bye felicia

I got to watch the Netflix presentation "Death to 2020" today and I must say it was one of those that keeps you present and in the moment in a funny sarcastic sort of way.  Samuel L. Jackson as the reporter is outstanding and the star studded cast creates an ensemble sort of piece that makes you go hmmmm.  Five stars kids.

God works in mysterious ways sometimes.  Right after the movie ended one of my clients called with a request for an item that I failed to pick up on an earlier run and a bag of celery.  The mayo was an easy dollar store scoop up but I would have to go INTO Kroger on a New Year's Eve Friday night to get said celery.  Luckily Gay had some and I got by with just the 'gentral.  Kroger looked typical for this time of the day as I whooshed on by.  

Lauren and I have worn each others' clothes off and on for years.  I had this fleece  lined long hooded coat from Old Navy that ended up being mine but it was hers first, if you know what I mean.  Anywho....the temp dropped when she and Reaves were here last night so I gave it back to her for the trip.   Soo...on the way to a job today I went by the Mission's thrift store and found another one for ten bucks that met my standards such as "must have hood."  

In spite of the challenges, I've experienced a lot of joy in 2020.  The biggest one was being alive when everybody thought I was a goner.  I take no credit for that because God gave me another chance and I was just about to give it up when a kind surgeon who had saved my life told me I was his best patient and not to give up.  My family is alive and well and nobody's deathly ill at the moment but we've had our trials.  It can turn on a dime.  That is why I am so grateful for every moment of every day.  There is something to be learned in being attentive.  I watched a bunch of ducks huddle up next to the bank this afternoon just gliding around and chatting.  That went on for a good 30 minutes.

My feast tomorrow will be purple hull peas, spinach with bacon and cornbread.  I hate those black eyes!  Y'all be keerful and call Uber or your mama for a ride if need be.  Love ya' like chicken ^j^

I feel lucky

As I was wandering down memory lane about bloggers the other day I neglected to mention one that had me from the get go with hers, The Bloggess.  Jenny Lawson has gone on to write several popular books like "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" and "Furiously Happy."  She ran across some hardbacks of the former and threw them out with an offer to comment for a signed book.  Come on gurl...Victor seriously wants me to have it!

I expected the 2K to be shot down and so it came to be.  The whole thing is ridiculous in my opinion.   There are serious considerations for the Republican Senate at this point which may involve how their party survives.  It's not free money.  Each and every once of us has been affected by this crisis in one way or another.  I delayed an elective surgery this summer because I was afraid of COVID and now look.  Healthcare providers and first responders are exhausted beyond what is safe.  Many landlords are ignoring the eviction moratorium and kicking folks to the curb.  Hungry people. In the cold.  There is no pay for people who are quarantined but don't test positive.  BG has been there, done that.  

I'm set to have a tooth pulled tomorrow and this isn't just any old extraction.  It's a loose crown so should come out easy but I had to quit taking the antibiotic because it was killing my gut.  The worst that can happen is that I get jaw necrosis and have to see an oral surgeon.  Lerd.

I've put the whole colon thing on the back burner for now because.  Covid.  Tennessee is a hot spot, a very overwhelmed one.  As long as I can get those bags, I'ma gonna' leave room for the spirit to work on that.

Joy. Peace.  And the greatest of these is Love ^j^

fear

Not much scares me and I tend not to sweat the small stuff.  What has happened to us this year is scary as hell.  What makes it worse is that so much of the misery could have been avoided had people taken the virus seriously back when the spread was not like it is now.  And yet still, there are maskless marauders out there coughing and sneezing on everybody in sight.  I try to stay six feet away from others and have not eaten out in months except for the Huddle House .  Groceries are by pickup and gas is done with a card at the pump.  Hand sanitizer rides shotgun with me. I am quite immunocompromised because of this past year and feel like a sitting duck.  And I am not alone.  Most everybody feels the same way....waiting and watching to see just how bad it gets following the biggest air travel day since the pandemic began.  I long for hugs and human companionship other than the virtual kind.  If I didn't have my dogs I'd be lost.

And there is an insanity brewing for which we are not prepared.  Reaves is 3 years old and has a hard time with the concept of "there is no more."  This is a harsh reality in the current crisis because the entire country is in disarray.  Hospitals have a finite capacity to treat and that limit is quickly being stretched.  We take it for granted that they'll always be there but........

Our democracy is slowly but surely crumbling because of extremists on both sides.  It's like everybody loves to fight now.  Civil discourse seems to be a thing of the past.  And honestly?  That burdens my spirit because I feel all of the negativity.  That's why I enjoy getting lost in mindless fun on TV.  Entertainment is an escape from the real world.  

I remember when our first COVID case was reported for Dyer County back in March.  We now have over 4000 cases and 67 deaths.  This beast has grown in size to something we probably can't handle unless everybody works together.  Like wear a freakin' mask stupid.  It's not your right to go out and infect others if you are asymptomatic.  Learn about the science of infectious disease transmission.  It's a real thing, ya' know.  Back when I was going to state sponsored safety classes the two top topics were radiation exposure from a bomb and epidemiology.  

I saw a video that infuriated me to no end.  At some hotel, a white lady "forgot" that she had left her phone in an Uber and proceeded to go off on the young black man and his father accusing them of stealing it.  It was a big scene like one that a Karen would make.  And guess what?  The hotel clerk humored her.  I wonder if she apologized after the Uber driver returned her phone.  He didn't have to do that, ya know.  Just an honest guy trying to do the right thing.  This was not a black white thing....it's a sense of entitlement and paranoia that so many folks embrace.  I've lost my phone a hundred times.  Debit card too.  Yet I never ever suspected somebody of taking them because I know how careless I can be.  And sometimes, shit just happens.  The phone disappears and shows back up in an odd place.  The debit card can be replaced.  Thank goodness they don't charge me for that.  I have done much better with being organized since I got a decent wallet and a purse that isn't bottomless.  A new car helps too.  

I don't know kids.  I reckon I'll crawl on back into neverland and hibernate a bit longer.  Keep the faith ^j^

follow that star

Once upon a time I had a friend whose blog was named just that.  I never knew exactly where he got the name, but to me it resonated the season of Epiphany during which the wise men followed the star to find baby Jesus.  I never knew exactly what Epiphany was until I heard a sermon many years ago about the whole thing.  I also did not know, until today, that Mary and Joseph sacrificed two pigeons (partridges in a pear tree) as required by law on the birth of a firstborn son.  A lamb was the norm but for the not so well off, pigeons would do.  Then they all went home.

Her sermon highlighted how we have all had our lives disrupted by disease, death and grief.  Yet we learn to "go home" to a new normal.  It is the way to live faithfully and honor those we have lost or experiences that were catastrophic.  Remember on 9/11 when we all thought it was the end of the world?  A whole lot of people died and we were shaken to the core as a country, yet we rebuilt and carried onward.  We are resilient, and a lot of that comes from the Holy Spirit.  I cannot imagine not having faith in something better.  It is what keeps me going in dark times and joyous in good ones.  My church family, including my parents and all those before them, have taught me that.  

I am, though not at all surprised, appalled that Trump has not signed the relief bill.  I guess he's been too distracted playing golf.  This is a bi-partisan agreement that was painfully hammered out over months of bickering.  It was ready to go with at least some help for those affected by COVID.  There was pork in there, but both sides agreed to it.  Enhanced unemployment is gone.  A stimulus check that was set to roll out within weeks is now in jeopardy.  I can see how this will all play out.  A stand alone bill for a 2000 dollar payment could be crafted quickly if that's the problem.  The PROBLEM is it won't pass the Senate which will give Trump once more chance to cry foul.  How dare them deny the American people the financial help that they desperately need!  I call BS.  Twenty four days, kids.

So there were human remains around the bomb site in Nashville indicating that it was a suicide bombing.  If I were a bettin' gal I'd say the gunshots heard was he or she offing him or her self before the grand finale.  I've watched enough crime shows to know there's always a twist.  If they wanted to out with a bang, it was a success.  A very damaging success.  I am intrigued with this one not just because it's local but because I thought I had seen it all.  

I keep looking in the refrigerator trying to decide what to eat and nothing is appealing.  I have taste and smell, just no appetite.  I imagine it's the end of that Christmas stomach bug thing.  This is the day that the Lord has made....Let us rejoice and be glad in it ^j^

obstacles

They just keep popping up.  Following two days of heavy breakfast food that I'm not used to, I went to bed at 4:40 ON Christmas because I didn't feel well.  The nausea hit me about ten and I slept fitfully off and on waiting for the pain to pass and go to the diarrhea phase, which indeed it did.  That resulted in not one but two bag changes in the wee hours of the morning.  Before Medicare I was on auto re-order for supplies so now I have to do it myself, which is fine.  EXCEPT I now owe the provider about 800 bucks for the whole BC/BS fiasco.  I'm going to try and negotiate a payment plan to continue using them.  If not, I'll start over with another provider.  Medicare part B is supposed to cover the entire cost but the problem was that insurance snafu I didn't find out about until July.  Had I known I could have kept the policy following the appeal, I would have paid the 300 per month.  Only none of this was resolved until July and by then the 300 that I didn't know about had increased to 2000 which I also could not pay.  Soooo....all those bills are now coming back on me.  I'm sure the ACA is a wonderful thing for a lot of folks but I sure have had trouble with them this year.  

To be totally honest, I had no idea what was going on for those first couple of months.  It was all I could do to maintain at home with some guidance from an agency, which also did not get paid.  Surely there is a clause somewhere that covers two months of blackout following a medical emergency.  Let us pray on that one.

Reaves had a large time and I got to a video of her waking up to Santa which was almost like being there.  The last picture I saw was of her passed out on the couch following a very long day.  She makes my heart smile really big.

I am choosing to give all this money stuff to God.  All I can do is try to keep up and do the next right thing.  Sorry to be a bummer today.  The stomach bug tends to do that to a girl!  Peace and love to all ^j^

christmas present

A friend shared her personal miracle for Christmas Eve.  A friend of HER friend had posted a desire to help out someone in need with gifts and what not.  Friend #1 let recipient know that Santa would be there at 8PM.  At the appointed time a youngish brother and sister arrived with a Bible, some cash, and several kid presents.  I cried when she told me the story.  And this young duo traveled a loooong way to pull it off.  Ain't God good?  Thank God from whom all blessings flow.

Bubba and I were eating breakfast at Huddle House this morning which is our new tradition.  We then hauled Mama's bed down to the cabin and put it together.  Neither of us had a tape measure on us so I'm going to start keeping one in the badass car.  My friend was visiting yesterday and noticed the booster cables laying on the kitchen floor.  "Don't leave home without 'em" he said and he promptly found a place to store them.  I am truly blessed having so many folks to help me out.  Lauren dropped by for a minute and unmuted Netflix for me thank goodness.  I could use a full time keeper but dangit, I try.  

While we were eating breakfast we watched the drama of the downtown Nashville explosion developing.  From what I've read, a few shots were fired, evidently to lure police down there.  The responding officers thought the RV looked suspicious and called bomb squad backup.  Before they arrived the whole thing blew up and took out everything around it.  Fortunately, nobody was killed.  Had this been any random evening at this spot, there would have been a lot of carnage.  It was definitely planned to draw a lot of attention on a peaceful Christmas morning.  *sigh*

Yet all is well, all is bright.  Merry Christmas to you and your mama'n'them.  And Happy Birthday baby Jesus ^j^

then one foggy christmas eve

Christmas memories abound, and I distinctly remember one Christms Eve when I ran out of propane which is not an unusual thing for me.  My buddy Butch showed up that day to keep us from freezing to death.  I don't even remember who "us" was back in the day but I figure it was me and Lauren.  And it was cold and the stove wouldn't work.  I think I was still at the hospital at that time so I had a fat salary compared to what I'm living on now.  I still owe him money which I will pay back slowly but surely even though I'm moving.  You don't stiff a guy who's had your back for that many years.  

We had a small family gathering at the cabin this morning and ate some kickass food whilst enjoying everybody's company.  All three of us including da' baby.  She wanted to hug Uncle Bubba and we handed her over only to find that he didn't know the proper way to hug.  After that we finished up the laundry and 

Reaves played with baby Jesus and his crew.  I got lotso' presents and have a date at Huddle House in the morning with said uncle.  My gift to him was deviled eggs.  

I hope that Santa comes down your chimney or through the door, whatever works.  Reaves gets it this year so that should be fun for all.  She knows it's all about the virgin birth.  Praise be!

very merry

I have my food prep done for Christmas Eve brunch and it will be cooked at "Gaga new house" in the morning in anticipation of our small family gathering.  There's a table and chairs there and all the disposables.  That oven will be on her virgin run.  I also will be hauling a Reaves sized porch chair as a housewarming gift.  My back seats won't be upright for a long time.  

The pieces that are going are in good shape and will stay that way.  I can't wait to sit in the recliner and watch TV on the big screen.  Currently, Oscar is sacked out on it but there will be new ground rules there.  Just not sure what they are yet!

Merry Christmas eve eve ^j^

change of plans

Well we are moving to Plan B on the surgery due to some tricky business with the local surgery center.  Since it has not been five years since my last colonoscopy I will have to pay a 200 dollar "facility fee" for it which I don't have.  This one is considered diagnostic vs a routine exam for which I would be zero out of pocket.  Thus, the fee.  I just told them I'd have to put it off 'til after the first of the year.  I wasn't really liking the idea of doing the prep on a long Christmas weekend anyway.  I'd call that divine intervention.  

I did my first hands free call on the car today and it was quite the treat.  Worked like a charm.  My friend came out asking all kinds of questions about it yesterday to which I replied "I don't know??"  He instructed me to read that manual like the bible of transportation.  Yes sir!  It will take a minute to get used to all the bells and whistles.  The first day I had it there was rain and I couldn't figure out the wiper situation except to keep pushing it down.  

I'm gonna' try to find the star amongst all the trees in a few.  Everybody says you can see it with the "nekkid" eye.  Peace and love to you and yours.  

if it ain't one thing it's five

I went to the dentist this morning expecting a crown and instead got a filling.  Number 2 is very loose ( a crown ) and upon xray we discovered that the dang root is split which is quite unusual.  The only option is to pull it which is kinda sorta risky because I'm on Prolia.  We discussed the options at length of going ahead before it gets worse or waiting.  I finally heard what I wanted to hear which was "If you were MY mother..yada upon which I said let's do it.  So now I'm on antibiotics for ten days as a prophylactic for the deadly necrosis of the jaw.  The extraction will be next Wednesday following a colonoscopy on Monday.  Man, talk about wrapping up 2020 with a bang.

I am not very techie at all.  I picked up a remote from WallyWorld that is supposed to work with my TV but it will take a rocket scientist to figure it out.  I should have gone with my gut and gotten a plain old ROKU replacement which I ended up ordering just now.  I'm sure I can use this big old universal remote at the cabin sometime.  I now have three TVs only one of which is smart.  I will get a firestick for the biggest one that's gonna hang over the fireplace.  Patrick and I carried a couple of small pieces down there (in the rain) yesterday and hauled them in the back of my badass fancy car.  I see this being a very handy tool in my future.  I used to haul wheat straw in that old Camry but not this baby.  And Mama's little table with drawers is right where it started.  

I'm gonna look for that star this evening though I think you have to have "at least" a telescope.  Oh, well.  I'll know it's there and I'll bet there will smooth be some karma going on with it.  Christmas Karma.  Y'all be joyful, for unto us a child is born ^j^

dental work

The girls came yesterday and Reaves wanted to open a present.  I offered her one and it had a calendar and Paige Semmel original shirt which she was not at all impressed with.  Clothes...bah.  Where's the toy?  Soooo, I pulled out the Play Doh dentist kit and she went to town with it as soon as we figured out how to get batteries into the drill.  The kept her occupied for a long time until she wanted "another" present.  There was a thirty minute melt down over the word "no more" and I told her all that was left was presents for Mommy.  Could she help me gift them?  She loved it as Lauren yelped with delight over every little thing.  See, my child!  The joy is in the giving.  Lauren will be back for brunch with me and Bubba down at the cabin.  

I'm still on a learning curve with the new vehicle.  I had to check and double check to make sure the lights were on because it was mighty foggy and misty out there.  I  made my one trip for the day and cruised on home.  I haven't washed dishes in a week so that is on today's to do list.  Last night I was craving fried mushrooms after watching Brenda Gantt fry some up.  I finally found some by delivery without having to pay doordash.  Good old Alvino's.  Whole mushrooms are on my pickup list for WalMart tomorrow along with a few other things like ANOTHER replacement remote.  Ellie ate the last one but there are no signs of the remnants in the house.  I'm assuming she took it outside to destroy.  

All four advent candles are lit in front of the nativity.  Merry Christmas week!

trusty old camry

No tears were shed over leaving her at the lot over in Humboldt.  I was privileged to work with a super sweet sales consultant and the entire staff went above and beyond to help me.  Bubba and I met in the showroom right in front of a dang 80K Mustang with a snake emblem on it.  Something 500.  Anywho, four hours later I drove off in a new to me vehicle that is reliable.  Carrie said to me "honey, I knew you needed a new car....just not how BAD you needed one"  I told her the story about the bicycle guy stealing her from the hospital parking lot, which seems like just yesterday.  It still rankles me that I had to pay to get it out of impound with the evidence still inside!  I politely drove to the DPD and told them they had left some things behind.  Like the clothes he had on and a second stolen bike.  Plus his backpack.  As far as I know he's still in the slammer.

I'm sure that I'll never be able to find "my car" in the parking lot again because she was pretty distinctive what with all the dents and lens tape on the rear.  It was time for a change because I was about to be carless and that ain't good.  I have poured money into that old thing and even traded it in with a new tire and battery.  I had reached the point of now or never.  

With upgrade comes greater expense.  I will have to seriously study the budget to make this work.  And shop around.  Little things add up like 2 dolla bottles of Propel from a convenience store.  The DG has them for a buck.  The dogs are playing right now in my office and I've never been happier to see that joyful interaction.  They are brudder and sista.  

I'm still kind of numb from the whole day.  I feel blessed beyond measure, though.  Abundance comes when it is due.  I think I was way past my due date.  It requires that I be mindful and vigilant of how blessings can flow.  Y'all be safe and make Santa some cookies.  Heck, leave him some laced egg not.  The reindeer are driving!

tears of ??

As I passed on by the lane today to check out the cabin progress, I found myself driving home in tears.  All of a sudden it hit me that what has been three years in the making is about to become a reality.  All change, even the good kind, involves a sense of loss for the usual.  I have lived in this home for 32 years.  I spent a lot of blood sweat and tears cleaning out the attic and basement yet they've never been used in spite of my grand plans.  I raised my only child here along with a lot of her friends.  I have cherished and buried many furbabies in the yard.  There has been a ton of robbing Peter to pay Paul just to afford living here.  We've had parties, prom dinners and bonfires.  Lots of meeting of the minds at the (not) round table.  There have been numerous neighbors down the lane including my brother and his wife, some crazy guy and his bunch and the wonderful ones who live there now.  Even though it was Council Rd for most of the time I've been here, that changed and has caused a lot of umm...confusion since the new road name won't track on GPS.  I went to DES today to get proof of residence and both road names were on the account.  Plus the name Stafford which isn't my legal name because I never changed it back in the courts.  Lerd, what a mess.  

My surprise in the mail today was an EOB stating that I am responsible for 2800 bucks worth of home health care post surgery.  If you have been a reader here for long, you know the saga that is my Marketplace woe.  It's out of my hands.  Stand in line behind all the others I say.  I am retired and I have no assets.

I spent five long years doing what I thought was the right thing by doing Chapter 13 instead of 11.  I still believe that I did, but that doesn't help me out credit wise.  A BK is a BK and credit monitors tell you so.  I am going to a dealership tomorrow to negotiate with them on a more reliable vehicle.  I spent a minute getting all the required documents together and I think I'm good to go.  If it's not the one I got pictures of, maybe they can work with me on something else.  It always helps to have your brother along, which he will be.  

Anywho, I'm still looking for a home for the fabulous Ellie and that makes me sad too.  She's my baby and even though she eats everything in sight, I love her dearly.  I'm steady working to find her a perfect place, preferably where I can drive by and see her. 

I'm hoping it's clear the night of the Christmas star.  That will be way cool.  I'll be seeing those girls soon and can't wait.  Oh...and btw.  The army is back.  Keep the faith ^j^ 

 

joke's on me

Okay...so today was hair.day at Headlines.  I'm sitting there with my client and I get a text from my friend Yaya saying "I see you."  I knew she had a hair appointment but was sure she would be gone by then.  Hah!  The whole time we were sitting there waiting she was in the chair in front of us getting the deed done.  Nobody knows who anybody is with a mask on and hairdos getting done. It was a hilarious moment.  I also saw my cousin's hub in another chair but only knew to look for him because I saw his car in the parking lot.  2020 is a challenge, huh?

I have a lot of balls in the air right now.  Looking at a gradual move to the cabin and getting a new ride all at the same time.  Plus, Christmas!  I'm enjoying my Snoopy tree and the season in general.  I can't remember last year's holiday but I know I was already a sick puppy when it rolled around.  Less than a month later I was in emergency surgery for a small bowel obstruction that resulted in a very long rehab post colostomy.  It was just a few days before 2020 when I almost wrecked the trusty Camry driving myself to the ER at 2AM.  Only to be told I had IBS by an ER doctor who didn't really want to be bothered with all of it.  No CT.  Nada.  All from diverticulitis that had been brewing for 8 months.  

There are a lot of things I don't remember but I do distinctly recall being ready to meet my maker as I veered toward that ditchbank on the loose gravel.  "  Well this is the way I'm gonna' go" I said as I wrestled the car back onto the lane.  I totally gave it to God and he pulled me through not once but twice.  Everybody thought I was going to die.  But thanks to a loyal surgeon on call and the great staff at Baptist East I survived and lived to tell the story.  

If you look back on your life, most of you will remember similar miracles.  If it's not your time, there will be intervention from beyond.  Yet somehow, there were bigger plans for you and me.  That is why I have such humility and gratitude.  Being blessed comes in fits and starts and usually when you least expect it.  

Merry Christmas eve eve eve eve eve eve eve eve ^j^

the beginning of the end

Christmas Sunday is a trigger point for me.  I won't go on and on but the story is short.  Mama's nurse at the rehab took her to church that day and Lauren was on the way to meet her.  Somewhere between the Sellers class and the sanctuary, her hip broke from osteoporosis and we ended up in the ER.  She never went back to Maple Ridge.  Her last days were spent in and out of surgery and rehab.  I will never forget that Christmas.  Me and Lauren and Bubba brought the food and shared it with her but I could see the light going out in her eyes.  It was nobody's fault, just life happening.  She died on a snowy night in January from something totally unrelated.  My youngest brother was with her.  Me and Mo came when he called and did our mourning together before she went off to Curry's.  I gently removed the chain that held hers and daddy's wedding bands and Millette put it around my neck.  

These are my memories.  I'm not looking for sympathy because everybody goes through it.  I do, however, have this space to share my feelings and that is a gift.  I have a book picked out that Mama gave me many Christmas's ago to read with a friend tomorrow.  As a storyteller, that should work out well for the both of us.  

I visited the GI doc today to schedule my upcoming colostomy that is required before I can get my gut reconnected.  That will happen on the 28th through the ostomy.  I always wondered how that would work.  

Peace and love to you and yours ^j^

inner peace

If you're like me, you take it for granted when it comes.  It can be pure bliss one moment and the minute after, you start chasing it.  I've done it a million times.  When life smacks me in the face and says slow down bitch, I will smooth do it.  

Today's gift was getting to enjoy Garth Brooks and Kelly Clarkson sing together...a lot of different stuff.  I've always been fans of the both of 'em.  I heard today was electoral college day so I'm ready to see how this whole shitshow turns out.  Let's move on.

In other news, the vaccine is being distributed slowly but surely which should make Trump proud after 11 months of pandemic.  He's taking the credit for it anyways.  WARP speed my ass.  Dr Fauci is now a sex symbol which I think is pretty cute. The SNL cold open where the bras go flying made me laugh big time.  

If you haven't gotten your online shopping done, expect delays.  FedEx is busy shipping said vaccine.  I've never been an early shopper but you live and learn.  Christmas is about the season, not the day.  We are celebrating a miracle that involves angels and wise men and unsuspecting parents who just went to pay their taxes.  No room at the inn.

So there baby Jesus came all swaddled in a manger on a cold Bethlehem night surrounded by animals.  Reaves has totally enjoyed playing "nativity" this year.  After seeing Santa yesterday she decided to wear her seriously cute Christmas outfit to school today so "Santa can see her."  Gawd.  They grab you by the heart and don't let go.  

Namaste ~

blessed be the squad

If you are a Handmaid's Tale fan like me you are (not so) patiently waiting for the next season.  June gives me determination when all else fails.  Reaves got to see and talk with Santa on Zoom today and it was an amazing experience for all of us!  Lauren recorded while the baby sat in my lap and talked with him.  It was all interactive so we could say hey and thank you.  As much as I despise social media sometimes, where there's a will there's a way.  

Dat baby was soooo tired when she got here and I figure she's smooth out on the way home to Jackson in a chilly December rain.  She was actually ready to go home.  They were loaded down and loaded up in a stealth kind of way but her favorite blankie didn't get washed because she threw a fit.  She was covered in it when they left.  

I watched church online today because I just didn't have it in me to get dressed and go.  After a few errands, the girls arrived and we did our thing which is usually a hundred tasks at once.  We work well as a team.  

All my Christmas purchases have been made and some are wrapped.  Shhh.  Don't tell anybody where they are or there could be some snooping going on.  Thank goodness they didn't choose the closet for hide and go seek.

Seek joy y'all.  Times are hard for everybody.  I was at the 'gentral today and, as usual, the propel was on the top shelf where I couldn't reach it.  I asked the girl at the register if she could help but she was by herself and covered up.  That's when I asked the nice young deer hunter behind me to retrieve it for me because he was tall.  Bless his heart, he left his basket by the register and did it for me.  He was behind me in line but I let him go first.  People are good in so many ways. It just doesn't get told. Thanks deer hunter.  You are the bomb.  

Peace on earth kids ^j^

 

sometimes i think "well"

And sometimes, I just don't know.  I am an up front honest "let's get it all out on the table" kind of girl.  I don't pretend to read minds though I have a pretty keen sense of where my boundaries are.  If I need to make an amend, I do it quickly because I don't want that shit sucking the life out of me.  Meet in the middle and move on.  I avoid confrontation at times, but only when the drama gets to be too much.  That being said, I find that a lot of folks are not at all like me.  I am a recovering co-dependent and have dealt with that most of my life.  A nurturing type with a strong survival instinct.  I have come to realize that relationships can be tricky and if there is not unconditional love and trust, I can't handle it.  

Moving on from amateur psychology 101, there are other things on the plate in front of me.  First on the list is finding an affordable and trusty vehicle.  Being six months out of a Chapter 13, that makes things hard.  I do have one advocate at a dealership that specializes in that and I plan to meet with her on Friday.  Baby steps.  

The spirit is moving folks.  Listen to your heart and soul and follow the joy that is living life to the fullest and helping others.  Take time to laugh and enjoy odd things.  I've gotten hooked on Brenda Gantt's cooking show.  I love her style and she reminds me of how my mama cooked....little bit of this and a little more of that.  You look for the texture to be right.  She and Trae Crowder and The Twins have been the highlights of my year.  

There is a new ME calendar just itching to get onto 2021.  It will come soon enough since the days just fly by.  I'll hang it on New Year's Day and it will bring me joy all year long.  It's the simple things that make me happy.

Peace and love ^j^

not today devil

I have not been inside Kroger in probably two months, using pickup instead.  I was introduced today to a new healthy snack and REALLY wanted to stop and get some on the way home.  I took one look at the parking lot and kept on going.   The mango chile lime black bean thingies will have to wait.  The brand of these treats is called Harvest Snaps and they are plant based with lots of potassium.  Very original flavors also.  I'm a muncher by nature so they work well with my lifestyle.  

It's the weekend, and until lately that was like any other day to me before I started working part time again.  Now the days of the week are beginning to make some sense again.  It is not even winter yet and I'm already plotting things to plant.  A brand new canvas, so to speak.  

My friend just dropped by some more clothes for me to go through and see what can be used.  The rest will go to the Salvation Army like last time.  Plus a whole lot of what's hanging in my own closet.  I wear nothing but comfy pants and shirts plus my latest Brooks shoes.  I faithfully get a new pair every year and have never been disappointed.  Their customer service is absolutely superb and the shoes are the most comfy I've ever worn.  I just wish I had known about the brand years ago when my feet were on concrete all day.  

Y'all be merry and bright.  Reaves doesn't know it but she has a zoom date with Santa Claus this weekend.  That should be a blast!  It will be personalized where he knows her name and stuff about her.  Cool idea!  My friend's hub used to be a mall Santa which is not possible this year so, voila.  Social media comes to the rescue! Much more personal, I think, that sitting on some stranger's lap for pictures.  In a mall, no less.

Y'all all be ye faithful!

why my name is not grace

I confess that I am NOT graceful at all.  I can trip over my own feet or hit a doorframe in a heartbeat. I was going into a place today and actually tripped over the door frame spilling a cup of ice water all over the freaking place.  Luckily I landed on my knees but I think that fall followed me through the day with alternating dizzy spells.  Babygirl is just like me, bless her heart.  I hope Reaves doesn't inherit that but I do believe she has.  And her falls are always followed by pitiful crying and a request for a bandaid.  We are teaching her to suck it up and be a big girl unless you draw blood!

I am tired to the bone and I know it's all about doing more than I'm used to and the world as we know it. We got the rare treat of sitting in the sun on a balmy December afternoon turtle and bird watching.  I am so sick of this election fraud crap I could hit something.  It's over.  Move on.  We are in the middle of a global crisis economically and pandemically.  I say we all just meet the next person in the middle and agree to disagree.  

That's about it from me for today.  I'm excited about this Christmas Star thing coming up.  I hope it's a clear night ^j^

joy to the world

I slept for 12 hours two nights in a row and felt like a new woman today.  Plus I look like one too after a cut by Nina the fabulous at Headlines.  It was busy up in there today and I got to see several old friends from work.  That's always a plus.

So, if you will remember I got a double order from Walmart yesterday.  It can't be returned to the store so I got my friend to print out the return shipping label and took it to the UPS store which normally does USPS as well. That sucker was heavy and I about killed myself getting it into and out of the car.  A very kind young man there explained to me that it was too big and that I would have to take it to the post office.  And he even carried it back to my car!  Never fear...my seriously cute mailman said he would take care of it.  

It's a beautiful day in the 'hood and I am thankful for some warmth.  I am also grateful to be busy these days because the winter is coming on and I don't do cold well.  Actually I'm just thankful to be alive all things considered.  Covid is running rampant and there seems to no end in sight.  With California looking at another lockdown, the state of Tennessee doesn't even have a mask mandate.  SMH.  

Y'all be merry and bright and joyful.  Life is short ^j^

double trouble

The lady at the bank and I have been working on a mysterious double charge from Walmart.  I found the answer when I came today to find not one but TWO of what I ordered.  You gotta' stay on top with that online banking.  I check it two or three times a day.  Anywho, anybody who wants the extra item which might or might not be a convection toaster oven, gimme' a holla and it's yours for 85 bucks.  Otherwise Wallyworld will have to take it back because it has been disputed by the bank.  This girl don't play.

I was going to work this morning when I noticed the beekeepers all suited up doing their thing.  I had not had the chance to meet them so that was a big treat.  There was a dog in the truck that jumped out and she and Ellie got into an alpha female thing but it was quickly broken up.  I slapped her ass in the car while I got my pictures.  I have some honey coming my way!

I see myself somewhat as a photojournalist in an odd sort of way.  I always have my phone and am eager to capture a random moment with a story.  Sometimes I don't know that story at all, but the subjects just jump out at me and remind me that I am, indeed, a writer.  And a dang good photographer.  With those mad skills I should be set for life.  

Plus I'm pretty laid back and listen well.  Sometimes that is a curse.  Boundaries, people.  I didn't minor in psychology for nothing!  Keep the faith and pass it on ^j^  

waste removal

I woke up in the middle of the night throwing up and having massive action in my bag.  Had to change it twice....half awake.  I let my client know that I had cooties and finally went back to sleep. It's actually a good thing I was here because the septic tank folks came out to clean the tank.  It was nothing but paper, and I don't use Charmin.  Bubba told me to put a couple of packs of powdered yeast in the toilet once a month to help with the breakdown.  Much cheaper than RidX.  So now you know.  

I'm still kind of queasy but made a run to pickup my Kroger order.  It's always a surprise to see what I actually come home with.  They substitute and run out of things but it beats going in the store.  I'm becoming quite agoraphobic about going into places with a lot of people.  

This house is a total wreck but I don't have it in me to do much today but rest and chill.  I got all misty eyed seeing Lauren's pictures of Reaves just now, one of which was by Gaga's snoopy tree.  GAWD....i love those girls so much.

I grew up in an era where you could leave your doors unlocked at night or when you were gone.  So far I haven't been robbed but I know a lot of people who have.  Thank the lort for security cameras.  If you don't have one, somebody nearby does.  

o come o come

The second Sunday in Advent had me back at church singing carols and admiring the gifts.  I sat with my family again and the fourth cousins have come to expect that I will be sitting with them.  They are a real joy.  We talked about Santa Claus this morning and they both told me what they wanted.  It was 2 for 2 on a puppy and Livvie wants a pig named Lollipop. Plus some mud for him to roll in.  UCMTSU.

The girls came for a short visit and it was chaos as usual but in a good way.  We ate and visited and sang happy birthday to baby Jesus with two advent candles lit.  She is fascinated with moving all the pieces of the nativity around.  My church had little boxes fixed for all the families that attended today and there were Advent things including a little Plum Pudding cake.  Back in the day, our tradition was for the men to come out with flaming cakes while we sang the figgy pudding song.  

Y'all have a great week and try to remember who you are and from whence you came.  Dream big with hope and peace and faith ^j^

the long and winding road

That was one of my favorite Beatles songs and it pretty much describes life.  We never know what the next hour or day will bring and are in a constant state of grief for the loss of something.  I went into a deep funk after I retired because that was how I identified myself....as a healthcare professional.  Never mind that all the other parts of me like having friendships was suffering.  I was an overachiever who believed that hard work and doing the right thing for patients was what they deserved.  And because I was a section supervisor I was kinda' sorta' on call 24/7.  I don't miss that at all and I feel very bad for all those who are doing those jobs during this day and time.  First responders.  EMS.  Nurses, doctors and all the assorted allied health folks.  Housekeeping.  Maintenance. IT.  We are all in a state of crisis because of the virus and what goes with it.  What concerns me the most is the state of our healthcare infrastructure.  I've never seen anything like it in my lifetime.

Meanwhile, we have all the Karens of the world driving their big fat honking SUVs and bitching about things that don't matter worth a hill of beans.  I actually feel sorry for them.  No envy.  Just pity.  I believe in the power of telling your story to help others heal and in listening to theirs.  I reckon I'm kind of a street therapist that does it out of love for those I care about who have my back.  I had a random offer from a friend yesterday after she read about my plumbing woes.  It was good to catch up with her and just be.  I just like hearing people's stories.  

After that I had to hit up the 'gentral and was never so glad to be home and unpacked.  The USPS delivered some gloves today that were a JCP cheap deal.  I have learned to have good gloves in the winter.  And a heavy coat.  It's a hassle but it beats freezing to death whilst clearing snow off the car.  No carport, ya know.

Y'all be merry and bright.  I just watched the twins put up their first Christmas tree and it was worth sitting through five ads.  Peace on earth ^j^

backflow

Alrighty then.  I've been having plumbing issues so a couple of guys came out today to check things out and found that the problem is not inside the house but with the septic tank and or field lines.  And it will be next week until those folks can get to it.  Looks like I'll be going to the laundromat this weekend.  Everything drains except when I run the washer and then it all gurgles and backs up and the toilet overflows.  I still have to clean out the tub where it backed up in there.  If it ain't one thing it's five!  This is when it's nice to be a tenant with a responsible landlord.

Today was cold and cloudy but the sun finally broke through and it was a sight to behold after a few days without.  I'm missing the turtle family on that log since it got cold.  Maybe when it gets back in the 50s they will come out to sun.  

I finally finished The Crown and now I'm loving Virgin River.  I'm a sucker for things like that with medical folks in rural areas.  And there's always a bar where everybody hangs out.  Bonus points for the kind hearted bar owner who is quite easy on the eyes.  

My spiritual side is in full gear these days and I am in continual pursuit of serenity by setting boundaries and doing self care.  When you get as old as me, you know your limits and do not suffer fools.  

Happy Friday kids.  Enjoy the weekend wherever you may be ^j^ 

old habits

Ever since I learned how to make the triple fudge chocolate bundt cake, it has been a tradition for me to gift special people in my life with that delicacy.  I have learned over the years to sift the powdered sugar for the icing and not let the cake cool within Ellie's reach.  Plus there's always fresh holly on top.  I just happen to have a plentiful source of that so I picked up the stuff to make three today at Kroger.  In spot #3 which is where I always end up.  It's easier to get to.  They have changed their pickup bags from the old timey paper ones to easier to carry plastic ones.  Now I'm all about saving the planet and I will recycle like a mofo but that's a plus for me.  Handles and everything!

My plumbing has exploded for some unknown reason so I can't run the washer or the bathroom will flood.  Fortunately I was pretty caught up and can weather that little hiccup.  A lot of people don't have the luxury of washing at home.  Or having heat and food, much less internet and streaming channels.  I am acutely aware of this because I see poverty in action every day around here.  And you know what?  Folks really do want to help.  My church is one of the few that still does emergency financial assistance through a discretionary fund.  We also have a food pantry that is organized and well stocked.  These two programs are financed differently but the end result is the same.  People who seriously need help are served by a compassionate bunch of folks who volunteer their time to make the system work.  There is interactive software linked with other agencies and it requires a lot of teamwork to make that happen.  It's a far cry from the days when our church secretary Mrs. Evelyn Puckett ran the show!

Be nice and do random acts of kindness with no expectations.  You never know who needs a lift for the moment ^j^

who's that lady?

You know that video where the woman is trying to get out of her car and gather up all the shit so she doesn't have to come back?  That was me this evening, only in the dark.  I had a very busy day and was about to wrap it all up when the clip slipped off my bag and I had poop running down my leg down at the cabin.  OMG.  They don't call me Poopie for nothing, ya know?  

I'm winding down now with a beer and sleeping dawgs.  The rest can wait as far as I'm concerned.  There is more Netflix to be watched.  Something is wrong with the sound on my laptop so I can't jam like I usually do when writing.  Maybe that's a good thing?  Just me, my thoughts and a keyboard.  I think there's something going on though.  I've been having to close a kazillion windows of Comodo or something like that every time I leave and come back.  I'm due a new one but there are other more pressing things like a car.  And yes, I broke down and ordered a microwave.  Can't afford a convection toaster oven right now.  

I got my beard and moustache and eyebrows waxed today and I feel like a new woman with sticky skin.  The folks at Headlines are such a great crew and I always enjoy my time there.  It's kind of like an escape from reality.  Now that I know that there will be no surgery any time soon I am focused on sorting out the mess that is my home.  There may be a big bonfire soon.  

Happy cyber Tuesday to you and yours.  Keep the faith ^j^

abundance

The blessings just keep on comin' y'all.  My friend messaged this morning with an offer of a big ass TV to go over that fireplace.  There is no cable there (yet) but I think Forked Deer Electric will soon make that available.  Internet access is already there.  Though they did just raise their rates, Hulu Live is an option.  So many details to consider.  

As of yesterday all elective surgeries requiring an overnight stay at Baptist East are a no go meaning the reversal will wait on COVID.  I can't say that I was particularly looking forward to being in a big hospital for a week during the pandemic so there you go.  God solved that one for me.  As long as I have my trusty convex bags I can make do.  Oh, and lots of antiseptic wipes.  

I can't believe that in a few months I'll be transplanting flowers from here to there.  I actually dug up Daddy's dark red peony which has enjoyed three seasons here on the hill.  That one will definitely go back to where it came from.  There are still things left there that Daddy planted....plenty of buttercups and odd little things.  I think what excites me most of all is getting a chance to create a new garden at a forever home.  

I picked some holly branches out at paradise today to decorate with.  It's a huge tree with a lot of low hanging fruit, so to speak.  The lake was ripply from the slight wind and twinkling in the sun but it was too cold for the turtles to show up.  Never a dull moment.  

Y'all be merry and bright.  And nice.  And not mean, ever.  Love ya' like chicken