Wednesday, February 29, 2012

calm after the storm

We got lucky here in West TN today as the storm that killed many in the Midwest weakened and passed with mostly rain. The sun is out again now, with record temps forecast for tomorrow as well. Then on out! A twenty degree drop in this soupy mess is bound to stir up some trouble. Stay tuned for round two.

All has been going well with Faith and her four babies, well...actually TOO well considering the way our luck runs. BG called me with a sleepy voice this morning to report that 48 hours after she began labor on Monday, a seventh baby was born dead. More blood. Bless her little old heart ya'll. I have to respect the vet's office for not making easy money off of a section when we were clearly alarmed. We almost lost the runt too, but a lot of extra rubbing got him going and ready to feed. His name, since he made it, is Chance.

Per my usual life, the tire I've been airing up for six months every other day decided to give up the ghost between showers and my friend at work changed it for me. So far I owe him about a gallon of scotch for all the car work he's done for me on the spot. Dude knows his car stuff! As CEOs do, ours is leaving after a very successful tenure as our leader. I must say that I respect the man and his goals and he is one of my favorites ever. Good luck RP and family! Next month marks the 35th anniversary of my employment there and our interim is a guy who wasn't even born yet when I started. Do I feel old? Nah.

Here's a big shoutout to my friend Marfy who's going to be a Fanilow in St. Louis this weekend. She is a rabid fan and listens to him every night to go to sleep. The sound on my 'puter is jacked up for some reason where I can play CDs and whatnot but the audio channels like YouTube have no sound. Bummer.

Salsa sister sailed through the chest pain thing with no damage so she's good to go as soon as she's rested. FG and I were talking this morning about how vulnerable and uneasy she feels, and I totally understand. Being a part of management in a corporate world is always stressful and I wouldn't have the job. Just let me clock in and out like a peon so I can go home to my dogs. They are delighted to see me every time I drive up the gravel. Often, if they're out playing they'll meet me down the lane and escort me in.

Lily the *bitchcat* has improved her mood since I threw her ass out the back door for peeing on towels. After 24 hours, she was ready to play nice. If mama ain't happy, well. Ya'll know how that one goes.

Peace out ^j^

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

meanwhile, back on the lane

Faith's labor yesterday went well with BG in attendance as midwife. There were six pups of which four survived and they are tearing that s**t up with the milk. In my wildest dreams, I can't imagine being 63 in dog years and giving birth for the first time. That girl is one tired bitch! In true redneck fashion, I pushed the couch out the back door quickly where it still lies, waiting for the thunderstorms to soak it real good so that it won't burn until summer. Such is my life. At least the freezer is off the back porch.

I am really uneasy with this whole Israel v. Iran thing. These two countries could push a few buttons that would toast the earth and they are filled with hatred from the ancient biblical perspective. As for me and mine, I would prefer to be a peaceful soul who tries to do the right thing based on conscience rather than holy law. Never was much of a follower, as with most people who were teens in the Woodstock era. Every time I see a peace sign on some kid's shirt, I silently give 'em a high five.

The grands are fine, in their own little world at the homestead. God bless Ms Faye for hanging with them and making life a little easier for all of us. I called Mama to tell her about the puppies and told her we thought Daddy might want one. Not a wild eyed border collie like he's always had, but a nice little furry black pup to give him something to add to his schedule besides NCIS reruns. He used to love the sound of birds singing and watching things grow. Now it's all about the news.

I finally busted out and bought some allergy meds because, well. 'Tis the season and I'm weak. Talk about irony, though. As I was standing at the counter waiting for my license to be run (thankyouverymuch meth heads) a couple of lawncare guys went nuts with the weed killer out front at the strip mall and it was rather toxic for everyone involved. Probably agent green or something. I can still taste it!

There's got to be a better way, dont'cha think?


Saturday, February 25, 2012

charity begins in the heart

Yesterday was my last day in a long string so I was really in a pissy mood, if you know what I mean. Like " I'm gonna go out and eat a worm". Faith's labor turned out to be early so we're still on puppy watch trying our best to make sure the floor is her option. We gave up on the box thing and it's covered with clothes. I try to get home soon enough to kiss BG on the cheek or watch her curl that hair getting ready to pimp those brews and lottery! Anyway, I managed to catch the mail before I came into the house to find her in process. And there it was again. At first, I thought it was a paycheck from a little side job, but I opened it to find a card with sparkles on it and some very kind words from somebody who obviously knows me well. And more money. Propane it comes!!!

The first time it happened, I was in total shock. BG was unemployed for a long stretch and the roommate left so I was pretty strapped. I would see people that I owe in the grocery store and look away, telling myself "you gotta eat." Slowly but surely, with that one act of kindness my financial situation began to turn around. I have learned this past year that living on what you have is not only possible but a gift you give yourself. Not having the worry over losing electricity or TV is a luxury that many people don't enjoy. At least I have a good paying job that allows me to have a chance at that.

My salsa sister has been in the hospital for several days with chest pain and received a clean bill of health yesterday. Thanks Big Ernie! It's still cold and windy here but the sun is out and there are flowers blooming every freakin' where. I even saw the first snake of the year coiled around a bush outside my bedroom window. I'm trying real hard not to remember that at night. Pride is still free range and loving it. The warmer weather has given the golfers a chance to be his buddies again and that's cool.

I don't know how to begin to say thank you to someone who cares enough to lift my spirits anonymously. All I can do is pay it forward, and my dear can be sure that will happen.

Keep the faith ^j^

Thursday, February 23, 2012

hard labor

Any woman who has ever given birth to a child or two will tell you it's something that is just totally an instinct with us females. Faith is in the throes of delivery panting and hee-heeing to beat the band. On Granny/Mo's couch, no less. And of course KY cousin is nowhere to be found. If I was a betting gal I'd say she's at the farmer's market. Planting time ya'll.

Pride is still roaming and loving every minute of this free range grass fest that is early spring '12. I haven't looked to see if I'm working on Easter when it may or may not snow but the birds always sing at sunrise on the corner of Main and McGaughey. There's a cross there too, and I spotted it today on my way home, draped with purple in anticipation of things to come. The playground is dedicated to the memory of my co-worker and friend Sonia. She and her hubs were living here with their two young children when the whole thing happened and she died instantly on highway 78. I think of her spirit every time I see those crepe myrtles bloom.
Her funeral was a spiritual marriage of ancient Egypt and modern day America, smoke included. Thank you to Cecil Kirk and Big Ernie for that.

I haven't given anything up for Lent yet and it's already one day ahead of me. Considering the looks of my dance card I'm gonna go with no men until the whole white shoes after Easter thing..except as "friends" of course. Sometimes, you just need somebody to listen to your story. A sponsor, if you will. There is a great burden of trust that goes along with a relationship like that. It means "I've got your back at all costs and sometimes you may be mad as hell at me!" I refuse to settle, and that's the lay of the land.


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

listen to the wind

A row of pine trees stands tall on the northwest edge of my yard, blocking the worst of the wintry blasts that come up over toward this old house. The window frames facing that direction are rotted from years of abusive weather, and the glass is dingy from years of not being opened and cleaned. They go up and down on pullies with ropes, I kid you not. The ten thousand dollar floors are mostly clean if not spotless, and the laundry is caught up. Junior came for a visit with BG today and he's a walking tornado but all in all, it's not too bad. Trust me, I've seen MUCH worse.

That leaves me with more time to sit and listen to the end of winter blowing through those pines, bringing spring and new life. I can hear frogs most anytime of the day now and that is another reassurance that this winter-to-be-thankful-for is almost over. Sure, there may be snow on Easter, but it'll be gone by noon. As a child, I always got a new dress to wear to church and sometimes hats and purses to match. Ya'll would just die to see the outfits we dressed up in for our unhappy sibling portraits. We were loved, and cute and didn't have a care in the world.

I had a brainstorm for a product the other day and have enlisted a friend to help with the woodworking part of the deal. I would more than likely shoot my eye out with a power saw plus use a few fingers. Mechanical, I am not. I think I'm a tough enough woman just because I can boost off a car and put air in a tire, umkay? My poor ex used to say I was the roughest bitch on a lawnmower he had ever seen! And of course everybody's a sorry man that won't keep his wife in a good one.

The days are longer which makes a big difference in mood, particularly when the sun is out. Vitamin D babayy! We're still on maternity watch with Faith and she's pantin' a whole lot so bless her heart, and ours too. I think it's kinda cool that we will be her midwives together after adopting her all those years ago straight out of a ditch at Miss Rhonda's. That was before her ex had Big Mama picked up and killed, but that's a whole 'nother story.


Monday, February 20, 2012

throw me some beads!

Here we are right smack in the middle of carnival and I haven't even had time to make a king cake or anything. I did see some pics of my ethereal friend's visit to Louisiana where there were trees literally draped with jewels. Sounds like fun, but I'd probably wear out after an hour or so. This old girl doesn't go like she used to. I've always been more of an Ash Wednesday kind of person, taking the time in silence to remember the reason for this season. The first time I ever saw someone who had been "ashed" I didn't have a clue what it was all about. Now, it is a ritual that I cherish.

The sun is setting over the backwater giving the ridge a nice glow from where I sit. Down below and beyond is where the wildlife frolics and doesn't have to worry much about hunters because they're few and far between and we keep it that way. People drive out from town to just get a look at the turkeys that wander around the Forked Deer river. We have great homeland security, so nobody ever bothers us. My daddy used to chase rednecks on four wheelers just for fun!

The sawmill was still there when I arrived at 6AM, eager to save lives determined to grin and bear it through an extra long day. I snagged some boxes and newspapers for Faith's delivery bed but so far she's just hanging out on the couch. Which is probably where it will start, with my luck. Right smack in the middle of BG's bed or mine. She's lucky this ain't my first rodeo.

BG's work is getting a facelift and I stopped by on the way back to see how it was going. Very impressive, knowing as I do the history of that establishment and how it was the devil's den. Her bosses are great people and she gets to visit with everybody who stops by on the way to here or there.

For the first time in a very LONG time, I am at peace with myself and the world. I'm not sure what all that testing was about for the past two or ten years. That doesn't mean that it won't all to hell in a handbasket five minutes from now, but I feel calmer and more able to not freak out. I mean, once you've lived for so long, nothing much surprises you.

Peace out ya'll ^j^

Sunday, February 19, 2012

burning questions

I actually bought a newspaper today because we're on puppy watch and have to get the maternity bed ready. KY cousin says that she'll know what to do if we provide backup and support. I must say, nothing much bothers us in that department. I've slept through a cat having kittens on MY bed while I was in it asleep. Never even heard a meow! She is sacked out in BG's room by the heater, both of them snoozing. The boys are on my bed having a nap. The sun is out and a cold north wind is blowing. And, believe it or not, there are people playing golf right on the other side of our free range horse. I totally could not make all that up.

It's a three day weekend for some people and I have never really understood what honoring our forefathers has to do with selling cars and electronics, particularly when so many of them are made by outsourced labor that could be giving folks some work to do here. From where I sit now, I can honestly say that the unionization of American workers, particularly in the automotive business, has been bad for average Joe. That's why that went the way it did. The bailouts were a chance for them to regroup and try something different. Dirty Mike is about the only one selling anything good and that's just because he's so dayum cute.
So, how the hell did Lorne Michaels get O'Reilly up in there? That was just about the funniest thing I've ever seen. Dude was speechless.

And so it goes. Happy president's day ya'll...most especially to my schoolteacher friends like Marti Ann. I'll wear some beads in all of our honors tomorrow to celebrate the lustful ways that are carnival.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

spontaneous magic

Got a sticker to prove it ya'll! It was kind of bittersweet in that I was running errands and saw that the place was open so we can vote on Saturday and all. My friend is the new runner of the whole thing and I must say I was impressed. She told me about sending ballots by mail to my parents and that they seemed satisfied with that. My one vote was a very weak attempt to say hell no to Santorum and all that conservative chat that my parents voted for. Lest we not forget, my fav was a senator from Texas who delivered babies and did pap smears for about fifty years before he started speaking out on the state of our union. Considering that state's proximity to the Mexican border, I'd say he probably knows what he's talking about. The "war on drugs" will never be won until we focus on something other than punishment. It keeps a lot of people in a paycheck, just saying.

I noticed while I was in town that perfectly good concrete was being ripped up and replaced with new stuff to pad the pockets of local contractors, via grant money. The period lighting will be next so that we can see our way around the downtown 'burg at night. Not that anybody's there but the cops and fire department. All the activity is up north of here where the big ass highway leads to hamburger row. I kid you not, there is an extension of Lake road right up to the front door of what used to be Colonial Rubber. There's been a merger or two since all that.

The book is still unwritten and I just can't focus long enough to get that done. There's some kind of mystery illness going around that attacks the upper respiratory system with a vengeance and the old lymph nodes are swollen so there ya' go. Faith is getting ready to make a nest and deliver these puppies so we've got to round up a big box and some newspapers. Or paper towels, whatever works. KY cuzin says not to hover and I'm all about that. If she needs me, I'm there. Otherwise she's on her own mission.

True confessions: I watched Whitney's funeral and loved the choir. The girls were fanning even before Al Sharpton got there, late as usual. I was particularly touched by KC's mutual church memories. Everybody starts believing somewhere and it is a parent's responsibility to do that, not that of the government. Church and state....separation. See the original document.


Friday, February 17, 2012

one step forward

The mega-giant corporation that holds the note on BG's car has stopped trying to scare us into not losing a 2005 Neon with almost 200K miles on it that got her through a hefty commute to Martin for that social work degree. She owes less than what it would cost to pick the thing up and haul it to an auction so they've left us alone until we got the opportunity to "make a payment" after months of robocalls. Oddly enough, the calls stopped about a month ago and since then the IRS gave us back some tax dollars to make said payment. We also have bulk sizes of dog and cat food and plenty of beer and snacks. Life is good on the lane, in spite of the dreary weather. I heard there's more snow on the way. The one earlier this week was a non-event so bring it on.

I met a little boy this morning who turned out to be the bright spot of my week. At nine months old, he is the apple of his Mimi's eye and smiles without provocation at everybody he sees. Mimi and I work together and she just about lost her faith when her son went off to the army as a search and rescue team member. Scary shit, ya'll. You have to step carefully to recover wounded comrades all the while trying to dodge IEDs and sniper fire yourself. My friend's son and his partner were on a mission one day and for some unknown reason switched positions. His partner was killed and he lived to help bury him in back home in Virginia. The young wife was pregnant at the time. They helped each other through the loss and pregnancy, and came out as a couple on the other side, married recently. Now she is pregnant again and they're having a little R&R while Mimi carries R to visit everybody she knows here! I'm glad I hadn't spent much time in micro at that point in the day because I hugged that little boy like he was my own. Happy shit!


Thursday, February 16, 2012

mush for brains

The farmer in me doesn't take well to extended periods of freezing and or hot as hell weather of which we have plenty around here. Following mother nature's two week spring tease, we've been back in the gray tunnel again for three days. Today was warm enough to walk the yard once just to see what's up. Not much, but no damage either. Mrs. Council, the former lady of this house, planted lots of clusters of things everywhere and I've added to them over the years. It's always a cool treat to brush back the leaves and see that new part of the growth cycle.

Okay. In my best Gilda Radner voice I must ask "What's all this I hear about the flag flying half-staff in Houston?" For the record, that part I could have lived without. To me as an American it is reserved for government and military enlistees, with an occasional freedom fighter thrown in. This overkill has got people really riled up and I understand why. I just don't have the energy to waste on something I can't even begin to fix. It is what it is. Tomorrow the sun will come up and many more of our veterans will return to fight the fights that cannot be won because the battles are thousands of years old and we weren't included in that deal. To every veteran of every conflict that has served our country, I stand and salute. The disability rate among current returning vets is astronomical because of the sheer terror of the field that was theirs. My friend Michelle didn't sleep the entire year her son was in the sand.

So that being said, I've gotta share that I do think Whitney is one of the greatest talents of our time. Because she was an addict doesn't change that just cut short a life that had a lot left in it. She chose not to go forward. Her decision. Seeing her downfall, and that of Michael Jackson and a lot of others, is not really the kind of "role model" a lot of parents want their kids to have. But then again, it is a good life lesson in the value of facing your demons and working through the pain. Just a thought.

By some great karmic twist, my favorite series is being replayed episode by episode IN ORDER, no less. Even better the second time around! Then of course there's Chelsea and her fools. I was laughing so hard yesterday BG kicked me out of her room!!

Ladies night. Ya'll shake a leg ^j^

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

the greatest of these

Today is hibernate and play spa day on the lane, a gift to myself on this day of love. I have found that doing things like that on a regular basis as an act of self love give me more energy to love others, some of whom are downright unlovable. Since I rarely stay up long enough to see live shows, it's a chance to catch up with the Botwins and Chelsea while cleaning house and whatnot. Meanwhile, thousands of florists are working 24/7 to prove that love is still alive.

As long as I can remember, my mother has made her iced sugar cookies for us on V-day. Shaped like a heart made with real butter and vanilla, they are better than ten pounds of chocolate. Miss Faye made some yesterday, cut out in precise heart shapes and iced in pink sugar and my daddy just delivered them on his gator right to my front door. His next stop was at the mayor's house so that Mozella can have some sweets for the sweet too. I'm so glad he still has transportation and I didn't have to get out of my jammies to pick them up!

I'm not really sure what love is. Like many people who "think too much" I try to meet folks where they are and form a relationship based on the present rather than the past. I believe in love as a verb, requiring commitment and fidelity and trust. When any of those are missing? It just doesn't work out. Love is patient and kind and sometimes gets pissed off as hell because people won't listen to reason or face their demons. But when they don't, I'm not an active participant anymore because above all I need the truth. That I was given this by the last person that I loved is bittersweet but also very appreciated. No need in wasting time on something that's not gonna work out. It takes two, they say.

I love my family, which includes all three dogs, the cat and the horse who roams wherever and whenever he pleases. I love music and would be in serious trouble if I didn't have that to feed my soul. I suppose I must love writing since I do it every day, even though sometimes it's just me working out the issues du jour. I love spirituality and I am struggling to find middle ground for my Christian loving soul to make peace with "the church." From what I see of them at this point with their lobbying power and such, it's a stretch. Separation of church and state. It was quite clear when written by our forefathers.

I remember listening to the chatter about the money changing of my mother church back when I was beginning to become involved in the political process that is UM. Shocked and horrified as people jumped from bleachers at conventions to get attention for their cause, I witnessed my own home church out a perfectly nice gentleman from our pews because he was gay. Each district has regular meetings at which multiple laws and out-laws are passed, but in the end it usually comes down to the apportionment of the parishioner's dollar. I still love the concept of a warming of the soul that John Wesley felt at some friend's share session in England centuries ago. The quad goes like this: reason, tradition, experience and the word. In no particular order, ya'll.

Iced sugar cookie hearts for everybody!

Monday, February 13, 2012

it takes a village

Tomorrow marks the 58th anniversary of the day that my parents were married, on Valentine's day. He was home from the air force and looked sharp in his dress uniform. Mom's gown was a fine one and it was a big todo up on College hill. I was born over a year later and we began our life here on the farm. First daddy tried to farm it himself but soon learned that the small farmer with limited cash flow just can't make it. He had grown up as a sharecropper's son and did his share of that sort of labor. As Big Ernie would arrange things, my maternal grandfather was managing the property and handed it over to him to run for the owners who live far away. Thus began his dual lifetime jobs as farmer and USDA plant protection specialist. You can't raise kids on a farm manager's check either!

There were two more after me, both boys. We grew up with a mom who was quite literally a 50/50 mix of Betty Crocker and Martha Stewart. She made everything fun, especially holidays. KY cousin mentioned that daddy was always late for Christmas breakfast because he was pulling calves. The three of us kids worked odd jobs to earn a little spending money, but never had to worry about a thing otherwise. Each of us came away from that raising with a different perspective on life love and the pursuit of happiness. I see my daddy's impatience in both of my brothers. One of them begrudgingly acknowledges that fact and the other denies it like crazy. I adore both of them and am extremely glad that I didn't catch either one of them when I was trying to kill them as brats.

Since my parents don't drive, we do the running for things like gifts and groceries and such. I had already picked up daddy's gift from mom and snuck it in under my coat this morning when I picked HIM up to buy for her. She always gets chocolate truffles and a card. They remembered Miss Faye as well! She truly is their valentine these days, in more ways than one. It was hilarious all the hoorah we went through to get these simple things accomplished. Daddy laid his "surprise" smooth on the counter in front of mom, knowing that she knew what it was even though she can't see. Some things never change.

Happy anniversary mom and daddy! Thank you for all that you have been and for who I am because of you. You done good.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

remember the good times

I go to bed so early that I totally missed the news about Whitney Houston until this morning. I was astonished to see the long winded angry responses by people who, rather than admire her talent, focused on the substance abuse thing and used it to pitch their conservative kick ass attitude toward drug use in general. Not that I'm defending anything other than what mother nature allows us to harvest "naturally", but I totally understand that the core of abuse and addiction in any situation is an underlying discomfort with self and is usually shame based. I'm channeling my inner Botwin here so bear with it.

Jerry Sandusky raped boys in the shower stall of a major university sports complex and continues to sit on his front porch "watching the kids play" at the elementary school. If he had been any other poor schmuck, he'd have been UNDER the jail way before now. I'm still sick with the thought that Josh Powell did what he did and got away with it by running away again...this time for good. I have to believe that he's in some separate dark cell while those little boys kiss their mama.

My point, I suppose, is this. Everyone has a story laced with pain and misery and the only way to get past it is to share it with somebody or more than one somebodies. I'm not real big on organized meetings as such, but they serve their purpose with those who need that and they save a lot of lives. Mostly they're court ordered repeat offenders who snarl and deny there's a problem. It is at this point, when law enforcement and courts are involved that you are at the mercy of the local political system. If you know them and they like your looks or your mama'n'daddy'n'them, it's all good. Otherwise, your best chance is to have a lawyer friend or a court appointed attorney who really cares about justice. Or both! The poor friend that I mentioned the other day had to pay her fees again, but at least the charges were dropped.

Typically late, BG took my car and debit card (OMG...gasp) and headed to Jackson to buy her bridesmaid dress for Anna and Stevie's special day. She's lost a few pounds and is looking good. Faith, on the other hand, is getting fatter by the day. Well, because. Um. She's nine years old and pregnant for the first time, by a beautiful red pit bull, no less! Oh, Lord. If there's one thing I need it's more mouths to feed. We're delighted, and will give her the space and support she needs, bless her heart. You can bet there will be pictures.


Saturday, February 11, 2012

once upon a time

There was a period in life where I could not WAIT to get out there and do stuff besides work with, mostly, people that I worked with. We were young and energetic and were known to load up multiple cases of brew and tents for canoe or rafting trips. When you start drinking at 8am and can't swim, sometimes that's a problem. We almost lost my ex in the water one time...he was under the canoe and going down fast. There were lots of concerts and stuff...good times like people can have before they take the responsibility for kids. Contrast that mindset with my current one which sees it as a superb treat not to have to stop at all on the way home from the sawmill. It rarely happens, ya'll. That's the nice thing about having a weekday off. It gives you time to do stuff that normally is normally shoved in on the ride home and enjoy the moment.

My first stop of the day was for another damned Pap smear, like the 800th one I've had in five years. There was a leap and a lot of other painful yukky stuff but the virus persists that causes the abnormal smear. If only we had had Gardisil when I was a teenager. It is estimated that a huge percentage of the population is HPV positive and it sits dormant in women until the cervical cells begin to change their structure. When a smear is positive, the HPV is typed by strain and classified as a risk for invasive cancer. There is no cure, not even a hysterectomy removes the risk. I remember distinctly the day that my grumpy GYN mentioned that in our kids' lifetimes, cervical cancer could be a thing of the past. How freakin' amazing is that?

My friend Cynthia lost her mother following an exhausting transition from home to longterm care to hospital and back. She looked soooooo cute standing there at the funeral home all dressed in purple. As the treasurer and all around "keeper of the details" for our high school class, you can't hope to meet a nicer lady. Side note to said Class of '73: somebody better start organizing! Now that I have JT tickets the hunt is on for a nice getaway for that night. I don't do roadtrips much, and when I do it's better if I can just lay down and start in the morning. It will be hot as hades in mid-July but it's worth the sweat.

Today was oddly calm at the sawmill and we all kind of did our own things without a whole lot of phone answering or tube fetching. The alarm on that thing is so annoying when it drops, somebody ends up getting it just to shut the damn thing up. Our front line staff do a wonderful job of obtaining specimens and getting them to us quickly, something that is a joint effort by the lab and nursing. Emergency room patients need to be seen quickly and as of this year, are being monitored for turnaround time from presentation of a chest pain to reporting of a troponin result. It is a challenge that we are working on together with very little fuss, I must say. Bravo for teamwork ya'll :)

We have the usual frequent fliers like all places do but they're mostly harmless and get weeded out in triage if they are drug seekers. Here's a funny for you. The previously mentioned grumpy guy I visited yesterday said no when I asked for a little nerve pill to help with my slowly coming apart at the seams self. "Too much abuse, and I'm not getting into that. See your medical doctor." Okay, first of all: I've been your patient for 20 years and have NEVER asked for anything stronger than a prozac. I mean, shit. If I could afford to be doctor hopping, I'd hop my happy ass right out of here. Just saying.

Anyway, it's cold as a witch's tit with a brisk wind as well. Thank God (and the propane guy) for that little bit of gas in the tank.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

social media

With apologies and kudos to MZUCK, he didn't invent the venue of internet communication. When he was still in primary school, I was tapping away to people in Yahoo! chatrooms and learned the hard way what a bot is. There went THAT. My sister-in-law the reporterette suggested that I blog. So did Count Zubrovka, the benefactor of my fancy ass camera and several other gifts. A more personal way of communicating, it turned into a "movement" as Arlo would say, and there were lots of people following other people and reading their thoughts. Authoring a weblog is extremely good therapy and a great way to meet cool people from every part of the world. Just watch out for those Nigerian con men. Learned that one the hard way too.

My sista' friend Tammy B has been hunkered down at a pediatric hospital with her critically ill grandson. We stay in touch via FB and phone because for a year or so, I was a part of their family. I've decided to let go of the resentment toward her sibling and my ex-roomie because it's just not worth the time and trouble to be mad. I took the treatment that was dished out, so it's just as much my fault. When he told me he wanted me to meet his new girlfriend I about choked. Men are not really bright when it comes to that kinda stuff. I hope she's higher maintenance that I was and gets him to let go of some of that money he hoards. Mad? Nah. Now that the last of his stuff is ashes in the driveway, new beginnings are possible.

It's seasonal here again, but I'm not complaining. The IRS eagle shit yesterday and I've allowed us the luxury of burning a dab of propane to knock off the chill. One of the things on my to-do list is the budget for this windfall return of my money that was used interest free all year to support the political process. Tomorrow is pap smear day, something that has been a regular happening for the past four years since it went abnormal. Following a cone and several negatives, it's looking iffy again. Sounds like hysterectomy time to this old girl.

I picked Mama up at hair today and she was sporting a black and blue forehead covered with bandages, courtesy of her latest fall. As I knelt to see after the wound and count pills, she mentioned that she should have made the same moves that I did when putting the plug in the wall. Instead, she bent over and there she went. Big Ernie is surely watching over all of us ^j^

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

moving on

Right about the time Rascal Flatts released that song, I began to see my time here on the farm and literally on this planet as a finite thing that was being wasted miserably by waiting for the right time to be happy. There were so many ifs and buts in my mind justifying my stuck-in-the-mud persona that I had them numbered. I had been single for several years and had done the usual looking in bars for a man thing with very dismal luck in the romance department. Made a lot of great friends though! It's good to know people in ALL places when traveling through life. My friends and I pulled several good ones during those years one or two of which included injuries and a cab and a half.

At that point I began to sort through my history and heirlooms carefully and get rid of anything that doesn't have emotional sentiment attached. The mountains of cardboard that I have burned from the attic and basement probably sent smoke signals high enough to see from Newbern. There is something therapeutic about that to me...a sort of cleansing of the karma associated with past hurts. BG and I have both had ceremonial burnings of hand-written notes and letters that needed to just be dust.

Now I find myself clearing out the floor space and moving furniture to where it can be shoved out easily when the time comes. I'm just being realistic because the economy here is sucking big time. Small towns are dropping like flies, and it's so sad to see itty bitty main street America go by the wayside in favor of more greed and corruption. Caring for my parents is the only thing keeping me local. Well, that and the view.

Per our usual luck, BG dropped her phone in a glass of iced tea on the way home from work and borrowed mine for an alarm this morning. Which would have been fine except I had to be at work at six and she thought I was off. Ooops. Guess who was late? And her poor boss had to walk to work! That little piece of technology is dead in the water. I walked into a freakin' cluster**ck after rushing to get to the sawmill. About two hours into it I was really wanting a happy pill.

But that? Is history. There are two not too busy days off in front of me and it's beer thirty. Leave a message at the beep.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

fire and rain

Since things are looking a bit better financially, I'm beginning to dream about doing something fun for a change. We're dying to see "One for the Money" and I noticed that James Taylor is coming to Mud Island in July. As in...the great and mighty JT ya'll! The venue is fantastic, and the last time I saw him there we sat in pouring rain and I still loved every minute. It did get kinda cold on the two hour drive home, though. My first time to experience the magic was in about ummm..76 or 77 at the Coliseum with a BF. His voice is so honey rich no matter what he's singing and the guitar is divine. His bands are expertly chosen to provide maximum musical joy for us groupies listeners. Soothing is good. Happy is even better. Tickets go on sale Friday and I sure hope the feds deposit when they said they would. I want to be in on the scramble.

It was a busy day at the sawmill for a change, and time went quickly. It's so annoying sometimes to get caught up in all the interdepartmental politics of the whole thing sometimes. That's why I would never consider being a manager...only a lead person. Kissing ass and being overly nice are not two of my most dominant qualities, if you know what I mean. Outgrew that one after therapy! Gloria Steinem was a big influence on my split personality at middle age as I tried to untangle being a good little southern girl from the beast within. That is when I learned the meaning of being assertive rather than aggressive. There's a big difference, and the amount of anger expressed is exponential. Assertive says" This is me, take it or leave it." Aggressive says " And you have to be like me too!!"

That troll of a little boy named Junior who visited the other day has an older sister, and now a baby one. Mimi the elder came to visit the lane yesterday and it was love at first sight when I saw her little face. Five years old and full to the brim with joy! Her hair is long and with streaks of reddish tones and huge eyes. I had time to kill this afternoon so I burned the trash right in the middle of the driveway (see: might be a redneck) with the horse in attendance somewhere. It's so funny how people ask me about him he's doing. He'll be in the book, if not the barn.


Monday, February 6, 2012

and your point is?

The people who wear me out most are the ones who go onandonandon about every little detail of their lives without taking a breath to inquire about the other folks present. If they're upbeat kinda people, it can be bearable but when they're whiners and blamers, forget it. Nothing will clear out a room full of laid back break time like a spoken list of every symptom ache and pain of the day. I mean really. If we cared, we would ask or comment, umkay? If you're THAT sick, it's obvious and we understand. Just sit there be miserable without taking the whole damn bunch with ya! Every workplace has characters that pretty much follow the script on NBC thursday night comedy so you might as well laugh. Wonder who would be Dwight where I work??

I was never a big Madonna fan when she was first a star, but over the years I've been impressed with her ability to stay young and perform like a rock star when the time calls for it. Last night's SB performance was out the roof, in my opinion. Awesome. And so what if what's her name shot everybody a bird. It's a JOKE people!! Get over it. I guarandamntee you that they'll see it at home before they see it on TV. If I'm lying I'm dying. Hey...I just made a new word!

Let nobody mistake my sense of humor as cruel or uncaring. I am slow to anger but fast to stand up when I see injustice to another living person or critter. Especially, kids and critters. Grown people should know better and they're not willing to fight the demons that must be slain to be a contented soul. That is their life, sad as it is. But children and animals are innocent and just want love and protection. Stability would be nice, but in today's world it's hard to come by. I love my daughter and am very proud of who she has become, but if I had it to do over again knowing what type of world we're handing her, I would have given it more thought.

My friend dropped off our Delmer shirts at the switchboard today, a custom designed baseball tee with his number on the back. His wife and I worked together for several years and they've had a terrible time since the house that eventually took his life. As a nurse, she is a constant comfort to their young son who is undergoing intensive burn treatment himself. God bless you and yours baby. Keep the faith, always.

Another young friend noted that yesterday was her twenty month birthday for sobriety. Yet another is organizing her wedding like Bridezilla on steroids. Meanwhile, BG is workin' 7days/wk at you know where and helping some other friends out with their kids. Old Pride is a kid magnet! My friend the Little General became grandma for the third time today and it's a boy. We're just hoping his mama and daddy will shorten his name ;) He weighted in at almost nine pounds and is healthy. Little miracles never cease to amaze me.


Sunday, February 5, 2012

in the toilet

The scenery around here is pretty barren during the winter with large stretches of brown and green lying dormant, preparing to burst forth with this year's crop. Normally the asparagus bed is burned some time between Thanksgiving and Christmas but I put it off because it was still too green. It finally got torched last week and this years spears should begin popping up within a month or two. I've been walking the yard every day taking advantage of the warmth to see what's coming out of the ground. I have been noticing something white in the brown the big ditch that drains the hill for several days and whizzed on by to my next chore. Today I spotted it and pulled over only to find a freakin' commode in the ditch. In pieces, no less. Some redneck hauled that puppy out here and dumped it right in the middle of paradise. I guess we're gonna have to install security cameras at the end of the lane to see who comes and goes in the hood.

Mom played hooky today so I got to visit with her while I counted pills and then went to fetch daddy for breakfast. Every.single.employee there asked where she was! They are a very fast efficient bunch, many of whom have the regulars' choices memorized. We also see the same people most every week or two...Katie Rose and her family. The principal from Lauderdale and his wife. Uncle Chris and his little clone of a son. The SS class. It is a ritual, and I will miss it when it's gone.

This has been a weekend of hibernation except for necessary chores like food gathering and church duty. BG is working for about her 30th day in a row and still gets up and goes. She knows in her heart that it's an opportunity to get herself out of debt and on the right track. Now if we can only do that with me! We haven't had a new piece of clothing in a year or so and it seemed like time since her one pair of pants had a big hole in the crotch. That, of course, wasn't in the budget. But sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Shoes are next for both of us.

As we all know, tomorrow is a national holiday, one which many people plan their vacation days around so they can stay up late and get drunk. As the wife of one of those men, I was always afraid to shut my eyes until he showed up at the house safe and sound, if drunk as a dog. He doesn't do that anymore, by the way. His current job is as an alcohol and drug counselor in a nearby town. And he's damn good at it. This dude went as far down low as you can go, and grabbed a'hold of the belief that it was out of his control and in Big Ernie's hands. His life was a map that it took me years to navigate, including the fact that he thought his birth mother was his sister. He found out the truth when he was a teenager.

We raised a beautiful daughter together who is a hybrid of the two of us, both good and bad. When she was born, the economy was booming and nobody had a care in the world. Now look at us. With Russia and China buddying up I'd say it's time for the good old USofA to pay attention and learn to negotiate wisely. I mean, we're badass and all, but.....My heart aches for those like the brave breast cancer video lady who have been suffering at the hands of fools. My friend Kay had colon cancer in her 40's and was fortunate enough to have a resection with no chemo. This was AFTER watching her mother die from the effects of same for lung cancer. She is one of the most faithful and hardworking members of a LOCAL organization that raises money for patient's needs in our immediate area. They work with local pharmacies and get the people what they need in spite of the cost. No administrative fees. No cute little blondes going around from town to town organizing events on their smart phones. Just local, caring folks doing the right thing. Awesome.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

pride's last chance

I was up at six thirty this morning on a day off with pouring rain. After it passed groceries were on the top of the list because we had NOTHING. According to the IRS and their providers, my money is due to hit next week sometime. That will pay this month's rent and a few other things. Shopping that early is actually pretty cool what with the lack of traffic and screaming kids. After I loaded up, I cruised on over to the fuel center to chat with my brother and pay the rent. Because of the rain, it was a light morning for him so we got caught up on the state of our union right there in the parking lot. So far, so good.

Pride's stubborn ways have him roaming from here to the golf course and back most every day. The catch will come when the crops get planted and he tromps a bunch of 'em. The little girl who comes to visit him has a mama with a boyfriend who said he'd take him and had a place if he doesn't behave after one shock. That's when the barn will go and all of that wood will go to frame pictures and such. I kind of like that circle unbroken idea of preserving history. Most hippies do that to a fault. My ex-roomate will probably be sorry that he won't be able to enjoy that unobstructed view of the front nine.

An added treat? Got to talk to my baby brother as well, frm all the way up in the north of the south. He had a lunch date with his daughter and we chatted while he drove. Just like back in the day, huh bro? During both of our intensive periods of self reflection we would talk while he shuttled breaking news stories from northwest TN to Mempho. We were both single then and searching for some kind of peace that we found in each other. Good times, ya'll.

All is well ^j^

Friday, February 3, 2012

mean people suck

I ran into my neighbor J Frank up at the store awhile ago and we caught up on his current struggle to get full disability. A few years older than me, he went to Vietnam and then ended back in Iraq when all hell broke loose. Now he's diabetic and his wife said he won't give up the sugar. Add the PTSD on there and you see a veteran who is asking his government to take care of him in his "golden years". Right now he gets only about 60%. One of my co-workers is married to a guy who did a tour in Iraq and they've been in turmoil ever since. Another friend and his wife divorced after they got back to the states because she was a gunner and came back a different woman. War is hell.

And of course all ya'll know that I've got to bitch to high heaven about the Komen foundation and them pulling the $$ from Planned Parenthood that has been granted for mammography in past years. Talk about a shitstorm! I can personally testify that if I had not gone to said evil PP as a college student, I probably would have been a young mother. Not because I needed an abortion. No, just the birth control from somebody that didn't know my parents. This entire thing has been turned into a right/wrong situation by extremists who believe that just because the organization provides abortion services that they're about nothing but killing babies. WRONG! I'd be curious to know which GOP candidate they're endorsing.
My distrust of big organizations includes charitable ones when there is obvious pandering going on. The sad thing is that Susan Komen is more than likely running that heavenly trail just as pissed as I am about the injustice.

Now, what else can I rant about? Not a thing. Peace out and have a wonderful weekend wherever you are ^j^

Thursday, February 2, 2012

blessed to the max

Growing up in a small southern town was a real trip for a hippie wanna-be like me. Two of the most awkward moments of my life were my decision(s) not to join the high school sorority of which my sweet mother was president back in the day. Trust me..we've got pictures. My poor mama drove me and a bunch of other barefoot rebels to the Coliseum in Memphis to see Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze and all that. BG is still mad because we haven't been to a concert together. Or seen One for the Money. She hooked us up with a lunch date next week for chinese with Ms. Faye. We are all in this thing together, bless our hearts.

Ya'll should see this gorgeous orange and blue smishsmash of a sunset from the hill. I may be a smartass and a rebel but I never take it for granted no matter where I am. When I'm already in jammies and listening to Willie and Norah I won't complain about the state of our union. Hat tip to Ruby, by the way.

TGIT ^j^

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

thank you for your payment

I have two consecutive monthly bills from my local utility provider, both of them adding a TVA surcharge in the vicinity of 45% tacked on to my very conservative usage of electricity. Some of you might remember that I bitched about mentioned this last month. Same song, second verse. Gawd, I love me some American corporate hos. It's what makes the world go round.

Since we're all mostly in a flood zone around the Mississippi and its' tributaries and the river gods have seen fit to wash all of the low ground, and a whole lotta high..I figure it's time to move closer to the beach. The very first time I visited Destin as a teenaged church camper, I managed to fry my happy ass to the third degree and spend the rest of the week on an air mattress under a tree with a jar of salve for the blisters.

Today was such a nice one that I spread out a blanket on the front porch and did my feet and hands, listening to the birds and frogs telling me that spring is on the way. My wiser self knows that there will be a few freezes and possibly snow on Easter, but this is primo weather to just sit there and enjoy the quiet normalcy of the whole thing that is my life. Rain is moving in and that's cool too.

No political commentary today ya'll because this shit is freaking ridiculous. Who the hell cares what your religion is when it comes to electing a president. Dubya was a member of my home church and we saw where that got us. Ass deep in war with extremists who will never give up their cause. I'm over it.

Don't look now, but the laundry is almost done and it's only hump day ^j^