have witnessed under his tenure has been used wisely. I'm not pro Gaza or Israel or Ukraine or Russia. I just want everybody to get along and quit fighting. Yeah, I know. When donkeys fly!

So umm. Multi-millionaire NASCAR driver Tony Stewart pinned a guy against a wall killing him. If he didn't have such a history of anger issues, I might think it was an accident and maybe it was. The thing is, it's a dangerous practice when in the hands of someone who throws hissy fits on a regular basis. My friend Lisa loves him to pieces, and no harm intended to her! Gigi is a Jimmy Johnson fan, herself. I'm needing some pool time for this old body sometime in the coming week. Just to stand in it would feel great.

The clouds are building and yes we have more rain in the forecast. Normally August and September are dry as heck around these parts. So far, August has been a monsoon of epic proportions dumping inches of rain at a time on crops that sorely needed it. The irrigation system has only been on for a couple of times this summer which is unusual too. We shall see, as they say.


Saturday, August 9, 2014

cabin fever

It's day three with no outing and I'm okay with that. The air is so thick with humidity you can't breathe and I had a sneezing fit this morning when I turned down the air. If the rain doesn't stop the corn will start throwing mold my way, like there's not enough already from the basement! Thank God for Singulair and Benadryl. Booger is coming for a sleepover and I'm excited about getting to play. He's a mess when he's cranky but pure joy when he's not. I'm still amazed that his third new word was "book." This little dude will travel the whole house with one in his hand to get somebody to read it. And sometimes he just reads to himself and makes up the it.

One of the things I've enjoyed the most is having time to read political threads and see where people's heads are at. As an independent voter I see nuggets of wisdom coming not only from both parties but from the ones like me who want to move away from extremism toward the middle. It's way to late to get rid of the two party system but a third one that doesn't accept PAC $$ would tickle me to death. Transparency is the key word and that is not happening with either party. As a conservative liberal I support gay marriage, women's right to choose birth contol options, and amnesty for border children. I am against any war that launched unless we are attacked at home. I am pro-choice, anti-bigotry,and against the death penalty. Fiscally, I'm rather conservative. I don't believe that SS is an "entitlement" because I've paid for it my entire life. I know like you do that there is a lot of abuse of social services and I realize that the society that has been created as consumers of that item will never change, just like Middle Eastern terrorists. Their behaviors are decades old and entrenched in drug abuse, poverty and domestic violence. Many have stepped up and broken the cycle and I applaud that. EBT is one of the ways that our Iraq and Afghanistan vets are supporting their families after returning home to a stagnant economy and poor access to healthcare. Yes people, PTSD is real.

I see healthcare as the biggest crisis du jour because big pharm and insurance are calling all the shots and making it almost impossible to STAY healthy to begin with. Preventive care should be free..period. Pap smears, mammograms and blood sugars are ways to prevent disease before it takes a toll that costs a whole helluva' lot more to treat. Now I'm not talking about your full chemistry panel at no charge, but blood glucose...a single reading 2 hours pp is an effictive way to screen for diabetes. Blood pressure checks don't cost a dime except for the stethoscope.

We had dolla' breakfast from MickeyD's because sometimes you just have to splurge. BG has plans to buy the ingredients and make our own. I'm down with that, you know? Homegrown is about to be my middle name.

Over and out from Pecan Lane. Call your mother and keep the faith!

Friday, August 8, 2014

conspiracy theory

I just spent a long time on the phone with a lifelong resident of Lake county and we were discussing the local election results. Both of us got new county mayors that look promising for the locals and the economy. I did not totally understand Prop 1 in MO and she explained to me that it will more than likely shut down family and/or organic farms in that state and the land around her port and my interstate is being chopped up like BBQ with imminent domain. The housing market is booming what with all the corporate big wigs from other countries coming around to supervise the transformation of our historic lands to a parking lot full of containers. I69 is the key to that little know the one that will run from Mexico to Canada so that we can transport to our heart's content. Never mind what all of this is doing to the Mighty Mississippi and Reelfoot Lake. Rant over. I do have a dog in this fight and will keep bitching.

I'm taking a different non-narcotic drug that helps with chronic nerve pain and it seems to be working well with Aleve. I suppose I've finally slept off the anesthesia enough to get back to a normal sleeping pattern if you call bed at 8 and wakeup at 6:30 normal. I was sleeping for 14 hours straight the first week! I'm amazing at how relaxed I am and how many thoughts are materializing now that I have the luxury of time to let them develop. The #1 funniest thing I've read so far today is about Mitch McConnell's wife being anti-coal. I wonder about Mrs. Rand Paul, wife of the Fancy Farm escape artist.

I feel positive about things around the world because so far we have managed to stay out of multiple civil wars that are none of our bidness' like Syria. Aid for those poor stranded people in Iraq Big Ike is on the way with a couple of bombs to knock ISIS out of the way. Lorna suggested turning the place into a big parking lot now that all the civilians are cornered and could be spared. Sometimes you just have to take charge and do things right. The people of this great country mostly understand what a mess we made over there and that we pretty much left them defenseless, yet it had to be done. Too many of OUR troops died defending I'm not sure what post 9/11.

Other random observations from my pointed little head include:

Toenail fungus is a total biatch to get rid of. I've skillfully removed every one of the nails and treated according afterward, bit by bit. It can spread to skin BTW, or even start there. I use peroxide and alcohol a LOT plus whatever that acid is.

I've stayed totally in for two days which makes me kind of crazy in some ways but happy in others. It's still rainy and the dogs are muddy. And so is my bed!

Spent yesterday going through old pics on a jump drive looking for one in particular and never did find it. I take a LOT of pictures/

I could totally get into some Hempz lotion right now because it smells so delicious and does the job.

Since Hastings didn't have House of Cards when I wanted it I gave up and will wait. TV stays off mostly in my room.

So, at least now I'm making lists and sometimes not even numbering then which is how us rebels roll. No bullet for your point??? Come on and get me grammar Nazis. I don't write by the rules, and never have. I write like I think and it's something you can't force. I know when it's time to sit down and let it flow and when to shut up and go to the next task.

Right now? That's laundry...or maybe not.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

9things i've learned from shoulder surgery

The current fad on most popular online sites is to put up a list of certain number of "things." That really appeals to me in a way since I'm such a hot mess of trying to be efficient, but always failing to reach the task at hand. I think you are born either efficient or not which is defined by the side of the brain in control. Or something like that. Anyways, the organizers in my life like BG and my bossfriend keep things pretty much on an even keel in spite of my wandering attention span. I'm telling ya, I need Adderol! The bandage is off and I can feel the reconstruction with my left hand enough to know that it is fragile and must not be messed with. The transition from opiates to OTC meds is a little painful, but doable. I've had all sort of time to stay current on world affairs (rarely turn on the TV that's in a two year satellite contract)choosing the WWW as a way to keep up. Today is election day and there are a few hotly contested races locally, including sheriff and county mayor. I've stayed out of campaigning for anybody lest I leave the impression that I'm "against" someone. My vote counted, for what it's worth.

It's been kinda' thunderstormy with more in the forecast. I fell asleep listening to the rumble of thunder last night. Thunderstormy means hot and humid which is not my ideal environment so I'm staying in. Shannah and fam are settling into their little crib and I haven't seen "the babyman" since ummm? Yesterday was a busy and emotional day for her and my heart goes out as far as the sling will let it! In the end, I think it will turn out to be a blessing.

1. Never take for granted the luxury of washing your own hair.

2. The sling is there for a reason and that is to support the repair of that mess of a shoulder. Use it.

3. Friends come out of the woodwork when you're sick.

4. My mother will always tell me what to do.

5. BG is officially qualified as a CNA.

6. There is nothing like a home cooked meal of stuffed shells. Nothing. Well, maybe Domino's spinach alfredo pizza

7. Using a mouse is extremely cumbersome when typing in a sling. I need something big and touch screen.

8. I miss my peeps at the sawmill but from what I hear I couldn't handle it at the moment.

9. Everytime I begin to lose faith in humanity, I think about Pope Francis.

Ya'll have a blessed weekend. I plan to do the same ^j^

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

online and no bandage

I've had the sling off on a couple of occasions just to see what it feels like (hurts) and finally ripped off the bloody bandage that was placed over the multiple entrance sites for the arthroscopic repair. They are steristripped down and my shoulder has a nice drawing in Sharpie outlining the plan of attack. According to BG, the surgeon said that the entire whatever you call that thing that covers the shoulder joint was torn off, bursa maybe? My bad for waiting so long. Had I known then what I know now? It would have been done toot suite. Either Blogger has been taken over by the Russian hackers or they're doing some maintenance because it's all squirrely with no stats. At least they're letting me type and save! There are a multitude of things I've learned to do with my left hand, letting that one lead the way and the hurt one just kinda' hang out. Typing is not one of those, by the way. That made me remember the very first internet help call I made to a local provider through dialup YEARS ago. He told me not to use all caps 'cuz it's like YELLING!!

It's hot and dry..the rain never materialized. Corn is turning yellow and gold and makes a beautiful sight at the moment. I still keep looking for the "children" or Shoeless Joe to turn up but nada. Not even a snake! I walked the yard yesterday for the first time and was dismayed at the flower beds that I carefully planted covered in morning glory and that stuff from the river that gets really tall. I can't believe I brought that up the hill because the flower was "pretty!" The grapevine out back wasn't planned it just happened after an afternoon of gathering that turned into nothing much but a small wreath and a long friendship. I've lost touch with a lot of folks but stayed in touch with many more which makes me feel good. I often wonder how we ever got along without the technology to communicate with loved ones. Sure...they survived but dang. We might need to pencil that one in under "zombie apocolypse" for possible scenarios. My dream last night was about losing my phone and being unable to call somebody for a bottle of hooch. WTF was that about? I only drink beer. Maybe my subconscious needs a fruity drink or something.

Anywho, we're still bungling along keeping the faith here on Pecan Lane.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

one week out

This time last Tuesday I was propped up in the outpatient surgery unit reading Janet Evanovich and waiting for the whole thing to be over. I was not really scared, just tired of waiting and dreading the pain. So far it has been quite manageable but I'm almost out of you know what even though I used them responsibly. I've taken just enough to keep the pain bearable when I'm up and moving around and not much around at all when I sleep. Aleve helps. Ibuprofen helps. Twelve hour naps help a LOT. I got all teary eyed yesterday thinking about how well BG has taken care of my ADHD ass. She knows I *tend to wander* and watches closely to make sure I don't fall yet again. Shannah and Boogs were back again this morning to scoop up more stuff and they're planning their first big meal at the new place.

The tears roll daily not from pain but from a freeing of pent up emotions that have been waiting for an opportune time to, not at the sawmill or while trying to get errands done. Mama is going to play Bingo today with her sister at the home and I sent BG this text from the next room last night." Wanna go play bingo with Mom and Aunt Granny?" Her reply: "How's Memaw gonna' play BINGO????" That's where she comes in, of course. I love it when that happens. I'm glad we've got a dang social worker in this village. Lord knows we need a case manager!!

So as far as I can tell the GOP is still a bunch of uptight assholes and the Dems and Independents could have a field day if they would just ramp up on things that the American people consider important which is most definitely NOT suing the president. Holy Jesus people...the middle East is about to implode and Ebola is running rampant being tested for but not yet isolated from African travelers. Not to mention Putin and his shenanigans. We do not care about ACORN or birthplace or Clinton's sex life. What we want is a way to support ourselves in a comfortable fashion doing work that is fair compensation in today's economy. We want Fred Phelps and Rush to go away forever. We want student loans refinanced for the decade's worth of students who bought into an education right about the time the market collapsed. We want children cared for by those who feel the need to do God's work in that way. We want the war on drugs/liberals/gays/ to end as well as the political process that pulls religion into government with big money promises. We want world peace, a cool new app for our fancy phones and lower gas prices without fracking up our great country. We would love to eat organically if only it were affordable. Thanks to the giant network that is dollar stores and EBT, that isn't possible for many people.

Basically all I want is to be left alone with my beliefs and passions and respected, if not for them, in spite of them. The great thing about FB is that I can control the content and if somebody slaps up a really nasty pro-gun or anti-Obama piece of crap I can move on. This is the area that really scares the bejesus out of me because so many people of below average intelligence claim the 2nd amendment as given from God. Oh, and their relatives too who are bi-polar and just waiting for a reason to go off on a bunch of innocent kids. Shame on you...all of you. Keep your handarms and rifles. Get rid of the automatics. As for the economy, I have to agree with my friend Keith that the incentive to start up businesses in our country is ridiculous because of our high corporate tax rate. That being said, small business do not HAVE to be corporations. The whole premise is one of supporting the local economy, on whatever level, to where the locals are taken care of. That doesn't just mean the rich ones or the entitled. Everybody, ya'll. The whole village, so to speak. That cuts out big government and gives us more power to stand alone without federal handouts. Keep an eye on TennCare...that one ain't over yet.

Monday, August 4, 2014

unearned blessings

Day 6 is a bitch because I'm feeling good enough to get out but not for long with that heat. We scrapped a plan to visit Gigi's pool because it's just too much trouble to get from pointA to pointB. We swang by the bank (twice) and BG learned how I roll on payday. BeccaBoo and 'Chele and them are just gorgeous and love to see the occasion to catch up with the families that do business there. Sam the former manager is working for TNgov now in some sort of child services position. We need a LOT of those here in the Volunteer state because our quality of living outside of Haslam, Corker and Alexander is atrocious. Oh, and whatever quarterback is being recruited. My daddy is one of the biggest UT fans in the world and I'm thinking about inviting the TV pickers do a segment on his orange and white shrine. Which used to be my room...go figure. I defected and went to Memphis State but did manage to snag a degree from UTCHS as it was known then.

It's been a very challenging *cough* year for me and a lot of other folks. I called Propane Guy and we chatted about the clusterfuck that speculators caused for small dealers and consumers like him and me during the Polar Vortex. Prices stabilized about April and it's a gamble just to know when the buyers and speculators (bigfish) will allow a contract through. He watches it daily because it's his livelihood. Butch used to coach football in Lake County prior to taking over his daddy's bid'ness. He has kept me warm for years and always understands the fuel challenged environment in which I live. It helps having the dining room open so that air can travel freely. They came back to finish up packing and read a boookk this morning. Shannah swept and there's a whole clean floor there which wasn't apparent eight months ago.

I'm all about making amends now that the universe has allowed me some time to rest. There are others besides PG who kept me going with their presence and wisdom. Rod is the who has counseled me through two divorces and multiple opportunities for self improvement. He has only just now billed me for the first time after carrying me for about six months pro-bono. Dude totally didn't have to do that, but it's what devoted therapists will actually practice. Do.Not.Abandon. While we were out paying bills Daddy came to the house on his gator and brought in the mail. Which was more bills, but hey. I've gotten several get well cards and BBQ dinners so I'm feeling blessed about that too. I expect to come out of this surgery owing way more money that I should considering I work in healthcare. Whatever happened to the professional discount? I'll tell you what ya''s all in-sourced to giant corporations who "manage things." Many of them are publicly traded. And it's not just healthcare. My husband worked for a local rubber plant that either sold or merged about 10 times while he was there and corporate was always in Ohio. WTF? Every time the company changed hands there were shirts and hats and all kinds of hoopla' to celebrate. Most of the industry in our area has been of that ilk...use the locals to produce until you can't use 'em anymore. One of the few times I ever looked at another job was when Baekart was here and they were attempting to hire chemists for about 13 bucks an hour. Good luck with that in the 'burg ya'll.

We are a poster community for small town southern politics and forbidden secrets that only the #kudzu can hide. Hat tip to #joshilynjackson I know all you the rest of USA people don't really understand the sweet tea and debutante ball thing but it is real in our memories just like integration and fine china with family silver on the side. In the south, football is everything. Who's the new coach? How much for that hot recruit! Season tickets!!!!! Team pride is big business all over the country and sadly it's not always about the academic side of things. It's what keeps Hibbett's in business. Our town square sits empty of much activity other than court and lawyers because investors have met fierce resistance by local church communities to opportunities for higher end events because of alcohol restrictions. There is a perfectly cute little beer garden all locked up next to Forked Deer Hardware and Stephen Fincher's office...which is usually empty.

As Rod would say "Here's the thing..." We are all in this together and if you don't save yourself, you are no good to anybody else. He snickered at me one time about not enabling people/places/things to control my life. Knows me like a self-help book, that one. BG is helping me sort through the paper and figure what's got to be paid and what can wait. I figure since the feds haven't come after me yet they'll wait until refund time to maximize that blow. I refuse to mail a 50 buck a month payment to a government that doesn't even know my name except through big money and corruption. U!S!A! you must listen to Poops. That may or may not be true but whatever, I'm on a roll.

Happy Monday afternoon from the lane. Looks like rain!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

early to bed and early to rise

so far that's been my motto and it seems to be working out. Even when I'm not recovering from surgery I'm a no nap kind of gal choosing instead to lay it down for the long haul. Works better for me that way, you know? I'm totally in love with having a rocker next to my bed because it's where I like to make my little "station" and be still for TV and whatnot. So far we're still getting the basic package...not sure how long that will last. Booger spend the night 'cuz his Mama was working and we woke up bright and early only to find that with 3 players, none of them would keep Scrat going. Not.Good. Shannah scooped him up for the teenagers to watch and the grands, driven by their greatest friend Tony, delivered breakfast from Daylight. I'd hate to miss a Sunday, ya know?

So, I haven't really been conscious long enough to be bored, but I feel it coming. The house is getting more spacious by the day as things get boxed and bagged and moved to the next place. We visited yesterday and found Boogs doing handstands INTO his playpen which has never been used around here. I'm digging through piles of clean clothes and deciding what to use as a dust rag and what to keep. Listening to music and piddling. In a way I'm glad that my arm is a handicap at this point. I'd be one mean ass woman on a mission with a mop if it weren't. I've rearranged the sling a few times and will probably have to visit the doc tomorrow for an "adjustment" because it's a mess. Plus there's a staph epidemic going on around here so that qualifies as a public health threat in this environment. You should have seen Shannah's eyes when I described MRSA to her. I didn't dare mention #ebolageddon. Sometimes, I know too much.

There are a select few pieces of vintage furniture here that are my treasures and are being plotted as my very own pieces with a do-over. Part of that is a maple settee and armchair that was my GREAT grandmother's which I redid for the first time as a new college graduate. I've missed Roseanne which is something I didn't realize until I got hooked into a Snark marathon this morning. Yes, I'm managing quite nicely, thankyouverymuch. Yesterday's mission was a trip to get Rhotos which is the most decadent kind of small pleasure I can afford. The dust is gettin' thick and the dogs are rolling in it. Ya'll know what that means.

Autumn clematis!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

ask and ye shall receive

Day 3 was painful but not in a killing way thanks to good old opioids. Like my friend said "to hell with Aleve." As I type there is a crew of three cute guys working on the landscape, one on a gravel spreader and two on mower and weedwhacker. The holes that have been dragging down all three vehicles are filled nicely PLUS the back door is new and shuts. Low maintenance, I'm telling you. Some friends brought a dinner of BBQ yesterday and caught me up on our shared world at the sawmill. Mom and Daddy came all the way up to my porch on the gator and even got out for a visit on the porch. She had on her rainbonnet so as not to mess up that expensive do' she got on Thursday. Gotta' save it for church!
Mama was hell bent on us having cheese so BG ran and fetched after they left. He just put it on the chair by the door and locked up.

Today is the first day of Shannah's new life which, of her own making, includes having all three kids in one spot called home for the first time ever. No words, ya'll. No words! Babygates are down and I'm able to travel straight from front door to back without crawling.'s good exercise. Yesterday's craving for domino's has carried over so that's looking like a lunch option. They deliver, which is what's up at the moment. BG is sick also with staph and her usual summer skin allergies. Yes, we are a pitiful lot but blessed beyond measure.

Next project? House of Cards, season 2. Bring it Kevin!

Friday, August 1, 2014

moving day

About 8 months ago we all made a giant leap of faith and combined our household with that of a hard working mama and her precious Boogerman. A lot of crap has happened between then and now and we have stories to last a lifetime. How about that day on the ice (right before he started to walk) when the Polar Vortex swept through and not only tore my shoulder to bits but broke Booger's ankle when they fell on the ice. He wailed for days until the pain subsided and then promptly began to try walking on the cast. By the time it came off, he was ready to run! Our two families have consolidated resources and helped each other through what has turned out to be a very difficult year for all involved, as Shannah would say. Her struggle to beat the odds stacked against her family has been fierce and loving. She has scrimped and saved and there has been (of course) lots of drama to accompany the giggles. She is one of the happiest individuals I've ever met, no matter what's going on. Booger has taken that personality on as he's grown to learn just how to make her smile.

We first met right abound the time when Tara dropped the window into the door of my Camry resulting in about a year with plastic flapping and exhaust roaring. The window is there but the roar continues as well as the one hubcap deal. I ought to just take it off so the tires match! She spent days and hours on end serving time in drug court and eventually bought a car (which totally saved us during the ice) and took on two jobs. I've watched the older kids take on responsibility and help her even when all they want is to be teenagers. This is a lesson that many kids don't learn until much later on in life. I admire her relationship with their dad in that they are working together to get 'em up and out into the world.

There have been times when all of us, including the five dogs, weren't sure that this day would come. We've practiced coming and going simply to ease the drama from transitioning into "the next chapter". Lots of toys will stay and extra clothes so that Gramma and TT's house is ready for anytime visits by one or all. You never know what life will pitch your way and I certainly hope a ball doesn't come at me right now because I'd smooth have to duck. Day 3 is supposed to be the worst and I can tell it will be pain wise. The bruising is now all the way down boob. Note to self: Arnica.

Resting the arm is in my best interest because it's the only money maker I can shake. Thanks for all the love support and well wishes. It makes life worth living. Keep the faith ^j^