like the deer

Once upon a time a friend of mine got married at the Church of Christ which doesn't allow musical instruments but showcases the pure beauty of acapella, blending voices from different ranges.  I was so used to singing in a choir accompanied by piano and organ and not being able to hear pitch that I was floored at the clarity when I joined her wedding chorus.  Not that I don't love musical instruments, mind you.   Worship is what it is and can happen just as easily in a flash mob as in a church building.  It's all about intent, if you know what I mean. I slept fitfully last night, tossing and turning and waiting for the phone to ring, which indeed it did at around 5. I knew when I saw her name what the call was about and she was God's angel telling me that Daddy had passed.  The hospice chaplain assured me yesterday that we should let the staff care for him because they were steady showing the love.  I can't begin to name everybody who has shown us kindness but I will tell you this about that...I feel blessed beyond measure.

My friends found me, hugged and consoled me and my family and generally lifted us up during this transition not just because I work there but because he is a legendary man.  His last six weeks have been tough on everybody as we have struggled to stay connected as a family in spite of his failing health.  I honestly never thought he would be the one to go first because he's been pretty damn healthy due to a rigorous exercise regimen that included staying active on all levels, especially with the remote.  I have picked his ornery butt up and washed off the blood for several years now as he stubbornly continued his "independent living" here on the farm.  Mom said he would never leave on his own, and until six weeks ago she was right. That's when our all night session in the ER turned into a series of events.  Things happen and people die.  That there is an entire segment of healthcare devoted to easing the inevitable makes me sleep better at night.  It's all about choices.  Once the invasive treatments were discontinued, my daddy passed over peacefully to the other realm.  Official time of death was 7AM.  Our theory according to dreams and visions is more like 4ish. As I was leaving to meet my brother and Mom at the bedside, two deer appeared from the east field peering at me from the dark lane.  Reflexively I slowed the (trusty)Camry and just had a moment with them.  They were telling me to slow down and not run scared.  The fatigue involved with care giving is enormous if you are a trooper.  My plan B is becoming more and more present and less of a poor me kind of deal.  That will get you nothing but eaten by the zombies.

I feel the love folks, and that's what's up.  As "they" say: word^j^