Saturday, January 31, 2015

pajama party

THE very best thing about a day off to me is the luxury of staying in flannel and flip flops while catching up with the world outside of Pecan Lane. Most of that consists of people that I've never met in person but know by heart. I've heard all kinds of horror stories about how people have social media withdrawals and it's a thing, I assure you. My friend went through those withdrawals and more when she started treatment. Detox is about more than just drugs! To some sex is a drug and to others it's a certain mindset. The bottom line is that there's some dysfunction going on big time when you allow one facet of life to take over all others. At one time I was addicted to the sawmill always living vicariously through the drama of saving lives and "helping" people. No more, buddy. That was 30 years ago and I'm tired.

I just glanced out the window to see that Chester is back with the pack for a visit and this time there's no puppy threat so I'll just let 'em romp. He's quite a handsome fellow and has very good manners. I was looking through old pics this morning and ran across the one of Paige the dog catcher putting a very huge great dane into the cab of her truck because he wouldn't fit in the bay. His name escapes me, but he was Faith's one and only baby daddy, thus Ryder's huge ears. I'm telling you, this shit cannot be made up!

There is a white board kind of thing happening on this desk as I jump headfirst into the next chapter. Nobody ever makes money from writing or photography unless they do it by trade so I must find another way to make my fortune in the off chance that Sugardaddy never shows up. If I were a determined sort I'd find a Superbowl party and jump up in there to pretend that I care mix and mingle with the single men. I think I'll just watching House of Cards again and finish the laundry. The dining room will be minus a baby bed today plus a lot of other stuff because we have to get the handyman to fix the door onto that cute little porch. The lock is ancient and it won't even close now so we have a tablecloth stuffed in to keep it shut. Once again....cannot be made up.

It's been almost two years since my cousin Debbie died and it still doesn't seem real that she's not around to share the love of all those grandchildren. Neely looks a whole lot like she did as a baby and that makes me smile. Her older brothers are all boy so she will grow up knowing how to survive rough and tumble. They will watch her back and make sure she's safe from all the bad guys. And someday she will look at of pictures of her grandmother and wonder who she was. I hope I'm around to tell her.

Peace out~

Friday, January 30, 2015

pure ramble

Well thank my lucky stars and pass the MichU because it's Friday afternoon and I have two days off to restclean house and do laundry. I know..y'all so wish you were me and Mahala since we know all the ins and outs of making it 'til payday in an effed up US of America land that we love. I'm mighty glad to not have to listen to Mittens for the next year or so but Scott Walker and Paul Ryan scare the shit out of me so I guess that leaves Fat Bastard and Rand. If Haslam had the money (and he does, I've been told) he could get up in that race too since he's all loving Medicaid expansion now and Lord knows they're all in a twit over it. Our state has a smattering of Dems and zero independents making decisions about healthcare for one of the poorest states in the nation which is home to the top two for-profit healthcare corporations in our country. You do the math.

In honor of Rodney P. Williams, LCSW I just have to say "here's the thing...." I began my career in a hospital before HIV was even discovered to be rampant in our population. The blood supply was at risk and nobody knew it until several high profile people died from transfusions like tennis pro Arthur Ash. HepC was known as "nonA,nonB" and turned out to be the big one liverwise. The lookback process for all that when testing began was a nightmare for all involved. After that came NAT and you can be sure now that blood is as safe as it can be when it's being processed for the right reasons. Take the Red Cross, for instance. This national organization which does a kickass job with disaster relief and recovery somewhere along the line decided that bigger is better and attempts to drive community blood centers out of the market when, in fact, the locals are the ones saving lives by being 30 minutes away and not in NashVegas or Memphis. As long as I live the staff at Lifeline Blood Services in Jackson will be my heroes. That means you too Joe.

The snowdrops are up and cute as hell and the buttercups outside our bathroom window have buds so there's that to be grateful for! blizzard. And got some propane left. Plus celebratory things for the celebration that is about to begin. Whenever I get all disgusted with the state of things I remember the code that all healthcare peeps should live by. Do no least not intentionally or for greed. Fingerstick glucose monitoring and a focus on healthy nutrition could solve half the burden on the entire system.

Believe ^j^

Thursday, January 29, 2015


As we all know it's Thursday but I've been throwing back with old pictures all week so I'll pass on that one. It's too much trouble to hook up the damn scanner plus it's cold and it's ladies night. PLUS babygirl is cooking! She gave me this candle for Christmas that smells like caramel and I dug it out of the jar and still burn that stuff every day. Caramel cayenne maybe? Since it's almost payday and there might be some left I got some organic coconut oil at a twofer price plus there's beer and peppermint scented epsom salts and Voila!...perfect evening. Low maintenance has my picture on Wiki. Go Google it if you don't believe me.

So I talked to my "here's the thing" therapist today only to find that he's retired and wishes us well but his hands are full with grandchildren. As an LCSW contracted with EAP he guided us through some very tough times over the years. He gave me a name for a friend in need and off he went to play with the baby. That's what's up y'all. Screw Benghazi and Iraq and the two party system and Fred freakin' Phelps and ISIL?S. At the rate the destruction of our earth is going none of that will matter because nobody can afford to travel. The science is real and the people who deny that are ill advised. Carbon emissions are deadly to both flora and fauna. I finally understand that right at the time gas is a buck eightyish. Just.My.Luck.

I tried calling Mama before the news but her line was busy and I know better than to call the house phone anywhere in the vicinity of 4PM. I understand now that my father's rigid schedule including the news is an attempt to control a situation that is about to be out of his ADL skill set, so to speak. Truth be told, it already is. We are one more hospital visit away from life as we will have to figure out. A dear friend is dealing with her own situation that involves an elderly mother in her home who needs help while she's working. It's hard to know who to trust in those situations and that's why I'm glad Lori is on board with us. A mutual friend of ours stopped by yesterday and we talked farm history. Seems as if his grandaddy was the crazy part Indian guy who lived in a school bus across from PecanLane. His memories were all of kerosene and gas. He's amazed the bus didn't blow up. Martin was a horse man by trade and I remember looking at him in awe for his bizarre lifestyle. Small world.

Somebody is gonna have a beautiful home when the remodel down the road is done and I hope it's somebody who won't complain about my dogs or the occasional grass fire. If they're nice I'll share some fresh asparagus. I'm counting the days y'all. Counting the days! Call your mother unless it will confuse her more and if that's the case just celebrate another day in paradise.

Carry on~

Wednesday, January 28, 2015


Is it just me or does anybody else wonder what Snowden's up to? I mean the MSM was all OVER his ass forever until the focus shifted to blaming Obama and mid-terms. Then, just poof! I hope he's not still in the airport is all I can say. I figure he's out there spreading truth and the global way which is when you tell the truth about your country and their ways, you will be chased. The whole coming out of that bunch of journalists was amazing to me and though I never read their findings word for word I get the concept that people who carry extra flash drives can exit pretty quickly when the shit hits the fan. If it were me? I wouldn't trust this government for anything right now except maybe my partial tax refund which damn well better hit the bank soon or I'm screwed. I mean like...bad. BG's hours got cut at the BBQ pit so she's exploring other options and so am I. People will set the bar high and urge you to keep your chin up and then expect it all the time. I'm a poster girl, ya' know. Loyalty should always count but unfortunately George Bailey got scrooged and so do we. It's so amazing to think about my history with the sawmill not just with me but my entire family. My youngest brother was an EMT before he was a law officer. Gaga was an employee who got forced to retire at 70 when the non-profit bought us. She became a Pink Lady on a mission and the entire volunteer program took off later adding men called Redcoats and ICCU hostesses. My daddy pushed a wheelchair carrying patients to and fro for many years while Mama and his sisters served as pinks and hostesses regular as clockwork until they retired. My fav since Daddy, Mr. Buck, retired last week, god love him. They're the same age. Daddy got mad when corporate moved their sitting place away from X-ray and never went back. The red coat is still in my closet as testimony, right next to the pink one and the wedding dress I almost sold for 25 bucks. Live and learn.

I'm happy to hear that conservatives are listening to women about their own bodies (ahem) because we've got bigger fish to fry than overturning a SCOTUS decision that came down when I was in high school. I'm almost 60, by the way. The more I see religion all up in politics, the more I shake my head and watch Breaking Bad or House of Cards. I mean jeez y'all...take it to church and keep it there. If you know the ten commandments they don't have to be posted at the courthouse. Honor thy father and mother. Do not adulter (is that a word?). Do not kill. I'm not sure where the seven deadly sins comes in but I dare say greed should be #1 especially when the Kochs have hand picked Scott Walker as their boy. I can't wait 'til Pope Francis gets a'hold of that bunch.

There is a new cat hanging around here that looks kind of huge and black and the doggies smooth ran that dude up a tree right before sunset yesterday. Chester got out of jail today and didn't show up so that all seems to have blown over thank goodness. All we need is another litter of puppies. I've been going through pics trashing the ones of the ground and my knee and ran across some vintage ones from the kudzu bar which, as Idgie can tell you, is a real thing and I have proof. It sits on the business route into Dyersburg right next to the Forked Deer and the kudzu almost ate the whole building before TimmyD took over. Several businesses behind it were totaled by the back to back Southtown floods and they're back in shape just in time for spring rains. There's a really cool iron bridge back behind that was formerly for foot traffic and, I suppose, cars back in the day. I bet I've taken a kazillion pictures from that spot.

So here's the thing about that bar and what it means to me. It was mostly, for a long time, strictly a men's den with the dailies showing up for roll call and an occasional woman and her girlfriends stopping by to celebrate a birthday or something. There were pool tables and dart games and eventually a dance stage, complete with poles, for those who dared like Yaya. And me. And Redneck Friend. And a whole bunch of others! Ladies night had dollar beer until they hiked it to 1.50 and I was pretty much outta' there. I can have a dolla' beer at home. We had fun there..bonded and kept up with family. We also pulled pills had fun parties and flirted and then all went home to the other life because that's what you do, right? Beverly has the voice of an angel and she was the last owner prior to Tim. The clientele is loyal and it's a safe place where people watch your back. Plus there's a nice patio!

Some friends of mine lost a friend this week and I could tell you a lot of stories about that whole thing but I won't because people can't tell fact from fiction anymore. Fortunately one can no longer be dooced.

Peace and love and rock'n'roll ^j^

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

higher power

Lorna and I had the best stream of consciousness chat yesterday about Lake Co peeps including one very interesting fellow that I recently met. All of our families have been high (and low) rollers in the tiny pond type of mentality that is society in a small southern town where most money is inherited and blown without a second thought to the starving children in Africa, or even the ones next door. We were both raised with family, though not slaves, servants that were handed down over the generations. Ours was Miss Rosie who wore a paper bag on her head from time to time. There was scads of money involved and it's all gone now but for a time, our families were the upper crust. Post WWII was a good time for most everybody and that's when a lot of women ventured into the workplace for the first time to pay for all that shiny "stuff" that came with an economic comeback. There were bridge and garden clubs and one generic that was simply "the woman's club" of Dyersburg, of course. My great grandfather Oscar Hamilton was a grocer on the side of town next to the railroad tracks which is now known as "shady" on a good day. KW Rogers was the owner I believe. He walked to work from Pate street and my great grandma Ethel was known to stand on the porch yelling at him as he marched toward real life and away from her uptight self.

I love Alternet because I like reading other sides to a story and the piece that caught my attention today addressed the issue of addiction and the dismal success rate for 12 steppers. Now before anybody gets offended let me say that I'm one of them on several issues and so far I'm functioning but only because I have a good support system and a solid knowledge of the rehab process. Addiction when seen as a "disease" is paid for by (you guessed it) big insurance usually. If somebody uses in response to a shitty life, for example, company dollars pay for that treatment. If not, the government(s) and private donors finance centers that usually run 4-6 weeks in length. Now that's a reasonable period of time to be working a program but the trouble comes when the recently reborn addict hits the streets again and finds the same triggers as before: i.e. friends who use, shitty job/marriage/financial situation/etc. Ninety meetings in 90 days is a nice thought but it usually doesn't work with the whole getting re-integrated picture. Seasoned addicts will tell you that there's a "character defect" behind every addiction that will still be there when the using stops, and they're right. Only I prefer to play Pollyanna and see it as "bad situation" that is a reason to get sober or at least get a grip. Back in the 80's when I attended my first meeting of CoDA it was held in the classroom of our very own inpatient treatment center that was for 2 weeks because that's all insurance would pay. That went away pretty quick with intake and rehab shifting to the private sector. A friend of mine who knows the ropes chose her own detox place and headed to Memphis to a recovery center where she promptly came back to the 'burg and did what she had been doing before. Court mandated programs are a hotbed of who can get what from whom and most of them don't give a damn. The success rate for addicts is about 10% on a good day and the court monitoring of these folks costs a lot in drug testing and staff $$$$$. I believe it's a diversionary tactic, and it doesn't work too well but it's better than jail. Booger's mama is a graduate of said program and I'm mighty proud of her because lawwwwwwd! that girl has some stories. Life is a destination and so is recovery. One day at a time.

Talk therapy is essential to healing every sort of emotional trauma that feeds addiction including PTSD from any kind of violence whether it's sexual assault or war. I've been in therapy off and on for 27 years and I know myself well enough to know when I'm gonna' need some face or phone time. Rod is my "here's the thing" guy who has been with our family since the first divorce and knows the whole deal. EAP paid for the last round and then cut me off because I wasn't in "crisis" anymore. Umm, yeah right. I still owe him too right next to propane guy and the florist and all will be paid eventually. It's the new me, you know. I stopped by a gallery on Court square yesterday and visited with the owners asking about terms and whatnot. One I've known all my life and the other is a local that I had never met. Like I told my friend Jayyyroe, I'm ready for something different 'cuz the day job is killing me.

Don't worry~Be happy

Sunday, January 25, 2015

the hallelujah chorus

That is what I am silently singing today after hooking my mama up with her new best friend who loves to read and is a United Methodist to boot. Plus she knows old people and appreciates that they just want someone to listen and care. Lest ye think that home care delivery is fractured, let me point out that the provider that serves them has provided excellent service via Regional Home Care. Lori and I have worked together for years serving the sick and elderly in our local cluster of "call centers." She is in good enough physical shape to help Mom and has the training. I'm down with that, if you know what I mean. Daddy called after passing her in the door to see if I'm off next Sunday. I did so miss my cheesy hashbrowns today but got the garbage hauled.

I was in a firebug kind of mood yesterday and all the fields are wet and planted in wheat so it seemed the perfect time to burn off the asparagus half the yard like in old times. I know from experience it will stop when it hits the asphalt. BG got all scared that I would burn the house down and hooked up the water hose which was still running this morning. I did mess with the gods a bit and burned some books that have been riding under my seat for a year thus the spread of said grass fire. It was fun watching it burn out from my bed with dogs and stuff to keep warm. Kind of a redneck pyrotechnic display.

Speaking of which, you know how we all have those recurring dreams that start in childhood or just kind of stick with you until they become reality? If not, just bear with me. I dreamed a lot of times that I was taking a bath in a porcelain tub as the log cabin burned around me but I wasn't scared. Another favorite was about the Lee place where there was an ancient long gone barn and an imaginary house that I dreamed had three stories of treasure just waiting to be picked. There were gilt edged china pieces stacked willy nilly wrapped in vintage 1940s faded pieces of cloth. I remember climbing to the third floor after much effort and catching a view of the Forked Deer river that runs just beside. There was a big levee there at the time, but I'm no so sure now. Time has passed and dreams have faded.

The Bizzle family was rooted out here as well as Gerald Brandon and the entire Son Johnson clan. Mr. Quinn had strawberry fields that people would drive for and I can guarantee you that back then it was organic and labor intensive. Manual's house sat back next to the river right off Samaria Bend and history tells about a bar back there named Cotton's. Well, actually a bootlegger's place, truth be told. My ex husband's father was killed there, as a matter of fact. Back when I was writing a "book" instead of a blog, I did a fictional piece about that den of sin hidden in a cotton patch.

Boogs is here and about to nap with Toy Story and TT. Not sure what's on my agenda except for turning up the heat a bit. Keep the faith~

Saturday, January 24, 2015

throw zoie to the train

I finally managed to find the first 2 discs of House of Cards Season 2 at Hastings, for rent. Of course I had already gotten a spoiler alert about how Zoie met her horrific end but it was still powerful. Especially seeing how the rest of them started running around scared! Frank Underwood is not one to cross, if you know what I mean. And this morning I see a really talented and sweet Kevin Spacey playing the harmonica along with Billy Joel on "Piano Man." Who knew? Dude plays Underwood to.the.hilt. and I see him as the usual in Congress therefore, I give up. Nah..not really. I just know what's up and that unless a whole helluva lot more people than me stand up, it's useless. Or it's Obama's fault, depending whichever side of the fence you live on.

My youngest brother and I have a kind of cosmic connection where we can text across the miles and catch up now and then by phone when the kids are asleep or occupied. I caught him early this morning and we chatted for an hour about everything ranging from tea tree oil to home schooling. He got an earful of Daddy when Mom was trying to have a conversation with him the other night which we all know happens on a regular basis when she gets on the phone and BLESS HER HEART that's the only escape she has from the 24/7 news he's got blaring. *sigh* I gave up on that one awhile ago when they passed on the options. So that is how Lori has come to be the Sunday go to girl. Tony has Daddy tomorrow so I reckon us three girls will become acquainted and learn the ropes. I predict she will fall totally in love with the log cabin like everybody else does at first sight.

Flu season has backed off a bit thank goodness but that doesn't mean we quit testing for it...oh NO! I'm just thrilled to have two days off in a row even if it is cold. Maybe I'll get the house clean and laundry done if I'm not tempted with warm weather to play in the dirt. Or not. Time will tell, as they say. My tax return is filed and if the IRS doesn't get greedy I may have some left to pay off the loan shark and Cadi. I have already paid in interest the amount that I borrowed on it plus some but I refuse to let it go down that way. That car is a masterpiece of American autmotive history and will make some owner very happy if they have the time and $$ to keep it running.'s gotten BG around for a couple of years and that's a miracle. It had to have two tires last week, by the way. We're still unsure if Chester got to Ryder but time will tell on that as well. I certainly am not in the mood to birth more puppies but at least I know how this time around. When Faith had her litter there were not many alive and we watched one little handicapped baby die trying to move around on a gimp leg. This was probably due to Faith's ripe old age of 10 having her first kids. Lerd.

I didn't watch the SOTU but have heard many good things about what a comedian our POTUS is when he's got the camera. Personally, I think it was a perfect response to the asshats who showed disrespect. That is not what my country stands for y'all. As for Chris Kyle? It is well documented that he was a liar so don't get all up in the air about the movie not depicting truth. My army mom friend explained it all to me because she read the book. It's all the judgement calling that pisses me off. It's a freakin MOVIE people.

Gotta' get busy piddling because this too, shall pass.