Wednesday, January 4, 2012

*somebody hold me*

I'm about as tough as they come in middle aged smartass women because my life is a freakin' train wreck waiting to happen most of the time. Occasionally I get pissed off, when not in training for dealing with 24 hour bullshit like being off for six days with only a few hours here and there to keep me grounded in real life. That's the thing about about going somewhere when you're off. It provides a chance to really disconnect and see another world. Most of my time off was spent cleaning and watching TV which was just fine with the old poopster because it HAD to be done or else the landlord was going to kick us out. Nah, not really. But with four pets in the house, you have to stay on top of things. Which we normally do not. Ever.

This past year has presented me with challenges that have been not met with a whole lot of enthusiasm which is not like me. I believe it's because there are so many layers of drama around that I've let my boundaries get loose and get absorbed in people's petty little attitudes instead of confronting them head on. And by then I'm really mad. That's when the ugly cry breaks out and my eyes remain swollen for a full 24 hours after. Fun times! At this particular point in my life I feel betrayed by several people in my life, not because they have intentionally hurt me but because they have used my easy going nature and avoidance of drama to let things go on longer than they should. One particular hurtful incident involved a former co-worker who asked specifically that I not know what was going on in her personal life because I would "gloat." Oh.My.God. Please see above life referenced as "train wreck". Do I look like that kind of prima donna?

Propane guy and me talked straight up and I told him a check was in the mail. He told me that I'm not the only one struggling out there, and he is too. I feel so badly for letting that go because he cared for me out of the goodness of his heart with no contract just because I was a customer. Maybe if I ask 'em to give him a key to the city of Gates he'll forgive me! Things will be better this year I do believe. I won't say they couldn't be worse or then the aliens will come and shoot us all down and we'll have to live on ships like those people in the Kevin Costner movie. And yes, I'm rambling, because it's good therapy.

I finally have something to look forward to with the film debut of Stephanie Plum and Chelsea's twice weekly appearances in addition to late night. I also will be going on a real vacation somewhere, even if it's only for a three day weekend. Communing with nature is very effective in reducing stress. I used to be a big time walker, plodding up and down the lane and golf course road in numerous pairs of tennis shoes that have long since hit the landfill. That's also a plan since I get off early consistently now, and the days are will be getting longer. I do fine unless it's below 40 or over 90. Then, it's too easy to stay comfy inside.

I've been mulling over the other person's sentiments and it came to me pretty quickly that it was projection...what SHE would do if she were me. That took me from hurt to acceptance so it's time to go find a teddy bear or a dog and snuggle up. Eff 'em if they can't take a joke. Right ya'll!



  1. AND feed 'em beans.
    I have no idea why we used to day that!

  2. I've always considered myself a "ramblin kind of man" so naturally I like others that ramble on about what seems like nothing, but I know from experience, when I'm ramblin on I'm digging from a deep hole where many of my treasures are buried. I believe I saw a few gems in there. I'd hug you but my arms are not that long, so an electronic one will have to do for now. Hang in there!