Monday, July 31, 2017

taking flight

There is indeed a mama bird tending to the nest on the front porch and she gets pretty vocal when the cat is in sight, or even me for that matter.  They are huddled together there as a fluffly little bunch of siblings waiting for the right time for flying lessons.  Mama is a small bird, most likely a finch.  It is fascinating to watch but then I'm easily amused.  

My friends Tom and Shirley came out for some picture taking on the farm yesterday before sunset and I had the sweet privilege of riding in the back of a pickup truck like a kid watching my world go by.  And what a beautiful world it is out here!  Tom is fascinated with this little shack down by the graveyard and we stopped there to pretend it was ours.  It's like a "tiny house" in the woods close to the river.  

I hear there was an earthquake but I totally missed it.  Lake county friends felt it and thought it was gonna' be another Reelfoot Lake kind of deal.  The weather is still nice with very low humidity.  

My outing was short and sweet this morning to get a bite from the chicken store and a gift bag for the shower from the 'gentral.  Just another day in paradise.


Sunday, July 30, 2017


The next full moon is on August 7th which is just about a week away.  This is the bad boy that will turn into a new moon that eclipses the sun on the 21st.  I can already feel the vibes coming from that and they ain't peaceful by any means.  Following a nice peaceful day at the sawmill things went to hell in a handbasket pretty quick and everywhere I stopped on the way home there was frustration from the folks I ran across.  

I have discovered a nest of baby birds in my front porch fern which is dead as a doornail.  I kept hearing all this crying and couldn't figure out where it was coming from, searching in the nearby trees for something....anything.  When I stuck my finger in the pot yesterday to pronounce it officially dead one of the babies climbed onto my finger and got dropped on the porch!  I quickly put him back in there and am not sure if mama bird is around or what.  I haven't seen any feeding going on but then I'm gone all day.  

My necklaces broke in the shower a couple of nights ago and I managed to find three of the four things that were around my neck.  So far the tree of life is still MIA.  I found the cross right off the bat and Mamye spotted the angel and heart on the kitchen floor.  I seriously need a keeper y'all.  

More and more I'm dreaming about retirement and it's so out of reach it's not even funny.  There is no way I can afford to live where I live on that kind of money.  If CNN is correct, it may all be a moot point what with the Asians beefing up their military and orange man playing straight into their hands.  Can you imagine that fat little bastard in NK reading Trump Tweets for fun and adding something else to the arsenal?  

Hold that thought :)

Saturday, July 29, 2017

phantom in the snow

Mamye and I were talking about snow on Halloween this afternoon and a memory came back to me from years ago.  Debbie gave me tickets to see Phantom at the Grand in St. Louis one year and we took off on Halloween with both her boys and an exchange student to Missouri.  Somewhere between here and there it started snowing like a mofo....I'm talking blizzard.  She was determined to soldier on to our hotel reservations and I begged her to stop.  I freak out when I can't see the road, seriously.  She was pissed, but we spent the night at whatever was the closest haven thank you sweet baby jeebus. The next day we journeyed on to see the production and it was magnificent.  That was only my 2nd trip to St. Louis and the last.  

This was a sawmill day and not a bad one.  The weather finally shifted and there'a a breeze and low humidity.  I'll take it.  That collie we spoke of was kind of matted from a couple of years of swinging in the breeze like mine do so his new owner took him for a cut and groom yesterday.  She said he's loving the new home and there's plenty of space to roam with their other critters.  A dog's life, indeed.  

I have a friend who stops by now and then to chat about life.  Oddly enough, I met him at church when he was about 15.  He's now the father of two beautiful children and has helped me out on many an occasion with repairs.  He was leaving town yesterday and stopped by with a gift for me.  Like the perfect gentleman that he is he presented the multicolored glass cross necklace with flair and I promptly cried.  He's the one who went home with the not to worry stone in his pocket a while back.  Unbroken circle, y'all.  

I got to bond with my posse at the chicken store today when I was sending a moneygram and they were pissed beyond belief that there was a new card reader that didn't work.  I said to hell with it and paid cash.  I then proceeded to purchase my other items and head on down the lane.  

The place with the pulled tooth is 32 hours post pull and hurts.  So far no dry socket but let's keep our fingers crossed because I'm totally non-compliant except for right side chewing and salt water rinse.  Next on the agenda is a cleaning.  If I'm lucky I'll get to see Ms. Reba.  

Keep it between the ditches, y'all.  

Friday, July 28, 2017

some things are meant to be

I was up early again, this time for a dental appointment with an extraction of what was left of a back molar after the crown broke off.  The young man who did it is the son and grandson of dentists and I was very pleased.  Nice calm demeanor and good work.  He didn't try to pressure me into restorative things on old teeth and discussed options for what's going on in that part of my mouth.  That will more than likely include a partial to go along with the bridge up front. He said it's nowhere near denture time.  

Before I left the house I talked with my friend Cathy whose sister has been looking for a collie and she knew I had thrown one out there on a lead for adoption.  Tammy has already picked him up and taken him to the groomer!  I love it when that happens.  It's a win win for everybody.  My friend and MFR therapist has a tiny little dog named Huck who snuggled up in his bed next to the treatment table while she worked on me today.  Every now and then I heard a little squeak from his toy but otherwise he was chilling like me.   More tears came streaming as I relaxed into the moment.  I never thought about it, but that's probably something that happens quite often with body work.

And so, it's back to the sawmill tomorrow.  My friend Sondra is grandma as of today and he is the first of several on the lab birthing list.  We're all in it together.  

Thursday, July 27, 2017

on the road again

I was up and at 'em early today heading toward Madison county to see my baby girl and her baby girl.  As we walked through the ( already sweltering ) heat into JMCGH for her 8am ultrasound I noticed that Lifeline had two mobile units parked up front for a drive.  That place is massive and if Lauren didn't know where we were going I'd be lost.  Some lady with an attitude tried to hassle her about a balance that she was assured last time was not a problem.  Because she was on an SRUI the first couple of months they classified her as high risk, thus the extra precautions.  The same ultrasound tech did today's exam as we watched in wonder at that sweet little face.  The doctor said all looks good and the tech estimated 4 lbs 5 oz at 30 weeks.  Reaves has been growing!  While we were there she pre-registered for delivery.  

She gets WalMart gift cards from her hotel job for customer service and needed to use that for some food.  Rather than take on Vann Drive, we headed south on Highland to Bemis aka South Jackson.  We wandered and she got what she needed, we thought.  Her card was for 50 bucks and she made it with four dollars left to spare.  It wasn't until we got back to her apartment that she realized she was missing some items.  We ALMOST headed back down south when she noticed that they weren't on the receipt so must still be sitting on the belt.  *sigh* Here we go on another mission, this time to a dollar store for said items using the cash she had reserved for Uber rides to work.  She now has three baby items in the living room compliments of Marfy Sue. 

I am quite emotional these days....sort of like having PMS but I'm wayyyy past menopause.  I guess it's all the past two years catching up with me and the raw emotion involved with becoming a grandmother.  I wish my parents and her Dad were here to be a part of it.  Had I not had yesterday to rest slip into a coma I probably wouldn't have survived today. 

I've already turned the page on my Mary Engelbreit calendar to August, wishing away the days until there is some promise of cooler air.  I passed a poor soul hitch hiking today and though my samaritan side said "help a guy out" the funny look on his face convinced me to keep going.  Early this morning as I was gassing up at the chicken store, there was an obviously impaired guy wandering around the store.  They finally got him to sit down and gave him something to drink after which he promptly passed out on the table while the law was called.  UCMTSU.

Playing it be ear on a wing and a prayer.  

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

under the train

One of the most haunting moments in House of Cards to me was when Frank pushed Zoey in front of that moving train and never looked back.  That kind of cold hearted calculated "collateral" damage is pretty common in politics and the business world in general.  I slept for 14 hours from near exhaustion and dreamed on and off about all things job related. Too bad it wasn't about happy stuff like rainbows and unicorns.   Pretty much it was the about the cause of the previously mentioned exhaustion.  

We all know a Frank Underwood.  Someone who is totally self centered and goal oriented toward personal success at the expense of others.  While I pity them for missing out on the important things in life, I also realize that they exist and just don't care.  Kind of like POTUS and family.  They're dropping like flies and healthcare is still flapping in the breeze.  If I were y'all I would get whatever you need fixed tended to because who knows how it's going to all end up.  One thing for sure is this:  Hospital ERs will become even more of a stomping ground for those who have no insurance with the massive proposed cuts to Medicaid.  Without Planned Parenthood there will be more STDS and unplanned pregnancy in a world where women's rights and health are already at high risk.  Plus, there's that disturbing little Russia side drama.  

I want so badly to believe in the election process where each vote counts but with all the ways available to suppress voters and swing elections, it's a pipe dream.  We have a viable Democratic gubernatorial candidate for the first time in forever here in Tennessee.  Though I admire a lot of the good things done under Governor Haslam like small business development, I am deeply disturbed with our refusal of medicaid funds and the carrying on of one of our Senators in particular.  He is of the old school where power is everything.  I remember supporting him as a teenager just because my parents were Republicans.  Now?  Not so much.  

My personal philsophy on Christianity is to forgive but never forget who hung you on the cross.  In spite of his betrayal and abandonment, Jesus chose to make the sacrifice.  So many people think that once they've screwed up there's no forgiveness.  I prefer to believe that it's a gift and all is forgiven UNTIL you realize that how you have treated others is wrong.  With some folks, that never happens.  I can think of several things I've done that I should be totally ashamed of but here's the thing.  Once I became aware that I was doing wrong, I refused to go there any longer.  That's when it becomes a sin.  

Weather update:  Still hot as hades for about two weeks now.  Screw the garden and the more redneck waterhose.  When it's too hot to even make the effort to keep that stuff alive, it's time to give up the ghost on the growing season.  

I haven't gotten a call on the border collie yet so that must not be in the cards.  Mostly I just wanted to help him find a good forever home but he's being fostered by someone who cares.  That's all that matters.  

Humility ~

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

the corporate way

I will spare the details except to say that we have been left in purgatory between a director who knew it all to one who is on a learning curve.  As you can expect, there is a lot of confusion and we're all trying our best to figure things out as we go along.  It took two of us watching a video to change a piercer on an analyzer today but we got it done and now we know.  Other things have been a lot more hard to come by like support for the LIS.  My one go-to person is at our sister hospital in Jackson and she's been off for a couple of days so it's like banging your head on the wall to figure out what to do next.  I finally gave up on the test building and went to the vet's office.

Bubba called yesterday, knowing what a dog lover that I am, with a tip on a full blooded red and white border collie. I touched base with the vet's staff and they took my name and number.   I'm not really ready to handle another dog at this point but I would sure like to help place this one.  He's beautiful from the phone pic that I saw.  

More heat....and humidity.  I woke up this morning with a scratched arm thanks to Oscar's middle of the night freakout.  I've got it sterilized and wrapped because dude has sharp little claws and I have thin skin.  My t'shirt looked a bloody mess.  That's okay because I got a brand new demolibtard one in the mail today that I will wear with pride.  

I don't know if it's the heat or what, but my give a damn's busted.  I'm hoping lots of others will keep the faith for me while I regroup.  


Monday, July 24, 2017

the art of cat throwing

Here's the drill around here when Lily the bitch cat wants attention.  She cries and prowls.  I put food in her plate and she eats two bites.  One of the dogs eats the rest.  Even though she just ate she cries again because the bowl is empty.  When I don't do a quick refill she climbs on he back of the computer chair and claws the hell out of it.  After that she proceeds to knock stuff off the table to get my attention.  Rinse lather and repeat until I get tired of it.  That's when I risk life and limb, pick her up and throw her off the porch to land squarely on her feet as they tend to do.  This is a tedious exercise in futility which is only compounded by two dogs wanting in and out scratching on the doors.  I don't pitch them though.  Oscar would bite!

It was a Monday  Work is still a transition in progress which can be trying at times but then it usually is anyway, transition or not.  I just do the best I can while I'm there and go home and forget it.  That's the luxury of being a peon.  

My friend Sondra is gonna' be grandma any day now and Mitzi Lou brought some of her handmade with love creations for the baby boy.  I'm sure Reaves will get some too because Mitzi and Abby are all about the creating.  The shower invitation asks that everybody bring a book instead of a card.  What a cool idea!  Plus there's the headband making station.  I saw Mama Brock in Kroger yesterday and I'm sure she'll be there too.  One for all and all for Reaves and Lauren!  Since Heather is the hostess there will be no stupid games, thankyouverymuch.

I see hope and promise with this new life on the way.  It's an addition to the next generation of the Stafford family started by  my brother at the ripe old age of forty something.  We're looking toward making a nest here for the tribe.  That thrills me to death because I was afraid I was gonna' miss it.  

I have an appointment with the dentist on Friday and my loose crown didn't make it, coming off as I chomped on Cheetos the other day.  It left a sharp edge that's poking a hole in my cheek daily.  What I need is some of that wax you put on braces.  

Stay cool kids.  It's "only" 92 today and we got some rain yesterday evening.  Even though we haven't officially hit 100 it has felt like that for about two weeks now.  I think I got dehydrated because I had some killer leg cramps two nights in a row.  Those muscles are STILL sore.  

Lord how I miss the days when the children of the POTUS were growing up and learning history while living in the White House.  All the rats are jumping ship and I would be too.  This won't end well for anybody but I'll keep on dreaming of a better day where peace and love and rock'n'roll are front and center.


Saturday, July 22, 2017

the two year mark

Ginner passed away in January of 2015 long after her husband and two daughters. Next was Aunt Nancy in June who had been suffering with Alzheimer disease for years. Pnoler was found dead on father's day eve. We sat together at Curry's as a family honoring his life.  It was at Nancy's visitation that I ran over Daddy's foot with the Camry.  Dewey and Kay will never let me live that down.  Nick sang and it was a nice service with our little rag tag family hovering together.  I knew Daddy was sick at this point of the year but just not how badly.  He was admitted at the end of June with an acute hernia that ended up showing that he was eat up with infection from an earlier repair.  He died on August 4th under hospice care via Caris.  I will never forget my doc friends telling me to let him go after that long surgery that made him where he couldn't breathe.  It went on for a week in ICCU.

Pretty soon after that we moved Mom to Maple Ridge for assisted living.  She went in September, probably around Labor Day and we got her set up in one day.  We were in and out during UT football season Halloween and Thanksgiving.  Her hip snapped at the church right before Christmas and that was the beginning of the end.  She had the least invasive type of surgery on her osteoporitic hip and it was an epic fail.  Next was partial hip replacement.  Amazingly all went well with that until she developed a ruptured diverticulum that poisoned her body.  Back to Caris in January.  Without the usual COPD/CHF meds she lasted two days.  Tommy was with her when she passed.  "Don't let me hurt and don't leave me" she said.  

It was a lot to process at that time especially because I was being thrown under the bus at work.  I'm not sure why except for I was an easy target and didn't speak up.  Well, I did but the powers that be didn't listen.  During this entire time my co-workers did their best to respect my parents and honor them with their service.  Shit happens and people die. Compassionate care is what's up if you want to be real.  

cabin fever

We are currently experiencing days on end of 100 degree plus heat indexes which makes me want to hibernate just like in the dead of winter.  I am NOT a summer person any longer since global warming kicked in.  My brief outing this morning to the 'gentral and gas station were all it took to kick my ass and send me back inside to chill.  

I don't know about ya'll but I'm glad to see Spicey go even though whats'her'name is annoying too.  What really scares me is the new guy from Goldman Sachs.  WTF?  So our country is a business to be run by those who make huge campaign contributions to the orange one?  I'll refrain from a rant because it just sucks the life out of my soul.  This house of cards is about to fall and we will all suffer, including the ones of us who knew better than to vote for the idiot.  Of course it didn't help that Russia was all up in it.  

And so, I digress.  My photographer friend and I are trying to find a cool enough time to visit the magical sunflower field so he can do his thing and I can just get off on the colors.  He has a truck which is good because I don't think the Camry would survive that trip again.  

Chester's suicide moved me on many levels.  Our mental health system is so fractured as is healthcare in general that people who need and want help are many times at the mercy of a system that's based guessed it.  Money.  If therapy were free, think about how many people would benefit.  It should be a piece of an affordable preventive health offering in whatever system we end up with along with cancer and diabetes screening.  There is no free wellness benefit at all with my insuror.  40 buck co-pay for anything and everything.  That doesn't sound like much but it adds up when you are a frequent flyer as we boomers are becoming.  

Today I am grateful for friends and family, a steady job and an air conditioned home.  I may not always agree with the friends family and job but I try to do the next right thing.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.  

Chill ~

Friday, July 21, 2017

dream a little dream

I have two recurring dreams that have gone away over the years.  One was of me taking a bath in a porcelain tub while the cabin burned.  The other I had forgotten about until yesterday's visit to the Lee place and the sunflower field.  Bubba told me they were in full bloom and facing east so I struck out in the Camry over about a mile of bumpy field road to see the sights.  Wade was busy planting and spraying ( still ) and I think I ran over his hose on the way out.  

I spotted the gold after awhile and pulled up to have a moment.  When I looked to the right, there was the Forked Deer levee and a memory of an old house and barn that used to sit back there. Dream #2 centered around that four story house which may or may not have existed.  There were doors up from each level and treasures like fine china on each and every stop.  Up top there was a roof where one could take in the river and the farming operations.  This place sat about one mile from Cotton's bar.  I guess it could have been a whorehouse or maybe just a hotel where river travelers stayed on the way from there to here and back.  My husband's grandfather was killed at Cotton's with a gunshot.  Daddy showed me the certificate many years ago after my marriage to James.

The loose crown just came off which will makes things easier for Dr. Young Jr. when I seek dental assistance next week.  I'm thinking dentures.  That will be the day after ultrasound/job interview/therapy session in Jackson.  It seriously takes a village. I got my not to worry stone back today and it's in my pocket so all is well.   

Anybody with a truck is welcome to help me transport baby hardware from here to there.  I'll pay for gas and lunch and all.  Holla.


Thursday, July 20, 2017


There's a whole bunch of folks that read my blog and I talked to one this morning at the sawmill that I never would have suspected until she told me how she enjoys it.  As she put it, I say a lot of the same things that she thinks about and it's a joy to read the words.  That was totally humbling.  

When I stopped by the chicken store Ashley made the statement that she felt "left behind" after the rapture because of the heat.  Days on end of 110 heat index is miserable at the very least and dangerous at its' worst.  Dehydration is common even in those who don't work outside.  My shoulder has been pain free since the steroid injection.  It's nice not to have that dull pain all the time and I will follow up with therapy by Gay.  

Last night's dinner was home grown yellow squash cooked in olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  Yum!  Added a little rice to it and it was just the ticket for a hot day.  I have a non-worry stone that was given to me by Laura recently and I've carried it in my pocket off and on for days on end.  Yesterday a friend came to me deeply distressed about every little thing and when he left I passed it on to him to keep temporarily until the storm passed. He just told me it's still in his pocket.  The cross is a powerful gift.

And goes on ^j^

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

loss after loss

Since I was in court all day yesterday I missed what was going on in real life.  I was shocked and saddened when I picked up yesterday's paper at work and read the obituary of my dear friend Louise.  She and Steve have been my buddies for years and years and we have daughters that played roudball together back in the day.  Joli stuck with it....Lauren could have cared less.  We were in the same SS class for years at FUMC and generally had a great friendship visiting each other on occasion for this or that.   Her daughter was killed when she was a young LPN by a drunk driver.  The kids have been with she and Steve off and on since then.  I will go to my grave remembering me, Daddy and Lauren going to Laura's funeral on Christmas Eve and it all seeming so unreal.  They established a nursing scholarship in her memory and ministered to the driver in prison after finding forgiveness because that's what Jesus would do.  Fine Christian people.  

I was running here there and yon at work today putting out fires and started hearing about a massive wreck on the interstate near the Lenox exit.  Another nice guy whom I knew through our "kids" was killed instantly as he drove a tractor mowing the sides of the roadway.  An 18 wheeler hit him and that driver is in critical condition.  

What is so odd about all of this is that it's a part of my day to day life just as it is for all other healthcare practitioners and emergency responders.  Most people never know that feeling or what it does to a soul.  Lauren was visiting a social work client a few years ago and ran upon a wreck where a young woman was thrown from her vehicle, surrounded by pictures of family and friends.  She was engaged and her wedding dress had been laid out on the bed in preparation.  Lauren stayed with her until EMS arrived and she barely had a pulse, but she wasn't alone.  That's when God sends us angels.  

Never get so busy that you take life for granted.  It's something that I have to practice day after day and sometimes minute by minute.  All is well with my soul and that's a peaceful feeling.  I try to keep it that way.  

Grief ~

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

another day in court

Today was my last call for jury panel A and I've been lucky until this morning's 9AM call for jury selection.  For a civil suit.  That is set to run for 2-3 weeks.  It is a medical malpractice case and I knew all the defendants from work plus everybody on the witness list that will be called.  Still, it took six hours for me to get excused.  The process is very VERY tedious and I actually felt sorry for the judge.  The jury box was full until challenges were turned in and 9 got dismissed.  That's when us stragglers got picked with panel B coming in right behind us.  Lerd.  

Me and my buddies Carter and Athena hung out and passed the time while waiting.  Carter's mama and I work together so I kept her posted by text.  It was hilarious!  People came and went...grumbled and shook hands.  Our justice system.  Gotta' love it. This is the first day I've gone all day without peeing in forever but by lunch break at 1:40 I had to eat and run so I stopped into Lucky Liquor and Tracy did me a favor of the ladies room.  I'm glad the trial won't keep me from Reaves' next ultrasound.

Baby face ~

Monday, July 17, 2017

out of nowhere

Today is my daddy's 85th birthday.  He celebrated his last one less than a month before he died, at a nursing home with a wound vac.  He was a very sick man for quite some time only we didn't know it.  It wasn't until a hernia got captured and sent him to the ER that we found that his FIRST hernia repair had become infected 30 years later.  The mesh was rolled up like a cigarette and poked a hole in his colon when it was removed along with a huge base of infection that had been percolating for a long time.  That explained the back pain which we assumed was arthritis.  My facebook memory today was a picture of him and his favorite border collie Rip.  I think that's what made me tune up.  

We were as busy as cats in a litter box at the sawmill.  Still transitioning to the new normal, every day presents an opportunity to learn something new, like it or not.  As if by angel messenger, BG called right about the time I began to sob at the bench.  I got lots of hugs and all I could say was that I was having "a moment."  They still come around now and then reminding me of the quick succession of loss that was 2015.  I am an orphan.  That feels strange still.

I decided that the shower and a trip to Memphis was way too much for one day so I'm passing on that particular bucket list item though I do so appreciate the offer from Jet's mom and dad.  Jet was one of Ryder's litter by Chester and he actually chose John as he stood back from the pack of puppies,  I love it when that happens.  

I still have a purple eye thanks to Oscar and got a steroid shot in my shoulder today to help with the dull pain that plagues me.  My advanced practice nurse was thrilled to hear the story about how her mother and grandma came out randomly one day looking for where Ms Mary used to live when she was a child.  They went on to meet my parents and Mozella and everyone had quite the time talking history.  

Little Bit has been off on sick leave so we haven't talked her home to Jackson in awhile.  Today was that day.  I hope she enjoys that new pavement in Crockett county.

Peace and love ~

Sunday, July 16, 2017

bucket list dilemma

I've seen James Taylor numerous times and actually gave away a couple of tickets one time to a father son duo.  The last ones I bought were purchased from me by Leigh and Pete.  I dream big but rarely come through. friends Beth and John have FOUR tickets to the FedEx show featuring JT and Bonnie Raitt whom I've never seen in person.  Both are my heroes.  Here's the rub, though.  Number one is that I have no reliable transportation. Number two is it's the same day as Lauren's shower.  Now grant you the shower is at 2 and the concert at 7:30.  Once I turned down a free ticket to see what was my final chance to see The Eagles live in St. Louis.  I had to work the next day.  Tommy took his sister instead and they loved it.

I'm not big on crowds anymore.  They make me nervous and it's hard to get around all those bodies to the potty when you pee as much as I do.  Getting old is not for sissies.  I know now for sure why glucosamine chondroitin was a constant fixture in my parents' house.  

My friend BJ has been a diabetic for 27 years.  I remember when she was diagnosed because she got REALLLY skinny what with all that burning of the body mass.  She's gone from shots to pumps and usually does well but has been fighting with our insurance company about the type of insulin they will cover.  According to them she can only have brand X when it has caused her to have seizures.  Something sent her into an episode the other day and I've never heard her sound like that before.  Scared the shit out of me.  She had used an extra 14 units to get the sugar down and then was out.  Any one of us would have clocked out to go pick it up but she wasn't thinking straight. So there she goes to the drug store all ass kicked and everything to pick up what keeps her alive.  I talked with her yesterday and she's much better.  Y'all..i was skeered to death for her.  

I've gotten some rest this weekend but not been too lazy.  I don't consider computer time wasted because I enjoy it.  My prayer is that my talents will make some money via the innerwebs unless the FCC shuts us down.  Time will tell.  I never thought I'd say high five to Ted Cruz but damn if he didn't throw out a mighty fine amendment to the GOP healthcare bill.  Right now there is a pissing match going on over Medicaid and poor McCain is having surgery so it is what it has been.  With Medicaid expansion states would be more able to serve the uninsured which are the cause of high costs....well partly.  That's where the HCA failed.  It's a good plan but mandating that you enroll is like telling a 2 year old no when he asks for a candy bar.  It should be a choice, and an attractive one with reasonable deductibles and co-pays.  

Y'all stay cool.  Looks like another scorcher.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

post visitation

I picked up some chicken this morning while out making the rounds and went by to see Mozella's peeps Helen and Yvonne.  They shared funeral details with me and gave me some copies of the program as we talked about our shared history here on the farm.  Yvonne's little dog Smoochie didn't like me being there but she got over it pretty quick.  They are exhausted from days on end of family and loss.  I know the feeling.

We had a random monsoon yesterday which soaked my little straw bale plot pretty good.  There won't be any more for awhile according to Weather Underground.  Of course yesterday's was only a 20% chance so you just never know.  I have baby green tomatos and tons of squash blossoms.  Oh, and cucumbers and basil and rosemary.  

Oscar is a little barky terrier that we rescued from the crazy ex-neighbors who had been abusing him.  He's pretty easy going unless you bump him when he's asleep and then he tends to go nuts.  He and Sam both sleep with me and usually to my back.  Somehow Oscar ended up in my face and when I moved the other night he went into PTSD mode and hit my eyelid with a tooth.  I look like somebody punched me in the eye!  This too shall pass.  

Baby Reaves is still perking along and getting lots of cooked sushi.  Next ultrasound is on a day off for me so hopefully I'll be there to see her live and on screen.  There's a shower coming up at Nanny's house and that should be lots of fun.  Heather the creative has planned a headband making station so that Reaves will have hand made gifts.  

I have no clean towels so it's laundry time.  Y'all enjoy your weekend and keep the faith ^j^

Friday, July 14, 2017

too little too late

I had every intention of meeting Mozella's family at the burial grounds but work ran over and it wasn't in the cards. I see her house every day when I leave and come back home.  It's the end of an era for a lot of us.  Gerald is the elder now.  

Against all odds a miracle happened at work.  I don't question it, but instead say thanks to Big Ernie.  Not to be lulled into a false sense of security or anything but I do believe it might work after all.   We shall day at a time.


Thursday, July 13, 2017

in a nutshell

It was a long day kids and they're beginning to run together which is never good for clear thinking.  I'm beginning to see why the deer came to see me recently.  Full moon notwithstanding there's been  a lot of drama lately.  I am too old and tired for that plus it's hot as hades out there.  I don't even care if the garden makes it at this point.  Lerd, I hate to sweat.  

On today's alternate work assignment I was blessed with none other than Pat and Tony, old friends from way back.  A Porsche driving drug rep brought lunch for the staff all the way from Memphis.  The volunteers showed up with cookies and doughnuts.  It's a part of my work history that has brought many more blessings than I could ever imagine possible including Diane Guthrie Roberts.  Of course we worked together back in the day at Parkview  

I got an invitation for a very special baby shower honoring my daughter and grandgirl to be.  We talked this morning while I was at work about life in general and today's drama in particular.  The short story is it ain't pretty.  Let us pray for the next right thing and manifest peace.

Marla cut my hair and it's cute if I say so myself. It had gotten wayyyy too long and was in a cli 24/7.  Then I went for APN orthopedic visit only to reschedule because you have to have an xray first.  Alrighty then.  Monday it is.  

As Ms. Frances Yarbro would say " carry on young people "

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

mozella b

I started work at Parkview Hospital in 1977 and my neighbor Mozella worked there too along with my grandmother and Yaya and a whole bunch of others.  Mozella worked in central supply where all the sterilizing of surgical instruments took place in autoclaves.  A few of our former pathologists loved her to death and everybody else did too.  Dr. Palacios was her favorite.  

I grew up on the same farm where she lived after moving here in 1946 as Earl's bride.  "Now chile" she would say.  Her home was always dark and full of tiny little rooms.  I remember going to visit Earl when he was dying of pancreatic cancer.  His eyes were yellowish orange and he was miserable.  Ronnie died last year of the same disease.  Aunt Moz has been in and out of the hospital and rehab for about three months.  She passed away Friday at the ripe old age of 95 and I know right where she'll be buried.  My plan is to show up after work. Speaking of which....I do so love my job even though it can be challenging what with the profit motive.  That doesn't set well with me as a spiritual type person.

Unicorns and rainbows kids ^j^

Monday, July 10, 2017

plan c

A lot has happened in the last week and my flexibility has been put to the test in a lot of areas.  What matters to me most at this point is my daughter and granddaughter and we had a lovely two night visit, me at the sawmill and she sleeeping.  She cleaned and cooked dinner and enjoyed the quiet and the critters.  They miss her like I do.  

We headed out to Jackson this morning and passed that same paving crew around Bells only today it was about 5 degrees hotter and there were 12 of those suckers steaming along.  I had every intention of making each appointment that I had on the books but things change and you go with the flow.  They will get tended to in due course.  I need some chill time.

That being said, let the chillaxing begin.  

Sunday, July 9, 2017


We all know how pregnant women get their minds on a certain food and just MUST have it.  Lauren called me at the sawmill today while I was on an "alternate" work assignment asking that I pick up some homegrown 'maters from a stand on the way home.  No problem.  There are two that I pass every day on 51.  Only they were closed.  My work peeps had a couple cut up for sandwiches at lunch and Kay told me there were a few slices left.  We went looking for them and found an empty plate all washed up and in the dish drainer!  It's not just pregnant women that love those things.  I don't like them, but for folks who do they're like crack.  

I pulled my first crookneck squash today and turned on the redneck waterhose sprinkler because it's H.O.T.  I actually felt sorry for that crew out there on 412 laying tar yesterday so that my ride to and from Jackson is less bumpy.  If Madison county would get with it, we'd be in good shape.  

I watched in awe today as the team of which I am part did their jobs.  If any one of us failed to try our best in any given situation somebody's life is at stake.  We have our share of the elderly and I must say that the little old man I met today was a delight.  Reminded me of my daddy only nicer.  

Rachel Townsend and I began a conversation a couple of years ago about something totally related to what she published today in the State Gazette.  I have two copies and it's all over the interwebs.  She carefully crafted the story of our community and asked for details when she needed them.  I didn't have them all but knew people who did.  It was amazing that during the time she was working on the story we met others who were a piece of the puzzle like Mary and Martha and Hub's friends with the ashes.  

Circle of life ~

Saturday, July 8, 2017

living dangerously

My cousin Debbie always accused me of not being able to do something spontaneous, meaning drive to KY to see her.  Lauren and I went a couple of times and there was a hot tub and a lecture plus giant schnauzer puppies in a box in the den.  

I worked today and got an extreme emergency call from BG and Reaves saying they needed some time at home.  My co-workers were pretty gracious about letting me go pick them up.  We were visited by my very first lab boss, Sammy.  I think he wanted to know what's up with us because we no longer have work to keep us together.  In spite of my best efforts at lining up appointments on precision for my one day off, I'm here at the house with my girls and dinner in the oven.  They're watching Fred and I'm blogging.  It's what we do.  

I love my job.  I was called to be a professional for consumers in the healthcare system where it's mighty hard to know what's going on in this day and time of sketchy stuff.  If you don't have an advocate of some kind, you're screwed.  Sometimes it's depressing to think about the whole deal but then I always remember that do no harm thing.  It keeps me going.

Sup in Germany?

Friday, July 7, 2017

bless our hearts

I could tell you all about how life isn't fair and rant but I won't because it wears me out.  Meanwhile all the angry folks run around plotting revenge.  WTF ever.  I just want to do my job and come home to sleep with the itchy dogs.  When I get a raise I'm gonna' take them to the vet and we'll all sleep better.  

I've got sawmill duty this weekend because life isn't fair it's my turn.  Y'all don't come to the ER please.  We need to do some strategic planning.  Being in limbo like we are is sort of scary.  I'm making the most of it by exploring other opportunities.  

So anyways, y'all enjoy the weekend and think about us up there saving lives and doing good while y'all are hunting and fishing and swimming.  I actually got my first hug from Robert Chapman today on his last at the job.  I missed his party because I was off.  We exchanged phone numbers and he explained he does better with text.  I can relate.  

Relax ~ 

Thursday, July 6, 2017


I've been out and about today visiting with friends at their workplaces. One idea led to another and a vision became clear in my little not so blonde head that I have a calling, so to speak. There are several minds working on the project so I feel sure it will happen.  Big Ernie did not intend for me to be stressed out.  
There's still more laundry and I'm procrastinating as usual. The air is so juicy we could have multiple thunderstorms at a moment's notice.  Typical July in Tennessee.  My squash has gone wild and the cucumbers too.  Maters?  Not so much.  They're not even really blooming.  Everything else is just giving up the ghost except for the nasturtiums in a pot by the porch.  My neighbors brought me food by four wheeler again on the 4th which is always a treat.  The kids were loving being free and wild on a short leash.  That's the way childhood should be.  Rachel is putting the finishing touches on the Samaria Bend piece and it's an excellent read.  She also has a gallery of pictures from our visit that day.  

As for me and my life?  Something has gotta'give ^j^

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

happy shit

I don't know about y'all but I'm ready to concentrate on the upside of life.  The way I figure it I have about 20 years left of a decent quality of life.  After that it's to the nursing home for me.  I'm hoping that all the kindness I spread around over those 40 years will come back to me at the end.  I am tied to a job with a corportion that is traded on Wall Street.  Most of them are that way, truth be told.

I saw not one but TWO deer waiting for me when I left the house this morning, right before I got to the dairy barn.  I remember seeing some of them both times I drove to the hospital to tend to my dead parents and that brought me comfort in an odd sort of way.  It was a long day at the sawmill and it's raining like a monsoon again.  

So, back to the happy shit.  Lauren has a couple of baby showers coming up one of which is at Nanny's house on August 5th.  It's like 5000 square feet and to die for beautiful.  Heather and Joe got married there and I scattered rose petals along their walkway.  There was live post nuptial entertainment provided by none other than Chris Moody and his mobile DJ setup.  Photo booth and everything.  Many kegs and I left early. She and Joe are now the proud parents of AJ who is several months old and cute as hell.  Both of them are back to work and trying to get the routine down of work plus work plus baby.  That's a tough one for two, much less one.  

My friend Rachel, the ultimate storyteller will be publishing a piece soon about the history of our farm.  There's a whole 'nother story up in there about how we came to be friends.

Be faithful ~


Tuesday, July 4, 2017

on being free

God Bless America, Land that I love.  We are in what Chelsea Handler would call a hot mess.  The monkeys are running the circus and we're all out here just praying that The Hunger Games doesn't happen in OUR lifetime.  Remember the last time we had an actor for POTUS? Yeah.  That.  This country was built by immigrants from all over the world and stolen from the Native Americans.  Slaves were brought over from Africa to help with the farming.  When the northern states decided that was enough of that there was a big war that divided the country.  And then he got shot in a theater by you know who.  

I do not understand bigotry, hatred and evil.  I know that they are from the devil, so to speak.  When I see somebody like that I usually just throw up a prayer for them and continue to be my little old liberal ass self.  I catch myself using politically correct ethnic terms these days.  It's respectful to another person's culture.  Some of our lessons at the hospital cover just that sort of patient care barrier.  We have nurses who translate.  Many times the staff is targeted in racist ways by rednecks who don't know any better.  I just walk away from that because you can't fix generations of stupid.  

Coming back to current day and time I must say that I never thought I'd see the day that corporate wouldn't care about the worker bees.  Our immediate supervisor is gone and her boss has inherited a huge understaffed mess.  Just bless his heart is all I can say.  

It was a little too damp for the fireworks yesterday so I've got some left to blow up in honor of being a rebel.  Just because I can ^j^

Monday, July 3, 2017

let freedom ring

Well you just never know what a day is gonna' bring.  I was fairly well rested and showed up on time.  We worked and talked and worked some more.  Our cafeteria is closed most of the time on holiday long weekends so we shared food from home.  A normal holiday eve in paradise.  Martha brought me some sand from Key West to go with the Orange Beach, Gulf Shores and Hilton Head samples.  All are proudly displayed on the bench.

I began to work as an MT in 1977 following my graduation from UTCHS in the Allied Health program.  At that time the program was three years of pre-reqs and one hell year at UT with rotations at various Memphis hospitals to learn phlebotomy abd the basics like processing blood in the basement of John Gaston.  With Eva Quinley and Camille Pridgen :)  Brenta Davis was our fearless leader.  She became politically involved in trying to gain recognition and respect for the lab.  The world was wide open to us clinical laboratory scientists!

Pathologists are the ones who oversee clinical laboratory operations and histo and cyto and such.  We once had two people in that department and our core lab absorbed the loss of those FTEs by attrition.  The decision was made to outsource the tissue path to a lab in Memphis which is where our processing man hours come in.  

Anyway, my bossfriend decided to hang up the lab coat so it was kind of umm...a different day.  We got it done but it was  sorta like walking around at a wake in a daze.  The entire team came together via technology to hear the news.  There were stunned looks and more than a few tears.  We carried on as usual just as the team does when their leader makes a good decision.  Whatever comes next is not our problem.  

Other than that it's all unicorns and rainbows.  Mamye dropped off some roman candles and sparklers so I could have  a happy Independence Day eve.  My dinner last night was squash baked with olive oil, garlic pepper and balsamic vinegar.  O.M.G.  The more that my focus turns toward being creative rather than a worker bee, the better my soul feels.  I just accept it as karma for always trying to do the the next right thing.  

Sunday, July 2, 2017

a day off without pay

I am still munching on the asian salad from Bus Stop Cafe with a side of brisket.  That shit is to die for.  My friend and I visited several places in Dyersburg today and found it to be quite hot.  She helped me get the stove back together and got her car fixed.  All is well with the world at the moment.  We bought squash corn and soap before I ran out of money.  She told me that to be a USDA certified market that accepts EBT cards you have to have a special machne and evidently ours doesn't have one thus you pay cash.  I don't know about y'all but I'd much rather have my tax dollars going toward fresh food rather than sugary soft drinks.  Just saying.

Ryan showed up while we were killing time to do the yard so we listened to the mowers and weedeaters hum for an hour or two, checking our phones in silence and just "being,"  While we were eating lunch I got a call that the phone said was Ryan.  Okay then  he's working on the yard so I expected to hear his voice when I answered.  "Is your back door open, I've got you some eggs from the girls".  Um.  Yep, only it didn't sound like Ryan at all though I knew the voice.  It took me until today to figure out what I had done.  Patrick wanted Ryan's number to hire him for mowing and when I sent the number it MERGED their numbers in my phone   Yeah I's my sign.  I will soon get the neighbor back in his proper area code.  

I slept for 14 hours and had to make myself get up shoppng.  Before I went I visited Gigi and found her well.  We went through all her meds and Googled them and talked about how fortunate she is to be alive.  It takes a village you know.

Several friends of mine went to a family reunion yesterday and had a ball doing what folks do when they get together for the 4th.  Last night one of that family died suddenly leaving them all in shock this morning.   Prayers all around for that tribe.  Amy has lost a lot of folks lately just like I did.  It takes a toll on your spirit.  

Live love and laugh as if each day were your last.  It just might be.


Saturday, July 1, 2017

up and at 'em

For some reason my eyes popped open early this morning so I just went with it and got up.  At the chicken store I noticed Bubba ( and Sally, of course ) gassing up so I got some quality time with them.  It doesn't take us long to catch up but Sally needed some extra love before going to the vet.  She has absolutely the sweetest spirit of any animal I've ever known and is so well trained she goes to just the right spot on the tailgate to get her head rubs.  As I was coming down Samaria Bend behind them, I spotted a deer run across a bean field and through a tree line.  When I stopped to watch him he was still as a mouse waiting for me to pass on by.  Early morning outings are their favorite.  

I found a big fat tomato worm on the biggest of my plants and he had already consumed two limbs so he got removed and the dust went on.  Those things give me the creeps.  I don't usually get comments on the blog site so when I do I look pretty closely because evidently some terrorists in Turkey use my blog as a secret site to set up meetings.  I'm not playing, y'all.  DELETE to all you folks in Ankara at the VR cafe.  

Here it is almost Independence Day already and it was just Easter, seems like.  The longest day of the year has passed which means we're headed toward fall slowly but surely.  I can't "see" it yet like me and Mama did, but I will and I'll remember us calling each other to report on the progression of summer which we both disliked due to an intolerance for the heat of a Tennessee July.  There will be fireworks and BBQ everywhere by tradition.  I probably need to stop at one of the tents and pick up a few roman candles and sparklers like I did for the new year.

Time for me to do something productive I suppose.  The luxury of waking up slowly with no agenda is something that I do not take for granted what with all those 6AM reportings to the sawmill.  I cannot fathom not having to go there everyday to pay the bills but I'm trying my best to manifest it!!

 Keep the faith ^j^