Friday, August 7, 2015

the morning after

It is customary to return to a grave site after the FH has had time to get things wrapped up but we did not. Every single one of us is so exhausted that it just seemed redundant at that point so we each found our little space in which to carry on through one of the hardest days of our lives.  I am still overwhelmed with the number of folks who paid respects in one way or another to my father and that includes those who cared for him at the end.  To be honored like that is a privilege that many will never know.  I saw, in the kindnesses of others, a sort of love that I've never felt.  Or perhaps it was there, and I just didn't see it.  I think the universe and Big E have us all by the hand just waiting for us to enjoy the ride. I finally got the new Galaxy operable and promptly left it at Mom's yesterday morning.  Tommy carried it in his suit pocket all day!  

The message delivered by our friend Dell was about  seasonal growth which is totally what Daddy has been about as a lifelong tiller of the earth.  When he began there were no cabs on tractors or fancy pickers. Cotton was picked by hand and though I remember seeing it done, I can honestly say I never carried a sack.  One of my brothers almost burned up in the trailer from an accident with a match.  Calves were born in all seasons and weather and Daddy tended to them day and night.  The crop part was pretty much leased but the cattle were half his.  As I grieve, I see pictures in my  mind of all those times he came stomping into the red log cabin, shaking off the snow from one of those icy welfare checks.   When the time came to separate them for sale, the mamas would always get pissed and try to pin somebody ( him ) against the gate.  BG's daddy helped and got the crap kicked out of him.  Broke his glasses too!

I was kind of a wild child at an early age and I remember one of the few times I saw my Daddy cry was when I snuck out to meet a boy and he couldn't find me.  It's a sobering experience for one who was so hell bent on rebellion.  When we decided to move here to the lane in '88 he spent six months repairing and remodeling the ancient house that has turned into my home. Every day or so I'd drop by and work at his side and this was probably what I enjoyed most  with him...working toward a goal.  Both he and my mother are quite meticulous record keepers and that seems to be the last thing to go, that need to keep up with business. On the other hand, I'm the one who can't find her shoes in the morning.  To each and every one of you who have lifted my family up during the past week I say thank in the most humble way possible.  It brings me a lot of peace thinking about him jitterbugging his way to heaven.  


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