Tuesday, July 31, 2018

lunch with friends

There is a loose group of us who get together when Patsye is in town about once a month.  I had six bucks which was enough for a Speedy.  There were only three of us this time one bearing gifts for Reaves and the other suffering from acute high BP.  I sat in the ER with her last time she was here because it was so dangerously high.  She has a bunch of specialist appointments coming up so hopefully somebody will get to the bottom of it.  Dangerously high.

I don't check mine but I take the med daily as instructed.  I really don't trust anything other than a manual check but that's because the monitor I had was all OVER the place.  I dropped off a piece for Laurie Ann to paint for Reaves' birthday and she is a magnificent artist.  I've seen what she's done with some of the windows she bought.  

The trolls are at it on my page again only I'm out of the loop and it's just a couple of guys arguing one liberal and the other conservative.  Not.My.Circus.  Y'all can argue 'til you choke on it.  Hatefulness solves nothing.

The blog troll came around again only this time it was an ad for something.  These people blow me away.  I walked off lunch to get my heart pumping and it was much warmer today, thus the box fan is blowing on me as I type.  I am purposely NOT reading the news until after I blog so I don't blow a fuse up in here.  It should be a "happy" place.  Or funny.  Anything but a rant.   

Give somebody a hug today....anybody.  I've already had two ^j^

Monday, July 30, 2018

walking away

I'm humbled to report that I have walked 1/2 mile two days in a row and I feel better for it.  Today is overcast and breezy so it wasn't bad.  I'm in my own little world out there on the lane listening to the sounds of nature like the wind rustling through that dying corn.  I looked for kudzu blooms today ( yes, there is such a thing ) but didn't see any.  They are normally found in spots where the kudzu is draped high over something and hanging down.  You know, like where the bodies are hidden.

Since I'm taking a break from the world news, I don't know much except the Zuck kicked that hateful ass Alex Jones  off of Facebook.  You gotta be pretty darned mean to get that, which he is.  I wonder if Twitter could dump Trump?   He'd have a nervous breakdown if he couldn't tweet.  

Since I'm usually up in my cocoon I don't see a lot of people unless I make a point to meet up with them or they come here.  The older I get the less patience I have with rudeness.  I have a date with Reaves Thursday morning so her mama can sleep after a graveyard shift.  I can only imagine what kind of adventures we'll have.  

Y'all stay happy and healthy and grateful ummkay?  Love ya like chicken.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

pecanless lane

I hit the pavement this morning determined to stay in forward motion which takes me under the canopy of pecan trees.  As is my custom I looked high and low and found only one tree with nuts out of about 30.  I dare anybody to touch that one tree!  The uninvited pickers will show up as usual in October/November and boy will they be disappointed.  Even the ones at the cabin are bare.  

I cruised down to see Daddy's surprise lilies and there's a ton of them.  On the way back from the chicken store I saw a gorgeous deer running through the beans.  I've seen them in that spot before but this one was really close.  It had just crossed the road and was running like crazy to the other hideaway.  They never cease to amaze me with their beauty.

I talked to Lauren and Reaves this morning and she mostly said "yadablahblado". I'm assuming that means I love you grammaw.  Last time I was there I showed her a picture of herself on my phone and she immediately started kissing that baby.  Hilarious.  

The moon was not quite full but still gorgeous and bright last night.  It's back to school time around here and no sales tax weekend in our state so it's kind of like Christmas in July at all the stores.  Lotso  crowds.  Former Governor Phil Bredesen was in town on Thursday for a closed round table discussion and my friend Rachel got to interview him!  He is currently running for the Senate seat being vacated by Bob Corker.  Bredesen's TennCare model of healthcare delivery was the crown jewel of his administration until the crooks got involved with the daycare and pharmacy pieces.  What we have currently is a refusal to expand Medicaid dollars based on partisan politics.  This has hurt not only patients but the entire industry.  And that industry?  Is the largest employer in our state.  Go figure.

Keep smiling.  Keep shining.  

Saturday, July 28, 2018

packed out

My friend Anita was buried today and it was quite a moving service.  Her tiny little church was full to the brim and the fans were on high.  Thirty minutes after the service was set to begin people were still pouring in and the folding chairs got pulled out.  What a celebration of her life!  We cried and held hands and didn't know the words to the songs but were moved by the blending of voices.  The eulogy was delivered by a pastor from a church in another county and he was on fire, for sure.  I sat there mesmerized as he quoted scripture after scripture but managed to get in a laugh or two.  It was an honor to be a part of it.  In a way, it was two funerals.  My friend Mitzi lost her brother last night and there will be no service so I felt her heart as we sat next to each other.  Tiffany sang like an angel.  

Speaking of surprise lilies, I came home to find the first one blooming this afternoon.  They are such a cool phenom to me how they come up out of nowhere.  I'll have to check the cabin and see if any of Daddy's are left.  With all the dirt work they might have taken a hit.  

Like the preacher said today " You never know when it's your time, only God does.  Appreciate the life you have while you are here on earth and treat each other with kindness."

Amen ^j^

Friday, July 27, 2018

some days i think well......

And other days I don't know.  Today is an I don't know day.  This full moon is supposed to be opening up new possibilities and such and I have felt the activity this past few days.  I got a glimpse of it for about 30 minutes last night until a rogue thunderstorm came through and it rained really hard.  Maybe that will help my pitiful little garden bounce back.  At least the grass has quit growing.  Mowing season will soon be history.  I've enjoyed having the little garden but the bounty has been not so much.  Maybe next year.  

I haven't read the news because I know who it's about and I'm done.  I've done my part by voting so let the cards fall where they may.  Today I feel very humble and small.  Kind of disconnected so to speak.  Like in purgatory or something.  I'm sure it's a growth spurt of the soul.  I feel sad and I don't know why.  My phone just dinged with a breaking news update from Blue Ridge Life. It has it's own sound, you know.  We chatted awhile yesterday which is a blessing of being online.  You can multi task!  

A ton of people have come and gone at our hospital lab.  I got a cheery call yesterday from Kay and Martha inviting me to an "old timers" lunch next Friday complete with a BBQ butt.  Sounds like a good idea what with all the transitioning.  A lot of us will see each other at Anita's funeral tomorrow, holding hands I'm sure.  

Any day now I expect to see the surprise lilies pop up,  They always remind me of Daddy's funeral because my brother picked a bunch of them for Mama to set by her chair.  It must be ESP because he just dinged again.  

My brother already has his stone set at the Carter family place down in front of Gerald's so I drove down to a look see yesterday.  I had a moment with it under the shady canopy of trees but it was pretty strange to see in stone.  He is always the ultra prepared one.  I'm mostly a hot mess living by the seat of my pants.  

I lack a few more episodes of OITNB before I indulge in brand spanking new stuff.  I'm still suffering with PTSD over The Handmaid's Tale withdrawal.  I can hear a train going by over in Southtown but otherwise it's quiet except for the click of little critters on the floor.  Lily is being a diva again so she's about to visit mouseland OUTSIDE.  I have boundaries, bitch.

Hope you and your mama'n'them are doing well.  I'm keeping the faith.  

Thursday, July 26, 2018


I absolutely hate it in life.  There are queens and princes everywhere looking to stir up some shit because they thrive on it.  Not me buddy.  Give me some peace and harmony any day.  I'm not super sensitive thank goodness or my trolls would be having me climbing the water tower.  Our local newspaper published an editorial cartoon to highlight the danger of duck boats.  Was it in poor taste?  Possibly.  Too much too soon?  Most definitely.  If you don't like what they print just don't buy the paper.  You can keep up with the obits through the funeral home sites.  You can boycott the hell out of it.  Just don't go around spreading hate and discontent.  We've got enough of that.  

Speaking of communications, Melania's channel CNN had a pool reporter up in the Oval Office who got kicked out for asking questions and then banned from the follow up at the Rose Garden.  Free press?  Hmmm.  She was representing not just CNN but other major news channels as a pool reporter.  She was not yelling.  She was not disrespectful.  The White House made the executive decision that it wasn't the proper "venue" for that type question.  Alrighty then.

This is why I pick and choose my sources wisely.  They cover the realm politically.  I am not one to be "fed" by a particular point of view because I have my own and that can change at any time.  I got saved from being fired once because of my right to an opinion.  Thank you John Jones.  

I've got to redo the tape on the window because I put it on the wrong side.  Acck.  Millette re-sent me the directions so I'm in business.  There WILL be pictures when it's done.

Love ya' like chicken.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018


I haven't set foot in WalMart in years until this morning.  It took me a bit to find what I was looking for but I left with the stuff to make faux mirrors out of windows which, of course, I have plenty of.  I also stopped by a local antique shop to follow up on a job lead and found that the owner wanted somebody with decorating experience.  Very nice lady and beautiful shop, I'm just not qualified.  

Thanks to all who had my back over the whole troll thing.  I've been blogging since 2007 and that's the first time I've been attacked personally which I guess is not bad.  Most of the unwanted comments are ads for something or the Turkish terrorist cell.  If you know me at all, you know that I have good intentions.  Those good intentions may go sideways sometimes and when they do I make amends.  

I can't believe Reaves is almost a year old.  Auntie Erica and Lauren are busy making birthday plans already.  She'll think she's died and gone to heaven with a smash cake.  I have a picture somewhere or another of my baby brother when he turned one sitting in a wooden high chair in rubber pants digging into his cake.  That was before disposable diapers ya know!

I was at the gentral' without a buggy and juggling a bunch of stuff when I started dropping everything.  A kind man in front of me helped pick things up and carried them to the checkout for me.  Thanks dude!  You are today's hero.  There's one on every corner thank goodness.  It balances out the asshats.  

No politics today because I'm weary of it all.  Early voting is about to end with the election next week.  I can't stress how important it is for us to use that right especially for younger folks.  I've been watching my friend Brian live in a canoe race on the Missouri River for two days now and he is worn out.  I admire him for keeping on.  It's quite educational as he explains the difference in barge action on the Missouri vs the Mighty Mississippi.  

Okay, maybe one political observation.  The government has passed billions of dollars in aid to help the farmers who are being affected by the recent tariffs.  Hmmm.  That seems kind of ass backwards but whatever.  Not my circus.  I wonder if organic farmers will get help or just the Monsanto breed.  My friend Lorna was at one time an organic cotton farmer before it was cool.  

Carry on with faith and goodness y'all ^j^

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

an open letter

Dear Weary:  I have left your comments intact for the world to see if that's what you want, however you will be marked as spam in the future.  Very few people comment directly on the blog and the ones who do so are open and honest about who they are.  I do not know you and never asked for you to read my blog.  I never asked for anybody to "publish" my works.  I did not know your grandson died because I don't know who you are.  Remaining anonymous while tearing someone down is extremely passive aggressive and disturbing.  I noticed that your profile is blank except for joining Blogger in 2017 way before the Thomas fire however your first comment was on the day the fire started.  

I do not hate the government or the POTUS.  I am not "working the system" by drawing early SS.  I worked 41 years and paid for that dearly.  Once again, your judgement means nothing to me.  God is my judge.  I try to do good things with the blog but mostly it's just therapy for me.  I suggest you do something similar to appease your need to be critical and have a voice. I'm assuming you are up in church at every opportunity by the way you bash my spirituality and intentions.  Jesus doesn't like that, by the way.

Many of my friends are aware of your actions which, I assume, is what you want.  They are not amused and are aware that if any harm comes to me you are a prime suspect.  Do us all a favor and get a life.  

Sincerely, Janie

Monday, July 23, 2018

alrighty then

Evidently I have a hater who comments as something tired in California Thomas fire.  For the 2nd time this anonymous person has attacked me personally and quite critically in the comments section of my blog.  It is obvious that this person has been reading and knows what I write about and thinks I'm a shithead.  So be it.  You do not have the right to call me out and pass judgement.  What I write here is my life, not yours.  My inventory is my own and I take it daily.  Once again, judge not.  Lest ye be judged.  I'm pretty sure it's a conservative because of the Colbert hatred.

I've been talking with the man who publishes A Page in Time and he is covering the Reaves family history with help from my cousin Susan.  I gave him a little bit more info for the August issue and he will follow up by weaving the history of Ferguson Farm into the story.  The older you get, the more history becomes important.  I understand now why my parents went to such great lengths to record it.  

The garden is slowing down but it is pretty small so there's that.  I picked a single squash today.  It's overcast and cool.  Perfect porch weather.  See y'all there.  ^j^

Sunday, July 22, 2018


I just got back from several very strenuous hours with a young lady who would have no part of a nap.....she's a fighter like that.  So we had breakfast and played while Mom slipped off for a nap.  It has become our routine.  She has this jumpy thing in the corner and her legs haven't been long enough for it so we checked it out today and she LOVED it.  Jumped like a little madwoman and smiled the whole time.  I would say the word and she'd go at it.  Thank you Millette for that lovely piece of joy as well as "the jail" that sits next to it.  She was all laid up in Mama's lap with a bottle when I left just chilling but when I said "jump" she did her legs and grinned.  She also like having me sing along with the push button console toy that plays baby songs.  

Traffic was light and the landmarks usual as I traveled back to the 'burg.  I like driving on Sundays because it's not so crazy.  My friend Anita will have her life honored at her home church next Saturday.  I expect large crowds and lots of tears so bring tissues.  I have never been to Jones Street but I've heard her family talk about it so much I feel like I have been.  

I have an empty week except for a cheap date with Carol some time or another.  We're gonna' hit up McDonald's dolla' menu one day.  She got Reaves some clothes the other day which are always needed.  Like she said "they grow fast."

I don't mean to be an alarmist by any means but I think we should all take a good hard look at the way this whole Russia thing is playing out and at least CONSIDER the possibility that our POTUS is being played.  Bless his heart that he doesn't get it but damn y'all.  Even the Soviets are now saying to us "y'all better watch your backs."  We know he's an expert with poison as is NOK.  Remember when old girl got pushed in front of the train by Frank Underwood?  Yeah.  That's what happens to investigative journalists.

I picked all green tomatoes yesterday, fried 'em up in my mama's iron skillet and ate every last morsel with ranch dressing.  Nirvana, I tell you.  That wiped out the produce for awhile.  

Faith is believing in something that you cannot see but believe to be real.  It has kept me going through a lot of dark times and I look for God's hand in every little thing.  It may not be what I wanted or expected, but anything can be a blessing if you let it.


Saturday, July 21, 2018

like a bad dream

I spent a large part of yesterday working through the grief that comes with losing a good friend suddenly.  I've learned to just let the tears roll and go with the flow because that's part of the process.  It still doesn't seem real.  God bless her family.  

I am so sick of trolls I could scream but I just don't engage.  The last one commented that "numerous" presidents have been unfaithful and that has nothing to do with how he does his job.  That is exactly 100% correct Doc.  HOW he does his job is what bothers me.  I don't give a rat's ass about who he's had affairs with.  It is his polarization of our country and alienation of our allies that I object to quite strongly.  I did not vote for him but I am an American citizen and he is supposed to represent this country as a world leader.  He is a laughing stock and has pissed off more people in two years than I've known in my entire life.  He does not care about us, only about his agenda.  He truly believes he is cock of the walk and that is scary.  His recklessness with other world leaders and the security of our own country have put us in a very vulnerable position that most of us didn't ask for.  

For those of you who defend him, please quit blaming Obama and HRC for everything.  Why keep bringing up the past over and over again?  That is nothing but a smokescreen to take attention away from the damage he is doing.  The only comfort I find is in watching Colbert shred him every single night.  That alone makes me laugh it off.  

I remember one Halloween my Daddy dressed as Ross Perot.  It was a joke, of course because Perot didn't stand a chance in hell just like Bernie didn't.  And why?  Because the two parties are so powerful and get so much PAC money that a candidate who doesn't have access to all that AND a party is dead in the water.  I'm still disappointed in HRC, not because of Benghazi or emails or other talking points.  It's because of the way she treated Bernie during their campaigns.  That is also why she did not get my vote and he did.  Rant over.

We missed our only chance of rain yesterday but it's cooler so there's that to be thankful for.  I may be picking up a side job if we can pull all the details together.  We shall see how it goes with that.  At this point, I'm willing to do most anything that doesn't involve repetitive motion on these shoulders.  I have a lot of skills and talents and I'm still on the learning curve of retirement.  I still sleep a lot because I can and my body needs it.  

I choose to see the glass as half full.  How about you?

Friday, July 20, 2018

miss anita

My plan for today was to go visit her in the hospital.  She was in a regular room and things went bad and she went to be with her Lord late yesterday afternoon.  We are all still in shock, literally, to lose someone so full of love and life.  It has been a rough couple of months for the hospital crew losing Kelly Jo, Elizabeth, Sharon and now our beloved Anita.  

When we first began working together she, like Sharon, was a ward clerk which means you took care of EVERY little thing, all on paper at that time.  Later she transferred to the lab and became our pathology secretary then learned phlebotomy and took to the halls with a tray full of needles and a big smile.  She did it for years and years all the while juggling a family that included two loving children and several grandkids.  We shared a lot of laughter and tears together over her mama Miss Annie and the things she would come out with in her advanced state of dementia.  Nita would come home to find stuff hidden in every nook and cranny where her mama had been "busy."  For the past few years Miss Annie lived with her.  

When I went out on medical leave she was on unpaid family leave to care for her mama.  She returned later only to come down with a nasty pneumonia that gave everybody a scare but she made it.  I last talked with her a few weeks ago when I called to check in and she sounded weak.  Told me she had pushed too hard to try and keep going.  That was just her.  Hers was the voice I heard when the call came that my Daddy had died.  She was there when I got to 2N waiting to comfort me.

I can honestly say I've never known a tighter knit clan than hers.  There were regular Coleman family reunions, usually with her at the helm.  She never missed church or bible study at Jones Street Church of Christ.  Her faith gave ME faith.  

She was a maniac Choctaw fan for any sport.  Her granddaughters are star basketball players and her son is a football coach.  She lived and breathed for her family.  She was their rock and I can't imagine their agony and pain over losing her so early in life.  She always told me she would be retire when she got 62 but we never know what's around the corner.  

My heart goes out to all of you.....Kenje and Amber, Lisa and Chris and all the grandchildren.  You are not alone in your grief.  Be strong and hold each other tight knowing that you all were the light of her life.  


Thursday, July 19, 2018

dream a little dream

As mentioned before I've been remembering my dreams lately and last night's was a doozy.  All the dolla' gentrals' closed!  Oh my goodness what would we do out here in the food desert.  I've already made my run for the day to get laundry detergent and toilet paper.  I have had peaches and cream corn for supper three nights in a row thanks to Mary Beth and Kim.  Nectar of the gods, I tell you.

I went to bed before dark, weary with life.  It didn't take me long to drift off and sleep for 14 hours.  I plan to go to Jackson tomorrow to see the girls and Miss Anita who is in the hospital.  She has had a mighty tough time.  

The corn is turning yellow around the bottom which means it's getting ready to die and get outta' my line of vision.  By then it will be September which is birthday month not just for me but for Reaves and Lauren.  I will never forget her telling that doctor to please get that baby out before midnight!  Following three long days of induction, they did a section at 1030 with an hour and a half to spare them having the same birthday.  My friends Lisa and Jack also share Lauren's birthday.  Kimo and I have the 9th in common.  

I noticed a little sprig of poison ivy beginning to change colors and it's any day now for surprise lilies.  One day they're absent and then like magic they appear.  I hear that the POTUS wants a re-do on the Putin meeting since it was so wildly successful  in his eyes.  I would advise him to change his game plan next time around since a lot of folks on both sides of the aisle think it was ridiculous.  The military parade will cost 12 million dollars in November on the day before Veteran's Day.  Might I suggest we use that 12 million to benefit said veterans instead of having a parade?  Just asking.  

Y'all remember who you are.  And keep the faith ^j^

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

wag of the dog

I haven't been walking because of the extreme heat and humidity.  This morning was cooler with a nice breeze and lower humidity so me and the boys took off down the corn lane.  They love to scamper across the road in front or behind me as I trudge along.  Needless to say I could tell I've been sitting on my butt.  I intend to keep on keeping on unless it's too humid.  That sucks the life out of an old girl. 

So how about that college student that walked 20 miles to his first day at work?  That kind of work ethic is almost non-existent these days.  A lot of people reached out to help him they were so touched.  Goodness is all around us.

So it's back to Step 1 for me which has happened many many times during my life.  That's the only way that they can work is if you keep going back and letting go.  Make things right when you can and leave the rest to God.  I am pretty quick to make amends because conflict makes me literally sick and I want no part of it.  

There are several projects that I'd like to work on but the cash isn't there to buy supplies so I'll piddle some more and sort through MORE boxes and pictures.  It's never ending.  

Keep the faith ^j^

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

humble pie

I stand today chastised and hopefully forgiven.  With some people it doesn't take long.  Others hold a grudge forever...you never know.  I sent a prayer request the other day to a few people assuming it would be held in confidence and it was not.  It was a simple shout out for prayer and resolution with people that I trusted.  I don't blame anybody, but it sure did cause me a lot of heartache...still does.  I am sometimes so naive that I see the best in folks most of the time.  The lady at the pawn shop had on a "bless your heart" tshirt that I wanted to take right off her back. The dude buying a saxophone said that southern women can preface anything with "bless your heart" and get away with it. The camera equipment was too old and the TV too.  So.  Back to pimping frames and antiques.   

I need to have another sale which would require some organization but not a lot.  Pickers like to do just that...pick through piles and boxes.  I'm a pawn stars fan from way back.  And I have so much OLD stuff still.  

At least the TV is out of the way in the living room.  Slowly but surely I'm finding the floor in there.  I will take it to Damascus tomorrow since it's in the trunk.  I've reached that peaceful spot briefly where I know that the world will keep on turning in spite of curveballs.  You just dodge them the best you can.  It is what it is and it's in the big guy's hands.  This blog is a place of peace for me but I used to be a BIG time ranter, especially about politics and Iraq.  

Negative Nancy once suggested that I was wasting my talent on being negative when I could change someone's life by sharing my spirituality and looking at things in a positive light.  Everybody has pity parties, don't get me wrong.  But people don't wanna' read that stuff.  They want happy shit like rainbows and unicorns.  Funny shit like Colbert. People love to laugh and it's good for the soul.  Bless all our hearts ^j^

Monday, July 16, 2018

taking a break

You know, like from ruler of the world. All that does is makes things more complicated if you know what I mean..I had two angry calls today from people whose business I was invested in.  I see both sides of the story and choose to step back.  Not.My.Business.  Or my circus.  

If my Daddy were alive he would be 87 tomorrow.  I remember us missing his birthday dinner because we buried GaGa that day.  I'm sure Mama made up for it soon with fried chicken and purple hull peas.  That's the way she rolled.  

I had an honest to goodness drive by from a candidate that I voted for today.  They even left a card on the door!  I walked wifey out and met the candidate in the car.  Lerd, it's hot.  

From now on, it's all about me and what I need.  There will be bills split and arrangements made.  My ATT bill is 192 bucks for two lines.  Not acceptable for a retiree.  I'm thinking straight talk.  My phone is compatible "i think" so we shall see.

Onward girl ~

vote early and often!

Just kidding.  That only happens when Russia is involved.  I went to cast my early votes with a mental list of my picks.  The ones I didn't know, I skipped.  There is a county general along with the primaries.  The told me it had been steady all morning with probably about a hundred coming in just today.  For what it's worth, my votes were cast.

My dear friend Mary Beth came by with two sacks of sweet corn from Kim's patch and I can't wait to get into it.  That will be supper as long as it lasts. I had another one of those dizzy spells at the chicken store and I've noticed that they happen usually when I go from the heat into a cool place.  And really?  I don't know how to avoid that.  I'm taking my BP meds as ordered and everything else too.  I think the heat just has everybody down and out.  It never rained much yesterday in spite of some angry clouds and thunder to the south.  I'm pretty much sure BG got slammed in Jackson.  

Until it cools off a little, I am housebound except for watering the garden.  I'm fairly certain the next electric bill will be a killer so there's that to consider while juggling finances.  Lerd, where's a blog fairy when you need them?  I was blessed with one for a long time and still don't know who it was.  Of course that was half the fun!!

Mary Beth has done research on the windows that she bought and has actually tracked down a relative of the business that was there when they were part of the structure.  Is that cool or what???

There will be no political rant today because I'm sick of the whole thing.  We are so polarized that the world is probably going to implode.  And guess who is pulling the strings?  Yeah.  We need agent 007.

Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, keep the faith ^j^

Sunday, July 15, 2018

the patience of job

Today's sermon was about all the bad things that kept coming Job's way in spite of him being a good and faithful servant.  That happens to a lot of the faithful ones as in "bad things happening to good people. The preacher was a former atheist which helped to give a different perspective on the whole deal.  People get mad at God all the time when bad things happen but I can honestly say I've never blamed a thing on him.  There is so much sin and greed and corruption in our world that sometimes all that overpowers goodness and grace.  God doesn't "let" this happen.  Satan always has and always will be around.  I just pray for God's will in my own life and those of others.  

I met Bubba for breakfast at our old hangout Daylight Doughnuts where Mom and Daddy went every week until they couldn't get out to go to church..  I sat after that among a group of their friends and one kind lady brought their memories to life by recalling what faithful stewards they were.  Mama and Willis G started a homebound communion service for shutins. It was very humbling to serve someone in their home....acting as a disciple one on one.  She talked of Daddy's devotion to the mens choir until he couldn't stand anymore.  At the end they were sort of taking turns propping him up but he never stopped trying to sing his praises.  The last song was his favorite and one that he requested for his funeral.  Hymn of Promise.  I could smell the grease on me from Daylight's hashbrowns during the entire service.  

So if I'm reading things correctly Trump considers China and Russia our allies and the EU not so much.  He even told Theresa May she needed to sue over Brexit.  Lerd.  She just laughed it off like we all try to do.  I have no words anymore.  In light of everything this egotistical maniac has done to our country his supporters are alive and well and trolling Facebook.  No wait, that's probably the Guccifer bunch.

There is a good chance of rain this afternoon which would be much appreciated.  We are in that long dry hot spell known as July in Tennessee. For my bucket list I've been trying to find somebody (that I trust) to take me up in a small plane over the farm.  One of my friends flies 2 or 3 times a week so I'm gonna hit him up.  I've never flown in a small aircraft...only commercial and helicopter.  

There are some really hot congressional races about to be run and I'm just waiting for some balance up in there.  I don't care which party has control if they'll just do what's right for the ones who elect them.  You don't see that much.  Early voting has begun and I'll be stopping by this week.

If you don't vote, you have no right to complain.  Apathy is a serious problem with people who feel that their votes don't matter.  What's even worse is the ones who go and vote straight down their party line without researching the candidate.   This is a right that has been fought for over the generations for women and minorities.  I intend to use it.  

That's all I got.  If you have a sprinkler today would be perfect to run through it!

Saturday, July 14, 2018

one man's trash

They say, is another man's treasure. Such is the antique business.  I visited a store today all divided up into little booths to see if they buy.  According to the nice lady I chatted with almost no antique business does.  The sellers go to estate sales and scoop up what they think will sell.  As I was on the way out I passed my old friend George from the cath lab and he introduced me to his wife.   I was shocked to see him though Ava had told me he was back.  I bragged on him to his wife about how much his spirit helped me out during our beginning days of the cath lab.  

Next stop was the pawn shop where I left a tote full of camera equipment with Denver to research.  I trust him to do the right thing.  It's already smoking hot out there and I was sweating like a pig when I got home.  No more outside until the sun shifts later in the day.  Then I'll water the garden and go produce hunting.  I noticed when I visited the neighbor that she feeds squash to her chickens!  Go figure.  Her squash are a lot bigger than mine.  

My FB memory du jour was one that I posted three years ago when my Daddy was dying.  He has on a Santa hat and a big smile along side my friend the little general.  After a surgery that revealed a HUGE infection in his belly from an old hernia repair, he spent his last birthday at the nursing home.  After that came two more surgeries and a week in ICCU with him struggling to breathe from anesthesia induced lung damage.  A very kind and smart Dr. Ategbole urged me to "let him go" which we did.  Two days after starting in house hospice care he died.  Alone.  That haunts me still.  I got the call from my friend Ms Anita and we managed to convince Mama that she was there when he died.  Tommy and I had already planned that.  Otherwise, she would have never left the room and was very fragile herself.  Being on site during both of their deaths is the biggest blessing I received while working there, hands down.

I slept long and hard last night with dreams about going swimming and Methodist ministers.  Who knows right?  I rarely remember them but I've been dreaming a lot more lately.  Even though I watched the royal tea party live, I failed to notice that Trump walked in front of Queenie which is a big no no.  Oblivious, he just raised his chin and inspected the guard with her trailing behind.  Rude.. Someone commented that the "fake news" about that protest in London is because the Muslims banded together.  Looking at pictures all I see are white faces.  I guess that's fake.  Maybe the Muslims were cropped out.  I'm sure there are a lot of Caucasian ones as well.

Y'all stay cool and hydrated.  Looks like a good chance of rain on Monday so we shall suffer silently until then.  I am forever grateful for a good air conditioner at this point.  Gratitude is the key.  

Friday, July 13, 2018

god save the queen

I ran across a live feed this morning of Queen Elizabeth patiently standing in wait for Trump and Melania.   And she waited.  And waited.  It was obvious that she was not amused at their lateness by the way she held her purse and her facial expressions.  She was gracious as always but you could just tell.  What an insult.  Meanwhile, London is a hot mess of protesters against said Mr. Lateness and his entire visit.  At the rate we're going, there won't be an ally left.  The POTUS is supposed to be headed to Scotland next where he has a golf course.  I felt sorry for Melania, actually.  She looked terrified.

Nothing new in my neck of the woods. It's still hotter than blue blazes so I stay inside.  I'm trying to get motivated to keep on making piles but just can't catch the right mood.  I have a bunch of things for sale but it's a buyer's market  and very sketchy and nothing I can count on until the spirit moves.  And it usually does.  Out of my hands.

I'm still wonky but I'm sure the heat has a lot to do with it.  Well, that plus juggling blood pressure.  Not whining, it just is what it is.  I just got a call from a lab person who is trying to be proactive on a scheduled 24 hour computer downtime which is a nightmare.  Everything is ordered run and reported manually and then you have to go back and enter results after the fact.  A couple of hours now and then is okay but 24 hours????  Bless all their hearts.

I'm finally healing up from that window diving the other day but still don't have a key.  I can lock myself in at night but from the outside I'm screwed.  And so it goes.

Keep the faith kids ^j^

Thursday, July 12, 2018

aunt lydia

Well she took a beating for sure. Praise be, under his eye.  I sure do hate to see this season end.  I've still got a lot of catching up to do with OITNB before that new episode airs on July 27th.  I am addicted to both and that's about all I watch other than Colbert on YouTube.  

I think my BP is down though I have no way to check it.  I returned the 50 dolla' thing I bought at the pharmacy because it just wasn't reliable. Lotso errors and whatnot.  The girls there are nice enough to check it for me when I ask.  The heat is relentless with no relief in sight.  

I'm proud of the media for going light on the soccer coach over his decision to enter that cave.  All of the families involved praised him and shut up the blamers in a hurry.  That rescue was nothing short of a miracle.  

I was surprised to see school supply lists posted ALREADY at the 'gentral but then it's not that far away.  Reaves will be a year old in September and will be walking way before then.  Lauren started at about 10 months.  I skipped the drive over there today to try and stabilize this dizzy thing that keeps cropping up.  Hopefully that will resolve itself soon.  

The past year has been a blur.  Reaves' delivery was quite complicated both before and after requiring two surgeries post section to clean things up.  Lauren was advised not to have another child because of the perforation in her uterus.  It was repaired but is weak.  I spent so much time at the hospital in Jackson I can find my way all around it now.  Ate a lot of Subway and Chick-fil-a from the food court.  Slept on the couch and hung out in waiting rooms.  Their gift shop is awesome and I still have the tie dye tshirt I bought there.  It reminds me of that time and how difficult it was for all of us.  I was still working and trying to be a good grandma to a newborn 45 miles away.  I don't care how old you are, you need your mama at times like that.  My most vivid memories during that time are listening to the Lane homecoming band live from Talbot and the annual Soberfest at Aspell.  I even got a tshirt.

I'm still searching here, trying to supplement my income and cut costs.  What I need is a part time job that pays cash and those are hard to come by.  Therefore, I continue my quest to sell sell sell.  I'm late on everything and stay in the hole a lot with the bank.  Living on overdraft, so to speak.  Heads up on PetNinja.  I ordered a mesh gate from them to be used for Reaves and the money was promptly debited from my account in early June.  The freakin' thing was delivered yesterday from China and the reviews on it are terrible.  I haven't checked with Lauren to see if it actually works.  Beware of FB ads.  

So fat bastard over there in NOK is still playing cat and mouse with Trump which is indeed a very dangerous situation.  And if course Stormy got arrested for letting people touch her at a show and claims it was "politically motivated."  Right.  

My to do list is very small today and inside away from the heat.  I can't afford the CBD topical I was using for my shoulder and that's beginning to ache again.  I remember Mom saying that her joints sounded like popcorn and now I can relate.  With two shoulder surgeries and a bad knee I'm ahead of where she was at my age.  Just saying.

Y'all be kind and empathize.  You never know when someone needs a friend.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

morning chat

Ava and I left the hospital at around the same time for different reasons.  I learned a lot from she and the other members of the cath lab crew but she especially tickled me with her infamous "resting bitch face."  She's a traveler now and her contract is almost up so she'll be home in a few weeks and I want to see her so we talked this morning.   She giggled as I told her the bond I felt with that particular RBF.  Still do!  We were literally in the trenches together like so many of our co-workers. 

I stayed up late and woke up wonky because my BP was up and I could tell.  I haven't had any meds in two days so I had to re-up at the pharmacy and pay my car insurance before it canceled.  We are talking LEAN times here.  I'm hustling as hard as I can to sell stuff before the move and there will probably be a yard sale when it cools down....if ever.  The heat index is currently 114.  Did I mention how much I hate the heat?  As much hassle as the winter weather is, you can always put on another layer. Geez man.   

I've been life insurance shopping and have seen numbers ranging from 10 bucks a month to 120.  I think 5K will cover it.  It kind of bothers me that I have nothing to leave to Lauren and Reaves but my parents didn't have much either.  Had some kind soul not told us about a 10K policy Daddy was eligible for as a retired federal worker, we would have been out of luck on his funeral.  

By the time Mom died in assisted living, there was nothing left but the furniture and we had a yard sale by run by a woman who totally ripped us off.  I ran the 2nd one and Damascus picked up the rest.  It was as they say "a long process."  There was  no old money from the family inheritance because that was long gone.  It was truly a riches to rags story with mom's bunch. 

My parents did not own the cabin, the Calcutt family did and still does.  They lived rent free there for our entire lives on a gentleman's agreement with Daddy as farm manager.  I have always known them to be a part of our lives here.  That Harvey is interested enough in the preservation of this place when he could just sell it is very impressive to me.  He wants to carry on the family tradition.

After Pnoler and I married we bought a house close to the hospital when I was 7 months pregnant.  That is the home that Lauren landed in until she was 4 and we moved back to the farm.  She loved every minute of living life as a country kid and being so close to her grandparents.  

More and more I see my life here as a blessing.  Except for four years in college and a few in town, this place has been my bliss. I know every field road and the route of the river.  I have taken pictures of the structures before they fell.  Basically, it's a story that you can't make up.  There is one wooden barn left and the dairy barn with silos.  A good straight line wind or bump of the combine would knock down that wood barn like a stack of cards.  

As I look back on our days here, I realize that Daddy worked his ass off to provide for our family.  That his father-in-law is the one who gave him the job here makes it even more special.  Of course he had his day gig with the USDA but he was pretty much on call 24/7 as farm manager.  One of my favorite memories is of him coming in from pulling calves on a cold Christmas morning.  With chains!!

Well, this has turned into a ramblefest and brought a few tears but in a good way, ya know?  I feel time slipping away from me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.  As Hoss would say "And so it goes....."


Tuesday, July 10, 2018

letting go

When I first began therapy for co-dependency the first book I read was The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.  I was born and raised to be obedient which was sort of tough for my rebel self but I was Janice and Billy's daughter so I tried to keep in line.  It wasn't until I started therapy that I realized how I had lost myself in the multiple roles I was filling such as mother, daughter, sister, healthcare worker and wife.  I literally did not know who Janie was except through the eyes of others.  

I was 32 when I began that grueling self exploration that lasted for two years.  A lot of people worked very hard to help me get my head out of my ass for a number of years.  Through all that I began to figure out my core beliefs and how to forgive.  Now I have all the time in the world to go back and remember how I got to where I am.  I'm pretty easy at letting "things" go these days because you can't take them with you.  There are a few favorite pieces that I will never part with but a whole lot more that I'm ready to purge.  At this point in life, it's time to travel light.  

What matters most to me is spending time with my daughter and granddaughter.  I am struggling financially and so are they which makes if like working a puzzle to get together.  So many have been so kind over the past few years in helping me out that I can't quantify my gratitude.  And these people?  They love me for who I am.  

This is making me kind of teary as I wonder how it will all work out.  This time last year I had no idea I would be retired and struggling.  That infamous surgery was the turning point and I did what I had to do to take care of myself.  The job was full of drama my last years there which I won't go into.  Let's just say I got thrown under the bus and have forgiven but not forgotten.

Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing.  But you know what?  If I die tomorrow, I will have had 7 months of freedom that many people never live to see.  All of the things that I took for granted when I was working are becoming real.  Like affordable insurance.  It wasn't the greatest but it was taken out of my check so I never missed it until I started looking at just how much of my income was going to taxes, SS and Medicare.  I made good money and it's absurd that so much of it went to the government for programs that are at risk of being cut by Trump et al.  

Am I having a pity party today?  Probably.  I've learned to ride the waves when they hit and come out fighting.  In the words of Mr. Yates and Daddy "This too shall pass."  


Monday, July 9, 2018

rise and shine

I had an FNP appointment this morning at 8 so it was good that the sound of a chain saw woke me up.  I straggled around trying to wake up and watched as limbs fell everywhere.  It has always been really dark in this house because of the trees up close and it's so bright now that they're cleared out, especially in my office.  We're still at least six weeks away from getting out of the corn box and back to a clear view.  

Finally, I had some fried green 'maters from my own garden.  They were delish and I ate every bite plus some fried squash and Vidalia onions.  My cardiac risk has gone from very high ten years ago to low at present based on HDL, total cholesterol and LDL.  That is because I rarely eat red meat or other high fat foods and more veggies.  I don't like them raw but they sure are good with Italian dressing cooked in the oven or skillet.  What I had last night was 100% canola fried!  I use a lot of olive oil as well.  

Just had a three way with Lauren and Reaves and will probably head that way Wed or Thurs.  I miss that little toothy grin.  Y'all have a marvelous week wherever you are of whatever is on your plate.  As Jerry would say it's "Marvelous Monday."

Peace ~

Sunday, July 8, 2018

praise be

I sold both stained glass windows in one swoop to an old and dear friend yesterday and she was tickled to death.  So was I!  It gave me the money to go grocery shopping which was badly needed I had hot dogs and condiments and that's it.  Before I went I stopped by and visited with my lab peeps.  They will always be my family.  It still feels familiar and looks the same except for a different logo on the name tags.  I got a group hug before I left.  

My next project is to gather up all the old camera equipment I have and find out what's there.  Most of it is in a box...old film cameras and lenses, mostly Canon.  And I have a BUNCH.  Tommy gave me all of his when he went digital and I have mine plus mama's.  The lenses alone are worth a fortune.  I'll keep ya' posted on that little project.  I will have to clean off a table to get started of course.  That dining room has all flat surfaces covered with "stuff."  

I try to be a smart shopper and attempted to use my Kroger app but couldn't remember the damn password.  I hate it when that happens.  Debra checked me out and was very helpful pointing out all special offers including double fuel points on the weekend.  I would have never known.  They had some really good digital deals too.  

I skipped church because I think if it's one of those days you have to MAKE yourself go, God understands.  If the Spirit ain't moving, don't go looking for miracles.  To me that is the essence of faith.  Not in our hands, kids.

Happy weekend to you and yours.  And thank you sweetbabyjeebus for the relief from the heat ^j^

Saturday, July 7, 2018

snuggle buddies

I got up ultra early today and headed to Jackson because Lauren had the graveyard shift last night.  We got to the apartment the exact same time and Mike dropped Reaves off.  They had been out for a morning stroll because it's SO nice today with the passage of that front.  While Lauren got ready to hide behind closed doors ( we've found that works best ) she and I went for another walk and she absolutely loved it.  She's still sick and snotty but not in pain anymore.  I see an allergy specialist in her future.  She didn't really want to eat so we went outside with the walker and watched nature while she had those nasty little yogurt bites.  When she got tired of that, it was back inside and she actually FELL ASLEEP in my lap with a bottle.  And didn't wake up when I put her on a palette!  I had to wake her up when Daddy came back to get her.  It was a nice visit except for the not seeing Lauren part.  

When I got home the yard guys were finishing up what got abruptly interrupted by yesterday's storm.  Nice job as usual Mayberry Lawn Service.  They are soooo patient with me telling them where to weed eat.  There's a window customer on the way shortly ( thank you Lord ) because that thing is way too big for me to haul.  It's happening slowly, always at just the right time.  

I had a nice chat with an old high school friend the other day.  I was probably the first friend he made when he moved here for his last year of high school.  He is now driving a truck and wasn't sure if he was in Wyoming or Montana.  A whole 'nother world out there.  

Already, I see fall which a gift that my mother and I share.  It's a subtle change in shadows coupled with ree a rees nightly.  Today's high of mid 80s doesn't hurt either.  Just saying.

Y'all be safe.  ^j^

Friday, July 6, 2018

singin' in the rain

Well actually, I wasn't singing as I drove through the storm over to Millette's house.  The heavens opened up while I was there but I made a run for it and made it home safely. Ironically a tree cutting service was at her house too!!  Mr. Holmes has now taken down three out here with some trim work left.  Gotta' get the stuff OFF of the house.  

I saw the storm on the way when I went out to talk to yard mowing guy.  He was halfway through with mine when he packed it up for the duration. I moved all the cucumber vines upwards and told him where to clean it up.  It may take another dose of weed killer around the edge to make it pretty. The thunder is fading on round one of this storm.  Same scenario in middle TN only bigger.  I was on the phone with a friend when she had lightning and thunder simultaneously.  That's never a good thing.  

I'm steady purging which is why I ended up at Mo's today.  She gave us a ton of stuff for Reaves and a couple of the items weren't used by us so I was returning them for her future grandbabies.  Her recently remodeled house is to die for beautiful.  I pulled out into the monsoon right behind her tree service.

I haven't checked the news yet so "no comment."  Other than that it's all sunshine and rainbows as they say.  I'm thinking positive against all odds.  


Thursday, July 5, 2018

world view

Like the rest of the universe I'm watching and praying for that soccer team.  It's a complicated situation to say the least.  They are weak, hungry and exhausted and will more than likely have to swim with the SEALs to get out.  The rescuers also face grave danger.  Can you imagine being a parent on the outside watching all this unfold on TV?  Bless their hearts, and God speed.

So the woman who got arrested under Lady Liberty's foot is charged with a plethora of federal charges for her protest.  Instead of seeing it as cool to see a defining moment in history, one dude bitched about her "ruining their trip."  I'm not endorsing what she did but I believe in her cause.  

Reaves got to see her first fireworks display last night with her Daddy and his tribe.  Kim said she was pretty amazed  at first but then got bored.  Her attention span is pretty short!  Kinda' like "oooh.  look . squirrel!" But then I'm the same way.

I picked the first ripe tomato yesterday so according to Billie's rule it's okay to fry the green ones.  There is another one ripening on the window sill.  This is the first summer that I've ever really had the time to tend to a garden, even if it is small.  Whatever is left of it will be a good start for whomever lives here next year.  Which may be me, who knows.  

Y'all stay cool.  I think this global warming thing might be hell on earth so buckle up buttercup.  

Wednesday, July 4, 2018


I listened to NPRs annual reading of the Declaration and really LISTENED to the reasons given for leaving England.  I did not know but learned later that slavery was going on in England and was in fact brought to this country by several including Thomas Jefferson though he had moral problems with it.  Um. Alrighty then.  Anywho we all know the rest of the story and how now all men and women are treated as equals in this wonderful country of ours.  As I listened to the description of the king's behavior I couldn't help but think of our current leader's twitter addiction and much more.  It gave me a shiver.

I am grateful to live in a country where I can own a gun if I want one for self protection or food.  I am also thankful for the right I have to express my opinions peacefully and not be called an idiot.  If that means I have to carry a sign somewhere, I'll damn well do it.  I could absolutely slaughter people with the power of my words if I so chose.  But that's not what I do.  I write for sanity and hope and clarity to a brighter more peaceful world not for me, but for my daughter and grandchild and all of yours.  It doesn't have to be this way.  Apathy is the road to failure.  

So I guess this is my response to today's trend only not on the phone and clever or short.  I feel very strongly at this moment in time that we must seek common ground if we are to survive, any of us.   That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

let freedom ring

I'm pretty strapped right now which seems to be the "new normal" Still, I couldn't resist dropping three bucks at the fireworks store for sparklers and roman candles.  I am to the point where I'm looking for ways to make extra cash like selling windows which ain't going too well.  I had a rush there for a week or so and high hopes for that stained glass.  Now it's crickets.  

The ATT guy came out to check on why my connection keeps dropping out and he was gone before I even knew it.  Evidently it was something out on the road but the modem gets hot sometimes so I'll probably have to buy another one.  One more reason to seek a better deal.  I'm fairly certain they won't provide service at the cabin anyway.  They won't even extend it 1/2 mile to the neighbor's house.  

My chin is pretty sore where I landed on it crawling in the window.  Thank the lort' no teeth were broken because I don't have any to spare!  There will be no BBQ or celebration here except for that three bucks I spent on fireworks.  Reaves is better today, sweating off the fever and taking amoxicillin.  Her tough little mama is making some moves to secure their future and I commend that.  You don't know what to do until you know what the plan is.

Yesterday literally wore.me.out what with the driving and the heat and the window crawling.  I slept very late today because I stayed up late.  It's kind of hard to accept that I can't hang like I used to. Getting old is not for sissies but at least I'm above ground.  

Enjoy your holiday and remember that we are celebrating independence from tyranny.  Ahem.  ^j^

Monday, July 2, 2018

today's adventure

I got up early and hit 412 this morning to sit with Reaves while Lauren did a meeting and grocery shopping.  The baby was asleep when I got there and stayed conked out until Lauren got home.  She had already decided to take her to the doctor because she has this cough going on and she felt feverish.  They took off for the clinic and I headed home to meet the tree cutting guy.  

As mentioned before, my only house key broke off in the back door a couple of weeks ago and I've been very meticulous about the door locking and whatnot.  This morning I had a brain fart and locked the front door.  As soon as it slammed shut I realized what I had done.  O.M.G  I continued on to Jackson and did the grammaw thing all the time plotting how to get back in.  My only hope was if there was an unlocked window with no screen.  Fortunately one was open so I hauled my rickety metal ladder up under it and proceeded to climb.  I managed to get my upper body through and found something to grab but the ladder was so unstable I had to inch my way in over the frame which resulted in me landing on my head and lots of cuts and bruises.  It looks like I was in a fight and lost.  You seriously cannot make this shit up.  

After I got in I then had to go BACK to four points to get pet food and litter and a bite or two for me.  By this time I'm dripping in sweat and this young girl about tenish noticed me struggling to reach something way back on the shelf.  I had tried to climb up there to grab it and she was even shorter than me but by golly she got it!  Good Samaritan of the day.  "Can I help you with something?" she said.  Don't tell me kids don't have manners.  

So I proceed to checkout and the newbie at the register told me there was an ERC alert on the cat litter and it couldn't be sold.  Do what?.  The manager was there and figured out that the cherry limeade ICE I had was recalled.  No wonder nobody has them!  It was the only one on the shelf.  

If you need a laugh just picture this old lady climbing up a ladder, through a window and falling on her chin.  Take a moment to visualize that one!

Be safe and happy y'all.  

Sunday, July 1, 2018

our daily bread

I took communion today for the first time in forever.  The wafers are still like gummy bears but it's the though that counts.  I spent a nice long time at the altar praying for direction and purpose in my life.  Guide me to the doors you want me to open.  Please watch over my girls.  Today's communion offering went to UMCOR so I actually wrote a check and left it on the rail.  It wasn't much, but it's something.  UMCOR is the United Methodist relief agency that assists with disasters worldwide and right here at home.  I sat with some old friends of my parents and aunt and was moved by the talent of a teenage male guitarist doing praise worship.  I grinned as the acolyte had trouble blowing her flame out, remembering when Lauren did that sacred duty.  How time flies.

Mamye is still without wheels so I took her to Wallyworld for a couple of things and she bought me lunch.  It's beyond hot and miserable around here and Heather is on the way with a table and chairs for Lauren.  We are such a little village though miles apart.  I can't wait to see dat baby.

Stay true to your beliefs, remember who you are and keep the faith ^j^