forfeit

I am literally feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders right now in spite of consistent efforts to practice self care.  This is normally where I say fuck it and forget about everything for awhile.  Honestly, I'm just going through the motions right now.  Grief and loss coupled with constant motion are overwhelming at times.  That's when I go into hibernation with 12 hour naps for days on end.  If the karma gods play right, I'll have two 3 day holiday weekends to catch up on rest.  If not, plan B.  I found out I've been calling washer guy the wrong name the whole time he's been trucking out here in spurts to fix the damned thing.  I remember him from church way back when.

To those of you who find joy in trolling the internet and smacking down people with whom you disagree, I say this : You win.  Game over.   I quit Candy Crush after about 3 weeks because it was nothing but a waste of energy and arguing with a troll is about the same thing.  I do not speak of those who seek intelligent discourse, only the smartasses who claim to know it all and belittle others to feel superior.  That's an entire chapter in the book of narcissism.

A young lady that I work with has a babygirl that she's never been away from and she's headed to the Bahamas for a birthday cruise tonight.  She got news of a family death right after she arrived at the sawmill and had to tell her mother and aunt that their sister had died suddenly.  I knew from the first time I met her that she was a keeper!  She and all my other peeps at the sawmill make it bearable when the shit hits the fan  like it has lately.  Doctors on power trips have been a real thorn in my side as the protector of our blood supply over the years.  To them I say, also:  You win.

My entire existence here on the farm has been based on a gentleman's agreement between a long dead corporate lawyer and my recently deceased farmer father.  With Daddy's death the game changed yet again.  I have been a tenant in this house for 28 years and paid huge amounts for energy to stay warm and cool because of poor insulation.  That was my choice because I love it here.  Daddy spent 10K on floors back when I manually pulled up carpet and walked on painted wood for a couple of years.   I appreciated the whole new look and the rent didn't go up until leadership changed.  I'm not always on the dot with $$ but the bills get paid eventually.  The way I see it I've already paid for the windows about fifty times over.  My bad, and you win.

Trump v Bernie?  Heh.  This gonna' be good y'all.