the night before

It was in early September when we moved mama to the home.  Daddy had died in August and she was blind and not able to walk very good so she agreeed to go over to Maple Ridge for the rest of her life.  Daddy's retirement covered it and the place seemed nice.  Her friends Jerlene and Harry lived there and they visited a lot.  There were quite a few uppities with whom she had little interaction.  They are always on a schedule there and she didn't like to get up early for breakfast.  She actually cried every morning because Billy wasn't there and she was sad.  Well, and she wasn't at home.

If I had it to do over, I would have moved into that cabin and allowed her to live there until she died much like Mozella's tribe is doing.  We fought those last six months like nobody's business, usually because I didn't stay long enough or walked away while she was having a meltdown over the circumstances. We really tried to do the right thing.  

On moving day we showed up bright and early to find her with 9 suitcases full of towels and clothes that didn't fit.  She was a hot mess by anybody's standard.  My mother had been up all night by herself getting ready to leave home.  My heart was broken and I realized that I could have done more to help with the transition.  Work was a bitch during that time and was sucking the life out of me slowly.  Millette decorated her room after Budge It moved the furniture in.  Tracy the chicken farmer has her bed which is appropriate.   She took care of her during those last months.  

I have a vivid memory of taking her some chicken salad from Java over to the home that I still owe 600 bucks to.  She wasn't able to eat so I fed her with a plastic fork and apologized for her having to be there.  Didn't know what else to do.  That day when the cars and trucks moved out from Casa Grands, I cried like a baby and so did Bubba.  "Worse than the funeral" he said.  And you know what?  He was right.  This was the next chapter in something that started a long time ago.  

Let it go ~