Wednesday, June 29, 2016

tiff's corner

Some of you may remember Tiffany's tragic death at the intersection of Samaria Bend and Highway 51 business.  She weighed about 90 pounds soaking wet and when she hit the ditch the airbags just smacked the life out of her.  Her family and friends were numb and established a little memorial right there where her tire marks stayed in the mud all winter.  There was a ceramic angel whose wings got broken and I picked her up out of the mud more than one time.  Today when I made the turn her sister Jennifer was there pulling weeds and straightening up.  We chatted for a minute and she told me that a lot of people keep her memory alive in that spot.  Often when I'm on the 412 I see little crosses in remembrance of someone who died there.  It makes me wonder who they were.

There's a clump of Queen Ann's lace playing hide and seek on the lane and I keep looking for it driving real slow so I can dig it up before it gets mowed.  Little things like that show me that I'm coming up out of the hole slowly.  Three hundred sixty five days ago at midnight I got the call from my frantic mother that Daddy had asked to ambulance transport due to severe abdominal pain.  I spent the night in ER with him and clocked in at six as usual.  Except that was the beginning of the end of life as we knew it.  

He had a strangulated hernia with small bowel involvement which is bad enough in and of itself.  Once they got pain meds in him, it got free.  The surgery to repair that turned into something nobody expected which was an infected repair including mesh on the opposite side.  Oh.My.Lord.  They did what they could surgically and sent him to the rehab with a wound vac planning on  surgery at a later date.  He spent his last birthday there and had a little party with the staff and mom and BG.  As usual, I bricked for some reason or another.  A week or so later I noticed he was not in very good shape so here we went back to the hospital for another surgery....this time a big one.  

The infected mesh had perforated his colon and that was discovered by a very astute nurse   post-op.   It took HOURS to fix the mess adding anesthesia to some just a few weeks prior.  He didn't stand a chance against the breathing problems and infection to come.  After a week in ICCU with our personal angels, the decision was made to move to hospice care.   The last time I saw him alive he was struggling to talk through the mask and told me he wanted to die.  That's all it took.  He was out after that, and not struggling or in pain.  Two days later he died peacefully at the sawmill.  

We tricked Mama into thinking she was there when it happened which was quite important to her personally so no harm done.  Our network called and went into motion and all went as planned.  His funeral was at the church that he loved and where he stubbornly climbed the steps to the choir loft even when he would fall out and get caught by somebody close by.  These very same church folk called me four months later to say that Mama actually did fall because her hip broke.  Lerd.

My extensive experience with the eldercare system should be of some value but it's not becuase most of it is about the money instead of enhancing life.  So is everything else, but that's beside the point.   I have no apology to give to my Democratic friends who see a vote for Bernie as a vote for Trump.  I don't care for either one of them and will vote my principles.   They'll never miss me and I can bitch because I voted!!!

Carry on ~

Tuesday, June 28, 2016


I was out and about at the gentral this morning when Lorna called and left a message that she's on an idea roll.  She and I are similar in many ways and we have saved the world ten times over by phone and message over the years.  Her son is a local businessman who is about to put a quite progressive business in place right smack in the corner of town where things are looking up.  That would be "down by the river" so to speak.  Coworking is all about space sharing, networking and dreaming with a purpose.  I'm in and so is she.

I ran into Tripp's pop pop at the gentral and he caught me up on all things Kimo.  She and her mother could sell a refrigerator to a polar bear, just saying.  Kimo slings pools for her Dad's family business and Kim works for the local paper.  Tripp is 8 and a baseball all star.  Kimowasi is one of the girls who has been a part of my kid group since day one.

Mamye is on the way over for a visit since I'm off for the day.  I love it when folks come here instead of me having to get out!  Another old friend is coming by later to pick up a stained glass piece he lusted after two years ago during the first big sale.  It's the only large piece I ever made and it's been in a lot of different homes over the years.  KY cousin helped me construct it in her building on a Newbern corner.  That's where Jimbo worked before her.

Being organized with a purpose is really about being free.  If your life stuff is in order and you keep moving forward God will take care of the rest.

Peace out ~

Monday, June 27, 2016

weather and whatnot

It's monsoon day once again and the entire western part of Tennessee us covered with it.  If the NEW modem gets fried I'll just take it as a sign that I'm not supposed to have one.  The storms were not forecast to start until about now but there was a pile of rain ahead of the thunder and lightning and green looking sky.  My bigass window is the perfect place to see the show from this hill.  Even the corn can't block out the sky!!

I am already so separated from today that I didn't have a clue who the guy was who just called me from a Memphis number.  It was the dude who works on our pneumatic tube system and I had left him a message but we figured the whole thing out the hard way by the time he got free.  Learning curve, no doubt.  I got soaked walking to my car and then froze on the way home but I'm off tomorrow so I'll take it.  

I keep looking for last summer's snake to float down the driveway yet totems come around in different forms.  Last night at dusk I was sitting on the porch in my free company chair and noticed a flash of bright red settling in the flower bed beside me.  "Hey daddy!" I said.  He comes to me that way often and I never fail to recognize it.  The man loved his birds and always had houses for every local species.  He was particularly fond of purple martins.

I don't know, nor do I care, how the whole Brexit thing is going to work out.  We have our own fish to fry here and things need a bit of attention.  I did notice our company stock dropped out but so did everything else including the pound.  As Doris would say "It's just a big old gol' darn mess."So this is the part where we become willing to turn out lives over to a higher power.  Doesn't matter who or what it is as long as we understand it's not our circus except for showing up and making wise decisions.   That includes a whole lot of self care.

Let go ~

Sunday, June 26, 2016

she who sleeps with dogs

Will find ticks in the oddest places.  I am constantly running my hands over skin and head just to be sure.  Today I  pulled one off my head.  They're all little bitty and don't bother us unless it comes a rain.  I should probably start using Seven dust for hairspray.  I'm sitting here in a rather reflective mood in wonder at how my mental state suffers without the opportunity to connect with others on my issues.  I's there I'm just always working.  I have visitors often now which is a good thing.  That has been the motivation to get the house clean.  BG will freakin' die when she sees how neat it is.  Well,,,,,,,not neat just yet.  But a helluva' lot better!!

I went to Gigi's ex-pool yesterday to visit with she and Gena.  Bear came by to check on us and it was obvious that she still has some unpacking to do but it looks like home.  A 30 minute soak in bleach never hurt anybody.  I didn't last long because I'm still not in shape for much sun and it was hot as hades.  My friend Bobby Dean was supposed to come by and I was about to go to bed when he showed up with a couple of friends so we shot the shit awhile.  Needless to say I was a bit sleepy at the sawmill today.  I heard a bunch of shooting so either there was a shootout with the law or those guys shot their guns in the driveway.  Yeah...after we hads THAT conversation.  Heh.

I have a prediction to make if Trump gets elected which is looking less and less possible by the day.  He will, of course, declare that we are separate as well and proceed to destroy what's left of our economy.  He will piss off China and Mexico royally and undo all diplomatic relational good that has been accomplished.  China will call in the debt and put the NOK army on us and there you go.  WWIII.   Meanwhile, a wall is being built which would serve to keep people from entering our country from the South.  If that's what you want to do, fine.  Start on X day and put an immigration process in place that is doable.  Leave alon ( please.dear.god.) all those who have fled the violence of those countries and found work as illegals raising families and slinging guacamole.  I mean that with all my heart.  It has been common practice forever to make it hard to become a citizen so you might as well just work on a visa and send your money back home.  It's ridiculous.  Europe is where the big immigration problem is and going all Brexit isn't going to help that.

I have come to believe that a power higher than myself will restore me to sanity if only I let it happen in God's time.

Saturday, June 25, 2016


The new modem came yesterday and right off the bat I discovered that I had thrown away the phone cord not realizing I still had to have it.  HOWEVER no more bright yellow Ethernet cable snaking around and a lot fewer cords to trip over.  I'm now totally mobile as long as there's wifi available where I go.  Which is most everywhere these days!!  The lady at the ATT store told me I didn't need the pricier "hot spot" since most of what I do is at home.  I thought that was nice of her because I'm an easy target when it comes to services and their use to me personally.  It's a learning curve and I'm a few years behind.  I do know you can't use your phone for a hot spot for very long unless you have a very large data package, which I do.  Since BG has been off her phone the usage has plummeted. 

I was really looking forward to sleeping in but noooooo.  Lily started with her crap about six so it was useless to try.  I had to wait for the 'gentral to open to get garbage bags and phone line so I stopped by the busy gas station next door for breakfast where the usual group of men hunkered over a table discussing life.  One of them is our constable and even has his own car.  He served me with a warrant one time from Capitol One. That was my one and only time to be served and I immediately called my friend Mark and asked him to meet me in court which he did.  This is the very same guy who served as a pallbearer for both of my parents.  What a good friend.  There was a beautiful red vintage car on a trailer outside the store and everybody who came in asked about it.  Dude was sitting there in the huddle and said he was taking it to the shop to work on it.....whenever he got motivated.  Heh.

The corn is full blown now, obscuring my view of most everything.  I see all kinds of critters coming in and out of the rows from my vantage point on the potty.  Yesterday I thought there was a chicken which made me think that one of Beverly's girls got loose but she said they were put up so I don't know where this bird came from.  The raccoons are everywhere and tear open any bag of garbage around plus the sack of thistle seed.  I'm an animal lover but those guys and possums give me the creeps.  And of course, Mr. Snake.

I have so much to be thankful for.  The family that I have left is true blue and always there for me.  Our little tribe has been through so much loss together recently and we are still grieving.  Sometimes little memories surface of my parents that bring tears, but more often than not I share stories with others who remember them fondly and can laugh along with me.  Annie and I were discussing Mama's non-compliance with wakeup time at the home and how mad it made her when they tried to get her up at 6:30.  This woman never even thought about getting up before 10 until she left the cabin.  They finally struck a truce with she dining on Bubba's weekly groceries in the comfort of her own room. 

One of my "kids" is coming by for a visit today, a guy who was a fixture around here back in the day.  His family is long gone from the burg but he still comes around now and then to see old friends.   The house is somewhat presentable now even though you have to find your own chair for the "round table" that's really oblong.  ONE of these days, I'll have a living room/office worthy of visitors.  Maybe by Christmas, ya think?

Creativity ~

Friday, June 24, 2016


I reached out to a co-worker today for an EDO which means a mental health day.  Lord willing that will be tomorrow.  I did a different job today that requires a lot of patient contact and actually enjoyed it until my feet got tired from running for two hours. I know, I'm getting old!  Nothing like cross training to ensure job security.  Well, I can think of a few exceptions and my friend Liz is one of them.  Employee of the year is shopping for health insurance post job elimination.  The EMR has been a mandate for some time now and the old school method of waiting for doctors to come in and sign off on charts is over.  All of it is done electronically now, which isn't a bad thing at all.  Much more efficient. 

Lily is trolling a table and knocking shit off because I'm otherwise occupied and have only fed her twice since I got home.  Plus she's mad because BG is gone.  Surely we can manage a home visit soon.  If not she's liable to pull the blinds down.  She sleeps with the dogs on occasion now which is new.  I'll wander through and find one or three of them stretched out for a nap on Lauren's bed. 

My life coaches are staying in touch with positive vibes and that's always good to have the warriors in your posse.  I'm not real sure what the whole global economic crash is about so there's no opinion there except to say that Wall Street is the devil.  How many times do we bail these asshats out and allow the little people to lose everything they have invested?  I feel sure the royals will do right by Britain. 

BG and I talk in snippets as rules allow.  She is content with life yet seems restless for the next chapter.  Girl....I know the feeling.  I think part of my funk has been letting go of the familiar routine that was established while I still had responsibility for my parents.  It was chaotic and tiring and filled with moments that I will remember forever.  Like the time I ran over Daddy's foot at the funeral home.  UCMTSU.  Right Dewey?

My friends Rachel and Dycus floated the Forked Deer from Roellen down toward the farmer's market last weekend. It was opening day for the market and I remembered the time that John Ruskey came to show them the way and the trash lining our mighty little river.  He camped out in  my front yard following a practice run with Jim Stark.  That was before downtown Dyersburg was a thing, dontcha' know?  He told me Pecan Lane reminded him of France.  His cave got flooded this year which has never happened on that scale since he's been in the biz.  There are outposts now at Helena and other points along the Big Muddy.  Sounds like a movement to me.  His dugout canoe carried lots of locals along the water that serves our county. 

That's all for now.  Leaving room for the spirit to work.

Thursday, June 23, 2016


As days go, I didn't get nearly enough things marked off my list but I did have lunch with a lovely rep from Jackson's Lifeline Blood Services.  I got 40cents gas off at Bubba's plae and headed toward Tim Castellaw Ford/Toyota where I was lazily greeted by a 19 year old.  My situation is, as we all know, complicated and my attorney has made it clear that the trustee won't even listen to me unless there are numbers in front of him.  The end. Dealers don't like to deal with all this because it's a hassle but Liz says it happens all the time.  Therefore I felt not much obligation to tarry there and went straight to Deere law.  Now I understand.  My credit score is decent and I have a steady job.  What's the freakin' problem.  Of course the other shoe could drop just any day.

Brandi and I talked about Joe's coming retirement and how he and Patti got here from there which was Saudi Arabia at some royal hospital blood bank.  We shook our heads and brainstormed over the low donation totals at the Dyersburg Electric monthly drive.  What used to bring in over a hundred units has turned into 20.  Both of my parents served the local volunteer program for years and Daddy was the one who put the sign out every week plus gave 8 gallons of O neg..  I've attended a kazillion drives and donor banquets where those who took the time to give were honored by their hometown board. That's what's up y'all.

I also visited my friendly ATT rep who gave me the numbe for modem replacement.  Fo free!  It was only 6 months old.  As for the Dell we shall haul it to Chris and let them salvage the hard drive.  Maybe.  There's always Picasa and Facebook.  Keeping on the sunny side bitches.  Lorna and I talked at length about another to do list that I have posted for daily view.  Plus Didi turned me onto a daily meditation app from Hazelden.  I'm scared in many ways, but not nearly in the same way as before.  Now I turn to God and reach out to others when the pain gets to be too much.  I am carefully considering my options which are become more plentifulwhich is always a good thing.  I'm thinking today's message may be just that!

Don't stop believing ~ Steve Perry