hotspot blogging

I never did see an ATT person show up to see what's going on but it worked yesterday after I rebooted the modem.  Not today.  One quick call and I was informed that we have a network outage.  I can certainly deal with that vs talking to a robot for 30 minutes.  

The surprises just keep on coming and I found out today that one of my besties at work is moving far away with his lovely bride to live by the sea.  They are at an age where they can still work but enjoy it in a place with more moderate weather and less bullshit.  We've been through a lot together including the loss of our mothers in the same year.  Being a mermaid at heart, I understand his decision.  

You better stock up on bottled water and beanie weanies because things look bleak what with Trump and his ego trip.  For once I would love to see the military branch of the government stand up to executive order.  Kiss my ass and alt it. Same for all federal venues including parks.  There are enough fund raisers in the world to save parks if you just let it happen.  

I've been living alone for nearly a year now and am selective about the noise because I like quiet where you can hear the cat grooming or the water dripping.  Mrs. Precious came by to see me while I was on break to tell me that he was hitting the road to have a kidney removed.  It took me forever and Facebook to figure out which Mark it was.  I even called the lawyer one and he laughed out loud.  Said thanks for checking on him!!

I'm easing into the idea of being a grandma and it's early. That's the bad thing about finding out at the crack of dawn that 40 weeks later it's on for the rest of your life.  It seems like forever.. I was big as a cow in August and it was NOT fun.  

I was in labor for two days with Lauren.  When I was finally induced it took 12 hours and a pair of forceps to get her here all purple and precious.  Her daddy cut the cord and I was just in lala land.  Must.Find.Picture.  

Ya'll do the next right thing and see what happens.  It can be beautiful~

 

breitbart blues

Well I finally got the taxes filed and had to pay seventy bucks for it but whatever.  I felt pretty good today for the first time in a loooooong time.  Whatever that epizootie stuff is that's recycling has kicked my old butt.  I wrote a few bills out when I got home and talked a bit about grandmahood with a few folks. I'ts still not real!   I found out on the day of the anniversary of mama's death.  How's that for God power?

Okay.  The Trump thing is whirling out of control with each passing day.  When a conservative hack from Breit has more power than our military, it's Hunger Games time. Bannon reminds me of the cop in Weeds that had Shane.  It breaks my heart to hear about folks trying to get to where they're going and being turned away by whatever the hell the agency is.  It's like right out of a horror novel.  

No unicorns today.  Or rainbows.  Only faith ~

road trip

Lorna and I hit the road to Jackson this morning early to hook up with BG for breakfast at Panera.  As usual, it was to die for. It was spitting snow on the way over and she received a picture of a tiny accumulation in Tiptonville.  I left Lauren with some sage to burn and a day off to enjoy doing nothing.  I also brought a book for her that mama had filled out when she was a baby called "Grandmother Remembers" and it was all about her childhood with her Memaw.  She never knew it existed.  

I tried again to file income tax as mentioned previously with no luck.  l guess I'll have to pay full price at TurboTax and have the shit imported to get my AIG.   Note to self:  Print the return, always.  And keep up with it!  That's my problem.  Disorganization rules around here no matter how hard I try.  

I will refrain from discussing the orange one because it's not good for the soul.  He will do himself in and is well on the way to that right now.  All we have to do is sit back and watch him topple.  There are enough angry conservatives added to the progressives who want change that anything is possible.

Other than that, I've got nothing.  Quiet is good.  

^j^

dumbass of the day

I figured today was a good one to try and file a report with the IRS on my income ( as if they don't already know.)  As it turns out I failed to print a copy of the 2015 return so I don't know my AIG which is required for e-filing.  *sigh*  I'm in no hurry.  There won't be a huge refund or anything.  Who knows, Trump may abolish the IRS prior to April 15th.  One can hope.

This morning I woke up with the sun and headed out to the gentral for supplies.  First I went to the feed store where the seriously cute guys work and got some worm pills for Sophie because she looks mighty skinny and hasn't been feeling well.  No pep in her step and she's just a pup.  They will be wrapped in turkey and gobbled.  Going into that store is like visiting a crack dealer to me.  Seeds. Dirt. Wind chimes!  And of course, pecans.  I noticed while I was there that The Mill Workspace is moving right along. I see that little corner of town being revitalized.  The resident cat came slithering up to my car to say goodbye.  She sleeps on the straw bales.  

Moving forward ~

click it or ticket

I was cruising on the way home oblivious to the world when lo and behold a trooper came out of nowhere on me right across the tracks on South Main.  I am faithful about wearing my seat belt when not doing the in and out of the car thing around town.  And that's what gets you busted by officers who are on a mission.  One of these days I'll learn.  I sat there forever watching traffic whiz by and staring into the Forked Deer river bottoms waiting for him to do the paperwork.  The cost has gone from 10 bucks to 25 so as to make more money for crime fighting like in my case.  He looked new....I know most of them.  

Halfway home I couldn't find my license and turned around to go find him and there he was in almost the same spot with some other poor sucker.  Bonus!  I walked up to his car and he assured me he had returned the license...look again m'aam.  On returning to the car I found it dropped into the drink holder from where he had put it inside the ticket and it fell out.  Trooper 2-Poopie 0.  

I was sure after all that I had missed the ATT service call to check out my internet outage.  When I came in I went to clear out the corner and noticed that the modem lights were all green?  Hmmm.   It must have been an outside thing.  Who am I to question serendipity.  So now I'm finally home and all the bitch cat can do is whine and knock shit off the table because the dogs ate her food. The trick is to not give her much so she won't leave it for them to inhale.  Oh, and she munches on dog food herself.  Just saying.

So, I'm home and settled for the day which feels pretty good at 3PM, homebody that I am.  I visited a classmate of Daddy's today and though she's 85 she still is more beautiful than I ever thought of being.  Even got a kiss!  She fell out while preparing to perform with her music group.  She's hoping the pacemaker will give her some pep back.  

Yesterday's problem carried over into today and it pretty much is what it is.  We have come to see medicine as the answer to everything like the healthcare profession will always have the answers, no matter what.  Sometimes the science just outpaces our ability to have a definitive truth.  There's lots of grey up in there.  

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend, especially me.  In fact, it's time to burn some sage and own it.

Adios ~

after hours

I'm sort of on call for a rare situation and spent the day covering my bases with all involved.  If there's one thing I've learned it's to CMA whenever possible.  Big Brother is always watching.  Another perk of handing off or sharing a situation is that everybody involved is on the same page.  It's been a long time since I spent a whole day on one problem.  

Winter has returned so I hauled out the fleece lined seriously cute coat this morning.  BG bought it last year and I claimed it when she cleaned out closets.  I was anxious to get some flip flops and bought some jakey ones at the gentral yesterday with waves in the sole.  Not. Comfy.  

I'm planning on brunch at Panera with my beautiful daughter on Sunday if the Camry plays nice.  I haven't seen her since Christmas Day when I dropped her off back at her place.  This blog comes to you courtesy of cellphone WiFI due to another random internet outage and/or modem fry.  Technician due tomorrow afternoon.  

Don't worry ~ be happy.  

growth

It's amazing how I've changed during the past year.  I've gone from being freaked the eff out that I'm not good enough to realizing my own worth as a healthcare provider all the while taking into consideration how fractured the system of care delivery is.  If you don't believe it, spend a few months in the hospital or rehab that your "insurance" covers.  Factor in several EMS transfers to and from rehab to hospital to doctor's office.  For two.  For five years.  It damn near killed me but I'm still kicking.  The sawmill is what it is and that's out of my control.

So Trump's still busy building walls and pissing people off which is kind of worrisome so early in a term.  WTF is the voter fraud thing about may I ask?  See: Florida and Jeb's brother.  Also Rick Scott, Bill Frist/HCA and Terri Schiavo.  There is no governmental right to life when someone is in a vegetative state as long as there is a qualified DPA, which her husband was.  Big Ernie will get you for that one.  

Hmmm..what else?  My friend Trisha is recovering from a minor illness that seems to be resolving itself as we speak.  I love this girl y'all.  I ran into my favorite nurse over at the other place today and discovered that her mama is none other than Judy!  Small world.  I talked to Bubba for the first time in a week or more.  That's when Mamye and Steve showed up.

It's cold again and that's normal.  Those peepers sure were nice though.  Always be faithful in life ~

dumbass of the day

That would be me, of course.  I stopped at the chicken store and paid for gas and drove right off without pumping it.  Five minutes later I was back up in there after hollering "shit" real loud as I did a U-turn on the lane.  In that five minutes, some random person enjoyed ten dollas' worth of free gas on me.  I hope it was somebody who needed it.  I even had the receipt but nooooo.  Now an honest person would go in the store and make it right.  Whoever swiped the gas was more than likely watching as I drove off with the cap popped open.  Golden opportunity.

I did that one time with a buggy full of groceries from Kroger but fortunately they were still on the curb when I got back.  Speaking of which I can't wait 'til payday so I can buy some healthy food.  And some peach pecan.  I was in the middle of passing the afternoon of the anniversary of mama's passing yesterday when I got some news that pretty much floored me.  Not what I expected to hear, by any means.  It's all good.  We keep the faith around here.  

Carry on my wayward son...

voices from the past

My one appointment of the day was with my friend Rachel who is a reporter for the local paper.  She is working on a story about the history of this little community called Samaria Bend.  I was also a person on the street for today's question which just happened to be about one of Trump's picks, namely Betsy DeVos.  Lerd.  Can you say separation of church and state??  I am a firm believer in the public education system so y'all know how that went.  My picture was cute after several tries. 

I'm trying to keep my mind away from this day last year because we were making funeral arrangements and it's still a blur.  Talking about my parents' history here on the farm with Rachel was therapeutic to say the least.  This story will span almost an entire century.  

I got to sleep in today and spent quite a bit of time laying there with the feeling of trying to wake up and not wanting to.  It's like it was a dream and I was stuck in a fog and couldn't move. Fatigue...stress.  Overload.  All of the above.  

The sun is trying to come out following several days of gloomy weather.  I could sure use a pretty sunset this afternoon.  Or a rainbow!

Faith ~

         

the language of letting go

The last time I saw my mother a year ago she was sleeping peacefully with a Babygirl at her side.  There was snow which made for a big mess at the cemetary two days later.  We had already picked out the stone and had her name put there next to Daddy's with only a birthdate for her.  T was here and on duty which was a huge blessing because you can't work there and stay there 24/7.  I was a wreck.  

It took five years for our family to get from there to there and it was a very long span of time where I was on call as healthcare SME for my parents.  As I've mentioned before it was a blessing to be an employee and not some random patient trying to access the system.  That really sucks.  

I'm all Grey's Anatomy right now with some Blacklist mixed in for distraction.  Doreen came to pick up some blood and said something about the flood which was exactly the title of the last episode I watched.  She said she never watched it because it's too much like work after work.  I bet she watches Shameless!

I still hear peepers in January and there's lots of heavy shit going down in the deep south.  Who says global warming ain't real?

Hope ~

sisterhood

Why yes I was at the sawmill today!  And it was busy!  No surprises there at all.  If Tiff hadn't brought doughnuts nobody would have eaten.  I tried heating up a frozen thingie and it smelled funny and was gummy so I passed.  In my next ORDERLY life I'll take my lunch with me.  Breakfast too.  I spent close to 50 bucks a pay period on whatever choices there are with our food service.  It's closed after 1:30 and all weekend.  

Patrick did, indeed, come and set the mailbox for me because it was a warm winter sunset and the colors were to die for.   I'm amazed at how much clearer they were from the road because I'm always just kind of looking from the hill.  He has a new job and Bev has none but that's all good.  Sam and Oscar played while he worked.  Their dog Libby is Oscar's girlfriend and he visits daily.  Unlike Larry who tried to eat the chickens!!

I feel myself coming up out of a very deep depression slowly but surely and it's lasted close to a year.  I'll never forget talking to BabySister about it after Mama passed and she relating how Mrs. Schlesinger said to her gently "but honey...your motha' just died. "  She and Annie held on to me tightly during those first few months and then Babe's husband died later in the year.  She now gets her hair done and plays bridge at the home.  Good for her!

There are women marching all over the world today for our rights in an atmosphere of disrespect from society.  Hear us roar, y'all.  I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the first lady looked during the shindig but then she's got the resources to be that way 24/7.  The older kids look shell shocked and Barron is trying to figure out how he got there.  So are the rest of us.

It is what it is and I have no power.  Sometimes I think I need some Adderol or something because I can't seem to focus on much of anything for long, wandering from here to there in a piddly fashion and touching things more than once which is a nono according to Gigi.  If you don't want it, pitch it.  

My first fire of the spring will include the seriously cute chair from the shack that two dogs destroyed by eating the arms off.  I'm talking vintage cute chintz *sigh*.   The doors and windows are open and I can hear planes flying over and golfers cussing.   We're only one month into winter so it won't last but it's nice to hear peepers in January.  

Calm ~

#45

I'm really happy that everybody played nice today in DC and attended for the media.  What was missing were the crowds outside out in those wide open spaces up front of the capitol building.  I'm honestly not a sore loser and intend to reach across the aisle on more than one occasion to those who might want to know that 1.  I blame Bill Clinton for the economic collapse of our economy because of NAFTA. and 2. I wasn't thrilled about either candidate.  Once Bernie dropped out I was over it.   It wouldn't have even mattered if EW had left her important place in Congress for the race because Putin hacked the whole deal.  In a nutshell.  

I remember the passions of protestors following the collapse of Wall Street.  Yeah, a lot of them were young but they were non-violent and standing up ( or sitting down ) for a cause.  That cause happens to be the way that Wall Street fat cats roll down easy street while us peons work 'til we die.  Remember the great crash?  Lots of suicides up in there.  Someone told me that the protestors in DC were pepper sprayed and I think that's a bit much but who am I to judge.  I mean, the whole world is watching.  

I'm on a strict budget as in rolling pennies only I don't have any rollers. My buddy called today to tell me he misses me which I already know cuz' I'm like everybody's mama.  Come on in y'all.  Patrick has promised to help me with the mailbox if it ever doesn't rain again.  The sun is out now and the humidity is lifting in a stiff breeze.  Windows open at 62 in January.  

Only in TN

gloom and doom

I spent the majority of today cleaning and washing clothes until time for a work meeting.  My plan to sleep in worked so well that I didn't roll out until 11am.  I'm trying desperately to shake my routines up so that I don't fall into that hopeless trap of not having anything to look forward to.  The solitude that I craved during all that time of drama now seems lonely at times. Thank goodness for my furbabies.  

I logged into TurboTax to get a jump on Monday and found that now charge for the privilege of including a 1099 in their "free" edition.  I have two of those by the way.  Honestly I'm not in any hurry because I won't get much back and I owe them anyway for not reporting said 1099 two years ago.  It's all a racket.  I'll be lucky to break even because I'm a single tax filer with no dependents or deductions.  

I have started a conversation with an author who is interested in the entire community here around Samaria Bend.  It's a cool story that spans generations and includes things like a one room schoolhouse that was on the Johnson property.  I can't tell you how many folks shared with me about living out here back in the day.  I suppose we were a suburb of Southtown.  

The most precious one was Mrs. Mary Crawford who stood in the dining room and remembered her sister almost dying during childbirth in that spot.  She was four years old at the time and said she'd never seen her daddy so scared.  Mr. Joe Hager also lived here at some time or another and he used to drive by now and again.  It's kind of like memory lane for a lot of people.  

Y'all play nice and have a group hug.   Onward ^j^

midnight oil

I can't remember the last time I was up at midnight or even past ten.  Some kind of adrenaline kicked in last night and I sorted through procedures like a madwoman until almost 12.  And on a school night!  The kitchen floor is still littered with the dead soldiers from ten years back and the new ones are fairly well sorted.  There's always tomorrow.  

Work was tolerable today though not slow and then out of nowhere it was like a freakin' bomb went off and we were all running our asses in circles and up and down the halls to heal the sick.  It was surreal how quick it turned into an episode of a TV medical show and it last about two hours.  Here's the thing folks.  There is a huge problem with healthcare in that it's mostly based on referring out based on acuity and often the receiving centers from rural areas like us are full themselves.  Thus, you have your little bottle neck at the local level and it extends all across the region.  

True Story.  My friend had a heart attack two weeks ago.  He is diabetic and was in DKA so that required about 48 hours to correct before the heart issues could be addressed.  His platelet count dropped so diagnostic cardiology options were limited.  Time to go, yet he was here for an entire week waiting for a bed in Jackson to become available.  He had a cath which showed three major blockages and required an open heart procedure so he was THEN shipped to Vanderbilt.  The last I heard there was still no surgery due to high blood sugar.  Dayum, this is reality y'all and it's all on your dime.  This whole ordeal will probably max out his employer subsidized health insurance benefits and there's nothing but high priced ACA out there.  Which will be replaced, dontcha' know.  Following repeal.  

Obamacare was in theory a good idea except for the fine part.  Without Republican approval of Medicaid expansion hospitals were hung out to dry and so were patients.  When I first started work there you got a single bill from the hospital with a line item review of every charge.  Then some genius decided it should all be separately billed and voila!  I currently owe at least five megagroups who are packs of specialists who live off your deductible if you are well.  They will get mine ten bucks at a time.  

Blacklist is beginning to grab me so I think that's on for a long time since I'm a newbie.  I can't help but think about where we were this time last year, in ICU and on 2N with everybody wearing Team Janice bracelets.  I would go out on the floors with an armful of the beaded peace signs and crosses and put them on somebody's arm myself.  The boys didn't get one.  I became acutely aware of how blessed I was to have my work peeps with me every step of the way through the deaths of my parents.  They cried with me and listened to me wail and made allowances ( sometimes ) for my grieving in the workplace.  It was personal, on a lot of levels.  

What amazes me the most is the complexity of the whole system and how it's all based on money.  There's so much money in it that thousands of corporations make contracts in an effort to get a piece of the pie.  Long term care is a disaster and can lead you to BK court quicker than you can say physical therapy.  While lifestyle choices are always a factor, sometimes it's just genetics and the cards are stacked against you.  That's where wellness comes into play.  

My pantry looks like a college dorm room and it's still a week 'til the eagle takes a poop.  Since I have no dishwasher, I just don't cook.  Snacking is the norm because I hate washing pans.  Ain't got time for that.

I'm gonna' shoot for another later bedtime so I can sleep in until time to meet my friend and go to a work meeting.  On my day off.  Ahem.  Anywho.....y'all give me a shout if you're in the neighborhood.

Peace ~

stand back up

Pride goeth before a fall, I told myself on many an occasion.  Usually it's after the fall that I get the message but today's spirit brought me down a notch or two so as to be a bit more humble, just in case.  You know how you have this creepy feeling that the shit's about to hit the fan?  Umm..yeah. That.  It is precisely when I center down and focus on spirituality and my inner voice.  

I saw the sun today and liked it!  In and out among the clouds old sol peeked and played with folks tired of the misty gloom.  I had a sort of meltdown today.  It's like I have PTSD with certain things and if I'm spoken to in a particular tone of voice I get the willies.  

So it's inauguration week and all that.  It will happen and I will be asleep just like when he was elected.  The sheer number of Republicans who were surprised makes me scared considering the recent revelation that Russia was involved.  Or maybe not.  Perhaps that was just a big fairy story fabricated by the media.  

I'm about to go into House of Cards withdrawals because I finished season 4 and *crickets.  Looking at Blacklist for my next binge.  I actually ordered some books yesterday and not from Amazon, thankyouverymuch.  Atticus Deak got one and there were two for me and Kimmy to share.  

Keep smiling....keep shining ^j^

in the beginning

Today's totem was hawk, soaring and swooping ahead of the Camry as I headed down the lane in the darkness.  He seemed to be leading me so I took the message and moved onward.  I never know who reads what that I post just that there's a lot of them and I ran into a friend today who was asking about the reconstruction.  She didn't realize that there were two projects I've been writing about.....one that my friend is doing downtown and the other at the house where my parents lived.  Both are fascinating.  

The sun came out for about five minutes while I was at the chicken store and all I could do was say praise Jesus.  When I woke this morning I should have been raring to go what with the weekend sleep fest but I felt achy and tight...especially the knee.  That didn't stop me from burying the peonies though.  I'm not big on hole digging so it was a little small but I stomped the clump down and covered it with dirt.  If they don't make it, it wasn't meant to be.  I 

My next project will be the mailbox so I'm hoping Patrick will help me with that.  I've got the stuff and there's even already a hole which is why the old one leans sideways.  The seriously cute mailman won't know what to do when there's an honest to god regulation box out there!  The front and back doors of the damn thing constantly fall out.  

Out of respect for Dr King I will refrain from anything political today except that which embraces freedom and equality.  And let me say, by the way, that John Lewis is my new hero.  The Donald is getting tweeted to death by those who took offense to his comments on their neighborhood.  SMH.

Think happy thoughts and always keep the faith ^j^

let us turn our thoughts today...

Growing up in the racially charged atmosphere of the 60s made a real impact on me and many others in the South.  My elementary school became integrated when I was in the fifth grade and there was one African American boy in the class.  I believe his name was Vernell.  It didn't seem odd to me at all because I grew up in a neighborhood where white and black saw no color difference, only neighbors and humanity.  The Johnson and Lanier kids played with me and my brothers on a daily basis.  

Dr King was and remains a hero to me as a freedom fighter.  That he was murdered on the balcony of the Lorraine motel by a cracker was not a surprise but definitely a sorrow.  His work with the sanitation workers in Memphis lifted them up and gave them hope in a white man's world.  He did the same wherever he went and did it in a non-violent fashion.  Sadly racial and gender equality are still issues with which we struggle as Americans.  Access to guns and a burning hatred make that a dangerous situation for everybody.   

While you enjoy your three day weekend, give some thought to the man who gave you Monday off.  I have honestly heard people call the national holiday that we observe "nigger day" and it makes me want to puke or fight, not necessarily in that order.  I have never used that word in life except when watching Kat Williams and laughing about "nigga' please."  The sad thing is that discrimination still exists bigger than ever and not just with the black community.  All of us are at the mercy of a government that does not hear our voices even when they cry out in unison for peace and equality.  

Donald Trump will be our president soon and it is what it is.  I refuse to buy into scare tactics and president bashing.  Instead I choose, as I hope you do, to look forward and make a difference one life at a time.  My House of Cards binge has made me acutely aware of the way things are done in government and that people are disposable if they know too much.  If you are on their radar, you don't have a chance.  Poverty. Crime. Healthcare crisis.  International relations.  All of these are issues which are vital to us as a people and they are in the hands of fools with power as an agenda.  In the words of my Daddy and Mr Yates  " This too shall pass."  

I think I set a personal record today for sleep.  I passed out after Papa John's about 5:30 and slept until 8 this morning.  That's a lot of zzzzzs.  I listen to my body now and rest when I have the opportunity.  I sat on the john this morning and marveled at the designs made by a flock of birds......hundreds of them....over the wheat field.  It's like their movements as a group were choreographed and reminded me of the power of God.  

May each of us seek wisdom from a higher power and pursue peace and equality as a lifestyle in spite of the bad guys.  

^j^

dirty jobs

I slept in a bit today and took my time slowly waking laying there thinking about all sorts of things.  I was in and out of dreams and for some reason replayed the great flood of 2010 in my head.  That was the headwater that trapped us here.  I was off that day and got a call about 10am from my brother that the water was coming up quick because there had been about ten inches of rain from Nashville west.  The Mississippi was close to or over flood stage so when that water hit the Forked Deer it had nowhere to go.  Lauren and I went to town for supplies and I passed the neighbor and told her to get OUT with the kids.  I assumed hubby would go with them.  

By the time we returned less than an hour later, Samaria Bend was impassable by car.  I asked Mr. Smith if I could leave my car there at his shop because it never gets up in there and we caught a ride in the back of Clara's county work truck with James Frank.  Mozella was up front with Clara.  I swear to you, that truck floated.  Donna Webb was there with Newt and they were wanting to bring the horses up to higher ground at my house.  

 Clara got us delivered and shortly after Mr. Smith called to say the water was about to get our cars!  Oh boy.  Should have left the keys in it.  Soooooo...I noticed that a pickup truck had gone to the neighbor's house and I hoofed it down there to catch a ride out to the highway.  When I arrived I found the truck door open and a screaming baby in the back seat.  I had never been in the house while this bunch lived there so I crept up to the door and hollered for help.  The neighbor and the baby's daddy were doing lord knows what but I asked for a ride when they left.  Dude pulled up in the driveway and honked shortly after.  Me and Lauren piled in the back of yet another truck.  This time, the driver was an idiot and almost killed all of us cutting through a muddy field at 50 mph to get to the golf course road.  I was ready to jump when we finally hit pavement and I'll be damned if we didn't have to go through the deepest part of the water anyway.  Dumbass.  

So the cars got moved but we had no way home.  I called my buddy Heath and he brought us through in his truck one last time.  The next vehicle that went through was a tractor and then it was too deep even for that.  The details are fuzzy.  I stayed with Gigi and BG stayed with somebody else so we could get to work.  It took a week for the road to become passable.  Meanwhile, James Frank took daddy in a boat up to the bypass to catch a ride to Dr. Guthrie.  You seriously can't make this shit up.  

I had a short list and forgot that the post office opens at 9 so I went from there to Lowe's for quickrete.  I have mom and daddy's mailbox and seriously need to get it in the ground.  Back to the post office for stamps and then onward to the gentral.  I left the house with a shovel and a box determined to move my daddy's fuschia colored peonies to my yard.  To say I'm out of shape for that kind of work is an understatement.  After much cussing, self motivational speeches and a visit from daddy's spirit, I finally got the clump out of the ground and into the trunk.  Where it still sits, by the way.  I figure i'll pay a kid 20 bucks to do the mailbox and get to the peonies tomorrow.  I was tempted not to make that last stop at Casa Grands but I know me and if I hadn't done it then, it would not have happened.  Room for the spirit to work, so to speak.  

At the crossover on Samaria Bend this morning I stopped and gawked at a convoy of humvee looking vehicles streaming north on 51 and wondered if it was guard weekend or the army's here.  You never know.  I hear their blackhawks over at the airport from time to time.  It's a distinctly different sound from the Air Evac that runs over my roof daily.  

Mamye found a super dooper deal on NICE crockpots at Kroger and just so happened to find one with Steve's Broncos logo on it.  Before they came to visit she asked if I wanted one ....Steelers.  I told her I didn't care if it had Trump's face on it, for fifteen bucks bring it on.  Which she did, and a good time was had by all.  I was wore ass out and they headed home shortly after.  

Baby steps ~

off the grid

Like many of you I am world weary.  There is too much technology available to all ages that has precluded silence and "just being."  That is holy time and should be fully experienced.  That's what blogging is for me.  It's a vehicle to let my mind wander and tell little stories about this or that.  When I first started I was one of those who bitched all day every day about the war.  It took awhile for me to see that was not good for my soul.  

Also during that time I fell completely head over heels in love, from a distance.  That worked for me because I did my own thing.  We are still friends to this day.  We went through our parents' deaths together.  We know what's up with the kids.  That easy sort of friendship where you don't have to explain a lot because the history is there is something that will always calm a soul.  There's a group of folks that I know would come running if I needed them and he's one.  By the grace of God, I have a large group.  

I went to bed with the air on so it was kind of chilly when I got up and the temp had dropped 30 degrees.  Crazy weather, just saying.  The mist is thick and low like in a horror movie.  If there were corn up it would be the perfect setting for the children to come out as zombies.  

Enjoy your whatever ~

mad enough to spit

Healthcare is the number one industry in the great state of Tennessee.  Bob Corker is a "moderate" Republican who put forth an amendment during Senate hearings on repealing the ACA.  His amendment proposed putting off the deadline for dismantling the ACA until at least March in order to find a workable replacement for the millions who will be affected.  There were lots of amendments put forth, and in the end he WITHDREW his.  So much for moderate.  Tennessee is the home to corporate headquarters of some of the giants in the healthcare sector as well as to Blue Cross Blue Shield.  One would think that it would be a priority to prop up the business a bit with things like accepting Medicaid money but noooooo.  That was nixed from the get go.  Corker had a chance to at least make a statement to his fellow party members and he bricked.   That being said, I'll take him over Alexander any day.   It's a short rant...and it is what it is. As a healthcare provider I'm curious to see what "replace" looks like. 

While I'm disheartened by the state of things, I realize that it's out of my control.  If I hear one more person call Medicare and Social Security "entitlements" I'll probably climb the water tower.  I've been paying for those future benefits my entire career.  They are not a handout but money that the federal government has forcibly taxed me with and I expect them to be there.  In 2016 alone, I paid over 3K in SS and almost a thousand for the medicare "tax".  That is money that I earned the hard way.

Enough ranting.  It's 72 degrees and it doesn't look things are gonna' change more than 10 or 15 degrees over the next week.  Something ain't right with this picture.   I'm not complaining though.  It beats ice and snow.  

I hit the door running at the sawmill today because there are always lots of sick folks.  You just never know what a day's going to bring and this was no exception.  We just keep on keeping on!

I'm kind of wordless today which seems odd.  It must mean I've purged enough lately to be somewhat at peace.  As the boxes are explored and the memories sorted through,  I'm getting to relive a part of life that I had forgotten.  I'm grateful that my mother and daddy were camera freaks.  

Don't stop thinking about tomorrow ~

duck season

I  live in a sort of wildlife sanctuary surrounded by the Forked Deer river.  There are only one or two who have permission to hunt and one is all about the ducks.  Thus....BOOOMMM!   Tis the season.  I heard them shooting as I was outside cleaning the car and carrying in supplies from the 'gentral.  

Meanwhile, I returned a call from someone whom I only recently met but who is my kind of gal.   We discussed everything from career options to family history.  Then Mamye called and we made a pact to catch up after their doc's visit.  Therefore, I've accomplished nothing except one load of clothes.  Hey...the day is young.  

I've been tripping over season 3 of House of Cards considering the current state of our affairs in the USA.  I honestly have the soundtrack as an earwig.  I've read all sorts of insults and tributes following the last official speech of our President.  I admire him tremendously.  While I disagreed with the level of troop drawdown in the Middle East and the corporate bailouts, I think he has done the right thing most every time, or at least tried.  A Republican congress is a nasty battle to fight.  McConnell will die someday a lonely angry old man and I'll just say "bless his heart."  

Having a bonus day.  And loving it ~

homecoming

Lerd, what a day.  It was busy from start to finish so it's a good thing I left my badass phone at home.  It was sort of free feeling to not be tied to the outside world by the devil.  It has rained all day long and is blowing like a hurricane but in the 50s so I'll take it and say thank you.  My friend's husband was in a terrible wreck a couple of months ago and I saw her for the first time since I met her in the ER parking lot.  She showed me video of Rodney dancing with his therapist and playing piano.  God is good.  All the time.  

Shortly before I left I answered the work phone and was greeted by none other than WW Council's grandson Hiya.  I last saw him when his mother was a patient.  He didn't know Mom had died and was sad to hear it when he expressed condolence for Daddy.  Said he always liked him.  He and his brother spent their childhood running this farm as did my brothers.  

The mayor called last night for her B12 shot so I moseyed on down there in the rain to shoot her up.  Her house is always locked up tight but the door was open and it was dark so I just hollered and wandered on back.  I found her in the "warm" room watching TV.  She struggled with her cane to get out of the recliner and show me where the stash was.  I had already run into the owner of my final resting place, Gerald.  His and Danny's dogs got in a fight and he tried to break it up.  Guess who has cellulitis.

Sage burning aside, I feel the karma in my life moving to a more positive level.  I refuse to harbor hate no matter how heinous the act may seem.  I don't want to hear about people dismembering their babies or Republicans freaking out on the news.  I want happy shit, by golly.  As for Trump, I figure that orange hair will make him an easy target.  Remember when everybody was all freaked out about Y2K?  I see inauguration night as being like that.  

Be gentle with your soul ~

my heroes

Lorna and I met quite accidentally through a mutual friend who just KNEW we would be soul sisters.  While I've plodded along working for corporate she has traveled the world.  It soon became evident to me that one of our biggest bonds was living in pecan orchards.  Her's is all up front. The one I enjoy lines the road.  Notice I didn't call it "mine".   She has three children and her son is a man with vision way beyond his years.  I stopped by his restoration project this afternoon and got an upclose and personal look at that brick and red concrete.  The ceilings gleam with piping against original metal ceiling tracks.  According to his mom, he and his sister caught the technology bug from their dad Horace.  

Chris was the facilitator for a class we attended a couple of years ago called CoStarters.  It was a well put together set of instructions and training exercises focused on defining a business goal and making it happen.  I don't know about ya'll but I'd love nothing more than to give corporate my notice and pursue a dream.  Through that interaction with local business professionals I could actually see the possibilities in my life.  And then all those people started dying.  

I know at times it seems that I make excuses. The truth is, I know my limits and pick my battles.  Long ago I recognized procrastination as a passive aggressive behavior.  Maybe if I just did a primal scream or two I'd get something done.  

And just bless all our hearts ~

forward

I have recovered enough that I'm disgusted with the state of my house and intend to get it clean, Soon.  Today I'm digging through the 20 or so boxes that came to me from Casa Grands.  I take after my mother in the sense umm...really not much.  She was organized and I have that proof in my house.  That helps. I found my favorite human interest picture that I've ever taken of Joe Wood and Ernest fishing down at the riverbed.  Some of Daddy and his buds at the last dove hunt.  Mama in England and on other girl trips.  

One stack was all about Daddy's job as a plant specialist with the USDA.  I remember him going to Florida when the boat people came doing inspections for and seizing produce.  That was when his job as a local was phased out and turned into what now is homeland security.  Let that one sink in.  He tracked Japanese beetle, Gypsy Moth and a whole lot more from a tiny office in the basement of Baird Brewer.  

He was also a Paul Harris fellow, Redcoat of the Year at Dyersburg Regional, president of the local UT association, lifetime member of the Dyer Co Fair Association.  He ran around with a bunch of guys who were smartasses like him and had wives that Mom clicked with on the social level.  Pop was one of those guys and he passed not long after my Mom.  

It's good therapy to do this and I'm glad I didn't just jump in there and start throwing shit away.  Mama would be mortified!  As I find pictures from the past I'm making piles with people in mind.  Somebody who might like to see a brief glimpse of what was.  

About to light the sage ^j^ 

long winter's nap

In spite of my fierce resolve to NOT go out in the ten degree weather I was forced to make a 'gentral run for cat food because Lily is not a happy camper when we're out.  It's so bright out there with the snow and quite pretty with a backdrop of deep green winter wheat.  And oh the redbirds how they stand out!

I slept for 12 hours again and it was glorious to sleep deeply and be able to breathe.  I have running water which is something a lot of people can't say at this point in time.  We discovered a couple of weeks ago when it froze in spite of my constant dripping that the heat lamp on the pump was out.  Problem solved by Greg Collier who actually thawed me out with a blowtorch one winter. On a Sunday, no less. 

The snow reminded me of Mama's last days. When she was in the hospital for the last time my brother had to outrun a winter storm to get here.  On her last day, I had 9 kinds of trouble getting deiced and to work but I made it.  BG was working at the home and all the day shift people called in so she had to stay over and help get the residents up and fed.   She piled up in the chair next to Memaw and they both slept peacefully while the snow fell.  You can't take that kind of memory away.

She has a new life now that began at Aspell Recovery Center just a few months later.  Her hotel experience has landed her a job at one in Jackson.  This chick worked the graveyard shift at our local Best Western for three years and commuted to UTM to get a BSW.  Talk about "you gotta' wanna"  The one she worked at previously in the 'burg is now a CVS that nobody goes to.  It won't last a year.

The talking points these days on the right seem to be like make america great again and bring god back into our country etc.  News flash kids....God never left.  I'm pretty sure he's just shaking his head at all the idolatry and planning some sort of catastrophic event the day of Trump's inauguration show.  If I had a dollar for every Republican who would ask for a re-do of what they made happen, I'd be in Fiji.  Think before you vote.  When Boehner left the lead position, I knew it was all downhill.  

Here's what's on the table more or less.  Repeal of the ACA with no workable alternative.  Overturning Roe v Wade.  Dicey foreign relations with just about every superpower in the world.  Lorna and I discussed yesterday about how to maintain serenity with all this looming.  It's hard to stay peaceful but worrying never solved a thing.  I just hope it's quick when the end comes.  

Tomorrow is Epiphany Sunday which was an unknown to me until the year I attended a service and really listened to the meaning.  Just as the wise men followed that star to the stable, we must all follow the star that leads how we live our lives.  Never lose sight of hope, and always do the next right thing.

^j^

10% chance

When I woke up this morning the first thing I did was look outside at the weather.  No snow...nada.  I got dressed and as I passed by the window again noticed that the damn ground was covered in white.  Car too.  It came on that quick and hard.  So, here we go in the (not so) trusty Camry down Pecan Lane covered in powdery white stuff toward the sawmill.  I made it fine until I took the right on Tickle and did a little slide action which I was able to correct before impact with the other car.  My friend Sondra lives in Jackson which got more than us and she was involved in a wreck before they ever left town for the 'burg.  It was one of those exchange insurance info and report later deals because there were wrecks everywhere.  She said 412 was horrid.  

As usual for a snow day it was pretty quiet which tells me that most of the time that bunch packed into the ER is just using it for a clinic.  If not, weather would not stop them.  One of our local urgent care clinics actually had to close because both of the providers were sick themselves!  

It's pretty to look at when you don't have to leave the house. I have no intention of going anywhere, not even the gentral.  And the water will remain dripping from here 'til the temp gets above 32.  

Let it snow~

flurries and brine

I had a post almost ready to publish yesterday and ERASED it by mistake.  I've done that before and just say eff it...i'm such a rambler I could never remember what I just wrote.  I do remember mentioning myself as a survivor of the creeping crud finally.  Today was even better.  My friend likened it to being in a coma for several days which I totally was.  The Walking Dead, viral edition.  

I passed the brine sprayer on the way home because there's a slight chance of snow.  In my experience it doesn't seem to help much but it's better than nothing I suppose.  I'm usually one of the first on the road so I make my own tracks and go slow.  It's probably too soon to declare success but I think the tumeric is helping with my knee inflammation.  Shoulder too.  Time will tell.

It's pretty quiet now that the hoopla of the holidays is over.  This, I don't mind one bit.  I'm just shy of being a recluse anyway so it suits me fine to stay in and piddle.  The silence of no Larry is strange but welcome.  I tried my best but he was just too much dog for me and the rest of the pack.  My Pollyanna self believes that he will be adopted or at least fostered to have a chance to be the good dog he is.  He needs a fenced area to run, for sure.  That car chasing is a no win.  

Yesterday's post also had a healthcare rant included which I won't go into again because it's out of my control and raises my BP.  Expect a surge in ER visits soon after the ACA is repealed.  The entire industry is built like an upside down pyramid with the money making part on the top long end.  That little tip at the bottom is preventive services and wellness.  When these benefits are offered at no cost it's a huge investment in curbing future diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure which cause just about every other health condition known to man.  End stage renal disease is particularly rampant in our area due to a predominance of diabetes.  The end of life care costs for these types of patients are out the roof.  Same for cancer care.

Today's quote from Yaya's tiny calendar:  "Above all be the heroine of your life, not the victim."  Nora Ephron

too little too late

I've worked in a hospital for 40 years and seen the practice of medcine go from an overnight stay on the insurance companyfor a "checkup" to being scheduled weeks in advance for a procedure.  At that time health insurance was a fully employer paid perk and the ones who didn't have that could access care through Medicaid or Medicare.  I mean, back then you could afford to pay for a CBC out of pocket.  

I am seriously worried about the future of healthcare in this country.  The very things that make it hard to deal with like big pharm and insurance only thrive in a political environment like that of Trump et al.  I suppose he could buy the rest of that Chinese billionaire's stock and save our jobs.  

Preventive care, wellness, nutrition and spiritual awareness are all important for your health.  Alternative medicine though pooh poohed by some, actually worsks, especially cannabis. It's science ya'll.  Gah.

The blinds are about to be closed so I can't see the dreariness of this day which looks exactly like the last two.  I think I'll make a sun and paste it on the window!!!

Roll with it baby ~

like a good neighbor

Pat and Beverly have been awesome neighbors ever since they moved in.  They keep me supplied with country eggs and share meals whenever they do it up big.  He brought me some peas and cornbread yesterday for luck. They have also give me rides when the weather or the ornery Camry are not good.  They shared produce from their large garden all summer long and keep a watch on the traffic out here.  I seriously could not be more blessed.  

The crud is a tiny bit better this morning following a 14 hour nap.  It's been a very long time since I've been this sick so I am laying low and being kind to self.  Tax time is around the corner....I read that the 23rd is opening day for filing.  TurboTax already has me hooked up by email.  I owe the IRS several hundred bucks on some unreported income from 2013 so I'm assuming they'll take that off the top.  I can no longer file as head of household so that will hurt.  Millions of Americas are looking at losing insurance via a Trump repeal of the ACA.

I just heard the rest of the story on the Christmas houses that I gave my buddy.  He surprised wifey AND both kids by having them set up with their elves one morning. You cannot make this shit up.  Continued prayers for this family, if you will.

We haven't seen the sun in days and it will be several more with snow in the forecast end of week.  Bring it on....I've got rock salt.  Y'all be careful out there.  

Peace ~

and a happy new year

I sure do hate to be a whiner but DAMN this crud is relentless.  I stopped by the sawmill and found that the one who came down with it same day as me went to ER in desperation.  If I don't see some improvment by tomorrow,  off to urgent care I will go.  This bug don't play.

It's quiet around here which makes me realize how much Larry barked.  At like....everything.  Then the others would start in and it was much ado about nothing but a squirrel.  Or the wind.  Or the Air Evac.  If hatchet man ever does show up, you can be sure I'll know it.  I made not one but two gentral stops this morning because I forgot to get ice scrapers and rock salt.  Old man winter is headed our way this week.  I have almost killed myself on many occasions trying to just get the car ready for work.  I'm excited to see if the tumeric does all the wonderful things I've read about.  

The carnage in Turkey is tragic and becoming the norm.  It seems to be a trend that the violence is done by those who kill and run like cowards these days rather than the usual suicide bomber deal.  For some reason, that scares me even more.  That we will have Donald Trump as president in less than a month makes me ill.  I did not vote for Obama the first time.  That being said, I believe he is one of the greatest presidents in the history of our country.  He inherited a giant POS from Dubya and made some mistakes along the way as we all do when we're growing into the role.  His past four years have been spent fighting the status quo to try and get something done to protect our rights.  I hear talk of Trump privatizing the VA which is a horrible thought.  That organization is dedicated to serving those who have served our country and doesn't need to be run as a business except for the good of veterans.  The government can do that if the process is simplified.  

I did some sparklers and roman candles and turned in way before midnight.  Mamye came by for a visit while I was roasting pecans and shot a couple herself.  I only spent five bucks and still have some for today!  I talked my brother into Charlottesville for weather yesterday which is about the only chance we have to catch up.  Kinda' like with Heather and her commute.  I ran by the sawmill to pick up some work for home tomorrow because I can't really concentrate on anything up there besides the usual ebb and flow.  As soon as you start something like that, the shit hits the fan.  

There is a brand new Mary Engelbreit wall calendar over my desk which makes me happy. Here's hoping to a new year full of love and peace and extra joy.  We can make it happen together.

^j^