Tuesday, April 25, 2017

today's dilemma

I was headed to the car when i spotted the trunk open and the garbage hanging out where I failed to take it to the road yesterday afternoon.  Since there's a light in there I was sure it would be dead as a doornail but to my surprise it started right up.  Thank you Jesus!  I then pulled up to the roadside bin and reached for the handle to get out and do the deed when the sucker broke off in my hand.  Soooooo I was forced to crawl out of the passenger side and empty the garbage.  I can get IN even though the handle itself is broken off because I know how to do it.  It's that way on both sides up front.  Now, I can't get OUT without the climb which is a bitch for an old woman like me.  I called a salvage yard, found the parts and when I showed up to get them the guy said he didn't have it he would have to go " take it off".  *sigh*  Promised he'd have it by tomorrow morning.  Just for kicks I drove by Patterson Brothers to see what's up with the tire situation and they said when I get the door handle parts they can do that at the same time they install and balance the tires.  That is WHEN the part comes for their balancer.  *shit*.  The car is 16 years old and falling apart.  Talk about your lack of mobility.  This is not a good thing with a grandchild on the way in another town.  

That being said, I read today that my artist friend Mary totaled her vehicle and is looking for one as well.  I'm not sure what happened but she seemed pretty grateful to be alive.  I should be too, so I choose to see it that way.  I know .... Pollyanna to the bone.  

I honestly feel like I'm in the desert.  There are so many wonderful things in my life to be grateful for and I am.  It's just the weariness that comes with having to put out fires and climb hills every.single.day.  This is lab week so we're eating free lunch all week and we munched out on Chick Fil A today.  Matt seriously loves us and the feeling is mutual.  Marfy made my day with her intention to stay around a little longer so there's that blessing too.

Mommy needs a vacay~

Monday, April 24, 2017

almost a nurse

I've been a lab tech/phlebotomist for almost 40 years now.  I never had to do an EKG or ABG but that was the lab's responsibility before RT came to be.  If you know what all these terms mean, plus STAT then you're almost a nurse like me.  Or else you watch a lot of Code Black.  When I hired on the lab was still doing titrations on stomach acid with invasive tube like procedures and I said hell no I did not go to college for this.  

I've seen an assistant pathologist cut a guy open with a saw and a cig hanging out of his mouth.  That was back in the days of Dr. Inclan and Betty Rothrock.  The morgue was not a fun place however it's where I learned never to eat liver and why not to have an autopsy unless foul play is suspected.  If that's the case?  Let the pros do it.

The primary focus of my career has been on treatment and testing in the Blood Bank.  That includes inventory management and policy and a good bit of training and phone answering.  Everybody wants what they want and they want it now.  We help each other out in a crisis usually in a professional manner that requires just a nod or a look.  As a team....meaning all departments....we save lives and do good things.  There are bad outcomes on most any day because the people are sick or they wouldn't be there.  There's a huge dilemma with somebody's number being up and lack of empathy for a sick person.  I've seen all facets of it and you are fortunate to have somebody who cares at the bedside.

My eyes were swollen shut again today after yesterday's meltdown.  I'm glad she's not sick anymore.  Same for my parents and all the people I've loved and lost.  I got not one but two hugs from Dodo today which was a nice way to start lab week along with free!food!   Sam and Oscar are sticking close to me making sure that we're still a tribe even without Sophie.  Not sure where Lily is but you know cats.  

My friend Sue is at the beach freezing to death but I bet it's warmed up by now. Don't forget my sand girlfriend.  


Sunday, April 23, 2017

the rainbow bridge

I'm not sure if that's a legend or a truth but I honestly believe that's how those that we love cross over to the light.  Sophie went there early this morning on my bed which was her favorite spot.  Sam and Oscar wanted out at daylight so I got up to open the front door and as Sam passed me I heard a big gassy sound and knew for sure he had just farted right in my face.  I went on into the bathroom and returned to find Sophie passed on.  That was the sound and the smell and I've been there before.  I picked her up and put her lifeless body on the floor next to the bed and immediately called for help from my grave digging friends and neighbors.  Then I started digging with my brand new shovel.  

Bev and Patrick and Mamye all showed up with theirs and we got the hole done deep enough to cover and top with a straw bale.  There will be something growing over her body soon like a tomato or something.  It needs a few more bricks to keep the digger critters out.  Ethel's yellow iris are blooming so there's your flowers for a proper burial.  By the way, Daddy's peonies are ready to bust wide open.  

Keep the faith ^j^

Saturday, April 22, 2017

best laid plans

We had it all worked out for the weekend trip home except it didn't happen because of numerous things like weather and my mental state following yesterday's drama.  Like BG said, it just wasn't meant to be.  I came home to find Sophie firmly entrenched under the porch and I had to crawl in there and flush her out.  As much as I'm scared of mr snake, y'all know I love that dog a lot.  She managed to make it up the steps and into the house where she spent the night on blankets.  Then this morning, out she went wobbling down the steps to lay in the rain.  I had a lot going on but managed to get some gatorade and syringes to try and get some lytes in her.  I picked her 60 pound self up and carried her up the steps to my room where she is currently chilling on the bed.  If she's not better by Monday, it's time for the vet.  

BGs ohone is a piece of crap so I upgraded at the local ATT store with a delightful lady named Lisa who truly knows her stuff.  While I was there various confused people came in with questions for she and her co-worker.  By that time I had missed lunch with my girlfriends so I just headed on home for the day.  It's blackberry winter you know.  Following days of rain the temps are running in the fifties.  Jim always appreciates the weather report, right?

I'll keep y'all updated on the sick puppy situation.  She's so incredibly sweet that it makes me sad to see her so lethargic.  Either she was poisoned or got into something bad but she's still wagging her tail so there's that.  

Peace and love ~

Friday, April 21, 2017

life is hard

Probably the most important book I've ever read is The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck.  That phrase is the first sentence of that book and a solid truth around which all the rest of his hypothesis is built.  We rail against injustice in numerous ways that are acted out in our daily lives when, in fact, if we TRULY grasp the fact that life is indeed hard, controlling behavior can be a distant memory.  It's not just you honey....it's hard for everybody.  People we love die or move away.  Jobs end. Marriages fail.  Trust is broken.  It happens every day and very often to those who deserve it least.  

This is when big girl panties come into play.  I started trying to put mine on when I went to therapy in my 30s and it's been a rocky road ever since.  Hey...at least it's interesting.  As a healthcare provider I'm one of those who truly does want to "help people".  Most of us start out that way but time and experience often result in burnout particularly when money is involved.  As a strong advocate for the patient it really bothers me to observe practitioners who just don't care about anything but the buck.  

The shopping for Reaves continues and cousin Sandy has done an order at Carter's that will be full of treasures I'm sure.  She also brought me the latest addition to my beach sand collection, this time from Panama City.  Plus a Dove peanut butter egg.  Who loves me right?  

I'm frazzled and worn out with the details of trying to keep my world twirling.  I guess I should pull that book out and read it again, huh?

Let it go ~ 

Thursday, April 20, 2017

dog gone

The hottest front page story in our local news has been about an asshat who shoots dogs that come on his property.  He has kinda' sorta' free range chickens and just hates it when the puppies start digging.  He was warned several years ago after killing several pets to ceaseand desist.  This time, he did the deed and transported the bodies to the side of 51 North around Trimble.  They were labs and somebody's babies.  

Speaking of which, Sophie is MIA.  She's always on my bed except for short potty breaks and I remember letting the whole pack out yesterday morning at dawn.  Sam and Oscar were here to greet me after work.  I did what I do and carried on and didn't even notice she wasn't in her usual cuddling spot.  When I came home and she still wasn't here, I started driving the 'hood and calling around.  If I had a dime for every time Faith did that I'd be in Fiji but Sophie just isn't built that way.  She's a homebody and a baby girl.  Three years old with soulful eyes likeher grandmas.  

The rain started as soon as I headed down Samaria Bend and Clara was behind me going to check on her girls.  Driving back east I noticed Daddy's white peonies blooming so I stopped to pick some.  The crimson ones should be ready by mother's day. 

As luck would have it my tire folks need a part for their installer balancer thingy so I can't get new tread for the weekend of BG transport.  So...onto plan B whatever that is.  It's totally out of my hands.  

Peace. Be. Still ~

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

count zubrovka

"You should blog" he said.  "What's that, I asked."  At that point JL Yarbro proceeded to explain to me what a weblog was and how it was a vehicle for writers and photographers like myself.  Thousands of posts later, I come here to pay homage to my old and dear friend who was one of a kind.  

John lived with his parents Big John and Cissy next door to my grandparents Gaga and Pawpaw so we were constant companions as children.  We grew up attending FUMC together.  We followed each other to graduation from DHS and beyond as fellow hippies and soulmates.  My grandmother told mom about Miss Cissy coming over all freaked out over Little John being sick with a fever as a small child.  My grandfather died when John and I were three, leaving Gaga in that house on College Hill alone.  

John was married before, but Jana is the love of his lifetime.  I came to know her through him and she accepted his hard headed ways with some trepidation but always tolerance.  He was an artist and musician as well.  I remember a period when he would scout graveyards and take mesmerizing black and white photos of the stones that told life stories of the generations.  He recognized that I had a gift for photography and gave me what will forevermore be known as the badass Leica.  Back in 1995 he probably paid 2K for it and it was state of the art.  He delivered it to me in a bag complete with all the supplies I needed including cards and lenses.  I had a ball with it for years until I left it in the rain one day.  I think the camera itself still works, but the cable doesn't.  

Fast forward a few years and he contacted me about a gift of his parents' 95 white Cadillac Seville with less than 100K miles on it.  It was a money pit....always something going wrong and costing an arm and a leg to fix but we loved it.  He thought my parents would enjoy riding to church in it, and they did.  That car is still sitting in my front yard here on the lane and hasn't moved in a year.  It's a classic, for sure.  

That kind of generous heart is something that has always meant a lot to me.  He could have sold that camera and that car and pocketed the money but instead he chose to enrich my life.  My heart breaks for all of us who loved him.  Like Chucky said " See you on the other side buddy."

Spirit in the Sky ~

Tuesday, April 18, 2017


Oh my lord, I forgot to take my allergy pill today ( and all the rest of them ) and I've been sneezing and itching and all kinds of allergic responses.  I thought about asking for a shot of Decadron at the derm guy's place yesterday but we were too busy cutting off suspicious lesions and talking about the past.  I get my sutures out on Monday fo' free because it's a surgical follow up.  I like that value added piece.

I had a long chat with Heather today while AJ was napping and then another one with BG while she was being treated to a pedicure.  Mamye and Hippie are at Taco Tuesday so all is well I suppose.  The driver's side door handle on the INSIDE is now broken which is a conumdrum what with no outside handles on either front door.  Y'all shop some scrap yards for me and holla.  

Tristina the beautiful called today to say that she has a gorgeous cherry changing table for Reaves with bedding and all.  It takes a village.  My nickname at work now is Sugartot because I totally put the sugar all over my tater tots one day.  It's our little village and sometimes we get confused, right Little Bit?

Monday, April 17, 2017

puffy eyes and a hailstorm

My eyes were almost swollen shut when I rolled out of bed at 10AM from all that crying yesterday.  That put me with little time to make my appointment with old friends.  Kent and Kim are both old friends and previous co-workers.  When he and Laura moved back this way from San Diego, I was probably the first friend they met, at church no less.  Their daughter Melissa and BG became close friends and grew up together.  She works there too so it was a pleasure to catch up with the whole bunch.  I had two skin biopsies that are itching like crazy about now.  

It was raining when I left there to visit the ATT store for an upgrade.  There are no contracts now!  That's because you pay for the phone as you go instead of shelling out 600 bucks up front.  Anyway, it can't happen until the bill is paid which will be on Friday so there's that to take care of on Saturday while Lauren is here.  About the time I left that store all hell broke loose with the weather.  I could barely see my way down Mall Blvd and when I hit Parr the hail started.  That's when I said to hell with it and pulled over while it pinged.  After about five minutes I was able to proceed only to get the windshield so fogged up that another pullover was required to even see out the windshield.  There's another wave in progress right now.  Heads up West Tennessee.


Sunday, April 16, 2017

in waves

What started as a little bit of sadness yesterday turned into a full fledged grief storm this morning and the waves keep crashing over me every hour or so.  I'm not real sure what it's all about but it's probably related to that rainbow the other evening.  I read my horoscope a lot of days and yesterday it mentioned not writing off a relationship from the past.  Someone could reappear.  

I'll be damned if that someone didn't turn out to be Mackie knocking on the front door following a day on the golf course with his buddy.  He almost died a few months ago from diabetes and heart blockages so it was kind of like seeing a ghost!  We talked about where we left off and how, and made peace with it.  It was good to catch up.

The flowering cross at the corner of Main and McGaughey was already kind of droopy when I headed home due to temps in the 80s.  It was a solid stand of magnolia leaves when I passed by in the dark this morning.  Now it's covered in blooms.  What a beautiful tradition.  My mother told me tales of sunrise services in that church with little old ladies including my great grandmother bringing their birds in to sing as the morning broke.  Ethel had canaries and a parakeet perhaps.  They lived in cages in her dining room on Pate street which I can still picture in my mind.  

Mamye is on the way over since I'm in crisis and plus she needs to get out of the house.  It's a win-win.  Tomorrow is supposed to be a rainy one which the tiny garden will enjoy.  I've yet to tackle those weeds with vinegar but I'll get around it.  Then some more compost.  Keep that nitrogen going, dontcha' know.

Bless are the poor in spirit ~

Saturday, April 15, 2017

my get up and go

Pretty much it has got up and went.  I keep waiting for that day when I feel like doing something after work and instead find that those days are sort of gone.  With age comes a decrease in stamina.  Both of my parents were retired and having fun at my current age.  Mom slept for six months after she quit just to recover from sheer exhaustion.  They were blessed to have the means to do that with his long career at the USDA paying them about what I make now until they died.  I try not to think too much about the future because I can't envision ever doing anything but working and getting up to do it again.  I'm patiently waiting for the universe to present me with a perfect opportunity which I will LEAP at when I see it.  If I'm able to leap, that is!

A day without some kind of ache or pain is a rarity and a blessing.  One of my co-workers is breast feeding her latest baby boy and I'm learning all about the pump thing and keeping the supply going.  I opted out on that 32 years ago.  I hear that formula is now super expensive just like all things these days.  Ditto for diapers.  One day at a time, as they say.  My friend Cathy has a bathtub that she's handing down to Reaves.

My mother was the queen of holiday festivities and would be ashamed that I don't have Easter bunnies and eggs everywhere.  Our most memorable Easter Sunday was the one where I forgot to take off my pajama pants and we got to church with me wearing bloomers under the frilly dress.  Mortified!  Then there was the one about ten years ago when she had wreck #2 on the way to Easter service and ended up in the ER while I was working.  She got sued on that one and, yes....I still have the legal papers somewhere because she saved everything.  She and Daddy were secret hoarders.  

I'm melancholy and not really sure why.  Some of it may be fatigue and stress but parts of  me are still grieving.  It's been two years since all the dying started and one year since BG left the nest.  There's been a lot of water under the bridge, so to speak.  

That being said, it's just a valley as the Little General would say.  Peaks always come back around.  

Faith ~  

Friday, April 14, 2017

good friday musings

Well, here we are on the day after the mother of all betrayals. According to the good book sometime in the afternoon Jesus Christ was crucified on a cross after being scorned and whipped while carrying said cross.  The people turned him over for this sentence when the big guy left the decision up to them.  "Father, why have you forsaken me?"  The rest is history.  A young Jewish carpenter born of a virgin birth went on to perform miracles galore with a lesson in each one.  Love thy neighbor, for example.  "But who is my neighbor?"  they asked.  

I've been on the phone all afternoon with BG planning our comings and goings for the next week.  She's coming home so I have to clean or she'll do it for me.  What we need is to bond.  

Please stay out and about at the Easter egg hunt tomorrow and don't come to the ER.  I will be there and am enjoying the quiet spell.  That is all ~

Thursday, April 13, 2017

day trippin'

Lorna called this morning with an offer to ride along with her to Lake county so off we went.  I wandered around her yard in wonder at all the work she's done with her straw bale garden.  While I have four bales  and a couple of ground beds, she has FIFTY bales laid out in her huge yard at Silvertop,  Some had strawberries in already.  We talked about the multi-million dollar highway to nowhere that runs by her place and was built because of the port.  Reminds me of the Lake Road extension that leads right up to the front door of Colonial Rubber.  It sees a lot more traffic than the one in Tiptonville.  We drove by her homeplace and chatted about who lives where....memory lane stuff.  At 65, she is raising two grandchildren.  

We had talked about lunch at Boyette's but decided that was too heavy and settled on The Bus Stop in downtown Dyersburg.  It's an upscale bistro type place that was put into our ACTUAL old Greyhound station.  The food is to die for prepared by a talented chef named Eric.  Lorna promised to hook him up with fresh produce when it comes in and he was thrilled.  

Then we headed to Pecan Lane where she inspected my little plot and said I was on course as a novice organic gardener.  The beauty of it is that you can many seasons of growth from an initial investment time and work but not much money.  My next step is to get at the periphery with white vinegar spray to get rid of the grass.  She and I are kindred spirits, smart savvy southern gals who hold nothing back.  We are cheerleaders for each other and our families and I love hearing about her world travels.  I'm talking Himalayan and everything.  On her dining room table are examples of tribal masks that she made.  Like me, she sorts a lot.  We have things that are of value to us and nobody can quite understand how hard it is to discard anything that has always been around.  

Today is Maundy Thursday ( thanks Beth ) which brings to mind the last supper and foot washing.  What a servant leader! I can really relate to those disciples in that I have denied many times in life what is good and true.  I imagine the Pharisees and Saducees as precursors to Trump.  

It's a beautiful day in the hood.  Go forth and enjoy ~ 

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

word blog

Alas, I am forced to blog on Word and hope for an easy transfer among apps.  My Best Buy Toshiba laptop is fighting for breath.  Time to visit Chris for a tuneup!  Per my normal self I refused to take a nap after work today choosing to play outside and express myself.  The redneck water hose is perched on mama and daddy’s wrought iron chair watering my little garden.  All I have to do is move the chair now and then.
I ran into a friend today that I really had not missed at work yet because you know…they come and go.  Greg was an Employee of the Month in 2016 for his exemplary work in plant operations.  His wife is receiving treatments now and when I saw him he told me he quit because he couldn’t stand the corporate ways.  He’s one month shy of 62 and has a very sick wife.  But you know what?  I totally understand his decision.  Family comes first.  My new crack dealer showed up today with a cute little catalog of girlie clothes.  She’s more expensive than the feed store.

I’m still typing so I guess the spies haven’t shut me down yet.  I totally missed Gigi’s birthday and called her today for a belated chat.  She sounds good and strong.  I admire her business ethic.  This woman built a business by the sweat of her brow and a lot of home inspections.  We met in a bar ( of course ) and have been joined at the hip since.  She  lives a mile down the road halfway to the gentral one street over from the pool she left behind. 

Time to move the hose ~

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

the russians are coming

I have this one commenter who writes in another language now and again.  I've always just deleted them but I figure I'll translate this last one and see what they say.  It's probably either Putin or ISIS telling me to shut my damn piehole.  No wait....maybe it's a stealth Trump move!   

My brother T made a whirwind trip into the 'burg and brought Peyton out for a tea party yesterday.  She loves coming here because it's like shopping at a thrift store!  She fell twice, once into the uncovered AC duct but nothing major, thank goodness.  The house is definitely not kid proof yet.  BG called me this morning to say she needs mama and has next weekend off.  We shall work this thing out.  

BG's actual birthdate is September 22, 1984.  There's always been a celebration of some sort even if it's just a card.  She has another birthday coming up this Sunday which is just as important if not more so.  It is the first anniversary of a day when she made the most important commitment of her life.  We have lived it together and my heart swells just thinking about her journey.   Well, and the grandbaby too ;)'

Y'all be careful out there ~ Hill Street Blues

Monday, April 10, 2017

one step a at a time

That is how an old lady gets 50 pounds of dog food up 7steps to the hungry pack.  It's been sitting there since yesterday when I only got as far from the back seat to tree stump with it.  The wind nearly whipped my basil and tomato to death yesterday so they now have support.  Rain is on the way.  

The bombings of Coptic Christians worshipping on Palm Sunday reminded me of my old friend Sonia Gad.  She and her husband Soheil moved here with their children and we became quite good friends.  She was the only pathologist we ever had who promised to put our continuing education as a priority.  She worked with Dr. P and while he traveled to Bellevue in Memphis, she attended the local UMC with me and my family.  One evening in August she and her son were on the dangerous highway known as 78 headed to WalMart for school supplies.  I'm not sure what happened, but her car flipped and hit a tree killing her and trapping her son.  The boy called for help from his mother's cellphone.  

Her funeral was one like I've never witnessed.  Our pastor at the time, Cecil Kirk, did the ceremony which included a lot of smoke and stuff.  If memory serves me correctly, there was a Coptic there in charge of that part because Methodists don't usually pull that one off.  In the playground out back there are 10 foot tall crape myrtles planted by our Sunday School class in her memory.  

Per the itinerant nature of the UMC, my dear friend Dell will be moving to another appointment soon.  June is switch out month for our tribe after the bishop and his crew have prayerfully considered the needs of each congregation.  I've seen guys get a big salary for playing golf all the time. Our church used to be the crown jewel where those who had earned their stripes on the circuit were rewarded.  

I can only name a few who have  made an impact on me:  Willis G, Cecil, Wade Cox....Larry Tubb.  That church is a rock to me in many ways even though I never darken the doors.  I noticed when I drove home today that the holy week cross with the purple drape had palm leaves all over it.  Nice touch.

I get by with a little help from my friends ~

Saturday, April 8, 2017

dogwood dash

Back in the day we had a yearly marathon during dogwood season by that name.  It went by the wayside from being  huge deal to nothing.  I knew the tradition had been revived this year and was pleased to see lots of runners, bikers and walkers out on the course today as I ran errands.  First was ( of course ) the gentral'.  Then I headed to the crack dealer AKA Pennington Seed and Supply.  Their courtyard is like what heaven would be for me.  I heard my name called and turned around to get a big fat hug from Stanley Norris who recounted how he "almost died" a few weeks ago.  He's working a few hours a day to build up stamina and even showed me his scars.  I loaded up with another bale of straw and lots to plant.  FINALLY basil available.  I got another lavender because the cold got my first one.  There's sweet potato vines for the tree stump and a few odd flowers.  Tomorrow I'll get more compost and some seed.  Stanley hand picked the kind of tomato he wanted me to have and told me how deep to plant.  It's already in the bale.  

At the chicken store I ran into James Frank and he told me he had found some pictures of one of their family's 4th of July celebrations when me and my parents were there.  That seems like forever ago.  Mozella the mayor is still perking along at 95 surrounded by family.  It's the American dream that got lost when families began to scatter all across the world. I ran into a cute little family that I know at the feed store and they all looked excited and on a mission.  That place will make a KILLING today.  

Time to work the dirt ~

Friday, April 7, 2017

friday fun

There was a Carolina wren trapped in the house yesterday afternoon hiding here there and yon and flying toward the windows to try and get out.  I left all the doors open and never saw it again until this afternoon when I found him taking his last breath amongst the feathers that Lily had stripped off.   I took him outside just to see if he could make it only to find him dead a few minutes later.  I'll be damned if I let that evil cat munch on critters in MY house.  RIP little bird.  I know....it's what they do right?  Still, it freaks me out.  I've seen dogs kill cats over a piece of meat and that shook me too.  Primal instinct takes over when there's no conscience involved.  

I had a long talk with my only aunt yesterday and we talked baby stuff.  She shared memories of a cotton top Lauren running around with G'Daddy, both of them wearing straw hats.  In spite of myself, I cried.  I am both happy and humble that today is Friday AND payday so that I can actually buy some food tomorrow.  Like, healthy stuff.  

My cousin twice removed is at LeBonheur with some type of infection and just a wee one so there's that to ponder.  Keith lost his mama.  Tommy got buried.  Yaya got mad.  Just another day in paradise.  Which brings me around to Syria again.

The actions of whomever authorized that fanning the flame tactic are careless and provocative.  It's the old Russian spy thing where we hate them and they hate us and they like to kill people.  There is no caliphate in the sense that any of the radicals will ever band together to believe in something so horrendous as what we have witnessed.  If so, let it be swift please.  I remember going to a state sponsored workshop for hospital people about emergency response in case of attack by radiation, gas, etc.  The presenter was totally cute and spent hours diagramming how the fallout goes from radiation.  I'd rather be gassed.  

As a worldwide conglomerate of all kinds of archys, many nations have stood in solidarity through times of war.  If I had a kid draft age I'd advise him or her to do something to be happy. Protecting the world is a big job.  But these warriors, like the rest of us, just want to do the next right thing.

Peace ~

Thursday, April 6, 2017

the night before

It was in early September when we moved mama to the home.  Daddy had died in August and she was blind and not able to walk very good so she agreeed to go over to Maple Ridge for the rest of her life.  Daddy's retirement covered it and the place seemed nice.  Her friends Jerlene and Harry lived there and they visited a lot.  There were quite a few uppities with whom she had little interaction.  They are always on a schedule there and she didn't like to get up early for breakfast.  She actually cried every morning because Billy wasn't there and she was sad.  Well, and she wasn't at home.

If I had it to do over, I would have moved into that cabin and allowed her to live there until she died much like Mozella's tribe is doing.  We fought those last six months like nobody's business, usually because I didn't stay long enough or walked away while she was having a meltdown over the circumstances. We really tried to do the right thing.  

On moving day we showed up bright and early to find her with 9 suitcases full of towels and clothes that didn't fit.  She was a hot mess by anybody's standard.  My mother had been up all night by herself getting ready to leave home.  My heart was broken and I realized that I could have done more to help with the transition.  Work was a bitch during that time and was sucking the life out of me slowly.  Millette decorated her room after Budge It moved the furniture in.  Tracy the chicken farmer has her bed which is appropriate.   She took care of her during those last months.  

I have a vivid memory of taking her some chicken salad from Java over to the home that I still owe 600 bucks to.  She wasn't able to eat so I fed her with a plastic fork and apologized for her having to be there.  Didn't know what else to do.  That day when the cars and trucks moved out from Casa Grands, I cried like a baby and so did Bubba.  "Worse than the funeral" he said.  And you know what?  He was right.  This was the next chapter in something that started a long time ago.  

Let it go ~

brand new cut

The rain got Mayberry and company late yesterday and I returned home to find the job being finished this afternoon.  A nice yard is a work of art in the south.  I'm riding the easy train these days depending on perennials for entertainment with a few anuuals sprinkled in for food and whatnot.  Weedeater guy was precise and avoided all things but grass.  That's a big improvement over last year!!

The wind is still howling in spite of it all.  There is something very haunting to me about the latest chemical attacks on civilians in Syria.  If, in fact, Sadaam had that chemical warfare and used it....he was guilty as charged for having WMD.  That being said, it was no reason to enter into a ten year unwinnable conflict with the jihadists.  Something about good old America thinks that we can go out there and save the world.  Gassing people is nothing new.  Hitler did it.  Others did too.  As "they" say, history repeats itself.  

I just had a nice long chat with my aunt Kathy about baby stuff and the fam.  I haven't cried in weeks and she brought it right on out talking about tow headed little Lauren playing in the yard with her grandaddy, both wearing straw hats.  It was a fun childhood for her.  She and mom cooked a lot and read books.  See?  You would cry too.

I'm about to google how bad cat food is for dogs because that's the current situation here.  Tomorrow is payday and I have bills to get current.  


Wednesday, April 5, 2017

here it comes again

Another wave of thunderstorms but nothing like what's going on to the south of us.  Geez man.  Hopefully that put out the fire under the I85 overpass where chemicals were haphazardly store by the city and ignited by homeless people who live there.  That's what I heard, anyways.  I have sources.  

A friend died last night and though I knew it was coming, it still took me off guard when I got the message.  He had excellent care and died peacefully in his home.  Fortunately he had a doctor in the family to oversee things.  And now the suffering is over for Tommy Dale who leaves a wife and daughter.

OMG....I hear yard guy!  Big mower and weedeater!  Got a hug from Mayberry!  It's the first mowing of 2017 so there will be allergies galore.  Mamye came out and I shared the first mess of asparagus half of which we picked together.  It takes a village.

I'm kind of liking he way that Trumpys are getting called out one by one.  Not that I wish ill on anybody but umm..what about all those Syrians who died in their sleep from nerve gas.  While wiping out a rebel stronghold, innocents died and were injured in a horrific way.  Can I stop the madness?  Of course not.  All I can do is the next right thing.

Grace ~

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

the rocking chair

It sits in my office, not too far from where it lived for 60 years with my parents.  It's old but sturdy with a cane back and seat....perfect for rocking babies in.  BG went for an ultrasound today and it seems that the name Edward won't fit.  You never know until the fat lady sings or the ultrasound turns, but that's what we were expecting anyway.  She called me when it was over, totally impressed with the experience and care that she got.  I have been as well.  They see a lot of low income patients with special needs and manage to keep things timely.  She broke her tailbone some years ago in a fall and now that the old hips are spreading she's been in constant pain.  Our sister facility gave her some shots in the back in their ER so that's better.  All is well.  

Work was work.  Not too bad with a little time to catch up and bond.  Keeping that spirit alive among us is what keeps a team in emotional shape for stressful situations.  It still totally amazes me how defensive people get when you are just speaking your mind.  It's like "duh" the whole world doesn't twirl around you dude!

I'm still treating Sondra and now Mitzi Lou with the famous Pelham arm pull.  I'm working on both of them to visit Gay just for some relief because LORD I know the feeling.  I will be buying both of them plastic balls for shoulder treatment.  Hooooah!

There are two gorgeous snowball bushes across from UPS where the shady trailer park used to be.  Now it's all empty slabs and a cash advance place.  I stopped to pick a few and then moseyed on down to Casa Grands to find their dogwoods in full bloom and a few iris almost gone.  I suppose it's the Summer Hill Garden Club coming out as the ghost of Gaga!  

Rejoice ~

Monday, April 3, 2017

chipping away

The more I try, the behinder I get.  I am not an extravagant spender by any means and rarely buy anything for myself.  The cost of running this household is astronomical and it's a miracle I've managed as long as I have.  There are four payments left on the washer, and on this check I must pay car insurance, DTV, internet, electric bill and the remainder of the dentist and propane guy's stuff.  Plus the drug store. And of course rent.  DTV is dispensible because I don't watch it but there's that pesky early termination thing requiring me to ride out the contract.  All the while I'm paying the bankruptcy court a good sum of money monthly off the top.  

I owe the surgical group for my scope, a huge group of locum tenems from an ER visit with the funky finger left me holding 800. Now, mind you I have insurance that I pay dearly for yet I can barely afford the co-pays for wellness visits.  This is the norm and is the very reason that our healthcare system is in such a bind.  Wellness benefits = early disease detection and less cost for the insurance company, providers and patients.  Paps and mammograms should be free. Instead what we have is a huge number of places referring folks back and forth to wherever their insurance will pay for what they need, if it indeed does at all.  The sad thing is that we have the technology to make people healthier and most of our energy goes into the sick and dying who have gotten lost in the system.  This is not a local phenom...it's countrywide.  

So what is the answer, you ask.  I know I've thought a lot about it because it's very frustrating to be a caregiver by vocation.  Medicare for all levels the playing field removing big insurance and drastically putting the hurt on big pharma.  Sounds simple right ?  It would be if everybody would just quit fussing and fighting over the details.  

If you have worked for any length of time you have paid the Medicare tax and mostly likely will never see it unless somebody gets a grip up there in Washington.  I have five more years to go until I qualify for MC and then I have to buy a supplement.  I just don't want to die before I know what it's like to have another vacation.  

That was a rant but not a bad one because...pssst.  Too much energy.  If it all gets to be too much I'll just smack the cat off the table.  

Peace ~ 

Sunday, April 2, 2017

the next right thing

My ex-husband was ten years sober when he died in June 2015.  I watched as he spiraled and so did BG.  His bottom took him to JACOA where he remained true until t he day he died.  One of the things that I learned about life think from him is to not try and look at the big picture so much.  Take life as it comes, and do the next right thing.  It's sort of a mantra to me and pops into my head whenever I'm faced with a decision.  If you do what you think is right with no harm intended, even if it doesn't work out you did your best.  

I've noticed over the past year or so that the universe is bringing people from the past through my life on a pretty regular basis.  I ran into my best high school buddy's mom and brother the other day...another one that got away.  Yaya brought Kayla out yesterday for some asparagus picking and K was amazed that she was eating straight out of the garden!  They left with a box full of crowns for Yaya's bed.  She and I ran like wild women for about 5 years starting when I was 50.  There were several others like Redneck Friend who were always a part of the adventure.  I was single and loving it.  
Things change.  People move onto the next right thing.  For Yaya that means being grandma every weekend.  

I've done some laundry and started the dishes.  If I told you how long they've been in the sink you might call the health department so I digress.  There is bleach involved.  This is why I don't cook anymore.  It's pretty and the limbs aren't picking up themselves so I'll get to that after the dishes.  

Simplicity ~

Saturday, April 1, 2017

baby sister

I slept until 1015 today and oh my goodness it felt great until I tried to get up.  I'm talking full body stiffness.  I was just about to head to the gentral when I got a phone call from Katherine and I haven't talked to her in FOREVER so it was nice to catch up.  She and Annie were Mom's best friends and have held onto me since she's been gone.  They're both dealing with health problems but managing.  I gave her a little medical advice like "you don't need cholesterol medicine" when you're 83 and suggested an alternative pain reliever for her to request.  It seems the elderly spend their days going to doctors and switching meds.  She had a bad blood pressure episode and has been diagnosed with macular degeneration.  And so it goes.  

I stopped by the mayor's house on the way home to give her a hug and visit a bit.  Her daughters were there, one busy with the laundry and such.  Her purple iris bed is absolutely stunning and the peony bushes in front are gorgeous and full of buds.  Daddy's out back is doing well.  I don't know what happened to the ones in the pine grove.  I think the madman on the mower might have got them.  Remember him?  The one who mowed down the asparagus not once but twice last year? Anyway, it's time because I can't see Mr. Snake with the tall grass and that makes me nervous.  

Katherine talked about nostalgia a lot....missing mom and daddy and all the other friends in Dyersburg.  She still drives but not two hours on 51.  Just to the doctor and such.  We talked about farm history and she had the Calcutts confused.  There's the Carney branch and then the Harry branch.  Harry's son Harvey is the owner of this place I call home.  The log cabin is still sitting there empty with wood showing and cypress walls gleaming.  I go there now and again to dig something up that's in bloom.  

All is well for the moment.  Let's hold that thought ^j^

Friday, March 31, 2017

blank page

Every day I come here and do the thing...you know that.  Usually there's some thing from my day that gets me to thinking and I just run with it.  This one wasn't too bad all things considered.  I'm sittin' here listening to Little Stevie and considering options and priorities.  Plus I get to sleep late for 2 days.  Tina Belle has been my wakeup call for the past two because my alarm was wonky.  I'm old and tired, what can I say.  

The worm is turning and it doesn't make me one bit happy.  It's so sad that enough voters were stupid enough to vote for this disgrace of a leader.  His presidency reads like a bad spy novel.  Yep, I'm in a mood.  

Peace out ~

Thursday, March 30, 2017


Oh.My.God. What a freakin' day!  We were spared from a tornado last night and I woke up surprised to not be blown into the field.  It's so odd how those cells will just splinter on a whim.  Work was busy busy and everybody had things on their mind.  The usual cluster.  

A big thunderstorm moved through right before I left so the timing was good on that.  By the time I got to Southtown the sun was out.  I'm afraid to even look in the basement because the snakes will be swimming in the muck.  Time to block that door.  

I've been doing arm pulls on Sondra all day to release some of that right shoulder tension.  It all starts in the neck and shoulder area and eventually the limb goes numb.  Stretching the fascia allows the trapped nerves and muscles to relax.  Easy peasy PLUS physical therapist created and approved.  John Barnes.  Google it.  

Speaking of which Gay and Sandy are at the beach while the rest of us poor souls carry on.  Next time I'm hitching a ride with these two.  We are sisters by choice just like a bunch of others.  Whenever I have found the world too much to bear, they come out of the woodwork as a tribe holding my hand and chanting"You can do this"


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

the perfect storm

Here we go again with the monster tornado making weather dammit.  Big hugs to the Dyersburg EOC for getting those sirens up and running.  I ran into an old friend of BG's this morning at the chicken store, both of us headed for duty.  He's a first responder with the Dyersburg Fire Department.  Y'all can't imagine how many it takes to save a life.  You look great Meeks.

The sawmill was (anything but quiet) because all we hear is centrifuges and such.  Lots of technology lives in that lab.  We have two new chemistry analyzers coming on board soon.  All of this automation is overseen by trained professionals who review results before they are released to physicians.  If there is an alert value meaning " out of range " then it is called to the patient unit and ultimately passed onto said physicians. There's a lot of interfacing involved.  My badge still didn't work today so I guess I'm fired. 

I sat at a table with peers today and discussed things that we all know are important.  Today, I felt that my voice was heard.  It was in that very room where bossfriend and I faced the entire surgical team including a very angry anesthesiologist and absent surgeon for an RCA.  We got absolutely crucified that day. It was all OUR fault because the surgeon wasn't aware he could ask for emergency release of blood when he fucked up had a patient in distress.  There was a freaking notebook full of pages with his signature.  Exhibit A.  His partner saved his ass as long as he could but then went on with his life.  Once I went and picked Roy up at the service station where he was getting an oil change.  OR needed him!

Here's to all of us who save lives and even the ones who don't. At least we try ~

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

baby week

At last count there was one delivered and cute as heck, one on the way out....no make that two.  And a first heartbeat recorded live by Bethany.  I am quite impressed with this facility if you know what I mean.  They partner with Jackson General and provide excellent early care for high risk patients.  I played with more than one baby in the waiting room today.  They have the technology to provide quality care.  I even saw an interpreter step up for a patient.  It takes a village.

After that we hit up Sonic and headed to our respective places.  Mamye was gracious enough to give us a ride for the whole deal with her recently reworked transmission and bearing or something like that.  I have never bought a lottery ticket in my life and she grabbed us a couple of Jumbo Bucks at the pit stop in Bells.  That's where we met the Palestinian who speaks perfect English except on the phone with his mom.  Born in Chicago...homegrown.  Some troll who was trying to fill up his truck asked him if he's a terrorist.  Lots of sketchy people live in that motel.  

We barely escaped an alleged tornado yesterday plus baseball size hail.  I watched the whole thing play out praying for a rainbow for my buddy. And you know what?  It happened.  Skies are clear and blue today.  Just another day in paradise.


Monday, March 27, 2017

first wave

We just had a big old thunder boomer and there's another one right behind it so it's "the calm before the storm."  I can hear the birds again like earlier this morning when I was out and about.  Got a new card, thanks Holly.  Picked up some groceries and sent the $$ and then headed back to pick flowers and asparagus.  That's when the communication started happening in rapid fire sequence.  

There is some drama in our midst that is frankly quite scary.  I'm not talking specifically about any one situation but more about the selfishness of so many people and their inability to have empthy.  Actions have consequences.  To blame those on someone else is very dishonorable.  I can honestly say that I have never failed to own a mistake and try to make it right.  That's just how I'm made.  Therapy helped a LOT.

That being said, I'm hoping that the fact that my badge doesn't work isn't a sign that I'm being locked out of work because mommy needs a job.  I called IT about it.  We'll see on Wednesday.  Tomorrow is baby day for me and Lauren.  She needs bigger clothes too.

Here's hoping I don't end up in Kansas~

Sunday, March 26, 2017


You know how sometimes it seems like little gremlins are running around laughing over the chaos they cause you?  It's been that kind of week for me.  All.week.long.  I went out at lunch yesterday to send BG a moneygram only to find no debit card in my wallet.  Crap.  I was also picking up lunch for the crew and needed the card for that.  Fortunately I had 29 buccks cash in my purse and the total was 28.33.  I spent a good amount of time trying to backtrack where I had last used it and called the last one hoping somebody had turned it in.  Nada.  I only have two kitchen chairs capable of holding up an adult ass so when I ended up with four people at the table yesterday I drug out one of my grandmother's antique ones forgetting that somebody else had sort of "cracked" it the other day.  We were all sitting there visiting when all of a sudden the seat of that old chair fell out and I went into the chair frame folded up with my back against the seat frame.  It happened so quick that nobody quite knew how to react but I saw the disbelief in their faces as I went into the hold.  Lordy it's a wonder I didn't break my back.  Instead there's a bruise all the way across my lower back and a small scratch.  Gay of MFR fame was here and she helped centered me standing to check things out after P helped me out of the floor and carried off the chair for future repair.  
It rang my bell pretty good.

I had been checking my account online and saw no activity but then the alleged user wouldn't know the pin and would have to run it as credit so that doesn't show up for a couple of business days.  I finally got scared enough to call and have it de-activated and lo and behold I got a phone call from a familiar number about an hour later.  It was Jason at the Kroger pharmacy calling to tell me somebody found my card!  Which is now not usable!   Sheesh.  I must have dropped it in a rush to get that monegram on its' way.  Which TOTALLY didn't happen.

There's this really busy intersection by the hospital on the road to the high school which is a total disaster at drop off and pick up times.  Years ago it was made a 4 way stop and so many people had wrecks they changed it back to a straight shot down Parr.  I noticed yesterday that it's a four way again and there was a cop sitting at the chicken store monitoring compliance as a sort of trial run.  It will be interesting to see how school/hospital/nursing home traffic flows with this new development.  Maybe it's a tactic to divert traffic toward the highways.  If it were me coming and going, I'd use the front entrance of DHS from now on.  

There is asparagus up in all three places.  Bring on spring ~

Saturday, March 25, 2017

the rest of the story

I got a message today from someone who reads my blog and evidently I hurt some feelings.  I apologized even though I never even called him by name.  My semi-anonymous story on a piddly little blog was posted following the real deal posted on FB by someone else.  I didn't even know it.  

I see now why people make up character names for the folks at "the office" because you'll get chastised for speaking your mind on an independent site.  I am enough of a journalist to respect privacy.  I once got called out for talking about the sawill because "everybody knows that's where you work."  HIPPA is my friend and yours.  My time there has turned into a chaplaincy of sorts, meeting with the ones who know me and shooting the shit in between running lab tests and saving lives.  It's complicated and I'm just taking it a day at a time.

The repeal of the GOP healthcare thingy is a good thing.  What's so funny to me is that the moderates and right wingers worked against each other.  Maybe there is a God after all.  I've had a houseful of company this afternoon and all of them have better cars than me.  I guess that's why they come HERE!!

Plus, they love me big ~

Friday, March 24, 2017

grand theft bernie

As I was leaving the sawmill today one of the EVS guys asked me what happened to my Bernie bumper sticker. "You drive....that old Camry right? "  At that second I realized that I hadn't noticed it for awhile.  I found a stickerless bumper in the parking lot and was kind of amused that somebody would take the time to peel it off.  It's a collector's item, you know.  Anyway, maybe that's a sign that a new car is in my future.  One can always hope and pray for unicorns and rainbows.  Or even make your own!  

My friend and his family are on a vigil that is sacred and emotionally exhausting.  There are pregnant girls under stress and worn out mama'n'them.  I have looked squarely into the faces of so many dying people that I couldn't begin to estimate the souls that were passing over in the room where I was standing.  Nobody expects it.  Most are afraid of it.   Mama's last words to T were "don't leave me" and "don't let me hurt". 

There is a kinder and gentler way to pass on and sadly, for many it's not that way.  They die in hospitals doing diagnostics that show this that or the other resulting in referrals to their system.  They all work this way whether for profit or not.  The key word here is choice.  Most patients take what a doctor says as the gospel because well, they're a doctor.  Very few have the empathy and wisdom to say " do the next right thing."  Dr. A was one of those for my family.  Dr. C was another.  

Hospice is all about community...a coming together of people who care and want to ease the transition for entire families.  Elisabeth K Ross established a hospice for AIDS patients in Afton Virginia many years ago.  I've read probably every book she wrote.  I found it  an in the cosmos kind of thing when that is where my brother moved.  I'd have never heard of it except for EK.  And of course Earl Hamner over there on Walton's Mountain.  

I know, I think too much ~!


Thursday, March 23, 2017

age trumps intention

I used to adore spending hours in the yard piddling and pruning.  Like my father, I knew where everything was planted and what needed what kind of care.  When I first moved here there was a huge forsythia "tree" all wrapped in honeysuckle....big mess.  I tackled it like a trojan and cleaned it up to where it's a normal size bush.  There's some kind of cane thing that blooms in August...very unusual.  When it dies off you have to physically remove the canes for the new growth to emerge.  I did that today and it kicked my old ass.  Ryan takes very good care of my yard and has cleaned it up superbly but there's something in me that still wants to get out there and give it the old college try.  The tiny saplings that I bought for a buck from the Arbor Day foundation have grown into full size apple trees and one that is strictly for decoration.  That one is covered in multtflora rose which got me good.  I think I'll wait for the experts.  

Yesterday was a late one at the sawmill so I stayed up late and slept in.  I kept dreaming that I couldn't find my car which was disturbing.  It may be old and ratty but it's all I've got!  I think I'm afraid it's just gonna' give up the ghost and then I'll be really screwed.  One day at a time.

I miss my family, especially BG.  She's happy with life and in a good place but our work schedules don't often mesh for visits.  Plus, she has no ride so it's on me and the trusty Camry.  Every time I hit 412 I pray for safe travel.  I now wear my seat belt ALL the time thanks to two over eager troopers and the threat of a 50 buck fine for next offense.  I guess they made their point.

It is Daddy that I think of most at this time of the year.  We used to walk our respecdtive yards together to see what was poking up out of the earth.  There's some kind of ornamental flowering tree up by the pond near the by-pass right behind the beaver dam.  I've watched those delicate white blooms appear for many many years in my travels up and down the road.  Today I paused to take a picture.  

That cold spell did a number on the garden even though it was covered.  Hostas are up.  There are no tulips due to varmints.  Except for narcissus and grape hyacinth the show is pretty much over until iris time.  The azaleas are not looking at all well except for a random bloom.  Crepe myrtles are out of control except for the one Big John and Little Sharry gave me for my 40th birthday.  There are two dogwoods in the yard that I dug up MYSELF out of the ditch down the road and they are huge.  I miss having the physical stamina to do that sort of thing.  And the time.  

Y'all enjoy the day.  I'll be here doing laundry and attempting to clean the nasty ass house.  It looks much better, but still shows that I have adult ADD.


Wednesday, March 22, 2017

this one's for you

When I first met Pat and Tony she was the manager of a brand new deli and bar called "The Deli."  In my early twenties it was the place to hang out and drink beer, eat subs and shoot pool.  My future husband worked there as well.  It was owned by a long gone guy named Doober.  Eventually it was turned into a catfish restaurant and burned down which I'm sure was a big blaze because it was made out of logs.  Pat and I have crossed paths many times over the years, always with a hug and good memories.  Lately she's been pretty sick and I ran into her today.  I knew she had been reading the blog but didn't realize how much she LOVED it until we talked this afternoon.  That makes it all worth while to know that somebody is following the story.  

We got treated to pharma rep lunch today from a very nice Italian place and it's a good thing because nobody had much time to do anything but work like a demon.  After that I sat in my car for a few minutes and returned three hours later to find a dead battery because I left the key in the ignition with the lights on.  Duh.  A kind young man named Kurt boosted me off with his bright red Camry and there I let it run until it was time to make another delivery.  

While we were there Trish was notified of the death of her uncle which shook the whole family.  He was only 59 and already had an appointment on the books for cardiac intervention.  Death came calling first.  God speed to that family and all the others who are dealing with loss and grief like Dave's.  

I still don't recognize my brother's new truck and I passed him and saw Sally in the back so I walked up to chat for a minute about farm history.  A very BRIEF minute, by the way.  Not much on words, he always told Mama "a yes or no answer will do."  Gotta love him.  He had his sidekick with him as usual.  

In spite of today's drama ( and there was plenty ) it was a good one to be alive.  The sun was shining and a chilly breeze blew every time I was in and out.  I met the grandchild of a co-worker, a beautiful five year old named Emma and we immediately hit it off.  I watched in wonder as this child found joy in twirling around and around with a frog umbrella.  To be young again!

Namaste to you and your tribe ~

Tuesday, March 21, 2017


Today found me in a room that is quite familiar known as the "family room" for hospice patients.  I've been checking on my buddy for almost a week now and he is out of pain and resting.  Surrounded by family and friends, we shared stories and tears.  My father died in that room alone and it still haunts me that nobody was there with him.  At that time we were too busy trying to get Mama settled down and out of the midst of death.  The last words I heard Daddy speak were "hey Bubba" and "i want to die."  Happy trails Dave.  You are one of a kind.  And God bless hospice.

I visited the ER today and caught up with a nurse  I've that I've worked aroun for eons as well as a shared past as friends.  She looked weary like me and also can't even begin to think about retiring.  It is what it is and we're all in the same boat.  One of my favorite shows of all time is The Office.  The dark humor surrounding corporate ways makes me laugh my ass off.  I only wish I had somebody as cute as Jim for a boyfriend.

I've got a feeling that I might need some extra karma tomorrow so ya'll keep us lifted up.  I'm sitting back and watching in wonder as the future unfolds, one day at a time.  My focus is on engaging ONLY in happy shit or at least non-confrontational unless you need to listen to me type of stuff.  Rachel called today and was pretty confused about the whole other side of the road part of the story.  Now she's got the flu!  


Monday, March 20, 2017

like a good neighbor

I had an abbeviated day at the sawmill and headed home with big plans for working on the manual.  As I wandered through I noticed Bev's car in the driveway and I figured she was here to look at the garden.  She had other things on her mind like a cheating husband.  We sat on the swing in the breeze going over the details of lies and deceit that led her to what the reality is now for she and her 11 year old daughter.  I remember that feeling all too well.  BG was in fifth grade when we divorced the first time.  I distinctly remember telling Mrs. Eller about it at PT conference and she cried.  So did I.  

Families will weather the storm, no matter how bad it is.  When a split happens there are a lot of people involved but the kids are the ones who have to do the most adapating.  Having grown up in the Cleaver family I wouldn't know.  I do know that it made a dark and lasting impression on my daughter and me but we have weathered that storm together and are warrior women just like Bev and Mia will be.  And all the rest of our tribe!


Sunday, March 19, 2017

memory lane

Mamye is carless at the moment so I went out to Holly Springs cemetery to take her for a beer run.  We all used to party there back in the day.  As I was coming back through Fowlkes I remembered campaigning on that strip in the August heat for my brother who was in the sheriff's race.  Dude almost won too, which was remarkable for somebody his age against an incumbent good old boy.  In a small town, name can make a difference at the polling place.  39 votes short of victory.  He would have totally hated the job.  Little miracles.

I slept so long and so hard that when I went to get out of bed every single joint was aching, even my fingers.  I have accomplished next to nothing other than resting and piddling and that's what I need more than gold.  But, I'd take a little gold if it came my way!

Daddy's peony is doing GREAT and I'm excited to see those crimson blooms in my yard.  The little garden took a hit with the cold but part of it should make it.  That big mudhole of a torn up asparagus bed is trying to come to life.  There's a shitload of crowns laying on top if anybody's interested.  

Be kind and love one another ~

Saturday, March 18, 2017

the princess mayor

I had to run by the sawmill to approve my time and stopped by the gentral' for one thing.  I haven't seen Mozella in a week or two so I stopped by this morning to find her holding court in the den following breakfast.  Her daughter and daughter in law were there as usual and we visited and chatted about every little thing including the "great flood" where we all got trapped for a week.  Well, except for James Frank and his boat.  They told me about a fish jumping into it and him going apeshit trying to do something with it.   No telling what it was coming from the mighty Forked Deer.  We talked about my parents and missing them and about the future possibility of moving the cabin uphill.  I have a feeling there will be a TV crew and everything if it happens.  I know for sure my reporter friend Rachel has it on her radar.  

It's a beautiful day and all vegetation is uncovered and loving the sunlight.  There was a good rain last night along with thunder and lightning which is what lulled me to sleep.  12 hours later I still didn't want to get up but....so pretty outside!  I've always been able to sleep like the dead if I know there's nowhere to be.  

A Trumpy troll came after me on a post about the cuts to public television and the arts.  I responded intelligently and let it go.  There is no arguing with that flock.  Larry and I had a long conversation/gossipfest yesterday afternoon and he's almost ready to go back to work following heart problems.  A victim of the failing VA medical system he had to jump through a lot of hoops to get it done.  I'm surprised the budget cutters haven't decided to just privatize the whole thing, which may happen yet.  My mother was eligible for VA aid and assistance to help pay for her assisted living following Daddy's death.  It was filed in August and she died the following January without ever seeing a penny.  

My parents were part of a generation where folks were treated fairly and with good planning they were able to maintain a lifestyle that was comfortable.  As a retired USDA employee he drew about 3/4 of what he was making at retirement.  Mom had a teeny tiny monthly SS benefit because she worked for people who didn't pay in due to her employment status, namely the great state of Tennessee.  It's complicated.  

When I retire I will have the monthly SS "entitlement" which will cover my rent basically.  There's a teeny tiny lifetime pension from a previous employer which I already draw at a reduced rate.  Oh, and I pay federal taxes on it.  I'm hoping that at about the time I can't go anymore either Sugardaddy will show up or Lauren will take me in.  Maybe I can afford one of those cute little independent living apartments since I'll be technically poor.  I have no assets....nada.  

So, today there is no agenda and I like that feeling.  It's ideal for endless piddling which ends up with things a little more organized.  Y'all seize the moment, whatever it may be.  

Carpe diem ~