the day that the lord has made

Vacation bible school starts today at FUMC which is where we ALL know the beginning of learning scripture happens.  Tiny little hands and patient mothers do finger painting and have snacks and generally tie it all together in a biblical way.   I never missed one, nor did BG.   It used to be during the day, a place to park the kids during a week of summer.  Now it's more hands on with entire families involved instead of those poor few who are tireless, like Patti Lou.  As Christian ed director, this is where she shines.  She is also, BTW, the one who talked me into being county-wide GS cookie chairman one year, in charge of distribution for every freakin' troop!

I had church today while talking to Lori about the grands and doing laundry.  We are on the same page, often silent and just taking it all in one day at a time.  Mama slept for 14 hours and I had to check and see if she was breathing.  While Daddy was having the "skinny" at eggs and doughnuts, we chatted and got her settled in the chair.   It is both exhausting and exhilarating at the same time if that makes sense.  It is an extreme honor and privilege to know my roots. I think my little meltdown convinced her I'm on the edge, figuratively speaking.  They had a bit of company yesterday so there's that.  When your world consists of bed to bathroom it's a treat just to sit somewhere different.    There was some confusion over which paper products are for what but that was settled today.  Baby steps.

It's rainy and muddy and fifty shades of humid around here but so far no flooding.  I'm a bit leery now over that fifty year one in 2010.  That's when the crackheads were rescuing me and BG and the screaming  infant while doing wheelies in the mud.  That baby was howling and I told Lauren to jump and was about to myself when we hit pavement.  That, was Big Ernie.   Of course then the dumbasses drove through the deepest of the water with us still in the back.  Can't make it up, y'all.

We are still dryer-less so I'm headed to the grands to move loads and check on life.  More later ^j^

rumbling from the river

We're already in our typical summertime thunderstorm pattern where one minute it's nice and pretty and two seconds later there's a downpour.  I saw that snake again all sprawled out on my straw bales plus witnessed two rainbows in one week so I knew tough times were coming.  Thank the lord for people who recognize when somebody's trying and work with a girl.  I have an official # now and it will be challenging but do-able.  BG has not one but two job nibbles so there's that to be thankful for...plus it's Booger night!  

Lori and I tackled the upstairs at my parents' house today and about passed out from the heat except for this one room that's cool, which used to be mine.  And then Tommy's because he was waiting for me to go to college so he could get out of his tiny alcove.  I ran across Bubba's first boot, bronzed no less.  There are about 150 ties that haven't been worn in 20 years.  There are now "piles" down there like we have on the hill.
It was something that I raced through as we picked up trash silently and took moments to stop and appreciate the history in that room like every one in the house that has been home to me for 60 years.  I can remember when there was a huge window fan as our only cooling on hot summer nights.  I crawled off the roof and jumped so I could see older boys when I was a teenager.  As a child I manned the strawberry shed with my brothers and got a bunch of money one year.  There was a white wood fence all the way across the front and I painted it one summer for pocket change while watching the hot farmers go up and down the road.  I watched my father and mother try to raise us right though we were rebels to the core and I think they did well.  My relationship with each brother/cousin/neighbor is a treasure.

Mozella and I worked together back when the sawmill had a sterilization unit for surgical stuff.  She is the elder in our little community at 90 something and asked me to come by and give her a B12 shot.  It hurt my soul to jam that big old needle into her bony arm but she took it like a trooper.  She is our mayor, by the way.  While I was there her son stopped by to borrow the water cut-off thingy.  He's the one who has to pick Daddy up off the floor now.   Me and Mozella chatted about her flowers and the upcoming July 4th reunion that is legendary.  Molly lives here now so ALL the folks will be showing up!

I have had a few proud moments in my life but for the most part humility is what I'm about.  Learning to be assertive v aggressive was a huge life lesson.  Not too long ago a friend advised me to not ever forget where I've been because history repeats itself.  Pretty smart stuff there, girl.

Peace and Grace ~

the old days

Trying to blog on a phone is not fun for old people.  Unfortunately, I could not afford to pay my internet bill until recently because I am a middle class serf in corporate healthcare.  You know...the one who shows up every day and helps everybody and all that.  My primary responsibility is as an MT over the transfusion service at the local acute care facility.  Side jobs include covering the front desk and staffing the local oncology clinic plus catching the tube and whatnot.  It's a zoo on a good day and nice when the census is down.  It is what it is.

Just got off the phone with my mom who told me that I'm the devil (again) and that I don't understand her situation in life which is true.  If I had been married to Billie G for 61 years there would probably be a few meltdowns now and then.  That we have experienced them together is a blessing.  They are elders with pride and don't want to accept help, and I respect that.  As a healthcare provider I am concerned for their safety but they still  have their minds so what's a girl to do.  Me and Daddy are going to buy some tomato plants tomorrow to plop into the straw bales out back and I hope he has his card handy.

This has been an extraordinary week filled with blessings just from getting up and carrying on.  At 59 I'm repaying the folly of the last 14 years since my ex- husband told me I could never afford to live here on Pecan Lane and he was right.  A house built in 1918 with no improvements is a money pit with or without the history.  I'm not real good at math but I figure 26 years at 300-500 plus outrageous utilities is stupid which I am not.  Time to move on down the road.


As a side note, I paid for the privilege to get my connection back so I can write, in my own words and there is a fee attached. I just hope all y'all  like it and keep coming back.  I have crazy moments but dayum...you can't make this shit up.

^j^ Faith
 

overload

I was off work for nine days last week and it was so much fun, you know? The grands are kinda' sorta' in "transition" so there's a lot of drop and run activity involved and guess who lives one mile away as the crow flies? I want them to be healthy and happy and well cared for and because of their fierce desire for independence it's not a safe situation. Thank the lort' for our new favorite doctor and the home health team. I see myself as a pretty savvy clinician but this situation looks pretty desperate.

Work was great what with the giant IS outage that tested the limits of those present who are able to maintain without connectivity. What was once a monthly routine is now an occasional upgrade and I can deal with that. Somewhere along the line corporate healthcare will be obliged to recognize the value of face recognition as an added value. Maybe not in my lifetime, but someday. The technology to track units of blood being hung at the bedside is widely available yet the scanners are not. The paper trail is tremendous and tedious and it's all so seriously not necessary. This big hotshot cardiac guy in Jackson got busted for doing stents that weren't quite necessary and the facility plus dude put up 2 million in sanctions. In my humble opinion malpractice lawyers are the sleaze of the earth. I read an article today from page ONE of the Commercial Appeal trashing the financial practices of mega-labs like Quest and LabCorp and AEL. I agree, BTW.

I've had a lot of favorite path docs in my life. Inclan was cool and we drank a lot. Palacios, well just bless him. Sonia's death hit me hard because we were fellow Methodists only she was Coptic and I was ummm..not sure. Cecil Kirk did her funeral with all the smoke and bells and stuff and I remember thinking at that point in time I would miss all the dreams she had for our lab. That's when the sharks moved in. Dr. Price was odd and did the best he could with what he had. Elaine did some time there too. When the group moved in after Sonia's death, it was 24/7 coverage from their hub in Shelby. Some poor fool with a specialty in derm or coag or whatever had to drive from Memphis to D'burg M-F just to do frozens. That their children were especially spoiled is not my concern. My tiny friend Sharry told me one time of the little man syndrome which is all about making up in charm what you lack in statu

sneaky snake

That huge black snake I saw swimming in the driveway took to hiding in the asparagus bed and just about gave me a heart attack as I reached into the green. Two snake sightings in one day equals either extremely bad luck or major change on the way. As fate would have it, the grands took a turn overnight that required my presence this morning. They skipped church and when Lori pulled in Daddy was out wandering the yard doing his chores like light OFF on the flag and State Gazette in. I told her to head on out (this is twice she's showed up and got turned away) and I'd take today. When I called mama was all pitiful and said she was "trying to make daddy's breakfast" which consists of a bowl of cereal and a banana. OJ on the side. I arrived to find her trying to pour said OJ with the top on. He had lost his keys with the knife and we scoured every pair of everything resembling khakis all over the house. No keys. No knife. I told him we'd get another key and a knife from one of those 50 he's got tucked away. Nope, he wasn't gonna have it. After I loaded the washer and headed out, he stuck his head out the door to tell me he found 'em. Grrrrrrr. Mom and I plotted as I saw her back to the TV room to watch CBS Sunday Morning. I now know what the next step is and am preparing to arrange it. Somebody's medicine is wonky and I can't fix that from my home/work/non-existent social life. My dear friend and cheerleader Judy assured me yesterday that Prince Charming is just around the corner. Gawd, I hope so.

Add to that a very important financial summit this week plus work every day and there you have one stressed out gal. I am so thankful for the rest I've had on vacation because I've got a feeling it's gonna' get worse before it gets better. As my brother pointed out, things could be worse. Look at poor Aunt Granny. I think about that often, how she's in her own little world where we don't exist and my own mother is still running hers like a drill sarge. The irony is unbelievable. Granny still thinks KY cuz is alive and looks for her a lot. Same with Gaga.


I miss my Ryder's puppies and wonder if they're happy and healthy. I still have phone numbers from all those people so I should reach out see them virtually. Sam and Oscar and Sophie are happy that there's not so much frantic activity as when there were ten squirming little squealies by the porch. One by one following their mother's untimely death, they were plucked out of that flower bed and taken to new homes and lives. Miracles abound. As for me? I am broken...not really in spirit, but in initiative. I was raised to fight long and hard to do the right thing and more. It took many years of therapy for me to uncouple from the desire to be "perfect" and have it all done. It was only when I began to appreciate the beauty of the process and watching it unfold that I became truly spiritual. God doesn't care if I tithe or go to the building if I do his work in the world. I am blessed with a career which offers that opportunity on a daily basis.

I am liberal and proud of it. That doesn't mean I approve of everything Obama or any other Democrat or Republican does. Being liberal is a life philosophy that doesn't have a damn thing to do with the Dems except for a tasty hashtag. Fiscally, I appreciate conservative measures but not at the expense of the poor when the rich are getting richer. Jesus would NOT like that at all. It's in the book, in red letters.

It's raining again so I've got to be on swimming snake watch. I'll keep you posted.

swimming upstream

I'm deathly afraid of snakes when they're all hiding and shit but I watched one through the window today floating on the rainwater in my driveway having a grand old time. It was a big one and black and "they" say that black snakes are good ones so I didn't shoot him. No wait, I don't have a gun! I ran over his brother accidentally last week on some mission or another. It only took a day for the buzzards to clean up. My week off was mostly mild and sunny which I count as a huge blessing and is much better than five days on the beach with all that drive time. I've spent a lot of quality time with my parents and know what the new normal will be.

Sub girl at the CE was all nervous about being there by herself on the day after a board got nailed up over the entry point of the crime. Now I ask you this...what sort of dumbass thinks this kind of place keeps cash after hours??? I guess they scored some free snacks and ink pens while they were there. That kind of random idiocy just wears me out. Most of it is bred from poverty. So my vacay is not yet over as I'm enjoying a lovely monsoonish day listening to music and working on piles. Dryer is still dead and washer almost there...as in can't use. I don't even know where a pay laundry is so I guess we'll just keep depending on friends and family to help. The utility bill should be uber cheap for May but it won't. Freakin' TVA.

I have a very deep sense of unrest right now. I am angry that so many have so much and so many more have nothing. I don't believe in entitlements as reparation for past injustice. I believe that healthcare should be primarily preventive and separate from big pharm and insurance. One free glucose check on a fasting patient tells you more than 18 insulin levels. As long as it's coded right by diagnosis, the insurance will pay but there's a lot of auditing and checking and whatnot that goes along with that piece. All of this is controlled by CMS among other federal holders of the purse strings. When I first started to work at the county hospital there was one bill for all services and it was entirely on paper. With boiling test tubes. You can't make that shit up, you know? One time I watched as my supervisor performed an autopsy with a cig hanging out of his mouth while he ran the saw. I never ate liver after that. Daddy loves his new bed and I got the rest of their errands done during the monsoon. Pills are counted and delivered to be recounted and delivered again. All is right at Casa Poops!

google this

I've been using Firefox which I totally love except for the fact that I get "re-directed" when I try to check GMail on that browser. I think that's just tacky, especially since Chrome can't be uninstalled so that it's not all sabotaging the competition. Or maybe I just don't know what I'm doing. Most of my fact checking is done by email which is on the phone that is Google friendly out the ass. I still owe about 200 bucks on the previously shiny red bad ass Galaxy4. WITH a cracked screen. The dryer is pulled out ready for the recycle and the washer is probably headed that way too. Thanks to constant effort on our part, the clothes are clean. It takes a village, you know. My feeble Mom was folding my scrubs last night and mentioned she would like some of those to kick around in. Oh.Yeah! Drawstrings and velcro rock with the elder set. Daddy is being obstinate and not taking meds or using protection so there you go. The new bed was delivered and we're staying on top of that. I made him take the damn pills while Miss Faye fried him up some tilapia. She and I had DQ on the way home from x-ray. I swear to you, we had to wait for the truck to bring in Dilly bars.

I cruised up to see my CE friends this morning and found po-po busy on the scene dusting for fingerprints I had noticed this mini-cooper with their logo on it race ahead of me and turn in. The first character that came to mind when I saw her go running up in there was the admissions woman on Nurse Jackie. My parents were volunteers at the hospital for years on end, pushing wheelchairs and minding the desk and a whole lot of spiritual giving fo' free. The woman, Ms Joyce, who helped me get Mama in today used to work with both of them. Sis-in-law Kathy sits up front and greets so they got to visit while I was retrieving the trusty Camry. Mom says I'm getting door handles for my birthday so there's that to look forward to.

I am in the process of down sizing my life and having a big old yard sale to clear out corners. Look for the sign on the electric pole! It is dark and dreary here..in spite of us doing our best to make it cheery and personal. It is rented and not properly cared for, thus the thousands I have paid over the years to heat and cool and and mow it. There comes a time when a tiny little apartment looks pretty damn good. I love this house but it isn't mine except in spirit. That includes both of the others that have housed an assortment of people that I love with all my heart. I'm not a young woman anymore, the kind who can move mountains and save the world. I do my best, one day at a time, to spread the love and endorse peace and naturalistic healing. #Lorna

forced organization

Every time my life gets in this kind of mess I say "never again" yet I go right back out and procrastinate until the whole thing is unmanageable. Not this time peeps. I have some dear friends who are struggling with life and death issues and mine is only money. You can't take it with you. I think I've been so overwhelmed with other people's drama for the past few years that I just gave up on trying to make sense of the whole thing. Here's the thing about that though...it sure does feel good to have it off your back. I have at least two of everything you can think of in this house and couldn't find just one to save my life. I was a borderline hoarder but the piles are so attractive I've just about kicked that chore to the curb.

Today is hair day and we were going to multitask and do chest x-ray too but it looks like rain so hair only. Bubba delivers and I pick up since Tippi is away dog sitting. I think the initiative to get my house organized comes partly from knowing there's a whole 'nother one to go through bit by bit. My mother is a historian like you would NOT believe. I guess it's what got her in the newspaper business. Corporate has asked for me to get some through the years pics together for display and I'm working on that this week. I took some good ones, even before the badass Leica. Twice I got a Kodak from work for a service award. I wore both of them smooth out.

Usually I have music blaring when I'm doing this but today it's quiet except for the hum of my ancient Dell trying to hold on until (a) i make my fortune or (b) find Sugardaddy. We shall see.

^j^

snowball reality check

My cousin used to refer to the snowball as that giant mass of debt that builds until it rolls right down the hill at you and it's do or die time. Everything we own and or do is based on credit, much of it predatory lending. That a middle class hard working should almost be retired person like me lives that way is a shame. I had a chance. I could have saved when the money was free and easy but the crashes of 80s and 08 pretty much put that out of reach. I was busy raising a child and trying to make a living as a healthcare provider mom, much of that time single. I was the poster child for my church's acquisition of our sawmill. They knew what a miracle I was and all. I've still got a t-shirt somewhere with their web address and that very slogan on front.

Against all odds Daddy is becoming a bit more umm, compliant, shall we say. That includes nighttime protection and me as pill counter. Poor mama still has to run the world and ask me how many pills he's taking and if it's too much. I see a big change since Lori came on board because she can make him mind and he never even knows he's been had. Ms. Faye still does lunch and oooooppppps! We forgot dilly bars on Monday. She's got me lined up for hair and a chest x-ray tomorrow so that should just about round out my week as parental advocate. She's all like "i'm sorry you're wasting your vacation, yadayada" and honestly? I'd much rather do it when I'm not working and trying to manage it all after getting up at 5AM. I've not slept past 7AM a day since I've been off. This bitch is on a mission.

So here's the thing with the economy. I make good decent money by standards set 20 years ago but others don't even make enough to survive on. When the middle class struggles to stay afloat, somebody is spending way too much on food at football games. I say this as I prepare to shove the dead dryer out on my back porch all redneck like and try to figure out how to buy a new one when I'm dead broke. Even in the best of days, I have never lived an extravagant lifestyle. I was raised humbly by one parent who knew what it was like to be rich and another who never dreamed of it.

I love the stream of consciousness thought that comes with an escape from reality. My days this week have been categorized thus far as fun,productive and lazy. Not real sure about today yet, but it's early. Whatever comes, I'm keeping the faith.

almost a nurse

My parents have been having multiple issues that need looking after so we went back to see their new favorite doctor this morning for a med tweaking session. Mama's congestive heart failure is flaring and her O2 was only 90% so there's nighttime oxygen in her future if she passes the Medicare field test. All you medical types will know that means when the DME people have to document that she needs it. Her Lasix was upped and an ACE and beta-blocker added to take some stress off that little heart, just bless it. Daddy's was uneventful except for deciding that I'm back to being pill counter, this time for him. He's totally not buying the bubble thing and it's just hit and miss. He's only on 3 things but they are important.

We arrived at the desk where I chatted with my co-worker who has been cured of liver failure by a new wonder drug that costs 1100 bucks a pill. Hey...if it works, it's worth it. The nurse took all my papers and we painstakingly went through the whole deal with the doc who has to take out his hearing aids to listen to your heart. It's hilarious. He and I conferred across the table in that crowded little room accomplishing more in 30 minutes for resolution of their issues than most people can after a week long hospital stay. The difference is because he's paying attention to detail. He and his older partner practice in a place full of cubicles in a facility run by my own employer. They asked a few questions but mostly just let us do the care plan. I love it when that happens.

Mom treated me to lunch from Sonic on the way home and Ms Faye had already folded my dry clothes so I was feeling twice blessed. I've got a handyman coming today to see if the dryer can be fixed so let's all sing kumbayah on that one. The washer has had a break so it's doing better. I don't even know where a laundromat is in our town. The dogs are digging for moles and getting muddy as heck. Monsoon hit at 8AM today and I had visions of carrying umbrellas over walkers and canes but it cleared off for us.

Stay tuned for more adventures in parental medical transport.

making time count

My mother, to whom I have repeatedly referred as "almost Martha Stewart" only without the criminal record, was the guest of honor at a brunch today which we all pitched in on to make happen. My intention was to just throw some cheese grits in a pan on the stove but instead I did the whole Gaga ritual with garlic, cheese and eggs added prior to baking. There was leftover crustini from Patsye's house and even the cinnamon rolls she asked for. Pillsbury, you know. Bubba fried bacon while me and Lori repotted the petunias that daddy had laid in the pots yesterday. 36 bucks worth of flowers getting ready to die! It was fun and I even had leftovers for a pot of my own. BG was keeping Babyman and she joined us later. The table was centered with a simple gilt edged pitcher containing dark pink peonies and yellow iris. We waited on the elders and gorged ourselves. She cried when i read her my card but Bubba's funny one perked her back up. What.A.Special lady.

The humidity is wicked and pollen heavy so I'm staying in mostly. My skin looks much better since the antibiotic kicked in and I'm still itchy for Benadryl at night. My eyes are so puffy you can't see the eyeballs when I smile. My smile is pretty goofy also but at least (so far) I have front teeth. Lori and her fam were headed to Bass Pro after she left to check out Memphis' newest wonder. It is a business venture that started badly was carefully bargained out over the years and should bring revitalization to an area of Memphis that is not only historic but riverfront. yeah..the big muddy y'all. They had to do something to stop the exodus to Nashvegas.

Against all odds Bernie the socialist is raising cash hand over fist and giving everybody something to talk about. To me having him be elected would be a much greater coup than Hillary. And it will never happen, probably. He doesn't have the big PAC money behind him that she and all the GOP tribe do. And what about old Colbert the crotchety giving all those classrooms grants. That is what's up peeps. Like with healthcare, the government has lost control of education due to the fractured sets of rules and hoops to jump through. I do believe in smaller government in that respect. States like Tennessee are the worst. InsureTN and Common core my ass.

I've been told before that I'm always "negative" because I point out what my beliefs are and ask that they be respected. In this person's eyes, I'm constantly bitching about life. That is not at all my nature and is where having a good sense of humor comes in mighty handy. Yeah I can be a bitch if I have to. Those who don't get sucker punched and run over. It's called being assertive, not bitchy. Every business that I entered this morning was manned by mothers whose children live far away . One of them is BG's boss aka Superwoman. One is from Indiana and one from New Hampshire...thus the accents. It meant a lot to them to be able to talk about their kids.

That's what's up on Mother's Day 2015.

some beach

As fate would have it, I am not on a beach somewhere with a fruity drink for my time off. That being said, I'm just grateful beyond measure to be enjoying day 1 of 9 away from the sawmill. I love my work but it involves a lot of stress that I need a break from. BG surprised me yesterday with Mother's day happies that included the best candy I've ever had. Peanut butter Snickers..yo. I was out in the monsoon this morning taking care of business and stopped by the gentral' to get a card for my own mother. We have to read cards to her but boy does she love them! Of course I got drenched but who cares. Rain is good for your hair.

I guess ISIS is on vacation too or else somebody has quit showing their horrid videos on YouTube. Reduced MSM coverage of that kind of crap is what is needed to deflate their self important egos for Allah. Here's my plan: Let's get them to do something with the Koch brothers just for shits and giggles. These asshats are pouring their millions into hidden right wing groups that promote the NRA among other unworthy causes like killing the earth with carbon. Rant over.

The piles are coming together nicely here in my office overlooking the lane. As usual there are multiple projects going onto a white board for clarity. I am about the least organized person I know which is odd because my mother is just the opposite. Her record keeping is legendary as was her career as a journalist for a small town paper. She had regular columns for years and published a book with recipes from all her readers. After that she went to work as a claims adjudicator for the state unemployment office. That's the job that almost killed her and she smooth walked out when the "bitch" confronted her one last time. She had no benefits. Her monthly SS income is less than 500 bucks. Lucky for them Daddy has a nice federal retirement package.

There are so many things about my mother that I adore. Her sense of humor is wicked and she's the hostess with the mostest. Every single family occasion was orchestrated by her and she hovered around the kitchen until forced to sit and eat. She was overweight as a younger woman and I was too. Age and time have knocked the pounds off of us but she is much more stylish than I. Outfit must be cute and earrings match, no exceptions. She changes clothes all the time where I would just be hanging in my jammies. That's an old school deal where a southern lady must always be dressed for the right occasion. I didn't really ever pick that one up, if you know what I mean.
I've ordered some hooch from my brother and bought a bag of ice since we have only two pitiful dolla' store trays that are eternally empty. As a bonus I discovered that I still have a month's worth of happy pills available so that's good. I love me some four dollar drugs. Got some new glasses today also, and it's amazing how clearly you can see when they're not scratched up. I know...I'm pathetic.

I'll be pulling out my mother's trusty book to cook my grandmother's cheese grits for Mother's day brunch. Kraft doesn't even make the garlic cheese roll it calls for but it can be improvised. My favorite recipe of hers is for cut-out butter cookies which she would tediously decorate for our school parties. Superwoman,indeed. She told me the other day that the reason Daddy's back is in such bad shape is that he got kicked by a cow. As a matter of fact, so did my ex. They definitely did not like to be pregnancy checked.

Pretending to be on some beach somewhere ^j^

yes i can

It's been five years since I was off more than four days except for that wretched shoulder surgery. When BG walked across the stage at UTM and got that diploma, we headed in different vehicles to the luxury of a week in Sandestin. We stayed in a very nice two story house and split the costs so that nobody went broke. Poor Paula had to fly into Pensacola that night because her brother was sick. Now I'm a redneck and not accustomed to bars and food on the beach so I spent a lot of time hauling chairs and coolers on the tram with assorted strangers. All the little houses are just like in the Truman Show,various shades of color that just "go together." I remember distinctly the day that I decided to quit Poop Happens because it just seemed old like hearts in the woodwork. And geese..OMG.

The trees that ProMo planted weren't mulched so they got kinda' dried out over the latest drought. Bubba told me when I was out "piddling" to haul a few buckets over there. One's in the shade and it's okay. The other two look a bit weary but it's still early. Who doesn't mulch their new trees? If there's any money left after visiting the loan shark I might buy some straw bales and raise some 'maters. Or not. I'm more in the mood for a bottle of Gold and Pinnacle.

We're planning an all out special-like-Christmas breakfast celebration for Mother's day down at Casa Grands. As we chatted last night she added a few more things to the menu so I'll scoop that up tomorrow. There is a doc appointment (aka parental medical transport) on Monday and I'm feeling pretty prepared with reams of paper that include advance directives and lab results. And there we'll go off in my ratty ass but very trusty Camry to see what chapter next is. You can't make this shit up@

I've been single for so long that I can't imagine trying to deal with a relationship that is romantic. That involves trust and tolerance and I can pretty much spot a player a mile away so that cuts down the availability pool. I love a whole lot of men that I could not possibly live with. Must love dogs is a start. Good listener and free with unconditional sincere hugs. Spontaneous. Financially stable and willing to meet me half way with the $. Gawd...this sounds like a Match.Com bio! Can't you just feel the love?

The to-die-for house is still a work in progress. I think exterior stuff comes next and screens for the porches. As I was leaving for the sawmill today I glanced over at some movement in the field on my left and saw two coyotes out running. I stopped and we had a moment before all of us scurried onto the next thing. My pack keeps all critters out of the yard.

Happy mother's day to all of you who have loved a child with all your heart ^j^

in my father's eyes

Daddy never really knew what to do with me as a little girl so Mom took over. The boys and I rode on hay trailers and played with baby cows and watched him work fulltime for the USDA as a plant protection specialist meaning tracking the nasty Japanese beetle with push pins on a map. Obviously that eradication effort didn't work because they're all freakin' over my house. I'm sure it's a Monsanto thing. My warm and fuzzy memories are few until after I did a little therapy and understood from whence he came. He was born poor, the only son to Wilmer and Lottie Stafford and grew up in Roellen. When he was a teenager he fell out of the barn loft and broke both arms making it necessary for the girls to tend to his privates for a bit. Which is where I am right now.

The page turner for me in end of life care was watching Moyers' series "On Death and Dying" many years ago. For Christmas I got a copy of Joanne Lynns sourcebook on management of healthcare resources in a productive way. Much of today's industry is driven by profit and you're lucky to find a practitioner who really cares enough to give a shit. The pay is horrendous and the stress is overwhelming for many. But here's the thing...if you really want to help people? Help yourself. In "Dying Well" I read about poor Ira's journey with his dad and the pancreatic cancer that killed him. There is some kind of denial that exists among us that the end will not come and that's just not true. Life on earth lived well is all that is needed to guarantee a heavenly passage.

^j^

early to rise

BG stayed out late last night scheduled to go in at 10 today and ended up getting a call before 8 to come to work. She has this retainer with a fake tooth on it which is honestly the only way she will smile. I woke up when I heard her digging through the house looking for that tooth. So much for sleeping in! Of course it was in her hoodie pocket where she stuck it at Taco Bell. Lord...I'd never keep up with something like that. I've had to make an effort to start putting things I need like keys and badge on the dresser so I can scoop them up quickly in the dark. Most times my earrings match, but my socks never do. What's the point?

Before adderol became a highly over prescribed street drug, I tried one that a friend gave me. She said all you have to do is tell the doctor "you push papers around" and can't focus. That is so me, but ya'll...that one pill kept me wired for two days. It is amazing how it acts in the opposite way on those who truly have ADHD. Now Benadryl is about the only thing I take other than prescribed meds for hypothyroidism and depression. My introduction to SRUIs was a real wake up call because before that I thought it was normal to cry all the time. There's an antibiotic in the mix at the moment and the skin stuff is beginning to heal. I was damn close to an ER visit on that little deal.

So like Dylan said "Times they are a'changing." I'm not real sure what's up the pike but it's out of my hands so I'm just cruising until the next fire pops up in every area of life. That's where your happy pill comes in handy...right?

Keeping the faith here ^j^

a stained glass life

I have several pieces in my house that were made by KY cousin and myself back in the day when she had a shop on Main Street in Newbern next to the hardware store and close to Dave's pool hall. I loved it as an artistic outlet when I first began but I'm not a patient sort and soon began to tire of the tediousness of that sort of work. I always had a heavy touch on the scoring thingie and managed to break a LOT of glass. My favorite piece of all time is a wind chime made from the remnants of Halls UMC following destruction by tornado. The pieces were made into things of beauty sold to help finance a new building. The circle of life never ceases to amaze me.

I have to admit I got used to the lull in activity while the grands ratcheted down to the next level. Lord, I thought I'd seen it all but nooooooo. Thank God I am a part of a dedicated team that cares for them. Their doctor called this morning wanting to get the blood drawn and done so we can re-group and come up with plan Z. I am weary with juggling their care and my work much less try to have just a little fun. Yet I know, in my heart, that the opportunity I've been given is one that many don't have and I smile in the comfort that I'm doing what I can. Because they did it for me, you know? My mother, in particular, has been my biggest cheerleader in life always telling me firmly but in a ladylike tone that I must do the right thing. Lord knows I try, just sometimes we all fall short.

I'm off tomorrow so that's good. I've started oversleeping now and then because the light is screwy that time of day and I'm just tired. This morning when I walked outside Sophie and Oscar had a possum surrounded in my freshly cut yard giving him hell. I just knew I'd find him dead because the stupid thing sat there and ran around in a circle like a minion hissing at them. Not my circus. I guess they took care of business.

BabyMan has been sick and ornery so he's staying away from Grandma's house. I'm off tomorrow and plan to be as as unclothed as possible. Spring means it's time to dust off the dirt and grime of winter and make new things happen. I believe.

these boots are made for walkin'

It was a good thing I wasn't real busy at the sawmill because there was all sorts of drama early on involving my parents' schedule for the morning. Everybody on board, including Lori, agreed that going down stairs to get a choir robe on and tromping back UP them and up the altar steps to sing was not a good idea. He has finally gotten stable enough to make it from point A to B with a cane and he got some new shuffle friendly shoes today so that should help. Lori talked to both of 'em yesterday and I did also last night so it was a given that there would be no church today. Ryan showed up at dusk to mow the orchard grass and he was minus the sidekick who sprayed roundup on the puppies. O.M.G. This is why I don't like the stuff...you never know what's gonna get damaged when you try to apply it. I've heard that an organic alternative involves vinegar and something so I might give it a whirl (in all my spare time). Anyway, they forgot and were ready for church with no driver.

All this cleaning and sorting and packing and plan making kind of has me misty even though it's long overdue. I totally missed naked gardening day but saw a lot of cute guys in their shorts (like Jasper) taking advantage of the beautiful weather. The humidity is creeping is as it always does in May. The hottest I've ever been in my life was at a wedding on KY lake on Memorial Day weekend right before a ginormous thunderstorm. When the lights went out that night, we danced nekkid in the rain! Those pictures are long gone, BTW. Yaya saw to that. You know how some people care wear makeup and it never melts off? Well, I'm not one of them so I just pass on the whole deal. Besides I have enough skin problems. Treatment for actinic keratosis has ceased due to another unforeseen bump in the road. It's a good thing Gigi is leaving her pool because I'd sure miss being out there with her.

Her precious brother-in-law is recovering from a heart procedure with another one planned after he mends. My buddy Tim's dad is hospitalized two weeks post-op because of a chemical mixup in his old body and it's all just kind of scary. That's why it infuriates me so to see idiots and drug seekers clogging up the halls of healthcare and wasting money that could be used to cure. If you honestly think corporate America is gonna' pick up the dime on your repeated abuse of the system, refer to TNCare fraud and see how they're cracking down. The answer is not to deprive the worthy of benefits or waste money on stupid crap like drug testing recipients. What needs to happen is a massive crackdown on the plethora of pain clinics that have taken over the world, but particularly Florida. They are a legal way of keeping addicts on opiates for life. Ditto for the ones who pop open a fancy suite of offices and give the drug seekers what they want because they get paid by the government. All the DEA agents in the world can't fix that...only Congress can. Let people grow their own and at least there are no Mexicans or guns smuggled in the process.

The classic Southern front page good old boy picture is of the local cops pulling up huge ass pot plants from a river bank. They then arrest the growers and throw them in a (privatized) prison for growing an ancient medicinal herb. I'm over all the pissedoffedness that I've carried over the years about it. People will think and do what they want and I do believe that America has taken a much closer look at the militarization of law enforcement, whether or not race is involved, thanks to the unrest of our last year. When a city begs to get off curfew, it's time to lighten up.

Nothing else new. We'll keep you posted as usual ^j^

into the mystic

It's a gorgeous May day with iris showing out and mowers going ninety to nothing. As I passed through south Dyersburg I noticed a brightly colored vintage car show with a nice little crowd. When I pulled onto the lane I smelled it...the spray. There is wheat everywhere and I'm upwind. This is when I want to hire Erin Brockovich and sue Monsanto. I don't blame farmers because they make more by taking the subsidies and using traditional big ag backed product. People who invest their time and money in that kind of practice are guilty as hell of poisoning the earth and many don't even know it. I'm not saying you don't need to spray for bugs and whatnot. Just don't be cavalier about the whole thing and be open to a more organic approach to growing food, not grist for fake processed shit. Free range...it's what's up.

I had to turn the air on so I could breath but I'll be back out soon to check out what's blooming, probably with camera in hand. My poor little straw bale garden may not make it because there's not "extra" time for watering daily but that's okay. I'll just put the rosemary back in a pot and carry on. I heard the other day that our UMC is getting a new pastor which puts the senior position in the hands of somebody younger than me for a change. I like that idea. I worked this morning and it was ,as Hoss would say "not bad" and I'm still looking for a flight to Belize for week after next. Or Fiji...whichever is closer. I just managed to read about last week's trial of a young man from Lake county who is accused of murdering his grandparents. The defense has presented a whole lot of chat about other parties being involved ( all named ) which would make sense. This kid couldn't possibly overpower and mutilate two adults without help. Wonder what Nancy Grace would say? It's just a sad story, all the way around.

^j^

the cobbler's son

That's what I feel like today. I've spent almost 40 years in healthcare and watched it go from something where people will help a girl out or be all stuck on themselves with an attitude. I have a skin infection that was more than likely acquired because of my job yet when I asked for help in changing meds because of sensitivity results I was tossed aside by ummm let's call her Nursezilla. Sweet little doc was tending to the usuals plus another sick co-worker and Brandy was just as cute and sweet as always. It's really wild to see the dynamics change as shifts do. Anyway, after I was dismissed by NZ I called another practitioner and then another one called me back so maybe I won't die of bacteremia before I get the correct pill. I'm thinking it would be a horrible way to go, if you know what I mean.

So BG had to make a run to the grands and see what the non-working phone was about. As it turns out it was just a case of ringer off which she can't see. A Memaw butt dial will do that everytime. The guy from corporate called me by mistake this morning looking for my brother who was nowhere in my radar so it was short. I love my work peeps and we're all kind of under the weather being old and all so I just ask that we have your prayers and good wishes because it's a big job to take care of humans from birth to death if you really have a heart. I used to not understand mission trips to places where it was like "really? that's gonna help????" That is where the medical part of the whole deal plays in. It is my honest opinion that if churches put more money into social and health related programs like nutrition and whatnot, benefits in preventive care would be enormous. We cannot continue to poison the earth and expect it not to die on us.

I miss the puppies but we're all connected digitally so I'll settle for that. Chester's dad is back at the sawmill I think. All I know is that I'm there about every day until my vacation starts. For 9 straight, kids. Anybody want to fly me to Destin Belize?