Tuesday, July 22, 2014

mysterious ways

The cool snap is long gone but was nice while it lasted. It is now hotter than hades and humid to boot. We are entering the dog days which is mighty dry so, no fires in the near future. Not that I can build one with my left hand or anything. I am resigned myself to the fact that it's gonna' hurt like hell for awhile but be worth it in the long run. We shall see. Of course sports are out of the question for a year but, ohmygod. I haven't played sports in a kazillion years and then not very well. I remember tearing my hamstring as I tumbled down the steep hill next to our little cemetery and BG thought she was gonna have to take me to ER. Truth be known, I probably should have gone. Two days later my entire leg was purple from hip to foot. My little Doogie Howser GP was so alarmed he sent me for an ultrasound. I take enough aspirin that clots weren't an issue, however I couldn't sit on that ass cheek for about 3 months.

The neighborhood theme is running strong these days and I ran into yet another one today at the sawmill. His mama just died and we talked about that and my parents. He's the one who picked Daddy up from his first bloody walking fall on the gravel and brought him home for me to clean up. No ambulance, of course. Ornery old coot! My EMT friends tell me that unless a person consents to the ride they can't force it. I remember the pecan picking guy passing out one day and his response when they came up was hell naw. Dude even jumped in his truck and drove off. I admire the spirit that my parents have about getting old even though it frustrates me at times. They want to stay home and they long for the freedoms that aging has taken from them. Some of their friends came to get them to go out to dinner last night and I was glad to hear that. These are the folks they used to go to the White River with fishing and visiting once or twice a year. That seems like a hundred years ago, yet old friends never go away.

My grandmother's version of life was simply this: "The way I see it Janie, we're all just loaned to each other by God." That keeps me going when the losses seem too painful to bear. It's the same way with true friends...you spend intense periods together and go through stuff that binds you together from here to eternity. One of my favorite passages in the Bible describes the road to Emmaus and the believers walking along there together discussing what they had seen. Little did they know that JC was right there with them hearing the whole story.

Peace and love ^j^

Monday, July 21, 2014

smooth operator

I had remote problems last night and ended up watching Frank Underwood gas poor Peter for about the tenth time. It makes it even worse knowing that he pushed Zoey in front of a train. Dayum, and I thought I had known some cold people in my day. He and Claire are a perfect couple cast in ice. The one I most relate to is Nancy because she's always saying "yes Frank" and "how quick Frank?" That's the story of my life and if I were made that way I'd never know any different. The hard part of being me is that I'm a rebel with a cause and it's usually about truth and justice and what Jesus would do. The maddest I ever got was sitting through an annual conference of the UMC, as a delegate and employee of their healthcare system, and hearing the CEO pitch services at a place where "we know what a miracle you are". I failed to show up the next year as an alternate and got kicked out chastised for not doing my duty. Also at that conference I heard a long morose diatribe by a minister my age with whom I was friends in high school. The tone of his rambling addressed not one single rule but how hard it is to keep a family together when you move all the time. He should know, like his father and grandfather before him. There are always ordinations, and I can't recall who was getting blessed that time.

I had just enough time between work and work to visit the ortho doc who's doing my shoulder next week. Duration of the procedure is 1-2 hours with a same day discharge barring complications which we certainly do pray not to have. I saw my warrior friends Vicki and Paula today and they've got me on their list. They clean houses so maybe they'll help a girl out. Mainly I need someone to run errands. I get paid while I'm off but the bills gotta' get caught up on. When you live on the edge like me, forgetting the utility bill can cause sudden blackouts. Still no chair but maybe this weekend. My brother says he'll get it done but he really doesn't have time what with his three jobs to make what I earn as a "professional." This man has the first buck he ever earned hangin' on the wall, framed and everything. He's a tightwad who knows how to party! Some of the best times of my life were spent in the nightclub he owned that is now a parking lot for the Baptist church which meets where the oak furniture store used to reside. Long story, that one.

I heard from Harvey after sending that awesome picture of what I like to call "my house" on the hill. I swear the very same windows with rope pullies are still in this house. The weights alone could get me a trip to Fiji after cashing in at the junkyard. Southern charm and all that. But here's the thing....I don't own it. All these years I have paid rent to the tune of 150K for the privilege of living on my homeplace close to my parents. It was a conscious decision made by me mostly, to raise my daughter in an environment away from traffic and bullshit and enable her to experience nature as a kid. She did all that and more, ya' know? There have always been horses and possums and cows and LOTS of dogs and cats to keep her occupied as an only child in the country. Our yard was host to many a girl scout meeting or SS party. One year the class of which I was a member descended on Pecan Lane in November and funded some charity or another. The Sojourners class, I believe. It was an eclectic mix of rich locals and homegrown travelers. Today's forbidden pleasure via FB and SP was a picture of my friend Sandi's hand holding her mother's with her tatoo of Love showing. BG has one in the exact spot with Faith. And that's what we're keeping.


Saturday, July 19, 2014


Miss Mary and her daughter Juanita came by to scoop me up this morning for a visit with mom and daddy and surprisingly enough, they were both ready to receive visitors early in the day. We showed off the house and talked about each others' families which includes a lot of history pertaining to Calcutt Farms. Mary had a picture of the back of my house made in the 20s which I took a picture of with the bad ass Leica. Damn, I love that camera! Thanks Little John for that and the gas eating Cadillac. Mary told me that her daddy helped to plant the pecan trees that line my lane. A couple of them are hicans? which is a hickory nut and pecan mixture. My own father planted several himself. The magnolias over by the cabin behind the barn are still in bloom due to cool weather and I've yet to hear the ree'a'rees. No sweet corn either! Polar vortex indeed.

I haven't checked in with MSM yet so I don't have a clue who's shooting who or how the investigations are going. Sometimes you just have to opt out on reality, ya' know? All I know is that I will never fly Malaysian Airlines again, even though I never did. Lily is sharing the desk chair with me sucking up and wanting to jump on the keyboard and help. If she didn't think I'd smack her ass, she probably would. When she was a kitten she would lay on my shoulder like she did with Bracken's mom. Following many years of crazy cat lady escapades, she is our one and only le mew mew.

There is an issue that I'm really struggling with at the moment and I'd appreciate all kinds of prayer warrior attention for some peace in that area. Per my reality there are several challenges on the table but this one is wearing me smooth out. A real spirit killer, if you will. One of the curses of being a "strong willed child" is that it takes too many lessons to drive a point home and I end up battered and bruised. And doing the ugly cry WAYYYY too often! Point taken and the ball is back to me. Too bad I can't swing a racket or bat with this bum arm. T-10 days and counting.


Friday, July 18, 2014

innocents abroad

WWIII is rumbling louder by the day and I'm trying not to be alarmed but damn. What kind of idiot shoots down a passenger plane or teenage boys on the beach? One who is doing the devil's work, that's who! Violence and war beget hatred and intolerance and are fueled by greed and self importance. There's really nothing to do at this point to do but pray for peace. Not necessarily "world peace" because we all know that ain't gonna' happen. Maybe just peace for a day, or at least a ceasefire that lasts longer than 24 hours. Or maybe we're just all gonna hold hands and go to Armageddon. I don't have a clue, but I'll go kicking and screaming and trying to fight for justice and equality. Jesus would like that, I think.

I'm rounding up the neighbors for a meet'n'greet with Miss Mary and Juanita tomorrow. Another neighbor's mama died and her funeral is at 10 so we'll have to juggle the schedule a bit. Plus there's the recliner moving deal that needs to happen sooner rather than later the night before surgery. Wayne and Gigi are gonna' help with that. I'm really REALLY dreading this whole thing but I know that if I don't do it I'll be worthless. I talked to an old friend from the profession while he was on the way to work today and told him what ails me at the moment. He didn't have any answers but was a good listener on all levels. We talked about options and realities and honestly it was good just to be heard in a non-threatening way. Free therapy!

Batteries are charging for the Leica right now and there will be pictures of the gathering tomorrow, ya'll hide and watch. Maybe even some of Boogs for your viewing pleasure. I've been way too tired and broken to try and capture a moment lately. Hopefully, this too shall pass.


Thursday, July 17, 2014

as you wish

It's hard to figure out what drives folks and I'm an amateur anthropologist/psych minor so there is some sort of decent groundwork for me to choose what to dust off and what to take to heart. There are certain people in your life with authority whom you must not piss off because they can make your life a living hell. When your turn comes, it's like nobody ever knew the feeling before you. Mahala's Bossholio is one of those authority figures, only he just pretty much let her do the work and left her alone. I'm envious, to say the least even though she and Twatwaffle have had many a round. It's all about power and it's all about control and I've had enough rules to last me a lifetime. No matter how high you set the bar nothing is ever enough.

I ran into my neighbor Gerald who owns the little cemetery where I'll be buried, hopefully much later. He and Judy have been in our 'hood for the entire time I've lived here and have a fantastically awesome little spot on the river. My daddy is 83 today and got a homemade chocolate cake plus a bunch of funny cards about passing gas and being old. BG had the hair run this morning and an interview that remains to be followed up on with a possibility for work in action, so to speak. The funds are running low again so it's a necessity to get this show on the road. Boogs is watching a movie with her while his mama naps. Maybe I can manage that while I'm off, ya think? HR is all outsourced now so it's the employee's responsibility to co-ordinate benefits with the contractor. I made the call this morning and will get an answer within 2 business days concerning the paperwork which I must take to my doctor and have faxed to them. Now mind you, I've been maxed out on said benefit for several years with accrual that would make you snicker. But hey...I've got it right? Yet another friend is facing a huge challenge by taking on a couple of more greatauntie kids and bless her heart she said she'd understand if I don't make it to help her move on the 30th. It's been a huge blessing for all involved as three families swap houses and start new lives. I totally love it when that happens.

So, the Russian backed Ukraine rebels shot down a passenger plane to make exactly WHAT statement? Terrorists are scary shit and the product of weak governments caving into rich country firepower. So is the current Israeli Palestinian slaughter of innocents. Stop the madness people. Jesus wouldn't like any of this crap nor would Allah or Buddah. Today's buzz phrase? "You will not steal my joy."

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

feeling fierce

I'm tired. I know, I know. It's my own fault for not getting fixed sooner but I was being obedient rather than wise. Every day is a struggle with me quietly doing lifts-offs and bear hugs trying to talk myself out of six weeks of pain and physical therapy. On the one hand, if I can't use that hand and arm, I'm screwed. No job, so to speak. No writing or doing of anything that I've done the same way for 58 years. I'm already plotting to do podcasts from my recliner with my kickass smarter than hell stylish red phone (thanks Josh) that costs 600 bucks. I think he knew when I walked in through the slush on that dreary afternoon that I needed something with big digits and a style statement. BG was gone and the fam had just moved in and I was just really sort of a little lost lamb. There have been some tough times for all of us lately including but not limited to family drama and truth vs. honesty. I think we're all on the same page, no?

Now there's something I don't see every day! I just noticed a couple and their child walking down the road toward bi-polar neighbor's place. If Jenny had been with them, Oscar would have followed. Gizmo is still in breeding heaven with the two big girls so we shall see about that. Sammy and Oscar are both sterile so we've never much to worry about that except for free range great danes. BG has an interview tomorrow for the first promising job opp she's seen in months so let's hold hands and say ohmmmm and sweet baby jeebus' please. At this point, even an opportunity for an interview is a blessing.

Changing the subject as I am apt to do, I'm listening to the soundtrack of Rent which never tires me. Always..always, I feel inspired by five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes. Meanwhile, the playlist has moved on to Huey Lewis and the News. 'Cause that's how I roll. Conservatives are pretty worried about the Elizabeth Warren upward trend and rightfully so. If I were Mitch McConnell I'd just kiss my ass goodbye and retire quietly into the hills of the great state of Kentucky. If you think about it, the GOP should be courting conservative liberals like me instead of letting the Tea Party run them out of business. That's called shooting yourself in the foot, ya'll.

Anywho...ya'll have a glorious rest of hump day and call your mother.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


Lo and behold here came Ms Mary and her daughter Juanita pulling in this morning with books and notes and all kinds of stuff pertaining to the history of our farm. We sat at my great grandmother's kitchen table with mis-matched chairs and talked some serious back in the day chat. I already knew most of the history from my daddy, but this pre-dates what he remembers. I rode in the backseat on a random visit to Mozella, who wasn't home, by the way. We cruised on down to the dead end circle drive that is on the river. On the way back, we passed the little Carter family cemetery where Willie is buried and he died in 1860ish I think? Fascinating. Further research will be into the original land grants and their deeds. The names are always there if you look hard enough. Bubba and I visited the old library and saw the map, drawn to scale by a former architect named Milton Rice. Dude plays a mean flute.

Still don't have a surgery date because I missed the callback from robo-nurse yesterday and now I'm at the end of the line. Today's project is to get my room clean and figure out how to get that recliner up in there. One must plan ahead when there will be extended left handed periods. No writing except by proxy. Hey...I'll get BG and Shannah to type!!!!I woke this morning to dogs wanting out and Booger crying. But when I opened that door and felt the cool air, all I could say was "thank you sweet baby jeebus!"

I don't claim to have all the answers, or even a few of them. I am who I am and my beliefs run deep and along the lines of peace and love. Kids and animals can't help it...we can. Everybody has pain from wounds that, while not always intentionally given, hurt just as much. What I've found that makes it all okay is a plethora of little things like a good hard laugh or bear hug. A random call or text just to check in and see if you've missed the funeral. A card in the mail that isn't from a bill collector. BF always selected her cards carefully and on theme. Love ya...mean it.

My daddy will be 83 Thursday and we had to pick up cards at the dollar gentral' on our animal food run. I called to line up a potential visit with Mary and Juanita and he sounded excited for the first time in a very LONG time. That's worth more than gold, ya' know? Ms Mary cried when talking about her family and memories here. Juanita said "it's hard to talk about this stuff sometimes."

Indeed it is ^j^