regrets and gratitude

Yes, I am a very slow learner in some ways. The elementary school IQ whiz that was my mind back in the day has turned to mush simply because of trying too hard to figure things out instead of letting them happen as BigErnie intended. Very impatient in many respects yet loyal to a fault. There are few things that I regret in my life even though a lot of it hasn't been fun. I do wish I had waited until later to marry so that I had a clear understanding of who I was...like after therapy. Thirty seems to be the age when a lot of women come into their own and begin advancing in the workplace, all the while managing families. I did it for years and never batted an eye. When the kid was sick, my mom or a babysitter helped out. There were numerous skipped school programs and whatnot, but the sawmill had to come first...or so I thought. My bad. Yes indeed, I would change that because for all of that loyalty there is nothing but a lot of years on the time clock that is my life. An old friend posted some pics from back in the day when he was a high school student training with us. It was pre-BG and we were all just kids with 80s hair and attitudes. He remarked how I had always been an inspiration to him and I was touched because I never knew that. He has recently become re-connected with his estranged daughters and that's a big chunk of gratitude for someone around our age.

I don't regret going to college but I do wish I had branched out more into the healthcare field rather than pigeon holing myself into a corner. My brief forays into palliative care research were a manifestation of that dream. What is truly amazing to me is how dime a dozen MBAs get careers making a lot more money than me and my experience do, yet I don't envy them. Most of my static state of life has been of my own making choosing to stay close to home rather than move into a larger job market. Considering cost of living elsewhere it's probably a wash. My parents are here and most of my friends except for the ones "in my computer" as Lois calls the virtual ones. It's amazing to me how rich my life has become with new friends since I began to blog. I try really hard to be true to myself as a writer but tolerant of the points of view that others hold. I read a piece about how over 40 folks like me put two spaces between sentences and now I'm attempting to unlearn that. Even though it's something an online editor can do, I like to learn new tricks.

I am eternally grateful that I had a quote "normal" childhood that did not involve any sort of abuse or poverty and that I still have both my parents in their 80s. It's a constant challenge, but everybody I knows who has lost theirs says to keep focusing on the good times because you never know when it's gonna' be curtain call time. I was a Sopranos freak back in the day but lost HBO prior to the end of that series. I read an explanation today of what the last episode meant and it was revealed that Tony did indeed die...right in front of his family. It talked about the significance of the diner setting and the members only jacket guy and the sudden shift to black. Truly amazing! This dude even pointed out every red herring in the joint. This show is also where I discovered the talent that is Edie Falco who would later play my favorite opiate addict. I am glad to have had the opportunity to get out of my own head long enough to enjoy this kind of film work. It's kind of like mental aerobics. BG just showed me an example of why folks are going ape shit over police killings and my mouth just dropped open. I can see both sides of that one. As for Kroger, if I see anybody in my local store doing open carry, you have lost my business forever. As much as I hate Wallyhell, I'll buy my shit there.

Over the years I've been blessed by a lot of people and one guy named Clarence (like the angel) gave me a subscription to a really high tech blogging app. I rarely used it, choosing instead to stay with the tried and true. No, I don't really embrace change but I can roll with it. Mom had several visitors yesterday and Daddy will be going again thanks to Mary Lynn. She has been an angel not only to them but to their entire SS class taking on the duties of secretary since she's the youngster. I'm sure she misses her own parents. My shoulder is finally not hurting all the time so there's that thing to be grateful for. I'm not challenging anybody because really? Blessings are in the eye of the beholder. All you grammar nazis out there count the number of times I did the double space!

Keep the faith ^j^