Wednesday, September 30, 2015

call me the breeze

It's cooler now that the front has passed with little or no rain.  I suppose that Cat 1 in the Bahamas will change all that for the east coast.  I remember stories about how a hurricane went as far inland as the Blue Ridge back in the day.  That could have been due to global warming too, by the way.  Mostly it's about weather patterns that do what they do in response to the changing climate and cycles of the universe like tides.  Lorna is in the keys where they were getting torrential rain AND high tides last night.  She has been a part of this summer too as we have shared the loss of parents and not even laid eyes on each other since she had a heart attack stumbled and fell on my bedroom floor in March.  That was the longest damn winter ever and there was a foot of snow on the ground when I took her back to the orchard.  We wandered around and oohed and aahhed over all her piles because every girl of good taste has a collection of something.  Mine was boxes, oddly enough.  I've always tried to get out of it which is kind of ironic.

Animal totem messaging has become brutal with me barely missing an armadillo and smooth on hitting a raccoon all in one day.  I pay a lot more attention to this sort of thing now.  Our friend Tony goes around town picking up road kill for the foxes at his house.  I wonder if they like armadillo?  And since when do we have those in Tennessee????

Mama and I visited yesterday over cherry lime-ade and ice cream with Ms Jerlene and June.  She seems to be adapting well considering she's almost blind and can't walk or use her right hand.  She laughs more, cries less which is something I am doing as well.  The sucker punch summer of 2015 will not keep a good woman down.  We are in transition again with BG's move but thankfully there's no rush on any of it.  My friend Jennifer, on the other hand, just returned from a family visit to Hawaii and has to be out by Sunday. Bless.Her.Heart.

I first met Deb through Yaya and we became fast friends because of her infectious sense of humor and generosity.  When I turned 50 she hosted a birthday party for me at their house and we drank beer on the pontoon at Lakewood with her at the helm.  Toby hauled us back in when it got dark.  This lady whom I had only recently met bought me a power drill that I still have.  She died yesterday during a procedure for vascular disease, something that had followed her for many years.  Since then, her daughter has married another family friend and there you go.  Back to the funeral home.

I got attacked by the worst dead baby parts troll in history yesterday on FB which seriously makes me appreciate the block button.  Shame on me for arguing back.  The videos were heavily altered  and their boss only took them to task for discussing things in public places because "hippa".  End of story.  Once again, this organization does a lot of good in the healthcare arena.  Let's just all agree that they pay for deliveries and assure them homes with hometown America before de-funding basic services.  No more baby parts, umkay?

Oh, and while we're at it let's cut SNAP and EBT to the gentral and wallyworld and make food choices more healthy and affordable.  Simple is the daily word there, choosing less processed  food.  That includes the 2 liter of diet soda I drink so I may have to switch to coffee.   The pile of straw out back is still packed with basil, oregano and rosemary.  I'll buy a few more and let them sit during the winter for next year's crop.
Speaking of which, there will be no pecans so don't bring your raggedy ass out my way looking to poach. The squirrels have been been busy and I will shoot your ass if the dogs don't kill you first.

Peace and love ^j^

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

in the rearview

I finally found Daddy's grave today with a perfect brown square topped by a grinning Billy G.  Lauren picked that picture out along with our dear one the FD who was close to him as well.  Little did we know when Aunt Granny passed what the summer would hold for us as a family.  Two weeks later, Pnoler died.  Mama broke her pelvis and Daddy got sick soon after.  The monument folks are on vacay and Bubba has the bronze plaque from the VA.  That, at least, was prompt.  The rest of it has turned into a nightmare of paperwork where if the form numbers don't match ( and you can't really know that until you have help ) you are screwed and it will be rejected multiple times delaying payment to survivors like MY MOTHER the widow lady.  She has weathered the losses with the best of us, only once or twice calling me the "devil" child and I probably was at the moment.  As a family we were stretched so very thin with their care that it took all 3 of us around the 'hood to make it happen for them.  We are definitely a home care team, including Ms. Faye and Lori and all the various nursing agencies and physicians.

T is in weather heaven with roaring floods up around his house and, in fact, the entire state of Virginia.  I read a piece today about *gasp* politics and was amused to find that the GOP is polling "ahem" badly but then so is Hillary.  If Biden would just give it up and let somebody fire that party up, we'd be just fine.  If my candidates do not appear on the ballot, I will write them in.  I never thought about having to declare a party in order  to vote as a hindrance but um....Bernie.   He is radical and basic in the way that our country needs to be reminded of at this point.  The capitalists hate him and the ones who are thin skinned enough to fight back when they get called out on #greed are just pitiful.  If you guys think for one minute that your American dream will survive when the zombies come, you will be quite shocked at that outcome.  Just saying. Americans have fought and died for our right to select our government officials.  Lobbying, party pandering and Wall Street ( plus the church ) have no place in basic government functions  like healthcare, resource distribution, housing and education.  We shot ourselves in the foot with the Kochs with all that petroleum worship and now it's time to pay up.

Which brings me to Plan P.  We sit on the verge of shutdown of basic government services that include all sorts of benefits, some of which are squandered.  Just the other night some gang brotha' shot a guy at the chicken store.  MY chicken store!  Anarchy won't be pretty and shouldn't be our response to what's happening right now.  Planned Parenthood is the nation's largest and most respected provider of basic women's health services including preventives like birth control, pap smears and mammograms.  The entire government of the USA is being held hostage  by tea party Republicans, most of whom their more moderate party members wish would just go away.   The abortion issue was dealt with in 1973 and the law still stands, regardless of how many churches take care of pregnant girls.  Which is what Jesus would do, by the way.  Not the government but the church.  Your tithes are tax-exempt and if  you are not giving back to the least of these in some way, shame on you.  See: Joel and Benny and a whole lot of others.  I'm not just talking vacation bible school but honest to goodness get-out-there amongst 'em service.  

It's almost dark but at least it's not flooding.  Yet.  


Monday, September 28, 2015

government affairs

I was first call at the VA guy's office this morning, showing up right after he did. The sign says walk ins after appointments but his first one wasn't until 9 so there you go.  I learned, as we talked, that he is actually employed by the county to serve our veterans.   There used to be a state employee there full time but that position went away so this poor guy is trying to do it all in two days a week.  I have heard from the horse's mouth that there aren't enough people in the field to take care of business.  That is why wait times are so long.  There was a group of law enforcement professionals having a meeting next door and they kept popping in looking for connectivity.  Not on my wi-fi he said.  Too many numbers in there!!  He's working on it and I go back tomorrow to get it done.  Actually, our case is an easy one because they're already receiving the aid and attendance benefit, or they were.  That stopped when Daddy died.  

Mama had to sign a paper and me retrieve a couple more and I was done with that.  Next was the bank where a nice young lady gave me cash because  I still don't have a debit card.  They've been outsourced as well forcing customers to speak directly with customer service agents.  When you're as absent minded as me, that's a problem.  I'm used to just sliding a card and going on my way.  Mama had lots of attention while I was there getting her bed changed after a bath.  Her head looks better and she's still giving orders.  Girl can smooth write with a cast on though! I was gonna do lunch with cookies and pimento cheese but I'm about ready to chill.  

Last night's moon did indeed appear right before my eyes and I sat mesmerized, camera in hand.  Then I thought to myself "self....just enjoy it."  And I did but then I got tired before it was over.  It was probably full on dark by the time I hit the sack.  The clouds were pink and blue...wispy things that radiated color from the slowly fading brightness.  As I sat there in the corporate chair I wondered where I will be this time tomorrow.  Life throws us curveballs when we least expect it.  

 ~  peace

Sunday, September 27, 2015

blood moon rising

It looks pretty iffy around here for the big moon show but I've seen stranger things happen.  Now and then the clouds part, and surely Big Ernie will give me a glimpse.  I doubt I'll be able in 2033.  My youngest brother posted some old family pictures today which set me to smiling ( and tearing up ) looking at the past through old photography.  I sent him packing to VA with the most hideous picture of he and I ever made and a grinning Bubba.  Ayep.  We have always been the deep thinkers where Bubba avoids it at all costs.  T is the baby and I'm the elder with Bubba in the middle of the sandwich.  

It reminded me of my heritage here in Dyersburg dating back to the war years when my grandparents were wealthy and many were not.  It was a silver spoon kind of upbringing and as far away from Roellen dirt fields as you can get.  Big Daddy was a sharecropper and there were three sisters, with only one remaining in this world.  She dotes on Mama and they talk about old times.  My favorite pictures are the ones at the house on College across from the high school.  That was and always will be my dream home..well, except for the log cabin on a hill which isn't an option according to corporate.  

Pawpaw was a successful businessman and quite handsome.  He died at 45 from heart disease and that broke my mother's heart.  Geraldine proceeded to be a young widow with lots of cash and travel the country with her buddies.  That is, until the money ran out and there's a whole 'nother story up in there if you know what I mean.  She went from sailing the Queen Mary to England in the 60s to dying penniless, my mother and aunt paying for things at the end.  There were threads of mental instability running on both sides and I immediately picked mine up early in life and ran with it!  No, really.  I tried being a nice proper lovely obedient Southern belle but it's not me.  I can appreciate the culture without living it.  We have much more important things to do like SAVE the freakin' planet and FEED the poor. 

I passed the cemetery twice today on food runs and waved at Daddy both times.  I'm trying to do as he asked in his will and remember the good times.  

Here's your sign ~

Saturday, September 26, 2015

papal security

I  find it oddly uncomfortable that our beloved Pope requires so much protection from crazy people with weapons.  I mean when you look up the picture of what Jesus would do in the Bible or the dictionary, he's it.  To those who have dared to proclaim that his message is about either political party, shame on you.  His mission is one of mercy and compassion for the least of these.  How can you judge the feeling of being poor and unable to obtain needed services like healthcare, housing and food.  And don't you DARE  say "get a job."  There aren't any other than minimum wage corporate driven bullshit.  One of our ex roomies was on a road crew about five or six years ago putting down slabs for DGentral and doing the finish.  He was responsible for a crew of (mostly) immigrants who were happy to be working and drank a lot of tequila at the hotel. This was during the time that Weeds was a thing and the DEA was in full swing over the drug trade. Numerous border states had badass sheriffs on the take, smuggling them through and then pocketing the money.  Esteban....that bitch that Shane killed.  Those were the good old days.   Gumbler told me about seeing the signs of coyotes around Brownsville on the ranch where he and Twinkler  ( yes, Twinkler ) lived and worked.  And we're talking the drug smuggling kind not the animal kind.

The sawmill was "appropriately" busy today and not overwhelming.  We ate twice and well and worked like little trojans saving lives and whatnot.  It's what we do because we get paid a lot want to help people.   I finally got my Bernie hoodie just in time for the cool snap that may or may not come.  Surely global warming won't make me wear shorts all winter!  All the wooly worms and weather forecasters are predicting multiple weather events.  So are the persimmon seeds. I knew when I wrote yesterday that I was feeling the anger and frustration that I feel with the healthcare industry from an insider's point of view.  The culture has always been one of punitive damages and in reality that's just new cars for wrongful death attorneys aka ambulance chasers.  Are there true cases of negligence and malpractice?  Hell yes, but mostly people get into the profession believing that life is valuable from beginning to end.  My cousin Sandy is a nurse in the Labor Room on nights.  My brother's friend Suzanne is a hospice nurse.  It's the circle of life.

BG is moving to her own place soon and it's all kind of flowing as if the universe is responding and I'm just a player which is OH so true.  I feel blessed and humbled to not be visiting loan sharks every day and know that my mama is taken care of.  The pressure to be in constant contact is off and that's a relief.  They will call if there's something to deal with.  When I pulled into the drive this afternoon I noticed that the gumball tree Daddy planted in my yard is beginning to turn and that made me sad.  Faithful, but sad.


Friday, September 25, 2015

the corner of happy and healthy

If I were still the snarky anti-Republican I used to be I would be tickled to death with Boehner's resignation which I am only I wish McConnell was right behind him.  And a whole boatload of others, by the way.  The timing of his move one day after a papal visit where he, as a Catholic, has led the tumultuous past years where the government shuts down on a whim while we go without protection,  says volumes.  Maybe...just will become clear that if we all don't play nice and take care of Mother Earth and all its' people, we're going to destroy the world.  And no amount of second coming will save that unless the Rapture includes a new planet.  Get.A.Grip.People.  It's not all about you.  

Watching Nip Tuck is such entertainment, partly because these bobble head botox folks take their appearance so seriously.  I know a surgeon who does that for a living just because it's easier than pulling call on the local ER rotation plus you make a lot more.  He's just as pretty as Christian   Working with doctors my whole life has given me an inside view into who really cares and who's in it for the money.  One whom I can definitely say has dollar signs in his eyes is the one who cared for my father during his last weeks.  Now, was what they call a "complicated" case where the presenting diagnosis didn't match what got found in the OR.  There were three surgeries instead of one big one, each time weakening him a bit more to the point where his elderly body just gave up.  Anesthesia is tough even on much younger folks. Had this particular doc taken the time and effort to recognize something other than a fee, things might have gone smoother.  They're all watching their backs on outcomes you know.  My cousin saw him one of the days I was chasing his ass down at a local hotel about the same time I was trying unsuccessfully to reach him.  He's building one in a nearby town because.....Discovery Park.  

The heroes in this story are my co-workers, the ones who took the time and effort to be there with me while he was critically ill more than in an it's my job kind of way.  The process started about five years ago when my parents began having yearly hospitalizations for this that and the other.  I remember one Mother's Day when Daddy walked into the porch post and was found to have pneumonia as in Strep of the lungs.  And also in his blood.  I had it too and could barely walk yet he bragged on me for being there.  I should have stayed home. The infectious process is insidious and preys on those whose immune system are depressed, in large part, due to toxic substances..  I respect radiation oncology and chemotherapy as disciplines when there is hope. Otherwise, hook me up with some CBDs and let's sing kumba-yahhh!    

I didn't feel like fighting the crowds at the gentral so I wander into the corner of happy and healthy for some lip balm and BC powders.  I couldn't help but notice that corporate America has hidden our choices in aisle upon aisle of name brand cosmetics and generic vitamins.  They don't carry memory so don't even ask.  One of my guiltiest pleasures is RhoTo drops and I now have some if I don't lose 'em.  Same for the allergy ones because my eyes are a hot mess of beans and corn.  Plus global warming.  Lorna and I talked today and her luck is much worse than mine lately so send her some karma.  Tell her Poopie sent you ^j^

Thursday, September 24, 2015

squirrel season

I've noticed several wooly worms and other critters lately, most of them storing up for winter.  Most of the snakes have retreated underground or at least not crossed my path which is good.  There have been no deer because it's dry and they're hiding in the riverbed like the turkeys and wood duck.  Daddy took me on a wildflower and fern digging hike crawling up the big mound right behind the to-die-for house.  There were cattle roaming the hills then, and when he retired they were sold and he bought a gator with the money.  The last time he and mom came to visit me was on that very vehicle last September.  See how odd it is when you let go and let God?  It's a thing, and it brought him lots of pleasure.  End of story.

Bro and tribe should be arriving home in the next few hours, hopefully with no more stomach bugs or emergency calls.  I'm not sure what just happened around here but I think it was a mighty uncoupling of a family that  has a long history with a farm that they don't own.  Last I heard corporate wanted to move the log cabin up on the hill which would be a ( to-die-for ) kickass spot to watch the sunset.  It's what brought the elders together all those years at the shack. Harry was a banker by trade with a history of land ownership dating back to his uncle's purchase of this parcel around 1917 or so.  Over the years it has been given to the Catholic church, bought back and turned into a pretty decent heritage for the heirs what with the heritage of the original houses and two remaining barns.  T and Yvette's dream was to do a vineyard over on those hills.  Instead, they moved to wine country, publish a good news magazine and have two kids.  There was a lifetime agreement between the elders about housing and that has been honored.  My mother has since moved onto assisted living ( praise Big Ernie ) and continues to accept the new normal.  Life is good.

I ran into Clara's husband and brother yesterday at the sawmill where the volunteers sit and it struck me that Daddy quit when they moved to the central location.  He just wanted to be by radiology and the elevator where all the action was.  Volunteer service is something that Jesus would do and I think now, more than ever, that the powers that be are asking us to be kinder and gentler with each other.  Why else would the Pope be visiting Congress??

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

up with the chickens

If I had any they would be stirring about now because I've been at it for an hour or more sorting laundry and making  piles.  This has become my most productive time of the day since Daddy died.  Before that, I could sleep forever if scheduled off.  I suppose it's somewhat of a closure thing with his passing and them leaving the house.  There has been plenty of drama and that just wears me out.  Thus, I avoid the situations that lead to the plague!

I missed the VA guy again yesterday so I've still got a wad of papers with a death certificate waiting to be filed.  The sign said back at 8 today but I doubt it.  My friend at the bank did an assist yesterday to try and get me back into the long lost account.  I have a check to deposit and was seriously considering a new one, if you know what I mean.  It's typical conversion cluster, just like in any business.  Probably one of the worst experiences of my life was changing from one computer system to another.  I copied codes and created test names for MONTHS prior to that conversion.  There were seven facilities and representatives from all of them met in Jackson for the project that led up to a rollout on Jan 1.   That, was a cluster.  I was told later that because of the sheer volume of sites involved, they chose to use current employees for that job rather than pay the company for installers to do it.'s my sign.

The sun is up now, casting shadows across the front yard in a really fall kind of way.  I'm excited about the supermoon and will set my alarm for that event.  Bro is leaving today and I've seen him once due to sick kids and mama drama.  Gaga's dishes went to Aunt Mo because, like Mama said, "she entertains!"  She and Sandy are about all I've got left in the sister/cousin department.

The washer has stopped so it's transfer time.  Y'all keep the faith ^j^

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

code red

We had a fire drill today that actually was more of a hands on experience than any I've ever witnessed.  Hats off to Plant Ops for that plus our every ready on call status drilled in monthly at staff meetings.  How else are you gonna memorize acronyms?  We all became up close and personal behind the fire doors and chilled after I pulled the alarm.  I've ALWAYS wanted to to that.

I found myself with time this afternoon so scooped up new (smaller) drawers at the JCPenney store and got a real kick out of the good natured bickering among sales staff.  I mean, I spent 70 bucks and another lady got a bargain at 4 dollas' and was proud of it.  When I cruised into the home all the rocking chairs were full because it's a nice day.  Mom remained in her room becuase, um.  I don't know.  Anyways she called twice last night crying and then again this morning.  When I sat down she started with the anguish and accusations and I just couldn't handle it so I started moving toward the door slowly and by degrees.  By the time I got out I was in tears and she was hollering at my back.  Not a pretty picture, if you know what I mean.  I stopped by to chat with Sam and she made me feel better.  It's everyday's business to them.  She'll see the grandkids and all will be right with the world.

So..what about that asshat  hedge fund manager/robber baron/pharm guy.  Talk about getting busted he's like UNDER the jail.  Healthcare is a right, now something to finance Wall Street.   From the time life begins, whenever that may be in your opinion, it is a gift from God and not something to be bought and sold at the tables in the temple.  The upside to this might  be that higher quality more affordable drugs could be in our future after a few more companies tumble.  If you had asked me a year ago if I could imagine that we would be looking at the real possibility of a third party candidate and an organic revolution, I would have said "no way."    And by golly, I was wrong.

Faithful wishes....

Monday, September 21, 2015

just ask judy ~ or joe

One of my oldest online friends as in, um, years of a lovely lady of style and guts  who spent her career decorating things like governor's mansions and weddings.  Probably even a Bar Mitzvah or two.  Our inside joke has always been that she'll do my flowers when Sugardaddy shows up.  We are of like mind politically, spiritually and human rights wise whether it's women or whomever the minority du jour is.  I'm still so pissed about the upcoming  GOPgasm I could just hit somebody.  Gotta' find some zen on that piece.  Thanks Judy!

I'm training what will probably be my last student in the art of compatibility testing and whatnot.  Managing the blood supply of a hospital like ours is pretty serious business because we're a regional center for local trauma.  We are supplied by an independent blood center half an hour away and get excellent service. When I first started we got it off a bus from Memphis and it took 6 hours.  Not.Good.  Around that time a man named Jack Smythe with a ythe came around recruiting locals to support county wide donation programs.  My home church preacher Willis took to the pulpit with fire and brimstone and by golly got the whole thing started.  That same volunteer base is represented in multiple counties and hospitals.  That is something to be proud of...just saying.  They serve the Gentral where blood usage is pretty heavy because their trauma is the trauma WE send them.  Thanks Joe!

The guy at the home told me to put the VA papers in the person's hand for entry so I called to find that our local rep is on the road and his duties being covered by a farmer who is getting his crop in.  His desk is in the old DMV building, unlike Ziglar over at the unemployment office.  I told him I'd be there right after 2 and dude stuck a note on the door "out at 1:47."  So I'm guessing maybe it really is quicker by snail mail.  Hey...we can FedEx that bitch!  Another lady was trying to get in with papers and she said he had told her it would probably close soon with the closest "regional" office being in Ripley.  Can you imagine having to drive that far to deal with affairs concerning death.  Geez man.

 Tomorrow is BGs 31st birthday and I still remember the week prior to her birth.  I had taken the last week off before her due date and didn't commence so I went back for *one* day and started having contractions.  That went on for two days before Mary Stuart pulled her out with forceps because everybody was wore ass out, especially her.  There was a pizza party in the waiting room and all the fam was gathered.  I couldn't feel my legs 'til the next day.

I'm assuming that perhaps I'm not living my life on exactly the right path when things happen like they have lately.  The IRS caught up with me on 2013 in the tune of 700 bucks on 3900.  The kicker is that last year it wasn't required.  Thanks Obama!   I did get to hug my brother today and that's always good.  I mean, time and distance are pretty formidable at this point!


Sunday, September 20, 2015

early morning observations

Today's animal totem was a raccoon crossing my path which I almost hit only he was quick.  That should mean that I'm either about to be out of the desert or should appreciate what I have.  I choose both!  Since I was awake WAY before daylight I decided to go grocery shopping and discovered that Kroger doesn't open until 7 on Sunday. Soooooo...I hauled garbage.  Lots of it.  You can actually see the ground out back now.  There have been a couple of times when I let it get so out of control there had to be intervention like um...burying it.  Or sweet talking somebody with a truck to help a girl out.  I did my own bagging at the store and the guy whose job it is showed up just in time to haul 50 pounds of dog food.  Now I have to get it up the steps.  Damn.

The paperwork is finished for Mom's future so now we wait for the wheels to turn with the feds who are in charge of paying for her care on Daddy's dime.  It took six weeks to get the papers from OPM to continue his retirement in her name and file for life insurance.  I'd say another six may just get some money in the bank but you never know.  The Tea Partiers may just shut down the whole shooting match.  Time will tell.  

We're hooked on Nip Tuck around here and already into season 6.  I can't explain it, but this show is addictive as are the other ones like it.  I watched every season of Weeds until Andy walked off into the sunset leaving a reality stricken Nancy Botwin Newman Botwin howling.  Same with Breaking Bad and Nurse Jackie.  With this kind of entertainment, who needs cable.  I was rather disappointed in my celebrity boyfriend's movie that I rented, Love and Mercy.  He needs to stay away from the romantic leads even if it's an ego feeder.  Must Love Dogs was good but other than that, nah.   Plus 2012 was pretty cheesy.  

I passed this guy on a bicycle cruising downhill with a drink in his hand.  The usual suspects were hanging out at the front of the chicken store, minus Mr. Gene whose only day off is Sunday.  And I drove by my home church two or three times like I do every day.  At 6AM there was a solitary car in the lot .When I came back by at 8 I remembered that's the time that Daddy always arrived to practice with the men's choir.  Until he got sick six weeks prior to his death, he never missed.  Mom would play hooky now and then but not him.  

Gotta' go put up groceries and try a bite of every little thing.  Y'all keep the faith ^j^

Saturday, September 19, 2015

far far away

Half the state of Tennessee is on I-40 today headed to a ballgame and the other half will be glued to the teevee.  It's FOOTBALL time in big orange country.  As for me and mine we are doing the Saturday morning chill, inside of course because it's still hot.  I did run up to the chicken store for supplies and found myself in line behind somebody counting out dimes and nickels for cigs.  Hey...been there, done that.  That's why I'm such a patient sort I reckon.

Since I was up later(er) last night I didn't wake until after daylight for a change.  Maybe that means I'm moving out of that deep phase of grief that follows the death of several loved ones.  In the space of two years I've lost three cousins, my father, and two aunts.  This type of ongoing loss is not unusual but a progression of life that requires a lot of self care and looking ahead which is totally where I'm at.  I will give you my best until it becomes detrimental to my own mental health, then you're on your own.  Life is too short to give away energy for people who don't want to try.

I just had the chance to chat with an online friend from back in the day.  A friend of hers committed suicide, in suicide prevention month, no less.  And life goes on for the rest of us, you know?  We talked about therapy and how it's such hard work that we tend to avoid it unless the pain becomes unbearable.  Rod of "here's the thing" fame has retired but his partner still practices and I'm about to look her up soon.  Like, you know.  In all my spare time!

So, Planned Parenthood got de-funded so I'm assuming the Republicans will now take care of all the unwanted babies that will come around because of a lack of services.  On the one hand, I see the wisdom in taking government funding out of basic women's healthcare because then the church isn't involved as much.  PP could be funded by private donation if done correctly.  The ones who don't like what's up can pass on giving their money and donate to the special interest of their choice.  I can even see cutting funds for abortion if the rest of the services remain available.  BUT, to assume that taking money away from an organization that provides access to basic women's health is going to stop people from having sex is absurd.  Rant over.

 You guys have a lovely weekend.  I plan to do the same ^j^

Friday, September 18, 2015

giving back

My parents spent a lot of their spare time volunteering to help others when they weren't working and raising three kids.  I'm ashamed to say that I've not done a whole lot of that  Ever since the crash in 2008 my life has been consumed with trying to make a living and navigate the waters ahead.  I am serious when I say that it has been about five years in the desert that seemed like forty plus.  During that time I've dealt with aging parents and worked full-time.  There have been various and sundry folks living here because my casa is yours if there's a need and an extra surface to sleep on.  Sometimes it's the couch, sometimes the floor.  I don't regret a minute of it if that makes sense because today it seems clear to me that life is a highway and you just do the next right thing.  

Anybody who's in the mood for week old ice cream cake come on over because it's taking up half the freezer.  I got some gifts today at the sawmill as thanks for my participation in the class.  I'm probably the one "least likely" to finish a project due to procrastination but I'm also one who recognizes talent when I see it and I've got to admit these people are kick-ass in every respect.  And yes, most of them are nurses, you harpies.  See how y'all do without Johnson and Johnson as a sponsor.  Our leadership team is brimming with talent at this point and I see good things ahead.  

I noticed my friend Keith is on vacay at my *favorite* beach resort, the one with the RTJ golf trail on site.  He's been posting pics of his bride and his food, not necessarily in that order.  His daughter Jillzy and BG were running buddies back in the day.  There are tales to tell there, but I'll save them for another day.  Lauren's birthday is coming up and since her 30th was a sort of non-event, I'm hoping we blow this out out.  Baby bro and family are in transit for a visit and there's still paperwork to get done but it's TGIF and beer thirty.  Enough said.

I'll be up before sunrise.  You know the drill ~

Thursday, September 17, 2015

corn dust

That's what's up in the air being cleaned by my nice central unit with a dirty filter.  Those things cost a fortune at the gentral' but it's been too hot for Lowe's.  And no, I don't have my mums yet because it's 90 freakin' degrees!  There is a fungus that runs rampant in corn crops and even though they are totally doused with fungicide, some of it just sets up camp.  It's what was on Daddy's face and ultimately on all of us.  Poor hygiene is the culprit in a lot of illness and is often the result of mental disorders that slip under the radar.  I'll never forget the day the quite seasoned MSW from home health came to evaluate our parental home situation at the time.  Daddy hated her so she stayed in the wings for a few years while they kept going at the cabin.  She had a nice long visit with him before she retired and they made peace.  Thanks're an angel.

Against all odds, the petunias that me and Lori re-potted on Mother's day have survived the summer even without Billie G hauling water in a bucket.  Each time someone stops by they get a drink, and I have one in the back garden along with a whole lot of peace lilies that are about to die.  Y'all come get you some.  Mama got her panties today and she gave me some that were purchased by BG and totally unacceptable.  Bubba stopped by at lunch and moved the 'frig up higher where she can reach things.  Plus, he brings snacks!

I'm not at all happy about the implosion of the GOP because, seriously.  With that many candidates WTF do true Republicans do?  A friend of a friend who is quite conservative stated that he was just done with the whole party, which we all should be.  Yeah, I'm feeling the Bern.  There is a part of me that wants to save every Syrian refugee I see but then I know from experience that we don't even take care of our own and that's sad.  One of the richest countries in the world mistreats veterans and old people in the name of an almighty dollar.  Jesus doesn't like that stuff, just saying.

The new bed got new sheets and Aleve helped out the left hip situation so I'm good as long as the air doesn't go south.  Tomorrow is another big day for our team and I have to say that I've enjoyed every minute of the learning process.  When my father got sick and died, I was summarily excused and covered by the notorious Honey Badger from radiology.  On our first day we were asked who was a personal hero and why and of course everybody said their mom or dad or kids or husband.   I started with a political candidate and got funny looks.   The presentations will be tomorrow and I'm not a player, just moral support.  For that, I am grateful. Most of them are nurses and I'm not one to raise hell or anything but get a life MSM.  You have pissed off a whole helluva' lot of hard workers who just want to help people and get paid accordingly.

BG picked up a screw in the new car so I had to get fix-a-flat on the way home so she could turn in her papers for work.  Lord, y'all.  I talked to Ms. Faye yesterday after her son died at 52 from lymphoma and chemo and it was really sad how she didn't have the perks that we did because they were 40 miles from home at Big City with bigger hospitals.  Sometimes you just need to know when to fold 'em.

Faith ~


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

better late than never

I had ordered an ice cream cake for my (un) birthday party and then Mama broke her arm and it seemed like not quite so important so I didn't pick it up.  They started calling that afternoon and they don't take checks ( remember, no debit card ) and I rarely keep cash so I've been putting them off.  Until today, that is.  I skipped out of work ten minutes early on a mission to get new sheets for the new bed and new granny panties for my mama.  Yaya was invited to the party and in fact showed up along with her sister, mother and Mary Beth plus Lois Mae.  Uh.  I guess they didn't get the email.  Anyways, they partied without me and send cards.  I ran into Yaya at JCP while shopping and she dropped my gift bag in the car.  About that time the DQ called again and said "the cake, remember?".  So....I had planned on dropping off the undies and visiting with Mom but it's 90 degrees and the cake would have been soup by the time I got home.  She's had company today so I don't feel so bad.

So, how about those harpies on The View hmm?  Don't piss off a bunch of healthcare providers, I'm just saying.  Karma will send you the bitch from hell with a needle next time you have plastic surgery.  The outdated notion that only physicians take care of a patient is one that needs to go in the trash.  They are contracted with and employed ( for the most part ) by corporations now just like the "rest of us."  Gone are the days of private practice thanks to specialization and high malpractice premiums.  It is what it is and it takes a village to care for the sick.

Since there is no TV here other than a player I suppose I'll miss the GOP debate and I'm really torn up about that one.  I'm sure the WWW will keep me posted.  They might as well just give it up because it's Bernie time in Tennessee and a lot of other places.  Haslam and his band of merry conservatives have managed to eff up even more a totally complicated thing like healthcare and possible revenue streams like weed.  Today is tax free weed day in CO so I imagine they're covered up with clients.

Carry on people ~ with faith

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

code poopie

I was headed to the clock this afternoon when a co-worker asked me to be a secret shopper/ test patient for a new project.  I was all on a mission to get to the house so I kept on going and just as I rounded the corner one of the docs who raised me showed up as a volunteer for today's drill.  This is how we do things when the planets line up just right and that seems to be what's happening in my little world.  At.Last.  I got pulled over (again) and admonished by a city cop before daylight for not wearing a belt and showing a rear light out because I'm not sure why.  There are spare bulbs but something fried the connection on that trusty Camry so there you go.  

My cousin bought dinner and delivered candles yesterday evening and I stayed up way past bedtime and had fun for a change.  This is never a bad thing if you know what I mean.  It was her only day off for the next week and she had been up for 24 hours because she's a *nurse* who delivers babies and saves lives much like myself.  There's this new box store in UC that sells candles for a flat rate and I feel sure I'll never need to buy some expensive ass scent again. 

Today's mail contained the paperwork to continue my mother's financial obligation from the feds on Daddy's service.  It took nine phone calls and six weeks to get an official request for death certificates and other relevant info.  Meanwhile, she's trying to adjust to assisted living without Daddy.  I still can't believe the whole thing went down the way that it did, but it's a blessing I'm sure.  That's where me and RisibleGirl are alike...always with the Pollyanna.  "The sun will come up TOmorrow!"

I feel kind of pumped up by the political climate these days.  The two parties that have thrown barbs for years and done exactly the same things involving money-changing have been called out by the American people for what they are which is sort of biblical in a Pharisee/Saducee kind of way.  That says volumes to me as a believer.  

Other than that?  It's not a hundred degrees and I'm down with that.  Bring on the fall.



Monday, September 14, 2015

and so it goes

Since Mom broke her arm last week we had to skip her GP appointment  while she was getting a cast and there are still papers to be signed for *ahem* housing assistance so here we went this afternoon IN the wheelchair to and fro.  You know a girl's been there done that when all she can say is "I'm glad it's not a hundred degrees!"  And back then there were two of them.  She's finally decided to quit asking what's going on because all I can tell her is the beat goes on and big fish are eating the little ones by the dozens.  My angel du jour is a very nice gentleman named Winston who helped me to get into my bank account for the first time in 9 days.  Now, call me paranoid but that was pretty slick pulling the whole deal off over a holiday weekend.   Since I lost my debit card I was pretty much screwed for 7-10 business days.  Thank you Winston at Simmons Bank.  You made my Monday a lot less stressful.  We also rolled out at the sawmill with new badges and t-shirts as our West TN division partners with 7 facilities in the Knoxville area.  Often with smart management resources can better serve communities.  I believe that will happen here as we drill down toward quality improvement at the beside and beyond.  If you give me a WOW card I promise I won't hurt a bit.

It's human nature to complain and some folks who seem blessed in more ways than I ever imagine will sit on a pity pot and whine from here to next year. I cannot understand this totally free floating state of negativity that circles certain individuals.  So you had a bad day.  What did you do to make it better??  Get over your bad self and put on the big girl panties.  If you lost 'em, I'll loan you some.  I don't always wear them but I do have a spare set.

Bernie... What can I say but "give 'em hell!"  At a time when I had totally lost faith in the government of this country you not only kicked the right's ass but also came out ahead of one of my not so favorite Democrats.  All of this, and you have no party ties and are funded by small contributions from voters themselves.  Sweet deal, kids.  If you don't vote smart, it's Zombie time.


Sunday, September 13, 2015

hoodie time

It's that season when there's a chill in the air signaling football ( sorry Vols ) bonfires and of course HOODIES!  I normally wear BG's stuff because I hate to shop but I have an honest to goodness Bernie hoodie on the way.  I figure it will see me through until the election next year.  I just watched a video of how half a million folks got rescued from Manhattan on 9/11 and must admit I never even thought about them being trapped like that.   Amazing stuff y'all, and truly what we are capable of as a people if we work smart together.  

In today's news there was word of the not so great state of Alabama closing all but FOUR driver's license stations.  I mean come on people!  Who can drive hours to get to the DMV???  Adding insult to injury, they have a law requiring a photo ID to vote.  Hmmm.  Sounds like court time for you  Tide folks.  I woke up before daylight again, this time with tears in my eyes.  I figure it's a process and I might as well let it flow now because life just keeps on changing.  I went to see the mayor Mozella yesterday and gave her a B12 shot.  Clara was there, stopping by on her way to see "the girls", her chickens.  A long time county employee she is currently running for a vacant spot on the school board.  I hope she wins!

The new neighbors had a lot of stuff and the lane was hot with traffic on their moving day.  We haven't met yet but I'm sure that will happen.  If I was a good Betty Crocker like villager I'd be baking bread as a house warming gift. Sadly, I am not.  Just an old smartass hippie with osteo in every joint.  Aleve is my drug of choice.  An old friend stopped by yesterday for a visit and we caught up on what's going on in his world.  His kids are living elsewhere with their Mama but they talk to him regularly.  He was wearing a cross around his neck that L gave him.  

Gigi is working like a maniac on her new house and I stopped by yesterday not realizing that she had locked herself in to paint.  Next time I'll bang on the door !  "Our" pool didn't get used this weekend because it's too cool I imagine.  There might have been some brave souls who jumped, but I wasn't one of 'em.   I'm unwinding, so to speak.  Letting out all those loose thoughts and regrets...small joys and big victories.  Because why?  Because I can.  


Saturday, September 12, 2015

leap of faith

Ever since Daddy died I wake up between 3 and 5 AM as if it were still that morning and his passage in progress.  I didn't get the call until about five and the pronouncement was around seven but you get the picture.  I will never forget driving to the hospital that morning, passing  the deer who were waiting to greet me along the lane.   The power of animal totems became quite clear to me on that day.  Since I was already up before daylight, Oscar and I made a trip to the chicken store today and en route, I noticed a little grasshopper on the inside of the windshield, right in my field of view.  He hopped into my life to represent a leap of faith, so to speak.  Major change is on my horizon not just because it's time but because the Universe demands it.   I have long since ceased to try and figure it all out because that's an exercise in futility.  All I know is when opportunity knocks, I'm ready to jump.

It's beautiful here on this hill at sunrise where it appears over the Thompson place first and rises high above the runways and golfers.  I get chills watching the light move through the gaps in that ancient barn, casting shadows that  hide a hundred years worth of memories.  My friends arrived safely at their destination, drama notwithstanding.  I have lots of 'chit to do but probably won't accomplish much today because I'm feeling lazy.  Maybe that half a prednisone will kick in and I can get some cleaning in the works!  Or not.  We shall see.

My favorite birthday post was from none other than Baby Jet, one of Ryder's puppies that got adopted locally.   Chosen as a companion for a dog with social issues, this beauty has grown and prospered in a new home.  It seems like years since we crawled under the barn to count how many babies there were.  Ten, by the way.  Lotso' puppies.  After that came the warm weather and snakes and then people started dying and...Lord have mercy.  I'm not even sure what day it is.  Oh yeah...Saturday and I'm off.

I ramble more now and rant less.  This comes with a slowing down in every little thing to the point that says "I'm past all that."   Never one to really dwell on details, I've become one who lives in a stream of consciousness kind of way rather than reacting quickly.  The flip side of that is the tendency for it to become high level procrastination, which I'm working to get away from.  If you touch it more than once, pitch it.

The worst of this year's heat is over and I'm glad but kind of misty.  As long as  it was hot, it was still the summer that was my father's last.  He loved the summertime, but also the fall when the harvest became a symbol of his hard work during that growing season.   I miss him in a way that's hard to describe for we were never really what you would call "close."  It took me 40 years to become who I was with him and even longer to understand that he really loved me.  He was proud of who I have become even when I seemed to be the enemy in his tight little world.  Part of Mama died with him, but she's soldiering on with a lot of help from a very special crew at the home and a tight little circle of family.  All I really ever wanted was for them to be in a safe place where people could care for them properly.  We just took the long way around.


Friday, September 11, 2015

simmons first

Under the guise of a holiday weekend my bank sold and re-branded.  This means that my (lost) debit card from the previously locally owned franchise is swimming in snail mail.  The money that we deposited from our recent good and bad fortune is lost in space during the transition.  So much for the banking industry.  They have my DD paycheck as well yet I cannot find out my current balance because customer service is experiencing long wait times.  Ya' think?  I'm about to go all Elizabeth Warren on you people!  And Bernie too, for good measure.

Since today is 9/11/15 I am reflecting on the idiocy of a the past few fourteen years in the wake of those attacks. We were clueless then, not believing that perhaps our ways were not those of Big Ernie.  Oddly enough, my tribute for that day was for none other than one Neil David Levin who had worked his way up through the ranks of high finance to the WTC office where he died like thousands of others.  I remember the hatred and bigotry during the days that followed with Muslim followers being persecuted universally, peaceful as they were.  Jihad for good is an honorable thing.  Dying for a god who believes in taking innocents is heresy.  There are no virgins in heaven or martyrs.  It's just you and the next right thing.   Often a Long Road out of Eden.

Mom and I had lunch today with ice cream for desert and it was lovely.  She ate her sundae left handed, no less.  Red met me at the door and opened it when I came in from the DQ and told me he had checked in on her and found her mouth wide open and snoring, still in PJs.  That's our girl!  Do not call or text or message or otherwise bother me before 9AM  because you will be ignored.  Sometimes it's all about that rest.


Thursday, September 10, 2015

be prepared

My mother, daughter and I were all Girl Scouts of the USA by golly and that was our motto.  We've been so prepared all our lives that we forgot to live, if you know what I mean.  Who among us has not stashed away first paper sacks and then PLASTIC bags for emergency use.  I remember hearing that during the Cold War stockpiling became huge, and then it expired.  I believe in using something as long as it's useful but once the utility is gone, there is no room left in my life for sentiment.  Well, maybe a little.  

Mama's wrist is fractured from the fall so there's  a UT orange cast on it for six weeks.  To say that I am grateful that this happened on somebody else's watch is an understatement. I've been way too busy snoozing on the new ass bed to jump and run to the ER.  These are your options folks!  The ERs of this country are packed with real emergencies that  people depend on care for and your stupid ass is all going postal because you can't get any hydros???  Go to hell.  Addiction is a psyhco/social condition that is not just limited to chemical use.  I've seen folks so addicted to some simple repetitive behavior that they would kill to do it.  Like my Daddy and the remote!

Today was was the pre-rollout of our improved brand which is the new green only without the letters. DRMC remains committed to quality care under the leadership of a new administration that seeks to invite community involvement.  They have been served well over the years by volunteers like my parents, Mr. Buck and Gerald.  Miss Polly and Miss Vera survive to run the gift shop.   Nobody even remembers who Geraldine Reaves was except for a few old timers.  My grandmother was an ER admissions clerk at the time of her mandatory retirement at 70.  I met a lot of cool people in that department.  The doctors were always smokin' hot.  

My friend and her minions are on a mission far away from danger and fear and I sleep better knowing that as well.  God moves in mysterious ways and often provides a swift kick in the ass when it's time to roll.  She got hers and it's in motion.  Peace and Grace sister~ My birthday was a steady Facebook reel of people who hired bots to say HBD or something because geez! Mamye has always called me on my day because Watson's is the 11th and we remember it.  She's my alter ego in that kick ass take charge kind of way.  She's hung with a lot of difficult *ahem* men and never gone down.  Even on tequila!

I've been asked to photograph the "to die for" house so I'm waiting for it to cool off a bit.  The new tenants will be moving in shortly and they sound harmless compared to the hot mess that lived there for seven years. "He's a dandy!" That's what Daddy said, and he didn't lie.  Somewhere along the way their little "we have potential as a special needs family" turned into a bad movie.  There were regular visits by law enforcement for welfare checks on the three children because the father had a seizure disorder and regularly self medicated and locked them out of the house.  You can't make this shit up, y'all.  The mother would randomly walk to town just to get away from the crazy.  The last three years there was no reliable vehicle.  It was the nastiest mess of a place I've ever witnessed when they left.  

But that was then and this is now ^j^

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

jumping off

Turning 60 has me thinking all sorts of things like : life is short and then you die!  I picked up Daddy's bible when I was at the house yesterday and found a copied page which was probably from a SS lesson.  It was about faith without works not being real.  I truly believe that because true faith enables us to see opportunities to help others on the front lines of our lives.  It might be just a hug or maybe a meal or even building a house.  Faith will deliver good things in spite of the obstacles that may seem insurmountable.  This past year has shown me that, even when I was in the desert.

We had planned a little lunch thing today but Mama fell during the night so she's got an iced down wrist.  I'll go visit her when I pick up the ice cream cake which I will get to eat ALL of, thankyouverymuch.  There is a lot of forward motion happening which is what we've needed here at Casa Poops.  I slept like a big fat rock on that new bed and the dogs did too.  There is rain in the forecast (finally) so maybe some of the dust will settle.  I'm definitely ready for fall.

I can't imagine how lonely it was before FB on your birthday, I mean Lord!  I'm not real good at doing that but my page is full already of greetings and wishes and the badass phone is blowing up.  That's a new thing because I've never had the notification by message deal before this device.  Wonders never cease.

Gotta' go check on Mom and convince her she didn't  "ruin" my birthday.


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

road dog

This is "it's okay to be me" day here on the hill.  I'm waiting for Bedroom Bill and his crew to deliver my present to me which is a new queen set.   That 25 year old deal in there is killing my back and hips.  It's okay for the dogs but.....not so much for folks like me.  I put them on the floor for some odd reason, probably thinking I'd have more support with the wood underneath.  Who knows what I was thinking at that point in time?   Oscar and I took a road trip up to the chicken store which will be my only outing.  He rides shotgun and loves to hang out the window on the driver's side where I can see his eyes with the wind blowing all that terrier hair back.  The first time he was in a car he jumped out the window into a cotton field and tumbled.  Dude learned his lesson that day.

Oddly enough, I am able to spot Daddy's grave from the street now and that brings comfort.  There is no stone yet and it's a VA thing so I imagine it will take forever and a day.  Mama is sleeping 12 hours a day at the home which is way cool because she's tired like the rest of us.  We tried to get her a new bed but she said nope..she'd sleep in the antique 3/4.  She was disappointed that I didn't want the family history rebound for my birthday and chose ice cream cake instead.  We'll be having lunch together on my birthday tomorrow which is, as Old Hoss would say: "A good thing."   Martha Stewart too.  It's an inside family joke with Mom about not being Martha.

So, Bernie is trumping both Hillary and Donald so there you go.  Never say never y'all.  To all of you free thinkers out there and others who might be swayed toward the middle, consider this candidacy if you will.  An end to privatized prisons and harsh drug enforcement laws.  Accountability  by big money  entities to  government, including transparency in campaign funding.  Environmental safety that looks toward the crises that global warming have presented to us.   It is real, and it's not going away.  Deal with it.

There is no other news than my eyes are still swollen and there's a cool front coming so I'm looking forward to the relief.   This too shall pass.


Monday, September 7, 2015


I appreciated my job as I labored on earlier, thanking Big Ernie for a nice day with nice folks and not much drama which is how I like it.  We got to eat TWICE which is unheard of for a holiday or weekend usually.  The dumbass head count in the ER sector of traffic was pretty low because of a very big presence by local law enforcement which is "a good thing."  Nothing like a three day weekend to get rednecks all geeked up and fighting.  A knife or gun wound can seriously overwhelm the blood supply over not such  a short time.  Not to mention wrecks and babies getting born!  I watch the blood supply like a hawk and have tangled on more than one occasion with doctors who think that they can have what they want when they want it because......MD.

There is a new game in town called patient satisfaction which will determine Medicare dollar payout to healthcare facilities. The satisfaction score is monitored and reported for everything from rudeness to non-compliance with hand hygiene.   And the patients are the one who give input which means me and you kids.  If there is ever to be any sort of reasonable solution to the healthcare crisis globally, it has to start with us.  I guarantee  you that none of the O's at BCBS  think about how you're treated while they're on the yacht.  Just saying.  Same for big banks and oil and pham.  We have all worked and paid for the privilege of watching a pretty fair shake at good health in the 70's turn into who the hell knows what with a fat co- pay.  Leadership for this kind of change must always originate at the grass roots level so that consumers can not be boxed into "agreements" with third parties.

Some Einstein decided about 1980 that it was no longer acceptable to "bundle" charges the way hospitals did then, contracting with providers for service and charging likewise.  This was when insurance paid for an overnight stay for a physical, mind you.  Right after I started the lab got rid of blood gases and EKGs and I was tickled.  I never even had to do one of those awful stomach acid things.  After watching  couple of autopsies I was pretty much over the whole histo thing and snug in the clinical sector the rest of my time where I remain.  Still.

My eyes are slowly opening again but raw so I'm avoiding anything that might invoke tears like umm..the past.  There is nothing I can change there even if I were right about this or that or the other.  It was what it was and it happened.  My response, always acceptable, was either to whine or soldier on.  Sometimes a little of both.  I've loved a lot of people who couldn't find it to love me back or who loved and left.  I have also been blessed with some of the truest friends a girl could ever ask for just by being who I am and trusting that the spirit works when you let it.  Always leave room.



Sunday, September 6, 2015

here's the rub

My best Labor Day memory ever is of the day that Bubba organized a hunt in an inconspicuous corner and cooked fried tilapia on the tailgate of somebody's truck while Daddy sat next to the cattle rub that P.H. White used to sell.  There's a picture somewhere but I can't seem to find it.  He sat on the hill while I rode with all these guys and their dogs down to where the action was.  Red Houston was there too with his dog, the one he used to bring out for a run every day.  He is now in the home where Mama lives which is pretty sweet considering she and Miss Ruth were besties.  I think he still goes home to check on the onions in the bathtub out in the side yard.  Hey...farmer's gotta' do what they do.  

Every day gives me the opportunity to see that I'm wasting away doing what I do with my life.  I am a corporate lackey ( with benefits ) who tries to make a difference and has been treated poorly during the  previous mergers/sales/ what have you.  I'm talking 38 years worth.  Imagine my surprise when I pulled up to "my" bank's window for cash on Saturday morning and found that all the signage had changed and they were closed.  That kind of shit causes riots y'all, not to mention people jumping off the roof of Wall Street.  

On a lighter note, Mama made it to church today thanks t Carney.  I set two for me and one to make sure she was up.  If the woman didn't have something to worry about she'd just have to take a nap which is exactly what she was doing when I called.  We chatted and I assured her that I do indeed want the family history and she can have it rebound but she should save her $% for high thread count sheets.  Said she was just gonna' give it to Tommy which makes sense.  The buck stops here with the Stafford name.  

There was this random violent thing that I heard about yesterday which was really disturbing on a lot of levels involving chemically modified drugs that tend to give one super-human strength when in overdose mode.  This substance became legal because marijuana is illegal according to the federal government.  Many states have made the decision to jump on the business wagon and tap into the wonders of CDBs as a curative future.  Don't y'all ever watch Sanjay??  Geez.  

Pain pills including but not limited to hydros, percocets, oxys, morphine,etc. are readily available for sales because there is an entire sub-culture devoted to the doctor mills that keep these people hooked.  In the biz it's known as "pain management".  The reality of it is that somebody with an MD on their name is raping state sponsored insurance like TnCare.  See: Phil Bredesen. The downfall of that entire program was the failure of the state to provide proper oversight to a program that was ripe for the picking by corrupt Dems like the Ford family and everybody they ever knew.  Daycare.  Healthcare.  All pissed away by corruption.  I can say that I don't care all day long but everybody knows I do.  I'm just really tired right now and don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.   

Saturday, September 5, 2015

doves and ferris wheels

The weekend before Labor Day is always huge because dove season begins and the fair is coming to town on Monday.  Bless all of everybody's heart who is considering either because it's hot as hell with no relief in sight until Thursday.  Kid Rock's brother is out mowing my dirt yard but I'm inside so it's good.  I turned the corner with the conjunctivitis today at just about the time I was ready to just dig a hole and lay down in it.  Miserable, I tell you.  When I pulled in this afternoon and checked the mail there were a couple of birthday cards from friends which made my day.  

I know that county fairs are held all over the country but I feel sure they are a different animal in the south.  Most have truck pulls, beauty pageants and carnivals plus a chance for farmers and artists to compete for the honor of placing in a category.  The whole thing is pulled together seamlessly and tirelessly by a cadre of volunteers who do it for the love of community.  I grew up there since my Daddy was on the board of directors and Mama worked the office with none other than Red Henson as a boss.  There was barely a golf cart then to scurry from place to place at the site next to the cemetery.  I distinctly remember hearing the carnival music as we put my uncle in the ground to the sound of taps.  

BG is the proud owner of a gently used car and enough new clothes to be presentable.  Our new beds will be delivered on Tuesday, mine to here and hers down the road.  If it doesn't work out with corporate, she can move it.  Bubba is on vacay with his peeps at the lake like the whole rest of the world as we (thankfully) say goodbye to summer '15.  Lord have mercy is all I can say.  

We are still grieving but it's not the heavy kind that puts you into walking-in-quicksand mode.  Having my mother in a safe place allows me to sleep well at night and that's all I need at this point.  As my body and soul heal, there will be energy and hope to try new things like finding Sugardaddy.  For now, I'll just take the easy road and hunker down.  My mother, in the same conversation yesterday, urged me to "take care of yourself and get rest" and " get out and be with your friends."  Right now, that's a conundrum.  I will take a gradual lightening of the load and give thanks along the way.  

Faith ~

Friday, September 4, 2015

the outside world

I stopped by the FNP's office yesterday after work and didn't have the energy to wait so I camped out on her doorstep this morning to be first in line.  She saw me a few weeks ago for an ear infection and the eye thing that has gotten progressively worse to the point that she exclaimed that I looked like a vampire.  I was thinking more along the lines of a zombie.  I lost my reading glasses yesterday as well so it was kind of a blind person going through the motions.  She put drops in my eyes which immediately helped and gave me a shot in the butt for good measure.  In my heart, I know it's because of the hot stagnant air around Casa Poops and the bush hog yesterday didn't help.  Plus, Ragweed.  Aaaaand pesticides.

I was supposed to have lunch with friends today but after visiting Mom and running an errand for her it was time to head to the house and get under the AC.  As everyone knows, surely, I do so hate to sweat.  I'm counting down the days watching the days fly by prior to the 9th when I turn 60.  I think it's a good age because you're still usually healthy enough to be out and about but old enough not to get in too much trouble, if you know what I mean.  With age comes wisdom.

We've been so busy with moving and whatnot that I still haven't "finished" the thank yous like I lied and said I did.  It's okay y'all!  I'm slow but sure.  As I went in to see Mom this morning I ran into Phyllis and Jim, son and daughter-in-law of Mama's next door neighbor.  We talked about how they both got there, about two months apart, and how much joy they have found in each other.  She had a mini-spell while I was there about rather being at home and I understood.  I'm the same way.  Everytime we talk now, she wants to know what's going on in the outside world like it's changed since she moved.  Not a thing dear.  Not a thing.
I did some pitching at the red log cabin yesterday limited ONLY to empty envelopes and tiny boxes of safety pins and thread.  And VHS tapes.  Lordy Jesus!  These people got a load of stuff.  There are two box sets of Garrison Keillor cassettes that I gave Daddy years ago.  They had a lot of fun with old Garrison and also Lewis Grizzard.  Oh...and Brother Dave Gardner!  The one book that I've retrieved so far is a signed copy of The Widow's Mite that I also gave him eons ago.  Hey....I take that stuff seriously.

Next to the wall sits a huge 9 pane window from my attic which I filled with farm pictures and gave them for Christmas one year.  It sits right next to the fireplace that started a blaze under the floor one time when we were on the way to a Led Zeppelin concert, of all things.  I think the multivitamins are working because I remember more.  Then again, I may just be coming out of the fog on occasion.  It's been a tough and long ride.  The only thing that keeps me sane is the love and support of others.


Thursday, September 3, 2015

the universe responds

Once upon a time when I was newly single and bored I wandered the halls of the sawmill and noticed this totally cute guy with doting parents nearby.  The nurses hooked me up and my one date with him came the day after Hurricane Katrina up here on the lane.  It was so hot you could just feel the earth about to explode and here I was chasing after somebody who was still hung up on his ex-wife who had left him for a country singer.  You can't make this shit up. His last ex had used splenda' on the edge of margaritas so there was no salt. Since he was pretty cute and all I used that as an excuse to go to church and see him one more time where I was greeted with a very cold shoulder from he as a greeter, complete with silk shirt.  This is the very same church where the COC came to terms with women serving and it was a long time coming.  My bossfriend regularly serves communion and worships with her people.  I miss that.

Back in the day, she invited me to the new and improved version of that particular brand where you could wear shorts or jeans and not get frowned upon.  Ditto for the tattoos and life lessons.  When it becomes less about what is acceptable and more contingent on what God wants, everybody wins.  After all, He and Sophia are in charge.  At that particular church there was a real racial divide and I remember once a guy came and preached who mesmerized me with the words of Big Ernie.  There was no hellfire and brimstone and it was heavy on the gospels according to, um.  You know the drill.  I am a Christian  and have never been persecuted for my beliefs but it has not always been "thus and so" unless you count the countless terrorist attacks against our tribe.  If you believe in blood moons, now is a good time to stock up on bottled water.  Just saying.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Mama has this little keratosis looking thing on her forehead so after work I scooped her up from the home for a visit to an old friend for a look-see.  There were a couple of shots and a bit of freezing and voila!  Not even any stitches.  It was hot as hell and she took it like a champ.  When we got back the ladies were already gathering for pre-dinner conversation.  She got to eat lunch with Charley and Mo, so it was a full day.   Tomorrow is hair with Glenda.  She has spells in the morning according to the nurses but I think that's to be expected.  Waking up in a new place, even with your own stuff is hard.  

The doc who did Mom's procedure  had just moved to the 'burg with his wife and kids from San Diego, of all places, when I first met him.  Originally from MO, this couple and I became fast friends and so did our daughters.  When he first began practice here, the Rural Health Clinic concept was new and they tried it in Newbern.  His was the first office I knew that had an FNP on the front line.  And was in the early 90's.  Kenton worked the ER at Methodist which is probably how we got to be friends.  Any kind of ER doc who will listen to his peers is one that everybody will respect.  He learned to fly small aircraft from the same 96 year old woman who taught my brother.  Karma, man.  Sometimes it's not a bitch at all.  This guy  actually had a loft where he blasted Phil Collins for us.  Sweet.

It's hot and I'm over it.  Praying for a cool front and a day off ^j^


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

bump in the dark

 BG needed the (trusty) Camry today for business so I did my first ride solo in the BIG ass red truck in the dark.  It was parked behind so I did a shortcut through the yard behind the propane tank and boom...there it was.  It took me until I got to the driveway to figure our that it was an old bed spring I had thrown back there for the garden that never quite happened.  There is always next year.  The running board on driver's side fell off so the metal that held it was dragging the damn thing under the truck.  I almost had a heart attack over that one trying to get it pulled out and get to work.  Geez man.

Life is pleasantly boring right now which is Big Ernie's way of saying "Rest my child.  Things will get tougher still."  And then they did.  Mom and I talked and I was perhaps a little too honest in my joy at knowing she and Daddy are in safe and happy places and I can actually sleep at night without one eye open.  I could hear her voice turn and knew that it was time to go.  Besides, it's almost supper at the home.  She is so happy and content in a way that I've never known in my life.  She is her own person.

So here's my take on the presidential extravaganza.  Hillary is pretty screwed because *benghazi* but also because she has been pals with high dollar people over the years and protected their interests.  Yes, there are rich Dems too, just not as many.  Ben Carson looks good...not really rigid and a solid medical background.  So here's my dream ticket: Carson/Sanders in whatever order with Warren all up in the middle of everything....State Department maybe.  The potential for social change with a partnership like that could save us from becoming zombies. read it here first.

Soooo..sawmill is nice and uncrazy which I totally love but that's subject to change at any time.  Sometimes it all depends on what team is in place.   I still haven't posted a thank you note for their contribution to the buy Janie's groceries fund, but I will.  Heck I might just cook and invite 'em all over.  After I get it clean, that is. In the end, there is a certain release that comes from letting go of "things" because of sentiment and I should be an expert by now.