Thursday, January 31, 2013

down the rabbit hole

Ryder was born in February of last year, one of seven choco lab/dane mix pups in Faith's one and only litter. She had pyometra from delivery on and died this fall, taking her last breath in my lap. Ryder is one of two who survived her, the other is either Joe or Bo over at Brett and Rodney's house. They took two, and one died. We kept the girl who grew to be huge in quite a short time due to her great dane heritage. Long gangly legs and webbed feet, she looks like a deer out in the sea of green wheat. She's always been skinny and had a bad case of worms which we treated and just assumed that she would "fatten up" after that. I was smooth in lala land last night when I heard a little whimper on the bed next to me and thought I was dreaming. Sounded like a puppy or something. I shifted around and felt a wet spot and realized that she was having BABIES right next to me. A bunch of 'em! Two of them died shortly after birth and as of this moment there are seven nuzzled next to her chest finally sleeping. She was so freaked out over this first litter thing that she jumped up on the chair and just sat there crying. She'd get up and go sniff 'em and then go right back to the chair. Poor thang didn't have a clue what to do. I can one and only delivery was enough to make a sane woman scream.

Thank the lort that I had several layers of stuff on the bed so it was a quick save. When you move a litter from the birthing spot like that, it takes a while for everybody to adjust. And how do I know this? Because I've been there, done that and got several t-shirts. Real animal lovers don't pass judgement on blood lines. So anyway we picked Mama up after hair and went to Applebee's for lunch which is a super treat for all of us. She barely managed to finish her tiny bowl of soup and sent the sammich home with us. The VA guy came today and that's all set so we shall see how things go. I'd like to be optimistic and think it's gonna be an easy ride, but I know that it's only just begun to get weird.

My mother is the sweetest lady you ever saw, a true southern lady who has dedicated her life to the finer things in life like family, food and fun. Holidays are special for her, especially Valentine's day because that's their anniversary. Fifty nine years on the 14th. If I had started at age ten, I could have never hung in with anybody that long. Frankly? I'd rather be alone unless there's not much drama and some financial support.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

living on the edge

As a faithful and loving servant to many, I find myself completely and totally wore ass out from being a caregiver to many and not a receiver of much back if you don't count the dirty looks I get every time I decide to drop by and visit my mother. No...not from her. Ya'll know who the devil on a schedule is by now, surely. Things have gone from bad to worse over the past week with him stonewalling and her crying and falling a lot. We stopped by for a visit today but got run out before mom ever got out of the shower. BG greeted him with a big smiling hug and told him on the way out that he's damn hateful. I agree and we have humored him as having a "condition" rather than just being mean. This is the man who has never told me that he loves me, and he probably doesn't right now because I'm the bad guy, me and my brother. The gig is up dude, try to go out with some style.

The finances are badder than ever so we're focusing on positives like lots of hugs and random group sessions on the state of our union. If I had the money I'd hire an accountant to tell me that I'm throwing my hard earned money away. But alas, that is not the case. I do not buy new clothes until the old ones look like the dogs slept on 'em. Vanity items like jewelry and makeup are history. I still manage to wear cute earrings thanks to my salsa sister Athena's flair for design. We have to bring our own pens to the sawmill now so they're at a premium with lots of watching for the thief who picks up a nice one and pockets it. Hah..and ya'll thought I wasn't watching!

Still waiting on that 1099 for the privilege of taking an early distribution on my 20 plus years of service with a healthcare system that bears the name of my home church. I will never as long as I live forget watching the CEO of said company pitch their "mission" at annual conference. At that point, I was over it. It was a typical big fish little fish game of acquisition and we all lost. My accumulated sick leave that totaled almost 1000 hours was cut quite swiftly in half as a result of the acquisition that followed. I'm such a damn Pollyanna that I honestly believed it was something positive. My bad, ya'll. It's all about the dollar just like with any other business. Visions come and go, ya know? Look at where Steve Jobs is now. Is that kind of total devotion worth wasting precious days of life for? He died one of the richest men around, just like the paupers do. Makes a girl think about priorities and whatnot.

Meanwhile, I'm all excited about January being (almost) over because it's just been a bitch of a year so far. My new goal is to have the house clean by Easter, that is...if I manage to give up being lazy for Lent. It's looking "not bad" as Hoss would say the scientists say.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

the tax man cometh

As I have mentioned before, this "sluggish" economy is about to get the best of all of us and never more than at tax time. While the 1%, including the Walton family, makes out like a bandit ( 8% growth in income, plus some change) the rest of us are losing ground and going deeper into the hole. The expiration of that payroll tax cut is MAJOR and if we don't see some attempts at dealing with that budget in a realistic way, there's likely to be anarchy. The government and the government takes away. I see a whole lot of things that could be done to simply some of the most complicated problems and they're really not that hard. Healthcare, as it is set up now, is a free market product with insurance companies controlling costs. Their control is patterned after Medicare reimbursement rates which are ridiculously low for all procedures and services. That is precisely why more and more physicians are employed by corporations. They simply can't afford the overhead to run a practice where the rules change from one week to the next. The whole setup, including the FDA, keeps a lot of government employees in jobs who know little or nothing about medical stuff. I mean, come on ya'll...they're politicians by trade and they make the rules governing how we receive healthcare. Some of it is tax bucks, but the majority is hard earned employee benefits that we pay out the ass for. This is why an office visit co-pay for me...a very insured working now not within the budget. I have had abnormal paps for about five years now and it's all I can do to keep those twice yearly appointments plus one here and there with my FNP. It's much more efficient to administer healthcare plans state by state and many of them are hedging on that one. We'll see what Haslam does when push comes to shove. Our TennCare model was the shining star back in it's day. Now it's been cut to the bone where nobody has access except for kids and their mamas. BG goes to the local health department.

Military wise, I'd like to see this whole middle eastern theme end much sooner than 2014. Those people are crazy as batshit and so mad at us they could go tribal. I'd much prefer to have a strapping young man like Steven watching over me here on US soil. These folks have families and are being scarred for life by the effects of a never ending pointless war. WMD, my ass. We can thank Cheney and Halliburton for that ten years of agony. Poor Dubya didn't have the sense to see past becoming everybody's go to guy post 9/11. And then there was Katrina. Don't even get me started on that shit. That's a shining example of government infrastructure projects being waylaid and letting people get hurt. Sure, they know they're on the coast and hurricanes come. It was the RESPONSE that was so scary. It took GW two days to even notice it on the radar. It was a sad story about the poorest of the poor being swept away. The business district has rebounded, evidently more beautiful than before. But there are scars, just like in NY and NJ. Bad ones.

There is no way out of the debt that we hold as a country. It's nobody's fault, and a whole BUNCH of people's fault. It is what it is, and can't be fixed. The time is now to seek ideas that help people believe that investment in a small business is a good thing. It's the way of the village, and you know it always takes one. Nobody can be Big Ike forever or king of the world except for maybe that dork in Syria but his wifey is pregnant and mama's gone to Turkey so we'll see. A great big thank you to Yahoo! news for showing the bodies in the ditch. Made my day.

We got weather brewing tonight. At 72 or so with a strong wind, it's looking like about a 20 degree drop. Sure has been nice not having heaters on! Those suckers run the light bill way up. I went to e-file this afternoon and discovered that I don't have a 1099 that I need so I reckon that will wait too. Gah. Can a girl catch a break? My friend challenged me to be real the other day on things like believing in BF and Sugardaddy. If I had not seen a steady stream of kindness throughout the year of 2012, I would not have believed it myself. As for Sugardaddy, that's just my alter ego considering that I have all I need in life at this point. Faith is part of that ^j

Monday, January 28, 2013

breaking and entering

I usually spend the quiet of Sunday mornings down at the grands' counting pills while they're at church. Yesterday I got that done in time to haul the garbage off before our appointed pickup time. Pulling the wooden door behind me I checked to make sure it wasn't locked and I'll be damned. My security door key didn't work but I just assumed that Daddy had one on him and all would be well when we got home after doughnuts and eggs and a dilly bar run. Got a deal at the DQ because the server thought I said "sweet tea" instead of three boxes so we got 'em all for ten bucks. Two regular and of course one Heath. That's where the breakdown in communication happened with the cute little girl at the window. Daddy had been clutching his debit card ever since we left breakfast so he was ready to move onto his next destination. OCD is a horrid character trait. I try to take comfort in the fact that I'm about as lazy and idealistic as they come. I have Stafford fits, but only when I feel that the rights of others are being sacrificed at the feet of political pawns. And hell no. That does not include assault weapons of any kind OR the extra bullets OR an unlicensed handgun.

Mom sat in the car while we checked out the key situation only to find that he had two alike and neither of them worked. Plan B, of course, was to find a window I could crawl through. We circled the house and found one without a screen on the backside of the den. I pushed it forward (much nicer than mine) and crawled my fat butt right over the back of her recliner. I let him in and he proceeded to tell me to give him an allergy shot and yada yada. I got everybody settled and went on my way home. About five minutes later the phone rang and it was daddy wanting help to get her up. Lord help us all.

After that me and BG and all three of our dogs went down to Bubba's pen to check out the puppies. Border collies are beautiful dogs and just lovely little fluff balls as babies. These are six weeks and ready to go with only three remaining unsold. I felt bad about leaving ours in the car but I know exactly how it would go down if they go out so they watched from afar. Sally sat patiently on her chain in a cushioned chair enjoying her free time away from seven kids. That stuff will wear a girl out! The favorite part of my day now is seeing Hillary whoop some GOP ass and come out on top. Girl power ya'll. Southern women historically are tough in and of themselves. While the rest of the country was living their urban lives, we were knee deep in either fine china or poverty depending on race and state.

Growing up in a small community jointly owned by blacks and whites, it was nothing to me when Vernell strolled up into my fifth grade classroom with a pencil behind his ear. He got "bussed" from Bruce or somewhere so that we would be racially equal. guy from the hood and 20 middle class white kids. It all worked out though. Our mayor Mozella is still kicking and so are the grands. Home health comes and goes as we travel this journey. It's a hard one, ya'll. But you know what? It's what kids do to honor the ones who sacrificed for them.

Love ya. Mean it ^j^

Saturday, January 26, 2013

that's what's up

I stepped a few ounces lighter today after getting a free trim by our friend Shana. BG got one too and we promptly felt like beautiful women once again. Anna and Dooder came by for a visit and Steve made us pizza! Big fun and a huge blessing for all involved. We watched Baby Mama which reminded me how much I miss SNL and CBS Sunday Morning. Don't ask about that combo, I'm particular with my passions. It's about time for the final season of Weeds to come out and if anybody tells me the ending there will be hell to pay...just saying. The timeliness of that series regarding Dubya's "war on drugs" will always stay with me as a fine series from talented writers and actors. JK? Love ya...mean it.

Our carefully made plans for more help with the grands has been reversed by them as of today. She has been employed exactly one week, and I hate to see her go but it's not my decision to make. Yet. Evidently Big Ernie is keeping a close watch on them because she's falling about every other day and still hasn't broken a bone. Both of them spoke of having the lady there to help as "a stranger in the house." uncomfortable. OHMYLORD! They don't realize that they're one catastrophe away from a nursing home, yet continue to sabotage our efforts to keep them safe at home. I have a peace with it now which I feel sure was made possible by sheer frustration and self preservation. It is what it is...that's what's up, as Shana says. I left my sweet mama in bed crying today, her guilt over being a "bother" taking over. After gently explaining that it's what kids do for their parents, she told me she loved me and then I was on my way past the new irrigation system to the top of our hill.

KY cousin and her hub are both having a bump in the road with their health but it's all looking better today. Hopefully they'll be safe at home together tonight. For all ya'll who survived the flu season peak, say a big Amen because it's been a doozie so far. I heard through the grapevine that my ex cousin in law was wondering what's up with me because I've been not quite so prolific with the words of late. He's the same one that never misses a chance to poke at me about politics. Deb told me that backing off from the desktop usage has really helped her to de-stress.
Of course her phone is smart, and mine is pretty stupid!

There is peace on Pecan Lane today in an oddly familiar all is right with the world way. We have survived some very harrowing times lately but BE has never failed to get us through to see another day. We have something to eat and a warm place to sleep. It's more than a whole bunch of other people only dream of. That humbles me, and puts me in my place as a whiner and complainer of trivial things. Like my ex always said "You think too damn much."'re right dude. We have a houseful of dogs and cat that is an allergy sufferers' nightmare, but they are family and the more the merrier.


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

oscar takes a road trip

Things have been busy with the grands and whatnot so we just now made it to the vet's office for his rabies shot, post jail bailout. They know him by heart since he was adopted through them after being abused. She showed me the picture of his back that was taken two years ago and it made me sick all over again to think of the rage and mental illness involved with that type of abuse. That little thing about seeing a future psychopath, as a kid, mowing the heads off of kittens..It can be very true.

I checked in on the media's spin post inauguration and found poor Hillary C getting blasted over OUR government not providing "adequate" security in terrorist countries. Really ya'll? These folks will blow an IED to high heaven in the name of their cause. They plot and scheme and recruit the next generation to hate America. To accuse someone who has done her best of dropping the ball when the balls have been dropping for ten years is just wrong. Oh, and by the way Rand Paul? Thanks to sweet baby jeebus you were not in a position to fire her. Asshat. Your daddy is ashamed!

The gun thing will be going on long after I die, hopefully from something other than an assault rifle. It's a given that people who are scared will defend their rights and turn into extremists who think the government is out to get them. Hey. I'm old enough to say I've lived a good life and it ends tomorrow, I'm okay with it. I'm not necessarily convinced that there's a mansion with many rooms, but I think there's peace and love with the angels. I've seen too many of 'em not to believe. And you know what? Not a one of them support the NRAs' current hateful position. You wanna see some guy go Rambo on you, start messing with his kids.

Still cold, but sunny. That's a plus for hump day happiness. Every year about this time I start dreaming about spring, trying to remember that the nasty ass sweaty summer comes right behind. I am too old to do the yard, work full time, keep the car running and kinda' sorta' get the floors and shower clean so we can do it all again. To some who have not ever experienced any sort of inconvenient happens, it's not even imaginable. Not on their radar. I've been looking for jonquil buds and found several. Within a week there should be a decent crop beginning. The snowdrops are beautiful again, nestled under a mossy tree trunk.

All is well, for the moment ;)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

duct tape and dilly bars

As fate would have it, BG's current one and only client is still hospitalized so she's off work again. I had even slapped some dollar store duct tape on the window film to cut down on noise and draft! It didn't help much while I was hauling my parents to church and breakfast and back with us trying to carry on a conversation about bread and ice cream. It's all good. I've heard the same stories several times. Mom asked the doughnut crew THREE times if they had cinnamon rolls. "No ma'am" they replied. Only fried ones. Dilly bars come with several coatings so today she branched out and bought a box of Heath coated. Way to explore girl ;)

I saw the inaugural events on teevee today at the doughnut shop and didn't realize that it is common for presidents to be sworn in twice...once privately by a justice and once for the world to see. I guess that's a real stealth move on homeland security's part, but it sounds wasteful to me. Lest you think that I'm bashing our current president, there have been GOPs who have done the same. Cards and mirrors, ya'll. The transparency of our government has always been and will always continue to be negligible. I feel like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show. We watched two very good movies, one a comedy featuring Sondra Bullock and the hot as hades Bradley Cooper. The other one? Why Stop Now. That's on our comfort list now, by the way. Ensemble acting has always been my weakness and these folks got it down pat. Pride's BFF has been here all weekend riding a four wheeler around and checking on him. He was out wandering this morning but somebody left the gate open so I can't blame him. He's just a horse.

One of my first blog friends was a guy in the Northwest whose wife had a lung transplant and received her donor organ from someone in TN. She is a dean at a school of psychology there and he is an environmentalist. An avid biker, he was hit by a car and we lost touch after that. His wife stayed in touch for awhile but who knows. Maybe I can find her name in that stack marked "book." Hope you're doing well Alan.

I am not an easy to scare person because I've grown up with coyotes howling all night and the occasional random stranger showing up on the porch drunk as hell wanting daddy to pull 'em out of a ditch with his tractor. There have been tornadoes and floods and other acts of Big E and we have never batted an eye or flinched at surviving. Country folks will do that when pushed against the wall. I know now that people really do care about me and just don't know how to show it. One guy wrote this in my high school yearbook " Always wanted to get to know you...afraid you'd bite my head off." Trust me dude...the bark is worse.


Saturday, January 19, 2013

new life

Today is a teaser...warm enough to get out and about without freezing to death and the sun is shining. Following an early bedtime (I'm talking 7 ya'll) I woke this morning to the brilliant rays and sounds of shotguns. season. The dogs haven't eaten since yesterday so here I go to the dollar store to get some food and uh..what else? Oh yeah..duct tape to secure the collision film. I can just see BG flying off the Mississippi river bridge because it pops open. Mom and daddy's new best friend was on duty so I stopped by to chat with her and go over the meds. As I pulled in I noticed that the crew doing the install on the irrigation system was on site so I visited and talked to the guy in charge. Told him I was Bubba's sister and he looked at me like I was nuts. Hey..maybe I am. Corporate has their progress report.

Our farmer friend and his girls are camped out for the weekend and Becca is steady trying to get Pride to play nice. He lets her brush his tail but not his mane. That's because his favorite position is something like KISS MY. She explained to me that he's just face shy. Shortly after that the fence crew showed up and did some more. I haven't looked but I'm assuming that Pride will wander no more. Sam is on the bed over there looking all sweet while he sleeps. He's my road dog...a metrosexual kind of dude who loves me warts and all and understands that sometimes it's just easier to crawl under the covers and sleep. People are concerned for me, and rightfully so. I have pushed myself beyond what is humanly possible for a middle aged smartass country girl who has passions that are fun but don't have any street value money wise. Truth be told, that's the only thing that has kept me sane. Over the years I've pursued a lot of dreams to the point of putting a plan in action only to find that $$ always gets in the way of art. To be worth anything, it must be either totally vintage old or Droid IVs new.

I chatted with one of my most trusted friends yesterday about life in general and we both agreed that recovery is hard and you need somebody to talk to along the way. We have been that for each other since day one. Her words were true, and scary and I was a different person after reading them. They gave me the resolve to let Big Ernie handle it and that's exactly what I needed to hear. My therapist can expect a call very soon, if you know what I mean. To all who have said a prayer or gave a hug either virtual or in person, I humbly say thank you. And don't worry...I'm not gonna just off a bridge or anything. Just going to seize the day ^j^

Friday, January 18, 2013

freaky friday

Okay ya'll, you know you're old when you take advantage of a $2 lunch for the "over fifty" set. As part of our sawmill's PR, we invite the folks around town to come to a meet'n'greet once a month or so with the smiliest person around these parts entertaining them. And no, dear Lord, that would not be me. I just get to eat cheap. Today was our first experience of getting three people to work in two vehicles and it worked out as I expected which was fine. I'm used to being dropped off now anyway because that has been our routine the past few months. Her new client is an elderly woman across the river who is hospitalized right now but will be going home soon. As we were riding home together she told me about a social worker friend who got KIDNAPPED while on a home visit...yikes! She thought she was a goner and then all of a sudden they dumped her and took off. Found her car somewhere down the road abandoned. She told BG that she felt sure they were going to kill her and changed their minds. Thanks Big Ernie ^j^

Keeping in mind that you can't make this shit up, she wandered to bed and me to my little haven for the winter. What was once a spacious office in the living room has been crammed into my bedroom for the duration of the cold spell. Like my mother before me, there's always gotta be a command central. I guess it's just the control freak/editor in us. She still sits in her recliner ruling the world! They seem to be adjusting to extra help so that's a plus. I talked to my old friend the undertaker yesterday just long enough to catch up on the state of things and put a class reunion shout out in place. There will be no more making of booklets or hauling of yearbooks for everybody to peruse. Simple, funky fun with no pretense. At one party me and an old guy friend sat in the undertaker's driveway thinking beer and talking 'til 4AM. And that was just the first night! Better living through chemistry, ya'll.

I'm totally pissed off that Islamic extremists seem to be proliferating like baby bunnies while we sit over here and fuss because it might cut the oil supply and upset our fragile collapsed economy. To HELL with them. We do not need their carbon. We've made way too much of a mess with it already. Know what the funny thing is? When Al Gore sold to a middle eastern media outlet, nobody batted an eye. Conspiracy! Truthers! All I can do is shake my head in disgust and hope that I live to see Bill O'Reilly have the big one on TV. Right now on my top ten list are two Kentucky politicians who want to play hillbilly with the gun thing. You know what? To hell with that too. What I see is our society crumbling in spite of the best efforts of a lot of forward thinking people. So what if we've already melted the Arctic. We can and will do better or die trying. Hint: one of 'em's daddy was one of the few Republicans who voted against increased military spending in the Middle East. Yeah. He's a real doozy.

There's a new fence ordered but so far Pride is still wandering in wheat. Honey..that is the least of my worries. I've got to figure out how to get to work all next week!

Ya'll have a good evening ^j^

Thursday, January 17, 2013

target practice

WA cousin became quite alarmed when she read how yesterday went for me so she sent a holla' my way just to make sure I hadn't climbed the water tower. Her opinion is that I'm being targeted as an old timer who makes too much a decent living wage as a college educated scientist. That doesn't look too good on the balance sheets when the kids are in charge and Daddy needs a few million more bucks. We even talked about Rick Scott and how he has made his fortune contracting with corporate to do their drug screening and will soon expand into the welfare sector. Good luck with that dude. Rand Paul's name came up too, and not in a good way. We shall see if our good old USA has had enough of the lunatic fringe.

John's crew got about 1/4 of the fence done today so Pride stepped right over the rusty broken part and over into the wheat because the grass is greener. At least he waited until I got home to bust out. I must say the wire job I did is quite pathetic but I'm just a girl and can't afford to go to the wire store for his ornery ass. He's lucky he gets hay and apple treats. Pride is a true barter...neighbor has girl who loves horses and pays for pasture until they break up. Poopie gets horse to make a pair along with Trapper. BG found Trap dead many years ago. Old Pride is still kickin'. So are all three dogs and the cat. Since the eagle shits tonight I went wild and bought some spinach dip at the dollar store for dinner. It goes great with crackers and ramen noodles.

Thank you sweet baby jeebus, we have toilet paper and aren't wiping our hind ends with leaves or the leftover paper towels from the basement. As I glanced out front I saw that there's water standing in the flats which means lots of wildlife and regeneration. Having a river nearby is a win win for farmers and this place is surrounded. I haven't seen any coyotes in the past few years so I guess homeland security cleaned them up or else they moved when the cattle did. Anyway, back to Sugardaddy. I think that every woman in the world wants to be taken care of in very basic ways and that men don't always understand that. I don't know where the hell I've been but I just watched The Hangover for the first time this week and promptly watched it again the next day. The baby is eternally cute and those guys are typical. I wouldn't have it any other way. BG wants to marry BC. I could definitely work with that scenario.

How ya'll doing? It's ladies night you know.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


I got to sleep in this morning for a bit which was a good thing in and of itself. It's a blessing that I was juiced up and ready for what came next. Following a mandatory squat and pee for the second month in a row (random, of course) I was counseled on my erratic behavior as of late. Always the horse who delivers 150 %, I was in question because I had slacked a little. Made some mistakes like everybody does on a bad hair day when the old people are falling and need help or something similar. I may be late to my own funeral, but by golly I show up rain or shine and give it my all. If I am fault for anything it is for not taking care of myself by setting boundaries. That's always been a weak point for the old Poopster. The sand may be shifting, but I can still draw a line.

BG made it back from her work to pick me up so I could meet my brother and chat with the grands about Plan B. There was minimal discussion with a lot of threats made by you know who but it is what it is. It's not like he can call the law and have us arrested for trying to ensure their safety. New girl is very professional and good at note taking so that's a win-win. Helps to fill in the gaps when home health comes to call once a week. Back in the day, home health agencies were a dime a dozen around here. The funding was there and it made much more sense to keep old folks at home than to wear their kids out running them back and forth to the doctor and hospital. That was before geriatrics became a game of milking Medicare. Thanks be to Big Ernie, my parents don't see one of those. This dude is a true hospice provider.

Other than that, it's still cold as a well digger's ass but looks a bit warmer for about a week. Then we head into the teens again. If Sugardaddy would just show up I could rent a room with a jacuzzi and eat bon bons. Hey..there's people that do that and not all of 'em are rich. I've often wondered what I would do with the rest of the lottery money after I ate everything I wanted and visited Belize. Oh, and bought some top shelf booze. There are lots of great heartwarming causes out there that operate locally cutting out the administrative costs of a national organization. Case in point, Dyer County Community Cancer Fund. Google it ya'll.

A blessed hump day to each and every one of you and all ya'lls mamas and them.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

what day is it anyway?

Since I'm not a schoolteacher I'm not actively looking for snowbird to make a visit because frankly, that messes with the fragile balance of getting to work and back to make a living to put gas in the car to get back to work again. That is my life these days, punctuated with visits to the doctor, hospital ER,pharmacy, church and everywhere else. In an 11 year old car with one hubcap, a missing driver's side door handle and no front passenger window. Oh..and an oxygen sensor that's going bad and eating the crap out of some gas. BG is set to start a job this evening 30 minutes from home (no spare) in wintry mix. Talk about a leap of faith! We're sitting right smack on our asses as a result of numerous leaps. My only comfort is in knowing that a good friend who has both our backs lives in the same town. She's on speed dial with him.

Pride has been obedient since the new fencing went up prior to crop planting last year. After a year of having the run of our place I figured he would be mad and try to bust out the remaining stretch of rusty barbed wire that's next to the house. Guess what? Last night was his time! I woke up early this morning to several phone calls and glanced outside only to find his orneriness wandering in the yard. He didn't go far and as soon as I fed him, he was easy to get up. But REALLY??? Caring for him gets me a slight cut on rent, but it's not worth it sometimes. Add to that the cost of living here and you've got a no win situation. Stuck? You betcha. I have considered various alternatives to the financial situation and see it as a manageable thing once there is another income. That's why I haven't jumped on the BK wagon just yet. gotta have $$ to file. Which I definitely don't have :) We ate last night thanks to BGs friend and my mom's cabinet. The friend barely has food for her kids so that means a lot in an of itself. Little miracles. They meet you where you are.

I made a run to the hospital this morning to visit my aunt granny and found her doing well, if a bit confused. After that it was down to the grands for allergy shot and head check. I was in the kitchen and my mom was telling me from the other room how to fix the fence. Daddy bared his arm for the shot that he probably doesn't need anymore, but is part of his ritual. It's warm and cozy in their house and a welcome relief from being in one room with space heaters. So is work, even! The car is sort of chilly because of the now window thing, but we're getting by so far. Sometimes, you just have to laugh to keep from crying. Know what I mean?

All happy thoughts appreciated ^j^

Monday, January 14, 2013

the evidence of things not seen

I was raised as a Christian by two very devoted Methodist parents who took me until I chose those beliefs as my own. My friends were almost 100% Christian as well, with only a few Jewish families living here. My friends were of many different denominations and we sometimes visited other churches and got a real shock compared to the rituals and liturgy of the UMC. First time I saw a guitar on stage for worship it was an event! It wasn't until I became a "heart" believer rather than a head one during my 30s that I began to see how Big Ernie had moved in my life all that time before. A Baptist friend shared with me once how she always wondered what "being saved" was like because she had never felt that. I can relate in many ways. Altar calls are a good way to get the sheep down front but a whole lot of it has to do with if you're really ready to believe. In what? That's a personal decision and using those beliefs to further a political agenda is not what J would do, in my opinion.

Faith has come to me not in big bolts but small doses of getting kicked down and refusing to stay there. My life compared to the rest of the world's population is about as blessed as you can find, even though I whine about the drama a lot. BG and I had a conversation today about PTS and as I cried she explained how the whole thing works in your brain and through therapy, which most returning Iraq and Afghanistan vets are not being offered. If they are, most of them can't afford to take time away from trying to make a living in our post war economy that's almost a depression but not quite yet. There are soup lines in every town now, and not just for the ones who didn't try to make it. All you can do is the best you can do.

My daughter reminded me of the fact that we have seen a miracle in our relationship that wouldn't have been possible without BE being all in the middle of it and listening to our prayers. Nay..knowing before we ask what is best. That's my philosophy on spirituality in a nutshell. God knows what you need without a request but it doesn't hurt to say thank you now and then. Forcing gratitude is a habit that pays off in many ways emotionally. It gives the believer a reason to keep trying in spit of astronomical odds. And that is faith, pure and simple. Everybody's got crosses to bear and struggles. Paying forward by helping out when the need arises is a no brainer. Miracles do happen.

It's about to be cold and icy here so I'm glad we got the Camry out of the asparagus bed yesterday. How did it get there you ask? Well..I was wheeling around the (empty) propane tank to park behind the house and slide right into the damn thing. A couple of guys pulled me out with a gator as one of them muttered about "fixing stupid". Note to self: don't drive on wet grass because there's a shitload of mud under there. Me and all the dogs snuggled together for warmth, just like the old days of a "three dog night".

I believe in the goodness of mankind and that has never failed me. I've been disappointed and shocked at reality sometimes but the hope always shines through lighting the way for me as I trudge on.

Keep the faith ^j^

Friday, January 11, 2013

losing control

This my third day without celexa and it shows. Not to mention that I'm broker than I've EVER been in my life ever. We have no food, just enough gas to get to work and back and try to stay busy. My salary is the only one that is consistent and it's not enough because of the huge hole I'm in. Robbing Peter to pay Paul and cashing in cans is a way of life. It's been a long hard road since the big money of the eighties. Funny thing is, most of the folks who had it then still have it plus more. Me? I'm sittin' here trying to figure our what to sell. If I didn't know that so many others have it so much worse, I'd be suicidal. Our friend got her electricity turned off yesterday after the landlord kicked out a family member for being a drunk. The (step) had it all cut off and she's going from church to agency trying to raise enough money to get lights back on along with the water. Two kids and her. There's a special place in hell for people like that.

We had a meet and greet with the newest member of our little "village" today and my brother and I were totally impressed with her professional attitude. Lots of experience and a very nice lady. She'll be working in tandem with Ms Faye, bless her heart, so maybe things will get a little less hectic. He took me to lunch and we watched a couple next to a corporate jet checking it out. No doubt that was theirs! It's Friday, fish day of course. Great white beans too. Then we meandered around delivering the pictures that I took for some old friends and taking in the view over the very top of the hill. It's breath taking in any season, but especially so now covered in a blanket of green wheat. The air is warm and breezy but the rain and cold are about to return with a vengeance.

The very thing about their situation is that they are trying desperately to control the ending of their lives and it doesn't work. If I knew I'd be gone tomorrow, I would just sit there and have a beer and enjoy life. I cannot tell you how many random trips I've made for everything from bandaids to shaving cream over the past 5 years. We found ourselves telling D about how we got from here to there and she knows the entire history of how we came to be and still are. It's a classic piece of American history if there ever was one. And I have tearfully begged my daughter to not let me do that to her. As long as I have a comfy place to crash and somebody to share chores, it's all good.

Other than that, I'm oblivious to what's in the news. I did hear that we don't get to file until Jan30th, I guess so they can hold onto our money a week longer. The economy has collapsed literally under our feet and the high rate of unemployment is an indicator that corporate America does not respect the citizens whose jobs have been outsourced. Buy local, ya'll. It's what the cool kids do.

Over and out from the lane ^j^

Thursday, January 10, 2013

doggie style

When I picked Oscar up at the shelter yesterday a young man brought him up front carrying him gently and transferring him to my arms. He was shaking like I've never seen before and didn't stop until we got in the Camry with him on the console. That's when I slipped the leash over his neck and began our mission to thank the people who saved him. Last I heard there was a lot of conversation about the story on both sides of the fence with the lady who allowed us to adopt him squarely on Oscar's side. Some other lady said that he should be weighed and whatnot to make sure he was eating properly. The guy told me straight up that he is a joy and looks happy and healthy. I mean gah..he sleeps in the bed with me! That gets kinda prickly when he's got the burrs all stuck in his coat. He slept for almost 12 hours after we got home.

My friend Kim lost her baby today to a speeding driver who didn't even stop to check things out. Makes you wonder about people who are capable of doing that. At least put 'em out of their misery if it's not over or say I'm sorry to his owner. I'm really beginning to find my inner child these days, and she's pretty pouty. More and more I feel invisible to those around me who are caught up in their own respective dramas. Most of them have nothing left to give to me but I sure do need it sometimes. There are two or three at the sawmill who are always there with a hug and to let me cry. The rest of them just think I'm nuts and pretend not to notice the red eyes and sniffles. It is what it is, and however Big Ernie sees fit to feed my soul, I'm down for it. I'm transitioning from two crazy pills to one so that's a factor also.

Speaking of what is, my parents are doing as well as can be expected in that situation. I've let go of it again, content to let BE guide the ship. The more I try to "fix" it, the worse things get. We are one stress test away from giving up the ghost on diagnostics other than a little blood draw now and then and a visit to the geriatric guy. We have leads on a couple of folks who might pick up a few hours in the afternoon. Financing for them separately, i.e. nursing home for her and home home for him are not there. Period. And it's not Obama's fault.

I continue to find friendship and peace through blogging and photography but rarely have the time to pursue those things. Life consists of keeping gas in the car to get us to work and back so that we can repeat the whole process. Lather.Rinse.Repeat. Ya'll think I need a vacation????? That my last one was a freebie on my mom when BG graduated college is a scary thought. Not even a dang long weekend! Vacation used to be something that was planned and dreamed for. I'll never forget the day out by that beach when I threw out a random song request to the "entertainment" and they actually manged to come up with "How Long" when I asked for a Robert Cray tune. Big and Little are headed for that area this June as a celebration for two hard years of cancer treatment. Love 'em to death. He's an English teacher/coach which is kind of a weird combo. She is Quaker and proud of her heritage. There are grandkids now and everybody goes on vacation when they do it up. We met at work over thirty years ago and have shared joys and sorrow, peaks and valleys all that time together.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


Today has been one of those where I saw my true colors displayed all over the place. The manager of our municipal golf course stopped by yesterday after dark to tell me that some guy (knew his name) had been enjoying a cheap day of play on them and scooped up Oscar for a ride to the shelter. No tag, you're busted. This dog rides on the console between me and BG to the sawmill at 6AM in the cold with collision film whistling in my ear. They were closed by then, but we had a lead thanks to the trustee who saw the whole deal go down over by the cart shop. Needless to say, I was on the horn this morning promptly at 10 to inquire about said missing cute as hell dog. He reminds me of my daddy in a way...all furry and resisting comfort care. We adopted Oscar after he was abused by someone in the neighborhood who was carving out flesh from his back. The local humane society paid the vet bills to send him up to our house where he has it effin' made in the shade.

We stopped by the pro shop on the way home to tell Bobby thanks and the guy on duty said he was at the dog pound. Oscar was on a pink leash meaning he was not real happy about being led around but was enjoying the attention. The guy on duty had a nice I Phone and dialed him up real quick like only to find that he was in the lot at the "pound" about to go in and bail his buddy out. Dude gave me the phone and we talked about the whole ordeal while Oscar sniffed around and learned not to run so wild. That is exactly what gets your doggy ass in jail. He told me that Oscar helps the course out by keeping squirrels in the tree and moles dug up and killed. And then? He offered to give me back the seventeen bucks I spent on bail. That is a dog lover for sure. Said he had lost one recently like us. I'm thinking maybe I can get him a bath on the city's dime.

At this moment he's resting up from his latest adventure on my not so clean bed. Maybe between now and nighty night we can fix that. Two days off...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

stafford fit

I think opposites do indeed attract and that's why if you are, say..very OCD, you usually end up with a few just like yourself when it comes to task oriented things but also a handful of laid back gals like myself who can shoot the shit and let the organizers put the details together. Tit for tat. In case you're not well acquainted with the Poopster, I am the opposite of OCD in a wandering piddly sort of way. Nothing ever LOOKS organized in my house but there are piles and I'm going through them steadily. It's like I'm preparing to move and only want to keep what's really meaningful. That's what is so cool about living in the country. I can light a fire anytime the wind and ground conditions are right and it's legal. Including couches!! I've danced around several in the moonlight out front of the barn. Horses thought I was nuts.

That fire pile has been the site of many a party, most involving tailgates and lawn chairs and coolers. It is a rite of for teenagers and I was here for them while they learned limits and firmed up boundaries. Or not. At least I knew who was where and that everybody was okay. Sounds crazy I know, but they all look to me not as party mom but friend. As Martha would say "it's a GOOD thing" to have people of the next generation who think you're special. They will be my keepers as I age.

Daddy's new doc is (of course) middle eastern and we had met at work and when mom had her little spells. He came here from New York and asked when he landed in our 'burg what there is to do for entertainment. Uh. Sorry dude. All we have is a few beer joints and a Moose lodge. I about choked when I read about the Indian guy who was poisoned the day AFTER his lottery check was cut. Oh my! Sounds like a murder mystery in the works. Meanwhile, the president is doing some serious soul searching about who needs to lead us through the rest of his term and onto something that resembles peace. You see? Here's the thing I don't get. There are so many lesbian and gay members of both parties, yet the dems embrace it and the others just pass judgement on other people for their beliefs concerning family planning decisions. As long as I live I will never forgive the GOP and Susan Komen foundation for using strictly personal religious beliefs to affect funding for those who attempt to take care of themselves. Hey, you gotta start somewhere.

I ran into a friend today who is dealing with the same scenario parent wise only it's just him and he looked mighty weary. We talked in the hallway as he prepared to look at the options and make decisions with them. I found myself telling him what I embraced so fully back in the day...nay 15 years ago when I first became fascinated with hospice. My favorite Christmas ever was the one that I got some hard back clinical books on the subject! Mama thought I had lost it. EK Ross had me from hello. I wrote her a letter when I finally read The Circle of Life and found a few months later that she had died before reading it. Hopefully someone else did. Our stories are what makes up the heart and soul of being human and if not kept alive by the current generation will be lost forever.

Sammy and I are huddled up in our little cave staying warm together. A friend remarked the other day that he didn't know what Sam would do if one day I didn't show up because he starts pacing about 1:15 wanting his mommy. It's such a treat to drive up after a day at the sawmill and see three smiling faces. (notice i didn't say five cuz the horse don't grin and neither does the cat). Usually Pride turns his backside to me while I'm washing dishes. What an ass.

Never mind about's not even hump day yet ^j^

Monday, January 7, 2013

no words

That's a pretty unusual way to find me but that's about the size of it right now. I'm totally disgusted with politics in general and the way government keeps heaping things on top of the middle class to carry the bulk of the load. In 1973, I began college and looked forward to the American dream. Healthcare was considered a promising field at the time, long before the baby boomers started into their golden years. My last raise was more than the 1% that preceded it and was helpful until health insurance premiums went up and the payroll tax cut expired. Now I'm right back where I was this time last year, limping along trying to survive on what should be a fat salary. Some of that is my fault, because I didn't save in the 80's when the money was good. I spent like a crazy woman during that time and never thought twice about an IRA or TSA. When I finally did put my toe in the water of the stock market and gained a little interest, I got divorced and used it to live on. 30% interest? Yes, ya'll I know. But the bottom line is, you do what must be done to survive. I watched The Hunger Games over the weekend and was just mesmerized at how the human comes out in people when it's do or die time.

A longer than usual day included transfer of barn wood to my co-worker's car and a staff meeting plus a few tears with BG over the state of our finances. She begins a new job soon and will be in real life for the first time with her new attitude. It makes a world of difference, and I am so proud of how far she has come as a friend and mentor to others through her own healing. Group therapy is something that I never did choosing instead to pay some poor unsuspecting adviser to listen to my drivel. In a way, though, we practice this at home now which is good. Nothing is not fair game on the table for discussion. We've never fought much anyway. She would just slam the door in my face and hibernate!!

Daddy (finally) is going to see the heart doctor tomorrow so he'll probably start calling me about 8 to make sure it's on. I told him the doc would probably want to do a stress test like mama had and it wasn't bad, right Mom? No big deal, she said. We have already avoided by the skin of our teeth two cardiac events with her involving CHF but she gently avoided the subject of a cath. At that age, any type of co-morbidity can take you down when the blood thinners are flowing. When she asked me yes or no, I had to be honest and say no based on the do no harm principles that are dear to me. You gotta die somehow, I just prefer for it not to be at the hands of an overpaid specialist. This is how old I am...I remember when there was a pathologist in the house doing autopsies and bone marrows. There were no "megagroups" nor with radiology and the patient got one bill from the facility itself. Now when you go to a hospital you get a bill from every single provider that you might not even know served you. It's the American way, right Frist?

That just reminded me of my old crush Spike..the one who was all that in high school but I liked him just because he was kind. We have remained friends through the years and he married late in life, waiting for just the right one. His father is my co-worker and his mom still picks MINE up for bridge. Do I hear an amen? I know all the rest of the fam too in the way that I can pick up the phone to call. Bless his heart, I thought he was gonna have the big one when I defaulted on my TSA loan. That one caught up with me, by the way. Took a year to pay it off.

Mama told me yesterday that I do everything in a hurry. That got me to thinking about the difference in our paces because we are reversing roles..slowing down for her. I'm just steady looking at what's in front of me as the next task or chore looms. and you know what? I wish it were different.


Sunday, January 6, 2013

snowdrops and crocus

I'm a big pussy when it comes to the summer heat and every year I try to remind myself that warmer times will come...too much so, with humidity. It's just a reality of southern living that necessitates lots of allergy meds and central air if you can afford it. Otherwise, you're shit out of luck. We are in a temperate growth zone where the planting season starts in late Aprilish and doesn't end until November. Sometime in the next few weeks I expect to see the early bloomers, bulbs carefully planted years ago with faith that they come back. And they do! They are planted next to a flowering quince that starts up in February. A quick walk of the yard today was brisk and enough to know that it's not showtime yet.

Eggs and whatnot was a lovely affair as usual. It took them a while to figure out booth or table so we ended up crammed into a booth with her fussing because she needs to be on the outside. And that would be why? We freaked some poor gal out at the Dairy Queen trying to figure out what the flavors of Dilly Bars are.'s all vanilla just with different coatings. As we drove away she declared that she wants heath coating next time. Oh.My.God. Somebody shoot me now. Daddy has a cardio appointment this week which will most certainly include a stress test to see how much damage was done to his heart when he had the big fall. Not too sure that will happen, but you can only do so much when someone is competent to make their own decisions. My daughter knows without a doubt what kind of odds I consider to be reasonable and would act accordingly as my advocate. That's pretty huge. My parents are DPAs for each other with myself as secondary to both. That means that they've got to make up their own minds what's up.

I just got a pop update about protecting an Android device which I don't even have, but thank you anyway Avast. I've still got an old school slider that has tiny letters to punch manually. Hey it was a freebie two years ago. I'm seriously considering not to get a free IPhone upgrade just because it's more than what I need. Reckon that's why there's chocolate and vanilla. I haven't "looked" at the news today because it's all bad. Many years ago my brother and his wife were beat reporters for local news channels and they have spent their recent lives telling happy and inspiring stories. "If it bleeds it leads" doesn't happen in their little valley. I'm in the framing biz here for three prints of an old house that will probably be moved one more time for posterity. And for me? That would be a miracle.


Saturday, January 5, 2013

worship and war

I haven't attended a church service in years unless you count funerals, and if so I'm about 80% "compliant". My oldest childhood friend is an undertaker so we learned early on that Big Ernie can be anywhere two or more are gathered. She has braved years of tromping around in black pantyhose sweating her cute little butt off going from one cemetery or in the July heat. My point is simply this..that I am a believer in a loving god who doesn't punish and always forgives. I found myself in tears earlier as I listened to my favorite version of Hallelujah and thanking BE for the healing that has taken place in our lives over the past few months. With both of us "talking to somebody" as my mama would say, we are learning to truly listen and not react so quickly to our respective issues. She was talking about how old she is the other day and I told her I'm proud that she did the work earlier in life than I did. Lord, ya'll. I thought I was freaking nuts!!

I just read a rebuttal to Michael Moore's piece about supporting the troops and I must say the author totally didn't get it. I have as much respect for our service people as anybody you'll ever see, which is why I hate to see them slaughtered over oil. We love ya'll and appreciate all that you do. That's why we want you here in America keeping US safe rather than guarding access to petroleum. Many lives have been changed by your compassion and skills and it's time to share that with your homies. Hey..if ya'll don't do it, who will? I can grow food but can't defend myself. If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself in the eye like Ralphie.

As for the media, shame on ALL of ya'll for sensationalizing the political polarization that is gripping this country. Paul Krugman? You are my hero. Reading your words and those of other sensible writers gives me inspiration to keep going when every idiot right winger that I know is ready to step on my last nerve. As for you Mr. Evil, Big Ernie knows your heart and everybody else's up in DC so ya'll best think about the sheep and goats thing now and then.

I watched a particularly violent movie the other day and my thoughts wandered to what effect that type of programming has on folks who have mental disorders where they can't tell what's real and what's not. Many a shooter has spent hours on end playing life like video games where killing is a sport. Strictly my amateur psychological opinion. As for the guns, I still believe that if you own you must register. No automatic weapons for sport or personal use. Keep it reasonable and your rights won't be "stomped" on. The hysteria that surrounds the entire issue right now is driven by media and politics.

Brother just delivered some hay for the horse so he won't starve after all. It's a good smell to open the basement door and have that scent hit you in the face! He is happily chomping on it as I type. There's also a bag of sweet feed...two cups a day plus a square of hay and he's good to go. Gotta earn my rental assistance, ya know.

Peace ^j^

Friday, January 4, 2013


I distinctly remember the first time a minister managed to help me understand that it's not over after December 25th. Hearing that the wise guys took the long way to visit and arrived late, I could totally relate because that's how I live life. I can make lists all day long and bullet point the hell out of details but I'm not much on following through. I suppose it's the idealist in me. Life is so much hustle and bustle and noise that sometimes it's hard to find just a quiet moment to reflect on blessings. There's so much background noise at the sawmill I'd love to have some nice headphones. That way I couldn't hear the phone ring. I can see us now, me and all the lab peeps, doing a flash mob and totally getting away with it. Sometimes, that's what it takes to shake things up.

The thermostat has crept up to 60 and there's warmer weather coming so that's all good. We honestly tripped a breaker last night using an electric skillet to grill turkey sammiches with the heaters running. You can't make this shit up, ya'll. BG does have a paying gig now with money going straight into our mutual pool so that's a HUGE blessing. There's still the three people two car thing but I'm thinking it'll all work out. I mean, what choice do we have??? The grands are hanging in with Ms. Faye the angel and the rest of our village as couriers. James Frank lives right across the road from them and gets to take daddy to the dollar store and or pharmacy on a whim. Yep..he's the one that took him by boat for a doctor's appointment during the big one.

It's been too cold to break down barnwood but I see that changing which will give me an opportunity to broaden the asparagus bed a bit while I'm out. Poor crowns are all scrunched up in a ten foot space and not thriving. Kinda like myself. Happy weekend! Time to call my wait, the news is on. Maybe later ^j^

Thursday, January 3, 2013

flying high

The hunt is on for somebody with a square baler willing to work with me on this straw thing. So far I've got two names from the hay guy who only does round ones. I stood in my kitchen one day and watched that sucker jump and roll when his tractor went up in flames over by the golf course. My back view is like rural Americana and city government all rolled into one with the airport and golf course hiding right across the wheat field. Needless to say when the military choppers land over there it's loud as heck. One of my favorite pastimes is watching the personal planes with student or recreational pilots glide right down to the runway. The sky is clear and open on that side of the house, not obstructed by the trees of Pecan Lane.

Many of the ancient trees that line our lane are around a hundred years old, no doubt planted when the farm and orchard were established. Breeding stock were sold out of the giant haunted barn that now houses tractors. My house was built around 1918 as a residence for the foreman and his family. That's why there's a tiny little porch off the dining you can just step right out and holla! Right now said door is blocked with a mattress to keep the wind out. I'm beginning to understand cabin fever a bit better being confined to two rooms by the weather. I'm thinking that this spring will be the one where I get off my happy ass and accomplish something for myself, even if it's just growing my own food. It's just stupid not to.

Work is work and I'm just staying in the zone where I usually reside, wandering around to see what needs doing. I read today about "cross training" of techs being a big deal in some places which is something I've never considered as a generalist. We barely had phlebotomists when I started, and they also did EKGs. We heated the tests in tubes with chemicals in boiling water and read the colors on a spectrophotometer. Yeah...that's how old I am. It's mostly automated now and thank the lort for that. This old gal is wayyyyy past taking call and cooking creatinines. I remember my supervisor at my first (and only) job trying to get me to insert an NG tube for a gastric acid test. That, my friend, wasn't covered in my class and I said hell to the no.

One of my friends that I smooth did not include in the end of my year rambling is Phyllis or, as I like to call her, you "harpie." We met and bonded immediately when Dubya was all that and dogged him until he left. Her blog was a rowdy satirical look at Washington politics at that time, and the wives of some of these great and wonderful players in the GOP, she called harpies. Her husband died a few years after that and she's now happily remarried and still a smartass. As a writer, a woman and a friend...she has taught me a lot.

So, if any of ya'll got a square baler hook me up, umkay?

Peace out ^j^

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

survey says!

I tend to be on the liberal side (shut UP) but I do read moderate pieces of journalism and even some mildly conservative stuff just to get a feel for what's out there. Though I like HuffPost, I get information from other sources just to make sure they're telling it straight. And usually? They are. Every headline and piece that I read today from every outlet talked about how pissy this whole fiscal cliff deal is and how we are especially mad because the evil one didn't allow a vote on aid for Sandy victims. Said they could wait a month now that they had "caved" to the Dems. That made him unpopular with his own people who are from states that were ravaged by that storm and with pretty much everybody else in America. I mean, puleeeez. For a minute there I thought I was seeing Dubya getting off the plane in New Orleans to survey Katrina two days after it happened. Last I saw, and this was early in the day, his orneriness was about 80% down in polls. Time to look for a second career dude. Maybe Mittens can hook you up with a holding company CEO position.

One of the upside treats of no cable is that when we watch something there is an actual ceasing of activity because it's a movie and there's a plot. BG found a copy of the Expendables in her dusty corner and we watched it in awe at all the bad boys together in one single adventure story. There was a lot of violence, but in that vocation it's a way of life. You can only watch so many chick flicks, even if you're a girl. There are several that we know by heart like Bridesmaids and Sunshine Cleaning, Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias. And then there's that trusty season 7 of Weeds. A contractor came by today to replace the missing window in our bathroom because it's DAMN cold in there with only one pane. I tend to get up to pee several times during the night like old ladies do, and that seat is like ice when my butt hits it. One of my favorite quotes from mama is "One day you'll look back at this and laugh." Perhaps.

Ya'll all know what malaria is right? I learned today that the drug resistant strain of that parasite is running rampant in Asia. The doctor who set up practice in that area of the world back during the eighties saw the disease go from one that was easily treated to one that has mutated to where current pharm therapy is beginning to fail. His biggest fear is that this resistant sucker might reach Africa where healthcare is so minimal that it would be a major WHO event. Sometimes I wish I didn't know what I know about science.

Is it Friday yet? Keep the faith ^j^


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

baby new year

My KY cousin and I were so into drama that one year we dressed my baby brother of about 2, in a diaper for the New Year's celebration. Her younger sister was the same age, and normally ended up with dixie cups on her little head. They are seven years younger than me but that bond will always be. Same thing with KY cousin and WA cousin. There are only so many that lived it with you and ya'll better hang on for dear life. Same thing goes for friends. I gave up the notion of "bestie" a long time ago when I realized that true friends come in and out of your life for intense periods, but they are always there if you need 'em. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've shown up at the graveyard just because I had a history with somebody.

Work was busy today because well, you know. It's a "holiday". Instead of black eyed peas and hog jowl, we had pizza thanks to Marmie. It's been one of those days that looks like 6AM from dawn til dark with a thick layer of fog to boot. I'm just thankful not to be driving somewhere else in the trusty old Camry with collision wrap and one hubcap. I guess it would be less obvious if I'd just pull that last one off! BG has a career opportunity that's gonna require some real scheduling of one vehicle for two jobs. I was fretting over how that would all play out and she told me quite plainly that if Big Ernie didn't intend for it to happen, in spite of the obstacles, he would not have put it out there. Okay, then.

My organic farming friend came by yesterday and we plotted ways to salvage and garden with the wheat straw that will be left here. Gotta find a square baler and somebody willing to work with me on the timing. It could be a major thing, ya know. We shall see. I do know that hell will freeze over before I pay 4.50 a bale "wholesale" from the guy at the feed store. Dude got himself mentioned in Southern Living and has been all about the money since then.

All's well with the dogs I suppose. Ryder is looking out the window while Sam and Oscar do variations of that pose with feet straight up in the air. I looked back through this year's pictures today and ran across one of Faith when she first got sick. Even then, she looked sad. She had some good days after that..and got to spend them with her posse and get lots of loving. Sam is still a bit depressed because even though he's gay, she was his road dog.

I woke up to three texts this morning from folks who thought about me at midnight but knew better than to call. Bless all ya'lls hearts for knowing that I go to bed before dark.

This year?