a losing battle

It's a good thing I'm too tired to be wanting to move furniture around because it's still all parked in wait for the paint to be finished. It's almost a done deal and I'm amazed at the different feel of this place already.  Lily and I are sitting here looking out the window but yesterday was warm enough to sit barefoot on the front steps and soak up a sunset with the dogs.  Almost like spring, just not yet.  I've gotten all the electronics out of whack moving wires around and couldn't even get the monitor on yesterday thus the silence.  In retrospect, it was a good thing.  Too much writing keeps me inside my head which isn't always a good thing.

There are a lot of things on my mind these days, most of them non-life threatening but important.  Now that the responsibility of being a constant caregiver is gone I have time to relax and go with the flow which is where creativity is born.  It's primary day in Tenn but I voted  days ago before Trump got his ass kicked by not one but two Democrats.  I don't take a lot of pleasure in seeing him go down because frankly the mentality of that flock following him scares the wits out of me.  This is NOT a dress rehearsal.  If I hear one more person say : " I like that he's not a politician" I might shoot my eye out.  Hell yes he is!  He's running for the Republican nomination you idiots.

I was talking with a friend today about her son and his learning disability and she was pretty anxious about the whole thing, understandably.  We talked about ways that she could help him, she an extrovert and he extremely introverted.  I explained to her that he feels her anxiety about his "progress" and that contributes to the situation.  She is still at that age where you worry about everything expecting the worst.  He is a wonderful kid and quite loving.  He just doesn't like to be pushed!!

I found myself running through the day at the sawmill the way I used to do before life smacked me down.  this is also not a good thing because the more you give, the more is expected and I'm too old for that.  Thirty years of hustle is enough for anybody, especially at the bedside level in healthcare.  If I were a gambling kind of gal I'd say at any given point in time 50% of the workforce is experiencing burnout from doing too much with too little.  Always have an advocate by your side.  Always.  Even then shit happens, but at least you know what's up.

The grief is still heavy.  BG rescued Mama's Christmas clock which plays a tune on the hour and I've been listening to Jingle Bells once a day ever since.  It always happens at just the right time to let me know that my parents are still with me in spirit.

Agape ~