nowhere to go but up

I've begun to realize that just when I start to get the least bit cocky and all about myself, Big Ernie throws me a curve to remind me just what it means to be at the bottom of the doodoo pile. The entire past week is like this movie that never ended but had a few pauses where I (tried to) slept through a few things because of combustion of internal Poopie parts, mainly my brain which controls like, only everything, emotions included. A couple of days of grief work gave me the courage to make a move that wasn't really easy today involving a request for help. The grands were napping when I walked in with daddy's allergy medicine which he's been out of for three weeks. Gotta stay on schedule, ya know. Tony had breakfast duty today since I was working. There are so many angels out there that help out of love and respect for their elders. The church delivers lunch every Monday too. That's Ms Faye's day off from cooking lunch to address other issues like laundry and whatnot.

One of my co-workers busted out today and shared a compliment that she received on me from somebody else who works with us and I was floored, to say the least. She knows that my self esteem is about 1/32 of an inch tall right now and sensed that it would help. I love it when that happens :) We have kids the same age and know everybody and their mama'n'them around the 'burg. The ones we're not kin to by blood or marriage, they're friends with somebody we know. It's a blessing and a curse to live in a small town like that. My experience has been that random acts of kindness come from the oddest and least expected places. That's faith.

There's this really strange serenity that comes from the wall when you hit it. Then it's back to step one and the whole higher power deal which is a tool that saved millions of lives over the years. What originally started as an AA tool has been used in many other support groups and the old heads from AA don't really like that because they can't relate to NA and all the other A's. Whatever, I say. The dual approach to recovery includes the twelve steps and intense therapy to work with the root causes of the addiction. There is actually a group called co-dependents anonymous which I attended several times when we had an A&D unit. The really sad thing about it was that the "person in charge" was so about herself that the rest of us got lost in the process. I spent LOTS and tons of hours reading Melody Beattie and John Bradshaw books and I sort of designed my own way of coping that includes trying not to freak out when one of my inner children comes out to stir up some shit.

Other than that life is just peachy and all the critters said hey y'all. It's really hard for me to focus on the correct spelling of that particular word mean all of you because I've always put the apostrophe in the wrong spot. Hey...so sue me.