We are Nurse Jackie fans like BAD and I bought three seasons of it before TV came back to the hill. I watched them and House of Cards over and over again while BG was "away" trying to grasp what it is that can take over a soul like Jackie's or Frank's. I've never wanted anything bad enough to steal or hurt other people but then I was trained to be a good girl by the best of the best. As a teenager, I couldn't understand that trust is something that has to be earned through acceptable behavior and firm boundaries. When I got caught? I was always sorry and expected that trust to be right back in the picture by the next week at least. Ummm, no.
Therapy showed me that even people with layers of issues like myself can come out from under the yoke of co-dependency and begin to care for themselves rather than everybody else. I tended to be quite cynical and angry during those years, going back and forth from that to a hot mess of tears and pity parties. As my personality changed and I became more focused on my own soul rather than the world at large, things became calmer...with me, anyway. The rest of the world kept on spinning out of control but I was somehow disconnected from the fear that comes along with worry about the future or shame from the past. I'm grateful for the turn of events that got me there or I would never have survived what was to come in the next fifteen years.
Big Ernie gives each of us a choice in EVERY situation to do the right thing. It's the old devil that comes up behind you and whispers "Come with me!" I believe that an open heart and constant intent to do good makes a difference in mankind, one life at a time. You can call me Pollyanna, but that's my story.
And I'm sticking to it ^j^
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