Thursday, June 30, 2016


So, today was another good one in that there was no ISIS attack but there was the news about that crazy gun nut mom who didn't like for her little girls to sleep around with black guys.  So she murdered both of them while her husband tried to save them.  Sadly, it's not just in Texas that this happens. HOWEVER  their gun laws make it a bit more possible.  Just saying.

Here in the great state of Tennessee we are denying healthcare coverage to hundred of thousands because the Republicans won't accept Medicaid.  As a healthcare provider, I can tell you that's why so many hospitals are closing.  Healthcare is the number one industry in our state with many giants headquartered at NashVegas.  For the leaders of our state to be so short sighted in the light of our poverty level is absurd.  

We have more washer problems *sigh* but Kevin is on it and I have a couple of new towels from the gentral because everything here is dirty and in the floor.  Right now the only sound is of Lily the bitchcat lapping up water.  I think they all got sick after they munched on that rabbit.  

The brief cool spell was awesome and I noticed Mia out on the four wheeler when I got home.  It's like living in Mayberry man!!  The tiger lilies are in full bloom which reminds me of when we took Nelson, me and Annie Laura, to the home in Lake county for his Alzheimer's.  Long widowed and large in stature, he's the one who tended the BBQ pits out back on previous Independence day celebrations.  His wife Margaret babysat for us back in the day and made the most to die for chocolate pie.  

Seeing as how I'm getting all holistic, I ordered a natural relaxant containing valerian root and I like it.  My right knee normally hurts all night with turning and that didn't happen last night.  New shoes would probably solve the whole thing.  She who is 60 years old wearing year old Nikes will suffer mightily.  

Holla back.  

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

tiff's corner

Some of you may remember Tiffany's tragic death at the intersection of Samaria Bend and Highway 51 business.  She weighed about 90 pounds soaking wet and when she hit the ditch the airbags just smacked the life out of her.  Her family and friends were numb and established a little memorial right there where her tire marks stayed in the mud all winter.  There was a ceramic angel whose wings got broken and I picked her up out of the mud more than one time.  Today when I made the turn her sister Jennifer was there pulling weeds and straightening up.  We chatted for a minute and she told me that a lot of people keep her memory alive in that spot.  Often when I'm on the 412 I see little crosses in remembrance of someone who died there.  It makes me wonder who they were.

There's a clump of Queen Ann's lace playing hide and seek on the lane and I keep looking for it driving real slow so I can dig it up before it gets mowed.  Little things like that show me that I'm coming up out of the hole slowly.  Three hundred sixty five days ago at midnight I got the call from my frantic mother that Daddy had asked to ambulance transport due to severe abdominal pain.  I spent the night in ER with him and clocked in at six as usual.  Except that was the beginning of the end of life as we knew it.  

He had a strangulated hernia with small bowel involvement which is bad enough in and of itself.  Once they got pain meds in him, it got free.  The surgery to repair that turned into something nobody expected which was an infected repair including mesh on the opposite side.  Oh.My.Lord.  They did what they could surgically and sent him to the rehab with a wound vac planning on  surgery at a later date.  He spent his last birthday there and had a little party with the staff and mom and BG.  As usual, I bricked for some reason or another.  A week or so later I noticed he was not in very good shape so here we went back to the hospital for another surgery....this time a big one.  

The infected mesh had perforated his colon and that was discovered by a very astute nurse   post-op.   It took HOURS to fix the mess adding anesthesia to some just a few weeks prior.  He didn't stand a chance against the breathing problems and infection to come.  After a week in ICCU with our personal angels, the decision was made to move to hospice care.   The last time I saw him alive he was struggling to talk through the mask and told me he wanted to die.  That's all it took.  He was out after that, and not struggling or in pain.  Two days later he died peacefully at the sawmill.  

We tricked Mama into thinking she was there when it happened which was quite important to her personally so no harm done.  Our network called and went into motion and all went as planned.  His funeral was at the church that he loved and where he stubbornly climbed the steps to the choir loft even when he would fall out and get caught by somebody close by.  These very same church folk called me four months later to say that Mama actually did fall because her hip broke.  Lerd.

My extensive experience with the eldercare system should be of some value but it's not becuase most of it is about the money instead of enhancing life.  So is everything else, but that's beside the point.   I have no apology to give to my Democratic friends who see a vote for Bernie as a vote for Trump.  I don't care for either one of them and will vote my principles.   They'll never miss me and I can bitch because I voted!!!

Carry on ~

Tuesday, June 28, 2016


I was out and about at the gentral this morning when Lorna called and left a message that she's on an idea roll.  She and I are similar in many ways and we have saved the world ten times over by phone and message over the years.  Her son is a local businessman who is about to put a quite progressive business in place right smack in the corner of town where things are looking up.  That would be "down by the river" so to speak.  Coworking is all about space sharing, networking and dreaming with a purpose.  I'm in and so is she.

I ran into Tripp's pop pop at the gentral and he caught me up on all things Kimo.  She and her mother could sell a refrigerator to a polar bear, just saying.  Kimo slings pools for her Dad's family business and Kim works for the local paper.  Tripp is 8 and a baseball all star.  Kimowasi is one of the girls who has been a part of my kid group since day one.

Mamye is on the way over for a visit since I'm off for the day.  I love it when folks come here instead of me having to get out!  Another old friend is coming by later to pick up a stained glass piece he lusted after two years ago during the first big sale.  It's the only large piece I ever made and it's been in a lot of different homes over the years.  KY cousin helped me construct it in her building on a Newbern corner.  That's where Jimbo worked before her.

Being organized with a purpose is really about being free.  If your life stuff is in order and you keep moving forward God will take care of the rest.

Peace out ~

Monday, June 27, 2016

weather and whatnot

It's monsoon day once again and the entire western part of Tennessee us covered with it.  If the NEW modem gets fried I'll just take it as a sign that I'm not supposed to have one.  The storms were not forecast to start until about now but there was a pile of rain ahead of the thunder and lightning and green looking sky.  My bigass window is the perfect place to see the show from this hill.  Even the corn can't block out the sky!!

I am already so separated from today that I didn't have a clue who the guy was who just called me from a Memphis number.  It was the dude who works on our pneumatic tube system and I had left him a message but we figured the whole thing out the hard way by the time he got free.  Learning curve, no doubt.  I got soaked walking to my car and then froze on the way home but I'm off tomorrow so I'll take it.  

I keep looking for last summer's snake to float down the driveway yet totems come around in different forms.  Last night at dusk I was sitting on the porch in my free company chair and noticed a flash of bright red settling in the flower bed beside me.  "Hey daddy!" I said.  He comes to me that way often and I never fail to recognize it.  The man loved his birds and always had houses for every local species.  He was particularly fond of purple martins.

I don't know, nor do I care, how the whole Brexit thing is going to work out.  We have our own fish to fry here and things need a bit of attention.  I did notice our company stock dropped out but so did everything else including the pound.  As Doris would say "It's just a big old gol' darn mess."So this is the part where we become willing to turn out lives over to a higher power.  Doesn't matter who or what it is as long as we understand it's not our circus except for showing up and making wise decisions.   That includes a whole lot of self care.

Let go ~

Sunday, June 26, 2016

she who sleeps with dogs

Will find ticks in the oddest places.  I am constantly running my hands over skin and head just to be sure.  Today I  pulled one off my head.  They're all little bitty and don't bother us unless it comes a rain.  I should probably start using Seven dust for hairspray.  I'm sitting here in a rather reflective mood in wonder at how my mental state suffers without the opportunity to connect with others on my issues.  I's there I'm just always working.  I have visitors often now which is a good thing.  That has been the motivation to get the house clean.  BG will freakin' die when she sees how neat it is.  Well,,,,,,,not neat just yet.  But a helluva' lot better!!

I went to Gigi's ex-pool yesterday to visit with she and Gena.  Bear came by to check on us and it was obvious that she still has some unpacking to do but it looks like home.  A 30 minute soak in bleach never hurt anybody.  I didn't last long because I'm still not in shape for much sun and it was hot as hades.  My friend Bobby Dean was supposed to come by and I was about to go to bed when he showed up with a couple of friends so we shot the shit awhile.  Needless to say I was a bit sleepy at the sawmill today.  I heard a bunch of shooting so either there was a shootout with the law or those guys shot their guns in the driveway.  Yeah...after we hads THAT conversation.  Heh.

I have a prediction to make if Trump gets elected which is looking less and less possible by the day.  He will, of course, declare that we are separate as well and proceed to destroy what's left of our economy.  He will piss off China and Mexico royally and undo all diplomatic relational good that has been accomplished.  China will call in the debt and put the NOK army on us and there you go.  WWIII.   Meanwhile, a wall is being built which would serve to keep people from entering our country from the South.  If that's what you want to do, fine.  Start on X day and put an immigration process in place that is doable.  Leave alon ( please.dear.god.) all those who have fled the violence of those countries and found work as illegals raising families and slinging guacamole.  I mean that with all my heart.  It has been common practice forever to make it hard to become a citizen so you might as well just work on a visa and send your money back home.  It's ridiculous.  Europe is where the big immigration problem is and going all Brexit isn't going to help that.

I have come to believe that a power higher than myself will restore me to sanity if only I let it happen in God's time.

Saturday, June 25, 2016


The new modem came yesterday and right off the bat I discovered that I had thrown away the phone cord not realizing I still had to have it.  HOWEVER no more bright yellow Ethernet cable snaking around and a lot fewer cords to trip over.  I'm now totally mobile as long as there's wifi available where I go.  Which is most everywhere these days!!  The lady at the ATT store told me I didn't need the pricier "hot spot" since most of what I do is at home.  I thought that was nice of her because I'm an easy target when it comes to services and their use to me personally.  It's a learning curve and I'm a few years behind.  I do know you can't use your phone for a hot spot for very long unless you have a very large data package, which I do.  Since BG has been off her phone the usage has plummeted. 

I was really looking forward to sleeping in but noooooo.  Lily started with her crap about six so it was useless to try.  I had to wait for the 'gentral to open to get garbage bags and phone line so I stopped by the busy gas station next door for breakfast where the usual group of men hunkered over a table discussing life.  One of them is our constable and even has his own car.  He served me with a warrant one time from Capitol One. That was my one and only time to be served and I immediately called my friend Mark and asked him to meet me in court which he did.  This is the very same guy who served as a pallbearer for both of my parents.  What a good friend.  There was a beautiful red vintage car on a trailer outside the store and everybody who came in asked about it.  Dude was sitting there in the huddle and said he was taking it to the shop to work on it.....whenever he got motivated.  Heh.

The corn is full blown now, obscuring my view of most everything.  I see all kinds of critters coming in and out of the rows from my vantage point on the potty.  Yesterday I thought there was a chicken which made me think that one of Beverly's girls got loose but she said they were put up so I don't know where this bird came from.  The raccoons are everywhere and tear open any bag of garbage around plus the sack of thistle seed.  I'm an animal lover but those guys and possums give me the creeps.  And of course, Mr. Snake.

I have so much to be thankful for.  The family that I have left is true blue and always there for me.  Our little tribe has been through so much loss together recently and we are still grieving.  Sometimes little memories surface of my parents that bring tears, but more often than not I share stories with others who remember them fondly and can laugh along with me.  Annie and I were discussing Mama's non-compliance with wakeup time at the home and how mad it made her when they tried to get her up at 6:30.  This woman never even thought about getting up before 10 until she left the cabin.  They finally struck a truce with she dining on Bubba's weekly groceries in the comfort of her own room. 

One of my "kids" is coming by for a visit today, a guy who was a fixture around here back in the day.  His family is long gone from the burg but he still comes around now and then to see old friends.   The house is somewhat presentable now even though you have to find your own chair for the "round table" that's really oblong.  ONE of these days, I'll have a living room/office worthy of visitors.  Maybe by Christmas, ya think?

Creativity ~

Friday, June 24, 2016


I reached out to a co-worker today for an EDO which means a mental health day.  Lord willing that will be tomorrow.  I did a different job today that requires a lot of patient contact and actually enjoyed it until my feet got tired from running for two hours. I know, I'm getting old!  Nothing like cross training to ensure job security.  Well, I can think of a few exceptions and my friend Liz is one of them.  Employee of the year is shopping for health insurance post job elimination.  The EMR has been a mandate for some time now and the old school method of waiting for doctors to come in and sign off on charts is over.  All of it is done electronically now, which isn't a bad thing at all.  Much more efficient. 

Lily is trolling a table and knocking shit off because I'm otherwise occupied and have only fed her twice since I got home.  Plus she's mad because BG is gone.  Surely we can manage a home visit soon.  If not she's liable to pull the blinds down.  She sleeps with the dogs on occasion now which is new.  I'll wander through and find one or three of them stretched out for a nap on Lauren's bed. 

My life coaches are staying in touch with positive vibes and that's always good to have the warriors in your posse.  I'm not real sure what the whole global economic crash is about so there's no opinion there except to say that Wall Street is the devil.  How many times do we bail these asshats out and allow the little people to lose everything they have invested?  I feel sure the royals will do right by Britain. 

BG and I talk in snippets as rules allow.  She is content with life yet seems restless for the next chapter.  Girl....I know the feeling.  I think part of my funk has been letting go of the familiar routine that was established while I still had responsibility for my parents.  It was chaotic and tiring and filled with moments that I will remember forever.  Like the time I ran over Daddy's foot at the funeral home.  UCMTSU.  Right Dewey?

My friends Rachel and Dycus floated the Forked Deer from Roellen down toward the farmer's market last weekend. It was opening day for the market and I remembered the time that John Ruskey came to show them the way and the trash lining our mighty little river.  He camped out in  my front yard following a practice run with Jim Stark.  That was before downtown Dyersburg was a thing, dontcha' know?  He told me Pecan Lane reminded him of France.  His cave got flooded this year which has never happened on that scale since he's been in the biz.  There are outposts now at Helena and other points along the Big Muddy.  Sounds like a movement to me.  His dugout canoe carried lots of locals along the water that serves our county. 

That's all for now.  Leaving room for the spirit to work.

Thursday, June 23, 2016


As days go, I didn't get nearly enough things marked off my list but I did have lunch with a lovely rep from Jackson's Lifeline Blood Services.  I got 40cents gas off at Bubba's plae and headed toward Tim Castellaw Ford/Toyota where I was lazily greeted by a 19 year old.  My situation is, as we all know, complicated and my attorney has made it clear that the trustee won't even listen to me unless there are numbers in front of him.  The end. Dealers don't like to deal with all this because it's a hassle but Liz says it happens all the time.  Therefore I felt not much obligation to tarry there and went straight to Deere law.  Now I understand.  My credit score is decent and I have a steady job.  What's the freakin' problem.  Of course the other shoe could drop just any day.

Brandi and I talked about Joe's coming retirement and how he and Patti got here from there which was Saudi Arabia at some royal hospital blood bank.  We shook our heads and brainstormed over the low donation totals at the Dyersburg Electric monthly drive.  What used to bring in over a hundred units has turned into 20.  Both of my parents served the local volunteer program for years and Daddy was the one who put the sign out every week plus gave 8 gallons of O neg..  I've attended a kazillion drives and donor banquets where those who took the time to give were honored by their hometown board. That's what's up y'all.

I also visited my friendly ATT rep who gave me the numbe for modem replacement.  Fo free!  It was only 6 months old.  As for the Dell we shall haul it to Chris and let them salvage the hard drive.  Maybe.  There's always Picasa and Facebook.  Keeping on the sunny side bitches.  Lorna and I talked at length about another to do list that I have posted for daily view.  Plus Didi turned me onto a daily meditation app from Hazelden.  I'm scared in many ways, but not nearly in the same way as before.  Now I turn to God and reach out to others when the pain gets to be too much.  I am carefully considering my options which are become more plentifulwhich is always a good thing.  I'm thinking today's message may be just that!

Don't stop believing ~ Steve Perry

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

where there's a will

It's been hot as blue blazes around here so the monsoon that hit yesterday was quite welcome.  As I cruised through southtown the first fat drops began to fall and it was a steady downpour by the time I pulled up to the home our mayor Mozella.  She was sitting under the carport watching it fall and greeted me with a big hug.  "Come on in baby" she said.  Her house is always dark to save on the electric but I know my way to the dining area which is where we do our business.  Her old friend nurse Sally used to give her b12 shots but I took over after she died.  She claims it puts pep in her 96 year old step. As we stood in the dark talking about BG the most ferocious clap of thunder shook the tiny house.  Also a Methodist, she looked heavenward and said "I guess we heard God huh?'  We did a selfie and I was on my way home for happy hour.

The rain got heavier and faster and the power flickered once but never went out.  It was then I discovered not only had the modem been fried but also the desktop.  I immediately sought advice on how to get around that issue and pulled out the laptop this afternoon with phone next to.  Problem solved for the moment.  While I was taking a blog break yesterday and feeling kind of antsy I realized that it is an addiction.  The peace that comes from weaving stories is something that I can't describe because seriously?  You can't make this shit up.

We live in an age where technology tells us ten years before what's going to happen and then everybody starts getting all freaked out when the climate goes berserk.  We have mass shootings on a weekly basis because assault style weapons are everywhere.  And still, they think Obama's gonna take their pistol.  Keep your single or double barrel.  Have fun with it.  Just please in the name of Big Ernie secure it.  Kids are everywhere. I have this idea for a new video game where the second amendment nuts chase each other with  AK15s.

It was time for the ancient Dell to die so that I can transition into a new way of communicating.  Without a modem, the land line goes.  I just bought that sucker for a hundred bucks too.  GEEZ.  My phones are, however, out of contract so they might want to keep me happy.  I need those big yellow keys that my mother used as she typed her last.  Annie and I talk often about what it's like to be blind.  She and Mom had that in common but their sweet spirits are so much alike it brings me tons of joy, plus she grew up with Daddy in Roellen.

Mozella asked if I had a picture of her father Son's house and I told her I'm sure it was there SOMEWHERE among Mom's meticulous recording of the history that was our home.  Old pictures.  Letters.  The woman was an organized hoarder, if that makes sense.  She strove all her life to overcome obesity and successfully did it finally.  But growing up, she manifested that pain in being Miss Everything.  That's one of the many ways we differed.

There is a messenger dinging every few minutes from the DHS Class of 1973.  People are leaving the group in droves.  Think it's going viral or something?  I'm sitting in the kitchen in a  yoga pose concentrating on a different keyboard and not really making that many mistakes.  Thank you Nancy Austin and Joey Patten for typing class. 

And I ramble on and on.  I'm getting used to the aloneness of being without a daily conversation with Lauren.  Other folks come out of the blue and check in just to make sure I'm not having a meltdown.  I am still quite humble and in awe of the way that God works in our lives even through tragedy.  I can honestly say that I've never really questioned my higher power once I understood the meaning of true love. Bad things happen to good people.....allowing lawmakers to fund that and be pompous about it is a crime.  Every good and even bad person who has died because of gun laws are dead because nobody has the balls to cut off the cash flow.  It's a huge business.  We've been sitting ducks for years just waiting for this moment.  Get.A.Grip. I'm off tomorrow and will car shop either online of in the cooler(er) of morning.  And that will be after I sleep without an alarm.  You soooo wish you were me.


Monday, June 20, 2016

things i miss

Some 20 years after debit became a thing, I'm almost paperless in t he finance department which is good because I'm not good at that sort of know keeping up with papers.  I suppose I've been spoiled by the age of computers to rely on them for everything.  Anywho, that's in the past.  All I have to do is be prudent and check the balance daily.  Plus, I'm working on the car situation so I can get the hell out of dodge when I need to.  A nice young man in Jackson is working on that for me and since it's a complicated order and 100 degrees I appreciate the effort.  I'm texting the hell out of him.

One of our many discussions today at the sawmill was about food deserts and how that impacts people, especially the elderly and poor.  Plus, it pisses me off too.  The closest grocery to my house is five miles thanks to the back to back floods that wiped out The Plaza.  That was everybody's daily stop heading south out of the 'burg.  He stayed open 'til 7 so not to worry if you were running late.  He cut the fresh meat for years and then his son Kenny jumped on board with it.  Folks would skip Kroger and head straight to the plaza for a good steak.  He stocked everybody's favorite beer and back then only six packs of Mich Ultra but he never ran out.   There were real live straw brooms and brillo pads and an entire cave devoted to soda pop. There was also a to die for restaurant on the highway by the same name.  When I was going there Mayfair Bailey was the proprietor.  They had real live piano playing on valentine's day!  It went from elegant to "in the style of food bar" to bikers and then karaoke.  Lerd, what a history.   My daddy's 70th birthday party was there because it was a hang out and drink coffee with the guys kind of place.  Shooting the shit, so to speak.

This time last year we were reeling from some fresh losses unaware that the worst was yet to come.  I'm glad I didn't because I would probably have run away to Fiji!  My soul is weary with all the bickering and trolling and downright meanness in this world.  This is where fantasy comes into play.  So what if I'm not a conspiracy theorist or a political minion.  There's one thing I've never been and that's a sheeple.  Yes Nazis..that's a word.  Google that bitch.

"Leave room for the spirit to work."   Billy Yates

Sunday, June 19, 2016

a father's day miracle

The highway was busy today probably with folks enjoying the cooler weather and headed to celebrations for  dear old Dad.  My mission was to spend quality time with my Babygirl and we did just that following a meeting and greeting.  Sharing stories is one of the most powerful ways in the world to let the bad things go. Anger, shame regret and remorse are nothing but soul killers.  It's important to verbalize it in a non-judging group and move forward.  I am amazed at the staff with Aspell Recovery and the transformation I've seen in lives....not just Lauren's.  We hit up Aldi and time was up because jeez you can't find anything up in there.  What I would give for a Publix.  Anyway, I quoted the late great Billy Yates on "leave room for the spirit to work" because it seemed timely.

The guy running the meeting along with Corky pointed out that the hardest work of the 12 steps is 1-3.   Unmanageable takes a long time to get to when you're co-dependent.  My faith in God made believing in a higher power pretty easy.  It was the letting go part I had trouble with.  There is nothing but peace in that state of mind yet we insist on taking back the drama of others to fix.  One of my favorite stories from Melody Beattie is about she and her son losing some kind of critter up in the house and them chasing it for days.  ferret maybe?  She was livid and finally just said fuck it.  And you know what?  The ferret came out eventually when they backed off.  

I don't know about ya'll but I love being happy and I'm that way more and more every day.  It's like all of those angst filled moments of gloom and doom are fading in the rearview and I can focus on me.  That is not a selfish thing at all.  It's called setting boundaries.  The time that I spend with my daughter now is quality.  Before, we were just partners in the same old same old.  Her soul is growing and so is her mind.  That's all I've ever wanted for her.  Well, except to be a basketball star.   I took her a picture of Noler and she gave me my mother's day presents.  It's hit and miss with us due to our work schedules and residence rules.  We hug deeply and cry often.  It's a good thing.

As I was leaving I had to turn around and backed the only untouched part of the Camry into a telephone pole outside the house.  I didn't even stop to look because it was hot and the car was running fine.  The car is worth maybe 1500 bucks and it's in a BK.  Anybody who has any advice on my car situation, please feel free to call or text.  But text messaging fees may apply.  I know!  What a smartass.  Being cocky is much different because that attitude shows that you think you've got the world by the tail.  Nobody does, y'all.

When we were cruising back toward her home, I noticed my former therapist's office and remembered him fondly.  That would be Rod of "here's the thing" fame.  He took one look and me and the kid and said...oh you don't enable right?  I made it all about work which was pretty much true.  EAP is an important benefit in times of family crisis.  Cindy still practices there I believe.

It is well....

Saturday, June 18, 2016

today's totem(s)

I was up and at it pretty early this morning so as to get the dolla' gentral run out of the way and gas up for Jackson tomorrow.   Some things you just can't get there and canned crab is one of them so I'm a gonna' have to go to Kroger before I can make those little cakes that Kim told us about.  Her son said it was the #2 best recipe ever with #1 being chicken spaghetti.  I was sitting on the potty this morning looking out toward the children in the corn and saw something hop around and into the green stalks.  His buddy, however, stayed behind and munched in the yard.  I could see those big ears flopping in the breeze!

On the way home I noticed something that's not unusual but the response was.  As I cruised down the road two turkeys were picking through the wheat straw up close and personal.  Usually they run like the dickens when cars come by but these two let me sit and ogle them and even get a far away picture.  I reckon when the eating is that good everybody gets a little bit less skittish.  Beans will come next by the no-till ( thank the lord for no burning ) method.  There's another irrigation rig in the future so I'm feeling sure this is a class act. If only we could get rid of Monsanto *sigh*.

Meanwhile the farmer neighbors have the big garden, chickens and ducks and now a ROOSTER!  Beverly warned me the bird would take my dog's faces off and had already scared Mia to death.  I got flogged by one when I was a kid and have always been afraid of that shit.  For the first time in a week there's a nice breeze and it's well below a hundred.  I'll take that in a heartbeat.

 It was on the Saturday before Father's day last year that our lives took a drastic turn with the death of Pnoler.  Lauren was at work and got a call from his phone answering it  "Hey Daddy!".  Instead of her father's voice, it was someone telling her that he was dead.  They had made plans to meet for lunch in Jackson the next day.  Instead, he was being transported to Curry Funeral.  Fortunately I was off on Monday to help her with the arrangements.  It was the second time that month with KK's bunch.  I had to work the day of the service but it was timed so I could attend.  Lori brought Mama and Daddy and we all sat together as family in that pew and heard the words to Pnoler Stood by Butch Lamb.  Our friend Mamye had copies and passed them out.  Patti Lou and Anetta were comforting. in a spiritual sort of way.  PL told the story of how he had worked like a trojan with a whole county's worth of Girl Scout cookies.  "I love my wife" he told her.

BG and I find ourselves fatherless this year for the first time in our lives.  That's a bond that we share among many others.  We are both creative, she much more in an organizational way than myself.  I often call myself "the idea person" because I dream like a mofo but lack the skills to put hands and feet on an idea.  That's where co-working will be a great opportunity.  90 day plan in motion.  Our plan for tomorrow's visit is a trip to the Goodwill where she works and to Aldi.  That's about all the time we have, you know.  Oh..and Old Navy for dolla' flip flops.

Honor thy father ~

Friday, June 17, 2016


Some of you might remember the story of the guy from group who took off in a stranger's truck from an undisclosed location not knowing there was a dog in the back seat.  I thought that was probably the best one ever until I heard his earlier history.  Dude supported his crack habit for years by posing as a Wally World employee, complete with stolen smock and rolling electronics out the door to be sold for his habit.  Lerd.  I guess if I didn't have a job I'd do most anything and I never pass judgement when people share because I've done some pretty stupid shit in my time.  We all have.  Mental health is a pressing social issue that has been outsourced and privatized to where there is very little continuity of care and a lot of it involves heavy emphasis on pharmaceuticals and not much attention to talk therapy.

I saw this embroidered piece one time that said " you gotta' wanna" and that rings true for most everything in life.  If the desire to do something differently isn't there, it will never happen.  No amount of bitching and moaning can make it be so.  That's where the big girl panties come in handy.  My 90 day plan is about three days in and I'm having fun with it.  Thanks for the inspiration Lorna.  Today's grace was about a different direction in healthcare.  

Keep coming back ~

Thursday, June 16, 2016


My friend Vicki of Michigan, North Carolina and many other places used to be in a book club.  She shared pictures of everybody when they got together and it was always an event involving food and whatnot I feel sure.  The BCMA part is really "book club my ass" because they did discuss a book but it was mostly carousing of the great friend type if I know her.  We have never met yet we were a part of the team that also included Tisha to get Old Hoss around to meet his favorites.  And there are stories there, you know?

Delores shared a book with me on the ride to Jackson last week and had the part marked that she wanted to share.  It is a sermon delivered by the local Methodist minister in a small Minnesota town whose daughter has just been murdered.  I'm now reading the history of what led to that sermon on grace.  Ordinary Grace.  Not to be confused with Grace is Gone starring my liberal hot stuff famous boyfriend.  See?  I can make stuff up at the drop of a hat!  I ran into the parents of a co-worker and Mr.G is of the UMC still preaching.  They are precious people and Deb is a good PK.  Looks just like her mama.  BG told me recently that I'm looking more and more like Janice which is cool because she died pretty.

Another plane was found in the ocean weeks after an unexplained crash.  Think about the sheer magnitude of a recovery effort like that.  Meanwhile, Rome burns.  I am proud as a peacock over that filibuster and feel sure that the GOP is not ENTIRELY stupid because they're backing off of Trump.   At this point the Bernie v Hillary thing is looking more interesting by the day.   All the time I was sitting there thinking "omg we're screwed" Lorna's prediction came to a finale.  They are eating each other alive.

I can't remember when my life became unmanageable.  I mean, I'm an enabler from hell when my people are hurting and can't find their way out of the pain.  When I realized that their pain isn't mine to carry, life became a lot less stressful.  I've always known that there is a higher power watching over me....the problem is that I wouldn't turn it over.  Girl.  I'm too tired to do anything else.

BTW.  If anybody feels all humanitarian like, my friend in Tiptonville is buying Mom's refrigerator and we need to arrange transport.  She drives a Ford Escape so that's out of the question.  Her struggles are real and I hear the frustration in her voice when yet another hiccup happens.  She and others like Carol and Gay have been life coaches for me in the holistic areas of life.  We're plotting a little getaway to the salt caves of NashVegas over Labor day weekend...Heather and me and Lauren.  At least that's the dream.........

Powerless ~

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

'gators and ammo

As I type there is a DNC backed filibuster unfolding on the issue of gun control.  Most of us feel that firearms should be purchased, tracked and used appropriately for hunting and or sport.  Assault "type" weapons do not fit into that category unless you're crazy as bat shit and want to go out with a bang.  This man whose name escapes me not only called his friend but touched base with CNN so after he was dead there would be a media trail.  That's one sick mother of a narcissist.  Meanwhile all those people he murdered cowered together in fear making their own final phone calls to loved ones.  Just like on planes and from the World Trade Center and every other time terrorism became a thing.  Back in the day the killing was mostly over land rights and whatnot but this shit is absurd.  It's like people have snapped and said to hell with it and then the laws allow them to plot a killing spree and buy the supplies legally.

The way I see this latest event is that it is no more about LGBT targeting than Sandy Hook was about first graders.  Both attacks and the many others before and after, were random acts of violence in places where people felt safe.  When my daughter was at Dyersburg  State there was actually a hostage situation there which was before the Paducah shooting I think.  That was the beginning of a long string of tragedy involving stupid high school kids with gun totin' parents.  I don't care if you deer hunt, or shoot ducks or squirrels or whatever you like to eat.  To shoot for pure sport is just wrong.  Remember the rich dentist and the elephant?  Um. Yea.

My cousin is an honorable judge in Gibson county and a staunch UMC member like myself.  His sense of social justice is strong and he has these troll friends who come out of the woodwork wanting to argue over gun control.  Usually I ignore or unfollow but yesterday I took the bait and this dude was all over me in seconds flat.  Live and learn girl.  Live and learn.  So it looks like Disney is about to lost major money over  something that is an occupational hazard for them.  Having recently returned from the beach I can tell you that I didn't see any alligators at all but I wasn't on a lagoon.  The rules where I stayed were simple which meant beach patrol by day and on your own after 5.   The beach was well kept and clear of all chairs, umbrellas and trash and was scraped each morning.  My friend Mitzi went the week after when the storm blew through and she actually saw a surfer get killed when he hit a pier.  There were four that day.

All I can figure is that it's Big Ernie's way of scaring people into voting Rick Scott out of the governor's office.  This man has made millions drug testing the work force that gets paid minimum wage.  And corporate wonders why folks "don't want to work."  Half of BG's jobs have been at that level and it ain't pretty.   The gentrals' and big box folks have us all figured out.  We just want something convenient on the way home from, you guessed it.  Work!

My dream job would be a reasonable wage with reasonable working conditions for a 60 year old and enough time to pursue another career to ease into for retirement.  I'm not sure there is such a thing but I'll die trying to find it.

Peace out ~

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

dust in the wind

Well friends, the wheat cutting has begun downstream and it's a sight to behold.  I used to chase around with a badass Leica catching them in action but now I just use my phone.  I left the good one out in the rain one night last year and it hasn't worked since.  *sniff*  It was a gift to me from the guy who eventually gave us a freaking CAR to take mom and daddy to church in style.  It sits parked under the pine tree out front driverless and with radiator problems.  Plus the court owns it.

We had a post work staff meeting  so I had a couple of hours to kill and I went to downtown D'burg to see some folks.  It was very hot and I wasn't real thrilled not to be at home under the AC but I soldiered on through just about every office in the courthouse until I found what I needed.  I recognized the judge and clerk and master but other than that I was at the mercy of folks who didn't know me from Adam.  Luckily this sweet thang named Pam took it upon herself to call in a favor phone a friend who had the number we needed.  Thank you Dyer County government!  We almost never have high profile trials up in there and the last I attended was when my friend's son was charged with second degree murder.  It was standing room only, just saying.  But that?  Is history.

After that I cruised through Fairview to visit the grands and lo and behold it's been newly paved!!   Daddy's mini flag was waving in what little breeze there was.  There is no grass over their graves yet which means it hasn't been a full growing season since their passing.  Sometimes I would give anything to hear their voices again.  "Hey Jane!" Daddy would say.  Not much on words except when it came to sports and gardening, we found our happy place the year he gave up picking pecans in their yard and watched me do it until he got bored with it.  Then it was back to the TV.  Picking up pecans is pretty cold business considering the hard freezes around here don't come until December usually.

Kindness matters ~

Monday, June 13, 2016

walk this way

I was doing my official duties at the sawmill today and ran into a friend whose Mama is dying but doesn't qualify for in-house hospice coverage because, um.  I'm not sure.  What blows my mind about the whole end of life care thing is that by the time everybody gets on the same page and makes a decision, the rules change.  Hospital stays are pretty firm at 3 midnights per medicare unless there are complications.  That's when the transfer process begins where the elderly are shuffled from hospital to "rehab" to assisted living and back to the hospital for another round.  It's absurd and it's an industry that will care for you and me and all the other baby boomers out there.  I'm not worried though.  I've been paying forward before it was even a thing in the fast food line.  My hero, if there is one during my career, is a daring and caring physician who always puts things in God's hands and does his best.   I can't say that for a lot of them, by the way.  He cared for my mother enough to tell her that intervention was futile and the wheels started turning.  We were in the same SS class for years and his Lutheran self was all about the Bible study.  This man prays with the patient every time he performs a procedure.  It's a ministry that is sorely needed in today's healthcare landscape.  High five Jimbo.  You da' man.

BG and I had a ball driving a block down the street in the hundred degree weather and just sitting in the car chilling. Downtown Jackson on Sunday afternoon is a pretty calming situation even with the one way traffic thing.  I was once upon a time a delegate to the UMC Annual conference at the civic center.  This was right around the time Methodist Healthcare was all that and gay people were jumping from balconies at General.  And I was not amused.  My friend Donna Locke drove me back from the opening worship service and I think about that night every time I make the trip.  It is through her and many other faithful ones that I learned to believe in a power greater than myself.

The ( not so ) trusty Camry is still running but I'm looking for something road worthy.  Time to shop, bitch. Get a carfax and an affordable payment because you gotta' have wheels.  My lunch break today was spent at Kroger purchasing things like Murphy's oil soap and artisan bread.  Plus some Nutella.  It's amazing how much easier a day at the sawmill goes when you just get out of the chaos for a bit.   Wendy's has a killer one dolla' burger with cheese and water is free.

So, I was talking to Lorna a few minutes ago and lightning struck their trailer while we were chatting.  Everybody's okay but dayum...I could hear the aluminum pop!  She and the kids are okay so there's that to be thankful for.  It's so freakin' hot right now that anything is possible.  The more I reach out to others, the more peaceful I find myself to be.

That's what's up ~

Sunday, June 12, 2016

bullet points

Pecan Lane
Two days of 12 hours sleep is an amazing thing, yet even at that I'm wore ass out.  I'm thinking it's got to be the heat.  And maybe hauling that huge ass hutch up the steps yesterday!  I got treated to fried crappie last night and I'm telling you it was a miracle like Jesus would do.  This from the same folks who raise chickens, ducks, a huge garden AND manage to help me out when I need something.

There are no words and the ones who are using this tragedy for political agendas are shameful people.  That includes YOU mainstream media.  The truth is quite simple.  This man was on an FBI watch list and had been questioned twice plus his idiot daddy was running for prez of Afghanistan on Facebook.  What could possibly go wrong there?   Dude's daddy said he got upset over seeing two men kiss in Miami so he just slaughtered a bunch of people.  These folks  They have nothing to lose and believe that Allah will be pleased.  How did he get the guns?  They are the antithesis to a loving God which includes the one of Islam.

Aspell Recovery
BG is living in a residential addiction treatment center in nearby Jackson and today she got permission to "get out of the house" so to speak.  We drove just a short distance to an organic grocery store where I could spend 1000 bucks in 15 minutes.  The irony is that eating healthy food is expensive and so we eat on the cheap and suffer the health consequences from taking in the preservatives and hormones and other toxins.  She chose this option herself because she was pretty much at the end of the road.  I let her go with God and she has never looked better.  We hugged ( a lot ) and visited with the front porch litter of kittens.  There were kids everywhere.  Family day, no?  And then she hooked me up with some stuffed shells for dinner.   The recovery community here is amazing.

It continues with each day and prayer for guidance.  Bubba planted the flag on Daddy's side of the stone today so he's good for the 4th and Father's day.  I noticed on the highway that the fireworks tents are popping up.  My gratitude is for simple joys and sometimes tough lessons.  An outright LMFAO is also good therapy.  Hey.  You gotta' laugh.

Peace ~

Saturday, June 11, 2016

it takes a village

I don't have a truck and it's been kind of umm...busy lately so Mo offered to help me move my picks out of Casa Grands and up on the hill.  The air is off and we had a shitload of stuff to move so it was one big sweaty girl event.  She confessed that she lied to Mama at Christmas when she was asked if she used the china.  Hell it was still sitting there in the corner of an empty house.  We enjoyed crawling through and touching stuff but definitely had to have help with the china cabinet.  I just happen to have a mighty good neighbor whose wife will share him for the important things like boosting or hauling.  While Millette and I got it into the truck easily, up the steps at my house was tough.  It took all three of us!  It now sits proudly against the pastel wall of my dining room waiting to be cleaned and filled.  As blessings go, having these folks for neighbors is on the top of my list.  

My failing eyesight has prompted a switch to bold which is more than past due for a daily blogger. As many times as I have to go back and edit something it makes sense not to squint.  My friend Chris is an entrepreneur with a vision toward the future in terms of the work force of our future.  His focus is on ideas and sharing of resources by locals who have marketable talent.  He was the teacher of a program I attended called CoStarters and it was fabulous.  I see great things coming for that building located across from Pennington Seed and Supply also known as the flower crack dealer.  There used to be a cat that slept on the straw bales out front.  And of course, I have a pic somewhere.  

So, there's some crappie frying going on later and I'm sure I've already been invited so there's dinner.  For now, in the heat of the day, I'm drying off and getting cool.  And piddling of course.  The healing has begun and it's a blessing too.  I love everybody and you're next!

Gratitude ~

Friday, June 10, 2016

live and learn

Today was another meeting in preparation for Sunday's visit with BG.  It never ceases to amaze me the stories that people have and share.  I know enough about the streets to enjoy hearing them, if you know what I mean.  Today's was about a guy who took off in somebody's truck on a whim ( drug induced, of course ) not realizing there was a dog in the back until he heard the tags tinkling.  It took him about 45 minutes to get caught up with and the quick response was only because the truck owner was worried about his dog!  As always, anonymously spoken in true 12 step tradition explaining "how I got here."   And honestly, you just gotta' laugh to keep from crying.  Today was all guys and little old country girl me.

It's hot y' 98ish and no breeze.  The season is still young enough that it zaps me pretty quickly if I do more than go from one AC to another.  As the summer progresses, tolerance builds and it becomes less of a challenge to endure.  Hydration is a must, even when not very active like myself.  For those who work out in it, just God love you.  I wouldn't last ten minutes.

Vacation seems like it never happened except I know I wouldn't be able to go with the flow most days had I not had the week at the beach to escape reality.  For that one week, the world consisted of strangers on the sand.  I LOVE watching folks parade around with their earphones in ignoring the sound of the surf.  I mean..duh.  That's why you came!!!  I saw several tribes that were obviously girl trip entourages slinging stories as they walked by in designer swimwear and makeup.  Who wears makeup to the beach?  Not I.  Of course I don't wear it any other time either except to funerals.

The crowd that is my parents' friends is steady shrinking and lost a good one today in Harry Houston, also known as Red.  He worked for the CoOp for years and was a well known humorist on the local banquet circuit so he and Daddy had a lot in common.  His wife Ruth worked with, played bridge with and generally was a best friend with my Mom.  She died a number of years ago leaving Harry alone in that big old house where he puttered making bird houses and growing onions in a bathtub.  I remember one day going by to ask him about putting a new door on the bluebird house Daddy built when I moved here.  He was already at the home by the time Daddy passed and Mom moved there so they watched all of the UT games together during 2015, their last hurrah with the Vols.  Time marches on.

I'm not sure exactly when it was but I distinctly remember watching a snake swim down the driveway during a monsoon last year.  It was fascinating to watch, and helped me to be less phobic about the whole reptile thing.  As long as they don't get in my house, we're good.  When we went to clean out after Mom moved to the home we found a skin dangling off the living room curtain rod.  O.M.G.   I talked to Ms Faye the other day and it was good to remember.

Gotta go.  It's Friday and Sugardaddy is probably coming by to sweep me off my feet.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

come together

My deer totems are coming around again and this morning a big one disappeared into the wheat as I passed by.  The grain is golden and almost ready. Meanwhile the corn keeps on keepin' on and it boggles my mind to think it was so little just a few weeks ago.  There are huge snakes, I feel sure.  That's why you won't see me out taking pictures in it.  To hell with that!  I had fried squash again last night but this evening will be shrimp and cheese grits.  I splurged at the gentral' on the way home from you-know-where.  It was a busy and productive day all around.

I did not vote for Obama the first time around....why, I can't remember.  Thank God a lot of people did and he spent 8 years as our POTUS.  The first four were sketchy at best what with all that corporate bailout and cleaning up the war zone.  Meanwhile, that shit still rages against not just against the west but any poor Pakistani girl who dares to piss off her elders by marrying for love.  The newest ISIS prisoner went over there to fight the holy war and got shafted big time.  They are fucking nuts y'all!  Leave it alone.  I still think about poor Daniel Pearl and all them.  Nobody listened then either.

As part of my purging I'm giving people things that they've liked around here over the years.  When I left today I stopped by the ER to drop off some old Linda Ronstadt vinyl to her biggest fan ever Kevin who is also known as Cupcake.  I didn't have the ambulance code so I had to press the button and ask somebody to let me in.  Some chick at the desk grabbed them and said she would pass it on.  I love these work peeps.  Each and every one of us there truly cares about good patient outcomes.  I would lay my life on the line for most any of them as they have for me and mine.  Another piece of history will go to Doreen my ICU angel.  She was there through both parents' illnesses giving me hugs and understanding.  All of them did on every SINGLE unit.  There's your quality care.

I haven't read the details but I'm assuming that Bernie will ride into the sunset do the right thing whatever that is.  He always has in my book.  I had to snicker at the mention of EW as a potential VP candidate for the Dem ticket because really?  She's way too progressive and valuable in the Senate.  This woman will.not.quit. on the finance industry and that's a good thing.  I will say this about all of that and set it free.  Benghazi was bad and HRC was in the wrong place at the wrong time with intel or else she was busy.  Shit happens, y'all.  There were intelligence warnings all over the place because our "war on terror" had fanned the flames of sectarian violence to the point that anybody with western ties was a target.  A US embassy is all that rolled into one.   Not sure about the email thing but I'm certain it's not near as bad as what Trump has done in his lifetime.  Whitewater.  Lewinsky.  ACORN.  Let's just lay it all on the table bitches.

Violence and hatred breed off of each other much like yeast and flour.  I choose to walk away and take a kinder gentler approach to the rest of my life.  And, you know.

Let it go ~

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

talk to the hand

Following California's showing, the entire DNC has decided that Bernie is a non-contender and should just crowd share his support with Hillary.  I'm not saying that won't happen eventually, but it's far from over.  He lost by only a few percentage points.   However, we all know that doesn't mean squat because "superdelegates".  It's not even close to over yet kids.  I know you Dems mean well but there are enough of us who need to ponder on this a bit longer.  At least give us that instead of saying that being a BernieBro is like voting for Trump.  Let it play out.  Half the enjoyment is watching the whole historic thing unfold.

I went down to check out the neighbors' garden yesterday afternoon and found it to be looking all nuclear powered and green as can be with crops already bearing.  Me and Beverly and the 3 kids bent and picked and inspected a whole bunch of things.  I even saw a couple of green tomatoes!  Mia said they've already had some fried ones.  We filled me a basket and then headed back up to the yard where the ducks were pitched OUT of the wading pool and proceeded to quack amongst the chickens who are here there and  yonder.  The dogs chased them and it was a hoot.  After that, I fried up some yellow squash and fresh green onions and ate them hot out of the oil, just like my mama used to make.

Heather got me started on the natural soap thing while we were at the beach and I've become an avid fan.  Today's interesting convo was with a gal who suffers from debilitating fibromyalgia and thyroid dysfunction and she advised me on some herbals to help with yeast overgrowth which is a common culprit in chronic disease.  She can eat nothing but fruit, veggies and meat and takes a lot of natural kinds of things like probiotics and whatnot.  I've got a bottle that's been sitting dormant forever so it's time to get something new and give it a shot.  Inflammatory response by the body to stress can trigger symptoms as well.  And I mean I've had a bit of it you think?  No Lyrica.  Treat the problem instead of medicating it to make some pharmabro richer.  I saw two different drug reps wheeling in lunch and or free samples in my vicinity today.  It's disgusting.

Bubba came by with Sally yesterday to show me the marker Harvey bought for Daddy's grave and it's lovely.  It holds an American flag and is ready to plant as soon as our schedules allow.  He also shared that they house will probably move and that the tree guy is on a mission to clear out the tree line across the lane to improve the view.  This is so awesome that I can't even find words for it.  Who gets blessed enough to not only grow up on a piece of paradise like this, but to have it owned by someone who loves history and preservation.  We do, as it turns out.

As Joe the Camel says, it's hump day!  

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

daylilies and lightning bugs

Our June landscape is always dotted with orange groves of lilies for the couple of weeks that they last and it's a sight to behold.   Lightning bugs came out last week or so ago so it looks like we're headed straight to first day of summer.  The humidity is down and breeze up so it's right pleasant out at the moment.  Two of the three dogs stayed out while I was working and Sam just laid on my bed *resting* like an old dog.  He's probably ummm....9ish and my main man.  We are literally joined at the hip.

I had one of those aha moments today when I saw a guy's face and knew his last name immediately even though he's about 3rd generation Stanfield as in flowers out the wazoo.  And Christmas trees!  I've spent the grocery money there , at Pennington's and at Randy Burns place in Southtown on more than one occasion.  This year, I have not bought the first one.  Too much going on, ya know?

At this point last year we had begun the year long procession to Curry's beginning with Aunt Granny in early June who followed Ginner in January.  Then came Pnoler on Father's Day ( yeah, that sucked ) and on June 29th Daddy was admitted for what was to be his last trip from home.  He never got to go back to the farm.  I should have loaded his ornery ass up on his birthday and took him for a drive.  Woulda, coulda shoulda. Same thing for the Thanksgiving party at Mom's nursing home.  I was too tired to make the effort but BG and Kathy did just fine.  I remember on their 50th anniversary we had a party at Reelfoot and I ended up with a root canal that afternoon.  Missed that too!  I was there and present in the best way I could manage with what was being juggled.  Looking back, it is absurd that elders are transported to and from physician consults to move to the next place, whatever it is.  We believe that we will live forever, and some things medicine just can't fix.

Mama just gave up after Daddy died.  She grieved herself to death because had lived her entire life with and through him.   I ran into some old friends of theirs today and they brought that up to me.  Miss Delores sadly noted that there are only 7 of their original bunch left.  I remember all of them fondly for they had many good times with our family.  The McDivitt grandchildren are also a big part of our lives.  Rachel is my new most favorite writer in the whole world.  Addie and Jessie and Keller and Annie.  All the way back y'all.

BG starts a new job tomorrow and is upbeat.  Sunday is visit day and there's a pile in progress for the Jackson run.  My house is ( somewhat ) clean and the utility bill dropped a hundred bucks for the 3rd month in a row.  God is good....all the time.

Monday, June 6, 2016

this and that

Thank you sweet baby jeebus for a lovely weekend at the sawmill and a day off.  I've had quite a few visitors at the house lately which is nice because I do so hate to get out.  I think it's called agoraphobia or something.  Mostly I'm just lazy and enjoy piddling and not being on a schedule.  My piles are getting closer to organized and the purge continues.  Sale part II will commence later this summer whenever we get around to it.  I ran into my picker friend at the chicken store and he said to holla'.  He used to hang out there as a teenager along with a bunch of other guys.  It was during Bonanza time and they called my little brother Hop Sing and made him go get stuff.

I was all snuggled in to sleep late and the yard crew showed up at 8 so there you go.  There were three this time and it looks better with each trip.  I'm glad to have that connection  Ryan!  The one thing that has survived in my rotten straw bale is a lettuce plant and it surprised me by getting tall overnight.  I've never grown that type of thing.  Beverly has it plus a whole bunch more stuff and is slaving daily over it.  Mamye and Steve came by yesterday and he gave me the stainless steel peace sign I've been lusting after.  Took it right off his neck and put it on mine!  We talked about everybody we know and some that we don't know too well and it was good to share those memories.

My life coach has informed me that Benadryl is thought to cause early onset dementia which makes me really glad I don't use it much.  We're plotting to get me off the other pharmaceuticals slowly but surely and there aren't many.  The happy pill is the big one and involves careful withdrawal even though it's just an SRUI.  Those things are good for short term but wicked in the long run.  I've ordered two stained glass garden pieces from a blog friend and some handmade vegan soap.  Tell me I'm not serious about detox!

I noticed that Florida looks kind of wet for the next day or so so I'm glad we got our trip in when we did.  A third storm this early is supposed to be a "thing" in weather talk.  Mitzi is there so I'm hoping they dodge the worst of it in Destin.  Those folks need a good vacation as bad as I did!  They like go go go and shop so rain won't stop them.

It works if you work it ~

Saturday, June 4, 2016

building an ark

It just keeps on coming y'all.  Showers and monsoons and random little rumbles from the heavens telling us who is in charge.  Growing up on a farm I was acutely aware of how favorable weather conditions could make or break a crop.  This year has been exceptional in terms of heat and rainfall   and the corn is reaching upward accordingly.  Soon my friends, I will be hidden from view.  That's right around the time that the kudzu starts crossing the road.

Ryan does my yard and it has been a two year work in progress that I've enjoyed watching take shape.  His Daddy was one of my oldest buddies and sold me almost every appliance I ever purchased.  He's been gone now for over two years.  The last time I spent any quality time at the kudzu bar was at a BBQ benefit in his honor.  Gloria never let him stay very long like the other guys, but he loved every minute of hanging with them.  That sound you hear?  It's the slap of ivory dominoes on granite.

I'm glad I was at the beach during the gorilla escapade because geez.  Some people's kids!  I've known some pretty  dumb parents in my time but to think that inattention to your child long enough for said child to climb a fence happens?.  Don't get me started.  If you can't control them, don't take 'em out in public.  Same goes for the grocery store and dolla' gentral.  On the flip side, what are you gonna' do when some dumbass gets in a dangerous situation?   Tase him, or shoot him if he's young and black.

My moral outrage is about to come out full force over how ridiculously stupid sheeple can be, myself not excluded.  My parents raised me to believe that if you work hard, honor your family, God and country and use your talents, life will be good.  Their faith in God gave them that ability and they were faithful tithers to the end.  They were pillars in the community at church, work and as volunteers.  My father gave me the love of seasons, which is a true faith lesson.  "In the end there is beginning..."

Promise ~

Friday, June 3, 2016

power scrubs

I needed them today once again and they did not fail me.  It was performance improvement time for me once again and I scurried as fast as I could to get her done.  Only I'm too old to scurry much, you know?  The tasks at hand are not daunting unless multi tasking comes into play where you have to do ten things at once.  Nobody can write an SOP with that going on!  Fortunately I had time to do a few through dollar store glasses with papers here there and yon.  It's a process and I am organizationally impaired at best.  Maybe I'll learn some useful skills.

I killed the washer by putting pillows in it so here comes Kevin this afternoon to admonish me to never EVER do pillows or comforters because geez....I got a rebuilt washer last time for the price of a service call.  His kids are great and life is hard.  He gets about a quarter a year raise and so do I though we are in entirely different professions.
 Corporate has come and gone and I never saw him but there was lots of historical research done according to Bubba.  We had gone to the library some years ago to try and find this place on the original deed map and we had it picked just right according to other records.  This was when land was FREE y'all.  Imagine that.  Also discovered was the little nugget that my Pawpaw sold Harvey's dad some land in the early fifties.  I knew that he was the manager of the properties and that's how Daddy came on board with the Calcutt farm 62 years ago.  UCMTSU y'all.

The history here is sacred like that of any community.  Elders tell me daily about growing up out here when there was a school and South Dyersburg was thriving.  My parents told me it was known as Little Chicago for all the crime and whatnot associated with the river traffic near Main Street.  I have honest to god pictures of old churches sitting proudly on city corners that now have banks and parking lots.  But I regress.  In a million years I could not describe to you the pure excitement I felt when Ms Mary Crawford and Juanita came into my life.  What is now my dining room was the bedroom her little sister almost died in.  She told me how her Daddy just cried like a baby.   There were swans in a pond out back, she said.  And a chute for peonies to ride from the fields to the packing area in the basement.  The huge dairy barn was home to a custom chicken farm and I even have a copy of the  catalog * somewhere* along with Ed Wright's photo as a boy by the asparagus packing shed.  It sat right across the lane from Casa Poops.  Ms Mary was four years old when she moved here.  There was another peony farm on a ridge over by where the elementary school is now.  Peony Ridge, I believe.

More later ~

Thursday, June 2, 2016

ask and you will receive

A lot of times us co-dependents fail to reach out and touch someone when we need it most because we can "handle" things.  My friend Delores had mentioned to me on Sunday when the car died that she would have been glad to run me to Jackson for the visit with BG.  When I found myself back at the service station with a tire being patched pre-visit this morning I was not looking forward to the drive because....not so trusty Camry.  I came back home to cry kill time until the appointed hour and God told me it was past time to ask for help.  So, I called Didi#1 who was fresh out of yoga and agreed to take me because she's cool like that.  We are old friends with a lot in common including years at the FUMC.   We met Didi#2 at the Exxon station for an exchange of Kilzer vinyl and goat milk soap.  There was great karma and many blessings all over this day that could only come from above.   Over the drive and her lunch treat we traded stories and caught up on who's doing what as we know it.  It was a lovely escape from reality.
My visit with BG was loving, frank and what we both needed.  Since I was being driven I was much less tense than usual and even managed to find the place without GPS.  Our emotions must be on the same level because yesterday was a bad one emotionally for both of us as in feeling the grief full force that comes from keeping it on low burn for a year.  Her legacy now is to shine as a beacon of hope to others like her father did.  Daily she runs into folks who knew and loved him.  It's a God thing, pure and simple.  And just for today and every day...that's enough.


Wednesday, June 1, 2016

from a distance

That is one of my all time favorite songs,  especially Bette Midler.  "God is watching us!"  I try really hard to remember that in my daily dealings with folks even the ones I'm outdone with.  Jesus doesn't like an eye for an eye and all that retribution so there you go.  Just do unto others and it's all good.  But that's easier said than done, ya know?  One small task that I find myself with at the sawmill requires visits to patient units for clerical checks.  I'm actually enjoying that patient interaction with the ones who are truly afraid of being sick.. As I struggled for composure this morning and slipped on big girl panties I found a notice from Daddy's funeral in the drawer and it had pics of he and Mama so they spent the rest of the day in blood bank with me.  The shock has worn off and the grief is appropriate.  As BabySister would say "But honeh, your motha' just died."  Her Mister passed shortly after that and she's on the road to a new home herself.  Annie calls now and then and it's a nice easy check in with bullet points: Lauren, Janie and the world.

Hoother Marie just touched base from somewhere on the interstate system of NashVegas to let me know she survived the Duck River in a kayak.  I knew that because I saw a phone pic of her sleeping in a hammock!  Our trip last week is still fresh and making me want to go back when funds allow.  Corporate is due to arrive this evening and I'm still not ready but presentable.  Bubba came by and we caught up on corporate America and our recent vacations.   As it turns out, the flying house may not be such a far fetched idea.  The way those thunderheads are building the house might just fly on it's own tonight!  So far it's just heavy rain but the day is young and there might be a rainbow out there.