the power of delete

As a writer I'm always keenly aware of personal privacy and compose accordingly.  That's why sometimes an author is bound to edit when a request is made.  So freakin' easy with Blogger!  

Today's adorable grandbaby pic is of Reaves dressed in a pumpkin suit that Aunt Erica got her.  Her candy will be Isomil with dark karo syrup and prune juice to relieve constipation.  It's a process y'all.  Lauren got a clean bill of health at the clinic today and I had an MRI which was loud as hell even WITH the earplugs and headphones.  Results are forthcoming and I don't look for them to be good according to the pain I'm in.  

I received an invitation in the mail today to a service awards banquet at work for my 40 year mark.  I remember some time ago seeing people like Laura and Hazel hit that mark but never dreamed I'd get there.  Go figure.  There are three of us in the lab and we're all old timers.  

It is what it is ~

a friend's a friend forever

Friendship has been a real blessing to me over the years and a lot of it has been online.....virtual friends made over time and blended with the ones I've actually seen.  I can say for a fact that Facebook is the absolute greatest prayer chain starter you ever could imagine and I'm sure that never crossed Zuck's mind.  Social media is here to stay and actually makes life much easier.  Take this past month for instance.  Lauren and I didn't know if we were coming or going most of the time and FB was a way to stay in touch with folks on the big one crisis after another deal.  

Tomorrow is Dr. West's last day at the clinic and Lauren will be bidding him farewell as he gives her a checkup on all that happened.  We only saw him one time in the hospital at the beginning of the induction.  Well, except for that night he came up because he was worried about her fever spiking ( and he wasn't even on call.)  "Ms Parker" he said.  I need for you to calm down.  On that particular night I was oblivious to her pain and rising temp because I was in charge of Reaves at the apartment.  Lerd.  

The skunk smell has faded but the coyotes are still howling.  Most of the crop is in and the landscape is that mid tone brown with patterns in it left by farm equipment in a zig zag fashion.  Getting ready for the next season which is winter.  Maybe I'll get to enjoy a snow from that picture window that's been covered for two years.  The living room is somewhat navigable now that the toys are gone and the dining room is clean again.

No political rant today.  However I will mention how deeply disturbed I am about Trump people funneling money from the Ukraine for their own personal use.  Get 'em Mueller....every damn one of them.

I have an MRI on my aching shoulder in the morning and a doc's appointment next week.  I did the required PT and gobble down NSAIDS and use the therapy ball.  And still, it hurts.  Time to move forward.

Good night, John Boy ^j^

whirlwind

It's been a busy 24 hours for the Reaves girls.  Lauren and the baby arrived yesterday afternoon for a meet and greet at Nanny's house with AJ and Reaves being passed all around.  By the time we drove up the lane others were on the way.  Lauren was busy "making a nest" in my room which is a chore what with all the skunk activity.  That rock'n'play is the best thing ever invented.  Lily claimed it as a cat bed while we weren't looking.  

I was gonna' sleep in the recliner but it broke and my shoulder hurt so I crawled up in bed with Lauren.  When Reaves was hungry I did the bottle thing and put her in bed with us.  It was a heavenly three hours.  Arise, eat again and rock in great grandma's chair.  Jordan lived here with his Mom when he was just a little baby.  They came to see us this morning as we were headed to Jackson.  He's a 4 year old wild child mean mugging baby man with a soft side.  He wanted to "hold" the baby which we managed nicely.  Lots of kisses.

 I got some incredible news today regarding my future.  It was delivered along with a birthday card from Connie Ray in Utah and a picture of my parents to be framed for the museum.  I guess that puts it all into perspective.

Hugs ~

homeward bound

Overstimulation for a baby is like a big deal.  Reaves is used to being in the dark cocoon of her mama's house and all of a sudden she went for a road trip and got held by a bunch of strangers.  She and AJ rode in the back with Heather and Lauren to the 'burg.  I found them being passed around at Nanny's house.

Marilyn and Freddie dropped by a to die for couple of outfits while I was at Kroger hunting and gathering.  You can't find a damn thing up in there plus there's no parking.  Bubba was at lunch so I missed seeing him.  Abbey and Lorna and Mamye all came by.  Miss Reaves is wore ass out and fighting sleep.

That's all I've got.  Shhh.  Don't wake up the baby ^j^

skunk 2 sam 0

As usual the dogs went nuts before daylight this morning.  I finally managed to get the bed smelling okay and slept like a log last night.  The minute my feet hit the floor at 5 they head for the outside where the other critters live.  Like skunks and coyotes.  I smelled one and heard the other.  Sam got sprayed again and I left him outside when I went to the sawmill.  By the time I got home there was a cold rain falling and I sprayed him with "the bottle". Right now he's rinsing in the cold ass rain.

At last, I have a plan and I intend to manifest that bitch.  I don't forsee me living to 99 like Miss Mary if I don't make some changes.  I wasn't sure she would remember me because well...you know.  We talked for a bit and she threw out something that assured me she knew who I was.  What a blessing.

^j^

word play

I've noticed a trend in my foreign commenting which is something along the lines of #terrorist as a key word inviting comments.  I've never bothered to translate but that would be interesting I guess!  Never a dull moment.  

I'm still trying to get rid of the skunk smell before the girls get here but I think he's camped out under the front porch under MY room.  Any suggestions on how to keep 'em away?  I remember when Hoss was here Butterbean got sprayed by one while we were stuck in the mud in the *trustyoldcamry where I left him to die, or so he said.  He rode in the cab of the wrecker while I hung onto the side and BB chased us.  Hoss wanted to let him in the truck!  I miss that old fart but he's here in spirit.  

And so it goes ~ Old Horsetail Snake

tapestry

Once upon a time I started writing a book.  The preface was about how our stories come together like colored shards of glass in a window or other creation.  That's kind of the way I see mine anyway.  The stories I've heard ten or twenty times are some of the best.  When I began that little project it was freshly post 9/11 and I found myself with Anita of golden tooth fame watching the towers fall in the doctor's lounge.  We made promises then never to forget.  Many of us have.

I think in some way that horrific terrorist attack was a dark warning of the mass killings to come by homegrown radicals.  I read a piece about the Sandy Hook guy and his state of mind before he  slaughtered all those kids, teachers AND his mother who bought all the guns.  He was described as dark, secluded and fascinated with death.  

On a happy note it looks as if the Democratic party may have a highly electable possible candidate for the Senate race.  I believe in my heart that both of our Senators have done their best to work with Trump and meet in the middle.  Sadly, that's not something he does well.  Tweet*

Hope y'all don't have any skunks around.  My house still reeks of it!!

^j^

poopie le pew

Currently I'm airing out the house from where Sam and a skunk got into it this morning before I left for work.  I got up, took a shower and promptly was met by the stinkingest ass dog you ever saw.  And of course he rubbed against me or just carried the oil into the atmosphere or something.  Anyways, when I got to work they could smell me.  I could smell MYSELF.  Plan B was to strip down and put on surgery scrubs for the rest of the day.  And still, the scent was in my hair and followed me the rest of the day.  There clothes were tied up in bags in the car with the windows open.  O.M.G.

My shoulder is no better so I returned to my sweetie pie NP today to plot the next step.  Which is, of course, an MRI.  Her on the spot eval suggested that I have arthritis in the neck that is making my entire arm and hand hurt.  I wonder if there's an oscopy for that?  We shall see what the test says.  I went way too long suffering with the first one to not have answers four years later.  We talked about her granny who is my friend and having problems of her own.  Of course she's 99 and just had a birthday.  

I talked to Lauren and Reaves today and both are well.  Miss Linda delivered a contraption to haul the baby around on your body when you get up and on with your life.  That day is coming babygirl....soon.

I stocked up on vinegar and peroxide which, in my experience, works on skunk skank.  The tomato juice thing does not work.  I've been there....done that.  What with all the crashing of for profit healthcare providers there has been talk of mergers and or sales to the not for profits to maximize locality and services.  I like this idea a lot.  If say, West Tennessee Healthcare were to strike a deal for what's left of the West Tennessee 7 they would have Jackson as a hub.  There's a cancer center there too.  It's just a thought, though.  Random brain dump.

Gotta go mix up the spray bottle for Sammy D.  He's seriously going to hate my guts.  

^j^

welfare check

I spent a long time on a post yesterday and wiped it out with one errant finger on the keyboard.  The only thing I remember is that Mamye and I check on each other every day.  The rest got lost with the delete.  I'm sure it was some sort of rambling diatribe.

I tried to avoid driving in the rain which is my second worst challenge vs at night, so I didn't go to Jackson until this morning.  In.The.Rain.  But boy was it worth it!  I got to hug my babygirls and have Rock 'n Dough calzone.  People come and go there in the village.  There's a nice new fence up thanks to Mike's crew.  Keeps the crackheads out.  We passed in the parking lot and he showed me his birthday present:  A blanket with an image of him holding Reaves....and I took it!  She spent the night with his family while Lauren was recovering.  I saw the light back in her eyes today and that's a blessing.  

Autumn is upon us.  On the drive home in the sun I gawked at the colors and cotton.  Native pecans crunch under the tires when I pull onto my gravel.  I noticed a large orchard somewhere between here and there.....Maury City maybe?  Huge old trees like Lorna's.  

Y'all  keep the faith and leave room for the spirit to work ~

harvest time

I came home to the familiar sight of bean dust blowing in the wind.  My friends Tommy and Shirley were doing their ride around and take pictures thing an this is one of their favorite places to ramble.  Tom got me to hold the pecan branch because it was blowing into his shot.  That was after he told me to move my car out of his shot!!  Heh.  

Besides the sawmill ( let's not go there ) my outing for the day was to Curry's for yet another visitation, this time with the family of Mitch McDivitt.  His parents and mine were part of a group that stuck together for years until they started dying off.  Daddy kept telling me during the last five years of his life that Frank Agee prolly wasn't gonna' make it this time.  As I type, he's still kicking....the last of a group of giants.  Well, Dr. Cook is still working so I guess he's got Agee beat.  All of the grandchildren in that family grew up with Lauren because we partied as families and they were together in school.  To the entire McDivitt family, I feel your pain.  Rachel and I discussed our business plan with promises to catch up soon with Chris and CoStarters.  The Mill is almost ready!

Blessed are the poor in spirit ~

playing catchup

I just made ANOTHER appointment with my ortho NP because I've had to cancel three due to well, you know.  The whole past month!  That also happened with the dentist and I barely got the electric paid before cutoff.  Lerd.  I'm way behind on life at Casa Poops.  Gotta call propane guy too.  Done...katching!

I slept so hard it took me an hour to wake up enough to run to the gentral.  Even then I was dozified.  There were bags of garbage laying in the yard that had been ignored the past week so that was next on the list.  I finally have red tomatos in October. Go figure that one.

When I think about what could have happened to my daughter I want to cry.  I have just enough knowledge to be very worried at a time like that.  Timing was of the essence and she realized early on that she was getting septic and headed to the ER.  She won't have a bacteria left in her body!  The tribe is helping out with Reaves so she can rest.  Technically her "recovery" didn't start until two days ago.  

Peace be still ~

breathe in

Praise the lort and pass the gravy, the girls are back at Talbot where they belong.  It was so funny when I was there and all the kids wanted to come in and see "the baby."  They were wide eyed to say the least. Layla holds and feeds her.  All I know is that she's surrounded by people who care about the both of them and that gives me peace.  

I'm off tomorrow and it's supposed to be nice.  Then the rain sets in and there's frost coming next week.  Note to self:  check propane.  The plumbers came today and replaced all my faucets and fixtures plus fixed the commode.  Gotta' hit the general tomorrow for some ajax and whatnot.  Dinner tonight is those yummy expensive Walgreen appetizers again.  One stop shopping...it's what's up.

Blessed ~

decompression

We have been in crisis mode so long that it didn't take much to put me to bed last night.  I woke up tired not ever suspecting the clusterf**k to come.  At some point as we were working away we noticed that orders and results were not going through the interfaces to the host.  Fine then...call IT.  At that time of the morning it consists of somebody at the corporate level who trouble shoots a bit then passes it to the software vendor.  That is where I left it with two reference numbers before we began manually entering results.  Around midday I called good old Mike to come take a look see because a savvy lady at the vendor's call center suggested he check for new security.  As it turns out that was indeed the issue and he fixed it in less than five minutes.  It's one of the few times I remember our rag tag bunch breaking out in cheers and clapping!  And thank you Claudine for that valuable piece of info.  

Lauren will ( hopefully ) go home with Reaves this evening.  They are together at the hospital now and that makes me happy because that poor girl was heartbroken over missing that baby.  Lisa will give birth to Lyra tomorrow morning adding another baby to our grandma club.  It's been a busy one for sure.  Martha is next and then Janie and Nat have theirs in the winter.  

It's quiet here and I love it after the noise of the day.  All I hear is the birds singing and the cat purring.  If I shut my eyes I can imagine that little sucking noise Reaves makes when she's eating or working on the wubanub.  

^j^

4th time's charm

Little Miss Reaves will be 4 weeks old on Thursday.  The battles that her mama has fought this past month are enough to kill a grown man but she's been a real warrior woman.  The CT did, indeed, show a uterine perforation from the D and C so she was scheduled for an exploratory lap this morning.  I was at work and called to check on her pre-op and she was alone and a hot mess which in turn made me a hot mess.  All my work peeps told me to "GO NOW!" which I did and arrived about ten minutes after they took her to OR.  The lovely old hippie soul Kim and I watched hoarders, talked steps and napped during the coming hours.  

So, the perforation explains the infection.  The hole was beginning to scar over and was pushing against intestinal tissue thus the pain.  They poked and prodded, rinsed and patched and will hit her with another 24 hours of antibiotics.  She ain't a happy camper to say the least.  I wouldn't be either.  Today's heroine is Anna the 12 year old looking nurse who watched over us.  Kim and I thanked her a hundred times for being so precious.  Lord knows our little tribe needed some TLC.  

It's all been a blur of trips to Jackson and back with some work in between.  Thankfully I've slept in a bed a few nights in between couches and strengthened some friendships.  I've known the security of leaving the outcome to God by asking for prayer and feeling it.  Lauren happened to be one of the .5% who has had every imaginable complication of pregnancy except for diabetes and there was a scare there but they found her results.  

It's nobody's fault.  The process of induction is long and tedious and wears a woman's body out slowly so that by the time she delivers it's a relief.  C section recovery is normally 48 hours if all goes well.  That's when she got two units of blood and went home on iron only to return with toxemia a few days later.  A 24  hr mag drip on that visit.  Then came the D and C last Thursday and a septic visit to Ob triage on Saturday.  I am so sick of that hospital I could puke.  Yet I'm grateful for the care she's received.  She was just the one who got the big green weenie.

Peace ~

guilt trip

I am back in the 'burg but Lauren is still in the hospital with Lord knows what.  There was a repeat CT today which, if normal, could be followed by an exploratory lap to try and find the source of the infection.  She's getting a double dose of antibiotics every 6 hours but her last white count was still 16,000.  She is almost one month post partum and has been re-admitted twice...one for D and C and now this.  As expected she's tired of the hospital and missing home and Reaves.  Erica is bringing her up for a visit this afternoon.  Hurry up and wait.  That's the name of the game in a hospital.  

She was upset when I left today and I understand that.  It took everything I had to walk out of there and leave her in God's hands via Dr Atkinson and a lovely nurse named Marietta.  It's bad enough to be all post C-section and hormonal but to not have your baby around is torture I imagine.  Those two are joined at the hip.  When I left we put my name and number plus a note saying "call anytime" on the white board.  Those things are quite handy.  I asked if she had seen this scenario before and she replied "once."  It was an abcess.

This too shall pass as my Daddy would say.  To Lauren and Reaves and all their tribe, I give you my undying love for growing our family.  That is what builds faith.  

My morning hospital TV viewing included a piece about a non profit organization that pays addicted mothers 300 bucks to get their tubes tied when there have been multiple pregnancies.  The founder took in at least 5 of an addicted mother's kids as fosters until she figured out that there might be an answer.  The doctors on the show tried to eat her alive for not putting the money toward other types of birth control that require compliance from somebody who's high.  Talking about the woman's "rights" and shit.  Those unborn babies have the right not to be born addicted and trembling.  It happens all.the.time.  

Last time I checked the news Trump was still POTUS and California was on fire.  I guess I better catch up.

^j^

touch and go

Something tugged at me when I left Lauren on Friday afternoon.  I was sick and tired of that hospital just like her and ready to come home, Reaves notwithstanding.  "I'm just glad it's over" she said following the uneventful D and C.  I called on Saturday morning and found that she was in OB triage at the ER because of fever and chills.  Oh boy....here we go again.  I threw together some stuff and headed back that way and by the time I got there she was admitted.  She had a low grade fever of around 100 and was shaking like a leaf.  I watched as they hung three antibiotics and headed to the apartment to care for Reaves overnight.  Sometime in the middle of the night, her temp went WAY up and they called the doctor in who wasn't even on call but is part of her group.  He ordered blood cultures and examined her thoroughly trying to find the source of the right upper quandrant pain.  She got massive doses of pain meds then passed out and woke up in a drenched bed with the fever broken.  I knew none of this until we talked this morning.  It's good that I didn't because I'd have been torn between which girl to stay with!

Reaves and I got along fabulously.  She's a great baby who doesn't fuss much except for a valid reason.  Her new pacifier has a little animal on the end of it to help her hold on which is awesome.  Wub a Nub maybe?  I'm out of the loop.  Anyway, she loves it.  Because she was born only one day before Lauren's birthday it was kind of like a flashback for me to 33 years ago.  She wakes up every 3 to 4 hours to eat and get changed and usually goes right back to sleep in that sweet little electric cradle.  WITH the wubanub.  Lots of kids were curious to see "the baby" and they would tiptoe in and gawk at her.  Mike was in and out.  Soberstock was going on next door and the music was loud and parking scarce.  

Once again, I am sleep deprived after a three week recovery from four days of it.  I admire my daughter for being such a good little mother and all that it entails in spite of all of her own physical ailments.  It's bound to be a test.  And she would tell you that baby girl is worth every bit of it.  

To all of you who have prayed and sent good vibes, thank you.  To my co-workers who are some of those very ones, bless you for understanding my dilemma and allowing me the time to spend with our new family during this rough patch.  Like the doctor told us during day 1 of induction: " This will be a marathon, not a sprint."  Right on Dr. West.

Lauren was still wearing the raggedy Bill Murray tshirt she went in wearing so I went by the gift shop and got her a new cute one.  Play it as you see it....one step at a time.

Gratitude ~

when you know too much

Right now I'm listening to the sound of Reaves' electric cradle and worried sick about her mama.  Infections do not play when there have been multiple surgeries involved.  I noticed ampicillin hanging when I left there which is useless against MRSA many times.  The fact that is is three weeks and a few days after delivery makes it quite worrisome.  The tribe is keeping an eye on her. My job is to be grandma for a night with no supervision.  

I go back to the sawmill on Monday facing a new reality, one which involves 12 hour shifts.  It's been a looooong time since I've done that and I'm not too thrilled about the prospect at the age of 62.  Early retirement is looking better all the time.  For the first 15 years of my career we worked all three shifts, often on call for 24 hours at a time.  I was in my twenties then.  It was a different time but I did the odd shifts even after Lauren was born in 1984.  

I'm at a crossroads and I will prayerfully do what's right for me and my family.  There is no reward for work ethic in today's corporate world.  My brother messaged me that Kroger is selling off their convenience stores to concentrate on the grocery business.  The one in D'burg just spent millions on a remodel with the same space when they could have built a brand new store.  Go figure.

Sorry to be a downer but sometimes you just can't suck it up and smile.  Today is one of those for me.  I ran into a friend at the food court today whose 87 year old mother had a stroke last night and ended up in the same hospital as Lauren.  Y'all pray for her too.

^j^

my father's eyes

Oh boy.  If I ever have to spend a month in and out of Jackson General again at least I'll know my way around.  Lauren's procedure was the last on the doctor's list, the one we like so well.  Therefore, it was way past dark thirty when we finally left the building.  There were scripts to be filled and we missed the Kroger cutoff time so here we go to the 24/7 Walgreens on a mission for food and medicine.  A note to you shoppers: Dinner for two can be bought there easily for fifteen bucks worth of appetizers.  By the time we got to the house Lauren was missing that baby so her daddy brought her home all swaddled in a blanket.  He was tired and so were we.  Long day for everybody.  We stayed up 'til midnight piddling and slept until Lauren got in severe enough gastric pain that I had to make ANOTHER run to Walgreens for gas relief.  Reaves ate and slept and played a bit...gazing in wonder at whatever it is she can see at this point.  

I heard Lauren say from outside in the sun "Mom...Cardinal" but she was on the phone so I wasn't sure if she was talking to me.  When I went to the door she told me there had been one on the bush beside her.  " Grandaddy" I said.  "She looks like you Mom"  I replied that I look like my mother so there you go.  She looks like little Janice Ann Reaves.  And acts like Billy Stafford when she's mad.  Lauren is such a good mother. Her first outing will be to Soberstock tomorrow.  A debut, if you will into that community.  

I headed home after that and had a safe trip.  These days I don't take that for granted anymore.  High five to Madison county on.the repaving.  Your city deserved better.  My tour of the blood bank at the hospital yesterday was fascinating.  They do ten times the volume of transfusion medicine that we do but have a staff dedicated to just that as a major medical center.  Trauma isn't there forte as they are usually an in between point with Air Evac shuttling to and fro.  That's why we have a helicopter parked out back.  Google EMTALA.

The critters were happy to see me roll into the driveway and I'm glad to be in one spot for a minute.  I have cleaning to do before next weekend's Dyersburg visit by the girls.  Like....a lot.  

Teach your children well ~

little miracles

I left work early today to hook up with BG at the outpatient surgery clinic over at JMCRH.  The one doc that she never saw at the clinic happened to be the very one who discharged her and followed up with excellent post partum care for the past three weeks.  The staff on that floor was most excellent.  While I was there I caught up with an old friend in the blood bank and we talked business for a bit while Lauren was waiting to go back.  I seriously have never understood why hospitals tell you to be there four hours ahead of surgery time.  I mean really? Today's heroes were Dr. Atkinson and Edie the nurse from Saltillo TN who also works in Savannah.  Oh...and the receptionist out there herding family in and out from pre-op to recovery.  And of course always, the ever present African greeter up front.  I had lunch at the sawmill so I skipped the food court today. Mamye is taking care of the critters for me and she checked in expecting us to be snug at home right about the time BG rolled into surgery.  

The tribe kicked in full force today to take care of these girls and that brings me so much joy and faith in the goodness of human nature.  Thanks to all of you who have given our little family up to God.  I'll try not to bitch too much about Trump anymore but it probably won't work.

^j^

chill

Finally there is one that is October worthy.  Gimme some 50s and 70s pleaseandthankyou.  Oh and some colorful leaves.  And a newer car.  Hey...I don't ask for much.  The lane was still covered in water with full ditches as I headed out in the dark, my headlights gleaming against the stop sign's reflection in that ever present puddle.  The county dug out the big ditch on the right and all that debris kind of dammed up like a beaver's work mid lane.  I made it to work yesterday and today with time to spare.  Just so you know!

I get to see my girls tomorrow and feel a lot of joy in that.  We're meeting at the hospital for her procedure then headed to home where Reaves is well cared for by Erica et al.  I know the place well by now after spending a week there.  Remind me to tell you the one about the poor guy that got dropped.  I'll leave straight from the sawmill with packed bags and pet sitter plans made.  Thanks Mamye D.

There was a big piece in our local paper today about the overturning of a murder conviction in Lake county.  It's a story with a lot of layers that ended up with two people dead.  I work with their daughter and she smiles in spite of the loss.  That's called faith.

It may sound corny, but I feel an obligation to Reaves to share the ones who came before her.  Surely Lauren will because she still misses them like me.  When my Daddy retired he began work on his family tree and hunted down Joe Lee Stafford for years....his great grandfather?  The whole thing started down there in Blue Mountain Mississippi.  

Group hug y'all ^j^

muddy puddles

It came a monsoon last night and today and I almost had to paddle to work because of the lower lane flooding.  It continued for several hours and when I came home there was STILL standing water and full ditches.  I think part of what makes this such good farm land is the way it's sloped for good drainage.  It's still hot though.  Meh.  

I honestly never thought I'd say this but I have an enormous amount of respect for Senator Bob Corker.  He has responded quickly to every concern I've written about and is brave enough to call the dogs out on you know who.  If that party evn dreams of being anything other than a bunch of neonaziredneck gun toters, they'd better do something about the ringmaster.  Midterms are coming up.  Senator Corker speaks to those who know the madness is out of control and seeks some sort of sanity before we all die in WWIII.  This is not a drill. Or a video game. Or a reality show.

I'm headed back to Jackson for the surgery and post op care.  Maybe a little baby sittin', ya think?  There are other plans as well if the universe intends for it to be.  They way things have been going, I'm really not surprised much though I must saying watching California wine country get incinerated scares the shit out of me.  I dutifully paid my last ticket for no seat belt and was surprised that it didn't go up. The kid in front of me gets points on his license next time.  

More later.  Ciao~

the fat lady sings

The baby will be three weeks old on Thursday when her Mama goes in for a D/C to clean up the remnants of Elizabeth Reaves' birth.  Very unusual for sections I'm told.  She's been a real trooper so far and thank you sweetbabyjeebus for all those who love her enough to see her through it.  That's when it sucks being a hour away as a parent.  Maybe by the weekend she'll be a bit more perky!

I'm looking at options 24/7 now and remembering all the chances I had in the past for jobs that were not "the right fit."  At this point, I'm figuring out how to pay the light bill on SS.  Plus, you know how hard it is to get decent insurance.  My body and soul are tired beyond belief  yet I soldier on trying to find some joy in the day.  I get a daily wakeup call and hug from Sondra.  We all meet in the middle and discuss what our future might be.  Healthcare is a huge stinking mess in this country.  I'll spare you the reasons why because it takes too many key strokes and my shoulder hurts. So let's all say a prayer for Lauren as she returns to the hospital one.more.time.  

Thanks to all you sweet angels ^j^

with a full heart

I'm handicapped on sharing baby pics which is probably a relief to most of y'all because I'd be over the moon with them.  I'm still "not on Facebook" on my phone so when I take pictures I email them to myself and then try to post from there.  That's not working today but whatever.  I can gaze at that face anytime I want to on my badass phone.  

Yesterday was a lot of bonding, grocery shopping and cooking in Jackson.  I took green tomatos with me and fried those up along with some squash.  We didn't even need meat after all that.  Sam got some too because I promised him.  Lauren offered me the bed for the evening so when I got up this morning we traded places and grammaw and Reaves had some quality time for a few hours.  

She's a typical two week old infant, wanting to be held and pacified which we usually do.  She's finding her thumb and feet and quite alert except when milk drunk.  Gripe water is the best thing ever invented and I only wish I had had some back in the day because just about every feeding ends up with hiccups.  She was fussy yesterday, probably because of the intrusion into their little cocoon of a home by grammaw.  Or maybe it was just gas!

None of the headbands she has fit her head ( too big ) so Erica came in with one last night that actually stayed on for a minute.  Too stinking cute.  I had the opportunity to people watch while outside smoking and got tickled at this little boy kicking a soccer ball like a football.  He managed to get it stuck in a tree but got it out.  

I delivered MORE presents which we opened per written color coded instructions.  I sent Claudia a picture of Reaves with the blanket over her.  Kay's diapers and Janie's formula were a proud addition to the household.  As it happened, this was Lane College homecoming weekend so we got treated to a halftime performance being practiced over and OVER again from a couple of streets over.  The whole area was blocked off for the festivities.

Me and Reaves watched CBS Sunday Morning together which is something that I miss.  My parents got me hooked on it years ago.  Today they covered Nate, Tom Petty and Las Vegas in no particular order.  

Ya'll have a great week.  I'm taking it one day at a time~

unwinding

It was a somewhat hairy day for me so I'm happily doing some chair yoga to relax a bit.  I'm off for the weekend and going to see my girls.  They're on a sleep eat and play schedule while she's off.  They will be in the 'burg sometime soon to make the rounds.  I want to personally thank via blog all the wonderful people who have stuck with us through this ordeal.  I can't believe she's two weeks old because I was just rambling around the food court at General, so it seems.  Time warp, most likely.

There's not much news except for Trump so meh.  Somebody in a thread said they saw a t-shirt that said "Free Melania".  I about lost it.  I am my mother's child so I'm working on procrastinating on the thank you notes.  You may get one by Christmas.  Or not!  Mama worried about that more than anything after Daddy died.  Her soul kept me working through the list for notes following her death five months later.  

All of that seems long ago yet it was a very real trainwreck at the time.  We kept Mama and Daddy at home with help as long as we could but the falling and whatnot just wasn't working.  My friend Becky cares for her 91 year old aunt who "doesn't want the help" in her house unless it's the neighbor or Becky herself.  Boy do I know that feeling!!

Anywho...life is good ^j^

hold my beer and watch this

Lord ya'll.  This old girl is worn O.U.T.  But then so is everybody else so there ya' go.  Everybody's all making plans for their next adventure and I'm still in lala land from baby week.  Can't wait to hold her and open presents!

I have a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'm not sure what's going on there.  It could be work or life of just all of the above.  It's like I've been in crisis mode too long and all my receptors are burned.  It's a chance to pick up extra hours now and all I care about is getting to Jackson.  That's true love.  412 is my friend after all this time.  It's close to time for Sondra to hit the road past the Safari park and Flamingo car wash toward her honey.  I know where we'll be next spring.

As for the guns, my daddy would say "Janie...it has always been thus and so."  Hatred and violence are recorded all through recorded history and most of it was about greed.  I remember the movie Seven with Brad Pitt about the deadly sins.  That was a doozy.  

I'm not sure what the others are but I reckon I've been all of them at some poing but I'm forgiven because I didn't know better at the time.  A person with a conscience will not let an opportunity pass by to reach out to somebody else in friendship, no questions asked.  And now I'm listening to Linkin Park.  Do ya'll think I'm having a midlife crisis???  Nah...too late for that.

Peace and love to you and yours ~

walking the walk

There are so many people who talk a good show but never follow up.  After 40 years in the workforce I've come across them in every conceivable situation.  They are the ones who leave the spirit stick to their minions and expect them to manage up.  Sometimes that approach works, when the workforce has a team spirit.  Employees that are valued for their dedication and loyalty will be good sales people for your business, especially in the communnity.  It's as simple as that.

Reaves is at the doctor today with her poor tired mama.  I can hear the fatigue in her voice as she battles not just having a baby but every little complication that can possibly go along with it.  I'm so glad I was there for the worst part.  

I watched some body cam video of the Mandalay Bay slaughter and just could not wrap my mind around the arsenal that this man had built in a week.  Trial run????  What a nut job.  If I was a betting gal I'd say he's playing poker with the devil right about now.  

Justice ~

love you....bye

I always say it now when I end a conversation.  It's like a simple way of having faith that things will work out and we're all in it together.  My friend Lorna had a miracle handed to her yesterday and I'm in awe of how the universe works.  

Lauren still isn't done with the pregnancy because she's bleeding again and on a 24 hour treatment with cytotek meaning more labor to pass the clots.  If that doesn't work it's D and C time.  Lerd, girl.  I believe that this has been your test of strength and courage.  And you know what?  You're tough as nails.  Love ya....mean it.

I've avoided the news today except to gaze at the profiles of the dead people from Vegas and a gun count from the hotel room.  This is freakin' beyond ridiculous and if somebody doesn't get off the NRAs tit, you could be the next victim.  The scary thing is that it's so random.  Automatic weapons in the hand of a mentally ill person is not okay.  It's the monkeys running the circus.

I am blessed in life and I have a profound reverance for the cycle of seeing a new generation born as other lives pass away.  Becoming a grammaw changed me and challenged me all at the same time.  Like MHS used to say "we know what a miracle you are."

^j^

the smoking gun

I won't dwell on the details of Las Vegas except to say that it's time for a change.  Each and every time a horrific incident like this happens everybody gets all up in arms about the situation yet the Congress fails to take any sort of action to prevent what is happening.  This man bought these guns legally, modified them for maximum kill power and played a real live game of shoot to kill from a sniper's position in a luxury hotel.  If these concert goers, many of whom were children, had guns it wouldn't have mattered.  They were an easy target from his location and he was obviously deranged.  Mental health is a sneaky one when it comes to guns.  These kinds of folks simmer under the radar, quietly building arsenals with no proof that they are mentally capable of owning and using them responsibily.  The gun lobby is so powerful that we are helpless as citizens to change anything.  Only the government can do that.  Yet the word from the White House is that it's "too soon" to have that conversation.  Bullshit.  

Reaves and Lauren are doing well and receiving visitors daily.  I won't make it back there until the weekend but have a day off tomorrow to try and get this place in shape for a visit.  I'm shopping for a vacuum as we speak...Mama's old Electrolux just doesn't cut it anymore.

Love thy neighbor ~

social detox

Anybody who has ever entered mental health treatment will tell you that the phone is the first thing to go.  Use the house phone if you wanna' talk to your family.  There is normally a week of detaching from drug and other addictions before admission to a residential facility.  Anonymous meetings are required for anyone to visit a client.  I met some of the strangest folks ever at the local NA meeting at Here's Hope.  Hey....it's drug court umkay?

Work was pleasant today and I accept that message from the universe to keep the faith.  Mamye came by after and lord y'all....yesterday I had a house full.  Don't ask me what day it is 'cuz I'll be off the mark.  I think it's Sunday.  The Lord's day ^j^