twice a child

I think one of the hardest things about being an elder caregiver is trying to not come on as the heavy but as a problem solver and offer choices.  Nothing pisses off a soul of ANY age more than being dismissed as not competent to be heard.  So many times when BG was a little kid I just screamed at her to hush out of pure exasperation  with constant chatter.  When she was about four and we took aerobics together, my friend MM chided me on that and said to lighten up.  Only then did I see that I was repeating the pattern set for me by my father the ornery old coot of a sharecropper's son.  In his heyday he accomplished things that others only dreamed about.  He was president of everything all the time and Mama was a close second.

Right now, he sees me as the enemy because I recognize that their living situation is not safe and would like for them to be a bit more, ahem..stable.   Every baby boomer that I know is either currently living  it or has already been there and got a t-shirt or five.  Expect nothing, said my ex.  That way you'll never be disappointed.  Some people were raised that way but not me.  I was taught to dream and plan even if I didn't get the gift of organizational skills.  The "idea person" if you will.  When our hospital hired our first PR person I applied for the job on a manual typewriter and turned in something that they probably laughed at.  It didn't matter because the candidate was already chosen and she was not me.  Oddly enough, she was no more organized!

My friend Kay works for a company that recognizes her face value and has retained the tradition of family business.  I had that for a long time but now it's gone and I miss it.  At the off-site thing yesterday I ran into a guy who was assistant O back in our county days and he filled in the gaps on who the board members were at the time, now all long gone.  That gave me some clarity on how the whole thing went down, and I'm not done asking questions yet.  Hide and watch.

So tomorrow brings another opportunity to get out of the box for a spell and I'm not dreading it so there's that.  At least I get to sit down for a day.