off the grid

I met with church staff today about Mama's service and I know that we are all on the same page which is a blessing.  Sitting in that office with them talking about my Methodist heritage brought even more peace to me than yesterday.  While I was there Bubba called to say the NEW windows are being delivered and dude just showed up with round 2 through the side door above that little porch.  And doors too!!!  I can't believe it's really happening, ya know? Our neighbor and pallbearer Gerald and his wife Judy delivered a ten pound meat and cheese tray plus bread and mayo.  Carney's pimento cheese is at Mo's house and the church ladies will deliver around service time.

Fast forward to the next day and I find window guy hard at it with my room done when we returned from the funeral.  Things started early with us gathering as a family first and then joined by friends for a lovely visitation.  Mom looked stunning in her honeymoon suit and her hair all did and she was clutching the pics that the youngest grandkids made just for her.  Our family is tighter now, smaller but more solid with bonds being set that will carry us forward through our own golden years.  The service was pure Mama through the words and actions of so many.  She struggled with fear at the end, not sure if God is real.  A dear friend explained to her that by the love shown in her life toward others, there was the proof.  I like that concept because love is never conditional.

We committed her back to Big Ernie from whence she came.  There was a surprise! appearance by a pall bearer that we thought would be out of town and all of them shivered in the cold on that hill in spite of topcoats.  Nobody fell in the hole so there's that to be thankful for.  The flowers were gorgeous and some will be delivered to nursing home patients tomorrow as she would want.  The church fed us (again) at Mo's house and by the time we ate little Charlie was already home from a procedure in Jackson.  All phones were on vibrate just in case.  After the meal which is, ummm... funeral food to die for,  we made our way out but not before making a pact for a May gathering when T is back.  And yes, there will be deviled eggs.

My nature is to be very much like Mama in a lot of ways.  It's hard work to fight the anxiety that comes from not being in control and all the therapy and SRUIs in the world can't heal it if you don't have faith.  That is exactly what my mother gave me and I will carry it forward.

^j^