Tuesday, July 25, 2017

the corporate way

I will spare the details except to say that we have been left in purgatory between a director who knew it all to one who is on a learning curve.  As you can expect, there is a lot of confusion and we're all trying our best to figure things out as we go along.  It took two of us watching a video to change a piercer on an analyzer today but we got it done and now we know.  Other things have been a lot more hard to come by like support for the LIS.  My one go-to person is at our sister hospital in Jackson and she's been off for a couple of days so it's like banging your head on the wall to figure out what to do next.  I finally gave up on the test building and went to the vet's office.

Bubba called yesterday, knowing what a dog lover that I am, with a tip on a full blooded red and white border collie. I touched base with the vet's staff and they took my name and number.   I'm not really ready to handle another dog at this point but I would sure like to help place this one.  He's beautiful from the phone pic that I saw.  

More heat....and humidity.  I woke up this morning with a scratched arm thanks to Oscar's middle of the night freakout.  I've got it sterilized and wrapped because dude has sharp little claws and I have thin skin.  My t'shirt looked a bloody mess.  That's okay because I got a brand new demolibtard one in the mail today that I will wear with pride.  

I don't know if it's the heat or what, but my give a damn's busted.  I'm hoping lots of others will keep the faith for me while I regroup.  


Monday, July 24, 2017

the art of cat throwing

Here's the drill around here when Lily the bitch cat wants attention.  She cries and prowls.  I put food in her plate and she eats two bites.  One of the dogs eats the rest.  Even though she just ate she cries again because the bowl is empty.  When I don't do a quick refill she climbs on he back of the computer chair and claws the hell out of it.  After that she proceeds to knock stuff off the table to get my attention.  Rinse lather and repeat until I get tired of it.  That's when I risk life and limb, pick her up and throw her off the porch to land squarely on her feet as they tend to do.  This is a tedious exercise in futility which is only compounded by two dogs wanting in and out scratching on the doors.  I don't pitch them though.  Oscar would bite!

It was a Monday all.day.long.  Work is still a transition in progress which can be trying at times but then it usually is anyway, transition or not.  I just do the best I can while I'm there and go home and forget it.  That's the luxury of being a peon.  

My friend Sondra is gonna' be grandma any day now and Mitzi Lou brought some of her handmade with love creations for the baby boy.  I'm sure Reaves will get some too because Mitzi and Abby are all about the creating.  The shower invitation asks that everybody bring a book instead of a card.  What a cool idea!  Plus there's the headband making station.  I saw Mama Brock in Kroger yesterday and I'm sure she'll be there too.  One for all and all for Reaves and Lauren!  Since Heather is the hostess there will be no stupid games, thankyouverymuch.

I see hope and promise with this new life on the way.  It's an addition to the next generation of the Stafford family started by  my brother at the ripe old age of forty something.  We're looking toward making a nest here for the tribe.  That thrills me to death because I was afraid I was gonna' miss it.  

I have an appointment with the dentist on Friday and my loose crown didn't make it, coming off as I chomped on Cheetos the other day.  It left a sharp edge that's poking a hole in my cheek daily.  What I need is some of that wax you put on braces.  

Stay cool kids.  It's "only" 92 today and we got some rain yesterday evening.  Even though we haven't officially hit 100 it has felt like that for about two weeks now.  I think I got dehydrated because I had some killer leg cramps two nights in a row.  Those muscles are STILL sore.  

Lord how I miss the days when the children of the POTUS were growing up and learning history while living in the White House.  All the rats are jumping ship and I would be too.  This won't end well for anybody but I'll keep on dreaming of a better day where peace and love and rock'n'roll are front and center.


Saturday, July 22, 2017

the two year mark

Ginner passed away in January of 2015 long after her husband and two daughters. Next was Aunt Nancy in June who had been suffering with Alzheimer disease for years. Pnoler was found dead on father's day eve. We sat together at Curry's as a family honoring his life.  It was at Nancy's visitation that I ran over Daddy's foot with the Camry.  Dewey and Kay will never let me live that down.  Nick sang and it was a nice service with our little rag tag family hovering together.  I knew Daddy was sick at this point of the year but just not how badly.  He was admitted at the end of June with an acute hernia that ended up showing that he was eat up with infection from an earlier repair.  He died on August 4th under hospice care via Caris.  I will never forget my doc friends telling me to let him go after that long surgery that made him where he couldn't breathe.  It went on for a week in ICCU.

Pretty soon after that we moved Mom to Maple Ridge for assisted living.  She went in September, probably around Labor Day and we got her set up in one day.  We were in and out during UT football season Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Her hip snapped at the church right before Christmas and that was the beginning of the end.  She had the least invasive type of surgery on her osteoporitic hip and it was an epic fail.  Next was partial hip replacement.  Amazingly all went well with that until she developed a ruptured diverticulum that poisoned her body.  Back to Caris in January.  Without the usual COPD/CHF meds she lasted two days.  Tommy was with her when she passed.  "Don't let me hurt and don't leave me" she said.  

It was a lot to process at that time especially because I was being thrown under the bus at work.  I'm not sure why except for I was an easy target and didn't speak up.  Well, I did but the powers that be didn't listen.  During this entire time my co-workers did their best to respect my parents and honor them with their service.  Shit happens and people die. Compassionate care is what's up if you want to be real.  

cabin fever

We are currently experiencing days on end of 100 degree plus heat indexes which makes me want to hibernate just like in the dead of winter.  I am NOT a summer person any longer since global warming kicked in.  My brief outing this morning to the 'gentral and gas station were all it took to kick my ass and send me back inside to chill.  

I don't know about ya'll but I'm glad to see Spicey go even though whats'her'name is annoying too.  What really scares me is the new guy from Goldman Sachs.  WTF?  So our country is a business to be run by those who make huge campaign contributions to the orange one?  I'll refrain from a rant because it just sucks the life out of my soul.  This house of cards is about to fall and we will all suffer, including the ones of us who knew better than to vote for the idiot.  Of course it didn't help that Russia was all up in it.  

And so, I digress.  My photographer friend and I are trying to find a cool enough time to visit the magical sunflower field so he can do his thing and I can just get off on the colors.  He has a truck which is good because I don't think the Camry would survive that trip again.  

Chester's suicide moved me on many levels.  Our mental health system is so fractured as is healthcare in general that people who need and want help are many times at the mercy of a system that's based on....you guessed it.  Money.  If therapy were free, think about how many people would benefit.  It should be a piece of an affordable preventive health offering in whatever system we end up with along with cancer and diabetes screening.  There is no free wellness benefit at all with my insuror.  40 buck co-pay for anything and everything.  That doesn't sound like much but it adds up when you are a frequent flyer as we boomers are becoming.  

Today I am grateful for friends and family, a steady job and an air conditioned home.  I may not always agree with the friends family and job but I try to do the next right thing.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.  

Chill ~

Friday, July 21, 2017

dream a little dream

I have two recurring dreams that have gone away over the years.  One was of me taking a bath in a porcelain tub while the cabin burned.  The other I had forgotten about until yesterday's visit to the Lee place and the sunflower field.  Bubba told me they were in full bloom and facing east so I struck out in the Camry over about a mile of bumpy field road to see the sights.  Wade was busy planting and spraying ( still ) and I think I ran over his hose on the way out.  

I spotted the gold after awhile and pulled up to have a moment.  When I looked to the right, there was the Forked Deer levee and a memory of an old house and barn that used to sit back there. Dream #2 centered around that four story house which may or may not have existed.  There were doors up from each level and treasures like fine china on each and every stop.  Up top there was a roof where one could take in the river and the farming operations.  This place sat about one mile from Cotton's bar.  I guess it could have been a whorehouse or maybe just a hotel where river travelers stayed on the way from there to here and back.  My husband's grandfather was killed at Cotton's with a gunshot.  Daddy showed me the certificate many years ago after my marriage to James.

The loose crown just came off which will makes things easier for Dr. Young Jr. when I seek dental assistance next week.  I'm thinking dentures.  That will be the day after ultrasound/job interview/therapy session in Jackson.  It seriously takes a village. I got my not to worry stone back today and it's in my pocket so all is well.   

Anybody with a truck is welcome to help me transport baby hardware from here to there.  I'll pay for gas and lunch and all.  Holla.


Thursday, July 20, 2017


There's a whole bunch of folks that read my blog and I talked to one this morning at the sawmill that I never would have suspected until she told me how she enjoys it.  As she put it, I say a lot of the same things that she thinks about and it's a joy to read the words.  That was totally humbling.  

When I stopped by the chicken store Ashley made the statement that she felt "left behind" after the rapture because of the heat.  Days on end of 110 heat index is miserable at the very least and dangerous at its' worst.  Dehydration is common even in those who don't work outside.  My shoulder has been pain free since the steroid injection.  It's nice not to have that dull pain all the time and I will follow up with therapy by Gay.  

Last night's dinner was home grown yellow squash cooked in olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Yum!  Added a little rice to it and it was just the ticket for a hot day.  I have a non-worry stone that was given to me by Laura recently and I've carried it in my pocket off and on for days on end.  Yesterday a friend came to me deeply distressed about every little thing and when he left I passed it on to him to keep temporarily until the storm passed. He just told me it's still in his pocket.  The cross is a powerful gift.

And so...life goes on ^j^

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

loss after loss

Since I was in court all day yesterday I missed what was going on in real life.  I was shocked and saddened when I picked up yesterday's paper at work and read the obituary of my dear friend Louise.  She and Steve have been my buddies for years and years and we have daughters that played roudball together back in the day.  Joli stuck with it....Lauren could have cared less.  We were in the same SS class for years at FUMC and generally had a great friendship visiting each other on occasion for this or that.   Her daughter was killed when she was a young LPN by a drunk driver.  The kids have been with she and Steve off and on since then.  I will go to my grave remembering me, Daddy and Lauren going to Laura's funeral on Christmas Eve and it all seeming so unreal.  They established a nursing scholarship in her memory and ministered to the driver in prison after finding forgiveness because that's what Jesus would do.  Fine Christian people.  

I was running here there and yon at work today putting out fires and started hearing about a massive wreck on the interstate near the Lenox exit.  Another nice guy whom I knew through our "kids" was killed instantly as he drove a tractor mowing the sides of the roadway.  An 18 wheeler hit him and that driver is in critical condition.  

What is so odd about all of this is that it's a part of my day to day life just as it is for all other healthcare practitioners and emergency responders.  Most people never know that feeling or what it does to a soul.  Lauren was visiting a social work client a few years ago and ran upon a wreck where a young woman was thrown from her vehicle, surrounded by pictures of family and friends.  She was engaged and her wedding dress had been laid out on the bed in preparation.  Lauren stayed with her until EMS arrived and she barely had a pulse, but she wasn't alone.  That's when God sends us angels.  

Never get so busy that you take life for granted.  It's something that I have to practice day after day and sometimes minute by minute.  All is well with my soul and that's a peaceful feeling.  I try to keep it that way.  

Grief ~

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

another day in court

Today was my last call for jury panel A and I've been lucky until this morning's 9AM call for jury selection.  For a civil suit.  That is set to run for 2-3 weeks.  It is a medical malpractice case and I knew all the defendants from work plus everybody on the witness list that will be called.  Still, it took six hours for me to get excused.  The process is very VERY tedious and I actually felt sorry for the judge.  The jury box was full until challenges were turned in and 9 got dismissed.  That's when us stragglers got picked with panel B coming in right behind us.  Lerd.  

Me and my buddies Carter and Athena hung out and passed the time while waiting.  Carter's mama and I work together so I kept her posted by text.  It was hilarious!  People came and went...grumbled and shook hands.  Our justice system.  Gotta' love it. This is the first day I've gone all day without peeing in forever but by lunch break at 1:40 I had to eat and run so I stopped into Lucky Liquor and Tracy did me a favor of the ladies room.  I'm glad the trial won't keep me from Reaves' next ultrasound.

Baby face ~

Monday, July 17, 2017

out of nowhere

Today is my daddy's 85th birthday.  He celebrated his last one less than a month before he died, at a nursing home with a wound vac.  He was a very sick man for quite some time only we didn't know it.  It wasn't until a hernia got captured and sent him to the ER that we found that his FIRST hernia repair had become infected 30 years later.  The mesh was rolled up like a cigarette and poked a hole in his colon when it was removed along with a huge base of infection that had been percolating for a long time.  That explained the back pain which we assumed was arthritis.  My facebook memory today was a picture of him and his favorite border collie Rip.  I think that's what made me tune up.  

We were as busy as cats in a litter box at the sawmill.  Still transitioning to the new normal, every day presents an opportunity to learn something new, like it or not.  As if by angel messenger, BG called right about the time I began to sob at the bench.  I got lots of hugs and all I could say was that I was having "a moment."  They still come around now and then reminding me of the quick succession of loss that was 2015.  I am an orphan.  That feels strange still.

I decided that the shower and a trip to Memphis was way too much for one day so I'm passing on that particular bucket list item though I do so appreciate the offer from Jet's mom and dad.  Jet was one of Ryder's litter by Chester and he actually chose John as he stood back from the pack of puppies,  I love it when that happens.  

I still have a purple eye thanks to Oscar and got a steroid shot in my shoulder today to help with the dull pain that plagues me.  My advanced practice nurse was thrilled to hear the story about how her mother and grandma came out randomly one day looking for where Ms Mary used to live when she was a child.  They went on to meet my parents and Mozella and everyone had quite the time talking history.  

Little Bit has been off on sick leave so we haven't talked her home to Jackson in awhile.  Today was that day.  I hope she enjoys that new pavement in Crockett county.

Peace and love ~

Sunday, July 16, 2017

bucket list dilemma

I've seen James Taylor numerous times and actually gave away a couple of tickets one time to a father son duo.  The last ones I bought were purchased from me by Leigh and Pete.  I dream big but rarely come through.  Anywho......my friends Beth and John have FOUR tickets to the FedEx show featuring JT and Bonnie Raitt whom I've never seen in person.  Both are my heroes.  Here's the rub, though.  Number one is that I have no reliable transportation. Number two is it's the same day as Lauren's shower.  Now grant you the shower is at 2 and the concert at 7:30.  Once I turned down a free ticket to see what was my final chance to see The Eagles live in St. Louis.  I had to work the next day.  Tommy took his sister instead and they loved it.

I'm not big on crowds anymore.  They make me nervous and it's hard to get around all those bodies to the potty when you pee as much as I do.  Getting old is not for sissies.  I know now for sure why glucosamine chondroitin was a constant fixture in my parents' house.  

My friend BJ has been a diabetic for 27 years.  I remember when she was diagnosed because she got REALLLY skinny what with all that burning of the body mass.  She's gone from shots to pumps and usually does well but has been fighting with our insurance company about the type of insulin they will cover.  According to them she can only have brand X when it has caused her to have seizures.  Something sent her into an episode the other day and I've never heard her sound like that before.  Scared the shit out of me.  She had used an extra 14 units to get the sugar down and then was out.  Any one of us would have clocked out to go pick it up but she wasn't thinking straight. So there she goes to the drug store all ass kicked and everything to pick up what keeps her alive.  I talked with her yesterday and she's much better.  Y'all..i was skeered to death for her.  

I've gotten some rest this weekend but not been too lazy.  I don't consider computer time wasted because I enjoy it.  My prayer is that my talents will make some money via the innerwebs unless the FCC shuts us down.  Time will tell.  I never thought I'd say high five to Ted Cruz but damn if he didn't throw out a mighty fine amendment to the GOP healthcare bill.  Right now there is a pissing match going on over Medicaid and poor McCain is having surgery so it is what it has been.  With Medicaid expansion states would be more able to serve the uninsured which are the cause of high costs....well partly.  That's where the HCA failed.  It's a good plan but mandating that you enroll is like telling a 2 year old no when he asks for a candy bar.  It should be a choice, and an attractive one with reasonable deductibles and co-pays.  

Y'all stay cool.  Looks like another scorcher.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

post visitation

I picked up some chicken this morning while out making the rounds and went by to see Mozella's peeps Helen and Yvonne.  They shared funeral details with me and gave me some copies of the program as we talked about our shared history here on the farm.  Yvonne's little dog Smoochie didn't like me being there but she got over it pretty quick.  They are exhausted from days on end of family and loss.  I know the feeling.

We had a random monsoon yesterday which soaked my little straw bale plot pretty good.  There won't be any more for awhile according to Weather Underground.  Of course yesterday's was only a 20% chance so you just never know.  I have baby green tomatos and tons of squash blossoms.  Oh, and cucumbers and basil and rosemary.  

Oscar is a little barky terrier that we rescued from the crazy ex-neighbors who had been abusing him.  He's pretty easy going unless you bump him when he's asleep and then he tends to go nuts.  He and Sam both sleep with me and usually to my back.  Somehow Oscar ended up in my face and when I moved the other night he went into PTSD mode and hit my eyelid with a tooth.  I look like somebody punched me in the eye!  This too shall pass.  

Baby Reaves is still perking along and getting lots of cooked sushi.  Next ultrasound is on a day off for me so hopefully I'll be there to see her live and on screen.  There's a shower coming up at Nanny's house and that should be lots of fun.  Heather the creative has planned a headband making station so that Reaves will have hand made gifts.  

I have no clean towels so it's laundry time.  Y'all enjoy your weekend and keep the faith ^j^

Friday, July 14, 2017

too little too late

I had every intention of meeting Mozella's family at the burial grounds but work ran over and it wasn't in the cards. I see her house every day when I leave and come back home.  It's the end of an era for a lot of us.  Gerald is the elder now.  

Against all odds a miracle happened at work.  I don't question it, but instead say thanks to Big Ernie.  Not to be lulled into a false sense of security or anything but I do believe it might work after all.   We shall see....one day at a time.


Thursday, July 13, 2017

in a nutshell

It was a long day kids and they're beginning to run together which is never good for clear thinking.  I'm beginning to see why the deer came to see me recently.  Full moon notwithstanding there's been  a lot of drama lately.  I am too old and tired for that plus it's hot as hades out there.  I don't even care if the garden makes it at this point.  Lerd, I hate to sweat.  

On today's alternate work assignment I was blessed with none other than Pat and Tony, old friends from way back.  A Porsche driving drug rep brought lunch for the staff all the way from Memphis.  The volunteers showed up with cookies and doughnuts.  It's a part of my work history that has brought many more blessings than I could ever imagine possible including Diane Guthrie Roberts.  Of course we worked together back in the day at Parkview  

I got an invitation for a very special baby shower honoring my daughter and grandgirl to be.  We talked this morning while I was at work about life in general and today's drama in particular.  The short story is it ain't pretty.  Let us pray for the next right thing and manifest peace.

Marla cut my hair and it's cute if I say so myself. It had gotten wayyyy too long and was in a cli 24/7.  Then I went for APN orthopedic visit only to reschedule because you have to have an xray first.  Alrighty then.  Monday it is.  

As Ms. Frances Yarbro would say " carry on young people "

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

mozella b

I started work at Parkview Hospital in 1977 and my neighbor Mozella worked there too along with my grandmother and Yaya and a whole bunch of others.  Mozella worked in central supply where all the sterilizing of surgical instruments took place in autoclaves.  A few of our former pathologists loved her to death and everybody else did too.  Dr. Palacios was her favorite.  

I grew up on the same farm where she lived after moving here in 1946 as Earl's bride.  "Now chile" she would say.  Her home was always dark and full of tiny little rooms.  I remember going to visit Earl when he was dying of pancreatic cancer.  His eyes were yellowish orange and he was miserable.  Ronnie died last year of the same disease.  Aunt Moz has been in and out of the hospital and rehab for about three months.  She passed away Friday at the ripe old age of 95 and I know right where she'll be buried.  My plan is to show up after work. Speaking of which....I do so love my job even though it can be challenging what with the profit motive.  That doesn't set well with me as a spiritual type person.

Unicorns and rainbows kids ^j^

Monday, July 10, 2017

plan c

A lot has happened in the last week and my flexibility has been put to the test in a lot of areas.  What matters to me most at this point is my daughter and granddaughter and we had a lovely two night visit, me at the sawmill and she sleeeping.  She cleaned and cooked dinner and enjoyed the quiet and the critters.  They miss her like I do.  

We headed out to Jackson this morning and passed that same paving crew around Bells only today it was about 5 degrees hotter and there were 12 of those suckers steaming along.  I had every intention of making each appointment that I had on the books but things change and you go with the flow.  They will get tended to in due course.  I need some chill time.

That being said, let the chillaxing begin.  

Sunday, July 9, 2017


We all know how pregnant women get their minds on a certain food and just MUST have it.  Lauren called me at the sawmill today while I was on an "alternate" work assignment asking that I pick up some homegrown 'maters from a stand on the way home.  No problem.  There are two that I pass every day on 51.  Only they were closed.  My work peeps had a couple cut up for sandwiches at lunch and Kay told me there were a few slices left.  We went looking for them and found an empty plate all washed up and in the dish drainer!  It's not just pregnant women that love those things.  I don't like them, but for folks who do they're like crack.  

I pulled my first crookneck squash today and turned on the redneck waterhose sprinkler because it's H.O.T.  I actually felt sorry for that crew out there on 412 laying tar yesterday so that my ride to and from Jackson is less bumpy.  If Madison county would get with it, we'd be in good shape.  

I watched in awe today as the team of which I am part did their jobs.  If any one of us failed to try our best in any given situation somebody's life is at stake.  We have our share of the elderly and I must say that the little old man I met today was a delight.  Reminded me of my daddy only nicer.  

Rachel Townsend and I began a conversation a couple of years ago about something totally related to what she published today in the State Gazette.  I have two copies and it's all over the interwebs.  She carefully crafted the story of our community and asked for details when she needed them.  I didn't have them all but knew people who did.  It was amazing that during the time she was working on the story we met others who were a piece of the puzzle like Mary and Martha and Hub's friends with the ashes.  

Circle of life ~

Saturday, July 8, 2017

living dangerously

My cousin Debbie always accused me of not being able to do something spontaneous, meaning drive to KY to see her.  Lauren and I went a couple of times and there was a hot tub and a lecture plus giant schnauzer puppies in a box in the den.  

I worked today and got an extreme emergency call from BG and Reaves saying they needed some time at home.  My co-workers were pretty gracious about letting me go pick them up.  We were visited by my very first lab boss, Sammy.  I think he wanted to know what's up with us because we no longer have work to keep us together.  In spite of my best efforts at lining up appointments on precision for my one day off, I'm here at the house with my girls and dinner in the oven.  They're watching Fred and I'm blogging.  It's what we do.  

I love my job.  I was called to be a professional for consumers in the healthcare system where it's mighty hard to know what's going on in this day and time of sketchy stuff.  If you don't have an advocate of some kind, you're screwed.  Sometimes it's depressing to think about the whole deal but then I always remember that do no harm thing.  It keeps me going.

Sup in Germany?

Friday, July 7, 2017

bless our hearts

I could tell you all about how life isn't fair and rant but I won't because it wears me out.  Meanwhile all the angry folks run around plotting revenge.  WTF ever.  I just want to do my job and come home to sleep with the itchy dogs.  When I get a raise I'm gonna' take them to the vet and we'll all sleep better.  

I've got sawmill duty this weekend because life isn't fair it's my turn.  Y'all don't come to the ER please.  We need to do some strategic planning.  Being in limbo like we are is sort of scary.  I'm making the most of it by exploring other opportunities.  

So anyways, y'all enjoy the weekend and think about us up there saving lives and doing good while y'all are hunting and fishing and swimming.  I actually got my first hug from Robert Chapman today on his last at the job.  I missed his party because I was off.  We exchanged phone numbers and he explained he does better with text.  I can relate.  

Relax ~ 

Thursday, July 6, 2017


I've been out and about today visiting with friends at their workplaces. One idea led to another and a vision became clear in my little not so blonde head that I have a calling, so to speak. There are several minds working on the project so I feel sure it will happen.  Big Ernie did not intend for me to be stressed out.  
There's still more laundry and I'm procrastinating as usual. The air is so juicy we could have multiple thunderstorms at a moment's notice.  Typical July in Tennessee.  My squash has gone wild and the cucumbers too.  Maters?  Not so much.  They're not even really blooming.  Everything else is just giving up the ghost except for the nasturtiums in a pot by the porch.  My neighbors brought me food by four wheeler again on the 4th which is always a treat.  The kids were loving being free and wild on a short leash.  That's the way childhood should be.  Rachel is putting the finishing touches on the Samaria Bend piece and it's an excellent read.  She also has a gallery of pictures from our visit that day.  

As for me and my life?  Something has gotta'give ^j^

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

happy shit

I don't know about y'all but I'm ready to concentrate on the upside of life.  The way I figure it I have about 20 years left of a decent quality of life.  After that it's to the nursing home for me.  I'm hoping that all the kindness I spread around over those 40 years will come back to me at the end.  I am tied to a job with a corportion that is traded on Wall Street.  Most of them are that way, truth be told.

I saw not one but TWO deer waiting for me when I left the house this morning, right before I got to the dairy barn.  I remember seeing some of them both times I drove to the hospital to tend to my dead parents and that brought me comfort in an odd sort of way.  It was a long day at the sawmill and it's raining like a monsoon again.  

So, back to the happy shit.  Lauren has a couple of baby showers coming up one of which is at Nanny's house on August 5th.  It's like 5000 square feet and to die for beautiful.  Heather and Joe got married there and I scattered rose petals along their walkway.  There was live post nuptial entertainment provided by none other than Chris Moody and his mobile DJ setup.  Photo booth and everything.  Many kegs and I left early. She and Joe are now the proud parents of AJ who is several months old and cute as hell.  Both of them are back to work and trying to get the routine down of work plus work plus baby.  That's a tough one for two, much less one.  

My friend Rachel, the ultimate storyteller will be publishing a piece soon about the history of our farm.  There's a whole 'nother story up in there about how we came to be friends.

Be faithful ~


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

on being free

God Bless America, Land that I love.  We are in what Chelsea Handler would call a hot mess.  The monkeys are running the circus and we're all out here just praying that The Hunger Games doesn't happen in OUR lifetime.  Remember the last time we had an actor for POTUS? Yeah.  That.  This country was built by immigrants from all over the world and stolen from the Native Americans.  Slaves were brought over from Africa to help with the farming.  When the northern states decided that was enough of that there was a big war that divided the country.  And then he got shot in a theater by you know who.  

I do not understand bigotry, hatred and evil.  I know that they are from the devil, so to speak.  When I see somebody like that I usually just throw up a prayer for them and continue to be my little old liberal ass self.  I catch myself using politically correct ethnic terms these days.  It's respectful to another person's culture.  Some of our lessons at the hospital cover just that sort of patient care barrier.  We have nurses who translate.  Many times the staff is targeted in racist ways by rednecks who don't know any better.  I just walk away from that because you can't fix generations of stupid.  

Coming back to current day and time I must say that I never thought I'd see the day that corporate wouldn't care about the worker bees.  Our immediate supervisor is gone and her boss has inherited a huge understaffed mess.  Just bless his heart is all I can say.  

It was a little too damp for the fireworks yesterday so I've got some left to blow up in honor of being a rebel.  Just because I can ^j^

Monday, July 3, 2017

let freedom ring

Well you just never know what a day is gonna' bring.  I was fairly well rested and showed up on time.  We worked and talked and worked some more.  Our cafeteria is closed most of the time on holiday long weekends so we shared food from home.  A normal holiday eve in paradise.  Martha brought me some sand from Key West to go with the Orange Beach, Gulf Shores and Hilton Head samples.  All are proudly displayed on the bench.

I began to work as an MT in 1977 following my graduation from UTCHS in the Allied Health program.  At that time the program was three years of pre-reqs and one hell year at UT with rotations at various Memphis hospitals to learn phlebotomy abd the basics like processing blood in the basement of John Gaston.  With Eva Quinley and Camille Pridgen :)  Brenta Davis was our fearless leader.  She became politically involved in trying to gain recognition and respect for the lab.  The world was wide open to us clinical laboratory scientists!

Pathologists are the ones who oversee clinical laboratory operations and histo and cyto and such.  We once had two people in that department and our core lab absorbed the loss of those FTEs by attrition.  The decision was made to outsource the tissue path to a lab in Memphis which is where our processing man hours come in.  

Anyway, my bossfriend decided to hang up the lab coat so it was kind of umm...a different day.  We got it done but it was  sorta like walking around at a wake in a daze.  The entire team came together via technology to hear the news.  There were stunned looks and more than a few tears.  We carried on as usual just as the team does when their leader makes a good decision.  Whatever comes next is not our problem.  

Other than that it's all unicorns and rainbows.  Mamye dropped off some roman candles and sparklers so I could have  a happy Independence Day eve.  My dinner last night was squash baked with olive oil, garlic pepper and balsamic vinegar.  O.M.G.  The more that my focus turns toward being creative rather than a worker bee, the better my soul feels.  I just accept it as karma for always trying to do the the next right thing.  

Sunday, July 2, 2017

a day off without pay

I am still munching on the asian salad from Bus Stop Cafe with a side of brisket.  That shit is to die for.  My friend and I visited several places in Dyersburg today and found it to be quite hot.  She helped me get the stove back together and got her car fixed.  All is well with the world at the moment.  We bought squash corn and soap before I ran out of money.  She told me that to be a USDA certified market that accepts EBT cards you have to have a special machne and evidently ours doesn't have one thus you pay cash.  I don't know about y'all but I'd much rather have my tax dollars going toward fresh food rather than sugary soft drinks.  Just saying.

Ryan showed up while we were killing time to do the yard so we listened to the mowers and weedeaters hum for an hour or two, checking our phones in silence and just "being,"  While we were eating lunch I got a call that the phone said was Ryan.  Okay then  he's working on the yard so I expected to hear his voice when I answered.  "Is your back door open, I've got you some eggs from the girls".  Um.  Yep, only it didn't sound like Ryan at all though I knew the voice.  It took me until today to figure out what I had done.  Patrick wanted Ryan's number to hire him for mowing and when I sent the number it MERGED their numbers in my phone   Yeah I know....here's my sign.  I will soon get the neighbor back in his proper area code.  

I slept for 14 hours and had to make myself get up because.....grocery shoppng.  Before I went I visited Gigi and found her well.  We went through all her meds and Googled them and talked about how fortunate she is to be alive.  It takes a village you know.

Several friends of mine went to a family reunion yesterday and had a ball doing what folks do when they get together for the 4th.  Last night one of that family died suddenly leaving them all in shock this morning.   Prayers all around for that tribe.  Amy has lost a lot of folks lately just like I did.  It takes a toll on your spirit.  

Live love and laugh as if each day were your last.  It just might be.


Saturday, July 1, 2017

up and at 'em

For some reason my eyes popped open early this morning so I just went with it and got up.  At the chicken store I noticed Bubba ( and Sally, of course ) gassing up so I got some quality time with them.  It doesn't take us long to catch up but Sally needed some extra love before going to the vet.  She has absolutely the sweetest spirit of any animal I've ever known and is so well trained she goes to just the right spot on the tailgate to get her head rubs.  As I was coming down Samaria Bend behind them, I spotted a deer run across a bean field and through a tree line.  When I stopped to watch him he was still as a mouse waiting for me to pass on by.  Early morning outings are their favorite.  

I found a big fat tomato worm on the biggest of my plants and he had already consumed two limbs so he got removed and the dust went on.  Those things give me the creeps.  I don't usually get comments on the blog site so when I do I look pretty closely because evidently some terrorists in Turkey use my blog as a secret site to set up meetings.  I'm not playing, y'all.  DELETE to all you folks in Ankara at the VR cafe.  

Here it is almost Independence Day already and it was just Easter, seems like.  The longest day of the year has passed which means we're headed toward fall slowly but surely.  I can't "see" it yet like me and Mama did, but I will and I'll remember us calling each other to report on the progression of summer which we both disliked due to an intolerance for the heat of a Tennessee July.  There will be fireworks and BBQ everywhere by tradition.  I probably need to stop at one of the tents and pick up a few roman candles and sparklers like I did for the new year.

Time for me to do something productive I suppose.  The luxury of waking up slowly with no agenda is something that I do not take for granted what with all those 6AM reportings to the sawmill.  I cannot fathom not having to go there everyday to pay the bills but I'm trying my best to manifest it!!

 Keep the faith ^j^

Friday, June 30, 2017


This has been about the longest week of my life since I was waiting for Christmas as a five year old.  Mama was a master at whipping us up into a frenzy over baby jeebus being born in the manger somewhere in the middle east.  She loved the holidays and made them special.  

Last fall during pecan season Mamye and I discovered the Old Camp peach pecan variety of whiskey thanks to the folks at Lucky Liquor.  Their store is small and has atmosphere like nobody's business.  Tracy is a singer like you wouldn't believe and she and Michelle have created a little community of customers over there that are loyal and off the beaten path.  Their store sits right next to Casey's and where the Planation Inn used to be.  Raise your hand if you remember our first decent motel.  It had a pool y'all!

So did the Holiday Inn at the corner of 78 and 51.  Later it became a Best Western and BG worked there doing the graveyard shift while she commuted to UT Martin pursuing a social work degree.  There were some high roller investors in the hotel who all pulled out and sold to CVS.  They had a cool bar called The Bull and the Bear.  That's where I met Cassie and Olivia and Brittany.  Lauren told me that duck hunters from Reelfoot would bring their kill in and clean 'em in the tubs which created quite a plumbing problem for other guests.  Gotta love rednecks. Anyway, that's how Lily came into our lives.  Bracken was the manager at the hotel and Lily was Sandye's kitten who clung ti her shoulder.  Lauren got her fixed and she became our one and only following many years of feral activity and fleas in the basement. 

The way I see it we're pretty much fucked right now with a POTUS who never knows when to quit tweeting.  That the media is buying into this shit and making money off of it makes me literally sick.  Sarah Huckabee?  Seriously.  You will be the next character on SNL. At least we still have some sort of healthcare infrastructure, Medicaid notwithstanding.  The key to wellness is good nutrition, exercise and preventive health and fun in moderation unless you get a chance to laugh like a hyena then go for it.  

Nobody's watching.  

Thursday, June 29, 2017

walking barefoot

One of the first things I noticed about Gay's MFR technique is that she always does it without shoes.  Her bare feet are anchored in just the right way to catch the energy and transfer it.  Like a hairdresser, she listens to people tell their dirty little secrets and keeps them private because ...HIPPA.

My day at work was full of pleasant surprises as usual and I left there for a follow up with derm guy who was packed OUT.  Wendy looked at me sideways when I said I'd reschedule.  I mean gah...I had to meet Kevin so he could fix the igniter on the oven!  The story of how he came back into my life 20 years later is epic.  And very Methodist.

Lauren is swollen and itchy like the rest of us only she's pregnant and can't take meds.  I remember "allergic rhinitis of pregnancy" like it was yesterday.  And the misery of an August and September haul..  Let's all hold hands and sing kumbaya.  I have a breakfast date on Saturday with Lorna while her car is being serviced.  Can't. Wait.  Farmer's market perhaps?

Y'all have a happy ladies night :)

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

here's your sign

Sometimes the sheer stupidity of people just overwhelms me, especially when I'm in line waiting.  I'm not talking the clerks, mind you though they can be pretty simple at times. Oh no....I'm talking about the rednecks who want to quibble over the price of a plate lunch at a gas station with one vegetable instead of two.  This woman bitched and griped about the entire thing while the rest of us schmucks looked tiredly on.  If she could have heard what those clerks with the multicolor braids said about her after she left, it would have been a brawl for sure.  

Yesterday I was merging from Highway 78 onto 51 South which is usually not a stop but all lanes of traffic were moving south and I had to stop.  There was one of those big ass trucks with flags proclaiming OVERSIZE load like the escorts use only this guy didn't have any kind of load behind him.  He almost slammed into the back of me and then proceeed to lay on the horn until I just pulled over to the shoulder to let him fly.  Still, not escorting a thing but hauling ass at about 80 down the highway with flags flying.  My guess is that he was LATE for an appointment and decided to show out a bit to improve his time. 

Please continue to pray for Gigi as she recovers from a near death experience, literally.  She is currently reclining in her master suite with the seriously cool tub and shower.  Only the best for her.  She doesn't remember any of the almost dying part which is good.  My friend Peter the Aussie is currently receving palliative care down yonder but his son is keeping all his friends updated on the state of things.  He's like Hoss and Jim and Joe.  My internet boyfriends!

It is amazing to me that we have the ability to stay connected worldwide via the internet yet we can't figure out how to provide decent affordable healthcare.  It's all based on making money.  Pharma reps, particularly in oncology, are infamous for feeding the front line troops in exchange for a five minute chat with the doctor about their product.  

Nat came to work today sporting a french braid and I asked her to do mine.  It's thin but long so it turned out pretty cute for an hour or two.  Now it's coming unraveled.  

Keep moving forward and do the next right thing.


Tuesday, June 27, 2017

teach your children well

I don't have the credits in education theory to certify me as such but I have always loved seeing somebody have an ahha moment when they get it.  It could be rocket science or blood compatability or a lucky shot with a badass camera.  Perhaps in words and the sharing of stories.  Anything creative is attractive to my current mood.  

Lorna and I just had a long chat about the history of NASA and who we knew from the Cape.   Mom and Daddy were best friends with Dick and Peggy Bruce.  Peg's sister Bonnie was married to Don Peterson one of the last of the Apollo team.  She went with them to Florida for the launch and kept that picture on the wall until we took it down after she died.  Gus Grissom.  Roger Chaffee.  I wrote a letter to all of them following the inferno that kept them from exploring space. Krista was the one who got me.  A freaking schoolteacher in a space ship being launched by the United States.  They all died and according to Lorna there was a giant white Y over the Florida coast when it happened.   

I hope that you and yours are well and peaceful.  As for me I have an appointment for therapy in a couple of weeks and I must say it's way past due.  Kevin came by to check out my oven and it needs a new igniter so all the pieces are sitting on the porch waiting for EZ off.  Love ya.  Mean it.  

Monday, June 26, 2017

alrighty then

Evidently grief makes a good read because I got a lot of response to yesterday's soul sickness.  It was fleeting and powerful and took me to another place if just for a morning.  Friends came by and kept company with me on the porch and it was a nice Sunday after all even though I.....never mind.  That's another story.

I came home from work and began to unwind when I heard the dogs barking and found the Agresta family in my driveway ready to record a movie on the IPad.  I think it's set in the 1800s and they did a tour of the basement and such which I wouldn't DARE go to right now.  No snakebites so it's good.  Now they're scoping out the barn.  The videographer is none other than Conner the mischievous middle schooler.  We are family by choice and I will never forget when he had a "difficult" birth and his Mama got blood from the trauma.  After he was born he had to get growth hormone injections and I taught Anna and Steve how to give them.  I'm "almost" a nurse, you know.  Their family still supports our local blood program any chance they get.  

Last year BG and Heather and I had planned a weekend getaway in Nashvegas and I bought some sessions at Serenity Salt Cave from Groupon which we let expire.  They were kind enough to let me trade that expired merchandise for a baby monitor for Reaves.  Wonders never cease.   

When I stopped at the chicken store I got an earful of GD from some rednecks having a fit in a van parked by the door.  Take it AWAY idiots.  I almost called the law but realized they're busy catching car thieves.  

Marvelous Monday indeed ~

Sunday, June 25, 2017


This morning I was missing my parents an awful lot and I hate going to the graveyard because I know they're not there.  Instead I chose to wander around the cabin up and down the steps that I've climbed a million times in my life.  The walls are gone upstairs and it's one big open space which is gorgeous.  As I wandered around looking through the windows that I crawled out of as a teenager, memories came flooding back.  

There was a huge attic fan in the window when we were little and us kids slept up there.  I can still see it in my mind and feel the breeze.  We played musical bedrooms as the years went by and at one time the entire family slept upstairs so we could have a den in addition to the living room.  Both of my parents snored like a freight train and they were right outside my door.  Sometimes I'd cover my head with a pillow just to shut out the noise.  

Tommy had the little cubby of a room with the slanted ceiling until I left for college then he promptly took my space.  They painted it a hideous dark blue and had to have a do-over because it was so bad.  The kitchen is where most of the action took place because my mama was a cook like you wouldn't believe.  This time of year there was fresh produce from daddy's garden and she would cook what we called "red faced suppers" where she would sweat in that tiny kitchen with every eye on the stove full plus cornbread in the oven.  

The real beauty is in the living room where all the walls are original logs and the ceilings gleaming cypress, all cut from the farm.  My favorite picture is of me and my dousins Donna and Katherine Anne sitting on the back porch steps with a puppy.  That was before the porch got closed in and a den added onto the back.   The fence is gone now, but once upon a time my Ky cousin Debbie kicked our horse in the wrong place and he took off with her as Jimbo jumped through the wire to rescue her fallen self.  

I remember swinging a little bit too high and getting the breath knocked out of me when I hit the ground.  That was a scary thing for a kid.  Daddy built us a treehouse in the persimmon out front and we had loads of fun with that even "camping" out on occasion.  Back then I didn't worry about snakes and such....it was just all about the adventure.

There was a long white wooden fence across the yard that had to be painted ever so often and that job got passed among all three kids according to who was willing.  The strawberry patch right next to us was a cash cow for the three of us one year when we stood there and collected dimes from people who picked their own.  One day I was playing in the ditch by the road and my beagle Nosey was laying in the middle of the road resting on a hot summer day.  A drunken farmer ran over and killed her right in front of my eyes.  

There was always somebody getting stuck or stranded out there and our house got the bulk of cries for help.  One night Daddy went to the door to find a very drunk man wanting help and when we heard a big thud Mama screamed to high heaven "Billy!!!"  We thought for sure he'd been attacked.  Being the good soul that he was he got the man unstuck and he was on his way to wherever.  

I am an orphan now.  Even at the age of 61 that's a very sad feeling yet I keep calling back the memories and know that they are with me in spirit.  I can still see my Daddy coming through the back door in coveralls on a wintry Christmas Day for breakfast after checking on the cows and calves, often delivering them with a chain.  There was a chicken house for a little while but that went away after I got flogged.  

I wouldn't trade my heritage for all the tea in China and I feel blessed that my own daughter was raised in the same idyllic setting making biscuits with her MeMaw and riding on the tractor with Grandaddy.  I so wish they could be here to see Reaves when she is born.  


Saturday, June 24, 2017

new tricks

I was out and about this morning and stopped by the ATT store with a couple of questions one of which was why I couldn't receive texts from Bubba.  He can text me and we can call each other but his texts to me repeatedly don't arrive.  About five minutes with Nick showed me that I had inadvertantly sent a message from him to spam.  Mystery solved.  He also explained to me ( again ) how to upload those 900 pictures to the Google cloud so that they don't use up space on the phone.  That, as it turns out, is a very lengthy process the first time around.  I should probably wait and do that on somebody elses wifi since I can't get my home to connect with the phone.  I am IT stupid other than the basics.  

My friend Regina is out of intensive care but has a long road in front of her recovery wise.  She was as we say "dyin' sick".  By the grace of God her sister and brother in law checked in on her just in the nick of time to get her to ER for treatment.  A few more hours and she would have been gone.  Family members are with her around the clock urging her to be still and heal which is not easy for her.  She is confused and has no idea how she got where she is.  My heart aches for all of them.  

Since it's cooler I decided to tackle a few weeds in the asparagus bed and gave up pretty quickly because they're six feet tall.  Hopefully the asparagus will survive in that jungle to come back next spring.  I've resigned myself to having just a couple of squash and tomato plants for all that work.  Maybe next year.  

I've made it through 3 weeks of jury duty with no call in so I'm halfway through with that.  Note to self last night was :  "Call TJ"  Car thief is still in jail and his charges probably went to the grand jury last week.  I'm assuming he's either mentally ill or an addict or both because he did a lot of stupid stuff for not much personal gain.  Once again I give a big high five to the IT and security departments at the sawmill and also the DPD.  This guy who have been thieving for weeks was caught within 24 hours of taking my car.  

Have a lovely weekend y'all.  

Friday, June 23, 2017

with a whimper

Cindy passed through West Tennessee this morning with heavy rain but not the 5 inches predicted....only 2.5.  While that's not great for a crop right now, it could have been much worse.  Now the frogs are happily singing in the pond out back by the barn.  

I just erased an entire paragraph which means it's time to commence with the weekend eve and do something different.  Like sleep for 12 hours!  

All is well ^j^

Thursday, June 22, 2017

rain rain go away

Everybody is getting their fair share of it and I watched the radar this morning planning our trip to Jackson between downpours, or so I thought.  It was smooth sailing all the way there and I stopped in Friendship on the way back to see my old buddy Jim at his equipment place.  Me and the dog shared a chair while we got caught up on things and visited.  His wife works there too so I got to chat with her as well.  Win-win!  

As I headed to the car the heavens opened up and the bottom fell out. I feel much safer in all road conditions now that I have new tires.  It's only by the grace of God I didn't have something bad happen prior to that what with all the road trips this past year.  Thankfully I have good friends who have helped with rides.  

Lauren can feel Reaves moving but I can't yet.  Neither of us slept much because we both snore ( and I didn't know that I do) but it was good to share a bed with the dogs anyway.  I have refrained from saying much about my sick friend out of respect for her privacy.  She has turned the corner and is awake and recognizes folks which is a miracle.  Thanks to all of you who prayed for her recovery from meningitis.  Scary.Stuff.  There were four girls in that family and I became an honorary sister many years ago at the pool.  I'm sure there was probably a baptism or something!

Time to wander~

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

ready for the storm

Lorna and kids got limited to only two days at the beach before the storm started brewing.  It had been forming for days and decided to hit full force yesterday.  What follows will be heavy rain for a wide swath of the southeastern US over the next three days.  And Lord, how I hate to drive at all much less in the rain.  It's not scheduled to start until abut 4 tomorrow which will give me time to get Lauren back home.   Thank you SKJ for covering my shift.  

I never watch TV so hearing it as background noise is kinda' strange.  We did some dinner prep together, chatted and went out separate ways to do our own things like old times.  It's comfortable and healthy.  She said she just needed to be home a minute.  There is still no nursery so the living room will remain full until that happens.  Long story.  

Work was full of surprises today including a chance to hug my sweet Tristi and sing a little Bruno Mars together.  My friend is still very sick and my heart aches at thinking of that unstoppable spirit being in that predicament.  She's a Lake county girl and we all know they're tough as nails.  Once upon a time she and her cousin and I went for a ride in her convertible down a dirt field road to her homeplace at Tennemo.  It was like Thelma and Louise, y'all.  

Oh, and if you forget your umbrella?  Just dance in the rain :)

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

let your hair down

My hair is the longest it's been in FOREVER so it's normally up in a clip because I shower at night and it's a mess in the mornings.  Today  I showed up with hair down around my shoulders and a few people had to look twice to identify me.  It was in the clip before lunch BTW.  

My honorary sister is very very sick and en route to a Memphis hospital.  We've known each other for years and years and I'm the one who told her she was pregnant!  She loves telling that story.  Please lift her up.  Her family and I stood around the isolation room exchanging phone numbers (again) and the plan was about to be executed as we said goodbye.  

BG should be on the way to Casa Poops with Reaves in utero and the bag she always carries for an overnighter.  I can't wait until she sees all that loot in the living room.  Poor Lorna is getting rained on mightily down there in Appalach with two kids and a tent.  I'm assuming they're on Plan B or C.  

Over and out~

Monday, June 19, 2017

forward motion

I stayed up late and slept late which is a win for me these days.  I'm usually in the bed by 8 and up at 5.  I had breakfast with some friends at Daylight Doughnuts which is where I took my parents every Sunday after church.  It was the first time I'd been back and I felt their presence.  Red is still there and Dani and of course Rita.  Cyndi and I watched a gorgeous little chunk of a baby girl sitting with her Mim and having a ball.  It hit me in the face that I would be doing that soon!  The little girl's father went to school with Lauren and we caught up on his life via grandma.  

I went by to see Mozella before that and found her comfy and lucid.  She knew me and remembered that Bubba was there yesterday.  I met her niece whom I had never known about so I guess it's true that everybody comes together in the end.  The mayor was sporting a silver bow today.  "Yes chile...I love you."

We had a monsoon yesterday but it drained off pretty quickly because it was dry.  The humidity had dropped by this morning so I was pleasantly surprised to walk out the door and find I could breathe.  There is nothing more miserable to me.  Time to be productive.  Y'all play nice and pay it forward, always.


Sunday, June 18, 2017

who's yo daddy?

My daddy was a self made man who grew up as the son of a sharecropper during the Great Depression.  He had three sisters and they were all as different as night and day.  The only one remaining of that bunch is the youngest, Katherine Rose.  We chatted the other day about Father's Day and the loneliness of having nobody to call your own around.  She spoke of it being a tough day for her because she has lost not only her husband but her brother and son.  

Daddy was raised up in RoEllen and came to high school in town which meant that he walked sometimes and other times caught a ride.  He was very popular and into ag even then.  His ag teacher Mr Sam Reed thought enough of him that he helped him snag a scholarship to UT Martin to get a BS in ag science.  That was interrupted by service in the Air Force and my birth but it finally happened.  He worked until the age of 55 doing double duty as a plant protection specialist with the USDA and manager of the farm we grew up on.  They moved here when I was a year old.  

Our lives twirled around the growing seasons and livestock.  My brothers hauled hay when they were young and I rode along for fun.  One of my most vivid memories of Daddy is of him in his pickup herding cattle in the field across from my house, yelling and slapping on the side of the truck trying to get them back behind the rickety old fence.  He was beginning to lose it a little by that time and it scared me to death.  Shortly after, the cows went away.  

He always put in a full garden and we ate well on fresh food all year long thanks to his talent with the growing and my mother's kitchen skills.  Sweet corn, purple hull peas, fried okra, you name it.  I hated shelling lima beans and loved the fried yellow squash that mama served up with homemade cornbread.   Daddy's favorite "dessert" was a piece of that cornbread soaked in purple hull pea juice.  Nothing like it.  He also established an orchard with apple and peach trees that still stands but doesn't get the care it needs.  

Daddy was raised as a Southern Baptist but converted to the UMC when we were kids and Mama insisted on the family attending church together.  Her family's heritage ran deep at first church.  He sang in the choir until he went into the hospital and served on every board, committee and what have you that they asked him to.  When I was a teenager he fought to have a dance in the fellowship hall for us and was promptly turned down by the powers that be.  Man, he was a dancer!  

He served for years as an official for the Dyer County Fair Association and in retirement turned his efforts toward things like hauling kids to summer camp, working for the local volunteer blood program and becoming a Paul Harris fellow in Rotary.  He and Joe Wood were famous for their fried 'taters and onions at BBQ benefits locally.  That tradition continues to this day.  

My daddy never told me he loved me but I knew it.  He was not a touchy feely person with us, yet he hugged everybody he came in contact with out there in the world.  Mama always said it was because of the way he was brought up during the hard times.  When he was a young teen he fell out of the barn loft and broke both arms!   Guess who had to get his butt wiped by his sisters for awhile.  

Letting my father die in peace was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.  Parts of me wanted to keep trying for a good outcome but he had way too much going against him.  Two years ago on a Sunday night in June I got a phone call from Mom telling me he was en-route to the hospital AT HIS OWN request.  The diagnosis was not only a strangulated hernia but a massive infection from an old hernia repair on the other side.  After two major surgeries in a week, he couldn't breathe from all the anesthesia.  He never came home after going to the ER that night and died 6 weeks later not knowing he was in this world but not suffering one bit.  

I cherish the things we had in common like flowers and growing things and harmonizing at church.  Our favorite routine was to walk each other's yards and name what was coming up or blooming.  He loved the birds too and whenever I see one visit me up close and personal I know it's him telling me to keep the faith.


Saturday, June 17, 2017

my give a damn's busted

I don't even remember the title of the blog post that I had conjured up in my head for today.  It probably had something to do with social justice and loving each other, even the least of these.  Y'all all know I'm a bleeding heart liberal.  Sue me.  I believe that everybody deserves a chance at life and reformation.  Sometimes it takes awhile.  

I've spent a lot of time with addicts over the years and do not exclude myself.  Everybody's got something.  The ones who have never smoked or drank alcohol are equally as addicted to routine or food or sex or any other kind of self medication.  Step one addresses that quite clearly.  Whatever it is it's out of control.  In Tennessee there's a huge gambling thing going on with the lottery and as a result of that community college is free to all.  Currently CBD oil without the psychoactive component is legal for use.  Sounds like a racket to me but whatever.  It beats opiates and meth.  

Downtown Dyersburg development is pretty much under the control of the Chamber which is sorely missing Alan Hester about now.  Let's all say a prayer for Lorna and the kids on the way to the Gulf Coast with a packed out SUV.  Mamye came out this afternoon and we enjoyed the quiet and talked at the not so round table.  Oh yeah, here's what my thought was.

I'm a good listener with realistic and positive feedback.  I don't have a degree that declares me as such but I have a lot of really good friends who vent.  I say luv you often and mean it.  I need a minimum of five hugs a day to survive which is why I'm prone to just doing the random group thing.  We will rock you!
My boundaries are firm and I refuse to cross them when my own well being is at stake. I'm looking forward to a visit with my babygirl and her babygirl.  Fortinately there is no court next week and I have an extra day off.  I love it when that happens.  To anyone who ever raised a child as his or her father.......I salute you.  And also I miss my daddy.


Friday, June 16, 2017

riders in the storm

Today was a learning experience for sure which is what best practice should be about when it comes to patient care.  There is absolutely nothing worse than having somebody with a personal agenda coming up into your hard work and acting out.  The people who do this are normally retired professionals who know the ropes with federal funding and efficiency.  In the age of multiple systems and the EMR paper does not work too well.  Unfortunately it still exists.

The heavens opened up as I was heading home with more on the way.  Lorna and the kids are heading out come hell or high water tomorrow for the beach with tents in tow.  Her son Chris has become a very good friend and I admire his tech savvy as an IT genius.  At 40 years old he owns multiple businesses and is a dreamer for the development in downtown Dyersburg commerce and restoration.  It ain't much but it's all we're got so roll with it.  The building that he bought is rich with history and full of innovative ideas.   It used to be a paint store!

BG and Reaves are coming to visit and take inventory next week.  I'll be working but will have one day off with her for he return trip.  I'll totally take it 'cuz I miss her face.  I'll be at the sawmill weekend so just stay out of the ER is all  I'm saying.    That is all.