Tuesday, February 23, 2016

the road to there

Modern media has used the phrases "road to" and "war on" so often that they don't really mean much anymore other than everything is a process.  Recovery is like that which is something a lot of folks have trouble wrapping their mind around.  I mean it's like you're never really "there" because once you declare yourself recovered and don't follow up you are sure to fall on your ass.  One of my favorite stories is about walking into that hole you know is there a thousand times expecting a different result rather than just walking AROUND it.  Nobody can do it alone....nobody.  Yet, ultimately, it's an extremely personal decision to make that choice and only counts if done for self rather than others.

Addiction to anything is a huge cause of shame and guilt and often others use those very things against us to try to "change" our  behavior.  It simply doesn't work.  It's a waiting game of sorts where you sit back and watch from a supportive position until the next move.  Banging your head against the wall doesn't help either.  Letting go does.  It empowers the soul and allows room for positive energy and love from happy places.  I know it sounds simplistic, but really it is.  It's just so damn hard to do until the pain gets unbearable.

The painters came by yesterday for a walk through and caulk + spackle begins this morning.  I'm steady moving shit around trying to get the walls clear so that can commence.  It's been quiet since window/door guys got through but there's more racket in the future!  It's the price of progress, no?  On my day off, no less, I woke up at 5:30 which is about  the time I usually leave for work and watched Mama's Virgo moon through sunrise.  It followed me to the chicken store and back, lighting the way for the (not so) trusty Camry.

I'm not real sure what's next, but I have faith that it will be in the plan.  All I have to do is show up with faith ^j^

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