Friday, October 31, 2014

one good reason

I am a huge Paul Carrack fan from way back in the day and his music is the kind that gives me the clarity to make sense of what life has handed me. By Ebola and Russian standards, it's been pretty damn good, like the Cleavers only in the country. We were on the fringes of high society separated only by the loss of the family fortune in the 70's. At that time my mother and aunt became my Gaga's caretaker and found her a duplex she could afford on SS only I bet there was some supplemental $ to keep her there. Aunt Nancy and Uncle Jimbo bought the house across the street and made it cute as hell. There was a little pond on the patio and I can see BG and Kristen as two year olds going for a swim. Jim had a way of making everything special, sort of like my mama. I can't count the number of times they moved but the last house he bought was a two story treasure in Newbern that we salvaged and he flipped. That was in his spare time from being a band leader and music instructor.

Sometime in his early fifties Jimbo made a random visit to his GP who did blood work and found his bone enzyme levels to be quite elevated. As it turned out, he had prostate cancer with bone mets. He lived for about four more years thanks to the anti-testosterone drug. Doing fine...changed jobs after many years and was everybody's hero over in Obion County with his creative field shows. Suddenly, the cancer became aggressive and took over his bone marrow requiring frequent blood and platelet transfusions. A negative, if memory serves me correctly. As a healthcare geek I saw it coming for about six months before anybody else had a clue that the end was near. He had violent reactions to the platelet transfusions that kept him from bleeding to death but then he died anyway, at an age younger than I am now. Aunt Granny has never been the same since.

His funeral was a packed out church full of folks including the entire Obion County Central marching band, in uniform. I was seated between his two daughters with whom I had spent my entire childhood being who we were. There was a marching band contest for many years, held in October and his family presented the winning band with a a silver cup. The generation that remembers he and my grandmother for their achievements are slowly becoming elders themselves. I had to run down and medicate Mama last night because she was all anxious about ummm. I don't have a clue except that nothing has changed since she left in an ambulance 9 weeks ago. On a side note, I'm wearing the stole with pockets that Blogfairy sent me last Christmas as well as the black undershirt. It's cold and I reckon it's time but damn I still owe propane guy 200 bucks. There will be much covering of windows on the northwest side, just saying.

My friend TinaBelle never fails to dress up for Halloweenie and today was no exception. She was sporting a hot pink jacket with black poodles and matching pink converse. The patient access department was a whole bunch of dalmatians with one evil lookin' bitch as their leader. The last time I dressed up was as a street reporter headed to the bar and the girls at the chicken store made me come in and pay which was not required at the time.

Just got a request from the grands to run out to Kroger and pick up her nerve pills and I flat refused but offered to share a couple of mine. They are literally wearing me out and it's nobody's fault. With my clusterf**k of a life, I wouldn't count on me much longer if I were them. Boundaries are meant to be set. We've had this big dramafest over the past 24 hours with the county law and a several year old unsolved murder that happened around Halloween. Poor girl's body got thrown in the kudzu and wasn't found for six weeks. According to our weekend forecast, I'd say the local kudzu cover will be gone by Monday.

TGIF and praise sweet baby jeebus. Leave a message at the beep.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

shake it off

Lord have mercy y'all...times are tense. It's been way too long since I sat on the beach with an umbrella drink and listened to the surf. There's something about that horizon that just makes me feel small but important all at the same time. I will never forget the mother daughter trip me and Liz took with our girls where I mostly sat on the balcony and drank beer while they were out partying. No tattoo for BG on that go-around. My last trip was farther east to Sandestin and I can honestly say it was worth the extra miles. That was four and a half years ago and too far from the sand. I want to hear the surf when I go to sleep, ya know?

Mama's second day home was challenging what with a brand new intake by my favorite nurse Dana and PT with Mario. She's still kind of uneasy not having somebody to help her get around except for Daddy which I totally understand. She honestly told me that the reason he's talking to himself "now" is that she was gone so long. I gently broke it to her that it's been going on steady for the past two years. He is afraid because he is responsible for her and it puts him in OCD overdrive. Ms. Faye said he slept a lot while she was gone which is always good. If he's napping there's no schedule! It's cloudy again following a beaUUTIFUL day with lots of eye candy. My favorites are the gumball trees and maples.

I'm learning to trust again..not only myself but others who have given me plenty of reason not to. Right now I'm listening to the Doobie Brothers and their post-Katrina masterpiece. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for what happened there and the fact that Ray was just living fat and sassy while all those folks just washed away. The coast has recovered which is amazing considering the fact that Sandy came along and did the same thing years later. Cities in the Keys have water in the streets outside businesses. Tell me that shit ain't real. The thing that makes me the maddest is the the Corp spent funds designated on shoring up those levees on other projects. But maybe it's not their could just be global warming and a total denial of it by most people Republicans. I just hope I have the big one before the Hunger Games comes to Pecan Lane.

Meanwhile the DEA is busting legal grow operations in Colorado playing Big Ike because it's one week away from an election. Meanwhile our local county law enforcement has made two grow busts in private homes because, once again it's a week away from the election. I don't give a rat's ass who is mayor but I do have something to say about those props and my voice will be heard. BG and I have a date for the polling.

I'm sitting here looking out the uncovered windows watching nature. The squirrels and birds are scurrying around on their winter forage. There is only one dog on my bed right now and it's SammyD of course. He's getting on up in years but can still run like the wind. So can the other three. The damn cat just waits to be fed and pees on things if it doesn't happen quickly enough. WHATEVER bitch.

Happy Halloween Eve peeps. You may not recognize me tomorrow ^j^

Monday, October 27, 2014

watching the fall blow in

I think we set a record high today here on the lane and now the wind is whipping in that hot way that lets you know change is coming. Mama got to come home today from the sawmill and it was a much easier transfer now that she's walking a bit. One of the redcoat volunteers wheeled her out to the car and told me that she remembered both she and Daddy from their own volunteer days. Daddy got mad and quit when they moved their seats away from the original elevators. His red jacket and her pink one hang in my closet next to the never sold wedding dress and vintage girl scout uniform. I forgot I had mom's phone in my pocket so here comes Daddy up the hill on his gator with a mission of getting HER phone so that they could have three between them.

There have been times in my life when I thought I knew it all and looking back I think that it was a defense mechanism born of being called a stoopid girl. I have tried valiantly to learn survival techniques during my tenure as a single lady and have been fortunate enough to be sister to a brother who takes care of the stuff I don't have a clue about. I can feel myself slowly being engulfed in the manic phase of co=dependency where you try and try and try again to control outcomes. Reality says that isn't possible and it results in a lot of stress. Ya' think? That's the whole concept of "one day at a time" and the next right thing. Nothing can change the past and the guilt from it is enough to make us miserable if we let it. I choose not to.

Adding insult to injury, the tank on our water pump sprung a leak from rusted out spots so there's zero pressure and a lot of wet gravel. One of the Pritchett gang is across the lane plowing corn fields to get ready for wheat. Mama remarked on our ride home that the Camry was pretty loud and then told me about when she and daddy drove the back streets of Martin because they had no brakes. My buddy fixed the dryer and now the new washer is confused about spin cycles because it's all electronic I reckon. I heard there was a suspected Ebola case in the Memphis area who got TRANSFERRED to the mother ship. Let's just hope it was a drill. Once again, world health does not revolve around the citizens of the United States. And then there's the crazy French Canadian who went postal and killed a soldier for political reasons. Or maybe he was just off his meds, who the hell knows. Another student died from the Seattle area school shooting. Pundits predict that the GOP will sweep the mid-terms and that just makes me shake my pointy little head. My friends the Moody's added to their crew again today with the birth of Joe Read. His grandpa's name is Reader Franklin but he's just Chucky to us.

And all is well on Pecan Lane for the moment ^j^

Sunday, October 26, 2014

why, yes i am!

Listening to Christmas music on this unusually hot October afternoon, that is. Not that I'm a big Christmas fan in that way where you have to go visit every single relative on that particular day. I prefer to enjoy the Advent season and celebrate all along. As a child all I cared about was the loot. But now? It's all different. There have been many times that I've doubted the King James version of who Jesus is and how the whole thing went down. Yet I have never wavered in my belief that he was a miracle worker who reached out to those in need and made things better. I guess the Old Testament just reminds me we're all going to hell in a handbasket.

Another school shooting in a peaceful state, Ebola in Memphis and Elvis is still in the building. I rarely take the time anymore to sit and read through a piece but the background on the recent rise of ISIS or whatever the hell they are and those who have had their throats cut by evil then used media to bring the point home was too good to leave. What I see here is anarchy and it ain't pretty. I believe that we are all at fault by blaming peaceful Muslims for the actions of extremists following 9/11. When Bin Laden's boys back off, you know they're nuts. While it is tragic that Foley lost his life because the US refused to pay ransom, it tells me that Obamer ain't playing and neither is the UK. As you all must know because I'm a demolibtard, it's on HuffPost. Read it for your own self.

That Foley converted to Islam as a captive is not at all unusual. Remember Patti Hearst and the SLA? Waterboarding was common and other forms of unusual punishment for umm..why exactly? To raise money for their caliphate. Here's my take on the whole deal and bear with me okay? During the years leading up to 9/11/01 the American economy was booming, everybody had a couple of vehicles and enough food. Except most of the country's money was invested in China and Wall Street. To radical Islamists, the WTC represented everything they hated about our western ways even though they were making kazillions from us on oil. Enter stage left: Dick Cheney and Halliburton. If I was a betting gal I'd say those contractors whose crispy corpses swung on the bridge in Fallujah were employed by Big Dick who somehow managed to shoot his damned hunting partner. Rich but not real bright.

The really sad part of all of it is that innocents die every day over nothing more important than money. I'd like to take a baseball bat to the rapists in India, the genital mutilation dudes in Africa and the Republicans who keep trying to overturn Roe v Wade. Like the Eagles said, get over it. Kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight! I was kinda' lucky at the sawmill this weekend as I actually managed to visit my mama several times and talk with her caregivers. Bubba came by with a sausage roll from Daylight and we watched her scarf it down, both of us smiling at that appetite. It's little things, ya know. I'm sorry that UT took a loss but by the score it looks like they gave it the old college freshman try. A rebuilding year is what I think Daddy calls it. Crazy neighbors are on the move with trailers full of appliances and ATVs. What I would give to have a four wheeler for exploring this farm! Maybe Sugardaddy will bring his.


Saturday, October 25, 2014

same stuff, different day

As many of you may know my mother has been in rehab for about two months for a broken leg. We brought her home last Friday and home health has been making regular visits which doesn't set well with my father his OCDness. Like many folks I'm not real sure what the lesson here is except to do no harm. I had an extra day off because a co-worker wanted the shift and days off are few and far between. The dryer has been broken and was due to be repaired around noon so I slept 'til 10. Less than an hour later daddy called and said home health had called into their doc and he said to "send her to ER" for an evaluation. I tried desperately to keep from going through that routine again but it turned into a big drama fest so I called EMS transport who politely asked me next time to use 911. *sigh* I had just enough time to put on a bra and slap on some clothes and shoes and followed that bus all the way to the sawmill in my trusty old Camry with one hubcap. They were crazy busy up in there but it all seemed to flow because there was no big life saving effort in progress....just very sick people and many of them elderly. Definitely not Ebola.

The trouble with healthcare is that it focuses on diagnostics that make money from Medicare and big insurance. There is a huge political lobby dedicated to which drugs are given based on which contract or reimbursement for certain procedures are on special. Very little attention is paid to the family unit as a whole because nobody really understands the conflicting stories you get from multiple specialists on consult. There are many, I'm just saying. I met one today who treated as a peer and one who was looking after her parent's best interest and he immediately put me at ease. Without a bedside advocate to stop the madness, a lot of non essential testing is done. It's common practice everywhere in the US. Meanwhile those dying of cancer are denied medical marijuana by gun totin' redneck church people. Big Ernie will get y'all for that.

Hannah Graham's murder is a story that haunts me as a parent. This guy is a serial predator who took advantage of her disoriented state. ALWAYS travel in a pack, even if it's just a pair. And especially when party hopping. My daughter ran with a posse who always had each others' backs as did we as their parents. I was the "bad mom" who let them have bonfires and drink beer before they were legal and I don't regret it to this day because I knew where they were. In my yard having a good time in front of the ancient barn and under the light of the moon. Winter ones are best. I remember one time in particular when they went to a shady part of town in my Mama's old Camry and got pulled over by seven city cops coming back over the tracks. Fortunately the evidence got tossed and there was only the underage tobacco thing and some little hemostat deal that resulted in probation for the whole bunch.

Another time they were partying at Shay's while she was out of town and this cop who had a thing for her busted up in there and that time Anna Banana's parents took care of it. As Nita would say "lerd." The chief got a letter from me on that one. I'm not a lawyer but I know basic rights like warrants and such. These guys had the door not even locked and he just pushed it open and called for backup. Off duty, he was.That little ordeal resulted in Weed and Seed community service with Mr. Schaeffer, mandatory drug education and visits with a very nice juvenile probation officer who was rather amused as their attempts to dilute. And then there was the night the K-9 hotshot in the flashy van pulled Gumby over in my driveway to find that he had a bottle and was about to bury his beloved pretty girl Faith. I was already a hot mess and almost went to jail that time myself. I walked outside to see what's up in my driveway and dude threatened me to get back in the house like he was gonna' shoot me or something. Since I was pretty torn up about Faith dying in my lap I suppose I just snapped. Asshat. There are knockout roses right over her pretty self in the pine grove and a couple of her offspring still sleeping with us.


Thursday, October 23, 2014

american history 101

Unfortunately time didn't allow for a visit with corporate other than the locals which means I scooped up the mayor on my way to the meeting. Daddy paced after about 15 minutes looking anxiously ahead to his next appointment 1.5 hours later so Me, Mozella Mama and Harvey discussed a lot of things about farm history. His research goes back a lot further than what we know but I sense that he wants to know how in the world he ended up with this little piece of paradise. One of the oddest nuggets of that history is that his mother's family donated some land to the Catholic church where a nun lived for many years, right across the road from me. Mr Council would have been here then probably, the old horse man who managed a decade without his wife before we refurbed and moved in. I remember my first night here on the couch watching the maples leaves up front wave in the breeze and glow of the security light. At that moment, I knew I was home.

The dryer is broken and I've got a guy lined up to fix it on the side after his day job. At this point, I'm way too tired to unscrew that panel and repair the start thingy. My neighbor Jenny was out for a walk today when I headed to Mom and Dad's and we chatted through the (thank you lord) window of the Camry about life and hard times. Kids are fine. Terry's dad is about to die and she's just her usual hot mess of a self. Oscar used to be her dog until he got cut and came to live with us. Back then he was Scooter.

There are no pecans to speak of this year so Pennington's won't have that disposable income for their holiday spirit. I was describing the place to a friend and said "it's where I spend the grocery money." If I'm lying I'm dying. Mozella had a nice stand of pastel colored mums right by her driveway and I was amazed. I would give my bad right arm to be able to concentrate on the landscape like that. We talked about Nelson and Margaret and where their house used to be next to homeland security. I dug up a whole bunch of flower bulbs there and they still serve me well. He had a BBQ pit in the ground which is the ultimate in grilling and there was always a party. Margaret's chocolate pie was the best I ever tasted.

More later. Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

left behind

Evidently Ebola has not killed anybody outside of Africa this week so it's all good with America and our priorities which seem to be preserving the King James version of the Bible and the conservative interpretation that sets us back 50 years in the area of human rights, most especially concerning women. The great state of Tennessee has introduced an amendment that would exclude rape as a legal reason to seek early abortion. Prop 2 is about whether or not to allow electing justices of the state supreme court by registered voters vs. political appointment. I know it's Tennessee but geez...give us a break and word the shit where people with marginal brain power can make an educated choice about what's on the ballot. I have always been a faithful believer in the power of the vote but I'm becoming disillusioned with the idiot mentality, most especially in the south where I've spent my entire life. Time for a change.

Mom has had home sessions with her stylist from Angel's Crown Center and the PT guy from home health, plus bath and nurse. She seems to be content at the moment and fending off random verbal assaults for her late in life independence from seeking Daddy's approval for every little movement. I know the feeling, times 5 or 10. One of my friends from back in the day mentioned that she just hated to see me go into meltdown mode because I'm always the strong one. Not so much anymore, dear. Look elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

The past ten years have been a whirlwind of change and decision making. Thus far, I have failed mightily at making any sort of positive move other than beginning a class on small business development and caring for my parents while working my ass off to pay the bills. Some of the problems are due to my own character fact most. Obedience to productivity is never a good choice sanity wise. Unfortunately, most of today's jobs require just that. True story: I went to the DG for soup fixings and was checked out by the most pathetic crackhead I've ever seen. Meanwhile all the middle class folks stopped on the way from here to there and checked out clearance merch. Our former roommate Gumby went on the road finishing concrete slabs for brand new DG stores all over the country. The work was done by Hispanic crews who drank too much and had to be shaken out of bed for the day. And for this they crossd the border?To those of you who want to hate on Robert Reich, Michael Moore,Paul Krugman and HuffPost please save your efforts for folks who will believe in what you do which is more of the same except with #ebolageddon and even more Republicans.

Keep the faith Bernie.