Monday, October 12, 2015

the empty nest

I've never really lived alone since I first started work and moved into an apartment close to the hospital.  I remember being scared to death and calling my daddy freaked out because I heard something outside the window.  He promptly told me to forget about it ... it's the wind.  And of course, it was.  That was in the middle of town.  Another time after we married we lived in a two level deal with bedroom upstairs and the rest down.  It opened out onto a huge gully that was filled with wildlife and while it was a sight to behold, the critters were mean.  Especially this one possum that got stuck in the garbage can and  freaked me smooth out while my husband was on the graveyard shift.  We were still taking call then which is something I can't even fathom now.

Yesterday was emotionally distressing on a lot of levels and they all came out sideways when a couple of folks proceeded to tell me how to live my life and how ungrateful I am.  Not just any two people, mind you. It was full sport contact day for let's kick Janie in the guts and  watch her cry.   Do not criticize me on issues which are mutual, no matter whom you are.  Remember the guy with the log in his eye?  Yeah.  That being said I immediately called an ear that I knew would understand and proceeded to unload on him.  He gave me clarity and the courage to say fuck it.  

Today was doctor Wyatt day so I met up with Mom at his office for our usual hmmm and squeakkkk...his hearing aids whistle the whole time he's got them out and it's like mime communicating with him.  He and Mom go way back to the days of our Dyer County Lifeline volunteer blood board days.  We work for the same company if that tells you anything.  His partner Dr. H is a delightful man with a wicked sense of humor and memory who remembers my entire family.  Just like old home week with a new name badge.  

BG finally caught the bitch cat and hauled her ornery ass to their new home last night.  She came here from work and found me in tears and I could tell she knew what I was feeling because she has felt it too.  Too many losses that aren't properly processed will knock you for a loop and I have a whole new respect for those who struggle with PTSD from their professions.  Even with the dead people practice I've had over the years, it's different when it's your own and they come in multiples.   Like in natural disasters where entire families are wiped out or the summer of 2015.

Tomorrow night is a big one for inquiring minds when the Democratic candidates show of what they are made of under pressure.  I see no surprises coming up...Uncle Joe will be charming and ineffective.  Hillary will holler Benghazi and Bernie will just keep on doing what he's doing and  wait for the applause.  There are no strict lines with this man, and teamed with the right running mate he could lead this country out of the desert.  He is not a pure socialist, by definition.  His biggest trump over HC will be his vote against the Iraq war. Very few were brave and far sighted enough to not be sheep on that one.  Oddly enough, one of the others was Ron Paul.  I guess they do kind of resemble each other style wise.  

My cousin Debbie was a big Hillary fan during our "we hate Dubya" years and neither of us were real smitten with Obama.  With a few exceptions, including TPP and Wall Street bailout, I respect her as a statesperson and lawmaker. I always felt kind of sorry for him because I thought he wasn't strong enough to fight his own worst enemy which was Cheney and Halliburton.  Look at that strategic planning opportunity for the war machine!   Sometimes the devil wins.  

Speaking of which, I am NOT the devil today but I'm tired from being Satan all day on the Lord's day. Serves me right for not going to church.  Hey, I went grocery shopping instead which was a spiritual journey in and of itself.  I got BG staples like condiments and flour so she can cook her little heart out.  We both love it but hate the cleanup with no dishwasher.  As I was approaching the lane, I saw the cloud of bean dust and knew it was on like donkey kong with the Pritchetts.  Mr. Neely parks his truck and wanders around supervising while Joey and his crew do the deed.  And yes, I'm stocked up on AC filters.  

Life is becoming a little more manageable and less frantic and that's what my soul needs right now.  I can handle an occasional up and down but crisis mode as a lifestyle is for the birds.  Mom told me I should "go out and have fun" between 2 and 6 every day.   I guess I'm old but all I want to do is hunker down in my house and listen to the dogs snore.  

Faith ~  

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