Thursday, October 23, 2014

american history 101

Unfortunately time didn't allow for a visit with corporate other than the locals which means I scooped up the mayor on my way to the meeting. Daddy paced after about 15 minutes looking anxiously ahead to his next appointment 1.5 hours later so Me, Mozella Mama and Harvey discussed a lot of things about farm history. His research goes back a lot further than what we know but I sense that he wants to know how in the world he ended up with this little piece of paradise. One of the oddest nuggets of that history is that his mother's family donated some land to the Catholic church where a nun lived for many years, right across the road from me. Mr Council would have been here then probably, the old horse man who managed a decade without his wife before we refurbed and moved in. I remember my first night here on the couch watching the maples leaves up front wave in the breeze and glow of the security light. At that moment, I knew I was home.

The dryer is broken and I've got a guy lined up to fix it on the side after his day job. At this point, I'm way too tired to unscrew that panel and repair the start thingy. My neighbor Jenny was out for a walk today when I headed to Mom and Dad's and we chatted through the (thank you lord) window of the Camry about life and hard times. Kids are fine. Terry's dad is about to die and she's just her usual hot mess of a self. Oscar used to be her dog until he got cut and came to live with us. Back then he was Scooter.

There are no pecans to speak of this year so Pennington's won't have that disposable income for their holiday spirit. I was describing the place to a friend and said "it's where I spend the grocery money." If I'm lying I'm dying. Mozella had a nice stand of pastel colored mums right by her driveway and I was amazed. I would give my bad right arm to be able to concentrate on the landscape like that. We talked about Nelson and Margaret and where their house used to be next to homeland security. I dug up a whole bunch of flower bulbs there and they still serve me well. He had a BBQ pit in the ground which is the ultimate in grilling and there was always a party. Margaret's chocolate pie was the best I ever tasted.

More later. Keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

left behind

Evidently Ebola has not killed anybody outside of Africa this week so it's all good with America and our priorities which seem to be preserving the King James version of the Bible and the conservative interpretation that sets us back 50 years in the area of human rights, most especially concerning women. The great state of Tennessee has introduced an amendment that would exclude rape as a legal reason to seek early abortion. Prop 2 is about whether or not to allow electing justices of the state supreme court by registered voters vs. political appointment. I know it's Tennessee but geez...give us a break and word the shit where people with marginal brain power can make an educated choice about what's on the ballot. I have always been a faithful believer in the power of the vote but I'm becoming disillusioned with the idiot mentality, most especially in the south where I've spent my entire life. Time for a change.

Mom has had home sessions with her stylist from Angel's Crown Center and the PT guy from home health, plus bath and nurse. She seems to be content at the moment and fending off random verbal assaults for her late in life independence from seeking Daddy's approval for every little movement. I know the feeling, times 5 or 10. One of my friends from back in the day mentioned that she just hated to see me go into meltdown mode because I'm always the strong one. Not so much anymore, dear. Look elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

The past ten years have been a whirlwind of change and decision making. Thus far, I have failed mightily at making any sort of positive move other than beginning a class on small business development and caring for my parents while working my ass off to pay the bills. Some of the problems are due to my own character fact most. Obedience to productivity is never a good choice sanity wise. Unfortunately, most of today's jobs require just that. True story: I went to the DG for soup fixings and was checked out by the most pathetic crackhead I've ever seen. Meanwhile all the middle class folks stopped on the way from here to there and checked out clearance merch. Our former roommate Gumby went on the road finishing concrete slabs for brand new DG stores all over the country. The work was done by Hispanic crews who drank too much and had to be shaken out of bed for the day. And for this they crossd the border?To those of you who want to hate on Robert Reich, Michael Moore,Paul Krugman and HuffPost please save your efforts for folks who will believe in what you do which is more of the same except with #ebolageddon and even more Republicans.

Keep the faith Bernie.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

set the puppies free

The sawmill was busy busy today and I was still hobbling from my increased physical activity of late so I was pretty whooped by the time I got out and over to the park where I enjoyed a nice visit with my old friend Kathleen. Her father still lives here and she's on a business trip so it was a good time for her to touch base with all us old-timers. Right before I headed into some IT training BG called wailing that somebody had dropped two random pups at the end of our lane, obviously not litter mates but looking well fed. Seeing as how our canine count varies from 4 to 5 whether Gizmo is visiting, I told her in my sternest reality voice to take them to the shelter. She brought 'em home anyway and tried to call for a pickup but nobody answered and when she showed up it was obvious why. There were all manner of people up in there bringing dogs and cats in for obvious euthanasia unless they win the lottery and get "picked." One of my biggest pet peeves is people who PAY for pets when there are so many out there needing homes. My favorite rescue story is that of the notorious Circle K who was my Christmas present from Yaya one year. She found him half frozen and hit by a car and took him to the rubber plant where she and a coworker pooled resources to board him for a week at the vet's office. Then she gave him to me and he did nothing but walk circles around the house for three months. That was a mercy killing if I ever saw one. But hey...we tried!

As it turns out, the heavy equipment I saw yesterday was none other than the gravel guy finishing up a job he started six months ago. Just like a silly girl, I ran out there asking if he could scoop my out of hand pile of trash and half burned stuff and haul it off. "I can't do that but I can sure dig a hole to put it in and cover it!" Y'all should have seen me slinging bags with my bad shoulder. I just hope the EPA doesn't read Pecan Lane is all. Dude even helped me scoop shit into boxes. My hero du jour.

As my friend and I watched leaves and acorns fall all around us, we talked about our parents and kids and friends. She is , like me, not one to embrace a competitive lifestyle but a healthy one. That is precisely why she looks about 40 in our selfie and I just look tired. Our parents are members of the Sellers Class and she was headed to her dad's house to make pizza for more family and friends. I couldn't find her at the park but she found me, chatting with BG about the poor soon to be dead puppies. Jeez.

Today is class day and my butt is so tired that I couldn't sit at a conference table for three hours if my life depended on it. The beauty of this curriculum is that if you do homework, it all kind of flows even if you don't make every session. I have already identified three or four talents that could be used to enhance my "quality of life'...maybe not monetarily, but they will give me goals to work toward in making a difference. Because really? That's what it's all about.

Carry on and keep the faith ^j^

Monday, October 20, 2014

monday bloody monday

Whatever happens to the GMO corn stubble involving a bulldozer looking thing is happening right outside the windows of Casa Poops. Gotta' get that wheat planted, right? Life has turned into such a fast paced race that it's nice to just slow down and notice something as small as that. Maybe the dust won't be too brutal but I've got an extra AC filter just in case. It's chilly in this old house but a far cry from anywhere NEAR cranking up the heat and giving another TVA exec his bonus. I owe propane guy a whole lot less than last year and the one before so maybe our budget plan will keep cook stove fired up and enough central to keep the pipes from freezing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Otherwise, there is lots of dead wood to burn.

My office is so dark that it can be depressing at times. The northwest windows are painted shut and so smutty you can't see the beauty right outside. If I was a dreamer there would be one big bay window and a seat right under it. Hey...maybe I can build that out of barnwood! Shellye is the cutest thing you ever saw who came to work with us and promptly had a babygirl who wears giant hairbows in every single pic. She has some fence wood for me with details to be shared at a later date. I love it when that happens.

I've talked with several friends today and my parents who seem to be playing nice. A nice shower and physical therapy will work wonders for a woman's mood, if you know what I mean. As long as Daddy can watch Bonanza on time, it's all good. My friend is in Memphis with HER mother trying to keep things straight with heart issues so they can head back to Lake County. Many many times extended illnesses and transfers are the ways that the elderly spend their last days. That's where the magic of "do no harm" comes in. And after that? Make somebody's day.

Back in the day we collected samples for paternity testing when it was done only by blood draws. I took a side job with the local child service agency drawing these specimens in the back of some obscure downtown office. Once I did it in a lawyer's conference room and another time in the dentist's office. Now DNA testing for paternity is performed on a buccal swab. DNA don't lie kids so let's not fry anybody else unless that's been used as a tool for investigation. Just saying.

Tomorrow looks full and I like that. Keep the faith ^j^

Sunday, October 19, 2014

flight of the baby boomer

I am by no means in this parent thing alone, and most of us are struggling to care for our elders while still tied to kids who can't afford to be on their own due to the shitty economy and job market. BG is a dishwasher/everything gal at a local restaurant and gets less than 40 hours a week at minimum wage but "it's a job." That's our mantra! I'm up to my eyeballs with loan sharks but we're trying to fix this mess together. All one can do is the next right thing. For me that included staying with Mom while Daddy went to church this morning. She was sleeping like the dead until I started rambling through the junk room upstairs (where the big window fan used to be) and chunking empty boxes. I swear there were about FIFTY empty light bulb packages thrown in there on top of the whole mess. I ended up with three boxes full of burnables and promptly lit them on top of my fire pile out front, in spite of the fact that Mama said not to "because it's against the law." Okay then.

I called to check in last night and could tell she had been crying so I asked what was wrong and then heard him yelling in the background about her being on the phone with her childhood friend and I knew what was up. I asked her if she wanted me to come down there or she come up here to which she replied "Just leave me along Janie!." Hmmm. This morning it was like nothing ever happened with either of them. This is why I don't move in with them because they simply won't have it. Proud, independent and disabled they still are determined to care for each other within those walls. She's doing well with a walker and will pick up speed once she loses the brace which is worrying the fire out of her because the velcro is worn out. And of course I forgot to pick up daddy's allergy extract again because, hey. There's only one of me.

I made Jenny's day at eggs and doughnuts by telling her that the cheesy hash browns she cooked for me were the best I'd ever had. I had to move away from omelettes because they're pretty dang hard on the old gut. The place was literally crawling with people when we got there and barely managed to snag a table next to a bunch of well mannered kids and their parents. The owner's daughter is a student in healthcare and we often chat about what's up in the hospital world. Her specialty is muscles and how they work.

Tomorrow is another Monday which now just seems to morph into another and another with weekends and days off flying by in a whirlwind of activity. As bad as I'd like a Sugardaddy, I don't think I could squeeze him in right now. I keep dreaming about the beach in Destin as if I'll ever get there again and it makes me sad. This whole Ebola deal has turned into hysteria with a capital H and while I can understand how non-healthcare folks would be alarmed it's all in a day's work for those of us who are on the front lines. I read a piece about how a couple of companies spent millions of $$ from the NIH to develop a vaccine and the money ran out a couple of years ago. In my opinion, the process to have a drug or vaccine developed and approved is one of the biggest obstacles to public health safety. And who's in charge of that? You guessed it...the feds.

I was involved in an incident recently where someone had an adverse reaction to something they really didn't need and almost died. So much of medicine today is CYA by over ordering diagnostics and meds. I wonder how Marcus Welby made it without all that technology. I barely remember doctors making house calls when I was a child but I never got one. I was born in the Baird Brewer hospital that would later serve as my grandmother's real estate business and doctor's offices. There was one of those old timey elevators that looked like a cage and an old guy named Herman ran it up and down the three floors. Daddy's USDA office was in the basement next to a beauty shop. A new hospital opened in 1958 and I've worked there for 37 years.

So, how's y'all's mama'n'them?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

let it be

It is a gorgeous fall day and I'm gazing at blue skies and orangey leaves until my eyes can't take any more. Except for that one glorious day in early May when all the flowers are blooming at once, this is my favorite time. Mother Earth is putting forth the harvest even if it is all industrialized, and new growth is already set. The cycles amaze me, even after all these years. My Daddy's funeral song request is "Hymn of Promise" about the bulb and flower and whatnot. As a farmer he has been keenly aware of weather conditions during his entire life and how they can crush a dream in a heartbeat. I was a farmer's daughter before country was cool...just saying.

I had an opportunity to chat with someone yesterday in private about issues past and it was nice to be one on one instead of hanging on the grapevine. It's my new MO and as it turns out is much less stressful than ten way communication. You can see honesty by looking someone in the eye if you know them well enough. Finally all those junior college psych courses have paid off. Well, that and five years of therapy. I think it's time again.

Our beans are late and just now turning yellow because of the wheat harvest delay. They sure make a pretty picture before they get dried up. The shadows are breathtaking around here what with all the trees and fields. Part of my new outlook on life (heh) is to do my very best to make amends to those who have helped a girl out. I could never repay the dollar amount, but I can sure as hell give it back in service or love. Our current dilemma involves some shady moves to get the electric bill paid (thanks for the rate hike TVA) and not lose the Cadillac to an engine explosion. A '95 Cadi must have oil changes for that huge ass motor.

Mom made it through the night by herself with BG on the couch nearby. When I checked in an hour ago she was still snoozing and about to see home health. This woman is determined to make it work there and daddy be damned if he won't play nice. He missed her enough during the past 8 weeks that one would ASSUME he would welcome his bride and not be an ass to his daughter. When donkeys fly, as they say.


Friday, October 17, 2014

let us pray

I took off about fifteen minutes early today from the sawmill to pick Mama up for the ride home. Of course the equipment wasn't there because nobody communicates about these things, most especially when everybody is overworked and underpaid. It's totally wrong that our government is broke and cuts benefits to people who have worked all their lives and done the mandatory IRS thing. Especially veterans. It won't be long until nobody will remember Hitler and JFK and MLK and LBJ and Tricky Dick and remind all of us that it's hell in a handbasket and our country signed up for it a lot of years ago when there were battles to be fought on foreign soil that might make an impact on injustice. The entire Desert Storm Iraqi Afghan deal was about Halliburton and the evil that comes from raping Mother Earth. Our country sent those vets home to a jobless market with no retirement. Many suffered from PTSD and more, as they signed up in America's response to 9/11. I followed Michael Yon all through those years and he didn't have a worry about Ebola...only IEDs. If anything good comes out of all this hysteria it might be that the bosses in the healthcare industry might put profit aside and share resources. It happens all the time...really!

Mama is weak and weary and quite nervous about being there with nobody but Daddy to rely on so the plan is that BG will spend the night and keep watch over that sleeping angel in the three-quarter antique bed with short legs. I thought me and Daddy were gonna' fight over the location of the toilet chair I picked up, and I should totally know better. It's his kingdom and I'm just a stupid girl. One thing I know for sure is this: My sweet Mama needs to be waited on and he's not capable. I'll keep y'all posted. She sleeps in a room that was formerly hers and Daddy's, then the den and now her haven if she will just lay down and be still. Honestly I think it was the den twice. One of my favorite pictures is of me and my brothers all piled up looking cute in our PJs on their bed. Gotta run 'cuz there's an awesome sunset coming on.