I've been a lifelong Methodist since the age of 2 being raised up in the First church at the corner of Main and McGaughey in downtown Dyersburg proper. I went to school in that sector for ten years and then moved out onto the 51 by-pass glass and maze thingie. We had color coded maps to find our way around. In short, it was an introduction to higher education for those who could afford it. Neither of my brothers chose to get any sort of education post high school other than specific vocational type things which have served them well. I I could have a do-over, I'd forget the whole I want a degree thing and learn to build canoes like my friend Ruskey. His life has been a whole lot less stressful than mine, if you know what I mean. Vocational education has gone by the wayside and that's a damn shame because somebody's gotta be able to build the boat when Big Ernie sends another flood.
Much of my stress is self induced in the form of not being able to set boundaries when my internal signals say STOP or you will implode! A lot of that is being a woman and I do honestly believe that we make things way harder than they have to be. There is no white picket fence or romance. If you find yourself lucky enough to spend time with someone who loves you for you, helps to raise your children and contributes to the finances, you've done well. The rest is just details. The idea that there is only one life partner for everybody around is ridiculous and has provided a healthy living for many a divorce lawyer and his two families. Smartass and realism...a very healthy blend.
So I had two hours on the phone today with different folks from whom I needed advice and they came through for me big time. The one guy knows my entire history and reminds me of Just Call Saul in some strange way now that I've seen the entire sad story that is you know what. What intrigues me is the purity factor...how addictive something in that pure a form is when you've got shake'n'bakers with no teeth smoking the poison off dollar store tinfoil and peeing in the street. I do believe that Heisenberg's formula is what circulated in the sixties and seventies when the purity was there before greed became a big factor in recreational drugs. And then there's prohibition of "gateway" drugs like pot which are so much healthier when homegrown instead of carried in the damn gas tank of a smuggler's vehicle. Dammit people! Our coasts are falling off into the ocean due to global warming and tsunamis and what the hell are we doing? Watching CNN looking for the latest political fuckup. Give.Me.Strength.
So, my therapist said "here's the thing." He listened to my issues which were much clearer than in a LOOOOONG time. After that I talked with an old friend whom we came to know as the first youth pastor at said home church on the corner. When BG was about two years old my daddy told me she needed to go and I agreed. Her father was never a part of it much because he was raised up in the way of the rod and wrath of the Old testament You know like "you gotta be perfect" before you show up in God's house. Now I don't know about ya'll, but that's not what the whole thing is about to me. Do I believe that Jesus is the son of God? Mostly definitely...and so am I. Well, except for I'm a girl. But you know what else, sometimes I think that being a Christian isn't the only answer. Being a believer in a higher power can be. Peace and love to all of my friends. I'm headed to the shower in the very near future and that's a good thing as Martha would say.
Breaking! My 87 year old Aunt Virginia is visiting her sick daughter on Lummi island off the coast of Washington accompanied by her grandaughter-in-law. There's a ferry and the whole deal. Her sister Kaffy, the bossy one, told her not to wear high heels!
Thanks KWC for hearing me and responding in kind ^j^