Thursday, May 5, 2016

carrying a clipboard

I had this friend who worked for management at a major aircraft company in Dallas. He struggled with hating the city life and wanting to do something that made him happier than  carrying that clipboard and looking worried about stats.  Last I heard he had taken up a new line of work and moved to Colorado.  He always was one to follow that star.  He and his partners wrote powerful emotional pieces about current topics in a way that held my interest and turned me kind of rabid on the liberal political view.  I can't remember the name of the others but one was in Missouri....Mule maybe?  The other was umm..I forget.  Blogging was just beginning to be a thing before they could be categorized by topic and mine was just out there.  Mommy blogging became big during that time because hey!  It's excellent therapy.

There was one I read called Hospice Guy which was pretty much as you would expect.  This is how I learned about the whole philosophy that EK Ross and other pioneers worked their asses off for.  To be in a compassionate setting with an incurable disease is a huge blessing no matter what life has dealt.  If there is family around to do the sitting and hand holding so much the better.  Often, there is nobody but the paid professionals on duty.  That's when you are blessed with ones who care and wish to do no harm.  The entire industry revolves around money and has for many years.  Not for profit companies are just as guilty when they use apportionment dollars to keep their healing ministry going and make a few bucks.  They're all the same basically.

As Rod would say "Here's the thing."  Each of us is given a talent by Big Ernie and often more than one. You might be a wonderful writer and good cook plus have a great voice.  If these gifts are used to his glory and honor, you have done well in his eyes. Or hers, if you believe in Sophia.  I have used mine for therapy and my own personal enjoyment to escape the reality of a dead end job and stressful family situation.  Had I been smarter there would be more focus on the talent and less on the stress creators.  Because in the end, you're all you've got.

Well, you and Big E.


Wednesday, May 4, 2016

elder advice

I ran into the dear deaf internist who cared for both of my parents at the end and now claims me as a patient as well.  We've had lots of conversations over the past months several of them with me in tears and threatening to run away.  He is calm, cool and puts things in bullet points where a crazy ass crying woman can understand how to get from point A to point B.  And still...I drag my feet.  "Expecting rain?" he asked since I was carrying Daddy's UT umbrella.  In fact, it was left from yesterday's showers and needed a ride back to the Camry for the next monsoon.  I thought he was going to tell me to get that scope done and his words were "get out and have a little fun."  Just what the doctor ordered.

My friend Debbie is a librarian who has lived in Texas since she was 19.  About ten years ago she randomly selected me as " looks like a nice place to visit " and spent a few days on the hill with us.  She's the one who helped me put down out of control fire #1 from asparagus burning.  It was November, dry as a bone and crop stubble everywhere so there you go.  We both had a broom and it eventually hit the road in spite of ourselves.  I could just see me having to tell corporate I burned down the farm.  Which almost happened last year, by the way.  We haven't talked in like forever so yesterday afternoon's long conversation was a treat.  Her husband died last year following a long illness and we compared miseries concerning the vicious cycle of hospital, rehab, nursing home.  She left a long term job that she had come to hate and found great joy in an opportunity to blend her Christian beliefs with a love of books.  I just love that story!

Poor idiot Cruz will go down in presidential history as the one who smacked his wife in the face as he was giving up the ghost against the Donald.  That's right up there with Cheney shooting his friend!  The 3rd party idea is being tossed around ( again ) as if it's a new idea with all eyes on beating Hillary or else deciding she's better than Trump.  That's kind of a sideways conservative kind of logic but it is what it is.  There is and has been a 3rd party in this race from day one and his name is Bernie.  There has never been a more opportune moment to shake up the two party system and all the negativity that it promotes.  Vote for somebody and forget about partisan politics for once.  The right to elect our leaders is a valuable one and should be made with an educated mind.

I've put it off long enough and the floor must be mopped to prepare for open house on the Lane.  Hopefully I'll make enough to buy a swimsuit and new tennis shoes.

Namaste ~.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

forward motion

I'm creeping along, but still moving which goes to show you that determination trumps fatigue, for today anyhow.  I'm sitting under the central air away from outdoor pollen and listening to music on my itty bitty phone because that's how I roll.  Without buds, by the way.  But even there, the ads are everywhere.  I'm in a 2 year TV contract and never turn it on except for an occasional random search.  I definitely miss BG in that respect because she recorded all the good stuff.  I'm rummaging through piles and posted some old pics of high school friends many MANY moons ago.  We've all gone our separate ways over the past 40 plus years, but we never forget to walk on the wild side.

My mind has been opened on a number of levels over the past years.  I've learned a lot about how a grieving family stresses and breaks then comes back together without the others.  Sometimes sudden, often prolonged....death comes randomly according to lifestyle and heredity and choices made.  Sometimes it's just a "shit happens" kind of deal.  I truly believe that the good lord knows the time and circumstances so that's one less thing to worry about.  That being said, life is short so get with it Poops.  I'm dreaming again and seeing possibility where I never thought it would be in my life.  It is acceptance and letting go and it feels mighty good.  The clock is steady ticking.

The beach looks a little closer and I'm glad not to be there lately with the monsoons and such.  I would be sooooooo pissed if I didn't get at least one sunny day out of it.  I can play cards anywhere, ya know?  I was a lifeguard at the Moose Pool during  high school summers and that's what we did when the rains came and we had to kill time until the sun came out.  Spades and Hearts all the way baby.    We flipped burgers, made cokes and babysat for a bazillion kids whose parents dropped them off or settled in for some quality time with them.  I can tell it now because the statue is up but I was once impaired on the lifeguard stand.  The water was to die for gorgeous if you get my drift.  I never had to dive in and save anybody but I did pull a few out of the deep when somebody got stupid.

Grace ~

Monday, May 2, 2016

retail therapy

My habit has always been to eat crappy hospital food for lunch because I don't like the hassle of getting out. Lately I've discovered that it's a nice way to break up the day so as to prevent overload and freak out. Sometimes even that doesn't help, but at least it's some sort of break from reality.  I bought a dress today for the beach, a simple 12 buck rayon tie dye that caught my eye at the drug store.  There is still no swim suit but I'll get to that one shortly.  Hell I can always buy one when we get there.

The sale is on for three days this weekend at Casa Grands.  Sale Lady  didn't much want me to put it on Facebook because she's already BOUGHT advertising if you can believe that shit.  She obviously doesn't know how good of a marketing tool that FB really is.  Of course she's 80 and doesn't like anybody messing with her "production."  Whatever.   She also didn't want to deal with any of my stuff which brings me to having a one day only bargainananza up here on the hill this Saturday.  My youngest brother should be in the area so maybe we can dig through memories and have a cold one.

Is it just me or have things settled down a bit?   I'm not hearing much out of Trump or ISIS or that fat little fuck in NOK so there's that to be thankful for.  Shhhh...knock wood.  It's still cloudy and wet but the weather should turn soon in time for what we now call "the end."  A house mover will meet with corporate to ascertain chances for moving up the hill.  If not, they'll stay put and go to Plan B.  I like that about them, all with the preservation of history.  LERD...we got it!

Here's the thing to all you people who never stop talking enough to listen:  Everybody has a story and it's not all about you 24/7.  Unless dinner was outstanding, I don't need a play by play.  Ditto for church and every other thing because we're there to work.  Fellowship happens when we work together for the common good of the team.  One of the things I've learned in Anon is that you cannot make someone choose to be happy.  That's a personal decision.

Empathy is the ability to feel someone else's pain to the point that you put yours aside.  It's actually a very healing activity.  It is a gift from God or a gene...maybe both.  Mostly I think it comes from being heard and respected as a child and developing adult.  I had teachers all along the way who challenged me to be better like Mr. Bruce, Milam and Uncle Jim.  Rena Moss was my heroine and the gal who got me hooked on science.  Madame Gauldin taught me French which I never used so there you go.  Now it's Chinese which makes much more sense in the whole scheme of things.

I got organized on the job today and thank goodness nobody was bleeding to death or anything.  I have always been intrigued with the whole Dooce thing because how, really do they know you're talking about them?  Context perhaps.  Never any names because HIPPA doesn't allow.  No pictures but always ALWAYS with the stories of life and death.  I have given my best to an industry that is pretty competitive at this point.   Healthcare facilities are brokers for mega corporations and insurance is the middle man along with Big Pharm.   As a veteran healthcare provider I can tell you that a lot of free food comes out of their budgets when the drug reps visited.  Which was often.  Gotta' keep that formulary list up to date.

I actually got a bot comment because of yesterday's title.  Ain't life strange?

Brother Dave said......

Sunday, May 1, 2016

tennessee waltz

Our state has been Republican for so long that I hardly remember the old days of Blanton and such.  Frank Clement?  Winfield Dunn. Phil Bredesen was my favorite.  Poor Haslam is trying to be a bit progressive but the old farts just won't get with his programs.  Or at least that's the excuse.  The history of our state is legendary from the Big Muddy to Gatlinburg and beyond.  The most beautiful road trip I ever took was from the Ocoee River across and up North Carolina back onto I-40.  I met a new co-worker who lives in that area and is moonlighting.  His daughter is doing her first tour as a rafting guide this summer.  The water that flows down the canyon is TVA controlled by a dam and water is released on schedule during the months that river people like to play.  I did it twice, and  it was the most fun I can say I ever had thus far in life.  Of course that could change at any moment.

I'm headed to see BG tomorrow with a few things she requested like her Daddy's ashes.  He's been riding in the Cadi since last fall and now that car is parked under the big ass pine tree not running.  It's time for him to go home and I see that her being where she is came from his determination to be her hero and his faith in working the steps.  It's a God thing, if you will.

Nashville is the home of country music and Memphis has Graceland.  Lake County Tennessee is home to one of the greatest wonders of the world aka Reelfoot Lake and fried fish.  My friends hold a collection of history that documents the passage of time in that little corner and it will go to the museum of history at the state park.

SO! Now it's Sunday and I've made a quick trip to visit Lauren at her new house.  It's a very controlled environment and should be.  Their model of addiction treatment is very successful and well led.  Pnoler's ashes are delivered to BG for sprinkling, when she's ready of course.  I have a feeling he'll be sitting by her bed for quite awhile.  I met lots of new people today and liked most of them.  In a sense, it was like church only without the hymns.  Does that make sense?  Annie called to share a story about her own granddaughter who is 14 hand writing a note to Lauren because she can't see to do it.  Our system rocks, dontcha' know?  So it rained for two days solid and today was only 20% only the heavens opened up right when I hit Campbell and I floated on out to 412.  Looks like round 2 is on the way toward the lane as we speak.

serenity ~

Friday, April 29, 2016

butt monkeys

That's a term that Mahala coined over in the holler to describe folks who want to meddle, moan and otherwise rain on  somebody's parade instead of focusing on their own business and ugly issues.  It's kind of like the proverb of throwing stones when living in a glass house.  Or walk a mile in another person's shoes, so to speak.  I googled the word micromanager today and found, as I suspected, that it's a management style in business that has a rather negative connotation, and rightfully so.  This style of manager focuses on minute details of a task at the front line level and fails to properly delegate unless things are constantly supervised.  This not only inhibits creativity and growth among team members but actually fosters resentment in both a horizontal and vertical fashion on the power grid.  Wiki said that this style of management is often the by-product of a toxic parent/child relationship that involves conditional love.  When you meet somebody whom you think you can never please?  Run the other way because you will not win.  They are normally very upwardly managing to support corporate goals.  They TRULY believe that if you do a good job and go above and beyond there will be a reward.

News flash kids!   Those days of employee appreciation with perks like raises and recognition banquets are in the rearview.  Now you buy the shirt from them that you are required to wear.  I've had a lot of fun this week being in the patient centered environment but it's pretty physically demanding.  I think I'll buy some new tennis shoes since these are almost a year old.  It looks like the freakin' zombie moors outside the big ass window and it's pretty much the same thing all over.  Sounds like Trumps rednecks are about to get their asses kicked by #liberalrednecks everywhere so that's amusing plus Trae is hot to trot.  Southern Mom is also a sure lmfao in dark times.  If you're gonna rant it might as well be funny and topical.

BG is good and serene and in a safe healthy environment.  So am I as long as I don't have to get out in the mess that is this afternoon.  My body is tired, but more than that I am soul sick.  Someone told me today that I make myself a victim by saying folks pick on me.  There's a difference between taking ownership of a situation and doing better and just saying it's somebody else's fault.  My fatal flaw has been to overextend ME to the point that I'm a hot mess.  Which is, as well all know is #1.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

idol worship

I'm in a dark mood so bear with me for a few.  I have several favorite Jesus tales and one of the top three is that little fit in the temple with the evil moneychangers.  In many ways our society is that way still as in "always thus and so."  But here's the thing about that......Jesus got mad and demanded some justice.  In the end, that was the last thing he got but that's another chapter and verse.  His social activism shines through miracle after kindness and the occasional "don't piss me off" rant.  God will smite thee, you know.  A capitalistic society like ours is a hotbed for privitization of every little thing which increases the corporate budget and cuts payroll locally.  In the last ten years I've seen EVS, Food service and other things handed over to another company to do something we could pay someone well to do and cut out the middle man. That being said, most of them seem much happier than me at this point.

I am a fairly intelligent person so it sort of bothers me when someone fails to take the time to listen to my ideas.  To be summarily dismissed after offering up a valuable opinion is something that took me off guard today.  I'm used to respect for my years of experience not being told to shhhh.  It's just another one of those ways that the Universe sends cosmic vibes at just the right time to spur action.

I'm paying for garbage service and haven't had the energy to even haul the can out to the road in two weeks but now it's there waiting for Friday.  Carrying the can was the last of Daddy's chores to go by the wayside and James Frank did it for him the last months.  I talked with a friend this morning whose parents have long term care insurance running around 6K per year.  The company's payout in contingent on an 18 buck an hour wage for CNAs who make nowhere near that because they're contracted by the insurance company.  They charge you out the ass for the premium and then out the ass for using the service. for them.  That type coverage is out of reach for most folks and can bankrupt even a wealthy family over a period of years.  My experience has been that finding someone recommended by a person you trust for a lower rate saves you the hassle. worked for my parents however I still owe the local rehab about 600 bucks for my dead mother's care.  That will come out of the sale money.

Really?  I'm trying to hard to stay positive but I'm worn ass out.  At this point, anything is possible if we just keep the faith.