watching the fall come in

I remember one day much like this sitting on my front porch in shorts as a cold front pushed through. Daddy pulled up in the driveway and sat a spell to visit and watch the seasons change. He's lost all interest in anything other than Bonanza, Gunsmoke, the news and food, not necessarily in that order. It's as if he's afraid if he let's go of his ever lovin' grip on the current time and what comes next he would lose it. I believe he's afraid of what's happening to he and mama and that somehow all that structure and control soothes his fear. There's a fine line with meds in those situations but he's on the low end of the dosing scale with his anti-psychotic. He's the only one who can halfass get around so he needs to not be knocked out!

I noticed a friend the other day who worked as a pharm tech prior to becoming a PA. Today I found out that we will be working together and I am elated to hear that there's some sort of normalcy coming into play between hospitalists with heavy accents and the patients who can't understand them even when they're not sick. He's a gentle soul who has two children and a brand new wife to go with that degree. Yaya's nephew! We are all family friends of the sort that we know about everybody's mama'n'them and from whence we came. Somehow seeing him there as a leader made me feel better about leaving it behind one day. Like when Sugardaddy shows up or something. Black Friday is creeping toward so BG gets extra hours to stuff those papers with sale ads. So far the carpooling has worked because we have to go in at close to the same time. If one of is dropping the other off and heading home, Oscar gets to ride on the console. You haven't lived until you've had puppy sugar at 6AM.

^j^

a different dimension

Today has been gray and dull, a perfect backdrop for the splashes of color everywhere. I remember during the autumn of when my aunt was dying of colon cancer, it first dawned on me that the passing seasons continue on even after the earthly bodies crumble to dust. We were discussing today what kind of future there is for us at work with people retiring and sick. We are an aging population up in there! Not many young ones go into allied health training programs because the job market has changed. And of course it's open enrollment time for corporate USA and the asshats are still fighting over Obamacare rather than doing good things for their employees. I don't think it will happen in my lifetime, but I see a world vision that is better and happier than all the naysayers shake their heads at. It's called faith and it's a gift.

It's amazing how the feeling hits me like a rain shower each time someone says they read "the blog." What began as an experiment in technology some ten years ago has turned into a self-therapy type of tool that others enjoy and I'm good with that because it's a win-win. I first "met" Ronnie Bennett around that time and she was already an elder in the blog as literary tool. So was old Hoss, bless his heart. Every time I see a jack in the black bottle I think of him. And so it goes, you old dung beetle. Love ya..mean it.

My blog boyfriends/editors are still waiting for me to get serious about doing something a bit more structured and I know it's time. Remember? I'm a procrastination machine. Plus I'm worried about BF because I haven't heard from her little self lately. I mean gah...she could die and I wouldn't even know! We're down to renting a booth for the collectibles here which is something my picker friends suggested long ago. That hasn't been in the plan either due to illness, horses out and beans and corn. The last of the furniture was picked up on Saturday so what I have is mine to deal with. I can make it cute, ya'll hide and watch!

Here's a big shoutout to my two work friends who are on the mend. I hope they understand that when we get another ride and some propane they'll get something made in the oven. Oh, and by the way? I got the giraffe riddle first time.

Peace out ^j^

by hook or by crook

The wasp population in front of my house is having one big last fling on a balmy day before finding hiding places. I'd ask my brother for pest control but he would tell me that's what renters usually do, which I most certainly am. I beg to differ but unless they have a boyfriend they beg random guys for help with heavy stuff like I do. Don't show up unless you're willing to work...just sayin' The paint in the living room aka office is what my daddy and I threw up before we moved in 25 years ago. BG was four and it was a sight to behold! Our lives changed forevermore then.

My brother and his wife lived at the end of the lane for quite some time while building an internet business that paid off. Who would have thought that there's no Mason jars in England??? Dollar stores have them at a rather high price but they are seasonal, no doubt and most especially in the south where that was our traditional way of preserving food. Without chemicals. Etc. But that was then and this is now.

We enjoyed three movies this weekend and I finally got to see my celebrity boyfriend John Cusack be a crazy as hell freak serial killer. Based on a true story it follows the history of what this man did and includes the investigation when one of his victims escaped. I hate hunting and guns and this one made me squirm. I really enjoyed The Interns but then I'd like them saying the alphabet or something! Gotta giggle with those two. There was another one about a little girl that didn't have a family but that was a downer so I've forgotten all about it. Cathy scooped me the other day to visit an honest to goodness fish fry where the guy who's cooking is named "Catfish!" I promise, there will be a picture for you doubters.

The colors are almost peak, blending into each other in that beautiful way that makes us think about the gifts that come with harvest. I sneaked into my mama's bedroom the other day and she was laying there all still with her legs crossed just so under the covers. She rouses slowly and lingers but by then I'm on down the road. It's been a long time since I kissed ANYbody good morning, unless you count the dogs. With theirs included, I'm smothered up with love.

^j^

inventing the wheel

One of the game changers in my foray into palliative care land was reading The Wheel of Life by EK Ross. In that book she details her early experiences setting up hospice environments in none other than Afton VA for AIDS patients. At that time there was no magic cocktail and everybody pretty much died a miserable death. Our small town had the usual outbreak of it and it never turned out well. Prior to the discovery of a test for the virus, getting blood was a risky proposition. Remember the the tennis player and little boy? In the 90's HCV testing began and that's where the much later end result of the intense sex, drugs and rock'n'roll thing became apparent with liver transplants becoming the surgery du jour. Any type of transplant requires fairly good health to keep your body from rejecting the new organ. Most people don't think about blood as an organ but it is...all sorted and typed and tested and crossmatched just for you. Who loves you baby?

I'm happily sipping a beer (what,it's five o'clock somewhere) and listening to Kasey Musgraves croon me into the weekend. The weather forecast is awesome and the colors are about to come forth, literally. And then? It's pecan season kids! If I see you anywhere on my property during that time in the hands and knees position under a tree, you will be shot on sight. I'll let the law know ahead of time that I'm packing. And then I'll send the GOP a great big fat thank you note. Um, and then there's this piece of swampland....

Here's to good friends, happy times and strong support when things go south. A real friend whether by blood or choice will stand with someone who really needs one. I've been blessed with a whole bunch over the years at different times. Each friend brought some part of my personality out of hiding and gave me the strength to be who I am right now while struggling to maintain faith. I'm tired..dang almost 60 freakin' years old and still running the concrete in cheap tennis shoes. Those who know me know that it's never easy and lord knows I try. And in the end? That's all that really matters ^j^

chair dancin'

My feet are too tired for the floor thing but by golly I can wiggle in the computer chair and use my arms for exercise. I'm probably gonna need them when my knees and hips blow out, ya know? I think the full moon just happened so I'm not sure what has caused all the chaos this week...I'm just glad it's almost done and I'm off the weekend barring unforeseen circumstances which usually show up on the lane. We rarely see the crazy neighbors anymore but now and then old girl makes a run for it, now in a wheelchair. The other day I was happily typing away when I noticed that all three kids were taking turns pushing the chair and looking for pecans. About the time her old man started hollerin' for them the baby took out like a streak toward the dairy barn. The dogs were fit to be tied!

In case you don't know my personal philosophy about life let me share the talking points that define who I am now...not 10 or 20 years ago, but right in this moment. I am a pacifist except in cases of self-defense in a non war setting. I believe that if it's going to be wrong to kill a 2 cell zygote then it's wrong to put criminals to death. They'll suffer more in a padded cell if we just de-privatize the things and clear them out. A whole bunch of rich mofos are putting heat on states to get their contracts and we all know how those political connections roll. Why not pay the people in your own state system a decent wage for what they're doing and attack crime at its' roots...on the streets. Ten social workers with good case management skills could clean up a neighborhood in no time. The police are more focused toward filling the coffers of their respective governments with fines and court fees. Sad, but true. We have a t-shirt from the time the fine taker lady on BG's charge was scamming money.

My new celebrity boyfriend Robert Reich wrote today about how the other side's spin is tending toward it's all the fault of Obamacare and regulation. I read what he writes daily because it's like he says what's in my head in words that I like...does that make sense? I think you have to be politically empathetic when in that type position and use the power of words wisely. I respect that he does that, as does Paul Krugman. I try to do the same. I'm not at all asking that you believe as I do. Just respect that I'm different and don't try "conversion."

Mama called yesterday to tell me that she has some kind of gold edged cups that she bought to go with something or another and she thought I might want to sell them. That's hilarious really because all these years she's been squirreling away collectibles for me to sell at the worlds!biggest!yard!sale!! She laughs about all the photo albums that she has meticulously kept over the years, writing names of friends and relatives with each and every shot. Don't you know? She just wants somebody to know their history.

And that would be me ^j^

you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

My favorite happy song these days has those words in it, courtesy of Pitch Perfect and Cups. My friend Cari turned me onto it and said she wants it played at her funeral. I agree! I certainly want mine to be a celebration of my life and not a sad and dreary dirge of a gathering. I've been to enough funerals in my day that I know which ones have the potential to be just that and which ones are an opportunity to preach. There's a difference ya'know. Please also include something from Hebrews because that book is all about faith. Since I don't have a "home church" I reckon just any old body will do for the other parts. Kay is in charge of the whole deal if she's still around. Otherwise? Plan B. Oh oh...and Phillippians too. That's such a sweet chapter as my old friend 'Becca called it in Sunday school. Her baby Issac died and she's really sad. I know the feeling well. It's been almost a year since Faith died after giving birth to her first ever litter of puppies at the age of 11. Lord have mercy.

Another friend went under the knife yesterday and had an "unexpected" outcome meaning a longer recovery. This must be the year for that! She and Bossfriend will be mending at the same time while the troops carry on. While glancing at the news today I really got sorta' misty about not seeing Congress acting a fool and instead there are more shootings with LEGAL effing guns. For the life of me I can't understand why these people don't just go ahead and do it instead of taking a shitload of innocents with them. Pretty cowardly if you ask me.

One of the greatest lessons I've learned in my years of therapy is that people are who they are and you meet them there if you want to be a part of their lives. Some situations require that you don't really love them but do the tolerant thing for the sake of say...family or a job with benefits. Learning to draw that line in the sand and them becoming a big fat zero is an art and I manage to pull it off now and then when times are hard and continued sanity requires it. This has been the hardest year of my life both physically and emotionally. That's enough said because if you come here often you know the facts.

Yet I still believe, just like a little kid ^j^

somebody's hero

Today's really tragic news in West Tennessee is about the crash of a pedi-flight crew that went down while en route to pick up a sick child for transport to LeBonheur Children's Medical Center in Memphis. It reminded me that I haven't thought about my friend and co-worker Cindy in a long time and she died the same way. Three or four years ago, I believe. I remember vividly creeping up to watch the video ahead of time at the FH because I can. Bawled like a baby ya'll. Her best friend began her career in the funeral business during that time. There's always a Plan B friends because WE are not in charge.

I got the sweetest note from my friend today telling me that what I'm doing as a caregiver for my parents is valuable and that's exactly what I needed to hear at this point in time. I've pretty much taken my hands off and am letting them handle it because until somebody's incompetent it's not my job to make their decisions. I honor my father and mother in that respect. The shadows are amazing these autumn afternoons about 4-6ish. I dread the days of light that end at four resulting in cabin fever that just won't quit. Even if it's colder than shit, seeing the sun makes a huge difference. Since we have no teevee we're all about the movie rentals these days and are about to splurge on a new player because mama's only plays new releases. I do miss Chelsea and Jon and all of them but hey. I can live without 'em.

Keeping the faith is our only logical choice ^j^

dust in the wind

If you don't immediately think of Kansas (not the state) you're not a child of the sixties and seventies. Well I guess you could be and just didn't listen to hippie music. Either way, I thought about it when I glanced outside and saw all those beans and stalks of corn waiting to be harvested soon. Achoo and sniff. This is the time of year when noses run and sneezing is randomly rampant. It's so funny to hear how different people sneeze, especially when you know them well and out comes their personal sneeze that sounds like kittens drowning or something. I had the dubious pleasure of discussing politics and football this morning with a Republican. He and another few guys have been my nemesis for the past few years. Even he, the old wizened one, admitted that the shutdown was a travesty and "his" party has seen the last of their glory days. We moved on to Warren v Hillary and agreed that Senator Warren is a good choice. I never thought I'd see the day!

I'm still on a post reunion high that consists of great memories and an observation that I look older than most of them. I rarely wear makeup because it just makes the wrinkles worse and my eyes are always swollen where I have to open them real wide while smiling not to have absent eyeballs in a picture. Maybe when I hook up with Sugardaddy he'll buy me a face lift or some botox. Maybe if I could just afford decent skin products I wouldn't look like a hag! We're on a mission around here to shop wisely and that doesn't include the plastic poison from the dolla' store if it can be helped. Booger's coming tonight and is up on his knees and a force to be reckoned with. He's gonna be real pissed when he doesn't have the run of the house. No can do, boogs. Not until they're cleaner.

BG finally found the camera under the futon in her room? Umm,okay then. It worked out well with me not having camera in hand this weekend though because actually? Sometimes I use that as an escape from one on one, especially in a social environment. I mean, it's not like I'm getting paid or anything. I am the sort who frames shots in my mind of everything that I see and I couldn't STAND the thought of not having that luxury. It's my hobby and my passion even though I don't use all the bells and whistles. My shots are usually rustic and real and I try to include a face with a personality be it a person or an animal.

Now listening to Metallica like most other old ladies. Life is good ^j^

old school

Event #2 of the DHS class of '73 reunion was just as much fun as the night before with a few different faces and more of the same. Just to show you what an unbroken circle the whole thing is, the hostess of last night's event is the daughter of none other than Mr. Neely who farms this entire parcel along with his son. It's been 20 plus years since I've been to that house and it's cute as a bug. The living room was filled to the brim with folks looking through annuals and old pics and the back yard was warmed by a fire pit. Little did I know that BG was working extra hard on today's breast cancer awareness insert for the paper featuring none other than Sheila from our class. I'm sure she had more reason to celebrate than many of us considering her recovery!

Today is eggs and doughnuts and dilly bar day so we got all that done and had to stop by the store to get 40 pounds of dog food. That lasts about two or three weeks with four mouths to feed. I never know when I wake up in the morning how many will be in the bed with me. Probably explains why I'm still single...yep, the crazy dog lady! An anonymous benefactor paid for my reunion fees and returned my check which is always a blessing. The $115 for the window regulator wiped out the checking account and more. All in all, things have been much worse. I still can't find the camera which means either I've really "lost it" or it was stolen. That makes me very very sad because everywhere I look right now there's a shot just begging to be snapped and I reach for it out of habit.

It's been kind of a tough week for me emotionally because of the passing of Dr. Noonan and what would have been my cousin Deb's 57th birthday plus the usual drama. I found myself crying yesterday and not feeling like going to the reunion party but got saved by my friend Cathy who offered me a ride. I feel sure that we'll spend more time together soon! The passing of years has taught me never to take anything for granted when it comes to seeing old friends because we may never pass this way again.

^j^

walk on the wild side

Oh my goodness ya'll...did we have fun last night or what?? I watched in amazement as member after member of the DHS Class of '73 came pouring through the doors of our brand new library. Since I got there a little early it was my joy to watch Nick and his bunch set up the food and bar with the precision of a drill team. Chucky arranged the table and did the music and we were off! Clayton Hayes is a photographer from way back and he was standing his old self up on chairs to get a group picture for us. I still haven't found my camera by the way. It wasn't in the refrigerator OR the oven. There are so many piles around that it could be anywhere. I had to cancel my hair appointment yesterday due to lack of funds so I just went with what I have which is a tricolor long ass mess that stays in a clip or ponytail most of the time. Someone remarked the other day how they liked my hair color which is kinda' funny considering it's dollar store blonde blended with gray.

I am now the proud owner of a new window that goes up and down on the passenger side. Mama will be so happy to ride there on the way to eat after church. It seems like only yesterday we were riding around with collision wrap plastered over the thing. Talk about LOUD! No window plus loud engine means no talking while driving. The radio had to be cranked up loud to even hear music so it wasn't worth it. $120 plus tax and that will be fixed as well. Then..onto hubcaps and oxygen sensors!

Pride learned how to open the gate about a week ago and he's been wandering here there and yonder in the beans. I tied the gate up with an electrical cord the other day and he snapped it like a twig. This is one ornery horse and it just pisses my brother off to no end that he has to cater to him. He's gotten used to his sweet feed fix twice a day and that should help keep him satisfied for awhile.

Maybe ^j^

solvency and scrap

Well lo and behold just look at how the Senate put the whoop ass on old Ted what's his name and his followers for taking our government hostage when we're already trying to recover from a recession that hit way below the belt. I'm kinda' like Elizabeth Warren on that. Yeah,it's good that it got solved in the short term but it will be back if not dealt with using the spirit of compromise. I think enough Republicans saw themselves not getting re-elected because of the whole circus that they decided to moderate real quick. THAT IS except for the congressional house members from the great state of TN including my home representative Stephen Fincher. Dude has an office on the square in our 'burg that never looks occupied and I can understand why. I'm thinking about making a little appointment to have my say about the whole deal. I think Steve Cohen should run for Senate and even things up. Thoughts?

My procrastinating side (shut.up) has led me to T-one week and counting until corporate rolls in so I got on FB last night and offered free scrap to anybody that wanted it. I had two offers before noon today and #1 dude just headed to the junk yard with his haul out of my driveway,basement and my daddy's yard. I ran in to give them a heads up about the strangers in the yard and he was waiting for his ride to come (an hour later) on the porch in his little plastic chair. One day I pulled up and he had moved it all the way out by the hackberry tree. Patience is not one of his virtues.

I'm beginning to look forward to seeing a bunch of old friends this weekend. BG will be working so I'll have to hitch rides but that's okay. The regulator is being repaired as I type and we had to grab a ride with the scrap guy because there was nobody there to take us home. My next improvement project is that thing in the exhaust that makes it loud and suck gas. I forgot what it's called but muffler man got all excited telling me about it. $125 for that. And please Lord Jesus can somebody give me some hub caps for Christmas?? After tires, that will be about it. We ride home today in the back seat of an old Chevy truck whose front seats were propped up with boards. Hey...would I make up something like that?

One guy in particular is on my heart right now because he lost his father and I lost a friend and mentor. He was the finest and wisest physician that I've ever had the privilege to work with and he made me think and grow as a healthcare professional. Even during his last years he would rip articles out about blood bank and bring them by hand to the lab. That's a guy who knows that the people on the front lines are only as good as the ones behind them. Or vice versa. It's reunion weekend and I'm primed for it because there are so many of us who never have the luxury of time to just sit down for a conversation. "How's your mama'n'them?"

^j^

old home week

I must say that today was one that I'll never forget. An impromptu lunch at Joe's deli and gift shop turned into a great big howdy do and haven't seen you in forever type of experience. Both of his sisters were there with his mom across the street at the furniture store. Their shelves are lined with Yankee candles and every inch of wall space is occupied by a rustic piece of art. In other words, it's my dream. The food is simple and good and they are nice to little old ladies who take a long time to make up their minds. My friend Amy is here for the class reunion and her sister Mary has helped plan the whole thing so we took our mamas out to lunch and told tall tales. Mama told about her co-worker Billie Anne whose sisters didn't know she smoked until one of them came up on the front desk and she stuck it in the drawer with smoke trailing. That was when everybody smoked inside and such. We had this little room in the basement of the sawmill with benches and we all huddled down there like it was a sauna or something. Then we became a smoke free "campus" where you can't smoke except in your vehicle. Which is fine with me because it saves me some money.We stopped by a friend's house on the way home to deliver fresh baked chocolate chip cookies for their family funeral gathering. The common theme here is none other than the every other Tuesday gathering of the Bridge Club. Ms Lois and Ms Ann have been mama's friends for years. The rest of the crew consists of whomever can manage a game because bridge is serious business. Pay attention!

Today's lesson was one of awe as I saw a daughter come to terms with how other people saw her dad. Once I graduated from Dr. Craddock I became a patient of Dr. Noonan's like all the other big kids. I even had a damn sigmoid scope in his office one time, spur of the moment. Talk about pissed off! I don't remember who came after him but now I see FNPs who know their stuff. Sometimes it's not worth the effort to deal with physicians who are corporately owned. When Obamacare fails and the world ends and you find yourself all alone with a gun that your purchased legally so that some sonofabitch could make a buck, remember this. This whole load of shit could have been prevented by compromise. Jesus would like that, umkay?

^j^

once upon a time

I graduated from the UT Center for Health Sciences/Memphis with a BS in Medical Technology. The year was 1977 and I began my career at a whopping 4.92/hr in my hometown hospital which was county owned at the time. I had accepted a position in microbiology at John Gaston hospital but abruptly changed plans when my boyfriend and I parted ways. Staying in Memphis was all about him, and he was out of the picture. I already had an apartment rented and a UHaul full before I backed out, tucked my tail and stayed home. And here I am still. To say that my world view is small is an understatement. Most of my reality has consisted of years upon years of watching the seasons change here on the farm. Not a bad way to live, ya know?

Most chemistry tests are based on change in color of specific reagents as read by a spectrophotometer. We had this giant monster of a chemistry analyzer that was cranked up once a day for a couple of runs. Everything at night was done "stat" meaning you had to boil the tubes in a water bath and then read the wavelength to calculate a BUN or creatinine. CBCs were run on an automated instrument with results printed out on a card that were then transferred BY HAND to a log book. We did EKGs and blood gasses but fortunately got a respiratory therapy department to take those on. I will never forget all the nights I spent on call there napping on my mother's donated couch. Later on we had a room with a mattress to sleep on but it wasn't much. That went on for the first ten years that I worked there until we added 2nd and 3rd shifts. I think we got maybe $5 for being on call and then an hour at time and a half for every callback. The good old days? No way.

Doctors who came to our town expecting big city service were surprised to find that we still did manual methods at night. One particularly feisty urologist make me CRY one weekend screaming about how he couldn't treat his patient unless I hurried up the process. Um. Right, dude. Doctors were treated like gods back then and got away with lots of verbal abuse of other healthcare providers. Now, there's a code of conduct that says it's a no/no. Hostile work environment! They mostly have names and accents that I can't understand so I just nod and smile now. Thank goodness we're not still getting blood by bus from Memphis.

People have come and gone over the years and we struggle at the lunch table remembering so and so's name and where they came from or went. My "wolfpack" is shrinking with every tech who heads for retirement while I hang in until Sugardaddy comes along. Heh. Never give up hope. Last night while I was hunched over the keyboard a hornet or something dive bombed the back of my neck and I screamed like a baby! Tobacco and ice took some of the pain out. *sigh*

Leaving room for the spirit to work ^j^

mentors and millionaires

The big news in our 'burg today is that somebody here holds a lottery ticket worth 1.9 million give or take a few thousand. It was the dollar kind not Powerball so the store owner doesn't get anything out of the deal. I stopped at the gas station on the way home and heard people talking about the whole hoorah and how people like the ones in our town are bad about not hanging onto the cheap ones. Tsk.Tsk. I reckon that's why I've never bought one. It would be strictly my luck to lose the son of a gun and miss out on payday. Speaking of luck, the birthday window that my parents bought was not installed properly so it dropped into the door AGAIN this afternoon but hopefully didn't break. That's because we couldn't afford the regulator. Duct tape? REALLY??

I worked a different shift today that allowed me to sleep late in my new feng shui bed position which is something that HAD to happen considering the amount of dog hair and dust on those floors. I have a princess and the pea style two mattresses on top of springs on the floor. Much better for the back than sagging slats on an old bedframe. Let's just say that corner is now mostly hair free and the cleanest place in the house at this point.

When I got to work I heard about the death of one of my most favorite doctors. Dr. Jimmy Noonan was a brilliant clinician who bucked early at the idea of being bought out by corporate when what people really needed was an honest to goodness do no harm physician. His practice and that of several other partners was bought up by the company that was our main competitor during the early nineties. He didn't sell out, and instead came back to lead us with his skill for finding talking points in every article of every journal that he ever read, and there were many. He also acted as a go to guy for our hospitalists and served on every committee there was. I remember my mama telling me that he went to military school and therefore didn't graduate from DHS with all the rest of their bunch. Miss Ann has been my mother's Godsend taking her on errands and picking her up for bridge. He was determined not to ever let his physical limitations get in the way of practicing good medicine. You will be missed sir.

Booger has learned a new trick that involves running his tongue over his incoming tooth and blowing loudly. He loves the dogs and the way they tickle his feet when he's in the walker on the nasty dirty kitchen floor. He was here when I got home and BG had spent a day doing laundry and dishes when he let her not be all his.

Love ya. Mean it ^j^

moves like jagger

Anybody? How about some musical name dropping. I'm sitting here with spotify at my fingertips and a whole lot of random thoughts jumbled up in my head. I've set up command central next to the front door so I can see the comings and goings on the lane. Out of habit, I slowed today on the way home to see how the pecans looked. Should be a good year.

The whole government mess is just disgusting and I feel sorry for poor Harry Reid trying to make sense of all that meanness as his swan song, more than likely. I trust the POTUS to carry through with what I see as a very valiant attempt not to let healthcare be a bargaining chip for young (mostly religious) zealots on fire for the Lord. I think that the disasters that we started noticing with terrorist activity since 9/11 are becoming more frequent as the years pass and with as much hatred as ever for the westerners. Jihad that up your everlovin' ass oh bearded one. You can kill me but you can't eat me.

The weather is gorgeous and getting cooler. The breeze is cleansing and seems to be ushering in the quiet season for a farm. No more cattle to be heard on frosty nights. I miss that a lot, believe it or not. My friend Yaya spent the night one time and she mooed back at them! She also fell off the elevated dance floor at our favorite hangout but that's a whole 'nother story. Love you more :) I turned fifty in style thanks to her and a bunch of other friends. Nobody's much celebrating being sixty-ish that I've noticed. It's when age becomes a number and you decide that the time is now to embrace the joy of living simply, with unconditional love for others in spite of cultural and religious difference. Down deep, we're all God's children.

My brother/friend Money Mike has been more than generous through the rough patches and I've learned to appreciate a very non-Christian type of spirituality in his Indian ways. By the way they had a typhoon over there but the death toll was low due to advance planning on "WHAT TO DO WHEN THE WORLD STARTS ENDING!" I know that's being tossed around a lot by the evangelicals but they like to put a hateful god spin on it and I can't keep my mouth shut with holier than thou types. But ya'll knew that, right?

I have piles still....many piles. They are mostly in the office area which is getting a bit cleaner. I read an online article today about how it's kind of mean to have a dog that's penned up all the time and not included with the family. The idgets down the road are the poster children for that kind of animal abuse. Then one of 'em dares to get loose the entire family runs after it through my yard. Truth? Stranger than fiction.

I saw a friend today who recently lost her dad and is having troubles with her mama and my first feeling was just to hug her. She's cute as a bug and is planning a trip with her hub and a lot of others including my brother. Kid Rock Cruise! If I could just find me a sugardaddy, I'd get to go on cruises too *wink*

This is the day that the lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

^j^

random raddling

My entire life, instead of being an onward trudge, has been a lot of different roads that I've chosen. Many times I have wondered what if I had taken the other road...the one not taken. I took a picture at the riverbed fishing hole a few years ago with the two roads diverging in the wood decked with full October regalia. It's a sight to behold, I'm telling you. For years I kept that framed print on the desk at work where I could look at it now and then and remember the sights and sounds of the woods in autumn. That cushy blanket of new fallen leaves is intoxicating.

On my way to work I couldn't see half the windshield so in the pouring rain my friend Nicole at the car place put some new ones on in 15 seconds flat. It would have taken me all day ya'll. I also scooped up some lens tape and duct tape because why? Uh, well...on the back there's this broken thingy over the light bulb and cops like to stop me just for fun on that one. And the duct tape is to hold in the window that I got for my birthday because it's falling the eff out. But hey, at least it's not plastic.

Sounds like all is quiet in Washington while they attempt to *ahem* resolve their differences and give us our full service government back. I'm not talking about all of it but the important chit, ya know? If we don't do something about this economy we'll all be speaking Chinese. One of the things that has struck me about foreign language over the years is that Spanish never goes out of style even though French did. Hola~

a horse of course

Our horse Pride is no tellin' how old and ornery as hell. He got left here as a full grown dude probably 20 years ago and he's still running with the dogs. His most favorite thing used to be tearing down my daddy's raggedy patched barbed wire fences and wading out into the crops or my yard. That all changed when his pasture was cut by 2/3 and he is limited to the new fence surrounding the barn. Until last night.

I can always tell when the dogs go ape shit wild that it has something to do with something or somebody out of place. They're very territorial like that but wouldn't hurt a flea if you're a dog person and or my friend. It's been hilarious watching them get acquainted with Booger and his utter delight with puppy kisses. We have to supervise his visits with the cat because she has been known to flip her wig when she goes into a trance.

I saw Maria on Stewart and was totally aghast at the wisdom of this young woman. It helped me to see that we have it really easy here, all things considered. That's one reason why women's rights activists like me and some of you will march to the death for a sister and even for a brother who understands. I was born right smack in the middle of Wally Cleaver meets the Muppets and Captain Kangaroo. Remember Mr. Green Jeans?????I read Nancy Drew mysteries and Little House on the Prarie and still have those volumes somewhere.

Things are looking better and for that I am thankful to Big Ernie for hanging with me while we perform the most important picking job ever....our lives. It's been a joy to share with buyers the history of each piece and watch it be turned into something beautiful and collectible in its' own right. I have only one of Blog Fairy's peace signs left and haven't had an offer on it so it looks like somebody's Christmas gift. It's such a timely symbol for one who grew up in the strife that was Vietnam. To whomever is paying for the burial expenses of our soldiers, God bless you. I will never........as long as I live, forget what that war did to young men my age who didn't have college as an option. Fourth of July sound familiar?

There's some sort of random shifting of gears as we settle in for a long winter's nap. The holidays are coming and I'm working most of them so whatever makes you say bah humbug. We haven't given gifts in several years choosing instead to buy new clothes keep the utility bill current. BG loves to shop and I hate it so that works well. She picks it out for me and it's done. She did the grocery shopping today and I hate that too. Onward Towanda!

I'm looking forward to my reunion because I haven't seen much of anybody lately except for you know who. We talked about that this morning how we have spent more time, lifewise, at work than at home. The cast changes but it's still the same story of saving lives and whatnot. MRSA got born about the same time docs were overusing the 'cillins to treat with. Bane or blessing, ya know?

I'm still sticking pins in my Boehner voodoo doll so maybe something will break before the Asians come and take us all for collateral on loans. I have to admit that I'm not really big on history and I kind of failed to notice the last time this happened but REALLY? Dudes..they hate us! All of us and our kind with our western ways and unlimited opportunity. The way that they have held us captive is through our greed to oil and all things considered therein. If Walden's pond is gone at least Henley tried to save it. There is a very big proposition on the table that would mean a Keystone pipeline as a center feeder for Alaskan riches. Sounds like something the Koch brothers would dream up.

I managed to squeeze in a mammogram today prior to a doctor's visit next week. Pap smears are every six months for me which is about twice as much as I'd like. So far it's been still low grade dysplasia. Not sure what happens when we go to high alert.

^j^

because i can

I'm having a very soul cleansing kind of day following a trip to the dolla' store for some new shampoo and toothbrushes. BG is out looking for movies and even though it's glorious outside there's a lot of allergens floating around and we're out of benadryl. Forgot that one when I made a four points run. I did, however, score some cute sandals for 1.80 at 70% off. That's how this old girl shops. It used to kill me watching my mother sit around and go through catalogs ordering stuff that ultimately wouldn't fit because she's so short. She kept Appleseeds.com in business. But that was then and this is now and we're neck deep in a shutdown of basic government services in such a way that whomever freakin' BLINKS first is either the hero or the villain. I've got to be honest, it scares the shit out of me and I'm glad I got faithful before this big old gol'durn mess came along. That's what Doris used to call it when everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

I haven't seen Doris in forever and a day nor Yaya or my redneck friend Angie or Gigi or well, anybody much outside of work. Because that's all I do ya know ;) That and the other stuff. Our house is emptier which is good because it's easier to sweep, though we do need a new broom or two. Corporate is coming just in time for bean cuttin' and pecan falling so there's that incentive to clean up the homestead. I still have scrap laying in a pile out by the driveway just waiting to be stolen and no takers. *sigh*

We found a treasure trove of memories in this one American Eagle bag from BGs high school days. There was a yellowed full page story about my daddy and the way he's been tied to agriculture and service to others all his life. Son of a sharecropper gets to live every farmer's dream as the middle man. As long as I can remember he's been volunteering his time to help others and my mama did the same thing. They were very strong supporters of the local volunteer blood program for years. Daddy drove a van picking up underprivileged kids for transport to the nearby youth camp. My mother established the tradition of home bound communion in our church which is something that I found to be a really powerful experience. The church is with the people, wherever they are.

My friends Martha and Glenda are going to see Michael McDonald next month and I wish I could ride in one of them's purse and see my hero in person just one time. They've seen Barry lots of times...big time Fanilows! That Doobie Brother has always had my heart.

Over and out from the lane ^j^

church night

For those who make their way toward a gathering of one or more on hump day this is a long one with fellowship normally following a full day of work, unlike Sunday services. It's even long for those who volunteer to run the buses and pick up elderly and those who have no car. Wednesday night was a big part of our years at FUMC with Youth Club and later Salt and Light becoming ministries. At youth club adults would each lead a table of mixed sex and aged kids, usually stairstepped from elementary to high school. It was an interesting experience in watching them grow up and gave me some training for my term as a parent. It was an idea introduced by a couple of our pastors who were kind of outside the box. That youth program was set up to succeed when the younger man went off to seminary. A large council of parents was pulled together to keep it going, complete with graphs and charts. Wade found what was successful with these kids and made it work for them. He is the main reason that I taught SS during the high school years when BG said "no thanks." Oh, and Cecil and Tharon and Lynn and Ronnie and...my faith was molded during those years and it continues to become stronger the more obstacles I face. That's what Big Ernie does with the faithful so that it's never really a finished project.

As for me, this hump day is my free day eve so I'm thinking about staying up past six since Booger's coming and all. Plus there's $ for takeout thanks to a random sale of furniture which I hauled in the backseat of the (faithful) Camry up to the buyer's work. It's all a big surprise for her daughter who spotted the piece and about died over it knowing that Mama would scoop it up for her at some point. I.Can't.Wait. She has two little kids who will have all kinds of fun with the drawers.

My family never had time for the mid-week thing because there were three kids, two jobs and an entire farm to run. But hey...I turned out okay I think. Depends on who you ask at any given point in time! Simplicity is the key to what my life is about now. I spent decades trying to control details of every little thing only to find that I was nothing but exhausted. And yes, they make a pill for that. I wear the same clothes over and over because it's a necessary thing. At least there's not a dress code anymore...that was a freakin' nightmare! I had all good scrubs and had to wear my friend's solid hand me downs until just a year or so ago. My cute ones went to Anna Banana the superhero of our local head start.

Not to go to the dark side or anything but I am more than concerned at what's happening with the federal government and it scares me to see the figure 5% used as an approval rating. Somehow our illusion of safety has become to have somebody in charge who is totally right about everything. That's called a lot of things including a dictatorship. Only here we have a whole shitload of 'em who listen to the crazy ones. Hitler started that way. Segregation was a sad product of the same kind of politics. God bless good old Abe Lincoln and the Allied troops.

Just like my daddy said "Janie.. It has always been thus and so." Yes sir ^j^

talk to the hand

As I was wandering out through the lobby to leave work I stopped to catch a few minutes of the President's speech concerning the hostage taking of our government by the Republican party. I nodded silently as he called their moves for what they are...an attempt to get their way by holding the Affordable care act as a hostage when it is, in fact, not even a real person in this negotiation. Once again it was voted in by Congress and has been found constitutional by the Supreme court. What's your freakin' problem, jerkoffs?? All of this going back and trying to UNDO what the courts and government have already done, most especially in cases where the people have made their wishes very clear, is ludicrous. Those who would put the wishes of a few (mostly rich and powerful ones, at that) above the wishes of the majority can be sure that when election time rolls around, there will be consequences. And I can't wait to watch!!!!

One of the many ways that the shutdown has affected the country is that the death benefit for fallen soldiers is not being granted which is how their funerals are paid for, transportation to meet the body, hotels and food, etc. The national parks are downright scary, with Yellowstone reportedly holding a group of senior citizens under armed guard during their two day stay at an inn. The seniors from other countries who didn't speak English very well thought they were under arrest. Great PR for the red white and blue. I'm beginning to see that the long arm of the law extends well past us in a way that even we don't realize. Big brother is here.

Anybody who's read my stories knows that I can get into a most unusual circumstance and consider it normal just because of the fact that my life is like walking on landmines or IEDs. As hard as I try to believe good and happy thoughts, some kind of misery is sure to seek me out and burst the bubble. My friend Michelle waited at work one day to tell me about her super duper weekend which I've got to say is definitely something you can't make up. She and her hub drove 4 hours away to her son's old house which had to be empty by that night. They arrived to find the doors locked and the realtor nowhere to be found. Her boy (who lives hours away in Virginia) called the local cops to ask if it was okay for them to go in through the (open) window and get his stuff which included a giant stainless steel refrigerator freezer. They said fine as long as there was no breaking with the entering so my friend scooted in through the window and they got on with the business at hand. Somebody didn't get the memo about it being okay so here they are about to load up when the law comes into the place and pulls them outside to sit in the grass a spell while they "clear things up." They were trying to outrun a storm on the way back to the 'burg but managed to end up in the middle of a damn tornado warning with a stainless steel lightning rod of an appliance in tow. So of course they tucked the whole deal into a car wash for safety until they realized that it was metal too! When they finally got home Michelle was standing behind the trailer and her husband backed the trailer into her shins! Bless all their little hearts.

I'm learning a lot about the newspaper biz just from what BG shares with me about the printing of a daily rag. Their press is kind of finicky so lots of time is spent trying to get it to run smoothly enough to get the job done. She explained to me about the print being burned onto plates that are loaded onto the press which is something I had never really thought about. Cool as hell! Meanwhile, the world continues to twirl. Pecan hulls are still green but opening slowly just waiting for a hard frost and some good wind to finish the job. That will go from early November through December. I've seen years when they're still falling in January!

Money is still tight, but we eat and manage to get to work so we're more fortunate than many. I told one friend today that my only regret was not saving money when I had it so that my golden years didn't have to be spent scrimping. If I had just one dollar for every 32 buck OD fee I've had this year I'd be able to buy some propane and cook a decent meal. I will get there...ya'll hide and watch.

keep on keepin' on and keep the faith ^j^

i got nothing

Back in my beginner blogger days we all had such a loyalty among us (think BFB) that when somebody was gonna be out they would have a "guest blogger" while they were away. Now you can tweet your entire life to anywhere in the world with a hashtag. Spell check just underlined that word by the way. Surely it's a real word by now!

Miracles abound as we ventured to yet another new destination for brunch, this time checking out the Dairy Queen inside service. The owners used to live next door to KY cousin when we were growing up so it's a long term I know your mama and them kinda' thing. High five to Kirk and Kevin. As it turns out we're not the only ones who buy dilly bars by the box as he says they're selling the fire out of them.

Far as I know the government is still shut down and they're all in a standoff while we get hung out to dry. I'd bitch if it would make any difference but it doesn't. In the words of my friend Sue "it is what it is." Embrace it and move on. That doesn't, by many means, give up. Just acknowledge the elephant in the room and make peace with what is. Do I hear an amen?

Fall came in with a nearby tornado and cooler temps last night but I slept through the whole thing. With all the dogs of course. Boogs and his mom stayed the night and BG ended up at the paper half the night working with a stubborn press. Daddy got his on time so they did good.

My 40th reunion is almost here and I'm not even paid up yet. It's been such a struggle to rob peter and pay paul around here that I figure I'll pay up at the door with cash. They know I'm coming!

Ya'll have a glorious first real day of autumn ^j^

peaceful easy feeling

I'm tickled to death to be home today with the dogs, Lily, BG and Boogs. The rain has begun in spurts preceding the cool front that will hopefully clear out the humidity. I woke up to baby squeals of delight this morning and that's something I haven't done in eons. I kinda like it and especially because TTW was the one who had to get up. I just rolled over on a dog and slept some more.

I'm still pimping selling valuable treasures but nobody seems to have much interest anymore. I'm finding things that I'd forgotten I had and wondering if a yard sale price is worth partying with a family heirloom. Not that they're worth a lot to anybody but me! I have one peace sign left and it will probably go to my friend the Count because we're old hippies that have grown up together from birth. That is, unless somebody comes through with some cash for it! I'm letting go of things that I never thought possible and loving every inch of the space as it's cleared out. Soon the dining room will be empty and can be properly cleaned for the first time in years. God is good to those who persevere. He is the very one who told me after I returned all the stolen goods from the Nigerian conman that I had some good karma coming. A lot of it has come from him.

My brother and his family live in the Blue Ridge mountains of Virginia where tourism is a huge industry. Thanks to the government shutdown even the overlooks are closed and that's just wrong. People have planned their vacations for months to be there for the leaf changing and all of the hospitality industry is being affected not only there but in other national parks. This is ridiculous! Folks need jobs and they're being laid off by the feds while the two parties are in a pissing contest. I know I said I wouldn't rant anymore but I lied. I just keep thinking about Mr. Yates and "this too shall pass." I'd say we've already left lots of room for the spirit to work.

^j^

friday tales

I drove into the dark parking lot at work and spotted one of my co-workers peeping through the back of a vehicle. She walked off and then went back a couple of times so I asked if there was a body in there or something. We got closer and found a teeny tiny kitten who had ridden the 10 miles to work with his mama and hopped down to call for help. She had been at work for 12 hours! We tracked down the owner pretty quickly and other Janie got kitty safely into the vehicle for a better ride home. I have seen first hand what an engine will do to a kitty and it ain't pretty. That one just used up one of his 9 lives.

Cooler air is moving in next week and I'm ready for it so the light bill will go down. Even with a fairly new unit, this place is hard to heat and cool. My plan is to get just enough propane to cook with and save some for a hard freeze or some such. We've been lucky the past two years..like REAL lucky with the moderate temps. I'm seeing solid brown wooly worms which means something, though I'm not quite what. The pecans are beginning to open up a bit and it looks like a good year on select trees which I will NEVER identify. It's my stash :)

I'm done with the shutdown rant and I know people will be glad to hear that. It's too stupid for even commentary anymore. When and if they take a breath and decide that their constituents don't deserve that treatment, we might have a chance. I wanted to puke when I saw a pic of JB spouting off that the whole shutdown is Obama's fault. Yeah right dude. Oh, and I've got some land in Florida for you! Life is too short to constantly be trying to change what is when a more meaningful approach is to look at "it", say "that's whassup!" let it go and mourn it. When my (very) late grandma died of colon cancer I was still a young one in my new job. I finally grieved her death ten years later in therapy. Angel stuff, ya'll. The stages and steps are proven to work miracles.

A very close friend of mine is quite sick and everybody is worried about her because she's always so on top of things and this has kicked her butt physically. Sometimes I think that's Big Ernie's way of telling us to slow down. Not to say that I'm all laying around or anything, but I know my limits. If I fall off a ladder and nobody's here, I'm screwed!

Happy Friday. Hope it's filled with whatever you need to feel humble and grateful and joyful. And faithful,of course ^j^

yes sir, indeed

My favorite stupid old southern congressman story for day 3 of the shutdown of the services of our federal government. Lots of the tea partiers showed up for a photo op with the pissed off vets who got turned away from the park. He blamed, now get this, the freakin' park ranger. It was absurd and before it was all over he just said well he meant that it was Harry's fault. That was after onlookers rescued the poor young lady just trying to do her job, whatever that is now we are in full shutdown. Well, except for kids with cancer. And food supplementation in the form of vouchers based on need which is drying up quick. We are way past any sort of orderly going down the rabbit hole. Hey..I read Left Behind and all. I know that one day I'm gonna wake up on a plane and think..oh shit. I'd rather be down here with my homies when the end times come. The really scary thing about the series is that so far it's been spot on as far as global finance, politics and the vanity of an elite few. All we know about the money changer was that he wasn't American. Maybe Nigerian or something.

I also read The Shack which was much more my speed because I could relate to how we ultimately have to face the pain to move forward. It might be ugly and messy and all that, but it won't go away until it's let go. The only way to get past a particular painful thing is to feel it full on, with guidance of course (and some happy pills on occasion) having regular sessions with some sort of counselor. Preferably one who knows from whence you came so they can just refer to their notes. There is one particular guy who's been listening to me cry for years and guided me through yet another tough period of life. He told me that many of the healthcare workers that he counsels tell him the same thing these days. Good old Rod the LCSW. Bless your heart buddy. You earned your pay with this family :)

I have a word of advice for old JB who currently has his balls twisted because of the ornery old coots who thought up the tea party. Oh and their very YOUNG recruits. You make me sick people....every one of you. But the ones who make me the sickest are the women who play all innocent like they're still in the 50's watching Beaver Cleaver. I think her name is Michelle or something like that. Of course she's the polar opposite of hardy lusty Sarah Palin who can see Russia from her house and likes to hunt and fish. Hey..here's an idea for a cartoon...she and Cheney in the woods with guns.

It's looking a lot like Hillary might now be in the best physical shape to make a run for the presidency so I nominate Elizabeth Warren for the job. Of all the things that I've read over the past few years, her ideas and approach to social change are the ones that I identify with. Help the poor and struggling. They didn't all get there by their own choice. Sometimes the partisanship of their government stands in the way of a basic human right which is access to healthcare.

Planning on a good evening with Hangover 2 and my new celeb boyfriend the monkey. Love that little dude.

Peace out ya'll...our God is awesome.

early to bed

I'm sitting here inside Casa Poops because it's still just awfully muggy and warm out there, especially for October in Tennessee. I suspect global warming is the culprit, don't ya'll? I went to bed last night thinking that surely the GOP would get their act together and compromise to avoid the dreaded government shutdown. Boy was I wrong. It seems that even I underestimated their stupidity and I never give them any slack on being the least bit bright. What really puzzles me about the whole budget/Obamacare thing is that one of their own golden boys is the one who invented it in his home state of Massachusetts. Romneycare...ding ding? A very successful state run healthcare program which has cut ER visits so that the really SICK ones can be seen and saved millions of dollars, nay BILLIONS. Healthcare is expensive, you know. My personal theory is that the ones who are blackballing the Affordable Care Act are those with extensive financial interests in big pharm and or insurance. And of course they just hate Obama because he's the devil incarnate and nobody knows where he was born. Or something like that. Go to hell Congress. You have shown your colors to the American people loud and clear. Don't tell my mama I said go to hell either.

Things have been pretty tense for the past few weeks what with financial tsunamis and quality improvement at the sawmill plus a big fat honkin' side of not enough happy pills. It just dawned on me this morning when I felt "normal" again that I had been taking half of what I normally do because they were fewer milligrams. Yep, I know I'm almost a nurse but in the throes of despair that never occurred to me until today when I didn't even have the slightest urge to cry and my thoughts kind of all directed themselves to a place where I can sort things out. We had two teenage boys and a baby one last night and that was a bit much since we're usually in the bed by 8PM. Five o'clock comes mighty early.

I talked to my cousin in WA yesterday and couldn't believe it was the same woman I spoke with a few days ago. Her health is kind of touch and go and it tickled me to death to hear her voice sounding strong again. She called for mama's number so that they could chat a bit which I'm sure thrilled mom to pieces. Mama had lined me up for a ride home today if she went out to eat with the "bridge club" and I had totally forgotten about it until she called today to tell me she didn't go. I'm telling you, I need post-it notes in front of me for every little thing.

The leaves are falling on the gumball trees which are usually the first to take on color. There is one that my daddy planted on the fence row when we first moved here and it's huge now.....a sprawling mass of purple and orange that will hopefully be planted around. I would seriously hate to see that thing go by the wayside. Since it rained a good bit the corn is drying out before all hell breaks loose with the cutting and allergies.

We watched the most hilarious movie called Bad Parents the other day about soccer parents and how possessed they can be with their children's sports teams. I remember the days of A and B team quite well during the time when BG dabbled in basketball and volleyball. I seriously wish I had back all the $$ I spent on those stupid camps.

Carry on wayward sons and daughters. And keep the faith ^j^