Friday, August 29, 2014

challenge this

Okay, enough with the ice water already. It's not cool after a week, if you know what I mean. Howard Stern was the most ridiculous I saw but then that's his total persona. I remember watching him on late night years ago as a naughty pleasure but now he just looks old. I guess that proves I'm getting there too! Lord knows my body feels it. The shoulder is healing slowly and getting some use but nothing fancy. It will take the remaining two weeks to get it in good enough shape for all day use and even then I'm sure there will be lingering pain. Some guy told me he had his done a year ago and still has trouble to the point of steroid injections. Ugh. My friend volunteered to bring her hubby's truck and help out this weekend with the mountain of garbage out back. I certainly don't have to worry about the grass growing there. There's also an old aluminum storm door but I'm saving that for a covered bed in the spring. Yes I probably will never happen but I'm ready if it does.

So, our top story today is that the POTUS wore a tan suit to a informal speech and immediately got smashed for not being "serious" enough to wear a dark color when discussing ISIS. This kind of fluff makes me want to bang my head against the wall. I'm not his biggest fan as I've stated before, but really? Discuss something besides his wardrobe and the golf course. I agree with my new "friend" Carl that if the GOP entertains even a dream of winning some elections they had better get a'hold of their fractured party. I don't see that happening so, guess who's going to be Madame President? That is, unless the world ends first and the way things are going.....

Poor Joan Rivers had an MI during a screening procedure and my first question to self was :"At her age, why is she even doing that>>>" I had that discussion with my mama not too long ago about "whaddya' gonna do if there's cancer?" Same thing for cardiac testing prior to surgery..what difference does it make? It had to be done and diagnostics are being used way too often as money makers rather than tools to figure something out. Referrals...referrals...referrals. It's what makes healthcare go around and the cost to skyrocket!! When I first began working the hospital billed for EVERYTHING and contracted with providers for their services. Now those services are provided by privately owned and operated companies with their own profit margin to see after. It's just the reality of our day, not my particular place. All hospitals do it because somewhere along the line some government rule maker decided it should be thus and so. Transparency gone wild.

The funniest thing I read today was about this really conservative "save the traditional family" type group is trying to book a convention in Australia and nobody will take them! I would file that one under poetic justice of our modern times. Even small acts of seeming approval for discrimination are not politically popular these days. I was tickled to death to see that Market Basket's CEO got his job back after everybody raised hell with the board of directors. To have that kind of employee loyalty is something most companies only dream about. It is much easier to sit back and do nothing then bitch about the outcome. You people rock!

It's Labor Day weekend, the official last weekend of summer unless you live in Tennessee or thereabouts where summer continues until Thanksgiving. The county fair starts Monday and this weekend the place will be a beehive of activity with people moving in livestock and every other little thing for judging. Proceeds from the sale of my mother's cookbook went to help build the Family Life building.

Over and out from the lane ^j^

Thursday, August 28, 2014

regrets and gratitude

Yes, I am a very slow learner in some ways. The elementary school IQ whiz that was my mind back in the day has turned to mush simply because of trying too hard to figure things out instead of letting them happen as BigErnie intended. Very impatient in many respects yet loyal to a fault. There are few things that I regret in my life even though a lot of it hasn't been fun. I do wish I had waited until later to marry so that I had a clear understanding of who I after therapy. Thirty seems to be the age when a lot of women come into their own and begin advancing in the workplace, all the while managing families. I did it for years and never batted an eye. When the kid was sick, my mom or a babysitter helped out. There were numerous skipped school programs and whatnot, but the sawmill had to come first...or so I thought. My bad. Yes indeed, I would change that because for all of that loyalty there is nothing but a lot of years on the time clock that is my life. An old friend posted some pics from back in the day when he was a high school student training with us. It was pre-BG and we were all just kids with 80s hair and attitudes. He remarked how I had always been an inspiration to him and I was touched because I never knew that. He has recently become re-connected with his estranged daughters and that's a big chunk of gratitude for someone around our age.

I don't regret going to college but I do wish I had branched out more into the healthcare field rather than pigeon holing myself into a corner. My brief forays into palliative care research were a manifestation of that dream. What is truly amazing to me is how dime a dozen MBAs get careers making a lot more money than me and my experience do, yet I don't envy them. Most of my static state of life has been of my own making choosing to stay close to home rather than move into a larger job market. Considering cost of living elsewhere it's probably a wash. My parents are here and most of my friends except for the ones "in my computer" as Lois calls the virtual ones. It's amazing to me how rich my life has become with new friends since I began to blog. I try really hard to be true to myself as a writer but tolerant of the points of view that others hold. I read a piece about how over 40 folks like me put two spaces between sentences and now I'm attempting to unlearn that. Even though it's something an online editor can do, I like to learn new tricks.

I am eternally grateful that I had a quote "normal" childhood that did not involve any sort of abuse or poverty and that I still have both my parents in their 80s. It's a constant challenge, but everybody I knows who has lost theirs says to keep focusing on the good times because you never know when it's gonna' be curtain call time. I was a Sopranos freak back in the day but lost HBO prior to the end of that series. I read an explanation today of what the last episode meant and it was revealed that Tony did indeed die...right in front of his family. It talked about the significance of the diner setting and the members only jacket guy and the sudden shift to black. Truly amazing! This dude even pointed out every red herring in the joint. This show is also where I discovered the talent that is Edie Falco who would later play my favorite opiate addict. I am glad to have had the opportunity to get out of my own head long enough to enjoy this kind of film work. It's kind of like mental aerobics. BG just showed me an example of why folks are going ape shit over police killings and my mouth just dropped open. I can see both sides of that one. As for Kroger, if I see anybody in my local store doing open carry, you have lost my business forever. As much as I hate Wallyhell, I'll buy my shit there.

Over the years I've been blessed by a lot of people and one guy named Clarence (like the angel) gave me a subscription to a really high tech blogging app. I rarely used it, choosing instead to stay with the tried and true. No, I don't really embrace change but I can roll with it. Mom had several visitors yesterday and Daddy will be going again thanks to Mary Lynn. She has been an angel not only to them but to their entire SS class taking on the duties of secretary since she's the youngster. I'm sure she misses her own parents. My shoulder is finally not hurting all the time so there's that thing to be grateful for. I'm not challenging anybody because really? Blessings are in the eye of the beholder. All you grammar nazis out there count the number of times I did the double space!

Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

what would you do?

The WWJD fad with the bracelets was going wide open when BG was a teenager yet she never wore one, nor did I. I certainly don't feel the need to broadcast the fact that I'm a Christian because in this day and time it's a hazardous occupation. My faith is a quiet one, full of rage at social injustice and believing in miracles. Why else would Jesus save people were it not for the love of one universal God. That seems to be where the problem comes in with today's society. The Bible is a book written thousands of years ago on the walls of caves and transcribed ad infinitum until now. Anytime you "republish" with an interpretation to suit your own agenda? It's definitely not what J would do. This is precisely what is happening with our government today. Because of intolerance to other people's belief systems the radical right has taken over the "family values" sector by attempting to overturn a law that went into effect 40 years ago. Get a grip people. Prior to all that women died in doctor's offices or worse getting illegal abortions. Prohibition doesn't work...period, whether you're discussing a substance or a service. There will always be a black market. That's not even mentioning the fact that the Koch brothers own the world and we're just sitting here acting like that. This country was founded on the principles of freedom to believe whatever. That's why we left merry old England and killed all the Native Americans who fed our forefathers that winter.

I am so simple it's ridiculous. Treat me right and give me a reason to keep going and I'll be there if at all possible. This past month I've watched a whole bunch of sunrises and sunsets with no reason to do anything but enjoy. All that will change in three weeks when I'm back to the sawmill for more life saving adventures. That I spent about a week of my recovery there with my mother is beside the point. She is being cared for properly now and I can rest easy. Daddy just called to tell me that their angel Mary Lynn is picking him up for a visit and clothes drop off. Now there's exactly what Jesus would do.

Here's the thing...intolerance of any kind for lifestyle or religious beliefs is wrong and only adds fuel to the police state. I have lived long enough to know that we have a current generation of not just black people but a whole helluva' lot of people who don't know what it's like to be persecuted because they've been coddled. Racial profiling is not just a problem for them, if you know what I mean. I remember following 9/11 when peaceful Muslims living in this country were the victims of hatred because of misunderstanding about the fact that the ones doing the damage are extremists who can't be beaten on their home turf. Dear POTUS: leave that shit alone and enjoy your vacay. Fortunately I've gotten past the anger that I held for the politicians (including Dems) who voted to fund a multi-year Halliburton conflict for just that. I'm looking ahead for positive things like Elizabeth Warren and paying things forward. It's not all bad..that's the MSM painting a picture of horror. Random acts of kindness..that's what's up.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

the snowball effect

It's dangerously hot and humid around here which is why I'm not going anywhere that I don't have to. Even then, I'm worn out by the time I get home. I've had surgery several times before and bounced back pretty quickly, but I was nowhere near 60 then. I looked at some more EOBs yesterday to see how much I owe for my surgery and it's looking like a pretty big chunk already. There will be payment plans and auto-deductions for sure. Maybe when the arm gets well I can sort through the "treasures" up in here and sell some more. I have absolutely no reason to own an entire set of Noritake china. Seriously. Hopefully that will keep the wolf from the door until I can get this "complicated" financial situation under control. I rode the snowball one time all the way to BK court.

I have some really strange looking lesions on my skin that I must get checked out by my friend the derm doctor. That would be before I go back to see the surgeon again. I'm ashamed to say how long it's been since I visited a dentist but I'm a faithful brusher even when tired and sick. Blogging has been the highlight of my days though it was kinda' fun to run across a Breaking Bad marathon and get to see the entire cast glow in all their Emmy glory last night. The rocker hasn't been used much but I've about got it arranged where it will be my go-to spot.

Mama is working hard at therapy and having a nice time chatting with her roommate. Daddy is busy arranging transportation for all his needs which includes visits to the home. She's hard to catch because they keep the patients busy most of the time. One of the therapists there was once a co-worker at the sawmill and she takes the most amazing photographs in her spare time. We chatted during my visit the other day and it was good to touch base. Both of her daughters are co-workers as well. Another friend's mom is just a few doors down and I met her the other day as well. Sweet.As.Pie.

There's a funny smell in the air that I can only assume comes from farm chemicals wafting my way. I will be so excited to have this corn GONE for the year and I pray for beans and wheat next season. I went to the attic this morning for the first time in forever looking for some papers. There is so much up there that needs to be chunked, but it's not near as bad as it used to be. My hobby for the past few years has been going through the history of an entire family and sorting into piles what to keep and share. Technically I'm not a hoarder because it all has value I just have no venue for selling it. Too lazy for EBay and not nearly organized enough. When I realized today that I didn't have my current W2 or my parents' insurance policies, I was forced into trudging up there in the heat. God bless all ya'll who work where it's hot because I wouldn't last 30 minutes.

The Today show has been one of my favorite things about being able to finally watch TV and this morning they were all about the Emmy awards and everybody wanted to sit on Al's couch for an interview. I know that the market demands that they get paid like that but damn. I only saw one little sliver of Kevin Spacey's face and wish I had Netflix just for that. More and more often cable networks are outperforming the MSM lotso'- ads kind of stuff and I'm glad I lived to see it. Lionsgate and HBO are companies that have always had my heart. My favs like Modern Family and BB were honored "heavily" and I couldn't be happier. It's quite obvious that I'm still in a fantasy world, if you know what I mean. I really never did want to grow up and be a responsible adult, even though I've played the part for many years.

Now for today's shameless pimp-out: My friend Joe Robinsmith has started a cheesecake business in Canada and has been posting his creations and crowdsourcing festivals to get it off the ground. This is one of the two guys who have had my back the ENTIRE time I've been a blogger and I wish only the best for him. Check him out and friend him on my FB page. He doesn't ship yet but could use the support! As for Drew, love you too and mean it. He sells genuine cast iron cookware himself. Shannon, Idgie, Mahala and all those others have their own little stores so why not me? I've always been a procrastinator (shut.up.) and totally missed out on the high times of Etsy. My pictures are scattered around in boxes and on drives and there is very little organization there. Now that the house is clean maybe I can put BG on that task! That is when she's not busy driving Miss Poopie.

Peace and love. Adopt a a tightass politician out of office or serve at a soup kitchen. Do something for Christ's sake. It is only with action that peace can be accomplished. And it's what Jesus would do.


Monday, August 25, 2014

dance in the graveyard

Like many folks I have spent a fair amount of time considering how I would like for my life to be remembered when I'm gone. I've spent so many years attending funerals with piped in sacred music that I know for a fact that's not how I wanna' go. I am a member of a local church so I suppose that pastor would have to do the honors even though he doesn't know me from Adam. Come to think of it though, it doesn't even have to be a formal "minister" and I believe I have a couple of friends who know me well enough and are spiritual enough to carry things forward. Over the years my picks for preacher and pallbearers and songs have changed a lot, mostly because I plan to be cremated. With that in mind I can picture an informal gathering of loved ones gathering on the bluff behind the dairy barn and slinging those ashes in the wind all over the farm and back to dust. I'm pretty sure one single pallbearer could handle a box of ash.

Mourning is something that all of God's creatures do in some form or fashion. Most of the time when you speak of grieving a loss it seems to involve a specific person. In actuality, we are all in a constant state of change and grief as life giveth and taketh away. I've mourned for parents not yet gone but who depend on me to be safe. My heart aches over betrayals and the loss of certain truths. When I entered therapy at the age of 32 I remember vividly Bev bringing out a discussion on me being with my grandmother as she died a few years earlier. Her words were "Sometimes grandmas hang around for a long time." The stages of grief were proposed by EK Ross the wise and wonderful author of many books and programs outlining humanity. Denial.Anger.Bargaining.Acceptance are terms that are now used in most every grief support setting. Something that I have noticed for myself is that the process is much more manageable when the loss is not sudden. In that case, the process starts long before the loss actually happens as we adapt to each day's new reality. In any case, it seems that about four years is the span after which it's not such a heavy burden for me personally. This is why experts advise not to make any major financial decisions following the death of a family member. Pain can overtake common sense, if you know what I mean. My mother the brilliant one began a grief support group at our church many years ago. That was one of the many ministries in which she was involved. She and a group of others began delivering homebound communion to shut-in members. Now, she is a recipient. The unbroken circle of being a caring loving soul.

Two weeks from tomorrow I will turn 59 which is just a skip away from SIXTY...Lord, how did that happen? Here's how. I was born the eldest daughter of Billy and Janice on September 9, 1955. Growing up in the country was both a bane and blessing for me but I sure as heck did hightail it back out here when I got the chance. My daughter was 4 years old then and we were five years prior to divorce #1. She grew and flourished as the only child and grandchild around. Things got dark for her at an early age which I never realized until much later. I worked, he worked, we played when we had time. There were a couple of family beach vacations to Gulf Shores before it got blown away. We ran with people who had kids her age and partied when there was time. We divorced again when she was a senior in high school.

Eleven years later I am a single "middle" aged gal with a huge chunk of debt and no boyfriend. That is probably a lot of my own doing because I want one when I want one but then I want him to go away when I need alone time which is often. You would think there'd be a huge demand for that kind of relationship considering guys and their space issues. You got a man cave? I say yay for you AND your woman. I haven't lived alone for more than six months at a time in my entire life. My four puppy dogs keep me in real good company and don't cheat on me! I am slowly recovering from an injury that happened in February of this year. It has not been fun and I realize now that my body is feeling its' age and can't do what it used to. That's a loss right there but I'm learning to adapt and grow in other ways. I pray that I don't lose my sight like Mama did because then how could I blog?

I'm pretty sure there's an app for that. Peace and love ^j^

Sunday, August 24, 2014

reality sets in

I've been pretty much in a cave for the past month which has involved sleeping 12 hours a day and allowing my body to heal itself. It's about time for the next step which will be MRF release to help loosen up everything that got cut. It's very gentle and not the type thing at all that will make you sore or sorry. Excellent pain relief, and something that I will need as I begin to learn how to use the right arm again. I have three weeks to get that done to where I can go back to work sans lifting. That takes about six months or so I believe. This whole mama and the broken leg deal has sort of thrown my recovery for a loop and I still remember hanging the sling over that ER bedrail two weeks post-op listening to her cry from the pain of a spiral fracture of the femur. There was surgery, a rod and screw and several harrowing days in intensive care as her fragile body fought once again to live. She is more content now that I've seen her in eons and much safer to boot. Daddy brought me some candy bars yesterday as his excuse for a visit and we had to sit inside because the heat index was about 110. Ugh and ugh.

My brother and his family are at the beach which is something I won't see for a long time,dammit. There's been a large rattler of an earthquake in CA which is nothing new. I figure the New Madrid is probably gonna' act up soon because of all the commercial activity up there in Lake County at the giant port. Rails are being installed and soon there will be acres of containers of "things" to be delivered who knows where. For all of the economic prosperity that this project promised, I've seen little in my little corner of the world. Earlier this year I was at the point where I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but it went dark on me before I could even buy a new outfit. Since I've been sick I have splurged on the convenience of carry out food from high price places a couple of times but other than that? I've been wearing the hair shirt, so to speak. Daddy sat in mama's old recliner and I was cross-legged on my bed and we chatted about his "schedule." Why in the world he loves the news is beyond me because it's all bad but it keeps him entertained.

What I read this morning was that the asshat Beatle wannabe' jihadists who killed Foley have been identified and are ready to do their thing again if there is no ransom paid. Also in #ferguson there are more details coming out about shooters and shootees now that the dust has settled a bit. I hear that open carry black panther type groups are taking to the street to defend themselves from militarized police action and all I can think of is "Jesus wept." Put down the damn guns and talk across the table like intelligent folks. Meet in the middle. Is that so hard??? Evidently it is for extremists of any sort.

Elizabeth Warren has announced (for the 98th time) that she will not run for POTUS in spite of the fact that a PAC is raising money for just that. Her honorable self has already legally disclaimed any involvement with the group. Transparency is the name of the game sister.

The big news here is that it's almost Dyer County Fair week which always happens around my birthday. I worked the gates as a teenager and college student and it was a huge deal even then with it all laid out next to the cemetery. Every kid in the county and then some brings their arts and crafts in for competition as well as fresh flowers, canned food hogs and sheep. There is a karaoke championship and a talent show plus several beauty reviews. I haven't been since BG was old enough to NOT want to go.

Who's ready for fall? You know this gal is!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

hell freezes over

I was still a regular at the kudzu bar when that album came out and we played the heck out of it on the jukebox. "Get Over It" became my theme song but none of the local karaoke folks had it yet. When we went out of town for a birthday party and ended up in a bar one late night, they did have it and that was my debut in front of a bunch of drunks that didn't know me. Perfect timing! I later did that one and a couple of Bonnie Raitt tunes at the Kudzu bar which was my karaoke swan song. There was always way too much talent up in there for me to feel secure.

Man, is it hot..and the humidity is so bad I can't see past the ancient windows dripping with sweat. I just got off the phone from a head check with mom over at the home and she's good. Weekends are not the usual rush rush there because there is no physical therapy so you're pretty much on your own which, for her, means listening to books on tape and chatting with her friends all around the country on the handy dandy Jitterbug. She has a nice roommate so that helps as well. Daddy is doing EXCELLENT except for the fact that she's not there for him to recite his timeline to. That's when he calls me or loads up on the gator for a visit. Yes, indeed. We are a village.

With Congress on vacay and the POTUS playing golf (for which he has received a whole boatload of hell) things are at a dull roar in the political arena. The Westboro bunch is headed over to picket ISIS which I think is a brilliant idea in all respects if they can scratch up plane fare to Syria. Somehow I doubt with their combined intelligence they could raise enough to get to the airport. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders are still picking up steam which tickles me to death of course.

One of my oldest friends just came by with a get well present and we talked at the kitchen table about life love and the Cardinals while Boogs and Shannah did laundry. Never a dull moment around here, I'm just saying. I'm back in the sling for awhile after discovering that it's nice to not have the sound of velcro popping with every move but it hurts when you don't use it. And speak of the devil, daddy just rolled in on the gator in 100 degree temps and is now walking to the mailbox for me. I am blessed.

Keep the faith and call your mother ^j^