Wednesday, April 16, 2014

stealth as a virtue

One of my dearest friends in the whole wide world who was "expected" to be a Chi Omega at Ole Miss (legacy) told me that she would always be in stealth mode just in case she needed the connection. Sadly, that's the way the world works these days! She later went on to marry a biker and a dentist plus a good old boy from home. Her career with a vet school has been long and distinguished serving as a leader of their business department. The only other two people that I know well who went to school there are Dr. Jeff and Sally who couldn't be farther apart in personality. Oh, and of course there was Dick Bruce the educator who diagnosed me as above average intelligence in elementary school.. long before common core was ever invented. Good call Mr. B, and I still think too much and look out the window way too often. Especially in spring. His wife Peggy was a librarian (like Sally) and I'm afraid her love of all things refined failed to impress their only child the drummer. He's always been like me...a force to be reckoned with.

Whatever is putting off pollen right now is absolutely killing me in spite of Zyrtec/Singulair. We moved into this house in the month of April many years before the asparagus got planted and our lives got sent in 90 different directions. During the 90's we all schlepped along raising kids and working our asses off as big fish ate little fish and corporate became not a nickname but a reality. I have never understood the wisdom of not listening to front line people who see the weaknesses and strengths of a place from a personal perspective. Our entire society has been structured to support giant bigger mega Wall Street values by outsourcing labor that could be done by Americans to citizens of other countries because it's "cheaper." Whatthefuckever.

My grandmother Ethel Inez was an old school telephone operator in Halls which is about 10 miles south of here. There's a picture of her perched on a stool with this totally hot looking guy leaning against the table and she looks in the face. That would have been around uh...have to get back with you on that. I can't describe the feeling that I had the first time I saw my face on one of my long lost relatives. Like walking on a grave or something.

I'm thinking about having my footwashing early. More later ^j^

Tuesday, April 15, 2014


Well it seems that this one was highly overrated in our neck of the woods because it was cloudy during the eclipse. By the time I headed to work at six, it was full and bright white dribbling light over the lane as I made my way on the familiar course. I always choose to go through downtown proper rather than the busy by-pass because the traffic can be pretty bad (by our standards) at certain times and there's an art to the crossover that my parents failed to navigate as they neared 80. Thus their scheduled rides by whomever is available for hair or church. Mr Dusty is over 90 and still picks daddy up every Wednesday for lunch "with the boys." I hope I'm still able when I'm that age is all I'm saying. Mama crashed out two Toyotas there before her swan song with the third turning into Southtown on Easter of all days. I was at work and she ended up in our ER all bloody and crying and of course that just tears me up. She had on her new outfit and probably an Easter chick pin or something and here she was beat all to hell by an airbag. Their preacher stopped by and gave her the short version of his sermon which was "Surprise!" which I thought was totally fitting for both Easter and her situation. Another time she fell on Easter night while cooking Daddy country ham and there we went to the ER again. It's been non-stop for about ten years and time just runs together in the way that it does when survival means getting up and doing it all again. My friend Pax who is the Citizen Kane of New Jersey is dealing with a similar situation involving his own parents and I can tell from his daily posts that it's wearing on him too. It's a blessing and a curse if you know what I mean.

The sawmill was abuzz with drama today which is always, though expected, an adrenaline pumper when the shit hits the fan. I've hauled a lot of yucky stuff back and forth during my years there healing and serving the sick. I learned WAYYYY early on that my bad mood is NOT the fault of that patient and I'd better be nice and treat him or her as a customer. Do no harm. Take no prisoners when it comes to being that patient's advocate. And never beat yourself up when the outcome isn't what you tried for. It's the Big Guy upstairs who's in charge of the whole deal.

Still no plane and I'm really kind of surprised that they're still looking at the behest of a bunch of angry family members. I know you can't make comparisons but I will in remembering the length of time it took to clear the site of the WTC and Pentagon bombings and tentatively identify the thousands of people killed that day. We were so hell bent on punishing the perps in that case that we sacrificed thousands more lives in a war that was never about anything other than big oil. If I had lost a kid during that time or during Vietnam, I'd be highly pissed at the priorities of this country. As they return all eat up with PTSD and not able to afford food because their assistance has been cut I am ashamed of how we roll.

I got to see an old and dear work friends both today and yesterday which kind of helps to change up the scenery a bit. Haven't seen much of Boogs since the howling episode but I reckon he's doing well. As long as there's Ice Age and Scrat, he's good to go. Shannah and the older kids are grocery shopping for supper and gonna' cook it up so I'm free to do whatever, like watch Mad Men some more and lust over Jon Hamm.

Keeping the faith here. Hope you are the same ^j^

Monday, April 14, 2014

along the road

So, a monsoon came through last night and filled the ditches to overflow all over town. As I wound my way to the sawmill this morning the Camry got splashes of mud all over the new tires with no hubcaps, still. Baby steps, ya know? It has showered on and off all day and is much cooler and more spring like. The humidity yesterday was enough to choke a goat, and a southern one at that! I'm gonna take my chances with what I planted tonight because it's sheltered by the house, one of the beautiful things about container gardening. My friend Joe posted a picture of his garden full of poo and it already had a green thing growing...broccoli maybe? We'll get there, but no time soon unless I can round up some help. I went to my FNP today to get started on checking out the shoulder damage because it's simply not getting better. The current injury in tandem with the knotted up bitch on that shoulder blade is about to get more than I can bear and I do pain really well. She ran me through the range of motion stuff and made tsk tsk noises at the pops and groans and most especially the movement that causes the most pain which is straight up or back. At least then we'll know which way to go with physical therapy.

I remember a co-worker who worked for months with a frozen neck even going on a dang CRUISE instead of having what she needed which was surgery. She still can't move her neck easily so what was the point? Syble and I discussed how horrible the insurance companies are when contracting for their patient's medicines. I use an albuterol inhaler and have for years due to severe allergies ( yeah, i know. five dogs) Asthma was diagnosed and I did the injection therapy for years until it wasn't in the budget. Daddy still's part of his Sunday routine, if you will. Only we couldn't find it yesterday because the vial fell in with the cheese or something. I'm telling's like a freaking zoo around here..I went to sleep about 7 last night to a nice steady rain and woke up lord knows when hearing Boogs screaming like he was being murdered. He does that now and then but this time it went on and on and ON! Poor Shannah and the older kids had the light on and she was just rocking him and pattin' that butt trying to make it all better. We think it's a tooth but who knows. Maybe he just needed to be held while he cried...I know that feeling.

It's nice doing business with people you've worked with before because it's takes away the barriers that keep providers and patients from being honest with each other. If your BUN is a tad high you're drinking too many diet dr peppers, comprende? BP is good (with med)and temp normal. Little wheeze left side, no biggie. Halfass controlled with the cheapest inhaler du jour of the megagiantpharmacy network. These devices were mandated to all be constructed and delivered the same way but some work better than others. Too bad if that one's not on your insurance formulary. I've used Ventolin for years with nary a problem. ProAir is a whole 'nother story. So anyway I've got my refills of happy pills and allergy meds for about three months. You gotta love an office that still has Easter candy on the counter.

So, here we are the day after that triumphal entry. Can you feel the mood beginning to change?

Sunday, April 13, 2014

why did the turkey cross the road and other important questions

I was on the way to spend my hard earned money in a loop this morning that included pickup of my parents after the joint service that involved lots of church memebers. A tradition of FUMC started years ago was brought back to life by a stunning cast including Jesus himself, Gerry Anderson. Back in the day when Mark Locke was the director it ran for two hours and involved both Gerry and his twin brother Terry...the twin Jesi, we called 'em. One night during practice the local po-po got a call and ran into one of them in the basement hallway complete with robe. Word has it he accepted his Lord right then and there.

My daddy and I were always cast members, along with BG and the kids that were there then. The choir climbed ancient wooden steps up to the loft where Mark almost fell off on more than one occasion. My favorite memory is of Patti Lou in the marketplace with a basket full of puppies. All the while, my ornery daddy hollered about something or another and banged on a drum. Baby Jesus changed every year according to whomever had been blessed with a six month old at Lent. We went to the local Dairy Queen for lunch and I was enchanted watching the families and most especially the elderly. Some old schoolmates sat nearby with their grandchildren and more than one person stomped up front demanding their food right, damn now. An elderly grandma type with sensible black shoes and hose enjoyed an after church burger. I saw the owner when I went to pick up our sundaes and knew exactly we needed. He shared that one employee was a no show so it was more chaos than usual. After church, no less. I knew better than to even attempt Cracker Barrel after 11. After dropping off the movie rentals and paying the entirely unfair electricity bill current amount due to my local provider at the last minute, scurried over to the FUMC lot to wait for church to let out. I have been there come rain or shine or plastic windows on the trusty old Camry for a lot of months. I am a solitary type person in that I require long periods of down time to recover from the stresses of every day life as I live it. It's not always about the number of people around you but if the harmony is there (which hasn't been too evident to me lately) a state of peace and balance can be found for our fragile mother earth. It's now or never and I'm a believer. This is the day that symbolizes the triumphant entry complete with palm branches.

So anyway, back to the turkey. I was driving east on Samaria Bend up close to the by-pass when all of a sudden this turkey runs in front of my car and I smacked him real good before he went flying. I was telling Mom and Daddy about it at lunch and the lady at the next table said "Thanksgiving dinner!" Jane's newest addiction is Mad Men and I was just amazed to find that there's no market for all the seasons of Breaking Bad and Nurse Jackie. Yep...I love me some LIONSGATE. And of course Weeds.

I ask of any pilgrim like me only one thing during this holy week. Remember that it was all for you ^j^

Friday, April 11, 2014

baby games

Booger is a crawling master and soon will let go of our hands and walk for the first time. It's so funny watching him with a ball because he'll roll it and then crawl like a demon to get it! I told Shannah he'd never have to worry about not having somebody to play ball with. The entire family plus uncle were here for BG's feast of stuffed shells with the real stuff inside. One dish is alfredo and the other marinara. To die for, kids. We were licking our plates and then had ice cream. I went to the crack store nursery downtown for something, ANYTHING to plant and got oregano, mint and rosemary plus a few flowers. No basil though, and that's a must. I love the smell of each of them individually or all mixed up in one big waft. Over the years I've learned that partial sun is good for most everything worth having.

There is something really nagging at me and I can't put a finger on it but I think it has to do with homeland security. More and more we read of things like next generation jihadists who are often American set out on a mission to destroy us because of our western ways, whatever the hell that means. If they only knew how our country treats its' own citizens maybe they'd cut some slack. Probably not though since they're all just dead set on getting to the virgins ASAP. The Republican party is about to splinter because the old heads and tea partiers are ruining their rep. I cringe every time I see Rand Paul or Mitch McConnell saying what for. If they only knew the meaning of diversity.

I distinctly remember peaceful Muslims being targeted following 9/11 and I was shocked at the number of people who didn't make the correct assumption that every religious group has both peaceful and warrior sides. Extremists love being on the fringe and get a charge on the knowledge that they are the "winning" team. Speaking of which, Fred Phelps was one of them and his congregation reminds me of jihad in more ways than one. Choke on that one peeps. There will always be that guy who lives off the land and doesn't want the government all up in his business so he bunkers down for the IRS to show up.

What else? Ahhh..Colbert and Letterman. I find it interesting and wonder if Stewart's feelings were hurt. Colbert is, however, much more like the cynical David Letterman in that he will cut you where you bleed with his words. I don't have TV service so it doesn't matter to me. Personally I think Chelsea should get a big job like that. I mean, her followers are legendary and she's funny as heck. Yeah, I'm a reviewer too, hah!

God bless ya'll and your mama'n them and have a lovely weekend.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

chair yoga

It feels good to have a hastily arranged day off ahead of me to hopefully sleep and rest the back and shoulder. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I can't mow the yard take care of the acre I've got with the house. It's worth the money to let a professional do it. That way I can just buy flowers and put 'em in pots in the container garden out back. Since Pride is in heaven the straw bales and/or torn up earth will serve as home to some produce simply because there's a ton of horse shit up in that barn. Our neighbor Gerald shows up every year on his mule to get some for his 'mater patch. He is one of the few elders who knows everything that ever went on out here. I've been told that there was a bar over by the river behind where the Quinn house stood and that my ex-husband's grandpa got shot there. Hearsay, but sounds about right. Our 'burg was a typical river town with the city proper on the north side of the mighty Forked Deer (which tends to flood and turn up dead bodies.)

BG asked me awhile ago how old SammyD is and I had to guess about 8ish. Tim and Amy brought him to me one day after she adopted him from the shelter and moved into an apartment. He has loved every minute of being here with us and first Faith, then the others who have shown up. It's like a shelter here but at least it's warm and they can play outside. Sophie sleeps with her head on my shoulder so close I can hear her breath. Ryder is just big and gawky and skinny with Great Dane ears and a low IQ. I mean, like BAD! A cracked door is all it takes to set her to crying because she doesn't know she can just walk through. Yeah. Like, duh.

In true spring cleaning form my closet is flung wide open and the bed is covered with piles of clothes that will go or stay and I'm totally now showing any mercy. Everything must go!
I also feel a fire coming on real soon. If ya'll see smoke coming from the hill don't be's just Poopie playing with matches.

Pretty day, so I'm gonna' go forth and enjoy :)

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

believe in miracles

We are approaching the time of year that is very important for Christians as it's an observance of the events leading up to his death on the cross. Horribly calculated by the soldiers to last way longer than was humane, he slowly suffocated hanging right there nailed in. There was no way out but to go through the motions of letting go with the faith that others will know about God from you and I don't mean the snippy puritanistic ways of many large churches, most especially those who keep women from having leadership roles and dictate personal belief. How can you, calling yourself a Christian,think that you are more worthy than those who have different ideas about worship. My friend Trauma Tommy is having a major surgery this week for treatment of liver cancer. His progress from the OR will be posted to FB by someone so that the huge crowds of people who love him will know what's up. Thursday, Trauma Tommy. Do a post-it to remind yourself to pray ^j^

I remember giving lip service to belief in angels for years before I was totally convinced...without a doubt...they exist just when you need them most. On one particular All Saints day I sat next to my choir buddy Donna in our robes. The tradition is that bells are rung, one each for the church members who have moved on to greener pasture, as they say. Don't ask me who "they" is but my mother assures me they know most everything. The sanctuary was semi-dark and the sun was shining through the stained glass when I noticed a look on Donna's face I had never seen. In that moment I saw a woman's mother appear as an angel and tell her to keep being a witness. It was a mixture of wonder and awe that I will never forget.

This entire week has been dedicated to those who volunteer their services. At our hospital there are awards for Pink Lady and Red Coat of the year and also one given by my mother's family in honor of Gaga. Now you would have to know her to get this but we swapped memories in HR today of how she started as an admissions clerk, moved to ER and was "forced" to retire at 70 only to be the ruler founding mother for the the Pink Ladies Auxiliary. Honey, nobody will be having to force this old girl any time. As if the torn up right shoulder isn't enough pain now there's a nagging toothache that will get attention tomorrow if I don't end up in ER first.

Anyone who professes to be faithful in belief and action to one God who loves all religions and tribes, is a true follower. I'm tired of the "sky is falling" mentality because I intend to enjoy what time there is left and I damn sure don't know when the gig is up. Not my call. That's the one of the MANY between me and Peaches Geldof. Happy Hump Day eve.