Monday, January 22, 2018

let it go

Like many folk of all political persuasions, I am choosing to step back from the fray and watch people turn on each other.  The polarization of citizens in this country is at its' worst and there is nothing to be gained by the "i'm right, you're wrong" mentality.  I am a political blend which could mostly be described as a conservative liberal.  The things that I believe in like equality, social justice and womens' rights are held close to my heart.  I try super hard not to be judgemental or react even when somebody acts out.  Jesus doesn't like that in case you haven't checked the Bible lately.  If you are anti-abortion and pro death penalty,  I really don't think you get the "thou shalt not kill" commandment but I respect your opinion.  That's what freedom of speech is about.  

The bottom line is that we are are held captive by bi-partisan politics because independent candidates don't have a chance to raise the money and grease the palms of those who make things happen.  Remember when Mr. Smith went to Washington?  I was raised in a staunchly Republican family and parted ways with them politically during the Vietnam war.  I appreciate the service of those who lost their lives, went missing or came back to boos and hisses.  I can't stand Jane Fonda except in Grace and Frankie.  I grew up in an era where the courthouse and everywhere else had separate bathrooms for "colored people."  My school was segregated until I was in the 5th grade.  Even as a teenager, we had no prom because there was that pesky racial mixing thing.  

I realize that we have produced two generations of people who don't have to work because the system feeds them with out tax dollars.  Most of them can and won't.  But there is a flip side to that.  Minimum wage is so low that nobody can afford day care plus their benefits get cut out if they Do work.  Oh you have a job?  No food stamps for you.  Never mind that the bulk of your pay goes toward transportation and housing.  The CHIP program that is being thrown around is an honest to God necessity to ensure the health of our children. If we were single payer, this would not be an "entitlement" but something that everybody gets.  Wellness should be free.  I've been in the biz long enough to tell you for a fact that most end stage disease could have been prevented with early intervention on simple things like glucose levels,  kidney function and vitals.  Education is key.  

Those of us who see how the healthcare system is broken still try our best.  We are the ones who take the time to stop and ask about your mama'nthem or hold the elevator door and smile.  We cry when we lose you and cheeer when you get better.  If I could do it pro-bono and survive, I'd be a happy camper.  

There is healing in the universe and we have to be still and quiet  to feel it.  Life is never that way so....developing a routine of meditation and quiet even if just for a short period is a healthy preventive measure.  Centering down, as the Quakers say.

I don't trust the government(s) or mean people and sometimes not even myself.  But I always try to do the next right thing ^j^

Sunday, January 21, 2018


I seem to be at that in between place....on the one hand  realizing that my body is sending me signals of chronic pain and on the other?  My stubborn resistance to retain mobility.  Mornings are the worst.  It takes a good two hours to get that thing in motion.  I have sparingly used the traditional medications used to treat pain.  My homeopathic advisers have given me a list of holistic medicines that might work better.  

I enjoyed a long conversation with a high school friend this morning who is also a healthcare professional.  We traded stories about getting beat up by patients.  She sounded about as tired as me PLUS has the flu.  

I am impressed with the shift of yesterday's march from pussy grabbing to get your ass out there and vote.  If you don't?  Don't bitch about it.  Mamye is on the way with provisions so I'm sure we'll have some quality time before kickoff by which time she will be firmly planted in front of her TV.  

Not me buddy .

Saturday, January 20, 2018

sweet dreams

I woke up this morning halfway expecting Reaves and Lauren to be in my bed.  They visited for a short while last night and we played until Reaves got fussy because it was already past her bedtime so she and I laid down and cuddled in the dark after Lauren did the butt whacking magic.  For a short while we were entwined, the three of us, just enjoying the snuggles with each of us holding on to the other.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  

I have tried most everything for pain so I followed the suggestion of my friend Kathy and went on a mission to find Aspercreme with Lidocaine.  60 bucks later I left Walgreen.  I am a lazy shopper and that place is ONE stop buys all.  Said lidocaine has been applied and I'm waiting for it to kick in.  So far....nada.  

I ran across my Bernie hoodie from 2016 and promptly made it my new uniform in honor of the government shutdown.  I blame neither party but the Congress as a whole.  From what I understand Schumer made a valiant effort to cross the aisle and was rebuked and then BLAMED by Trump for the shutdown.  Bullshit, Mr. POTUS.  He even brought your precious wall to the table.  

So, here we sit just like in 2013.  This is not an Obama thing or a Trump thing but a failure of elected Congressional representatives to put their own interests to the side, stop gerrymandering and focus on what is best for the citizens of this country.  Like that will ever happen.

Anywho, that's my rant o' the day.  If you have yet to experience the hilarity that is Disjointed on Netflix, please indulge yourself.   Sam has knocked every single book out of the recliner to make his nest in here with me.  He is such a mama's boy. Warmer weather is here.  Enjoy not having to scrape ice and snow for awhile!!!

My friend Carol called and we talked and cried and talked some more....2 hours worth.  Good for the soul if you know what I mean.  Right now, I have the luxury to relive my life through that kind of chat.  She's tried out a drumming class and will share links to me about the tribal therapy. Lord knows I need it for clarity.

Namaste ~

Friday, January 19, 2018

only the good die young

Well, that's certainly not true by any means but I love Billy Joel so there you go.  As predicted by my funeral director friend, January has been full of passings...some expected and some a total shock.  On Tuesday it will be 2 years since that snowy day Mom went to glory.  

I've been trying to access a website for a week now with no luck.  I've been given 98 temporary passwords and codes and nothing works.  I've called them about ten times and they're always courteous and helpful but that website....acck.  I'm about to say to hell with it and find a fax.  

If Plan A works, the girls will be here for a short evening visit.  There's a lot more quality in that than hauling all that stuff over for the night!  Thanks Auntie Erica and also for the videos.  That girl is talking up a storm now.

Whever you are, love the one you're with ^j^

Thursday, January 18, 2018

levels of spirituality

My friend came by today and we had our usual psychotherapy session with me using life experience and talking honest to the guy about God.   He mentioned that at a certain point in someone's journey, they will stop saying "look at what I've done" and give the glory to the one who delivers grace and peace.  To be openly led by this kind of gratitude is freedom from control.  

I began to sense that something was wrong in my life when I was about 32, hormonal as hell and confused as a bat.  I spent two years with a woman who cracked the whip so hard on me it hurt.  She taught me to grow up, separate myself from who others expect me to be and take no crap, all with a side of Christianity.  She was a minister as well.  She pissed me off just enough to send me on my way in life.  Haven't heard from her since.  

And that's okay.  She did her job with me as a therapist and minister.  Life is full of those situations where the interaction is brief and intense but leaves lasting impressions.  I am weary today, tired of the chronic pain and drip of faucets.  My hunt and gather mission was to Four Points where the gentral' resides.  I stopped by Gigi's to pick up some papers and found her on the phone drinking coffee.  Diane now sits in an urn on the coffee table with plenty of room left for the rest of the family!  Sanford Stew.

I refuse to give up and not believe that good things are everywhere.  They just don't get a lot of media attention which is a shame.  Steve Hartman is an excellent example of a good news reporter.  There are plenty of others.

Peace ~

Wednesday, January 17, 2018


Like most other folks I enjoy keeping up with friends on FB.  I've dealt with my fair share of trolls, mostly regarding politics but I've never before witnessed what I saw today which was a personal attack on someone's post.  A friend wrote from her heart about a situation that is seemingly impossible for her and was promptly told that she was "ignorant" and a "fool" for doing so.  This comment was posted by someone who has no idea what's going on.  Nada.  

Social media is both a blessing and a curse.  Many people live their lives through it and out current POTUS uses Twitter daily to trash somebody or something.  To use FB or any other form of social media to insult someone is just wrong in my book.  If you are a celebrity and or politician, you set yourself up for it.  Your average user is employing the technology available to reach out to others for good.  This was not the case in this particular situation.  All I can say is that the person who made these comments showed their ass in a very BAD way.  The vitriolic comments were fortunately offset by many many offers of love and support.  So, enough about that.  Like my mama used to say "If you can't say something nice, keep your trap shut."

The sun is out now following snow flurries this morning.  I'm hibernating until the roads get in better shape or I need food, whichever comes first.  I know that parents everywhere are looking forward to getting those kiddos back to school!  Snow days can definitely be the devil's workshop.

Keep smiling....keep shining ~

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

slow go

My orthopedic doc comes here twice a month from Jackson so I wasn't real sure he would be there for my appointment today.  We got probably 4 inches of snow but NO ice this time so it's much more easily traveled.  The road crews have busted out plows and some kind of grainy stuff to put a little traction on the ice underneath.  Salt maybe?  Anyway, we discussed options which are pretty limited to shoulder replacement.  He put me off for two more weeks until I see him again on the 1st for reasessment.  Maybe by then the pain will be better.  Right now, it sucks.

It was surreal being the first car to lay tracks in that fresh snow.  As I got closer to the barn I saw deer prints all over the place.  That's one of their crossings.  I don't do anything fast these days because I'm afraid I'll fall so I crept carefully in snow boots to get to the car to the doctor and back.  Didn't even slide once.   Somebody else did though because there was one laying in the ditch on 51.

Looks like there's a warmup on the way in a few days so there's that to look forward to.   I'm just enjoying the pretty scenery while it's around.

Sleighbells ring ~