Friday, September 5, 2014


That little acronym has meant nothing to me for the past six weeks because one day has morphed into another with nothing to do but heal and pay the loan sharks. Oh, and visit Mama at the home. Notice was officially delivered (with no fanfare) to the neighbors so I'm kind of looking over my shoulder to make sure they don't go ape-shit on me. I haven't seen the 3 kids in forever and am not even sure they still live there. DCS may have swooped in and done their thing for all I know. I'll feel a lot better when my only neighbor isn't one who tends to go on regular bi-polar rages.

Today is fair day and I've seen lots of selfies of my favorite kids heading that way. One more thing to be grateful for? I don't have to darken the gate. Nor do I have to go to the Christmas parade! Or the "fall festival" as the Halloween carnival is now politically correctly called lest we be pagans or something. So as it turns out Joan Rivers is bigger than either Elvis OR Jimi Jamison. I've always loved her, well except after she and the daughter got all up into the E Network. Didn't care for that too much but I'm just an old woman so there you go. My stand-up friend Julie Scoggins did a tribute to her in North Carolina yesterday giving her props for blazing the trail that is women in comedy. Most of my favorites these days are women like Tina Fey, Chelsea, Loni Love and Amy Schumer. None of them take themselves seriously at all and will not blink when delivering a totally hilarious punchline.

Per my usual tendency toward procrastination, I'm tapping on the keyboard rather than looking for opportunities to "improve myself." I called the loan place yesterday with a cryptic message to "send check ASAP" when they get my signature two weeks later. My hero Bernie Sanders is asking not to cut the USPS because outside of pricey FedEX and UPS, the little people need a way to communicate by snail mail on such important issues. Of course I could have just driven 80 miles south to pick it up but I'm still in a sling. Kinda' sorta'. I do know this: without that additional 11 days I would have been mighty unprepared for real life.

Mama missed my call last night as me and Sammy D were turning in to watch the sunset and she called back later to check in. She said to me "You have something coming up, I believe." "The 7th?" She loves to mess with us like that. I feigned disbelief that she didn't remember the date and we then went through birthday months for all three kids. When I hung up, she was crying and that I've always dreaded the day that I have a birthday and there's no parent there to celebrate my life. Mama is one of those who makes everything special and even at almost 59 I'm not ready to be an orphan.

One of my fondest wishes has come true and I haven't seen an ice bucket challenge in days. I guess everybody is busy trying to tell the POTUS how to crush ISIS. My suggestion would be to team up with Al Qaeda and kick their asses. When even the jihadists feel threatened, there's something menacing that needs to be dealt with. The fact that so many ISIS fighters are from other countries is even more frightening. Like the guy who worked for Delta in MN. Um, yeah. My mama's friend Miss Doris suggested back during the "Iraq skirmish" that we just send a boatload of screeching sopranos over to sing them to death.

In spite of the fact that last year was a record season for pecans, there are some to go around again this year. Not every tree by any means, but several. That can mean only one thing which is a steady stream of random travelers looking to either make a buck or experience nature on the lane. Neither works for me anymore and there is a big fat sign that says private and posted so you poachers enter at your own risk.

Other than that? I got nothing.

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