Wednesday, October 31, 2012

hump day happenings

Welcome to my little world here on Pecan Lane where crises are plentiful and fortitude in short supply. Today I am totally grateful to be where I am and not in three feet of cold water like those poor folks in Jersey. That was one HELL of a storm. Chris Christie was musing about how sad it is that the landscape of the beach is changed forever, just as Big Ernie intended I reckon. Anybody with any sense whatsoever should by now realize that global warming is not an inconvenient truth but a stark reality with the arctic ice melting at such a rapid pace. Hey...the water's got to to somewhere, ya know? I figure eventually it will be like in Waterworld where we all jump from ship to ship. I hope I'm watching from heaven by then, or at least on the beach with Morgan Freeman.

Today's mishap took place at the gas/chicken store as we stopped quickly for ten bucks worth. Frazzled and in a hurry I forgot to put the cap back on so you can guess what happened after that. No sign of it anywhere. Why was I not surprised? Thank goodness we have a guy around to help out with that kind of stuff because I'm clueless. One of my co-workers is like the biggest kid of Halloween ever and always does herself up right, planning for weeks and months who she will be. Even though I knew it was Halloween, I still screamed like an idiot when the door opened and her ugly monster walking dead face stared me down. I also had to remember that when some chick with shiny purple hair got out to pump gas.

The friend that I mentioned earlier has received her sentence and has begun serving as of Monday. Most people believe that justice was done, if it can be said that in any given tragedy someone must be held accountable. There were many times when she faced a fork in the road and took the freaky one just like the rest of us do sometimes. But someone died as a result. She is a sold gold memory in my heart of a tiny black haired baby girl being held by her daddy with myself a whopping eight months preggo looking down and wondering what my own child would be like. The road has been tough, and I feel very blessed right now in spite of no sugardaddy action.

I'm such a conspiracy theorist dreamer that I wondered today if Big Ernie sent Sandy to get everybody's heads out of their asses before the election. The last two days of early voting were kinda messy. I don't know for a fact, but I do believe I read a tweet or something saying that Gov. Christie is praising the President's response to this crisis. Bravo, sir. He needs a break from all the fools trying to run him into the ground over Libya e-mails. At lunch we talked about how top government officials can watch the world unfold in "real time" kind of like on the Truman show and that really creeped me out.

One of the sad stories wrought from Sandy is that of a mighty sailing vessel from the port of St. Petersburg that went down off the coast of North Carolina. They were trying to run east but she caught 'em in the lifeboats. Not all of them made it to shore. The stunning photos taken from the flood stricken areas are eerily similar to what we see on a regular basis now. We have had back to back historic floods followed by a severe drought with who knows what's coming up next. Nothing surprises me when it comes to Mother Nature.

Peace and love ^j^

Monday, October 29, 2012

and then the dog ate my homework...

Oh boy, ya'll. Now bear with me one more time and understand that I'm really not bright enough to dream all this shit up because my creativity is suffering tremendously from being wore ass out. Our one vehicle little family on a ramen noodle diet all made it to our appointed places today, including a FNP visit for me and a run to the pharmacy for some antibiotics. Nip that thing in the bud she said, 'cuz the fluid is BEHIND your eardrum now. After that was a mandatory meeting and by the time I got home that five AM alarm was a distant memory. As I was tromping across the street to see the nurse my mama called lining up a ride home for tomorrow. Check.

I rolled in right about the time the sun was slanting in the west and cleaned out the mess that is my trusty Camry with the hole in the muffler. After a few minutes of decompression I wandered into the office to see what was up and what I found made me stop dead in my tracks. There on the floor was my friend's Nook with Ryder's teethmarks all around the tiny little metal parts covering the electronics. She had loaned it to me so I could read "the dirty book" and of course it's been laying on the bedside table ignored. Ryder is pretty huge already and her head is at that level so, um. There ya' go. Holy. Shit. I promised to buy her a new one but it was from her son and that can't be replaced. Little black cloud, ya'll. It's my legacy.

People say that shit just happens and it's not personal when you're having a hard time. Mind over matter, right? There comes a point where one must accept that there have been too many promises not kept and it becomes dishonorable to even say "I promise." There are a lot of people in much worse shape than me and several million of them are in shelters tonight riding out the storm. All over God's green earth there is hostility and anger over turf wars that will go on until Big E decides he's had enough and shuts the whole show down one more time. I try really hard not to covet my neighbor but looking out at those who have so much and wondering how they can live with themselves without helping, it makes me say "hmmm."

I have seen the best and the worst of humanity in m lifetime. War has always been not only popular but well funded in developed countries around the globe. It is what keeps economies going and people employed. It is what gets government contractors hung on a bridge. And it it is what kills those soldiers whose loyalty is never in question, only mourned. Terrorism is not new by any means. It is a part of history that will remain for eternity because of the instillation of hatred into different religious sects. As an aging hippie, that makes me tired as hell. Peace and love kids. I mean, really.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

weekend update, not by seth

As seven day stretches go, this has been one of the most difficult emotionally for me in a looooooong time. I'm talking random people just checking to see if we're "okay." Faith came home yesterday afternoon and is recovering on my bed with Sammy on watch by her side. He always wanted to be her boyfriend, and in all ways but sexually he is! Ryder has passed her in stature now, a tall proud lab/something mix who looks like a deer. I know in my heart that the reason she had pups at such an advanced age was so that we could have a living part of her for many more years. She is old, and tired. The delivery almost killed her, and now this infection. I see the look in her eyes, the one that says please help me to die with dignity. And I will. I go to check on her now and then and when she hears my footsteps her eyes search for me. The breathing that was labored earlier is slowing down allowing her to rest. That, is what it's all about.

My sprunty little mama has decided to take one last road trip with the girls to Pickwick. The plan is that her seventy something year old paid "driver" will deliver her to an 80 year old friend's house and they will continue on their journey with Ms.J at the helm. If I didn't think she needs to go worse than I need a sugardaddy, I'd be concerned but gotta go someway. Daddy looks better since the home health folks picked him back up as a client. While he still stares at his watch and ODs on Bonanza, he's in a much better mood with the tweak in meds and some personal care. One day at a time, ya'll.

My friend Sue has just returned from a tour of several countries including Israel. I'm sure she'll have tales to tell once she recovers from the jet lag that always accompanies that type of trip. The last few times I saw her prior to the trip, my parting words were a damn good imitation of a middle eastern terrorist...AYEAYEAYEAYEeeeee! A staunch Democrat with views that are dang near identical to my own, she is a joy to be around. Nothing gets us going faster than somebody talking about how good Dubya is. Ack and barf.

It got cold last night for the first time and I can breathe MUCH better because of it. One of the big reasons I don't like central gas heat is because it's so dry and irritating. My friend who works at the salt cave says it will cure what ails you in the respiratory department and she would know. She's been parked there between clients for a couple of weeks now. When she stayed with me for a month last year her bed was the couch in the cold living room with a portable heater fan next to her head and clothes hanging in the doorway to dry. Fun times.

There is a young lady that I know who is facing a very serious matter in court this week, a sentencing for something that happened several years ago. As a result of her drug abuse, a woman was killed in a collision involving this young girl. I have very mixed emotions about all of it as I know the family of the lady who was killed as well. It is a tragedy that affected two families and it's up to the court system to dole out her punishment. She's been clean and sober since the accident, through intense rehab and family support. Shortly after her accident, her father was struck and killed by a drunk driver and the irony of that hangs in the air still, a constant reminder of the old saying "what goes around comes around." There is no justice in that though. It's all in Big Ernie's plan.

The holidays are approaching which is always a big deal for some folks...not so much for me anymore. We rarely give gifts and do well to manage a meal together to say thanks or merry Christmas. When I think back now to how in debt I used to go just to give people stuff on Jesus' kinda sorta birthday, I realize the truth that lies in the "reason for the season." Thanksgiving dinner is becoming a thing of the past with many folks opting for a restaurant to avoid intensive cooking and cleaning. Most businesses run normally on that day and employees are forced to squeeze in time with family between shifts. I've always worked on holidays so it's not a biggie.

I'm still sorting and sifting which is a divine way to piddle and discover things to do crafty stuff with. My frame partner is pretty busy but will get to it when time allows. He is the kind of guy who will not only buy the parts for a tuneup but do it in the parking lot at work! Good friends are always appreciated. He needs the extra money just like I do so here we go being artistic and whatnot.

I could do worse than to dream big ^j^

Friday, October 26, 2012

sick as a dog

The vet and I talked twice today and the second time was about whether Faith was ready to come home today. "He's eating well and doing fine but I still need to check and see if there is air in there so maybe I'll keep him here tonight." Hmm, I'm thinking. "It's up to you whether to come get him." "He can stay here tonight and we'll watch him or you can try it at home." It's like rainy and gloomy and "he" was still bleeding a little bit from the "tubes" so I said let's just see how it goes and leave "him" there. Nobody has to go drag her sick old butt out in the weather. Everybody went on about their business here at the house.

About fifteen minutes later I got another call from a very embarrassed vet explaining that she had the wrong dog when we were talking! Being a healthcare provider myself, I know how that's easy to do and even more so when the clients can't tell you their names. I'm still smiling about how cute it was, and Faith is on the way home shortly to snuggle with the fam on a chilly wet Friday night at home. All three of us people are sick as well with colds brought on by the changing of seasons, mold and whatnot. Oh, and the cold rain. I've got my eye on a heater at the big box store that I know for a fact will do a small room quite efficiently and there's some weatherstripping in my future as well. Last winter was so mild that we managed to slip through with little central heat. You never know what Big Ernie's gonna throw our way this time around.

I am assuming that Ms O's earthly body has been laid to rest by now and am still quite teary over the the way she struggled at the end. Though I have been witness to the process of people dying many times, it never ceases to amaze me how strong the will to live can be when it comes right down to it. The last words that I whispered to her were that it was okay to let go. She had fought the good fight and lived a good life. Memories of her will go to the grave with me, a spunky little pistol of a woman who insisted on smoking and drinking way past when the doctors said STOP. Yet she made it to 80 in reasonably good health and enjoyed life by telling stories and making jokes in that authentic British accent. She is between my mother and father in age, and I suspect that the entire ethereal reason for her coming into MY life in redneck town TN was to prepare me for what's in my future. Yeah, I think too much. God bless you Ms. O and thanks for all of the joy that you brought to my life.

Got beer? Check. Food? Check. That's about the shape of things on the lane for weekend eve. It's good enough for me ^j^

Thursday, October 25, 2012

babylon and pymetra

If you're like me, you've never heard of either of them until they become a major problem. Babylon is some kind of thing that takes over Firefox (even after un-installation) and redirects at will which totally pisses me off. Obviously many others have had the same problem because there's a shitload of advice on the Mozilla support site about how to get rid of the bitch. I did it once before and I'll be damned if it didn't come back! How in the world do folks know what to do when there are all sorts of techno wizards out there figuring out ways to eff up a browsing experience. Word to the wise: Babylon as search engine, toolbar and whatever else it does is a pain in the butt when used in conjunction with Firefox.

Pymetra is what Faith had surgery for yesterday and we picked her up after work smiling and happy to be home. It is a life threatening uterine infection that can affect both dogs and cats who have not been spayed, usually about a month after they come out of heat. Which is exactly how it happened to her! She began to bleed and bloat and of course we thought she was pregnant again. After examination by the vet it was determined that she had this BAD uterine infection so they had to spay her at the age of ten! Oh.My.Lord. Almost six hundred bucks. Add that to a tire blowout earlier in the week and you can imagine how I'm waiting not so patiently for payday at midnight. I've been robbing Peter to pay Paul all week, scurrying daily to the bank to cover that day's mishaps. Today's deposit was a big fat twenty cents to cover a .17 overdraft in order to avoid a service charge of 32 bucks. *sigh* This is my life and my favorite window teller totally got a snicker out of it. Anywho...after we got Faith home last night, she continued to bleed from her incision site after straining really hard to make a poop so she had to go back in today for another overnight visit with the critter people. "Observation." She's doing well, happy and healthy...just a routine surgical complication that may require more resolution in the morning. One more good reason to get your female canine fixed ASAP not ten years later!

The grands are hobbling along trying to run the freakin' world from that red log cabin down the road and it's about to take a toll on this old gal in addition to all the other various and sundry dramas that seem to keep popping up. We're on a more positive slope now with most of that but I am more than tired. As my dear friend Marti Ann used to say "I'm weary." Mom is more and more on a mission daily to either find something long gone or get something done in spite of the fact that she's blind and can't walk. I walked in the other day to find her on her knees in the closet looking for a particular outfit that was not even there but hanging in the cabinet with the rest of her stuff. Whenever she can't find something, she routinely calls to ask if I borrowed it. Somebody hold me now!!

We've got the lane posted and law enforced so the crackheads are not as abundant as last pecan season. There's a cold snap coming which is probably nothing compared to that "perfect storm" brewing on the east coast. Sometimes it's a blessing to live inland. My yankee friends came out to pick the other day only to find that they know very little about pecans in general and picking specifically. But hey..they had a good time outside!

My favorite patient ever passed away last evening, my inspiration in the spitfire department. Since she married a serviceman and moved here from England many years ago and there are no family other than said husband, there will be no wake or service, per her request. I have a call into him to ask permission to accompany he and the funeral director to the cemetery and pay my respects. I reckon it'll be just the three of us if he calls back. If not, I will always know in my heart that she loved me like the daughter she never had and I was her "favorite nurse." I will always remember the way her fact lit up when I entered the room.

All prayers appreciated and felt ^j^

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

little black cloud

As my late friend George would say "Oh, BOY!" When it rains it pours is an understatement when considering the current situation here on our lane. As usual I had good intentions of watching the debate live and recorded it instead. That will give me something to watch when the teevee is cut off. I mentioned that Faith has been ill and found this morning that she has a massive uterine infection and needs to be spayed this afternoon. *sigh* We are struggling with a lot of internal issues as well so there ya go..time to get back to basics. Like letting go and letting Big Ernie guide this boat instead of me doing all the rowing. I know....DUH.

That being said I'll brag on the gorgeous weather that greets me every single day lately and give thanks. Also for the frozen hot dogs and HB in the freezer. I have several office managers seriously on my ass for not making regular payments and I must admit that I've not been a responsible health care consumer by not following up on what my (very expensive) insurance pays. This is something that should be carefully considered during these days prior to the election. I stopped by the beer store today and found Money Mike and his girl up in there bashing Mittens for all that the GOP stands for, most especially throwing money at the military. He is home grown Hindu with zero tolerance for the age old wars going on in the middle east. Always thus and so, just like my daddy says.

I need a vacation, a sugardaddy and lots of prayers, in no particular order.


Monday, October 22, 2012

saving faith

It was a Norman Rockwell scene if ever there was one, ya'll. Me and WA cuz and Kathy Rose visited with the grands today with me sitting on the carpet stretching the whole time. I spotted a trail of blood next to daddy's ear and followed it up with a phone call to home health. His glasses which he sleeps in and everything are digging into the side of his head and ear. Oh.My.God. Ms Faye had just left when I pulled into the gravel driveway of my homeplace to find mama worried to death because she doesn't have a basket for her walker because I've been too busy working and whatnot. She didn't even have to get up out of her recliner today as they recounted tales from days gone by and we all knew the cast of characters. I even heard a new one about my drunk Uncle Harp who fell in the ditch! I fondly recall going to my daddy's family reunions as a child in Blue Mountain MS where the pie was home made and the chicken freshly fried.

We've kinda sorta been on a journey around here searching for a therapy provider in our neck of the woods and as it turns out unless you're coming from jail and have no insurance, you're out of luck. Many of them are funded by grants and religious organizations which means if you don't agree with their doctrine, give it up. Kinda' like a cult, if you know what I mean. I find myself more and more just wanting peace and quiet, particularly with nature. There is something very empowering about chilling. The most successful treatment models always employ a 12 step program of some sort for any type of behavioral issues and/or or substance abuse. There are some folks who think that if it's not about Jesus then you're just dead wrong.'s their money so the can portray god in any way that they believe. Me? I'm more of a Big Ernie type of gal. Thanks be to him I've got some apologies to make.

Faith has been sick for a week now and BG took her to the vet for some antibiotics and stuff. She is, at the ripe old age of ten, knocked up again so it seems. Things don't look too good for her this time around. Back in the spring she delivered seven pups in her first time as mom and only two of them survive. On one of my trips to and fro today I passed the guy who lives all the way down by the dead end next to the river. He's got a four wheeler and a nice wife and a lot of tales to tell, I feel sure. The Carter family cemetery is perched on a hill right before you get to his driveway up in Gerald's yard. Many times there are kids and dogs with him out to see what's up with the day. I have always been the faithful type, choosing to believe lies that people tell me or extending trust when it's not really a smart thing to do considering recent history. My bad. Eyes wide open now and ready to get my life back.


Sunday, October 21, 2012

toil and trouble

I am currently typing my way toward a long autumn's nap with the dogs. We had a Halloween party for about a kazillion kids and assorted grown up superheroes and I was in awe of what one family can do when it comes to childhood memories. The youngest member of the tribe is only about a month out-of-womb so he got held close in the cool October evening air. Anna and her crew decorated for two days and brought wood for a bonfire, boy scout style. There was a devil who got scared as hell when all the troopers went down the steps to where the fog and cobwebs were. It wasn't long until I saw her dancing around the fire with a pitchfork. Scary stuff, people. The Cubs player took 'em all on a hayride where several folks jumped out and screamed just in time to scare their little selves to death. And then? I found twin Waldos. You can't make this shit up!

BG Daddy came by today and we sat and talked as a family for the first time in forever. We're on a mission together and I do believe that Big Ernie is all up in that these days. As for me? I'm wore ass out from all the drama. Thank goodness my peeps understand and cut me some slack when it's time to escape from point A to point B. He's somewhat of a bigot but I totally understand from whence he came. My experience in race relations was a much kinder gentler version. Son and Ms.Lockey lived across the road and had all manner of chicken houses and hog pens. My first memory of wading in the water was the backwater from the Forked Deer behind their house which is long gone. Now it's just a gathering place for farm equipment.

Nobody much can express their true opinions anymore even in a blog without being labeled as a trouble maker of some sort. My daily bread includes HuffPost and CNN for the breaking news and or political updates. That is the Poopie version of fair and balanced, umkay? While most voters already have their minds made up, I'm not one of them. Never fear ya' precious ballot will not go to Mittens. There are a couple of dark horses in this race who just might make a difference if we listen to reason and just say no to the two party system. My liberal friends are putting their faith in the president in spite of birthers and mean SS teachers and whatnot. And the Boy Scouts, for god's sake!! Just like the priests. Celibacy is not for sissies.

I was a little bit tipsy the other night and rented The Raven on PPV. I must say that I much prefer my celebrity boyfriend to be the dog lover or honest rancher rather than the wanderer of streets like a freakin' madman. But then again? As Jon Lovitz would say "It's ACTING!!!!" Everybody knows that there's a final debate coming up and I wonder how many folks will actually tune in and listen to what the candidates (and fact checkers) have to say. George McGovern would wonder as well. Dead at the age of 90, bless his heart, he led the mission to dethrone Tricky Dicky. We all know how that one turned out what with Watergate and all. There is a growing movement of conspiracy theorists, much more numerous since 9/11 and I am one of them. Looking over my shoulder I see the Cuban missile crisis and Camelot and a shitload of good old boys who got their way because the sheeple didn't take time to make up their own minds and voted along party lines instead. It's much easier than being engaged in the process. Ditto for all the wars since WWII.
That's all the wisdom I have for today. Stay tuned for more dances around the harvest fire ^j^

Friday, October 19, 2012

where there's a will

Day two of two away from the sawmill fund me tromping up there to try and get a diagnostic scheduled as ordered by my FNP. It takes a freakin' act of Congress to get it scheduled because they are only done once a day. She scheduled it in her office but I would have had to cover the co-pay on it which is written off by my employer..a very nice perk. Lest we think that they're being overly nice, that makes up for the 500 hours of sick time that most of us old timers lost in the sale. It all comes out in the wash I reckon. Besides, if Romney wins and starts handing out vouchers we can all just find our own medicine doctor and practice herbal stuff. I have seen privatization utilizing politically tainted contracts in our very own TennCare model. The first five years of that program were a cash cow for pharmacies and physician offices, many of them managed by people who cared little or nothing about the clients. It was during this time that fraud was rampant in the physician's office via self referral of diagnostics. Vendors were rolling in money for free food to entice the medical community to buy the biggest and best there is to offer in terms of lab analyzers and other diagnostic instruments. However, most docs have realized that the headache of having to sustain a practice in this day and time is becoming more and more out of their league, thus they practice for corporations. Not a bad deal, all things considered.

There is a certain peace that comes with looking back at all that struggle and learning in healthcare and realizing that my specialty is only a small part of the big picture, one that most folks don't even know exists except for when the doc spouts out numbers of critical values at their bedside. The clinical lab is usually under the direction of a pathology group as is the histo side of things. He or she is the one who looks at biopsies and say yeah or nay on the suspicious cells. Radiologists read the images that are made by their techs and add to the diagnosis. Nurses are expected to be able to pull all that together for the doctor while providing basic patient care. It's a way of life that can be very stressful and tiring but provides lots of opportunity to "do no harm". Mistakes happen in our industry just like any other but when the human life is involved it's ever so important to remember that doctors are not perfect, nor is the science of healthcare. Gross negligence is one thing, and there is plenty of that to go around, mind you. HOWEVER: There are more ambulance chasing personal injury attorneys per square mile in West Tennessee than any other place on earth. Morgan and Morgan my ass. Oh, and Corey B. Trotz!! You can thank these idiots for the price of a doctor's office today.

Lunch with my WA cuz was fun and involved adult beverages which is always good. It feels like cheating to have a margarita with lunch because normally I have to go back to work. We talked easily and intimately about a number of issues that are facing both of us. She is five years older and a whole bunch wiser in many ways. We have a lot in common as I trudge my way toward 60. Her sister died not too long ago so it's up to her and a handful of others to watch after her 86 year old mom. I visited my parents' today and found Ms Faye cooking fresh greens and beans for lunch, bought at yesterday's farmer's market by the church. While I was counting pills (and daddy was staring at his watch) I heard Mama rambling around in the closet with her blind self looking for a particular bright blue outfit given to her by Carrie because it was Ms. Ruth's. She's like that with her clothes and it'd become a priority since she found out what she thought was pink was actually red and nothing matched. *sigh* I do good just to have on two of the same socks, ya know?

We feared that Faith was pregnant again after this last round, and she probably was considering all the blood around here lately. The birth in February just about did her in, ya'll. Nine years is way too old for babies. Ryder is already huge at 7 months with long lanky legs and a peculiar head that's cute as hell. Oscar is mean as heck, and Sam can be really annoying and needy. Lily is just a bitch, pure and simple. She's probably paying me back for almost killing her as a kitten with doggie meds. Note to self: When it says on the box "do not use on cats" take heed. That baby had seizures for 24 hours!

It's quiet here today with only the whir of the central unit moving around the dusty air in this old house. The ceiling fan in the office that magically began turning again after five years has stopped again. I'm sure there's a message up in there somewhere especially for me from Mrs.Council.

Happy weekend ya'll.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

the final crop

Generally, pecans start to fall in early October and by November it's party time for pickers. Seeing as how our lane is lined with hundred year old wild trees that's a bunch of 'em. The past few years there has been mucho traffic out here on a dead end road what with the crackheads coming out to steal them. Mr. Paul doesn't get out anymore but I think he's still alive. I will never forget having to call the ambulance when he passed out picking and eventually watched him hop back into the truck and drive around the ambulance that had responded to my call. The one big dude just stood back because he KNEW how old guys can be when they're on a mission. Kinda like my daddy :)

One of my few cousins from daddy's tribe is in town to visit her mother so we're gonna hook up and discuss the state of the fam. Her mom is 86 and while she's still looking good and going strong, like all Staffords she rarely knows when it's time to either ask for help or quit. Donna is a beautiful woman, a veteran flight attendant who got pushed out by one of the major airlines as she aged. Her hub is an artist and they have lived all over the place, now calling coastal Washington their home. Poor thing sat next to a guy who sneezed all the way from Seattle to Memphis and ended up with the epizootie for a few days. Looking forward to a relaxed visit with her on a couple of days off from the sawmill.

As we all know, the budget doesn't allow for many electronic items so I spend a tremendous amount of time sitting behind a desk topped with an ancient Dell. That's okay though, because I'm on my feet all day at worn out tennis shoes, no less. I spent my shoe money on dinner with friends the other night so I'm trying to make 'em last a little longer. Mama gave me her giant heating pad because she knows all about the back and neck pain and just how hard it is to keep the whole boat floatin' sometimes. The maddest I've ever seen her is over how daddy doesn't respect other people's sacrifices and time. That's what FTD will do to an old guy. Factor in blindness and disability and you've got a case study in home care that works. I see transition here in every day and everything that I do which is not a bad thing by any means.

Tomorrow is KY cuzin's birthday and she's always a year younger but much wise in the areas of canning, culinary delights and HVAC, Oh and also dog breeding. Right now it looks like we've got big weather coming with a cold front behind it. Today was hot and windy which is a reliable prelude to severe weather adjacent to the Mighty Mississippi. Something about that muddy water that just gives life to a line of super cells! The sand bars are everywhere now because of drought. The puppies and I went over to the slough across the road yesterday only to find that it's nothing more than a mud puddle at the base of beautiful stand of trees. My friend and I used to explore there on his four wheeler and he always had a machete in hand to clear the trail. Redneck woman? You bet.

I have two days off so expect a lot of nonsense unless I get into Michelle's nook. I have a feeling it'll all be over but the reading when that happens.

Peace out ^j^

Monday, October 15, 2012

having a seinfeld moment

Sometimes, well actually a LOT of the time I feel like a player in some ensemble cast of people like Jerry and Elaine with Kramer busting through the door at any given moment. Life is so freakin' random now, or maybe it always has been and I just never stopped to notice. I distinctly remember how secure and "in control" I felt with life until BG started walking and talking. Everything since then is a blur, and that's quite a few years to try to recapture. But I'm trying. As I faithfully go through this house and say a pre-goodbye, I remember little things and the pictures of them that I always took. BG learning to ride her bike in the gravel driveway, daddy right by her side letting go when she mastered it. This dog or that, whomever was ours at the time, romping in leaves or snow or just the morning dew. Views of the sunset across the road from me, never failing to set same place/same time. That brings me a lot of comfort in terms of hope and faith.

BG thought she had a taker for the puppy in the bud box but it didn't work out so she got picked up by Brandi and taken to meet Carlee and be re-named Layla. It suits her because she's just too precious to be a bud! I have an opportunity to do some exploratory framing and sharing of farm art via barnwood framed photos and that is what's on my mind for the next few months. Well, that and keeping warm with no propane. I'm thinking it's electric blanket time pretty soon. The weather is still quite moderate and beautiful but an allergy sufferer's nightmare. The colors are dazzling in the sunlight but I also like a gray backdrop for them as well..there's just nothing NOT to enjoy about spring and fall.

I wonder sometimes if my years here on earth will have made a difference in the big picture. There are a select few that have specific memories but what about the raging tide and whatnot. Are un-famous schmucks like me the ones who really keep running the wheel while entertainment stars and politicians rake in millions? You bet. Professional sports and movies while highly enjoyable are a big chunk of cash that could go toward feeding hungry kids in our own country who just need a chance on the road out. A friend of mine took in just that in a young homeless man who needed a place to start over. She's precious, and I would do the same if I didn't have a house full of people. Nah. I'd just leave the light on and go about my business which usually includes a lot of wandering. I suppose that is a part of the letting go, looking out from my home at every angle of beauty that lies beyond the ancient windows. And I feel blessed beyond words.


Saturday, October 13, 2012

out and about

I rarely go out to dinner because: a. It's not in the budget and b. once I'm home I hate getting back out. Yep...that's what happens when you get old. Last night I went out with BG and Anna for some Mexican and it was fun to just get out and see somebody besides the dogs..LOL. Speaking of which, we have five at the moment. I'm babysitting this six week old puppy that got dropped off at a friend's work...little bitty fiest looking thing, cute as pie. She cried like a baby until I put her on the bed, now whe's sleeping like one. You just never know what a day will bring.

It's a beautiful day in the hood, probably one of the last few warm and sunny ones so I should be outside and will be later. Maybe a nap first ;) It looks really strange around here with the cotton fields empty...all brown and drab. Leaves are turning slowly reminding me that this growing season has almost reached its' end. One of my longtime dreams has been to have a greenhouse so I can grow stuff all winter. I went so far as to download a building plan but it never happened because of the cost. That was back in the day when a large part of my paycheck went to the guy with the nursery up the road. A funky little place in a couple of shacks, he had everything you could imagine, even tropicals. Between the arbors were wildflowers and other perennials. Just.Like.Heaven. He sold it to family and they closed it within a year.

The grands are quiet so I'm assuming all is well. They talk to one of us every day and Ms Faye is in charge along with home health. As long as it works, it is what it is. I know most of the home health team and we keep it pretty straight along with the wonderful geriatric doc they've got and his nurse. He understands the situation and allows the time to tweak meds and check mental statuses. Most doctors these days don't allow time for conversation with the patient and family...they just run 'em through like cattle. We got lucky with this guy. Originally from CO, he and his family are visiting there now.

I've backed off on politics because it's getting really dirty now and that's just not my style. I've been attacked on FB several times just for being my moderate self by people who barely know me and who become immediately unfriended. If they're gonna talk to me like that about my opinion without respect for middle ground, to hell with them. There are plenty of other people to pick a fight with out there who will agree with you. That's what blows my mind most aboutthe GOP...the negativity and anger involved in their campaigns. Granted, some Dems do it as well but they usually get called down by people like me who just want to get along. Another thing I've noticed about Republicans is that they feel a real need to convert you out of "love" and whatnot. I mean after all, it makes total sense to kill people on death row but not unborn babies. Pro-life? I think not.

The thing that bothers me most every single day is the length, cost in both money and lives and ultimate non-purpose of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I mean for real...the troops are tired and scared and need to be here with their families securing our own borders and getting ready for drone attacks and WWIII. This occupation is the longest war that the US has ever been involved in because really? There was no purpose other than to say "gotcha" to the terrorists. Somehow, it has backfired.

That's all I've got for today, but it's early so stay tuned for other random crazy events. And remember who you are ^j^

Thursday, October 11, 2012

phoneless in tennessee

For the third time this year and second time THIS MONTH my phone has gone rogue requiring much retracing of steps and whatnot to retrieve said piece of crap lifeline and all of the magic numbers therein. Nobody would steal it because it's not smart at all but I guess somebody with a lot of determination could use it to call all over the world setting up a terrorist attack that would be traced right back to Pecan Lane. The first time I was rushing around moving my mom from hospital to nursing home and left it on top of the car while driving off. The hubs of one of my childhood friends found it in the parking lot and it made its' way back to me. The two most recent incidents were in the public bathroom at work and luckily both time it was retrieved. BG called me this afternoon while I was backtracking and got one of the nurses who had found it and returned it to my co-workers. We don't even have a switchboard or lost and found anymore so we're on our own to take care of each other!
I'm still a month away from upgrade so I was pretty worried, nah...frantic!! When rushing around robbing Peter to pay Paul that is not what a girl needs when there's no happy pill in the house. Just sayin'.

My brother will hopefully be a grandfather soon as his year old border collie is having a conjugal visit with his choice of male. I've accompanied him to get two babies from litters in a neighboring county. The "crazy dog lady" also has cats and all other types of critters. His first pick was Bandit, a beautiful red and white with steel blue eyes like Paul Newman. He lives on a busy highway and one day Bandit managed to get out of the pen and get hit. I've never seen my brother so upset in my life. Border collies are a farm guy tradition handed down from my daddy the cattle man. He never had much luck with them because they were mostly penned up and ran for it when they got the chance. His last attempt ended up with the poor dog falling out of the truck bed and being drug down the highway. After that, he just didn't have it in him to care about a dog.

I am such an animal lover that I'll almost take a ditch to keep from hitting a critter like bunnies and squirrels. Snakes, I have no problem squishing with the trusty old Camry. Almost 90K miles total, and only about 40 on the new engine. Sure, it needs some work but it's kinda sorta paid for and my credit is so bad I'll never get another one. Meanwhile, things are cooling on down many days and we're learning to layer up and do without propane until the pipes freeze. Then, who knows what we'll do. I don't worry about it is what it is. If worst comes to worst, I'll sleep on the couch at my parents' house. It's warm there!!

It's ladies night so maybe I'll manage to stay up past 7PM. Or not. Ya'll remember who you are.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

leap of faith

My schedule changes a lot according to who's working and who needs the day off and whatnot. Most of the time I'm due in at six AM so it's still dark when the alarm goes off. Last night the cotton pickin' crew was at it until after bedtime so I watched their headlights through the window and thought about how much cotton is being picked here in the space of a week. Gotta beat that weekend rain, ya know. My alarm went off at 4:45 as usual and I hit snooze only it didn't call back so I woke up at five minutes 'til six and called my co-workers to tell 'em I was on the way. Sondra called back as I was brushing my teeth and told me I wasn't due until eight. Holy.Moly. If it wasn't for good luck, I'd have no luck at all.

I heard that tonight is when Joe Biden and Rick Santorum Paul Ryan are set to debate on the state of our union and foreign affairs. As usual, I will skip the live crap and get spoon fed the next day by the media. *snort* Ya'll all know that's how I roll. At this point in time, I could care less who is president. The issues that face us in the days prior to the election are something that neither can fix unless Congress gets rid of the idiots. I had to giggle today when I read that Sesame Street asked O not to use Big Bird in his ads when all Romney could come up with was that the debate moderator is a friend of the president. Already he's whining. I also heard about a representative from my HOME state, the Volunteer one, that was a walking womanizer for years and strongly urged his GF at the time to have an abortion, the very thing that republicans rail against. I'm sure sex addiction is on the list too.

I readily ask for help when I need it because hey..I'm getting on up in years and know my limits. My legacy from the grands is a double dose of oseteoarthritis and a strong family history of colon cancer. As I type some of the finest farmers that I know are winding up a cotton season plagued by the very same drought that stunted the corn. Just like the grapes of wrath, ya'll. BG took me to work and spent the rest of her day helping one of her "kids" make out birthday invitations. There is a job interview scheduled which is something positive if we can just figure out how to get a few more months out of the Neon. The very same one that got her to UTM and back for that social work degree.

Honestly, I don't know what I'm gonna do when Weeds is over this year. Even though I don't have the premium channel that airs it, I enjoy going back in time with the Botwin/Newmans. I notice something new every time..thanks TV Guide channel! I ran into old friends at the sawmill today but am not allowed to talk about it other than how happy I was to see them and get hugs. Then, out of the blue, a less old friend showed up in the parking lot while in town for business just to see me for a minute. It's a long story that will go to the grave with me and always includes smiles and hugs. Like I said, blessed to the max.

And yourself?

Saturday, October 6, 2012


I can't remember where I first heard that term as used to describe people who blindly follow authority. I've never quite been one of them, tending instead to be the one to open mouth/insert foot while proclaiming my beliefs. Normally some tanked up conservative will try to pick a fight and it's on until I get tired of playing and shut up. Right now we have two viable dogs in the fight for the WH unless old Gary pulls a big one and gets his party up in there. Now THAT would be history! It's amazing how far some people will go to please the ones at the top of the pecking order. Sometimes at work, it comes with the job which you need to pay the mortgage so. bite your tongue a lot. Obedient, I am not. Two years with Bev taught me to get on over that little good girl thing and put the next level of panties on which are big. She also pointed out to me that I was using an extra 20 pounds as a shield against dealing with my sexuality. That's what pissed me off enough to cut it off, which was probably the whole point. I was done with what she had to teach me as a woman and friend.

Fifty years ago today I was at school on Pate Street when Mr. Bruce came and got me out of class for a coke in the teacher's lounge. He told me that my mama had just given birth to my second little brother which was probably not what I wanted to hear but, it was what it was. He turned into a full of life child who kept us all entertained as we sat around the kitchen table eating home grown food and watching him do the little shake thing he did in the high chair. When I look at the man he has become, I'm amazed in many ways that he was brave enough to venture out and break away from the "don't own so can't defend" tradition here. When he wanted a car at 16 he went to the bank and got a loan on his own without my parents. How that happened, I will never know. His soul is rooted in farming and nature but his interests have shifted toward the organic side which is something we have in common now. I read the other day that to even plant an organic cotton field, it needs to be spray free for three years. The owners and defenders could leave a huge carbon footprint with this place.

My only outing today consisted of a dollar store run and pill counting. After that it was straight back home to watch Weeds with the dogs. They love it when I sit still, and that show always does the trick. With Chelsea I'll still get up and wander, and movies are sometimes a problem unless they're REALLY good as in either funny or good drama. I am currently reading "No Easy Day" and sort of into it, soaking up the details of what the military does to defend our country and safety. There is nothing classified in the entire book so he says, all public knowledge. So what's the deal ya'll?

A huge cold front blew through last night with thunder and lightning plus a twenty degree drop in temps. The colors are starting which is something we always enjoy and it makes for great pics. The chill reminds me to get current with propane guy so that we don't freeze in January. As for the rest of 'em, stand in line. There's only one of me and I'm doing the best I can.

Keep the faith kids ^j^

Thursday, October 4, 2012

the last word

BG wouldn't let me watch the debate but I've heard enough chatter to know that it didn't go well for the prez and you know who was declared the "winner." First of all people, a true debate as defined features a moderator who keeps questions and answers on point as well as can be inspected and guide those chewing on the issues through to another topic. Plus keep them from killing each other or getting suicide bombed. Perhaps the choice of an elderly classy gentleman like Lehrer was not a smart one considering how they appear to have paid absolutely NO attention to his guidance and each did their own thing while being totally disrespectful. One piece I read said that Romney came out "with a chain saw" and put President Obama on the defense immediately. His quiet avoidance of Romney's aggressive behavior is something that I have to respect in this particular situation. If somebody's gonna end up looking like a money grubbin' drama chaser, let it be him. Apathy is a word that I've heard over and over again because the two choices are neither really GREAT as in "god save the nation" great, but I do believe one knows more about being a multicultural little guy. I don't care if he's Muslim or where he was born or even about the taxes. I may or may not vote, and have been chastised for expressing that.

When President Obama took office, things had just hit bottom economically with the end coming up quick. Looking back, I would have skipped the bank/auto/whatever bailouts and given all of my daughter's generation forgiveness on student loan debt.'s a win win. That money will go back INTO the cash flow that is our country to be used for buying local goods rather big box store mega runs. You back in the good old days. I'm bright enough to know that it's about more who is President and Congress has those pesky lifelong bigots good old boys from the south that just make my skin crawl. If term limits had been put in place decades ago, it wouldn't be so easy to keep the status quo.

I have followed a combat reporter named Michael Yon for years now as he's gone through embeds with various units worldwide in the hunt for terrorists. A former service member himself, he valiantly fought to show America what was going on with our kids over there and it wasn't pretty. He caught a lot of shit for that too, by the way. Over the last few years I've seen the fire go out as he went from an attitude of pride and optimism about helping others in faraway lands only to find that the weaponry and hatred that they possess are not worth slaughtering our own. If they want to come find us here and blow us be it. The least we can do is be ready ya'll! Damn. Thanks for your work MYon. I have traveled the world virtually with you and feel just like I was there.

It's nice and warm but getting cold this weekend with a big northern blast moving in. Bring it on, I say.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

blast from the past

One of my old friends from back in the kid raising days was here and gone before anybody knew it but she made a point to visit for delivery of a box of books on CD for my mom. Her mother is blind as well and she thought of us when she was getting some for her. With a husband in the publishing business, she has pretty easy access to the deals ;) We couldn't stop talking, trying to catch up on who's been doing what for the past 12 or so years. The trip from upstate New York is quite long, and they drove non-stop to get here for a funeral. She has kids scattered across the country and so does her hub, but I think they'll retire back here in TN. I found out things about her I didn't know, but it was still just like she'd never left. As I watched the colors melt over pristine white cotton fields with shadows making art and fluffy white clouds above, I realize that not only was THAT a gift from Big Ernie, but so many other things that I must force myself to stop and notice.

I guess the 47% of us who are not real keen on R*R will tune in to see what words of wisdom he will impart on us this evening. As you know, we depend on the government for everything and refuse to take responsibility for our own lives. Especially those of stuck in the freakin' basement level middle class. Like me, for instance. When I look at the kind of money that is floating around this election, I die a little bit each time I think about how many kids go hungry and old people get neglected. Not to mention that us baby boomers are stretched to the breaking point. If things continue to go in the direction of Obamacare, there is a great opportunity (as Romney implemented in his own state) to cut abuse by both providers and patients. His stupid remark about using ERs is just beyond comprehension. I bet every board member of everything healthcare organization will vote for him too because Wall street types stick together. The Obama plan suggests exchanges which (if kept honest and accountable) will monitor wellness as well as refer new and existing issues to a much smaller network, if you will, based on location and income. The original idea was presented during the 80's with rural health clinics. I worked in one, and it was a money making fool...for awhile. The truth is that any doctor's office that thinks they can MAKE money off of diagnostics done in house is fooling him or herself. Regulation is so intense that licensed personnel are required onsite and they don't come for ten bucks an hours.

We were discussing the hospice concept today, a philosophy that remains dear to my heart even as I watch opportunities slip away every day for people to receive the benefits. I'll never forget BG and me doing "our" senior term care on the subject. My interest in it at the time was probably a factor in her career choice though most of the jobs have been either geriatrics or kids with profit at the center of the whole thing. Hospice care is particularly well suited for rural areas as demonstrated in Montana by Dr. Ira Byock and his team in Missoula. Once a patient enters "the system" it becomes a revolving door for re-admissions to treat chronic illness on Medicare money. Many of them are non-compliant with health issues like diabetes, weight and smoking yet they continue to run like hamsters on the treadmill generating profit all around. We are blessed to be a close neighbor to what is probably the poorest county in West Tennessee and that is precisely where BG is at the moment looking at job ops. Go figure. Her whole thing started there with her first client as a sitter.

Ya'll be careful out there. I was driving through town the other day and noticed this figure draped in white sheets and wearing a sandwich board painted in red circling the county courthouse. The only word big enough for me to see well was GENTILES but I assumed she or he was protesting something like Christianity. We never see anything like that around here so I was quite taken aback but had forgotten about it until somebody else mentioned the figure at breakfast, seen on the other side of town. If there's a suicide bomb up in there I hope it goes off on a gravel field road.

Keep smiling. Keep shining. Remember who you are.

Monday, October 1, 2012

my bad

Per our usual "little black cloud" lifestyle, I effed up royally by selling the anvil for 5 bucks. As it turns out it was my grandpa's from back in the day worth about 500 dollars. Brother ranted at me over being a stupid girl and not obeying his orders to not touch anything other than the sentimental crap. Far be it from me to realize how sentimental an anvil can be. "It's what crackheads do!" he barked. Now, I'm about the farthest thing from a crackhead that you'd ever hope to see so I didn't quite get that point. I just needed some money for toothpaste. The room with the real memories has no light and tin over the window so I guess it's up to him. Hell, I've come home to find entire barns buried by a damn dozier.

It was 10:30 when my ass rolled out of bed with the dawgs and took care of bidness. After that I treated myself to a marathon of what was recorded over the weekend. See? I'm a really cheap date ya'll. It's rainy and gloomy but at least not hot, thank you lord. Leaves are changing and falling. Night comes earlier. And I still owe the propane guy a thousand bucks, god love him. He would have to stand in line behind Capitol One and DirecTV to sue my ass which, by the way, the evil Cap One has done by attempting to get their 1500$ from my only source of credit. If I wasn't such a nice southern lady I'd tell ya'll to get fucked. Those of you have known me for a bit know that the DTV thing is a thorn in my proverbial side. Thinking about a class action suit or something.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday and the debate between the two of 'em. Mittens has a big day coming up and I pray that old fashioned common sense and and a multicultural voter base will make the right decision for our country, Wall street notwithstanding. My vote goes to the one with a plan to get our soldiers out of that fucking desert and back home with their families. Nothing is worth giving up your life when it has to do with supporting the oil barons. Get a bike or a hybrid. Take a walk. Don't ever burn cases of styrofoam cups in the driveway while people are playing golf due east. Ever.

Are you registered to vote and will you?