Sunday, August 9, 2015

holding space

This was a new term for me, introduced by a dear friend who actually knew my Daddy but never knew who he was until she saw the obituary.  I had given her all his college ag books and she made a little altar from them with a candle during his last hours.  This, she explained, is holding space for someone which can be done as an act of honor no matter where you are during the passage of death.  I wish she could have known him better because I feel sure she could best him in the smartass department.  

Tommy is on the road again, this time headed north to his family and business.  Our bond has always been strong and this week has done nothing but pull us closer even though we are several states apart ( with WV in the middle, no less.)  Everybody is looking to transition in the face of Daddy's death and ironically BG received her own father's remembrance yesterday.  God is good.  All the time.  

Bubba and I remain to tie up the loose ends slowly, which is the only sane way to attempt it.  That house is packed with 60 years worth of memories and "stuff" that scream the Staffords.  The front porch is where I refinished my great grandmother's furniture for when I moved out on my own.  I had taken a job in Memphis but didn't really want to live there so after much ado ( daddy rented a U-Haul and had it packed ) I remained in the 'burg for a lifetime career at the hospital.  That doesn't happen much anymore, and I have so much respect for those who pick up and move on when there's a better offer. Some day I will be that girl. Most of us are bound by family obligations and if you're not, you will be.  

My animal totems have been in overdrive lately, most recently the deer that morning when Daddy died.  I remember in spring when I spotted the big black snake THREE times in a week.  Little did we know that would be the beginning of six weeks of grief and loss beginning with Aunt Granny.  Mo and her bunch camped out for about the same amount of time that we did, around ten days at the end.  That doesn't count all the numerous trips to ER and every floor in the place.  Eldercare is a crisis that is not going away and will affect how WE get treated at the end of life.  

I return to a routine tomorrow, not really willing but ready.  We still have a precarious situation down the road and a lot of paperwork to do.  My proper Southern mother will have thank you notes dictated and mailed in an appropriate time frame because, as we all know, that's very important.  There are dishes to return, though not many.  Most folks bring  food-to-go.  There was a lot of it and I've gained five pounds which isn't a bad thing.   


No comments:

Post a Comment