blowout

You would think that I would have learned by now how to master the ostomy thing after almost three years.  But noooooo.  I constantly have leaks and pancaking which means frequent changes.  Supplies are expensive and so are specialist visits.  My insurance is amazingly good but it only pays 80% on durable medical equipment which leaves me with a chunk out of pocket.  I have to have it so, there ya go.  I am discouraged on many levels as I struggle myself and watch my daughter struggle as well.  She will lose her car if she doesn't come up with 200 bucks by Wednesday which is a long shot.  She has a large cleaning job which she can't do tomorrow because she can't even walk on her bum knee.  She is down and I'm right down there with her.  Prayers up please!

It was on the third Sunday of Advent when my mother went to church and her hip broke.  She didn't fall, it just snapped and she crumpled down on the floor of the church.  EMS was called and I showed up at the ER for what would be the beginning of the end.  We chose the least invasive surgery which was pinning.  That Christmas Lauren and Bubba and I showed up at the rehab with our traditional cheese grits and sausage casserole and some gifts.  I remember looking at her in that private dining room looking so pale and weak and I knew the end was near.  She never went back to assisted living.  She did amazingly well during the first surgery and even the second one where they did a hip replacement.  It all went south when she developed a pain in the belly which turned out to be a ruptured diverticulum.  Her white count was 40K even with four different IV antibiotics.  The only fix was yet another surgery which the surgeon said she would not survive.  And so began hospice and bringing the family together.  It snowed the day before she died on January 23rd.  I was at work and Lauren spent the day after her shift at the nursing home, quietly snoozing in the room next to her.  Tommy arrived from Virginia that night and was with her when she passed.  All of this was only five months after Daddy died.  It was a lot in a short period of time to say the least.  

I think that going through all those deaths in one year (there were more) helped to push me over the edge to retire early.  Life is short.  My parents had long and blessed lives but it shakes me to the bone to think that I am 67 with several health issues.  I reckon I can blame my diverticulitis on heredity.  I have always had IBS with alternating constipation and diarrhea and the one medicine that worked for me was withdrawn because it contained Librium.  All of my scopes showed diverticulosis so it was destined for that to happen. And I have osteoporosis like my mother did, and can't afford the 5K injection with a hefty co-pay.  I've had four and showed little change on this year's dexascan.  

I watched the FUMC cantata online with el baggo this morning and was totally amazed at the musical talent shared in celebration of our Lord's birth.  My cousin is in the choir and I've never heard her sing a solo but WOW.  She has a beautiful voice.  Tonight is the children's program and traditional figgy pudding with men carrying the luscious cakes out on lighted trays while everybody sings.  

I sound like I'm whining a bit, and I suppose I am.  Trying to believe that it will all be alright is hard sometimes, especially when your child is down and out and you can't help.  She has tried so hard for so long and keeps getting knocked down time and again.  

Bubba just brought me some honey from the hives out here, frozen meat and pyracantha limbs from Daddy's old tree that he transplanted in his yard.  It was a gift from Daddy's brother-in-law Jere many many years ago.  What goes around comes around.

Y'all be blessed and thankful for the miracles in your life ^j^