it is what it is

Lots of time in life, we find ourselves asking why.  We moan and we groan about our circumstances, and I'm guilty as hell.  I do take ownership of my part and try to do better, especially when it comes to money.  I love to cook but it's expensive so I eat out so I don't have to wash dishes or go to Kroger.  I have been very frugal of late, and will continue that pattern for the rest of my life.  Had I been wiser earlier, I might not be struggling right now.  But then again, who knows.  

Retirement at 62 seemed to be the only way out for me because of multiple health problems that included two bad shoulders requiring surgery.  Medicare didn't kick in until AFTER I had the ostomy surgery and even now, I'm paying for supplies that are not covered in the form of a hefty co-pay.  Yes, I am alive and still grateful.  Were it not for the generosity of friends and family I would have been in debtors prison long ago.  I have zero credit card debt because I don't have one.  Following a Chapter 13 bankruptcy which I paid in full my income is minimal yet I make "too much" to get any sort of assistance. I talked with a young lady the other day who had left a 24 dollar a year factory job because of strict rules and a bitch supervisor.  I was floored at that amount because when I retired I was making 27 and some change as a degreed healthcare professional with severe burnout.  I still don't regret walking away from it.  My job was filled the minute I was gone by someone less qualified but younger and eager.  That's the way of the world these days.  Most employers don't recognize the value of loyalty and dedication.  They use you until you no longer serve their purpose.

And, it has always been thus and so.  Back in the day at the hospital when somebody retired after years of service it was a big deal with a cake and reception.  There was no cake for me or any of the others.  The powers that be just rotated in the younger ones and upgraded staffing so that the job got done.  It is a real truth that the more you give, the more they expect.  I spent countless hours off the clock answering phone calls and doing paperwork at home.  That was my bad.  Corporate does not care.  

I don't feel sorry for myself one bit because there are others who are dealing with a lot worse.  I pray for them and for clarity in my own life.  I know that God hears me and understands my heart.  I don't think he values productivity except when it comes to treating others with compassion and understanding like his son did.  Miracle working, so to speak.

Y'all be blessed ^j^