the guilt trip

My parents are 83 and 81 respectively and living out their golden years about a mile down the road from me. She is fiercely independent and can be a bit of a nag sometimes so I can feel Daddy's pain about her "spells" when she becomes master of the universe and not quite patient with my situation. I am on call 24/7 as healthcare DPA for the two of them because I'm "almost a nurse." They are on a mission to live out their lives together for better or worse and though I've not experienced that kind of love, I'm happy for them. That they expect me to run interference in a situation where there is nothing that can be done if they won't accept help really wears me out. She asked me to come check out his mental status yesterday and I found her on the floor tying his tennis shoes because the boots got torn up and pitched in the garbage. This is the culmination of a two week run with multiple falls for him. He got a cane today from the DME place and I was instructed to return the other one to the butter churn in the living room where it came from. I have one day off from the sawmill which will entail rolling pennies to afford the antibiotic for my raging MRSA infection and turning tricks to cover the overdraft. You so wish you were me.

I used to think that I knew the right thing to do but this situation has me baffled so I reckon I'll just leave them alone and show up at the ER when called as emergency contact. Don't ask me for a copy of the living will because it's twenty years old and in a box somewhere. That, is how we roll. I'm telling you right now that when I'm down and out and need some help I will choose wisely. Eldercare is serious business considering the passages that are in motion. There is a lot of profit to be made in that area and that's not always a good thing.

I am tired beyond words...as MAM would say, weary. Most people are and that's where finding your happy place comes in. If I had some money I'd be all getting my hair done and buying a new dryer so we don't have to haul wet clothes over to Shannah's. You can damn near buy one for the price of a service call, if you know what I mean. This is definitely not the American dream that I bought into.

Somebody in a plane is having a grand time with today's sunset over Pecan Lane and the asparagus might be poking up for their last hurrah before May. Hopefully Monsanto won't kill it.

^j^