Friday, February 19, 2016

peeling back the layers

I find myself, at the oddest times, with a memory of  the log cabin or my life on the farm and getting all wistful.  Today as I was working the vision of  the red brick fireplace framed with baby's breath and forsythia crossed my mind.  It was beautiful....a vivid picture of spring at the homestead.   Another memory is of Tennessee summer heat spent walking dusty roads to explore.  It was a bit too gravelly for bikes and I didn't like bleeding.  There was always some sort of dog or crow or other critters.  We had chickens in a scary old shed until I got flogged and there they went into somebody's Sunday dinner.  The only cats we ever had lived under the porch and did mice duty.  

The moon is "waxing gibbous" which means it's about to give us a show and I'm ready.  Dark nights are lonely sometimes.  I'm loving having open windows even if just cracked so I can hear the peepers.  Oddly enough, that makes me sad too.  Spring has always been a celebration of sorts for my family because of Daddy's love of flowers and Easter.  I noticed when I drove by Mr. Fisher's house today the flag was at half mast.  What a fitting tribute.  Ms. Charlene used to spend hours on her knees in that big corner bed with the sun.  That was LONG after she retired as a teacher.   He became one too, late in life, and was an icon to decades of of school kids.  They had a pool and he taught swimming lessons out back for extra money.  He taught BG and then hired her later as a teacher herself!

So I cried and I'm better for it.  At least now I know why I'm weeping instead of just going " i don't knowwwww".  I have found that naming and claiming losses in life  is a valuable tool for not going apeshit crazy all at once.  Always allow at least a year for major decision making following the death of a close family member.  You will be cray-cray and want to sell your Apple stock and move to the beach.  Keep things simple and familiar for awhile.  Too much trauma = PTSD.  And with that I'll leave you with nothing but faith in the goodness of mankind.  And umm, the animals too.  



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