Monday, July 28, 2014

back to the future

As the universe would have it, my old friend JR called today to check on a life alert bracelet for his mama which is something I know nothing about. That's a doctor's office thing. All I know is how to make sure the blood supply look good for out little 'burg and outsource anything that's out of our league. I've done it for almost 40 years and seen a lot of changes. As far as blood goes West Tennessee Regional Blood Center aka Lifeline Blood Services has been a great steward of the precious resource that only 5% of the population will take time out to share. I seriously cannot tell you how many lives have been saved with that precious gift. I've seen many in my career. Fennie was one of the first sickle cell patients that I became acquainted with during my time at the hematology/oncology center. She would also show up in the ER quite frequently with yellow eyes and a low H&H. She lived over in the west side across the tracks and I picked her up one evening for a meal with local blood donors. She cried and so did Mr.Harold. He had leukemia and needed multiple transfusions at the end sort of my like my Uncle Jimbo who was A negative and had HLA reactions to his platelets. That's a horrible way to stay alive, if you know what I mean.

I'm off for awhile and going under the knife tomorrow to fix this clusterfuck of a shoulder. There are promises of gourmet meals from my favorite cousin and a few others. All in all, I know that Big Ernie has my back (and shoulder) and pray that I don't get MRSA. Next to Ebola, that's about the next bad thing. As for me, I'm looking forward to some Aleve post-op as long as I don't bleed to death from that dose of ibuprofen on Saturday. I seem to be not too much of a cardiac risk so there ya' go. Aerobics DID pay off! Right now most of my joints pop and groan with arthritis from years of being a good girl. Highly overrated if you ask me.

I am purposely avoiding the news because it cuts into my happy place. I gave up on believing in the USA when Dubya et al invaded Iraq. War is hell, and it's also about money for defense contractors. The first time I saw the crispy critters hanging on the bridge at Fallujah I knew it was bad for us and everybody involved. All about the oil and the barons, so to speak. Meanwhile, the fracking continues in our country with most people oblivious to the consequences. Here's a true story for ya...My friend Lorna got poisoned by a couple of assholes on a spray-rig during a windy day. As she tells it, they ran her down when she was asking them not to. Some really good attorney with a conscience could take that on and improve all the lives there. Or not. Ya'll call BG with all requests for status updates and or meal requests.

Poops is outta' here until I learn to type with my left hand ^j^

Sunday, July 27, 2014

and so it goes

Even with the non NSAID useless piece of shit pill that I'm taking, the pain is becoming almost intolerable. Following yesterday's meltdown at Casa Grands I went to check on her before picking HIM up at church. What I found was a sobbing inconsolable hot mess of a mother worried to death that Faye is gonna' quit. I had to tell her 10 times that it won't happen if we figure ways to lighten that load a little with some extra help. Geez...the lady is 70ish herself! Instead of waiting for Daddy and I to get back (there were dolla' store and dilly bar runs also) she was holding on to a walker with one hand and a paper plate of muffins with the other. I almost knocked her over with the door! I refuse to give on it this time because even if that person is doing nothing, she is a regular presence. I can't be there nor can any of the rest of us. It is what it is.

Today is chair moving time as soon as BG returns. She was all ready to go to church today and the Cadi wouldn't start even though it was boosted yesterday. Methinks it will have to run a loooooong time. Hot is the buzzword for this Sunday but cooler temps are ahead I believe. Bring it..please. Poopie needs cool! It's time for chair moving and my friends are scheduled to get 'er done in spite of the heat. She was worried to death about the little covers that go on the arms and I should have them and where the hell ARE they anyway. I could care less but I took them anyway and carried on with the day.

It's too hot to be outside so the flowers may get watered or may just give it up for growing season '14. Always one to keep a neat yard, I've fallen into the one who lets the tomato plants fall over and the morning glories take over the rosebush. I just don't have it in me to do the big yard thing anymore. They can have it for corn and I'll be just fine with a patio altar of my favorites. It's shady there and I can watch the grapevine take over the ancient maple tree that's about to fall on the house. There's a story about how that got there but I'll never tell.

Peace and love ~

Saturday, July 26, 2014

roll with it, baby

I was set to have lunch with friends today but the car was out of pocket and I'm broke so I made the executive decision to stay home. Following a 12 hour coma I woke to the giggles and squeals that are sweet Babyman when he first rises. He has a wakeup routine that always includes movie time with Scrat or some other character he loves. Dude has learned the wonder of "boookk" read out loud to him and he can even read to himself only you can't understand his words They're excited about their new home and next chapter of their lives. It won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is.

It wasn't long before the reason for my decision became apparent. BG was at group in my car because the Cadi is dead as a doornail. They can't have phones there so I called the main number to get her hauled out so we could go check on Mama who suddenly decided that she needed to go to Urgent Care because she "can't walk." Nothing new, except with the aid of a walker and baby steps. Both knees are swollen as the norm and she was a hot mess of tears. I called Home Health on my way and poor nurse was way out in the boonies somewhere with poor reception so I iced the knee down and we shall see if further action is needed after her visit. Daddy was a mess as well with wet britches which he blamed on the water hose but I know better. There was an aroma that is distinct, especially to those in my profession. Ms.Faye is too old and too tired to keep up her vigil anymore so I think it's about time for PlanB whatever the hell that is. That one, I'm leaving up to Big Ernie. Lord knows it's out of my hands already.

Without anti-inflammatory meds the shoulder is telling me that indeed the surgery is necessary and I've only been able to keep up with the pace by medicating and keeping my head down and toward the goal of making it 'til a fix can be had, which is Tuesday. There will be even worse pain after but I'm expecting the worst so if it's badder than that, I'm screwed. Being put to sleep has never much bothered me because I'm not much into control these days. The way I see it I'll just go with the flow and respond to whatever comes next. That's a mixture of faith and fatigue speaking the truth.

Which is, of course, how I roll^j^

Friday, July 25, 2014

warrior women

My ethereal kickass organic gardener friend came by for a visit today and it was quite warm but not humid so I'll take it. We sat on the porch and talked about ownership and addiction and whatnot. The thing that so many people don't realize about the process is that it's not just chemical altering substances. Behaviors can become addictive and OCD is one of the most painful for those who have to deal with the addict on a day to day basis. That is what my mama the southern belle deals with every day of her 81 year old life. Her choice, not mine. I ceased dropping and running to put out fires long ago because I'm old and tired and broke. Plus, my shoulder hurts like hell now that I'm off all OTC meds pre-op. Certainly don't want to bleed to death, ya know? Meanwhile, I might die from pain. What's a girl to do?

Booger came to the sawmill for a visit today wearing his camo flip-flops and clutching the remains of his breakfast. I got big sugars and more after I got home. They're headed for their own place next week which is totally a God thing in and of itself. Maybe by Thanksgiving we'll have a place to eat turkey and dressing not standing up. I'll pull out the good china and slap on a vintage tablecloth. There will be deviled eggs and pie all Paula Deen style and everybody gets a belly full. Wonder if I'm working this year? There probably won't be many more posts for weeks on end because frankly? It's not in my skill set at the moment. Thanks to Big Ernie I got the CTS on my left hand done for my last break from work. Like the little nurse said to me yesterday "You'd be amazed at what you can do with your left hand."

Indeed! Prayers appreciated ^j^

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

mysterious ways

The cool snap is long gone but was nice while it lasted. It is now hotter than hades and humid to boot. We are entering the dog days which is mighty dry so, no fires in the near future. Not that I can build one with my left hand or anything. I am resigned myself to the fact that it's gonna' hurt like hell for awhile but be worth it in the long run. We shall see. Of course sports are out of the question for a year but, ohmygod. I haven't played sports in a kazillion years and then not very well. I remember tearing my hamstring as I tumbled down the steep hill next to our little cemetery and BG thought she was gonna have to take me to ER. Truth be known, I probably should have gone. Two days later my entire leg was purple from hip to foot. My little Doogie Howser GP was so alarmed he sent me for an ultrasound. I take enough aspirin that clots weren't an issue, however I couldn't sit on that ass cheek for about 3 months.

The neighborhood theme is running strong these days and I ran into yet another one today at the sawmill. His mama just died and we talked about that and my parents. He's the one who picked Daddy up from his first bloody walking fall on the gravel and brought him home for me to clean up. No ambulance, of course. Ornery old coot! My EMT friends tell me that unless a person consents to the ride they can't force it. I remember the pecan picking guy passing out one day and his response when they came up was hell naw. Dude even jumped in his truck and drove off. I admire the spirit that my parents have about getting old even though it frustrates me at times. They want to stay home and they long for the freedoms that aging has taken from them. Some of their friends came to get them to go out to dinner last night and I was glad to hear that. These are the folks they used to go to the White River with fishing and visiting once or twice a year. That seems like a hundred years ago, yet old friends never go away.

My grandmother's version of life was simply this: "The way I see it Janie, we're all just loaned to each other by God." That keeps me going when the losses seem too painful to bear. It's the same way with true spend intense periods together and go through stuff that binds you together from here to eternity. One of my favorite passages in the Bible describes the road to Emmaus and the believers walking along there together discussing what they had seen. Little did they know that JC was right there with them hearing the whole story.

Peace and love ^j^

Monday, July 21, 2014

smooth operator

I had remote problems last night and ended up watching Frank Underwood gas poor Peter for about the tenth time. It makes it even worse knowing that he pushed Zoey in front of a train. Dayum, and I thought I had known some cold people in my day. He and Claire are a perfect couple cast in ice. The one I most relate to is Nancy because she's always saying "yes Frank" and "how quick Frank?" That's the story of my life and if I were made that way I'd never know any different. The hard part of being me is that I'm a rebel with a cause and it's usually about truth and justice and what Jesus would do. The maddest I ever got was sitting through an annual conference of the UMC, as a delegate and employee of their healthcare system, and hearing the CEO pitch services at a place where "we know what a miracle you are". I failed to show up the next year as an alternate and got kicked out chastised for not doing my duty. Also at that conference I heard a long morose diatribe by a minister my age with whom I was friends in high school. The tone of his rambling addressed not one single rule but how hard it is to keep a family together when you move all the time. He should know, like his father and grandfather before him. There are always ordinations, and I can't recall who was getting blessed that time.

I had just enough time between work and work to visit the ortho doc who's doing my shoulder next week. Duration of the procedure is 1-2 hours with a same day discharge barring complications which we certainly do pray not to have. I saw my warrior friends Vicki and Paula today and they've got me on their list. They clean houses so maybe they'll help a girl out. Mainly I need someone to run errands. I get paid while I'm off but the bills gotta' get caught up on. When you live on the edge like me, forgetting the utility bill can cause sudden blackouts. Still no chair but maybe this weekend. My brother says he'll get it done but he really doesn't have time what with his three jobs to make what I earn as a "professional." This man has the first buck he ever earned hangin' on the wall, framed and everything. He's a tightwad who knows how to party! Some of the best times of my life were spent in the nightclub he owned that is now a parking lot for the Baptist church which meets where the oak furniture store used to reside. Long story, that one.

I heard from Harvey after sending that awesome picture of what I like to call "my house" on the hill. I swear the very same windows with rope pullies are still in this house. The weights alone could get me a trip to Fiji after cashing in at the junkyard. Southern charm and all that. But here's the thing....I don't own it. All these years I have paid rent to the tune of 150K for the privilege of living on my homeplace close to my parents. It was a conscious decision made by me mostly, to raise my daughter in an environment away from traffic and bullshit and enable her to experience nature as a kid. She did all that and more, ya' know? There have always been horses and possums and cows and LOTS of dogs and cats to keep her occupied as an only child in the country. Our yard was host to many a girl scout meeting or SS party. One year the class of which I was a member descended on Pecan Lane in November and funded some charity or another. The Sojourners class, I believe. It was an eclectic mix of rich locals and homegrown travelers. Today's forbidden pleasure via FB and SP was a picture of my friend Sandi's hand holding her mother's with her tatoo of Love showing. BG has one in the exact spot with Faith. And that's what we're keeping.


Saturday, July 19, 2014


Miss Mary and her daughter Juanita came by to scoop me up this morning for a visit with mom and daddy and surprisingly enough, they were both ready to receive visitors early in the day. We showed off the house and talked about each others' families which includes a lot of history pertaining to Calcutt Farms. Mary had a picture of the back of my house made in the 20s which I took a picture of with the bad ass Leica. Damn, I love that camera! Thanks Little John for that and the gas eating Cadillac. Mary told me that her daddy helped to plant the pecan trees that line my lane. A couple of them are hicans? which is a hickory nut and pecan mixture. My own father planted several himself. The magnolias over by the cabin behind the barn are still in bloom due to cool weather and I've yet to hear the ree'a'rees. No sweet corn either! Polar vortex indeed.

I haven't checked in with MSM yet so I don't have a clue who's shooting who or how the investigations are going. Sometimes you just have to opt out on reality, ya' know? All I know is that I will never fly Malaysian Airlines again, even though I never did. Lily is sharing the desk chair with me sucking up and wanting to jump on the keyboard and help. If she didn't think I'd smack her ass, she probably would. When she was a kitten she would lay on my shoulder like she did with Bracken's mom. Following many years of crazy cat lady escapades, she is our one and only le mew mew.

There is an issue that I'm really struggling with at the moment and I'd appreciate all kinds of prayer warrior attention for some peace in that area. Per my reality there are several challenges on the table but this one is wearing me smooth out. A real spirit killer, if you will. One of the curses of being a "strong willed child" is that it takes too many lessons to drive a point home and I end up battered and bruised. And doing the ugly cry WAYYYY too often! Point taken and the ball is back to me. Too bad I can't swing a racket or bat with this bum arm. T-10 days and counting.