acting as if

It's an age old trick of the mind to pretend that the whole world isn't going to hell in a handbasket and keep on the sunny side...like, you know, act as if everything's gonna' be alright.  And eventually, it will be.  It's just that the process of getting there is hell sometimes.  I keep reading all these inspirational quotes on FB about how the storms and tragedies of life are in direct proportion to the blessings that are JUST around the corner and sometimes I have trouble with that kind of magical thinking.  I've witnessed more than a few random acts of kindness including the now famous BF and I cling to those as if they were life rafts when times get really hard.  I am at that age in life where I'm too old to be taken care of  but too young to just give up because it's just me against the world.  Watching my parents age has been very hard like it is for everybody, and there were times past when I only thought I knew what it was like to be a caregiver.  Once an adult, twice a child. I find tears creeping out at the oddest times like when I think of one of my parents and all that they have been to me and I can't imagine not having either of them.  Yet, it will come and I will be the elder.  That scares me more than a little even though I'm pretty much managing the whole circus now.

My time here on the farm is finite and dependent on the generosity of people who don't really know anything about the heritage of this place. I am in a state of financial ruin partly because I chose to leave a marriage that wasn't working.  I have one last opportunity to straighten out the mess and find a means to support my golden years self.  If my life goes like the ones I've seen lately, after I am forced to quit working for bad health I will be dependent on a small percentage of what I've paid in over the years in SS and Medicare.  My friend Carl suggested that we do away with entitlements by offering a living wage to everyone who works and a reduced amount to the disabled.  No more extra bucks for kids or SNAP or anything that encourages not making a meaningful contribution to society. I like the "if you don't work yaya" attitude.  If everybody had about 40K to live on  the robber barons wouldn't have us by the balls.  Instead, the Kochs and Soros get richer by the day.

So how about that Caitlyn J huh?  All I can say is just bless 'em.  Living life on TV as freaks is pretty much an invitation to be dysfunctional.  I bet they're laughing all the way to the bank.

Peace out ~