Something (more than likely Big E) told me that I needed to go by early this morning and check on my mama at the home. When I walked in the room, I spotted her sitting in the bed with tears streaming down her little face. I know the look from years of meltdowns so I proceeded to try to get it out of her what was upsetting. It took about ten minutes to get "I'm tired/lonesome/feel cruddy". I do not envy her at all because aside from the physical limitations of her broken leg there is the fact that her eyesight is gone so she feels even more out of touch with the world. This is the point at which quality vs quantity of life come into play for the elderly. We have tried everything under the sun to help her be able to see and it's just not gonna' happen. Her joints are bone on bone due to arthritis and osteoporosis so that each fall is another step down the mobility ladder for her. She told me this morning that she's not "used to" being helpless and I can testify to that! She has always been the ruler of our family universe even when we left the nest and established our own lives. It literally breaks my heart to see her this way but I try to keep my big girl panties pulled up for her sake. My prayer is that we can get her situated at home with enough help to keep she and Daddy safe. She has 10 more days at the home.
Finally, the heat has turned into more fallish type temps and I noticed on the lane that leaves are blowing steadily. It is a beautiful time of the year on this farm with tons of color and wildlife. There are enough dried corn stalks out there to decorate every yard in the USA so that's not in my plan for the yard. At this point I'm just trying to get the garbage carried off and the back porch sprayed with a water hose. It's amazing how fast those chores pile up when you're a one armed bandit and a girl on top of that. It's quiet here now except for the whir of the AC and clouds are moving in promising a 50/50 chance for rain. Sophie Bear, Ryder, Sam and I slept in past daylight this morning and now they're passed back out. BG is snoozing so it's just me and this living room/office full of STUFF to do something with. At times like these, I feel sort of helpless myself though it's not as painful for me as it is for some. I learned long ago that it is what it is and I can't change much of it. I can, however, pay attention to my own future and find a way to market my talents.
There is a hymn that I used to sing in the alto section of FUMC called "Majesty and Glory". The music is so moving that I never once sang it without crying. That mournful Hallelujah section is in direct contrast to Hezekiah's upbeat song but there is a time and place for both in worship. I can honestly say that most of my "aha" moments as a Christian have happened outside the walls of a church, proper. The church is where the people meet the road, so to speak. Who is my neighbor? It's always helpful to have a group of spiritually rich people to call friends because when the chips are down they can smooth help you to focus on one day at a time. There is a UMC ministry in nearby Lake County which serves the most destitute of families in several surrounding counties. It's from there that kids get Christmas presents and shoes for school.
God bless Joan Rivers (again) and call your mother ^j^