Sunday, July 28, 2013

seeing fall

My mama and I have always had this thing where we "see fall" coming by the slant of the sun in the early morning and late evening hours. Subtle at first with cicadas sounding off the end of a mid summer day the change becomes evident when the greens peak and you remember that winter always come. But then again, so does spring. That exact truth which I have experienced first hand by living on this farm gives me a great deal of faith that there is a time and a place for everything and Big Ernie is the one in charge, not me. I used to be a big time worrier about every little damn thing and I finally realized that by carrying that worry around, I was not being led. To be led is to surrender to a higher power and believe that there is goodness and purpose for our world. I know, I know. I'm such a sap when it comes to Utopia.

Not much activity in the flea market biz but that's okay because we've been sick and stuff. I hope I never get shingles because it looks like it BAD! I know two others who have had them and you have to wonder about the stress level of our way of life when that kind of stuff flares up daily. There are days that I feel that I'm allergic to the world because the air is filled with so many toxins. I own the fact that as a smoker I'm contributing to that. I got the yard mowed and managed to move three tires without ever getting off the thing. Towanda!

We went to the place where you can't hear but the food is good and had what we've each had every single time, it's that good. I'm about ready to explore other menu items. Daddy was reading the old signs on the wall and mama said "I wish I could see it all!" I said "Mama. So do I and I meant in the way that I had always taken for granted how dark her world is becoming. She wants to get the grandkids a birthday present there too. I've got a glass ordered for my window and an estimate on the install so that's MY birthday present!

My high school best friend's siblings had an estate sale for their family home and I could tell that she was feeling the pain of that last walk through the homeplace. We grew up in that house and in mine, turning from wild ass on the edge teenagers who got smart enough to focus our brains on something that matters in this world, and not just fitting in. She chose drama and science was the hook for me. Each of us, in our own way, has evolved from small town girls who got caught up in the sappy rituals that were fifties and sixties in the south. We were more of Woodstock kinda gals and just pretended to buy into it. She left immediately, never to return except for visits with her family and almost always me. We made Mama Staff's cutout christmas cookies with her now adult son in my kitchen covered with flour.

I've often wondered what would have happened to each of us if something hadn't clicked between our souls where we saw that not being responsible isn't an option. Most of the people we were running with at that time were older. I remember riding around with a now deceased friend and being freaked out over my first experience with something. There was the guy who got me drunk on Old Charter and tried to have his way and almost did BUT. Big Ernie stepped in to save me! I do so love a happy ending.

There were two fatal car accidents here over the weekend one involving a fine lady that I had the pleasure of working with. In the blink of an eye, ya'll. It can be easy and quick or long and tortuous but it's not your call. Chew on that one John Boehner.

Faith ^j^

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