rocket man

I was raised on NASA.  My parents were friends with a couple whose brother in law was Don Peterson and my mother actually accompanied them to a launch one time.  Even as a kid. that's what I said I wanted to be.  I watched in terror as the crew of some ship went up in flames on a practice launch.  There were others over the years...mishaps.  It always amazes me to see a successful launch and docking like yesterday and today.  How I ended up in a lab is beyond me but there went the astronaut dreams.  Hey...I was a kid.  I wrote letters to them and was generally eat up with it.  

The girls and Oscar and I went to parking lot church today and I was surprised at how long Reaves lasted before we had to pull out early.  That was only because Oscar snapped at her and she went to howling.  It's the first time we have been to church as a family and one I won't forget.  After that we ate mexicans and played.  She was exhausted because she was out late last night watching her daddy's car race.  These folks are SO creative with worship.  We are celebrating the birth of the church known as Pentecost.  I am a little teary today and I don't know if the flames touched me or I'm just scared and tired.  Probably both.  What better time for the Spirit to work.

Patrick is taking me to the surgeon tomorrow to discuss the reversal.  I was so out of it last time I couldn't be scared, but this time I am.  I have been there done that so to speak and know what's coming my way.  I don't feel really strong but then I'm in much better shape that the January incident.  

My spirit is sagging, literally and not just because of that.  Seeing the world go to hell in a handbasket makes me incredibly sad.  Knowing that our commander in chief is stirring the pot on a lot of the issues that are knocking us apart scares me.  I don't know what it's gonna' take y'all?  Thoughts and prayers.  That is not enough.  Doing the next right thing is faith in action.  As we continue to get smacked down, people are standing up and making friends with "the other side."  There is tolerance and empthy in the making and a whole lot of white nationalism and politics making it worse.  And y'all who are looting and destroying?  I don't care what race you are.  Stop it dammit!  I do believe a lot of is sincere and that's enough for me.  I remember Ferguson and all the chaos that followed.  In Jackson yesterday there was a peaceful protest yesterday and the police actually brought some water for the crowds.  That's the spirit kids.  Mayor Scott Conger was a name on a billboard to me for many months but I must say he has done a magnificent job of being a leader.  Also, shout out to Adrian Montague who serves on the city council in Lauren's district. 

Look ahead and not behind.  Establish a new normal for you and your family.  And always, keep the faith ^j^

midnight snack

During the night, I heard this god awful cat noise in the bathroom.  When I got up to check it out Lily had an almost dead mouse on the floor playing it to death.  I've seen what comes next and it ain't pretty and I shut the bedroom door so she couldn't come in there to do it.  This morning there wasn't a trace.  I know she's "helping" but it still creeps me out.  

My car registration is due Monday and usually the office is open on the Saturday before so I headed downtown to take care of that and they were closed.  Oh well.  Since I was in the neighborhood I went on down to Pennington's and got some more stuff for my raised bed.  The hip is still hurting but I soldiered through it and got it all in the dirt and watered in.  They are running the bush hog around the edges of the wheat getting ready to cut soon.  It's a beautiful sunny day with a slight breeze.  

A bird has built a nest right by my back door and startles me by flying out when I go outside.  So far no eggs, just lots of busy work.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly they can build.  Today's totem is a lizard which greeted me on the back steps.  That's where the frogs hang out too.  Probably Mr. Snake as well.  

The plan is for the girls and I to to parking lot Pentecost church in the morning.  May the Holy Spirit touch each of us with flames of love and faith ^j^

divided we fall

As a child of the flower power generation, I have witnessed a lot of civil unrest.  There have been times when I was ready to take to the streets myself and if I could walk any better, now is one of them.  Our country is ripped wide open and the tension, much of it racial, is being fed by a sitting president.  I was sickened by the murder of George Floyd and stunned by the arrests of the CNN crew covering the riots.  They were given no reason for the arrest....just handcuffed and drug away.  All of this was caught on camera by the crew as one by one they were taken in.  They went peacefully, knowing that they would be released, but why WHY did any of this happen to begin with?

As a nation we have been knocked to our knees by a pandemic only to be met with things so preventable and heinous as this.  The no tolerance mentality of extremists is taking over our culture and our government at an alarming rate.  This is a time when we need to come together not be driven apart.  I watched the response of the governor of Kentucky to protestors hanging an effigy of him right outside the window where he raises his kids.  Thankfully, they weren't there to see it but in this age of instant replay I'm sure they know what's up now.  Once again....why?  What is your point people?  I don't think there really is a point.  It's just an excuse for angry white folks to raise hell about their "rights."  Listen up y'all, from what I've seen the past few days everybody's rights are at stake here.  This is not what the founders of our country had in mind.  

No, this is evil at work....devil in the flesh and soul.  And the only way to combat evil is with good.  Love, forgive and move on.  As for me, I will walk the way of peace.  How about you?

off the beaten path

I woke up with the butt aches again even after sleeping on the heating pad.  Don't know if I strained it again but the left hip, she is aching.  I forced myself to get out because I was determined not to sit here all day in pain.  First I stopped by the church to get a Pentecost packet and then wandered on over to my cousin Mo's to check out her back yard.  She is like my mother, good at all things creative and an excellent cook.  I guess that comes from being named after her!  When we were talking yesterday I learned about a tidbit in their history that I didn't know.  She remembers sleeping in a tent at a campground when Jimbo was working on his Masters in Piano in Williamsburg.  They camped all the time and the first time I went to Big Springs was with that bunch.  We  walked her yard and stopped to chat about every little growing thing.  It was food for my soul.

I didn't want to go to Kroger but I was out of food so there I went to do the deed.  I was out of yogurt and that's a must have when Reaves is around.  I was astounded at how many empty shelves there are and how the prices have gone up, especially on beef.  A 2 lb pkg of ground chuck that I used to pay eight bucks for is now 20.  This is why I need to become as vegan as possible.  I love to cook but don't do it much because I don't have a dishwasher.  I remember back in the Youth Club days my friend Jimbo pitched a fit because we were washing dishes by hand.  As a doctor he was acutely aware of how things are transmitted.  It's not just about getting them clean, but also sanitary.  Oddly enough, I never questioned it even though I was a healthcare provider by trade.  Now, I do....and very much so.  

Lauren used to work at a little tea room called Southern Sisters and they had quite the business but no dishwasher.  Their solution was to wash first then dip in bleach water in the double sink.  Genius!  Only I don't have a double sink so I just dump it in with the Dawn or presoak with it.  Whatever works.

My old phone number will be history as of next week so if I haven't let you know the new one, holla.  We're all in this together and must stay in touch.  I saw my dear Lake county cuz at the grocery store and she could tell I was having trouble getting around.  I promised to keep them updated on my surgery.

As they say on John Boy and Billy: " Hey big man...lemme' hold a dollar"  Peace out.

video don't lie

I have watched two videos centering on the death of George Floyd, both of which really disturbed me.  Of course the one where he was literally smothered to death under the knee of a policeman using a move that the PD said was not approved was bad enough.  He was asking for his mama over and over again when they wouldn't listen to him.  Then, the protestors began their unarmed march, a racially mixed crowd outraged by the whole thing.  Somebody started throwing rocks and it was on complete with tear gas and rubber bullets.  Even with children in the crowd.  Disgusting.  

Was it because Floyd was black?  I don't know.  All I know is he was a human being suspected of a non-violent crime and he is dead due to excessive police force.  As for the protests, you never see that kind reaction to the long gun carrying protestors over the lockdown.  Of course they probably don't throw rocks except with their filthy mouths.  Sticks and stones so to speak.

I know personally a lot of police officers and most of them are good and honest people just trying to do their jobs which is mighty hard right now.  Heck everybody's job is hard right now because the world is turned freakin' upside down.  Those who have managed to hang onto what they had before shutdown are working reduced hours and under uncomfortable conditions like mask wearing, etc.  Everything about life has changed and not much in a good way.  The division in our country at this point is insane and is being fed by people who insist on being right.  Compromise?  What's that, they say.  It's what we elected you to do folks.  It's a two party system and if you don't reach across the aisle, you are part of the problem.  

Rant over.  I had to get a filling this morning and it took three shots to numb me.  As Ms Reba schooled me, it was a buccal.  The itching has commenced as the feeling tries to come back.  Our sanctuary is open for a few hours on Wednesdays so I dropped by there with mask intact to get a copy of The Upper Room.  It was odd being in the space of that sanctuary with so much time away.  Odd, but comforting. The building is still there but the work goes on outside the walls.  When we do go back it will be all social distanced and whatnot.  No passing of the peace except for jazz hands and waves.  

Life as we knew it.  It's pretty much gone but I think we're adapting pretty well for the most part.  We have a formidable enemy in COVID and failure to comply with public health recommendations is only going to make it worse.  Look for the spike because it's coming, hell it already has started in those states that were not very restrictive and opened early.  People are restless and forget that they are not invincible.  

It's time to start a Kroger list Friday when, hopefully, I get some bucks.  I try not to think ahead to three years from now when my LTD runs out.  Things will be mighty slim then living on SS only WITH Medicare payments coming out.  I never imagined it would be like that, but then again life throws you curve balls like bad shoulders and emergency colon surgery.  Soldier on I reckon.  It's that or lay down and die.

Y'all be happy and blessed.  Shine your flashlight on others as you would have them shine upon you.  And always keep the faith ^j^

context

Sometimes in this age of instant everything that includes social media and email, we forget that the reader may not take what we say for what we mean.  I am particularly guilty of that but have learned not to ever send an email  without sleeping on it first if it involves something serious.  After the yard was mowed yesterday there was a clump of grass left standing over Sam's grave and I had a flashback to finding him dead on my office floor.  I was still pitiful and recovering from surgery and my neighbor Gerald came up to bury him so I wouldn't have to deal with it because well....I couldn't.  It was cold and rainy and he insisted I get back in the house because I was still sick.  He is in his late 70's and I tearfully watched through the window as he laid Sammy to rest.  

Yesterday I made a post on FB that my dog died and I was still grieving only it didn't say WHICH dog.  I woke up this morning to dozens of sympathy notes from folks who thought I had lost another one of the pack.  I felt really really bad about that, though it showed how many people care about me.  I've been on the phone with Yaya and relived all that just minutes ago as I told her the story.  Grief has no timeline.

It's looking stormy again.  I was going to go for a walk this morning but noticed that corn spraying was going on and I don't like to be out in that mess breathing it, especially when the wind is up.  I'll just chill in here with the critters.  Ellie is the guard dog these days, sleeping outside at night and inside during the day.  Oscar just follows me around as I wander, and Lily will jump up in the chair with me just for a head rub.  The purring is great therapy.  So is listening to them snore.

Like everybody else I'm wondering what's next.  Who knows.  All I know is that it's out of my hands.  Remember who you are ^j^

the fallen

Each year many Americans enjoy a three day weekend that ends with Memorial Day.  Land of the free and home of the brave.  Many service men and women have lost their lives in battle to defend our rights and I am thankful for that.  As for the rights, I feel that they are being stripped away incessantly by the current right wing gang led by the notorious Trump who is currently golfing on one of his courses last I heard.  Oh, he might show up without a mask and shake a few hands somewhere but I can guarantee you he has no idea how many people in this country have been sacrificed, not only by war but by the pandemic.  I just saw a video of a pool packed full of partiers in Missouri and I can't believe that people are so foolish.  So much for social distancing. 

Now I know there are many who believe that their rights are being infringed upon by mask wearing and social distancing.  If you don't like it, don't do it but don't whine when you get the big C.  Talk to the hand.  I am curious to see the numbers, if they aren't manipulated, following this weekend and the grand re-opening of tourism.  I have read that some states are combining both positive COVID test results with the antibody test.  Anybody who understands science at all knows that these assays are like apples and oranges.  I went to the 'gentral today and saw not ONE person wearing a mask except for me.

I can hear the mower going outside as Mayberry's guy cuts circles in the grass.   It was kinda' tall due to all the rain but I'm not real picky about it.  As long as it's not too high so that I can't see Mr. Snake, I'm good.  He will probably get the buttercups which are properly dried.  I do love some yard folks who know their flowers.  

Meanwhile, life goes on for those that choose to live it fully one day at a time.  That is much easier said than done and having a grandchild has given me the opportunity to enjoy toddlerhood while not chasing my tail.  She adores her Gaga, BTW.  I admire Lauren's patience with her and feel bad that I didn't have that back in the day with her.  She is a good mama with a strong spirit and precious soul.

I noticed that the fireworks building is cranking up for July 4th.  I expect to be in the hospital around that time so maybe I can watch them from the window.  I've heard that Memphis really shows out with that stuff.

My hair is falling out which is kind of a normal post anesthesia event.  I remember when my mother's did that.  It comes back though.  Note to self:  double up on the collagen.  

Y'all have a good one and be blessed ^j^

meh

That's the way I feel today after waking up dizzy and nauseated.  The girls came and we spent quality time.  She always want to paint but doesn't get it that if you pour it all out it's gone.  Sorry hunny.  Gaga will get you more.  She poured copious amounts all over the pink jeep that Uncle Rick gave her so it's now a multi-colored hippie jeep.  That seems appropriate.

Church for me was online today.  It's humid as heck which means we went straight from spring to summer.  I don't do well with heat,  just saying.  It normally takes weeks for my body to adjust to the humidity and whatnot.  As we say in the South, it's not the heat it's the humidity!  

I'm trying to get used to my new phone and had to text somebody that I had called to find out what my number is.  Duh.  I've got most numbers transferred, the ones that matter anyways.  Since the contacts are stored on the old phone I'm assuming I can access them even after service is terminated.  I am so non tech savvy that Lauren had to put the cases I ordered on our phones.  Anything that only costs 8 bucks has got to be complicated but she figured it out.  Hers has a plexiglass cover but mine got broken in the process.  Oh well.  I'm not as hard on a phone as she is.  That tablet never did appear that rode off on her car a couple of weeks ago so she now has a mini tablet that has to be hot spotted.  Lerd. Whatever did we do without electronics.  Reaves and I rocked and watched Spiderman and all was well with the world for awhile.  Then the fatigue kicked in and she turned toward delerium.  We played ball with my therapy ball for a bit and she's a good pitcher but she catches like a girl.

Will's sermon today was about how Job got tired of all the bad stuff happening and got angry with God.  I certainly know that feeling.  You know like "why do bad things happen to good people."  They just do and it's a part of life.  Each bad thing leaves a scar on the soul that we carry with us to remind us that we don't need much.  In fact we need less.  Whatever we need will come as the spirit moves.  

I believe that with all my heart yet I still get frustrated and impatient....we all do.  Learning to let go and leave room for the spirit to work and realize that "this too shall pass" is a bold statement of faith.  The older we get the greater the losses are.  This pandemic has readjusted a lot of folks' priorities which is a good thing as a result of so much death and destruction.  Why do we need constant reminders of that?  Because we get cocky and proud and think we've got the world on a string.  That's a sure setup for a smack on the wall.

Y'all be sure and remember those who served and died so that we can be free.  And keep the faith ^j^

walk the way the wind blows

It is a beautiful windy day here on the hill so I set out for a walk with the dawgs.  It was obvious early on how out of shape I am from six weeks of hobbling around.  Add to that the loose gravel and I only made it halfway to the dairy barn before turning around.  It's a start.  We have lots of muddy puddles for Reaves to play in when they come tomorrow.  I have rarely been out of the house just because of quarantine but because I don't need much.  My penchant for Door Dash has finally caught up with me and that won't be in the budget.  I will instead dine on hummus and crab dip.  

The demand from POTUS that governors "open" churches sparked a lot of outrage from us folks who don't like to be sheep.  God's church is not in a particular building but in the community of faith that surrounds us.  I actually feel more connected to my own church family now than I have ever been because of the virtual outreach.  Forced by the COVID to avoid packing the pews, we stay in touch daily which is something that I rarely did before all this.  I was pretty much a show up on Sunday kind of gal.  

There was a thread going yesterday on my page about Trump's threat that included a question from my friend Jim.  "Did your parents try to make you go?"  he asked.  Of course you know they did and I am glad they did.  From the ten years that I left for college until Lauren was two, I never darkened the door.  Daddy reminded me then that the child should be raised up like I was and so it began.  All was well until she was in the sixth grade.  Her particular group of kids was exceptionally large, about 30 of them.  We had our first youth minister named Wade and everybody adored him and couldn't wait to become old enough to join his crowd.  

Wade left for seminary right before Lauren got old enough to be one of his flock.  He spent a lot of time prior to that setting up a parents' council and developing a meticulous plan for the youth program to continue until another one was hired.  For some unknown reason, the senior pastor decided not to share any of that with the hand picked council.  It was a huge blow and one that we never really recovered from in youth ministry until many years later.  There were others after Wade but he was like the Pied Piper when it came to the tweenagers.  I remember one of his replacements who cried on a regular basis while all the kids just stared at her.  

She did not want to go, and after all that I didn't make her but I continued attending and even taught those dreadful SS kids.  Many were disrespectful and rude yet a handful of them sincerely listened to my lessons.  Finally I had enough of it and gave them to God!  We now have not only a youth minister who is precious but a director of childrens ministry.  This is where our future is y'all.  Giving has fallen not just because of the pandemic but because the older crowd who faithfully tithed and were glad to do so, have mostly passed and are now saints.  Many of them were quite financially blessed and shared the wealth.  As they disappeared so did their healthy donations.  My parents were not among the wealth but they were faithful with what they did give, right up until the end.  

As a Christian I have always believed in serving since my funds are limited.  I sang in the choir and did whatever I could do to praise God.  Then life started getting complicated and I wasn't there anymore.  For about ten years I was in the wilderness.  I got a divorce, twice.  I had a hard headed twenty something that kept me on my toes.  I worked my ass off at a job where nobody appreciated my contribution to the team.  But ya' know?  That was on me.  I allowed myself to burn out from giving too much.  And I missed a lot of time with my young child because of it.  

There are things that I could have and should have done differently.  Coulda'shoulda'woulda'.  I am still astonished to find myself as the elder of my immediate family.  I don't feel very wise most days.  In my early thirties my husband and I owned a house that we sold at a nice profit so that we could raise Lauren on the farm.  We all loved it and my Daddy and I spent six months of quiet bonding getting the place decent to live in.  

Lauren learned to ride a bike here and climbed lots of trees.  I am grateful for that yet now I find myself wondering why I'm still here.  I don't own it, I'm just a tenant.  I could have bought 5 houses in what I've paid in rent for 31 years.  But it is home to me.  As the structures have slowly disappeared over the years, the landscape has changed but not the call of the siren that is nature.  Hundred year old pecan trees overlap the lane that I walk and drive.  Younger ones have been planted in the bare spots and are thriving.  The bird that represents Daddy still swings in the breeze on one of those young ones.  

There is a rich history here and I know a lot of  it.  The neighbors haven't changed much over the years with the next generations claiming the land.  That is their history and legacy and also part of mine.  The river has been a major constant all through these years.  It can be harsh like those two back to back floods.  But before the channels were dug in the sixties, the entire road would be engulfed and we would have to move to town until the water went down.  The same was true for power failures and there were many, especially when it snowed.  There we went to town again to stay with some relative or another.  

My daddy cut and hauled hay for the cattle that he raised.  I remember one time his entire herd got wiped out by Brucellosis but he soldiered on buying more.  The barns and ponds where they gathered are now in the rearview, preserved with photographs.  The one behind Casa Poops is the only one left.  It is a comforting sight to me, reminding me of the days when I could still crawl up in there and explore.  And of the many horses that were once here.  

One thing remains constant...well two.  The sun rises in the east over the golf course/airport and sets in the west in a giant orb over the farm.  From up here on this hill, you can see for miles.  A visitor here the other day remarked that he was last out this way in the sixties when there were regular meet and greets over at the shack.  That was the playground of the rich and famous back in the day.  The original plan was to construct a clubhouse leading from the golf course over to the bluff.  That never materialized except in an engineer's rendition of what it could be.  

Thank God I'm a country girl as they say.  I doubt that I would ever find peace in a subdivision where all the little boxes are next to each other and there is constant traffic.  It's so quiet here you can hear the critters at any given moment.  To me, that is the best of God's promise and I hear the spirit moving with each song of each bird ^j^

my strange cat

I noticed some time ago that Lily prefers dog food over cat food so I haven't even bought any of the cat food in a long time.  This morning she woke me up knocking stuff off because we were out of DOG food.  After my PT visit/discharge I went to the shady 'gentral to get some and decided to try the cat variety on her.  She got all excited when she heard the bags ripped open, took a few bites of the kitty variety and returned to the dog food.  That's okay, the dogs will eat either so it's not a waste.

I'm broke as a joke with a week left 'til payday so I'll be foraging in the cabinets and looking for things to eat.  I have lots of canned veggies so there you go.  I may be vegan before all this is over.  And eggs.  Lots of eggs.  Hey...I could live on the deviled variety.

Five years ago the dying in my family commenced at a rapid pace.  I remember that because Alli and teeny baby Charley picked up Pnoler's ashes so they would be there for his funeral.  That was about two weeks after Aunt Nancy passed and I ran over Daddy's foot at the visitation.  Lerd.  Then in August, Daddy himself passed on and after that Mama the next January.  I was still working then and it's all a blur but it was a lot to process all at once.  Thank God for Curry Funeral home and KayKay.

Pnoler's was a different sort of service officiated by two women.  I distinctly remember showing up in my scrubs and Mom and Daddy's caregiver delivering them so we could all be together as a family.  Mama and I surrounded Lauren with our love and arms and she sobbed like a baby.  So did I.  Just because we were no longer married, it hurt.  You don't spend that many years together without remaining attached, especially when you have a child together.  He was a good man and a good father.  As the song says "Pnoler stood."

I can walk now without pain, praise be.  The next hurdle is surgery (again,)  Lauren will be with me during that like she was before.  Everybody thought I was going to die and yet the Lord decided it wasn't my time.  It was complicated and a true emergency that could have been avoided if a certain ER doc had ordered a CT on my initial visit.  But that's water under the bridge.  Perhaps I went through all that to make me tougher.  Who knows.

I'm watching with glee as Trump continues to put nails in his own coffin.  The devil side of me hopes that he gets the virus because of his blatant disregard for the guidance of scientists.  Poor thing didn't want to appear "weak" by wearing a mask at the Ford plant but they ended up making him do it.  With a presidential seal on it, no less.  Lord help us all.

If anybody has some ribs to spare bring me a plate.  I know all y'all are grilling for the holiday weekend.  Be safe and enjoy!

i will never leave you

I just watched the daily devotional presented by staff and lay folks at FUMC.  The director of children's ministries did a cool little hand thing with ten things to remember "I will never leave you. I will never forsake you."  It was passed to her from a counselor at a camp she attended when times were tough.  Probably a wilderness experience as those things tend to be.  It brought me great comfort during this time of uncertainty and fear.  

I just got off the phone with my dear friend Sue and we had a nice chat about you know who and what's up in politics.  We are of the same mind like "who knows at this point."  We both like Kamala for Joe's running mate and believe that the other candidates will be somewhere valuable in his cabinet.  AND that the dems will do well in senate races.  Take that Moscow Mitch.  

I saw a rainbow yesterday afternoon and it brought me a lot of joy and faith.  I also passed a turtle in my driveway this morning which is always a good totem.  And you know what?  This too shall pass if we leave room for the Spirit to work ^j^

'tween then and now

Damn...that was a low spot!  Fortunately today is better and I'm singing along with Bonnie Raitt.  I actually set the alarm today for the first time in, like, forever.  My dental office just now opened back up since the shit hit the fan from you know what.  Life as we knew it.  I have to have one filling next week but otherwise good.  A buckle, whatever that is.  I've been paying for this dental insurance and haven't been able to go!  Dammit, COVID.  

My PT person came after I got home and we did the drill with the ultrasound and vitals.  Plus we learned a bit more about each other as it happens with a therapist who really cares.  I prefer the social kind and he's even been feeding my dogs his leftover breakfast.  When I left Ellie followed me and evidently got lost in the wheat.  I made a phone call and drove down Samaria Bend Road but no Ellie.  We were in the middle of treatment when she came in the back door soaking wet.  And she gobbled up the scraps that Oscar turned his nose up at.  

I feel spiritually alive again.  I've talked with several random friends today and each one of them is a tribe member.  Linda Sue is mailing me some more masks because you know it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings.  

Y'all stay safe and happy.  Focus on the positive and pray for those who are sleeping in the rain ^j^ 

one of those days

You know the kind...when it all seems too much and overwhelming.  I have begun the tedious process of putting contacts in my new phone a few at a time.  This morning I sat down with piles of EOBs and medical bills and tried to make some sense of it all.  The light in my house is so dim that it's hard to see anywhere but at my desk which is not very big.  I need one of those huge ass ones where I can lay everything out.

I am disturbed on many levels about the current state of our union.  Our hydroxycloroquine taking POTUS is blaming everything and everybody in the world for the damage he has done and is pissed off at the Dems because they're making it harder for him to have live rallies.  Please remember that it's not all about you sir.  The crisis is real and ongoing and blaming others plus inciting riots does nothing but make you look bad.  I think that even I could beat you if I ran for the office at this point.

The little goose family was right by the road again today.  I look for them now because I sure don't want to hit one of the pack.  Surely they will be taking off to the north as soon as those babies grow up.  It's fun watching them in the meanwhile.

It is indeed a strange time of fear and isolation.  Being alone is growing very old.  I'd be batshit crazy if it weren't for my furbabies.  I look forward to the reversal yet I am a bit apprehensive which I suppose is normal.  Heading into a COVID hotspot for major surgery is a bit unsettling.  

I got to looking for some cooked chicken that I was thawing out and it was nowhere to be found.  Today I saw the tupperware that it was in out in the yard which means Ellie struck again.  Lord, that girl.

Looking for rainbows here ^j^

the marketplace and me

Never a quitter, I just spent an hour on the phone with the Marketplace appeals center over well, you know the story.  Every time I talk to them they need something different.  I requested a hearing with a federal appeals officer which will be done by phone.  We shall see.

On my way home from the 'gentral I passed a little tribe of geese in the middle of Samaria Bend Road by the pond.  Y'all know I never pass up a photo op so I pulled over and visited for a bit.  Heck I guess they were geese, maybe ducks.  I'm not real up on what's what in the animal world.  I also saw about three either turkeys or turkey vulchers fly up into a tree at the end of my road.  Never a dull moment around here.  

So far I haven't seen Mr. Snake but I know it's coming.  There are plenty of frogs around my back steps in the reptile pit that is the flower bed.  Ellie killed a baby bird out there the other day.  Poor thang.  

In typical Tennessee fashion it has turned from Blackberry winter to summer.  I passed my neighbor walking on the loose gravel that is our road and we chatted about how dangerous it is.  Remember, I almost died one night from that.  I had a nice conversation with a friend who had his reversal done and he was curious about a wound vac which he had never used before.  I told him it's not bad if you're not dealing with a bag at the same time.  Hopefully I won't need one this time around but you never know.  

The little garden box got a good rain yesterday so I don't need to water today.  I do, however, need to walk the yard looking for the reading glasses I lost somewhere out there by the firepile.  

Keep the faith kids ^j^

muddy puddles

I had just one small one for Reaves to run through today but that will change with the monsoon currently happening.  I think they have time to outrun the storm back to Madison county.  We had a nice relaxed visit and did all the usuals like eat pizza and yogurt and play with the critters.  And watch some kind of kid vid on Netflix.  It was all fairy dust and magical.  I don't know about y'all but I can use that about now.

About the only thing keeping me sane is watching Fallon and Colbert.  They never cease to amuse me with their creativity during lockdown.  Colbert even had a quarantine birthday celebration complete with cake and decorations.  

This new avatar thing I do not understand and will not do.  I have enough on my plate as is.  As we all know, I am not a follower of trends.  Marching to the beat of a different drummer is my brand.

As Reaves and Lauren loaded up to leave i heard the sound of a harmonica.  It was one that was passed down through the family over decades.  That was a quiet assurance that life goes on ^j^

the devil made me do it

When I was at Lowe's the other day getting dirt I passed by a display of Gerber daisies which I adore.  They were five bucks each and I was in a hurry so I passed.  I kept thinking about them and went back to get two today, one yellow and one red.  They are sitting patiently on my back porch waiting to be potted.  

I find myself slack jawed much of the time over the stupidity we are witnessing in the form of shutdown protesters carrying guns.  Geez man.  Are you gonna' shoot the virus or something??  I was particularly angered by a reporter's FB live reporting in the midst of a very hostile crowd.  "We don't need your fake news!" they yelled.  Eff you, said another.  I thought they loved the attention, ya' know.  Why else would they be out there parading around.  Go figure.

It seems that Dr. Birx is now the crown princess of all things COVID and she is steady hammering on the CDC.  They deserve some of it but they are a federal agency after all.  So in truth, the feds are responsible for the failures.  Let that soak in.

As Old Hoss would say "and so it goes."  Man do I miss that old coot.

In Tennessee voters can cast their ballots absentee if they are over the age of 60.  I'm just enough of a rebel that I'll probably slap that mask on and go to the polls in person.  Early voting, of course.  I totally don't get the fear of vote by mail.  We do everything else that way why not voting?  But, I digress.

Since Lauren went back to work I miss those three times a week visits to the muddy puddles of my driveway.  But hey...she was ready to go back!  She told me at the beginning of my journey post-op that I was being forced to relax, which is true.  It's a hard lesson to learn for those like me who are constantly thinking and planning.  

My butt is almost well, just as Mary Gwyn predicted, six weeks later.  If you have a lumbarsacral sprain, do not expect it to be easy.  At.All.   In many ways, it was as bad or worse than the surgery because I had nothing for pain.  No wait, I take that back.  At least there wasn't a wound vac!

Hang in there ^j^

the luxury of time

One thing that I have learned in the midst of the pandemic is to live one day at a time, heck even one hour at a time.  I remember the feeling of being constantly frustrated and pushed to be bigger and better in the workplace in spite of burnout.  I do not miss that, especially right now when the situation is grim.  I just watched the testimony of a Mr. Bowen who is a PPE manufacturer and lifelong Republican.  His simple statement was "I'm embarassed by how this has been handled."  "We should be listening to the scientists and doctors."  Yet Dr Fauci and all the others have been silenced from the get go because they dare to present scientific evidence that contradicts the POTUS.  

I got my hair did while socially distancing at Headlines and it was good to be out among the living, especially friends.  Going there is more than just hair....it's a pleasure to be among that crew because they have so much fun.  I told Marla the story about letting Mo cut my bangs when she was 8 years old.  And, I made a new friend in the form of Nina.  

I received a "final notice" from the marketplace wanting income information for 2020 to keep my coverage.  Nobody ever asked for it to begin with.  Anywho, I took my 2019 return to the UPS store and Linda copied and mailed it for me.  The struggle is real, and neverending.  I'm still trying to get into the IRS website to get whatever it is the appeals center wants.  It's kind of like trying to break into Fort Knox.  

I noticed Ellie laying in the raised bed yesterday so I scattered some pine cones up in there as a reason to avoid said dirt.  Hopefully she will get the message.  Right now the plants are all little so it just looks like a soft spot to her.  She and Oscar rotate between the recliner and my bed, with the recliner being the prize spot because it's next to my desk.  They like to chill with mama.

Keep smiling...keep shining ^j^

what to expect

When I first had emergency surgery in January I woke up with an ileocolostomy.  It was a real challenge for home health and for me to find a bag that didn't leak.  At that time reversal seemed a long way out but now I find myself looking at said surgery in a month or two.  I have a friend who is undergoing that procedure as I type so I'll be sure to pick his brain about the experience.  I expect it to be less traumatic because there is no infection this time around but the recovery is about the same.  I will do everything in my power not to go to a rehab facility this go around because well, COVID lockdown.  I expect to have a wound vac again but at least I won't be dealing with the bag at the same time.  I'm trying to look on the sunny side even though I'm a bit scared.  Hopefully there won't be any chanting going on next door this time.  I will also be prepared with popsicles.  

I planted a few things in the raised bed yesterday and got a hose and nozzle at the 'gentral.  The box is right next to the pump so I only needed a short one.  I topped it off with 44 pounds of cow shit so I have about 50 bucks invested in the dirt.  The folks at  the crack store aka Pennington's helped me out yesterday with tomato selection.  Stanley wasn't there but Jeffro knew what they ALL plant which is a super fantastic heirloom.

PT came this morning and I have two more visits.  I still walk slowly but the pain is down to about a 2.  Hey....I'll take it.  And with that, I leave you with happy thoughts like rainbows and unicorns.  The rest is just details.

a stained glass life

Once upon a time that is what I named "my book."  I even wrote a forward and chapter 1 which was right after 9/11.  The craft of making stained glass is one that I learned from my cousin Debbie, as her daddy Jimbo had taught her.  Everybody in the family has a piece or two of their work.  It is tedious work yet very satisfying.  I have one little beginner piece that I made and a larger one that I can't remember the history of.  

I see life as a weaving and layering of things, often mismatched.  I've never been one of those who had to have matching curtains and pillow shams.  They all sleep the same hon.  This is partially because my spiritual side is wide open right now.  I see possibility where there seems to be none.  I have faith when many have given up.  And I believe that peace and compromise are possible.  If we could just quit fighting about the little things.  

We are not out of the woods yet by any means.  Testing has just now become easily available.  Just because you test negative today doesn't mean you won't get it next week.  Wear the masks people.  They may not be comfy or cute but they save lives.  Which reminds me, I need to wash mine.  

I watched the health people testify in the Senate today and of course old Rand Paul who would LOVE to be the next Mitch was a real ass.  That seems to be his MO.

I don't care who you vote for or whether you wear a mask.  If you are an employer?  Do the right thing to keep your customers safe.  I have to give it Lowe's straight up.  Everybody there had on masks and gloves and there was a sneeze guard in the gardening section.  Meanwhile Grecian has opened without the endless hog trough that was their buffet.  Applause!

My tribe has been formed slowly but surely over the years.  I remember who was there for me when times were tough.  And I always try to pay it forward ^j^

playin' in the dirt

My friend Rick volunteered to take me dirt shopping in his jeep but I was out and about so I stopped by Lowe's and got ten bags.  He called right when I was pulling out of Lowe's with a trunk full and waited for me to get home.  It was evident pretty quickly that we needed ten MORE so here we go back to Lowe's to get more.  He did all the work because even at age 70 he's in better physical shape than me.  I will wait until after the rain to plant because I'm broke until payday.  It needs to settle anyways.  He loves gardening even more than me and is an expert in butterfly gardens.  

All is well here on the hill as far as I know.  The dogs supervised while we spread dirt and Lily got her Rick fix when we visited afterwards.  It's still on the coolish side and has turned cloudy.  I received an informal resolution on my Marketplace appeal and will proceed accordingly.  What they want from me now is an account transcript of my 2018 tax return.  Now I don't know about y'all but I find that website very difficult to navigate.  I've tried numerous times and it kicks me out.  I have until May 25th to figure something out.  

Meanwhile, the White House is eat up with corona and everybody is flipping out.  I will refrain from comment on that except to say that what goes around comes around.  Wear masks, you idiots.  

Happy Monday to you and yours!

a day to remember

I have to say this is the best Mother's Day ever.  Lauren and Reaves came early and we set out to the graveyard with flowers for Mama.  There was even a photo op as she sat on the stone.  It was an odd sort of introduction to their new home, though she knows them both through pictures.  Of course it was packed out there and two cars had the road blocked so we had to maneuver to get out.  It's easy to get lost up in there!

We ate mexicans and she jumped in muddy puddles like a champ until she wore herself out.  I am more able to enjoy their visits now that I'm not in such bad pain.  I can even walk the yard with them to a point.  Baby steps y'all.

I remember my mother fondly.  She seemed so good at everything that she did including cooking, writing, social skills and too many other things to mention.  She taught me the lessons that she had learned through her own life.  And she loved me unconditionally.

This mother's day church service featured a montage of mama pictures of which mine was one.  In that picture she is a high school senior in drape and looking radiant.  That is how I choose to remember her.  There are others who have mothered me in different ways like her friend Annie. She has been like a mother hen since mama passed.

Thanks to all y'all out there who have adopted kids from anotha' mother and spent time teaching and mentoring them.  That's what it's all about ^j^

rise above it

I just finished watching a segment with two of my celebrity boyfriends:  Colbert and Gov Cuomo.  It is always refreshing to hear unbiased reporting and genuine concern for citizens.   When asked about how his father's teachings influenced him during this crisis he replied that we should rise above the divide and become a community with the common good on the forefront.  Don't let people drag you down to their level.  Forgive easily and move on. 

I had planned to go buy dirt for the bed today but I forgot it's Saturday and the always packed Lowe's will be like wallyworld on black Friday.  People don't play when it comes to their landscaping, virus or not.  When I go I will wear a mask and social distance as much as possible.  

I actually cooked dinner last night and was quickly reminded by a sink full of dirty dishes why I don't do it that often.  With no dishwasher, I usually have a new batch ready to go as soon as I get through the backlog.  Paper plates and plastic cutlery are my friends.  

Several years ago my friend's daughter died unexpectedly at a young age.  I was just out of shoulder surgery but showed up at the FH with a garden basket which contained several different plants.  Lorna kept most of the individuals going and gave me the violet to care for.  I've had it for a year and it is now blooming for the first time.  We will call this coming forth with new life plant Hazen.

Y'all be happy and blessed..and nice. Just please be nice ^j^

out of the darkness

Our new normal seems to be bringing out both the best and worst of people.  But you know what?  For every gun totin' idiot you see fighting for the right to get COVID there are five who are giving extra kindness.  The folks at the chicken store have pretty much adopted me during the time that I haven't been able to walk.  They keep up with my progress and say hooray when I manage to walk in without a cane.  Yet they still carry my stuff to the car.  They adore polite customers and put up with a lot of BS from the rest. 

My friends Rick and Jimmy came by yesterday to bring some ground cloth for my raised bed.  I'm having a hard time getting it leveled so hopefully whomever hauls my compost will help with that.  Not being a carpenter, I don't have a level thingy but I can see the cracks around the bottom.  Finding a perfectly flat spot close so the water source may be tough in this yard.  

It rained (again) all night and is still wet and gloomy.  Low tonight is supposed to be in the 30s so I'm kind of glad I haven't planted yet.  My cousin in Lake county said that the hail storm demolished her 50 tomato plants the other night.  That would be the one that took down all the utility poles in Ridgely.  

There are small lakes surrounding the barn in the fields where corn was planted a week ago.  The peepers are loving it and sing a nice little chorus for me.  I have become acutely aware of how meat is processed and could easy be a vegetarian.  When I eat pork I think about squealing pigs on the kill floor and it makes me sick.  Same thing with chickens being strapped down and beheaded.  

I have a lot of balls in the air right now what with getting ready for Medicare and dealing with the Marketplace over an appeal plus figuring out medical bills four months post op.  Oddly enough, I'm not worried.  I have friends and friends of friends who will see me through it.  And that?  Comes from doing the next right thing.  

Y'all be blessed ^j^

no words

Y'all all know I am full of them but the muse is somewhere out in the woods.  The highlights of my day were seeing old friends and making a new one who dumps my garbage every Thursday.  This girl loves my dogs and asked where the other one was.  Poor Sammy.  Patrick was doing my PT when otha' Patrick showed up for a visit.  Praise be!

Mamye brought me lunch from Sonic and that plus last night's Mojo's splurge should keep me from cooking for a bit.  My appointment with the surgeon was moved to next Wednesday the same day I get the money for the oil leak fix.  MWaitaybe there will be two triumphs in one day!  Bart said to plan on dropping it off because he's pretty busy.  That small business is located on Lake Road and they have always been honest and treated me well.  Lake Road Service Center.  Bart Gillon.  Tell him I sent you.

Enough for today.  It's pretty and the porch is calling my name.  Keep the faith ^j^

headed to bed

It's only 1030 and I'm already thinking ahead of the empty hours that are daytime.  It's not that I don't want to get out, it's just the steps up and down....OMG.  I have a new phone so now I'm a two line person for another month.  If you see a strange # pop up calling you, it's probably me.  I will share accordingly.

Reaves' "rabbit" as she calls the tablet, got left on top of the car yesterday so Lord knows how far it traveled before it fell off.  Not in my yard or on the road so, there ya'go.  It's probably crushed somewhere on 412.  

I'm in kind of a fugue state where we are questioning the powers that be and wondering if the bad guys win.  Lerd I hope not!  Trump stated that the task force will be disbanded and then promptly said ummm...no.  What I meant was more government agencies will be involved like the ones that were cut out a few years ago.  Whatever.  At this point I don't know what to believe.

My younger brother and I discussed that this morning about how we are not using our intelligence to question things.  I am a scientist and that is my business.  I am also a rebel at times...ahem.  It's a wonder I don't have any jail time under my belt, if you know what I mean.

God gave me a mind and I will use it to make personal decisions based on my core beliefs.  If you don't like it?  We can disagree and still be friends.  Do not come at me with the mob mentality kids.  That doesn't set well with the poopster.

I heard that the last storm demolished the power poles in Ridgely so Gibson Co Electric is busting their asses trying to fix all that.  Seems I was lucky with only a one hour outage.  

Happy Mother's Day eve eve eve eve ^j^

ain't nobody gonna' steal my joy

Old Church Choir is my new favorite song so expect it to be added to the playlist Chucky.  What?  You have plenty of time right now but not.for.long.  We're opening this place wide up so everybody can get their hair did.  And waxing.  I need the waxing like BAD.  

We had one helluva storm last night with hail and scary stuff like rain so heavy and wind so strong you would have sworn it was a tornado.  I hear there were a couple north of here.  My power went out for about an hour so I just laid my sore butt down and listened.  

PT is helping with the pain.  I'm running about a 4 with NSAIDS and constant moving.  Three weeks ago I couldn't walk.  I'll take it.  Biofreeze is my boyfriend these days. Hey, you take what you can get in these trying times.

The numbers are still climbing as we realize that the strain that came to our country had mutated before it arrived.  They're tricky like that.  All they need is a little DNA and boom!

Not that I'm an expert or anything.  Y'all be blessed ^j^

got my yard did

Okay kids.  Time for another small business shoutout!  Today's biz is a lawn care company named Mayberry Lawn Service owned and operated by Ryan Huffman.  Ever since I got tired of keeping a mower going, he and his crew have handled my huge yard.  They know what's a flower and what not to mow "yet."  They do excellent work and I consider them family.  If y'all are looking, he's your guy.

The girls came yesterday right before the monsoon and she watched the radar for the safest time to take off to Madison county.  Reaves was so tired she was delerious.  Me and Lauren just sat there and looked at each like "what next?"  We've got that eye contact down pat to where we don't have to say a word.  A simple eye roll says it all.

I am able to walk without a cane since yesterday which is a big hooray for me.  I don't have to deal with a bedside commode and all that comes with it.  Hey...I pee a lot at night and drink gallons of Propel.  I don't really trust my tap water what with all the farm chemicals up in there.  Not for drinking anyway. 

The world twirls and the virus swirls.  This grand phased re-opening has begun.  I noticed the tables are back at the corner market.  Everybody has plexiglass where it should have been in the first place.  My mask is hanging from the visor and will remain there.  Thanks again Mary.

I can't say that I'm not in a funk like everybody else.  I just know that some days are better than others and as long as my tribe is around, I'm good.  Speaking of which, Mamye just did a welfare check with news that we had golf ball sized hail and winds that snapped utility poles yesterday.  Lerd.

Y'all be merry and bright.  It beats the alternative ^j^

bigger than life

Well, there's a first time for everything and today was my virgin trip to parking lot for worship.  It is a surreal scene, to say the least....like something out of a movie.  Ushers and staff in masks.  Preaching the word of God from a trailer.  It's like we're all there, now with honking.  MaryBeth said she wanted to hear those honks turned into loud amens.  She asked us all to text her one or two words describing our exile, so to speak.  About 80% of the responses were "lonely."  This is the crisis y'all.  When people are isolated, especially those without social media, they feel removed, if you will, from others.  My mama's friend Annie still calls me once a week just to check in.  She has been the bridge between there and here for me.  

Ellie got my entire order of mexican last night when Doordash left it on the porch.  First she took off with the taco off top and I managed to snag the bag.  After that I proceeded to dig in and dropped the plate upside down on the kitchen floor.  Mine is one of those you would NOT eat off of.  Even before five seconds.  I just left it on the floor and she polished it off.  I really wanted that taco too.

So, we are still in this together...in exile.  Some are acting with proper caution and others are being a fool at government buildings and whatnot.  Get over yourselves people....  While a lot of this is being cast as political, mostly it's not.  It's a world health crisis of epic proportions for which we were poorly prepared.  In the span of time since I had the big surgery it has moved across the globe.  Viruses don't play.  They mutate y'all!

Peace and grace to you and your mama'n'them ^j^

liminal space

In our church newsletter this week Mary Beth referenced liminal space which was described by Father Richard Rohr.  It consists of times and places where we find we have left something behind and have not discovered what is coming next.  Who among us does not grasp that concept during the middle of a pandemic?   Actually it applies to any life change or leap of faith when we lose a certain part of self like a job, a marriage, or anything that once was and now isn't.  In such space, "we are not certain or in control."  During the last five years I have found myself facing one loss or change after another.  I try to grieve properly and search for the lessons ahead.  

I am itching to plant some things but not quite there yet with the butt injury.  I can now walk without a cane or walker, very slowly.  I'm three weeks in and feel that it will take the full six weeks that Mary Gwyn mentioned.  Physical therapy is helping a lot.  One of the side effects of all this is raging carpal tunnel syndrome from using my hands to support myself.  If it ain't one thing it's ten.  Soldier on!

Politically, I'm just astonished daily at the underhandeness of some and I understand that it is a bi-partisan thing.  We don't know what to believe because the media spins it all one way or another.  I try to be open minded to all points of view.  Who am I to judge?

It made my soul feel good to see Justin Trudeau ban assault weapons so quickly following a mass shooting.  I mean, it's a no brainer to me but the powers that be in this country are too much in the pockets of the NRA.  

As promised I will give a big high five to Tencom and The Mill Workspace, owned by Chris and Joanna Donaldson.  Located side by side on South Mill these businesses include computer repair, web design and a comfortable space to work with super fast broadband and all the perks like meeting rooms and podcasting.  I first met Chris through his mother Lorna who took me along for the ride as The Mill morphed into something wonderful.  I was hooked on the concept of co-working from day one.  Chris teaches a class called CoStarters which gives budding enterpreneurs a way to start from scratch with a business plan.

Also noteworthy is Sunflower Health owned by Donna Hilliard and located in the Green Village shopping center.  Her store is focused on organic and holistic wellness with other items like soap, essentials oils and food.  Her staff is delightful and well informed and is up there with Pennington Seed and Supply as my "crack" store.  

The girls came yesterday and while Lauren was "working" on the computer Reaves kept wanting her to "hold me!"  She finally settled into my lap on the recliner and leaned into me which doesn't happen often.  It was a golden Gaga moment.  Truth be told, most of my seats are loaded with stuff that needs to be put up like clean clothes.  Moving slowly here.  

I WILL get my groove back ^j^

small business spotlight

I have been a client with Pelham Myofascial therapy since two shoulder surgeries before.  She nursed me through those and more.  Her sharing of stretch videos has saved my life more than one time during the past 3 weeks.  Of course the health businesses are severely restricted right now and will open up who knows when according to Governor Lee.  Anywho she has taught me to treat MYSELF which a blessing.  I know the moves, so to speak.  I'm sleeping with a freakin' plastic ball kids.  When she is back in business please consider her wisdom and knowledge about the power of fascia.  Go there at the corner of Main and ummm....right next to Clayton.  Her little Huckster picks up the vibes from the healing going on.  He guards to space, so to speak.  Fascial release....google it.

My next little referral is for a diner down at Four Points called Area 51.  These poor folks had JUST opened when the shutdown hit and they were forced to curbside.  Mamye told me all about it and I stopped one day.  The owners and staff are precious and the burger 'n fries were great.  Please support them if  you are on the south side of town.

Last ( of this day's list) but not least is Headlines salon.  I have been a customer at the shop since back in the Chuckles days which tells my age.  They were located in the current Lucky Liqor store.  When they grew into Headlines they didn't move far .. about quarter of a mile.  They know the customer's usual and if we are in for something radical, they will style it with grace.  And the prom hairdos....OMG

I will be calling out the folks who have been kind to me day to day, expecially small businesses.  Next up is TenCom.  Y'all be blessed ^j^