a very weak faith

I have tried so hard to be brave and soldier on but I'm about to lost what few positive thoughts I have.  Yes, I am grateful to be alive and at home.  However, the bag thing is wearing me out.  They cannot get it to stay on.  Last change was about an hour ago and I'm sitting here with a towel under it waiting for a nurse to come.  My skin is raw from the constant prepping and pulling.  I am constantly washing poop covered towels.  I know, that's TMI but it's my current reality.  I feel stranded and alone depending on others to take care of myself.  Had I stayed in rehab my time would have been up this week so there you go.  There has to be an answer to this.  Please pray for it along with me.

Exhaustion is a daily thing due to lack of sleep.  Getting rid of the wound vac was a positive but.....I feel really vulnerable and even wish I had a partner or roommate to help.  But noooooo. Yes, I'm having a pity party and I refuse to apologize for that.  A solid month of this thing has caused me to lose what faith I mustered in the hospital.  

The news doesn't lift my spirits any as it seems that the POTUS is doing whatever he wants whenever he pleases and nobody is attempting to stop him.  I can hear the train in the distance through the never ending rain.  And it is hump day for normal people.  

I feel better just writing these words but it's not the funny upbeat thing that readers are used to.  Sorry about that y'all.  I'm assuming this too shall pass.

^j^