Friday, November 27, 2015

dead skunk in the middle of the road

I've been dodging one for almost a week but the hawks have pretty much cleaned up.  Last night I went to the cabin to look for Christmas ornaments and immediately got sidetracked with all the stuff upstairs.  There is a LIVE skunk under the porch there and Oscar must have pissed him off because it smelled like Cheech and Chong up in Daddy's old office.

So, I'm tickled to death to not be at Black Friday events anywhere but here at Pecan Lane.  The estimated rent increase just for windows and doors is 150 bucks so it looks like paint will have to wait.  I'm barely on my feet and can't take on much more.  That improvement should help with heating and cooling costs.  Hopefully.  Maybe.  We'll see.  It blows my mind to think about how much I've spent in 28 years to live here and I have nothing to show for it.  I will be the one who goes looking for somebody to take me in after retirement!  I can probably qualify for low income housing then.

William the washer guy is busy so no service call until Tuesday.  Meanwhile, Exceed sat wireless failed to inform their installer that mine was cancelled so he showed up in the 'burg.  Sorry.  Also not in the budget.  FedEx ( and everybody else ) can't find the address here because the owner changed the name of the road and evidently I'm off the grid.  They always call when they can't locate.  Hopefully the laptop will be delivered today.

There are messes to clean and piles to sort so I'm outta here to see what can be accomplished in one day off.  Keep the faith kids.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

give thanks

I have this tune stuck in my head from church that starts with "give thanks to the lord above..." and I want to hear it but it's not in the hymnal and who knows who wrote it.  I remember hearing the choir perform it when  we returned to the fold as a family for something or other with BG in tow.  Our family had been separated and we were ( against all odds ) together church, no less.  Our spiritual upbringings couldn't have been more different with he as a walkaway from the wrath of God and me the faithful one believing in love and forgiveness.  In his eyes, he couldn't  allow himself to worship while he was still "sinning".  I never really understood that philosophy other than a way to avoid the whole thing.  I've been in and out of love with the church proper all my life, but never stopped believing in the goodness of humanity.  It is what makes the hellish dialogue that is our daily life worth struggling for.

Chicago is and always has been a tough town.  I cannot imagine being in law enforcement anywhere that big and crime ridden.  With that being said, I will tell you that if the work situation is so out of control that something like that tape I saw can happen, somebody needs EAP.  The officer in question had been reprimanded time after time for bullying incidents but no official action was ever taken.  Now, granted the tape was blurry and I didn't see the knife, only when dude shot his ass more than once on the ground.  And the talking heads say "this shit can be altered."  Alrighty then.  I guess that's why it took so long for it to be released ( without sound ) and viewed by the general public like me.  I'm sure he had a knife and was waving it around like they said.  He was running like a scalded dog when they cornered him  and probably way high. fill in the blanks.

We had a brief but enjoyable lunch at the home out of a Cracker Barrel box and the leftovers are in the frig.  Beats the hell out of cooking for a day.  Here there and everywhere people are gathered with their family du jour for a meal and some happy thoughts, well.  Except for the ones with drunk GOP uncles!  T and I had a three way convo with Peyton yesterday while I sought advice on wifi.  I am seriously glad we talked because I was about to make a HUGE mistake with a sat company.  Contracts are for the birds.

Somewhere in late spring of this year I could see that my ship was sinking and I needed relief.  That's when I visited BAD with the law dog and got my train on the right track.  There will be 5 years to pay and I might die before then but hopefully the court won't take my life insurance from BG.  She'll need that to move to Fiji and spread my ashes.  We are world weary around here to say the least and, at this point, just going through the motions.  Sometimes though, that's the best thing to do.

Keep on believing, no matter what.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

tears of thanksgiving

I received an unexpected call from Joe the monument guy today telling me that Daddy's stone was in place so I cruised by after work for a look-see.  The front side is standard but the back holds his bronze VA plaque and it is beautiful.  Mom has been so worried about him out there with no marker other than the tiny grinning picture and my ratty little flag.  It's been easy to find him lately because I know about where and there's dirt with no grass.  That will change next year, and I will have to memorize the location.  It's all ready for Mama whenever her time comes which shouldn't be soon because she's been kind of "sprunty".  That's a word she made up to describe feeling a bit cocky.  Her sadness comes and goes but not nearly as frequently as before, and she is adapting to a new home and routine.

Evidently a lot of people are taking four days off ( not me ) and it's one of the busiest travel days of the year. Once again, my day consisted of putting out fires with blood and blood products.   Sickness knows no holiday and I've been doing it for 38 years.  HOWEVER...I'd be seriously pissed if I were a retail worker and had to clock in.and sell jojos or blue light specials.

My turkey and dressing will be picked up, delivered to the home and enjoyed by our little tribe in Mama's room.  Bubba makes sure she has plenty of plates and whatnot so thankyouverymuch people who gave me Cracker Barrel cards when Daddy died.  We shall dine thankfully on your generosity.  Bubba and Lauren are off and I plan to join them during my lunch time.  Depending on workflow, of course.  If the gods don't work with me, they can bring us a plate.

I am barreling down toward the regular income I had prior to the summer so I'm trying to spend wisely like on health items and electronics.  BG has been dreaming about her own daddy, still lost in the grief that is unique to being a young woman suddenly without her biggest cheerleader.  I try, but I have boundaries.  He never did and that makes what they had a very special bond.  She has learned things from him that I could never teach like commitment and purpose and devotion to sobriety.

I say we stay out of the whole Turkey/Russia thing and save our strategy for ISIS.  Babysteps, y'all.  Terrorism comes in many forms and they can't all be just stomped out like a stray fire.  There is organization and passion and generations of hatred woven into the actions of terrorists, and that includes the white home grown ones here in the USA.

I passed my neighbor's mother being hauled on a trailer by her daughter-in-law on a four wheeler.  She had a little plastic bag and had been picking up a few pecans, which is about all we have this year.  She even invited me to eat with them!  These people definitely get a cake.

Gobble gobble ~

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

the girl who knew too much

We are minus some folks up at the sawmill because um..times are tough all over.  With that being said, I did enjoy our conversation this morning regarding blood utilization.  Because, well it's been my life for a lot of years.  I just about croaked when I saw that Russian plane get shot down.  It's been a lot of years since things were, as they say, precarious worldwide.  It's pretty much a (insert your favorite race) fire drill at this point.  Yeah that one...the one your first grade teacher taught you to fear with order!  I'm not saying I don't trust Putin...I really kind of do.  We just need to make wise moves in forming alliances because the ultimate goal is to get rid of terrorism.  Right?  No more dead people..right?

Do not dare get your pompous Republican asses up in my face and say no to refugees from Syria when you have failed the least of these who already live here.  Our entire state is a financial and operational hub for corporate healthcare with a UT homeboy as mascot.  And now United is dropping the ACA so there's that.  Don't even get me started on Trump.  Hospitals are dying on the vine because they are forced to treat bullshit urgent care type of stuff just to make money.  In a CYA sort of way, that doesn't make much sense.  Most people don't know enough about the system to even begin to think about lawyering up.  I was a part of a team that investigated a suit many years ago and I almost got fired for crying.  It was me and Bossfriend against the entire surgery department and we were like lambs to the lions because actually?  That's what true risk management consists of.  The ability to say I messed up, I'm sorry and let's move on and make this a better place!  

Some days I actually think it will happen.  Today was one of those.


Monday, November 23, 2015

never never land

I've never been very daring when it comes to life choices.  If it's gonna' cause drama, I pretty much avoid it these days.  My friend and fellow bitch Shannon is pitching for ideas for a good yet inexpensive gift for a 21-23 year old male.  I suggested, as you guessed it.  Beer!  This woman has her hands full with more drama than any one mama should be able to take yet she still manages to crack me up on a daily basis.  There's something comforting about a friend you can call bitch as a compliment.

Ryder's puppy Maggie has been out romping lately with her daddy and BG visited with them today. They pretty much stay on that side of the golf course as if they know where home base is.  Ryder's death was yet another loss that preceded most of the human ones and it hurt just as much.  It was, however, a real joy pimping those pups.  They were born in cold weather under the floor of our barn and didn't come out for a month.  Then all of a sudden there were 9 in the flower bed tromping through mud and hearts.  That's how blessings come from tragedy.  The people that I met and bonded with and who showed compassion to me during that time are angels.

This will be our second Thanksgiving but first Christmas away from the homestead.  Mr. Administrator says no home visits for six months plus it's all scattered with stuff memorabilia and whatnot, just waiting to be explored on a snowy day.  The plan is to move the log cabin up the hill to sit on the bluff behind the dairy barn.  That way crops are not working around it and she gets to sit at the point with the most beauty of any on this farm.  My the time all is said and done, there will be a compound right here on the lane.   My new best friend is the painter named Salvador.  Nothing happens until January which is fine because I'm about to get broke.  I spent the last of what money I had left from my "inheritance" on a laptop, tablet and wireless.  If I am to ever get ahead, I need the right tools.

With that being said, I'm thankful that isis got the shit bombed out of their oil trucks, that Bernie is gaining steam and that Trump will more than likely being the butt of many more memes.  That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.  If karma will have it, I might just get to have a voice at the sawmill.  Stay tuned.

Humility ~

Sunday, November 22, 2015

let's go krogering!

We've been pretty much eating out because the things we have in-house require too much prep and there's no dishwasher.  Thus, the joy of finger foods.  Taking my time and fully expecting to see my brother I went light except for the ingredients for the famous triple fudge chocolate cakes that shall be made soon.  I'll start with 4 and see how that goes.  We did, indeed, meet up in the meat department where we discussed our Thanksgiving plan among other things.  Everybody is scurrying around scooping up what they need to avoid another trip.  Wore my old ass out!  I saw old friends there and they looked as tired as me and Bubba.  Hell...everybody's tired.  Enough with the drama.

Mama was getting dressed when I stopped by and we chose an outfit from among her many, with an eye on the freezing temperature.  No wind though, so it's good.  Over the past five years I've seen her be rushed out the door to a church service way too early for her.  Lots of "spells" over that kind of bullying.  But here's the thing.  Daddy could not help what happened to his brain.  Dementia, particularly chemically induced like his, comes in a lot of different shapes.  His was OCD and control.

Mom has always been the peacemaker..a buffer between her fear of confrontation and Daddy's rage.  He softened after BG was born and they had so many good times together when she was little.  LP, he called her.  And none other than Max and Sally started that nickname.  My neighbor has her mother living there plus a house full of cousins.   She gave me a ride to pick up the Cadi and we discovered that we, too, have ties to the past.  Funny how that works sometimes.

As for you FB trolls, just know that I'm past being mad and am now just sad but you don't scare me or even make me think.  Cut and paste rants are a coward's way out when a real discussion is  in progress.  That means you TOz and also CAE.  At some point in dialogue when one side strikes out at "the other", nobody really has a chance to be in the middle.  Do y'all not see how that works???  A gentleman from long ago offered to bury one in my honor this week.  I thought that was mighty sweet.

So...I'm still letting Anonymous get my interest when I should know better by now.  If the big outlets don't run your news, it's not been fact checked or it's just plain dangerous.  That being said, anybody who is out at major crowd type events any freakin' where right now better be prepared to run.  Just saying.  That's why you'll find me here on Pecan Lane with my tribe.

Love ~

Saturday, November 21, 2015


I am such a faithful writer blog addict that I come up in here everyday on Mama's keyboard with the fat yellow squares and pour my innermost thoughts out to the world.  Forgetting that I do that makes it sort of funny when I tell a story in person and somebody says "I know" and I'm like "How?"  Duh.  There's my sign.  Over the years and three different sites I have done everything from type in caps ( scream ) to weave stories from my own experiences.  Very little of it is made up because, well.  You just CAN't make that shit up sometimes.  My neighbor dropped me off to pick up the Cadi this morning and I discovered that she is originally from here.  What a small world.  I wrote a check to Patterson Brothers that equals a month's worth of rent after windows and paint.  And she is chilling in the back in front of the old barn.

So now Brussels is getting interesting in a smart sort of way where the government just shuts the whole thing down and tells everybody to stay home.   I can't wait to see what kind of shitstorm happens in this country if it comes to that.  Hey..sometimes you gotta' do what's necessary to figure out who the bad guys are.  Meanwhile the refugees are stuck in Europe because our states are refusing them.  On top of all that, Al Q is not dead and they're jealous of all the attention ISIS is getting so they're acting up.

We started watching Amy Schumer do standup comedy on cable eons ago.  I had forgotten how damn funny she is until BG got Trainwreck which also features a couple of SNL favorites.  Not everybody gets her kind of humor, but I totally do.  Most people will tell you that I march to a different drummer and I wear that like a badge of honor.  Not to be "different" or difficult but to be who I am inside the old soul that is the Poopster.  It's rainy, cold and dark and this house is dimly lit.   Time for some candles and a seance I suppose.  Anything to keep the faith, you know.

Humor ~