meh

If I had to describe how I feel today in one word, that would be it.  After feeling so good yesterday I was not amused at today's attitude.  When I'm like that I just kind of get quiet and shut out the hustle and bustle and go into my own little head.  There is no particular reason I suppose.  Just a cycle.  I'm dreading this colonoscopy and would cancel if I could but it's got to be done because I'm symptomatic.  All my life I've had irritable bowel syndrome which consists of bouts of constipation, diahrrea and bloating and often cramping and pain.  There is no one particular cause, but stress is a biggie.  During all those years before I let the little things go, I stayed in high stress mode 24/7, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Now when it does I just say "oh well."  

I had a long talk with an old friend yesterday which was nice and familiar.  We talk about twice a year and I had just sent him a "happy tax season" message when he called.  Gotta love it.  He is recovering from his own health scare but doing so at a desk.  Our mothers were lifelong friends and his family owns the property adjacent to this farm.  Miss Willa used to come cruising up the lane with or without a driver during her later years.  Many memories for her I feel sure.  One time when I was on a walk with the dog they ran right over him but he rolled and bounced back up!  This is how we learn.  

World news is beginning to sound like a bad spy novel what with fat bastard murdering his brother and Putin listening in on every single conversation and election.  It's kind of sad really that it's come to this...we have a POTUS who is not diplomatic enough to concern himself with the daily crises in our country choosing instead to reverse most of what was accomplished in the last 8 years.  My conscience is clear as I have stayed the course with my convictions.  That's all you can do when push comes to shove.

My friends Mitzi and Kim are in the midst of what I lived for five years with my parents as their healthcare advocate.  Same for Miss Anita and Marfy.  And a whole lot of others. Caregiving is a gift that takes a toll on the providers.  Much of the time you run on adrenaline going from one emergency to another without catching a breath.  I miss my parents terribly but I don't miss that.  

It's been rainy for a day or two which is kind of crappy following that glorious weekend of sun.  The bed'o'mud is still there and I'll probably snag a few more crowns before it gets filled.  When I bought the ones we planted, they were already three years old....Martha Washington.  Over 20 years they have multiplied like rabbits and got all tangled up in each other.  It was a project my husband and I did together and waited 3 years to see happen.  I remember looking out the window on a February day that first winter after planting and seeing the spears pop up.  It's no touch for the first year, and lightly pick the second.  After that it's on. I like the skinny ones which I learned are the females.  They have red berries.  

I'm about to have a seance with candles and sage.  Carry on!