lived experience

My father had frontotempral demenria and it was not an easy road for anybody in our family.  Symptoms of this sort of dementia include angry outbursts, a lack of common sense and inappropriate behavior because there is no concept of others and their needs.  My mother was blind as a bat in her later years and he literally kept her hostage in their home, the one in which I currently live.  For about ten years following his diagnosis, he was a force to be reckoned with.  My brother, daughter and I worked tirelessly to try and make things a bit better for Mom.  The main characteristic of his dementia seemed to be control.  He turned mean, if you will.  All of this is to say that I recognize the behavior of Trump because I have lived with it.  Only my dad wasn't POTUS, thank goodness.  He would have settled 8 wars and started 5 more.  

There is one particular instance that I remember distinctly.  I got a call from my mother that Daddy had fallen while out walking on Samaria Bend.  He walked a lot with his head down not really enjoying the scenery but on a mission.  Our neighbor down the road called somebody who then called me and I was faced with the task of cleaning up his bloody body.  He refused ambulance transport ( go figure ) and I patched him up as best I could.  

They did not have home health because he was adamant that they were just fine.  He hated the social worker who showed up to work on a plan to make their last days easier.  It was a nightmare and battle of the wills. Billy was always a stubborn type and the dementia magnified that part of his personality,  The day that we took his keys away was the beginning of the end.  I was the bad guy.  Not pretty.  This was a man who was raised as a poor sharecrpper's son and never forgot it.  Compare and contrast this with the current situation in the white house.  Daddy didn't have nuclear codes or insider trading deals.  He was just one man trying to control the universe.  Sound familiar?  Anywho, y'all stay warm and keep the faith ^j^

enough

We are under a blanket of snow and ice out here. Plus it's really really cold!  I am in a warm house with food watching our country go to hell in a handbasket.  That is the big news of today.  Alex Pretti...say his name. If you believe the Trump administration he was a violent protester.  same for Renee Good.  I do not believe their spin for a minute.  One of the reasons is that I can still see well enough to view videos made by those who are enraged at what is going on in MN and other blue states.  The things we are seeing now in real time are not partisan issues.  Federal control over our lives is not normal.  I depend on local law enforcement to keep me safe.  If ICE and CBP were here, I would be scared out of my wits because they are on a political vendetta against those of us who are anti MAGA.  Does that not scare the shit out of y'all?  

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Pretti had a concealed carry permit for the gun that was on him.  He was attempting to help a lady up who was knocked down by CBP to get up.  Minutes later he was shot mutiple times.  It seems that CBP is much less forgiving in situations like this.  

What bothers me the most is that the trump minions are covering for all of this by offering up "domestic terrorist" as an excuse.  That could be me or you or anybody else you know who believes in the first and second amendments to the US Constitution.  

For the life of me, I cannot understand why this is happening except for retribution by a pissed off man who has never done a thing other than grift off of others.  This ain't the 80s people.  According to my calendar it is January 2026 and our rights are gone from bad to worse.  

I believe that the "flood the zone" mentality is working on us as a people.  We think that we have no options except to come together as fellow human beings.  There will be more death at the hands of federal law enforcement.  If I am one of them, say my name ^j^

the polls and the people

From my perspective, polling doesn't count for much.  Trump's approval rating is in the toilet and yet he still carrying on like it is his world, hemisphere and kingdom.  We all know that is handlers are worn out and afraid of gettin' canned.  That tells a lot about their integrity.

As we speak, there is a major winter storm for which FEMA is not prepared, cciting  various reasons such as "lack of funding or direction."  All of the money is being spent on ICE enforcement, with a couple or five military takeovers around the globe.  It is all funny money at this point.  

There are people who can step up and stop this madness but thet won't.  That is the tragedy,  What is happening in our country is not a partisan issue, but a humanitarian one.  When is enough enough?

I totally understand that everybody wants to think about happy shit...I do too.  The truth is that sticking your head in the sand and being a party liner just doesn't work if you have a conscience.  Either side.

Bernie Sanders is my political hero, mostly because he speaks his mind as an independent.  I have a bleached out sweatshirt that I bought prior to the 2016 election that I still wear on cold days like this one.  

I am kinda sorta like a toddler now, going to sleep early and long then waking up in the dark.  I never know what a day will bring but I have faith that it will be good.  Every day that I wake up to an America that is fighting back, it gives me hope.  This shit is not normal, I don't care who you are.  

I live in a food desert about 15 miles from the closest grocery store.  I do have a home with electricity (so far) to cook what I have stockpiled from instacart orders.  That is my new crack.

If I were asked to be honest right now I can do that without a polygraph  I have one of those faces and voices that can't tell a lie, which is why I suck at poker.

Y'all stay warm and safe and keep the faith ^j^

when you know better

 Well, if you learned anything valuable, you do better in my experience.  Everone has their own set of standards regarding
 treatment of other folks with respect. Judgement should not stand in the way of meeting others where they are.  Being open to the trials of your fellow human or animal or whatever kinda sorta is what Jesus would do, and demonstrated during his ministry.  A prime example of that is our local Salvation Army that feeds about 200 plus per day at the food kitchen. This organization is staffed by volunteers and run by (once again)  a director who is not paid.  Nor the bell ringers, bless their hearts.

Which brings me to an epiphany,  Not that I didn't see it coming but because the new world order is pretty damn scary.  There are authoritarian leaders all over the world who have cultists following them.  Some elections are not fair.  I was once a part of a voter tracking thing locally.  My friend and I worked our asses off publishing a magazine devoted to that end.  The budget was small and it lasted about a year or less.  We were promised support from other contributors that never happened,  I don't regret the experience, but I learned from it. And here we go.

* remember who you are and from whence you came

* Smile or cry or vent when you need to.  Nothing is worse than a fake persona or anything fake.  Phone a friend when times get hard. And always keep the faith ^j^

hp hp hp and caw caw caw

Merry Christmas to all y'all and your mama'n them. Here in West Tennessee and Pecan Lane in specific, it is a balmy 70 degrees and the crows have taken over my yard for the end of the year.  There are plenty of pecans out there with stink bug spots but I doubt they mind that.  Tis early flu season around these parts so count your blessings if you are not afflicted.  I have heard that it's brutal.

Meanwhile, POTUS is playing golf and threatening Greenland again. And starting a war in Venezuela playing pirate games.  And the whole world is watching and waiting and getting ready for WW3.  And us?  Well we are mostly barely making ends meet and scared as shit of what is to come.  At this point, it's just damage control.  

I am slowly but surely making my way toward repair of a parastomal hernia.  Six years after I almost died from a serious colon infection I will be once again on the operating table.  I don't remember much about the last time but this go around I realize that the initial surgery that ended with a colostomy will need TLC through the years.  I could care less about a re-connection because I'm used to it but, this hernia?  It affects the fit of my bag setup so it has to be fixed.  

The Lord (and my late mother) moved me the other day to call Senator Marsha Blackburn's office regarding the Senate vote on ACA extension that never made it out of the House.  I was pleasantly surprisd that the woman who answered the phone was curious because I knew a lot about the evolution of healthcare in West Tennessee.  Why do I know?  Because I worked there for 41 years.

So I hope y'all are eating way too much and enjoying family, even drunk uncle.  Just say "bless your heart and pass the peas."  Peace on earth, good will toward men ^j^

if you see me

Please remember this...if you see me.  I cannot see your face unless I am up really close to you.  I can recognize your voice and see a silhouette of sorts but not really any features.  This is what happens when you have macular degeneration.  If I see you out and don't speak but we know each other, let me know.  I am not ignoring you I just can't  recognize you.  I thank the good Lord every day for the ability to get out of bed and live life ro the fullest.  At 70 I see the end of the tunnel!

And so, I have revised my bucket list to make it shorter.  I want to experience the beach one.more.time.  Just guide my sight impaired old self down to the water's edge and set me up with an umbrella.  I would dearly love to see our country returned to the honorable state of an ally for peace.  That's a shortening of the phrase "world peace" and we are not doing our part.  I would like to see some bands that I missed back in the day....The Eagles, The Doobie Brothers, etc.etc.  James Taylor just one more time.  I could not handle it now without a whole lot of help but I would be thrilled to raft the Ocoee River again. I have never visited my brother and his family in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia.  That would be a dream come true.  Reaves will graduate from high school when I am 80.  I would seriously adore watching that happen...with honors because she is awesome.  

Life is short here on mother earth.  Not realizing that is one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.  Now I take nothing for granted.  What my daddy told me is true, in that the older you get the faster it goes.  And the more you appreciate blessings.  

Happy birthday eve eve eve to Baby Jesus ^j^

poop happens

Howdy y'all.  The title was the name of my very first blog.  The design created by my friend Tamara in Canada featured an outhouse and lots of other goodies.  Back in those days people ran blogrolls and kept up with each other on a daily basis.  Now? Not so much.  If you have followers they see the posts but nobody else does unless you share on FB.

So, anywho...I am scheduled for parastomal hernia repair in late Januray.. My surgeon ordered a barium enema repair pre-op.  That was attempted yesterday and, as Old Hoss would say "not good."  The prep was brutal enough but when radiology attempted it on a rectum that hasn't been used in six years, well.  Also not good and very painful.  Sooo all that was for nothing.   Now I will have to do the prep AGAIN and have a orocto scope.  OMG!  At least you are asleep for that.

Meanwhile, Christmas is two weeks away and I am ill prepared except for the nativity scene.  And actually, that is what it is all about.  y,all keepn the faith ^j^