Sunday, January 31, 2016

cry me a river

There is no worse feeling than to find yourself ready to bust out into heaving sobs and somewhere that it just doesn't fit into the schedule, like at work.  I'll cry now and then at the sawmill, but the one I feel coming on is past due and dying to get out so I reached out to Facebookland for encouragement and indeed, I got it. Now I can let it rip whenever Big Ernie sees fit.   I'm so tired at this point that crying seems like too much effort.  Perhaps I'll howl like the tribal people.  I've often wondered about the Native Americans who lived on this farm way back when, camping under cottonwoods and gazing at the same moon and stars that I still enjoy.

Y'all all know about my political leanings so imagine my surprise when  a shitload of commenters  jumped my ass for daring to express my opinion on the FB page of the TN Democratic party.  It was one of those hateful pieces attacking some GOP perv who was accused of harassment.   My statement was simple and I stand by it: "I don't think that sexual ethics affects a person's ability to govern."  My point is this :  Iowa is buzzing with folks looking to elect a new president.  The great state of Tennessee needs to focus on becoming a more progressive state and not a hotbed for corporate interests like healthcare and big ag.  To throw out something like that when so much is at stake is like the baby and the bathwater.  As a party, focus on getting OUR house in order and running a good race for something....anything!  I, for one, would love to see Stephen Fincher's storefront gone from Dyer county.  Note to self : district map.

Cari is on her way here, the surprise! daughter of Ruth and Harry.  I think Ms. Ruth was 45 plus when she was born and her brother is my age.  He sent me a phone pic of last day of duck season fried 'taters and onions just like Daddy used to make.  The closer we get to the Lenten season, the more I feel surrounded by grace and peace.  And for now, I'll take that with faith.


Saturday, January 30, 2016

the healing game

HT to Van Morrison for today's inspiration.  He has always has my heart an soul, if you know what  I mean.  I went back to work today and was pretty busy and got tired quickly.  The grief is still heavy and I haven't had the ugly cry since the morning I left Mom's bedside.  I suppose it was such a relief for the pain and suffering to be over that the peace of God's grace kept me going.  I was so confused I didn't even know when I was supposed to show up again at the sawmill.  Nothing much new and more of the same is what I gathered.  It was one week ago at about the time I woke up this morning that she passed on over to Daddy and I'll be damned if the moon wasn't there lighting my way to work.

The weather has moderated but it won't last because....January.  I've spent this month waking to the sound of duck hunters in paradise.  Thank the lerd it's almost over.  As usual the contractors are on different schedules so we're stuck at my room and front door.   Slowly but surely things are shifting and being cleaned (PLEASE don't tell anybody about the dining room!) and decontaminated.  I will have a clean house if it kills me!!  It's odd to not have the phone ringing all day and night with details of caregiving to be dealt with.  I will miss it, but not much.  I do, however, miss both of them and feel that we're even on the college education.  

Mom's friends are still calling and I have to call the Utah cousin and catch him up on things when I have an hour.  We took pictures of the Hamilton markers at the cemetery the other day.  He's 83 and lives alone and will talk as long as you'll listen.  Kind of like Harry.  I think back now at the folly of us thinking we could "fix" things by having Mom and her fellow MR resident room together at the rehab.  It was Christmas and Ms Nev's boyfriend was in town from Nashvegas.  Dude was camped out there 24/7 and even had a science experiment going on the bedside table.  Poor Mama!  

I crept back up to the room she died in this morning to hug my friends' mother.   Bill and Kathy have been hanging with me for several years after we were re-united from a childhood on St. John.  Nancy and Jim lived two doors down and it was all like Mayberry and stuff.  I took piano lessons in the living room of that place.  The elder Stallings lived down the street next to umm..?  A gentleman who grew up with mama sent me a letter with apologiest for not being able to attend the service.  I have heard her talk about him all my life and may have met him once or twice.  These folks are keeping her alive for me.

Comfort and joy ~                                                                                

Friday, January 29, 2016

having a day

This is really the first time I've had to get focused and do things like laundry and dishes because well, you know how it's been.  Got my taxes filed fo' free in spite of all the attempts made to charge me for premium.  I refuse to pay for import when I can still enter it manually.  That money is dedicated to the beach trip which Heather is busily planning.  Yay and yay!  Window guys are off again so it's quiet for a change.  Only people who have lived in the midst of a remodel will understand the value of that silence, right Gigi?

I can't really come up with any political rant at the moment because I'm out of the loop but I have heard that Bernie is kicking ass so that's good.  As for Trump skipping the debate?  Who the hell cares.  He's an idiot and the other candidates deserve to be heard without his smack talk.  There are so damn many of them that one dropping out won't make a big difference!

It feels good to be able to breathe and not worry about the other shoe dropping.  We discussed that again and my work friends even noticed at the FH that I looked 100 times more peaceful.  There are so many people in that hospital that were angels to me and my family that I'm afraid to talk about it but one particular nurse stands out and her name is Lisa T.  She is on night shift and was there with my brother and mother while she was struggling to pass.  Comfort measures were in place and drugs ordered as needed so when Mom started getting into distress with that drowning feeling, my brother went to her for help. Compassionate care.  It's what's up.

Though Mom was buried in the honeymoon suit, I still have her wedding dress, GS uniform and both of their coats from volunteer work at the pink and one red.  I'm using this time today to clean my room so there will at least be a safe haven for me and dogs.  Temps are climbing and it should be 70 by the weekend.  I'll take it.

Onward ~

Thursday, January 28, 2016

lateral move

Bubba and I met the movers early at the home and started sorting through drawers.  I'm forever late so he was shocked to find me already in gear.  I stopped in to visit with the others that I know and feel in my heart that I will be back there often.  We have hired this one company three times in five months when Mom moved, BG got a place and again today.  Casa Grands is now ready for the ladies to organize and stage and there is no hurry to get it  Thank you Harvey for that kindness.  Window guys had another job today but will be back at it tomorrow.  I can already tell a difference in the tightness of this old house. When I think about the many drafty previous years I shudder to think how many new cars I could have bought with the costs of heating and cooling.  When the unit was finally replaced, the installer found that the previous "service yehas" had the vent to the ducts almost closed.  

After that we did a little cemetery drive by and explore.  The mudhole was still there from where the grounds people did dirt work on the morning of the funeral.  Five inches of snowmelt from Friday contributed to a tricky situation on that hill.  We peeked through the doors of the big walk in vault and strained to make out names but there was one with Calcutt because I saw it after Bubba pointed it out to me.  It is miraculous how this whole journey from Daddy's death forward has been to get her settled "at home."  According to me, that was Maple Ridge because her room was lovingly decorated by our entire tribe.  That was right before my birthday I believe. Because of spending six weeks alone in that house, she was ready.

The rest of the fall and holiday season is a blur of here there and yonder but mostly there, as in hospital and nursing home.  The plan was to take her back to MR on the day we went to check out the pin progress and found that they were randomly hanging up in there.  We had Thanksgiving at Maple Ridge all spread out on the antique bed and Christmas breakfast in the empty nursing home dining area, she covered in a blanket and looking mighty frail.  I did the cooking and BG and Bubba rounded out our group.  By the time it was over, she was exhausted.

She never returned to that room and as we cleared it out this morning I felt sad watching things get loaded up for that last ride to Samaria Bend road.  I ran upstairs into the UT area which is now pretty messy, and found a memory for KK to hang under the sod.  With apologies to Nita, it is crossstiched in orange on white and dated October 1982 " I was there when they beat the bear"  Vols 35   Ala 28  I also picked up a garden stone made by KY cousin that had been given to them and of course there was stained glass.  Orange and white to be exact.  Gotta' stay on point y'all.

We finally got into the safe for the coin collection and I am in possession of one 1986 ten dolla' gold bullion which means um..I don't have a clue.  We have two wills now, neither of which I can find because hey...we tried.  Most of what mom had designated had been sold for her trip to England and their care last year.  There is still, as they say, a world of stuff down there.  Homeland security knows the comings and goings and will call the law in a heartbeat kids.  Same for the fire department!  I have one more day off and then back to the sawmill.  I'm grateful that I was allowed the time to grieve properly and tend to business.  It's not every day that family gathers in that fashion and it's hard to manage when people don't feel your pain.  Thank you sawmill peeps for that.  And to all the rest of the cyberworld and those in who have been there in person, send me your address and I'll mail you a Team Janice bracelet.  Or maybe a cookbook!!! ~

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

homeward bound

Like many boomers I was raised on The Waltons and my mother was an absolute fanatic.  There is an entire album of pictures taken when she and Daddy  traveled to stay with T and get the grand tour of  Schuyler, Hamner's stomping grounds.  During this week's opening of documents, a mysterious envelope appeared  that was addressed as important and confidential.  She and Bubba found it and he held onto it because he's good like that.  When Tommy opened it, there was a copy of this writer's letter to his children about going home.  He was 83 and beginning to suffer with Alzheimer disease and felt the need to share.  He goes through every single place he ever lived and how this or that location or era would not be his final choice as home.   There were fun and interesting times worldwide but he chose the place where his children were raised.  I thought that was a timely read.

The window guys turned their efforts toward the front door today so as not to awaken a sleeping BG.  Several folks stopped by during the morning like Yaya bearing yellow tulips and deviled eggs.  Then came T for our debriefing prior to his hittin' the road back to VA.  It's a loooooong ass drive and not easy by any means what with West Virginia on the route.  There will be funeral food for snacks!  He looks as weary as the rest of us and it's been a tough week all around.  My two married boyfriends whose wives know I'm just one of the guys called to check on me, most recently this morning with James R.  His father and I worked the healthcare industry together for years on end and I miss him still.  We discussed the future and what we want to be when we grow up and the conversation turned to a board.  Hey...I can do that because I took classes.

My bed got moved and fell into the vent (UCMTSU) overnight so I was pretty disoriented when I woke before dawn.  The moon was there though not in my view, but I saw it in the blue skies when I was out for a chicken store run.  Other than that I'm still stepping over shit stuff to load the washer.  Sam got into something very oily yesterday and is still shiny.  I don't have a clue what happened.

Manifest ~

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

off the grid

I met with church staff today about Mama's service and I know that we are all on the same page which is a blessing.  Sitting in that office with them talking about my Methodist heritage brought even more peace to me than yesterday.  While I was there Bubba called to say the NEW windows are being delivered and dude just showed up with round 2 through the side door above that little porch.  And doors too!!!  I can't believe it's really happening, ya know? Our neighbor and pallbearer Gerald and his wife Judy delivered a ten pound meat and cheese tray plus bread and mayo.  Carney's pimento cheese is at Mo's house and the church ladies will deliver around service time.

Fast forward to the next day and I find window guy hard at it with my room done when we returned from the funeral.  Things started early with us gathering as a family first and then joined by friends for a lovely visitation.  Mom looked stunning in her honeymoon suit and her hair all did and she was clutching the pics that the youngest grandkids made just for her.  Our family is tighter now, smaller but more solid with bonds being set that will carry us forward through our own golden years.  The service was pure Mama through the words and actions of so many.  She struggled with fear at the end, not sure if God is real.  A dear friend explained to her that by the love shown in her life toward others, there was the proof.  I like that concept because love is never conditional.

We committed her back to Big Ernie from whence she came.  There was a surprise! appearance by a pall bearer that we thought would be out of town and all of them shivered in the cold on that hill in spite of topcoats.  Nobody fell in the hole so there's that to be thankful for.  The flowers were gorgeous and some will be delivered to nursing home patients tomorrow as she would want.  The church fed us (again) at Mo's house and by the time we ate little Charlie was already home from a procedure in Jackson.  All phones were on vibrate just in case.  After the meal which is, ummm... funeral food to die for,  we made our way out but not before making a pact for a May gathering when T is back.  And yes, there will be deviled eggs.

My nature is to be very much like Mama in a lot of ways.  It's hard work to fight the anxiety that comes from not being in control and all the therapy and SRUIs in the world can't heal it if you don't have faith.  That is exactly what my mother gave me and I will carry it forward.


Sunday, January 24, 2016

fine china

 My brothers and I met at with KK this morning to make plans for mama's service on Tuesday.  There was the usual business and such but a kindred spirit among us from having had this same scenario recently.  After the guys left we played with pictures and oohed and aahhed over every little memory we found on FB.  Hanging above her desk is a piece of the original Neyland checker board sod that came from my parents place.  One of the insurance policies for government employees that a church member told me about at his service paid later on, just in time to be put into savings for Mom's.  The honeymoon dress is delivered and  flowers on the way. with pallbearers being contacted as we type.

Mo had lunch on the family china ready for us following a whirlwind morning of a Cadi out of anti-freeze and a trip to Kroger for that and cat food prior to the FH.  It's still cold as shit and ice is hanging on the lane, but at least there's no foot of snow like at T's house in VA.  I'm sure the kids are loving every minute of it!  When asked about his departure date by locals he said : "Around May..."  I feel very comforted by the presence of my entire family right now because we are a shrinking clan.  Daddy's only surviving sister remains with us as well and has been a really good friend to all.

I told BG I wanted fried chicken last night because *funeral and she and Lester turned up with a bunch from Popeyes.  No deviled eggs, but I got my chicken.  Leslie and Cash spent the night and played in the snow transferred over to the Cadi for the ride home only to find that there's a busted hose.  I ask you that not our luck?  It's about time to quit putting $$ into the free car.  Chapter next!

Peace ~

Saturday, January 23, 2016

morning has broken

When I left mama's room yesterday and headed home, I kissed her on the cheek and knew that I would not see her breathing again because the interventions were off limits.  It is a testament to her fighting spirit that she survived this long through all the various ailments that kick the elderly's collective asses.  We shuffle them around from one little box to another that involves corporate profit margins and they die miserably unless their caregivers are in it for something other than the almighty dollar.  Fortunately, that has been the case with me and mine.  During the past five months this little team of villagers called Janice and Billy have pulled together to make things happen.  That there was a lot of medicare money spent is beside the point because : Everybody deserves a chance.  Which brings me to palliative care as a practice *cough*.  There comes a point where treatment is futile and comfort is what's important.  Any practitioner worth their salt will tell you that if they're in it for the right reason.

T spent the night because mom seemed anxious and straight up asked him to not leave or let her hurt.  She was looking him in the eye when she passed and I was still asleep but headed that way after his call.  I've been watching the moon like I did with Daddy and it was low, full and golden early this morning.  The snow makes it especially pretty.  Lorna said that full moons are portals of transition so that makes sense.   Before we left and hospice pronounced plus FH picked up, I bent to kiss her and Millette removed her chain holding the angel from Noler and she and daddy's wedding rings.  It's a little something BG put together for her.  I am amazed at the family bonds that support me right now, and not just blood kin.  Dell explained to me that my parents were so much the love of God that this is their payback and I like that idea.  A life lived with devotion to a higher power and loyalty to the least of these is what Jesus would do.

Thankful today for my sweet mother's life ~

Friday, January 22, 2016

not just another snow day

All my teacher friends are celebrating a free day on a Friday which means three days off!  I took my chances on not sleeping at the hospital and made it just fine in spite of the frozen doors and blowing snow.  There was very little ice which is quite helpful.  It only took two pitchers of tap water to get the door open and I prayed the entire time I hauled that I wouldn't fall and tear the repaired shoulder.  I found out earlier in the week that my illegal parking place doesn't do well in winter weather.   The day after, I parked the Camry and returned a couple of hours later to find that it had slid downhill almost into a red Camaro.  Michelle confessed that she bumped my ratty ass car the same way which was nice of her to own up to but you can't hurt it anymore than it already is unless you total it.  I think it would bring me about 1500 that way.  

The one diagnostic that was being used to track mama's progress came in on the bad side today so I found myself signing hospice papers for the second time in five months.  Just remember that when someone takes the time and effort to designate a DPA, responsibility comes along with that notarized signature.  I was secondary to both parents and ended up with decision making tools that my job made possible.  Even at that, it has been painful.  It really makes me sad to know that some folks don't have a clue about their rights when it comes to healthcare.

She knew me and the rest of the fam this morning so we bonded a bit as we passed to and fro through the halls of *one* of my favorite patient care units.  T spent the night on the luxurious lounge chair nearby and BG took his place after working over at the home to make sure everybody got dressed and fed.  I checked in a couple of times and found both of them snoring.  That's what's up kids.  There is no way I could ever name every person who did something kind for me and mine but I try to do it in short stories along the way so I don't forget to write a WOW card.  It just now dawned on me that the guy I saw sitting in the waiting room as I left was none other than Pete the radiology tech that I once had a crush upon.  Leigh had just given me the biggest hug and made things a little less traumatic. I bet her drove her in for the visit.  Small world.

Faith ~

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

slip slidin' away

The winter storm event consisted of about a half inch of ice which was manageable because it started late night and I left early morning however there was a lot of holding onto things on trips back and forth to the car for pre-warm.  What I would give for a garage, man.  The wipers were still frozen down when I left for work and my maximum speed wasn't over about 20 the whole way.  I discovered later in the day that daddy's UT game umbrella is the perfect walking stick for navigating an icy parking lot.  Multiple times because, well.  You know.

T rolled in late right about the time the ice started falling so he was up there before I left enjoying Mom's much improved but still very confused state.  She knew he was coming but not when which is always a good plan or she'll worry and fret over the arrival time. Babe and I talked last night about their conversation and she gave me guidance on what kind of daughter she would like to have, neither of whom are what she has!  Note to females: Do not ever try to tell your mother what to do.  Especially when she's old(er).  Sweet little Janice and I have had some doozie fights over the past ten years concerning my attempts to control their life.  Alrighty that way.

When I left the sawmill after a meeting I came home to no water and had to haul buckets to flush the toilet.  The dirty clothes are piling up and it's still frozen as I watch the temp climb one degree at a time on my badass phone.  I wonder how high it will have to get to have things flowing again?  Right now we're at 33 so there's that to be thankful for, plus mama's having a good day.  She has been in eldercare purgatory for several years now on her way to glory.  Her fiery do anything spirit is weak but she's still a smartass.  I take that after her, by the way.  Daddy was a SA too.

My brother and I were chatting outside mom's room when a meeting let out and all the leadership types filed out of the conference room and back to their cubicles.  One lone O spotted us and I saw him out of the corner of my eye making a move but then he noticed I was in deep conversation.  This man is the leader of our front life staff and has listened to me more closely in six months than any of the rest of them ever did.  There are good things happening at the local level if the division will just focus on patient satisfaction and community investment rather than profit from diagnostics.  Jesus doesn't like it when you don't take care of the sick.  My other favorite O is the fearless one who always reminds me that she not only means business but she knows that finding solutions takes time and patience and commitment to the processes.  Oh, and money.  I came to know she and John and several others the training right up on that floor where my parents have spent their last days.  That was in June, right before the shit hit my personal fan.

There was a time in my somewhat arrogant view of life that I felt I had all the answers.  I am a crusader for causes that I believe in and don't back down easily from trolls or meanies...I just choose not to engage.  All that does is make the division larger between polar opposites.  I'm more of a Socialistic Democratic Conservative.  That would be SDC for short, y'all.  At this point in my life, I don't want anybody looking to me for answers.  I have a certain set of talents that God gave and use them in a variety of ways.  One of them is being a good listener.  Only then can you empathize with the pain of another.  Everybody needs to tell their stories.

Shit...the temp just dropped back to 30 ~

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

five things about today

 Mama is in a quandry with another wrinkle in the geriatric healthcare cycle that is her life.  This eighty something year old warrior has survived two hip surgeries a month apart, plus a spiral femur fracture, broken hand and various other bone breakings and a septic knee from too much cortisone.  Prior to the point when osteoarthritis and porosis conspired to rob her of mobility, she became blind from macular degeneration.  Thus, the bright yellow keyboard on which I blog.  She is in lala land with plenty of pain relief awaiting morning labs to tell the story of her progress.  Heh.  Gotta love it.

  I was so proud of us for not letting the water freeze for two days that Big Ernie smote me by allowing me of my OWN FREE WILL to shut off the running tap last night before I went to bed.  Needless to say I brushed my teeth at work and the tools are in my locker.  Which brings me to how I'll get there tomorrow.  Last time we have a mega!winter!event! Bossfriend's hub picked us all up because he's cool like that on occasion.  Tonight's plan includes a blanket over the driver's side windshield and door so that perhaps we can unthaw at 4AM.  After that, I'll just move into the sawmill with my little bag of stuff.  "It will be fun!" they said.

My Daddy has been around lately with the birds and moon, telling me that it's all in God's plan and that brings me comfort.  Babysister and I talk almost daily about her memories with the Reaves family.  There is little clan of them that has traveled from Memphis for years and once when they did brunch I took pictures and failed to follow up with copies to those involved.  My apologies all the way around.

My youngest brother T is halfway between VA and the 'burg proper and will probably get snowed in just like his familia up there on the farm.  There is a tractor, so there is hope even in three feet of snow.  Bubba and I met up at the end of the lane to debrief after a long day.  Sally the patient one was present, as usual, in the back of his truck.  She's the sweetest dog I've ever EVER known.

BG begins her new job tonight after a hiatus for diagnostic testing which revealed that she has no gallbladder problems whatsoever.  I suggested a nice liver cleanse because it helped me a lot.  Equal amounts of fresh squeezed lemon juice and EVOO.  Lay on your right side, correct Lorna?

Whatever ~

Monday, January 18, 2016

fear of death

I remember when I was much younger not being able to wrap my mind around either the concept of physical death and spiritual eternity or the infinity that is creation with no beginning or end.  I would retreat into a safe spot and block those thoughts until I was onto some other issue less fearful and what must have seemed much more important to a 30 something like cookies or birthday parties.   My poor tired little mother is afraid now, even after telling me over and over she wished she were dead.  I have no comfort for her because I know the feeling on both counts.  Sometimes reality sucks.  I think it is the waiting and worrying that makes death so stressful, not the act itself.  I have noticed that grief from sudden vs not-unexpected deaths is experienced afterwards while most of the time with a prolonged illness there is some time to accept and make peace with it.  Both ways are painful and both take months to years.

I did my first ever liver cleanse last night and woke up for the first time in 6 weeks not coughing.  I don't know what's up with that but I"LL TAKE IT!  Hopefully healthier skin and gut action will follow.  Lorna told me the basic recipe and I did mine without the epsom salts like I've seen online.  There was no milk thistle laying around so I guess I'll have to visit Donna for that.

It's cold again, so much that we have to leave the water running and the Camry is loud as hell.  Me and the dogs stay warm on the south side of the house at night.  Soooo...I didn't see the debate but I heard Hillary came out swinging and Bernie took it like a champ.  This woman is shooting herself in the foot if she thinks rich Dems will "trump" the Sanders platform.  An honest to goodness excuse she gave for not electing Bernie is that the Congress is GOP controlled and you can't do anything with them anyway.  Like they're gonna' play nice with her?????

Sunday, January 17, 2016

remember who you are

When BG and her friends used to head out in her Memaw's hand me down Camry, I would simply throw out that phrase as they exited.  I knew they would lose themselves out there amongst all the shiny things and adventures of being young.  They did, and on numerous occasions I got phone calls from various law enforcement people telling me about that particular incident.  Most all of it was a product of the DARE program which  was paraded around by law enforcement like a show dog.  Here's a heads up kids:  It didn't work.  Drug use is higher than it has ever been and has expanded from the relatively harmless and very therapeutic cannabis trade to street level dealing of pharm including the notorious  home made meth.

The night they got busted in Shay's apartment while she was out of town was a totally illegal maneuver by an off duty officer who was stalking her.  I wrote the chief about it after consulting with personal legal counsel...and you know who you are.  She still got community service and all that but the cop got fired.  Hey, if you're going to do a job, do it right.  At the Weed and Seed in Southtown is where we met Mr. Littles the traffic guy.  I'm thinking he kind of has issues too!

Mom is still not comfy, or might be now because she got a double dose during PT.  Her belly is full of gas which is a by-product of every thing she's had going on because she hasn't eaten.  She does however drink the hell out of some dr pepper and cherry limeade.  I sat with her chair to chair and told her I loved her and was sorry for her pain.  She kind of lets it out on me I suppose because it feels safe.  What an honor.

Peace ~

Saturday, January 16, 2016

a tough week

February 14th is my parents' anniversary and yes indeed, they planned it specifically for V Day while he was home on leave.  This makes number 62 which I remember because I was born a year and a half later.  Since Daddy's death I have watched my dear mother pretty much give up on life because it hurts to be lonely and blind and not able to get around AND missing the love of your life.  Twice this week my co-worker told me that she's calling for him early morning.  I want to let go so badly but she's doing well medically and it's day 3 after major surgery so there you go.  She is in both physical and emotional pain except when doctored up with pain meds and that's's what they're for.   Seeing her in this much distress reminds me that it's not all about how my life is going when hers is on the line.  That I can walk away and know my friends are doing their best is a blessing beyond words.  Mo just sent a message that she's sleeping so that's a good thing.

It's at this point that one realizes that you can't lose yourself with things change.  I treasure my alone time now and so does BG because we're just pretty much tired of dealing with people and their drama.   The cold I've been carrying for six weeks needed a hit of albuterol and when I got to the pharmacy there was a $175 co-pay because January!   If I have an asthma attack and die it's Blue Cross/ Blue Shield's fault.  Somebody write that down!    I stopped by the sawmill today on my way out and scored some sweets from last night's chili supper at Bogota Baptist.  We chatted about our friend Tim and his daddy's service today.  When I look at what we have been through collectively as a team, I can't believe we're still kicking.   Dear Timmy T...I forgive you for not dumping your paper trash.  Mama said some guy kept checking on her last night and talking about me and I said it was probably  a new nurse or something?  Turns out it was good old Slim Tim.  I know every blessed one of them except for a handful of newbies.  Of course EVS, food service and other functions have been outsourced and that's kind of complicated. She hates their food and I totally get it.

Maybe some chicken salad would help, you think ?  Fruit tea perhaps.

Thursday, January 14, 2016

the brotherhood

Mom is still wondering which truck hit her yesterday because her 99 pound self had a four hour hip replacement surgery involving, of all things, cable.  She's been talking to Daddy and visiting restaurants like people do who have lost track of time.   Last time she was at the dentist's office. This lady gets around.  Nurses du jour were Laura the magnificent and smiley Pam and Toni plus Nicki and a whole bunch of others. was a long day.  Laura told me they are taking good care of her and I trust that because I see it every day in my work.  Healthcare is not a deparmentalized type of deal when it comes to working with sick people.  Cross-train's what's Jesus or Buddha would do.

My brothers and I will go days without talking and then when crisis time hits we're all in touch which has been a lot lately.  T lives 14 hours away and has two small children and a home based business.  Bubba has three jobs and works himself to death.  As the eldest, only daughter and healthcare practitioner?    #burnout
We were raised by an honest to god farmer and his socialite wife on a piece of paradise that came to us by chance before my grandfather died.  He was a real estate manager and had this farm when Mom and Daddy moved back here from Martin hauling a one year old that cried all the time.  AND did artwork with poop on the cedar walls.  I have these memories because they have been passed on to me by my elders.  The office was in what is now White and Associates in downtown 'burg  by the FUMC.  That was after the new hospital was built in '58 on Parkview Street.  As a child I spent time after church or school or holidays in the front where all that money got changed into misery.  Lots of people had a good old time on Papaw's dime.   This old guy named Herman ran the manual elevator and sat on the stool in that ancient cage.  I think he liked it when the kids came around.

Daddy's USDA office was in the basement for years until the federal building was put up.  It's now mostly empty except for the USPS side that bustles and throbs according to the season.  These people seriously need to be our bankers because the government can at least make something work.  I have several friends who work for the postal service and lord knows we could all use a card. That was his day job, with the ag department and it mostly involved moving pins around on a paper map after driving 80 miles to set and pick up traps. If I'm lying I'm dying!  

His rest of the time job was overseeing the crop production and cattle.  One of my most vivid memories is of him mudding through the field across from my house banging on his truck at the ones who were roaming. Never mind that the fencing wasn't worth a damn.  After he retired from the day job he spent his days hammering and post hole digging and otherwise being a good steward of the owner's money because that's how he was raised.  Not to expect much back from life.  I suppose none of us should because you never know when it's gonna' be over.  I reckon it's like "they" say: Enjoy the ride ~

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

forward motion

 So, my mother the fierce warrior went in for a risky orthopedic repair yesterday and not only survived but will be pain free from screws and bad knees and such.  When a team of professionals works together to serve a patient well and do no harm, miracles can happen.  Things were kinda' quiet when I got there before daylight so I was privileged to work with others outside of my department and help care for my momma during her transition to surgery. Again.  Unfortunately 82 year old ladies have chalky bones and screws don't work too well when traversing the money making business of rehab.  But, you know.  Shit happens.

Mom left 2N around 9AM and will be spending the night in ICU where the care is what you call top notch and high maint.  My brother and cousin sister and I spent a lot of quality moments today in that room on the surgical floor where our matriarch had spent the night.  This woman of steel had three screws dug into her hip and only took one hit of morphine in 24 hours.  Tell me I didn't learn co-dependency the real way!  I would have given up about a year ago.  Perhaps she did.

I'm not real sure what the whole Navy gone rogue thing is about but stop it now.  Do not piss off the Iranians or give them access to our intelligence.  Donald Trump you are a fucking idiot with too much money.  Niki get 'em girl.  And as always #feelthebern and support InsureTN.  And call your mother for gawd's sake.  I was taking a break out back today and spent some time with my dear friend Jane who told me an amazing story.  Back in the day her co-worker's husband died and there was no $$ for funeral expenses so she and her hubs pitched in 500 bucks.  Jane's brother AND dad recently died so there was a lot of money involved in that deal.  Kathy showed up with a card and a whole bunch of cash for the family.  I love it when that happens.

My friend's mother died today and my heart aches for she and her sister. The roads that we travel with family are sacred and true yet that doesn't always mean exclusive to blood line.  A family can be any group of folks who want peace and harmony.  Yep..that's my hippie self speaking.

Peace ~

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

the fallen angel

Up where Tiffany had her fatal wreck there are still flowers and a ceramic angel that appeared after her funeral.  Evidently the heavy snow last weekend knocked her over face first into the mud.  The first time I saw it something told me that needed to be fixed and so I pulled over and stood that girl up again to watch over things on the corner.  Angels among us, indeed.  I found them everywhere today as I transported Mama from the rehab to doctor's office in a wheelchair and private car ( ratty ass Camry ) to get her cleared to return to Maple Ridge.  Umm.  Not just no but hell no!  The pins from the December surgery are out and that's why she's in excruciating pain so here we go back to surgery tomorrow.  Lerd, UCMTSU.  I don't have a clue what's going on in the outside world because mine has sort of become up-close and personal and really?  It's a comfort to not have to worry about all the drama of war and politics and crackheads.  Yes, I realize people are starving but I can't fix it except by sharing what I have with another traveler.

Other than that?  I've got nothing.


Monday, January 11, 2016

monday miracles

Lerd I was tired headed into this week.  Today's game plan was sawmill for the 4th day then a work meeting followed by a day off of parental medical transport much of which was not scheduled for my convenience.  We've been expecting a survey for some time and guess who showed up this morning bright and early!  Hey girl :)  Love ya.  Mean it.  During 39 years of medical laboratory practice I've spent many a night and day cleaning and writing procedures to be ready for the next round.  That was back when they were scheduled.  The new model is a surprise visit within a window of time during which you damn well better be prepared.  Or unless somebody complains to an agency and there's a reason to investigate.  Ours was just the routine and it was a welcome relief to not be expected to be all present and stuff on my day off.  Delegate y'all.

The doc's appointment was supposed to be at 2 tomorrow which ties up the whole day and puts transfer back to Maple Ridge on Wednesday, a long one for me at the cancer center.  Soooo...when I saw Dr. O in the cafeteria and asked him for first appointment of the day so we can get this lady situated, he was awesomely gracious and gave his office staff a heads up.  Sometimes, it's good to be where you are with your homies.  Like good old Dr. A who just tag teamed with me to get Mama out of the rehab and back to her cute little room.  To hell with a bunch of rehab...this woman needs her chair.

Add to that, the temperature got above freezing today so I was able to go coatless after work and beyond and the heat is throttled back.  So, David Bowie died and that's sad.  I never really got into his music except for a couple of works but he is an icon just as much as Elvis whose b'day was last week.  And he's STILL dead.  Today's uplifting political discussion was about how the Muslim woman who did a silent protest at Trump's fundraiser and how her motives were to insinuate that Trump and his ilk want to kill her because she's ISIS and portrays being persecuted like a Jew.  Bullshit.  The most bone chilling piece that I've read recently was about a group of Morman brothers in Oregon who became fanatical and whatnot and burned through their family chiropractic fortunes before going to prison for the murder of their sister-in-law.  Said God "told them" clearly to kill she and her child.  When religion becomes that literal it's sick and twisted, especially when multiple wives are involved.  I don't care what you do...just leave others alone.  Do.Not.Kill.

So then we got to talking about how gay rights and civil unions are not terribly critical issues at this point in time for conservatives to be dwelling on what with that fat little fuck over in NOK setting off tsunamis.  This guy makes Hitler look like a kindergarten teacher.  Plus there's all that other tension  on the other side of the world including, but not limited to, Syria and Iran. Yemen. Somalia. I'm not worried.  The fall of civilization has happened many times before and good will prevail.

Faith ~

Sunday, January 10, 2016

icy flashback

Remember back when I had a few bucks and was gonna' buy some door handles for the Camry when it was umm..still warm?  Yeah, well.  That never happened and after retiring early last night I found that the pretty! heavy! snow! had iced my doors shut.  Since I'm not totally unprepared anymore, there was de-icer and my brute strength to push them open.  When I got up it looked harmless but it was colder than shit and of course I'm stumbling around in the dark with no scraper and a 20 pound purse.  I was wearing the seriously cute coat that BG got from Old Navy.  Lots of compliments on that item.

I ran by to see Mama mid-day and she was resting alone.  Her aid came by to report that she didn't last long in either kind of chair because of the pain.  What she needs is her butt in that recliner over at Maple Ridge. We've been around the block a time or two and understand the ins and outs of elder care.  My other work boyfriend is transitioning to hospice with his family and their dad, more than likely in the same room designed for that purpose where my father was.  Oh that it should always be that way, you know?  Peace for the family and the terminally ill.

The snow is pretty, and it is the first of probably many this winter.  The way the seasons are shifting, I wouldn't be surprised to see snow on Easter this year.  It's beautiful on the rolling brown and green hills around me and a lovely backdrop for winter birds of color.  I envision it on Daddy's grave where new grass will grow soon.  Life  with faith is an endless cycle, as much as we try to screw it up sometimes by promoting self-will because it feels normal.  Like..duh.  It's called control.

Baby steps ~

Saturday, January 9, 2016

occupational hazard

One day this week when I was feeling real bad about things in general I reached out to one of the oldest friends I have.  In spite of a busy schedule and lots of drama of her own, she took the time to listen to me cry and remind me that sometimes things just have to be looked at like "well at least....".  She offered some advice on planning ahead knowing that I was already there and that's why I was calling.  We have both made careers of serving families in crisis and I'm sure that she has also had some burnout over the years.  We do what we do how we do it because that's who we are as professionals.  

It's monsoon season again, this time in front of a ginormous cold front.  My household duties have been quite neglected so that I found myself with an uncovered water tank over the well and a hose stuck on like glue with a deep freeze on the way.  I tried but, nah.  The nice neighbor came and got it off today and I shudder to think how he felt walking through my trash pile of a yard.  Everything that gets pitched lands right where it is and the cleanup will commence after home improvement.  I'm excited kids, like REALLY excited.  I've spent many a dreary day up in this house with a single light bulb burning.

Me and the BG ended up at the home right about the same time to kiss Mama and tuck her in for a rainy day nap.  I got about a quarter mile up the road and she called to say her battery was dead so there was a pit stop for gas and back down to "the manor."  Shady Dolla' Gentral is on the way home so I stopped by for garbage bags and bleach only to find that their card readers were down so cash only bitch.  That was right about the time I said fuck it and headed home.

Know when to fold  'em ~

Friday, January 8, 2016

moving on

Letting go of the past is something that can be so very hard especially when change hasn't been a routine part of life, like in my case.  Same home and same job for decades.  Different friends at times but never an opportunity to spread my wings and be who I'm meant to be like, for realz.  I was just about to get there when this past year came around bringing change after change after everlasting change.  I normally go with the flow pretty easily until it becomes drama of epic proportions and this pretty much qualifies.  To say that I've let go a thousand times lately is an understatement, and there are plenty more times left I feel sure.

I am over a lot of things that used to be an addictive type hook to me like trolls and pity parties.  Unless the gauge is wrong on that propane tank, I'm good for the coming freeze with 60% paid for.  No begging propane guy on the night of the first winter event this year.  Where you see little things, I realize baby steps toward not being a victim .  I got a real nasty phone call yesterday from a collection agency for Northstar Anesthesia which was billed for my RC surgery in 2014.  The total bill was for 2400 bucks, 1200 each for the anesthesiologist and the CRNA who worked the case (somewhat) together.  I didn't wake up and it got fixed but something is really wrong about that type of billing practice which leaves an insured patient with a huge co-pay.  The surgeon's went into BK and I didn't know about this one or it would have too.  Worker's comp denied my claim for benefits because I was honest and told them I fell twice more after the initial tear before seeking treatment. Live and learn and learn.

I have some friends who are out there doing what I'd love to be making a living at so I'm considering a group hug with them on honing my talents and pulling out the post it notes for some brain storming.  Once the house is manageable this will happen in a clean environment.  Hide and watch.

Happy Friday to all y'all and your mama'n'them.  In case you should need healthcare service this weekend, I'll be at the sawmill.  Please stay out of the ER with your drug seeking behavior, umkay?  Everybody has your number, including the police.

Release ~

Thursday, January 7, 2016

forces of evil

I have a lot of dear friends who are trying to stay afloat in the midst of  lotso' drama and meanness.  I just got caught up with one on the phone about where we are with our respective issues right now because it's hard to find a time to just sit and hear the details.  She and her family have been betrayed by a lot of people they thought were friends in a huge scheme involving land rights and money.  While they have ultimately pulled together closer as a family, it has been hurtful on many levels.   Betrayal by a friend is even worse than random acts by enemies in my experience.  I am humbled by her belief in goodness and ability to look forward which is exactly what I'm learning.

Mom was asleep ( again ) when I went by this morning but she woke up long enough for us to visit a little.  She had a rough night and said the pain is pretty bad from the broken hip.  It's hard to find a comfy position when dealing with that kind of break.  She hadn't touched the breakfast which actually looked pretty good, choosing mini-muffins and juice instead.  We shared a Dr. Pepper and held each other for strength.  The sadness has taken over and she's about to give up.  We had a long chat yesterday about me getting out of the house more and going to the movie with friends or just anything to escape reality.

I failed my friends by not showing up for a funeral service, but I think they know my love and that I have been touched by their loss.  We show our respects in personal ways that aren't always on the register proper.  Looks like BG has a functional gallbladder that still hurts so I'm not sure what's up with all that.  The good doctor will figure it all out.

Don't stop believing ~

Wednesday, January 6, 2016


On the way to work this morning I spotted some flowers in a jar perched right at the spot where Tiffany died and the tire tracks are still visible on the edge of a shallow ditch.  I passed it that spot three more times afterwards, and paused to reflect each time on how things can change in the blink of an eye.  One minute your priority is what's for lunch and the next it's what to wear to the next funeral.  There was a big hoorah going on up at the sawmill when I left to see Mama at the home.  She was sacked out and sawing logs, just like when I went by with clean clothes at 6AM.  I think I just heard the hoorah fly toward Jackson as Air Evac roared over my house.  Pecan Lane is a very happening edge of municipal Dyersburg type of home resting comfortably next to green number umm?.

The garbage piles are shrinking because I'm sick of looking at ugly shit and so it shall be.  More and more piles are being made and sweeping is going on but not too much because GOOD lord the dust.  I could use some hepa filters right about this point.  Estate sale ladies are on it down at the Red Casa and I'll be moving some of mine there as well for the big sale of odd little treasures.  Trust will be fun!

I'm proud of our POTUS for taking a reasonable stand on gun regulation though he could have done it a bit sooner *cough* than when the Bundy bunch takes over Oregon.  I figure those guys are pretty cold out there in the dark about now unless they've built a fire out of the rugged woods to stay warm.  I'm gonna' pack a little bag of snacks and stuff...maybe a blanket or two.  And yes, I'm still feeling the Bern.

So it is in honoring lives the way we do through rituals like memorial services.  When Noler died it was sudden and we were all just kind of hijacked by the situation.  That is where KK stepped in like the loving professional that she is and took total care of my family for about three months.  To me the reality of making arrangements is not a matter of "if" but "when."  Ahead of time is preferable than guessing.

We all have memories of friends and relatives and out-laws that make up the tapestry of life.  My once upon a time book was about stained glass and how those pieces fit together like little life bits to make a mosaic.  The comfort that I find in friends giving me a heads up when they know it's dark is something I can't describe and won't even try to.

Not my job ~

Tuesday, January 5, 2016


It's been a hard candy Christmas around here from the get go so I'm not at all sad to say goodbye to the season proper.  Yesterday was probably the biggest struggle of my life just to keep one foot in front of another through waves of drama and fatigue.  It got better when I slept but hit again about 8AM today so all I knew was to pray and ask for good vibes.  And you know what ?  When I reach the point where I'm willing to ask, it's a blessing to just let the love flow.

Mid-day Monday I noticed an odd number on my phone with few contacts, but missed it at work.  Later in the day I answered and it was my friend Mamye letting me know that Renee's daughter had been killed in a car accident that morning.  Twenty seven years old.  DOA.  And it happened on the route that I take to work every stinking day.  That's also where BG did her little number and Mama totaled a Camry on the way to Easter service.  Surprise! was the sermon topic while she cried in ER.

She called last night worried because I took the dirty clothes and she didn't have a suitable undergarment but I'm pretty sure there's a clean one somewhere in the stack I left.  Anyway, the world is still turning so I reckon she found it.  I was passing time in the parking lot and making conversation with my nurse friend when she asked about how Mama is doing.  I gave her the short version and she began to tell me about burying both her brother and father about two weeks ago.   Her brother died of cancer from working at a rubber plant all his life, and once he passed the Daddy just took a hit to his already weak heart.  Now they've got her pitiful little mother to care for and we work for SATAN!  Heh.  Just kidding admin types.  We cried over our daddies and how we miss them and about how sad our moms are without them for the first time in 60 years.

I witnessed a transformation in my daughter over the past few months that is at times stressful but always interesting.  Our shared grief over the loss of our fathers is something that we have struggled with mightily.  In the end, it's all about missing that snug feeling of being somebody's special girl.

Manifest ~

Monday, January 4, 2016

knowing folks

Even though we're all one big happy corporate medical family, it never hurts to be friends with providers who are in the loop and know you and your mama 'n them.   The one who comes to mind today is one that I met close to 30 years ago in Sunday school.  He was a Lutheran trying to learn the loving ways of Methodism  I can honestly say that I have never seen him treat a patient like anything other than his own family, and he's pissed off a whole lot of corporate types in the process.  He is the draw card for our surgery department as employee's choice.  BG's insurance finally kicked in so she showed up for diagnosis and treatment quite late and got scheduled for the rest of the journey.  The wheels, they turn slowly.  Hida scans can take four hours and it was already 2 when I clocked out and walked past her and that damn short phone charger sitting on the waiting room floor getting back in touch. She's dealing with a whole bunch of external friend type drama that is very painful like when you realize a person you thought loved you is just a user.  Plus there's always the raving maniac Shanana fit.  Lauren actually pulled out her SW diagnosis book to try and name it! Relatives were called and peace was restored without police intervention or serious injury.  I got the biggest tear filled hug just for being me this morning.

Mom is alone for a few hours bug not long.  A new roommate has met her 3 midnight stay and is headed for transitional care, as they say in the business.  Rehab and whatnot.  It's so hot in that room by the window that I can't breathe so I just scooped up dirties and dropped off the clean ones.  She had done therapy twice and was napping peacefully but heard me tiptoe in.  Pure bliss, y'all.  She is almost always on O2 now to keep that little heart from getting too stressed.

Last night and this morning were one continual drudge of trying to rest with body aches and drama and then trying to get through work.  Mama is worried about my health, and frankly so am I.  It's time for some overhauling in all areas including physical activity.  My joints hurt, and that ain't good.  Other than that it's just unicorns and rainbows and Bernie around here.

Carry on ~

Sunday, January 3, 2016

pity party

I'm just having a day if you get my of those where you  want to go out and eat a worm.  The continual crud that resides in my sinuses and chest are due to be checked out and treated.  Like everybody says "it's the weather."  Yeah, and the flu hasn't even hit yet!  That will come later with the ice storm.   Mom got moved into a room with a very nice lady who doesn't have a constantly present boyfriend so she was resting comfortably when I visited, listening to the Second Presbyterian service on TV with her eyes closed.  She roused for a minute and we all got introduced but I can't take the forced heat in that little room so I had to scurry on home.  Mrs. G is going to the place where Mom lives tomorrow so she'll have a new friend when she gets back.  I ran into Doris in the hall and she caught me up on her world at the other wing.  

When I was a kid I watched as NASA unfolded into a series of adventures which were pretty high tech for the times.  My parents were friends with the family of astronaut Don Peterson and Mom even got to attend a liftoff at Cape Canaveral when he was still airborne.  I vividly remember a crew burning to death during a simulation.  After the big one where all those people including the teacher died, things kind of got scaled back and we poured our money into the war machine.  I'm not real sure where that thread came from and, so be it.  I can ramble on my own blog, just saying.  
My brain isn't functioning real well these days due to layers of grief and sadness that require me to put on big girl panties and "chin up" as BG said.  I guess a lot of folks would say that our co-dependency has been a bad thing, but in the end I think we are learning the meaning of truth, justice and accountability.  When you are battered by life, there's nothing like somebody who's been there to validate the feelings.  

Trying to keep it real ~

Saturday, January 2, 2016

in touch

I have one desktop PC, a laptop a tablet and a smart phone and still find myself drawn back the ten year old Dell because of the large screen and easy to see keyboard.  The others are okay on the fly but this keyboard is where I can see what I'm writing well enough to proofread.  Even then, it's hit and miss.  Everything is moved away from walls and windows for the remodel but I'm determined to keep command central accessible.  I've plugged and unplugged cables for many years just to stay online.  The WIFI I get isn't very fast but it works for what we do here except for that box TV thing which doesn't stream too well.  Of course there hasn't been TV in forever so that and movies is about the only viewing pleasure we have.  I was desperate enough the other night to watch Bridesmaids for the 25th time!.  

I went to the home to see Mama this morning with a bag of clean clothes and found roommate and boyfriend at it bright and early.  This guy actually tried to tell the nurse when she needs her nighttime pill because he's there until 8 and she doesn't seem sleepy.  Lerd.  Mom is looking stronger and coughing up the "almost" pneumonia she had while in the hospital so I figure they'll hit her hard with therapy next week.  She has 30 days covered but is antsy to get back to her own little room.  I brought cherry limeade and Bubba had sausage rolls so breakfast was covered.  Boyfriend took his lady for a stroll up and down the halls and kept peeking in to see if we were gone.  I feel you Mom..I'm over it too.  

The duck hunters were busy again this morning boom boom booming at daylight but I was up so no big deal.  It looks like we dodged the bullet on the flood unless some levees break upstream.  Lorna was telling me the story yesterday about the intentional breaching process involving explosives in the pipes that run through a levee for just that purpose.  When she left the orchard for the Keys in 2011 they were in full force and her stuff got put up high in the house which is the highest elevation in Lake county.  Can you say lowlands????

It's only been two weeks since the latest event but it seems like eternity because the holidays were all up in there and that's a dicey time for healthcare facilities.  People are off and budgets are strict.  My new garbage can is full and parked at the edge of the driveway for pickup.  After a month or two maybe I'll be caught up enough to just pitch a bag in when I pass by.  Sadly, that is not the case at the moment.  I still have a pickup truck LOAD in the back that needs to be moved and here I sit with the epizootie too weak to tackle it. 

One day at a time ~ 

Friday, January 1, 2016

baby new year

One of my fondest memories of New Year's day is when we all piled up at Gaga's place to eat and I got artsy and dressed my little brother up like that baby.  He was probably 2 or 3 at the time...too little to fight back.  Millette had a dixie cup on her head as some sort of crown I believe.  That was the work of my KY cousin and me when bored with the adults.  There was usually never a dull moment around Gaga because she liked to party and play and enjoy the finer things.  Girl couldn't cook to save her life except for goulash and oatmeal krispy cookies.  She was raised in a family that had "help" like so many others in 1930s America.  While the rest of the country was getting out there with equality, we Southerners clung to old traditions that kept an entire race in servitude.  That doesn't make me the least bit proud or nostalgic.  

This farm is surrounded by the Forked Deer river and ownership is split about three ways down the road to where it dead ends at the river proper behind Danny's house and past the Carter family cemetery.   In sixty years we've seen a lot of water come and go and until the Corp did work during the 60s it was a common thing to "move to town" so we could get to school and work.  And I've done it several more times in the past 20 years!  The time that stands out in my  mind is a week in May when KK was gone somewhere ( probably the beach ) and BG and I stayed at her place dubbed by one of the kids as "the garden of eden."  For days on end we got  hammered with tornadoes and heavy rain.  I left home when the electricity went out and there was no help in sight for it and stayed at another friend's house the first couple of days.  The electricity finally came back on and I was headed that way to clean up the mess when the freaking ROAD collapsed in front of the dairy barn.  Back to town we went.  Tommy and Yvette were running a business from the to die for house and we got in and out through the field in their Jeep and Daddy's truck.  Of course the phone was out too and I didn't have a device at the time.  Thanks to the wonders of modern technology I can now know the water is coming days ahead of time and prepare.  The neighbor asked me to give her a head's up when it's time to be worried because they're all new to it.  As long as it's not on Samaria Bend, we're in good shape.  Mozella can pretty much fish from her back yard right now, though.  

The dogs went nuts over something this morning that turned out to be four little white tails prancing through the field right next to where the hunters stay.  Gotta' love it.  They've been blowing the ducks up this week, by the way.  I thought about my Daddy again and about all the deer sightings recently and I knew in my heart it was a promise.  

Serenity ~