Monday, September 15, 2014

start the car

Jude Cole was a not so huge hit that I loved for just one or two songs back in the day. Same thing for Jonny Lang. Lie To Me was and always will be one that just makes me wanna' shout. Once my friend took me to a concert in Tunica where Jonny opened for Buddy Guy. Talk about your bluesfest! The casinos there are always hosting musical guests to attract business and a lot of times the tickets are comped as was the case with us. Not there we're high rollers or anything, but I know somebody who is.

My myofascial release session went long today because Gay knows the bitch is giving me fits and I have to go back to work. Her exposure has increased dramatically lately which is amazing because I was one of her first and only clients for a very long time. She treated me for free because I have a "big mouth." What??? MFR treatments are especially cool for post-op patients because of the gentle stretching techniques and long holds. If you imagine every cell in your body being held together by fascia and think about how it gets all bunched up and injured, the whole concept makes perfect sense. All I know is that it helps me. ALOT.

We had a "team meeting" at the home today about Mom's next few weeks and the options were laid out as clearly as they can be in a healthcare setting. She is informed of the choices and it's her job is done for this day. After that I pushed her chair up to the beauty shop so she could get her hair did and there will be therapy this afternoon. All in a day's work for a lot of folks. Once again I say to all of you who work with patients and their families thank you for being so kind. For the ones who aren't, just know that I can easily find your boss's number and that could be your own loved one being dealt with. Make it real 'cuz Big Ernie is watching.

A severe something alert just beeped on my phone so I reckon we've got boomers on the way. The other night we got several inches of rain and spots like Frayser in Memphis looked ready to float. That was once a thriving bedroom of community and now it's mostly poverty and gangs. Time marches on as they say. My youngest brother and I are both fiercely loyal to the concepts of freedom and common good and both of us just kind of said "meh" about the whole damn world. Maybe it it's all just rigged and our vote doesn't count. It certainly doesn't seem that way.

The way I see it this is a time of reckoning in which we have opportunities to meet half-way and compromise on things instead of killing each other and the earth. Well, unless the NRA has anything to do with it! God is so good in so many ways that I know he's just shaking his head at us idiots running around chasing golden calves. Just bless all our hearts. And keep the faith.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

talk to the hand

I just got off the phone with brother concerning our expectations for the next two (cash paid) weeks of Mama's care and we have two goals which are the ability to get from chair to potty or bed with minimal assistance. That's about all Daddy can offer. If that doesn't happen we move to plan B. The emotional roller coaster is quite tiring for everybody concerned. Daddy and I ate at eggs'n'doughnuts silently savoring the loaded hashbrowns and Skinny. The TV overhead was announcing the story of the latest ISIS beheading of an aid worker and I lost my appetite for all of it. Should've just gotten a caramel long john instead. After that,of course, we had to stop by the DQ for dilly bars before we checked in at the home. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as I watched them coyly try to catch up with me standing in the door like the invisible kid. They do so love each other in spite of all the bickering. I talked with their HH social worker the other day and she has discharged him from their care because he finally got the message that she'd keep coming around bugging him unless he played nice. Cindy will be retiring soon and head up north to spend time with her family.

I go back on Thursday. To say I don't want it is an understatement because I feel like this entire 7 weeks has been a clusterfuck. Maybe doing lab tests will give me enough structure to get out of my own head and back in the game of life. I feel like a spectator and have tne entire time. This old gal don't take well to infirmity which is something I reckon I took after both parents. My dear friend Cathy B was so afraid before I got cut that I'd be out doing something stupid like clearing a fence row or some such. I'm doing good at this point to get my hair and the dishes washed. It was quite cool this morning but warmed up quickly so that by the time I picked Daddy up at church he shed the jacket. I even saw a cute pair of leggings on a way too big butt up at the chicken and gas store. It's almost hoodie time in Tennessee!

UT got a whipping on the road yesterday so there's that to ponder if you care...I certainly don't. Somewhere in some psych textbook there is an obscure name for the condition of being the only girl of a football fanatic father. Let's call it the Poopie syndrome, shall we? Mostly it consists of a strong dislike of any type of sport whether it's golf or football or tennis. I do love roundball but only at the high school and college levels. After that they start beating their wives and shit.

I just tore a gash in my knee on a plastic tub full of winter clothes so I suppose it's a sign to get offa' my ass and do something besides taptaptap. I did go out yesterday and get some beautiful shots of the farm to add to our collection of Pecan Lane. Hopefully the corn shelling will be quick and painless and once again I can see the chicken cross the road.

More later....

Saturday, September 13, 2014

icing on the cake

Well HELL my birthday week ended up with a bang and the accusation by my father that I'm trying to "send mama off somewhere." Holy freakin' moly! As you may or may not know I've spent the past five weeks acting as advocate during her latest healthcare mishap that started with a bad leg fracture, surgery and several days in ICU. Touch and go, if you will. She went...and moved to a room for a couple before going to the skilled nursing home for rehab. Eight weeks non-weight bearing of which 30 days is paid for at that particular place. Hmm. So we started researching another facility that would be paid for by their insurance supplement but it's an hour away. I've been playing phone tag with them all week trying to get a consult set up and it's on for Monday. The decision is a financial one that she must make because it's her $$ and her life. Once again, thank you sweet baby jeebus that she has those options. I finally had to tell her that when she cries all the time it makes us feel like we're doing the wrong things with her care. Daddy came off of it after my brother explained it all AGAIN and now he's just sad. I would be too I reckon.

I have never actually blocked or unfriended anybody on FB before choosing instead to just unfollow so as not to hurt feelings and whatnot. Most folks are respectful when it comes to differing political views and such so it has to be something pretty deep to piss me off. That has happened (for the 2nd time) and I am not amused. End of story. BG just filled me in on recent happenings with a young mother that we know and I cannot imagine what it's like to live with that kind of drama constantly hanging in the air. Thank you for THAT as well Big Ernie. My own personal brand of drama is quite enough.

Unless the class folks take installments that looks like it's out of the question as well. I'll show up and ask, because it never hurts to! I feel like I've done a Master's level thesis on geriatric care during the past five years which should serve me well as an advocate for others. My organic gardening friend Lorna is working on how to market her super duper methods of sustainable agriculture which is a topic that is very popular these days. It will be interesting to see how all of this shapes up.

The cold front has dropped temps by about 15-20 degrees and left an autumnal chill in the air. Ryan did my yard for the last time yesterday and chopped the asparagus off for me with a weedeater so it will be easier to compost. The house is manageable now with a clear path and somewhat organized piles of treasure. I see a huge sale coming on. The sacks of books that weren't bought will be donated to the library, never to enter this house again. Downsizing...that's what's up.

Peace out ^j^

Friday, September 12, 2014

against the wind

Most of the time, that's how I feel about trudging onward when adversity comes to stay for a spell. My entire sick leave has been spent sleeping and multitasking. There are certain behaviors which I must own in order to get past, and I'm working on that. Still, I am perpetually surprised at the capacity of some to smack a girl when she's down. Me and Big Ernie had a chat about it earlier and he told me to let him have it. It's cooler now and the sun should come out tomorrow (tomorrow!tomorrow!)if the weather person is correct.

The loan check did finally arrive yesterday 7 days after the postmark and I was tickled to see the cute mailman pull up in the yard to deliver it EXCEPT...he had me sign for a registered letter from the IRS reminding them that I still owe then 900 bucks and some change. I say take it out of the salaries of Congress and we'll call it even. The GOP won again yesterday with their unanimous defeat (by filibuster, of course) of Common Cause. I hear a lot of bullshit about how the Dems get all their PAC money from labor organizers so what's the difference, they say. ONE HELLUVA lot asshats! I read a piece yesterday by Michael Moore who is not to happy with our POTUS right now that said, in effect, that perhaps bin Laden won after all. This is what I say about ISIS and that whole argument: Drone the holy shit out of 'em but no more boots on the ground kind of crap. It never ends well, if you know what I mean. One more life lost because of these idiots would be too many.

Just like clockwork, my duties as a case manager for Mom have kicked in and I'm fielding calls from a teary woman who got told she might go to a town an hour away. We specifically did not tell her prior to the evaluation because of the way she worries and frets over every little thing. Somebody spilled the beans this morning without giving us a heads up so there you go. I explained it all in a calm voice giving objective options A and B and the price of each. The rest is up to she and Daddy. BG just went to Hastings to try and sell some of these bazillion books and they only bought four at a whopping price of 4.75 in store credit. So much for that idea! I guess it's time to crank up the antique sale once again. You can't take it with you.

I've cried every day for a week over one thing or another and sometimes multiples. I watched the memorial video from the DHS Class of '74 and sobbed all the way through. Lots of deceased schoolmates. I'm a tender hearted soul anyways and all it takes is a day without a happy pill to send me into the ugly cry. I have five days between me and real life and I'm not feeling real prepared. On the other hand, maybe a routine will be better than a 24/7 piddle and nap fest. We shall see. There is a dog bed that laid in the flower bed for six months and I pulled it out and cleaned it. Now all four of them take turns napping at the "special spot" in my bedroom floor. The other three guessed it. On MY bed.

My brother,daughter,mother,father and I have just finished a conference call of sorts on mama's "situation" and there's a lot of angst and drama floating around not to mention self pity and fear. I'm just sittin' here saying "ohmmmm" and taking deep breaths.

Ya'll help me keep the faith ^j^

Thursday, September 11, 2014

lest we forget

I had intended to post a piece that I originally wrote in the days following 9/11 and decided against it. Why? I'm not really sure. Maybe it just didn't seem "enough" to just remember the day that our security changed forever in a blinding crash of aircraft on metal. It is obvious that the jihadists carefully planned for YEARS under our radar how to hit the country where it hurts. I have no doubt in my mind that the third plane was headed for DC and that those passengers and crew are heroes. The response was immediate and fierce once the shock wore off. It took days, weeks, months and years to piece together the lives that were affected that day. Ironically the one that I was chosen to write about by DC Roe was a former Goldman Sachs guy who had been put in charge of the Port Authority. This man was kind of a poster boy for what they hate about us...western ways and wealth. It was eerie researching the life of a dead person but I learned a lot about what a highly educated and devoted family man he was and felt like he was my friend. There are images burned on all of our brains from that terrible time. The one that sticks out in my mind most is of the weary firefighters carrying their beloved chaplain out lifeless. Another thing I distinctly remember is the outpouring of people wanting to give blood when there were no survivors to receive it. Where are all these folks when they can donate every 56 days? A ton of blood got wasted because it wasn't needed.

Between then and now we have lost a whole bunch of soldiers to death and PTSD and have not treated them very well when they came home. For a veteran to have to survive on food stamps and not receive care from the VA is a telling sign of what our governments thinks of those who served in a war that will never be won. Our military response to that day of horror was misplaced and poorly fought because of a timid approach that seemed "politically correct." It could have all been done quickly and with a lot less bloodshed. Sadaam Hussein and Osama are gone but there are generations of fighters who hold the same beliefs. We will not change that no matter how hard we try. That our country is buddying up with Saudi Arabia does not bring much comfort at all. They do that sword on the neck thing too and never bat an eye.

They say that the lessons you need to learn most are the ones that keep coming around and I can totally agree with that in my life. There is a story in recovery circles about a man who kept walking into the same hole every time he passed it until one day he walked AROUND the hole. There's a lot of perspective on life up in there. It makes me uncomfortable to think how stuck on the almighty dollar everybody is even now while most of us are struggling. Capitalism? Imperialism? Republic? I don't give a rat's ass what you call it, the little guy always loses because most of the financial sector is manipulated by politicians or those who pander to them. I'm not a wizard with finance, but I don't blow a lot of money either because I work too hard for it. My arm is still sore and I'm pretty sure it's gonna' stay that way so I might as well get used to it and pass the naproxen. I'm about to line up every bill from here to the kitchen and throw a dart to see who gets paid.

I was awakened this morning by what looked like a local call so I took it and she asked to speak to BG. Since she's waiting on a call to start work, I passed it on to her and it was a freakin' bill collector for Verizon which she hasn't used in over 5 years. How appropriate on the day after Net Neutrality awareness. She and daddy are going to see Mom this afternoon and attempt to explain what's going on with her care status. I just don't have it in me anymore and it's her decision ultimately because it is a financial one. Once again, I am thankful that she at least has options.

The sun is trying to peek but won't have much of a chance as the cold front eases southward. It rained hard all night which was great for sleeping and even kept the dogs inside. I finally gave up on hauling the garbage and burned it in the driveway but there's a mess of aluminum out there to scoop into trash bags. The rain put out fires in both front and back last night. The yard will get mowed one more time and be left alone 'til next May. And our trek toward autumn continues.

Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

yes i can

I've already started giving myself daily pep talks now that I'm one week away from real life smacking me in the face. As if on cue, I'm waking up a bit earlier each day so that by next Thursday hopefully I'll hop out of bed bright eyed at 5AM. Let's hold that thought. My class starts Tuesday and I'm looking forward to meeting other movers and shakers in the area to discuss business and what we have to offer in West Tennessee. I've been googling out the wazoo if you know what I mean. My sincere hope is that these folks will light a fire under my procrastinating ass because I know I've got it in me.

BG cooked an absolutely to-die-for birthday dinner of steak and shrimp parm with cream cheese and herbed mashed 'taters plus corn AND crescent rolls. We always have corn and get told about it the next day by diverticulosis. The devil's food bundt cake had REECE's cups in it! There were flowers and presents and lots of good family time with Boogs and his bunch. I can honestly say that I felt the love. We're heading into a stormy few days here on the hill and there's always a hot humid wind blowing our way which always spells thunderstorms. I've been on the phone this morning with a couple of people who know about eldercare options and one guy who works for a government agency which I shall not name was quite rude and dismissive. The other was a helpful young lady employed at a rehab facility. Guess which one cares more about the client? Today is when net neutrality is front and center seeking an awareness of the fact that without internet access we are all pretty screwed, Facebook notwithstanding. It looks to me like (she says in Emily Latella voice) that we could just all share the interwebs and get along. Well except for that pesky provider profit deal, it would work. Never mind.

Now that I'm one year closer to 60 I feel an even greater urgency to define the rest of my life as something that will leave a mark. Looking back on the history that was my growing up and coming of age I see an early trend of civil disobedience with which I have had a friendship for most of my years. My moral compass is pretty rigid and the few times that I've strayed from what I know to be good and true I suffered for it. My ex-husband told BG not too long ago to just "do the next right thing" in her life which is a pretty good rule to live by. It's kind of like a paying-it-forward sort of philosophy. Remember, it's all small stuff unless your ass is in a crack or there's an ISIS warrior with a sword over your head.

We have somewhat of a plan going on here with the Mom situation which shall remain to be seen prior to Tuesday. I'm glad I know which questions to ask because it's such a complicated maze of benefit co-ordination that no elder could possibly make decisions unless they are broken down to the simple level of pick A or B. That $$ is a factor seems unacceptable to me but whatever. I am their advocate along with my brothers and my daughter and we will do the next right thing.


Tuesday, September 9, 2014


The buzz around West Tennessee is that the body of Holly Bobo has more than likely been located after a multi-year search which has resulted in the arrest of 4 people so far. That was BEFORE they found the body, by the way. Communities around here are very tight knit and there has been a grass roots effort to find out what happened that day when she was forcibly drug away from her home. It does not bring her back but does serve somehow as a reminder that if you don't give up justice will happen. I could say the same about the efforts to uncover the killer of a woman here named Karen Swift but that doesn't seem to be happening. Ditto for the guy who was found by the river. I have a healthy respect for law enforcement while also realizing that it can be rife with small town politics.

So it's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to. Sitting here looking at all the personal birthday wishes on FB is humbling in and of itself. Add to that the fact that I'm currently working on my mother's "case" because her insurance benefits for the home run out next week and you have a hot mess of Poopie. Even with all my contacts, it can be frustrating to say the least. My parents are fortunate to have what they have but it can go in a heartbeat when providing care at two different places. As "they" say, it's complicated. I've only cruised the news so far but it sounds like Citizens United will get another look. Praise sweet baby jeebus! One of my conservative friends promised no trolling my demolibtard posts on my birthday which I thought was pretty special. It's the little things, ya' know?

Me and the dogs watched the super harvest moon move across the sky last night and it was spectacular to see as the shadows moved through lace curtains. The corn shelling has commenced so there's that to breathe for another month before I can get off benadryl. Singulair is a must have all year round because of the fur babies and hundred year old house. And then there's Queen Lily, the damned bitch of a cat who gets in a mood and drops a pile just for spite. On towels!!! Kitteh' is gonna' find her ass outside if she doesn't play nice.

One of the things that I had planned to do while off was work on continuing education which I must have to keep my state license. Many states don't require certification for lab folks choosing to hire based on ASCP certification. I pay $50 a year for the privilege of working....well, more if you count the gas! As I sit here I'm doing chair yoga and stretching trying to get that "trapped" nerve in my neck loose. MFR in the coming days should help. That bitch feels like she's in a mood again.

Love ya....mean it ^j^