It took me awhile to figure out what actually set the tears off today. I was happy and bouncing around like nobody's business at the sawmill...saving lives and eating Mexican. Out of the blue right around leaving time the sobs started and now my face is puffy and red. Earlier this morning I visited my co-worker with the fluttery heart and remembered Mom being in that very room. Of course, there was that. My thing with her used to be calling when I was snuggled down with the puppies to say goodnight. "Guess where I am?" I'd say. She always knew the answer. Yesterday I played phone tag with an old friend and ended up catching him last night as he pulled into his home away from home with HIS dogs. By that time, I was already covered in canines and about to snooze. It was a nice familiar conversation for bedtime. T called today while driving to C'ville to do weather and we caught up on the latest which isn't much except we're all still trying to recover. It struck me today that it's not even been six weeks since Mom died and I'm already having regrets about rushing through her last days. I have to stop and tell myself that I work there and had responsibility as her advocate in addition to the day job so um..needed downtime each day.
It's a beautiful day in the hood with Mia on the four wheeler and flies buzzing around the new picture window because hey....all the doors are open, or they were. I keep forgetting that the windows go up now! Some pleasure pilot is circling the farm in a bright red plane, which I've never noticed before. Most of them are just white and blue or some other dull combination. It would probably do me some good to go dig in the dirt.