mask shaming

Tucker Carlson is leading the charge on that one.  But at a more local level, since Governor Lee has lifted the mandate for TN ( except for Shelby County which does their own thing)  people feel emboldened to ask those of us who still mask up why?  None of your business.  It's a free country and just because I don't HAVE to wear one doesn't mean I won't.  I've never worn it because I had to by law, only because I've worked in infectious disease for decades and know how things roll. Viruses mutate and turn into variations that can't just be covered by something that was invented before that mutation happened.  The variants are rampant in some states, and TN is in of a handful of states that are right behind California.  You don't "trust" the shots?  Think about the spread of a global pandemic.  A big problem is with those who have the first one and don't follow up with #2.  It's a process y'all.

I watched on TV today as WMC News 5 did a one hour special with three medical experts who took questions from twitter and livestream users.  I already knew the answers to most of the questions but it was astounding at how little the average joe understands about the whole deal.  The CMO of Methodist Healthcare reminded everybody about the ability of local hospitals to weather the storm during the first wave.  It was NOT pretty.  Nobody had respirators or ICU beds.  Healthcare providers burned themselves out trying to save lives.  I'm sure many of them left the field just because of that.  Kind of like 9/11.  We are ill prepared for emergency responses like those.  And our enemies know it.  We can't make up for 2020.  But we can strive to do better.  

Namaste ~

onward

Gay got me hooked on chile lime harvest snacks so it's all her fault that neither Kroger nor Walmart has them.  Just saying.  I found them on Amazon today which is what I spent the remainder of my gift card on.....twelve freaking bags!  Lord, I can't wait.  And thank you sweetbabyjesus to Susan and Alan.  I have used it wisely!

I got a note from a church friend yesterday and it really made me stop and pause.  They know what all I'm facing..heck I'm back on the prayer list.  I haven't been in the building since Palm Sunday and nobody but a few close ones know what's been going on.  That's all that matters.  I'm in their hearts and prayers.  Never fear! I'll be back and if you're sittin' in my pew I'll pull a Janice on you.

I have a personal dilemma which may sound trivial but to me it's real.  I have Daddy's funeral flag all in a nice triangular box  with only the stars showing.  I can't help but think that he would love to see that flag on a pole outside this house waving in the breeze.  He always had one and let it up and down daily.  I wouldn't go to that extreme but......

My girls are good and so is paradise.  We all take it one day at a time and enjoy the little things along the way.  Nobody is promised tomorrow.  The daughter of some friends of mine have been in the hospital for six months for a heart transplant and they are on go to come home tomorrow.  Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

Love ya....mean it ^j^

boundaries

We often think of that word in relationship to limits like state divisions etc.  You cross this line, the laws are different.  You trespass on my land, you're in trouble with the law.  That's one perception of the word.

Then there are personal boundaries which can be mighty hard to set.  We all know the ones who will be unable to set them and suffer at the hands of others.  It's a constant battle for me because I always want to "help."  What a good little codependent!  However,  I have come to the point where I'm not going to beat around the bush about anything.  I tell it straight if the lines of communication are open.  I have found that sharing myself with others lessens the burden for me.  

There is a set of phrases that are pretty much summed up by "I told you!"  This kind of passive aggressive behavior makes me feel like I'm five years old.  My Daddy did it and so does my brother.  With each boundary I set, I feel a bit more peace.  I have a lot of friends and they treat me in a lot of different ways.  When somebody worries about me, that's on them.  I'm okay and I've got you on speed dial.  When somebody calls or shows up out of the blue just to see my face, I'm delighted.  That means there's no agenda, I'm just loved.  

In a sense I understand why women stay in abusive relationships.  Mine have never been that way though.  If I sense a bit of toxicity, you're history.  Life is too short .  There is a beast facing all of us, and for each human it is different.  It consists of the trauma and pain that we lived through.  I'm about to meet mine face to face in therapy.  This should be fun, ya know!  I'm looking forward to it actually.  You can't beat therapy in your jammies.  

If I make a promise, I intend to keep it through thick and thing.  If a loved one NEEDS me, I expect them to call or text.  I'm not a mind reader.  I have watched zero TV since I've been here but today I've got OITNB season 7 going while I clean and organize.  

Y'all be faithful ^j^

cart before the horse

When I got in the car this morning I got a low beam error and when I looked, sure enough, it wasn't on.  I went on to work and trying to be a "responsible adult" called a couple of parts places for prices and picked one up on the way to Lake Road Amoco for installation.  Brian had to go deliver a car so I waited 'til he came back and guess what.  After he fiddled with it it came on.  And, of course, I didn't get a receipt at O'Reillys.  Duh.  At least I have one when I need it.  

I've tried real hard not to be a weenie about this colostomy but it's  about to get on my last nerve.  The clip slides off at the most inopportune moments making a big poopie mess.  It's happened twice this week.  I still have lots of hoops to jump through before I can have the reversal, though.  One day at a time girl.  

Little by little I'm sorting through stuff and downsizing.  I'm used to having two closets so my one is packed to the gills.  I got some totes at the 'gentral today for storage of winter stuff if it ever ends.  What I really need is a free standing clothes rack to hide behind the bedroom door.  That's on my to get list along with a hose caddy for my 100 foot long thing.  I get my exercise hauling that thing around watering.  One of the critters (most likely Oscar) is digging up what I plant by the back porch so I'm having a lot of replanting.  

The field next to my yard is the official parking spot for all the farming equipment so I get an up close and personal view of all the comings and goings which is a lot right now.  It's kind of amazing how they tag team to get it all delivered with a ride back.  There's rain coming tonight so they're trying to beat it.  Oscar isn't used to all the activity so he barks his head off at everybody who goes by.  I'm so thankful Ellie has a good home because she would have for sure been run over by now.  

Y'all enjoy the weekend even if you are working.  At least corporate isn't all up in your face then!  To all of my fellow lab peeps....Happy Lab Week!  I've loved seeing pictures from all over the world for the celebration of lab techs.  

Weirdmaste ^j^

justice

I was surprised at how quickly the Chauvin jury delivered a verdict and rather hopeful at the same time that he would be found guilty.  On all three charges.  End of story, hopefully.  I feel empowered that a jury of people who didn't ASK for that job stood up and said enough with the rough stuff.  You know who has shown no emotion throughout the entire trial until today and he looked like a deer in the headlights.

It's 4.20 and I feel like sharing the love.  There are a lot of things that have gotten me through the hard times., many of them on Netflix.  Weeds was my virgin journey on binge watching and that was like wayyyy after it became available on Showtime.  Lauren once told me "Mom....it can't come on EVERY day."  That is one of the addictive things about a good series.  Ozark.  Breaking Bad.  On and on.  

As for me I'm preparing to be blessed by the fruit in a couple of weeks if Hulu doesn't screw that up.  I already signed up and canceled Hulu Live after watching the NBC buffering.  Must be a major network vs streaming war.  

My babies are reuniting as we speak and that gives me peace.  We are at a turning point in our lives and I respect that.  To me, it's all about Reaves.  She even kind of looks like me ;)

We had a joyful day at Headlines today as usual.  I got inspired enough by seeing Nina do a manicure today that I've booked one for myself next week.  We'll do before and after pictures *wink.  It got cold on us last night but thankfully not the hard freeze that was expected.  There's a lot of little growing things out there that will be happy to see 80 degrees on Monday.

Peace ^j^

sidebar

My hero of the day is the judge who called a break from the hours long testimony of the defense in the Chauvin trial.  I have followed that situation since it happened because it seemed as if I lost something there too.  After watching the other side today I came out understanding how crowd control can distort things for first responders.  I've seen all the video here there upwards and sideways.  The simple truth is that a man died because his breathing was stopped by a knee.  Doesn't matter if he was on fentanyl or had a 75% blocked LAD.  

Here's the thing.  We are all so caught up in racial profiling that it's making it difficult for law enforcement to do their jobs serving both the rule of law and their own personal issues.  For many cops that means a snap when you've seen it too much.  Those first two were rookies on a training mission and then he had to intervene.  That's when the shit hit the fan.  Everybody is blaming everyone else for not doing their job "right".  A man who was probably going to die soon anyway with his lifestyle had the breath snuffed out of him with a hold that may or may not be in line with police training policy.  It made me sick and also made me miss Brandi on Kelly's show.  I don't know what is up with Hulu and NBC but they need to work it out.  Don't mess with out shows y'all.

I see both sides of most every issue or situation.  It may take me a while to get there but, you know.  It's a process.  The only time I've ever paid a lawyer was for my divorce.  The rest of the time, I have folks who will advise off the record, so to speak.  I have served jury duty multiple times and never got picked thank you sweetbabyjesus.  The last one was an easy out since I worked with the defendants.  I still had to sit there all day to be able to leave.  

The spirit is moving and I feel it.  That's always a good thing ^j^

in my daughter's eyes

I had a playdate with Reaves today and explored her backyard park.  It has a slide and a treehouse and all the fixins'.  Every single time she said "one more time" we did it again.  She has these big letters that fit together and her genius self knows which one goes with what shape so we put a few of those together.  Then she used them as stepping stones back to the slide.  I felt the joy, once again, of being a baby who knows that people love and care for her.  She even slept in her own bed last night!

As for the rest of the day, I'm chilling.  I've planted all ima'gonna' do and waiting for rain.  I'm discovering things that I didn't realize were still here like a stray peony and lilys of the valley. This will be where I spend the rest of my life so I'm determined to plant ahead.  Lowe's. Stanfields. Penningtons.  Thank you for your service!

I am determined to put some added value into this place I call home now.  It's clean (mostly except for piles of pictures) and I feel like this is where I needed to be.  I mean gah....I watched them work on it for three years.  I haven't ventured to the attic yet because that involves moving a board but I'll get there.  Baby steps.

Enjoy your day of rest, however you choose to spend it ^j^

AR

Those of you who know my heart will recognize that the latest mass murder by a disgruntled employee is because of the availability of repeating weapons to pissed off people.  And why the eff do they have to slaughter all those innocents before they kill themselves?  The right blames Biden because it resumed after Covid.  People were back to work and crazy over the whole thing.  Was there a time when I wanted to slap my boss?  Hell yeah.  But never a massacre like the ones we've been seeing. My theory is that the NRA sat back and raked in the money during the last year of Trump's administration.  Now they're out full force, armed and dangerous.

The problem is not the guns because, you know, guns don't kill people.  People do.  And crazy people have a lot of ways to take out their pain on others.  I do believe that all lives matter but somewhere along the line we have to stop the racial profiling thing and step up to the plate on gun reform.

I had an intake with my therapist today and I'm looking forward to digging through all the drama that got me from there to here.  And actually out of the blue I had my first bowel movement outside of the bag today 16 months later,  I don't think that's normal but it sure did feel good..The nurse said I would "pass mucous" and as long as it's not bloody, all is well.  That's a work in progress.  Don't stop believing ^j^

the boy, his bike and the dog

I left my phone at home so me and Joy had to go for a ride to get it.  As we were leaving we passed an un unleashed dog making trouble with one who was being led by his elderly owner.  We slowed down so that they could separate and resolve the canine dispute.  On my way home, I got behind a kid...about seven or eight...on a bike with his dog following.  This guy kept looking behind him to make sure his buddy was keeping up.  I came to a dead stop and watching whiz kid cycle up that smell hill and pull over for me.  That was the first real smile I had today.  Well, except for watching Kelly.  I love her and Pilot Pen and her band and the whole deal including Kellyoke.  I like how she reacts with guests and knows their stories.   

I saw my favorite FNP for the last time today and will be turned over to her preceptor who is uh....kind of old but nice.  I've seen him when she was off and he's a character like in one of those medical shows.  Reminds me a bit of Dr. House.  This should be fun!  I also tackled BC/BS (for the thousandth time) regarding my misfortune with their company and the ACA In January 2020 which we shall forevermore call "the big one."  

To whomever dropped this tabby tom out here, I will haunt you from the grave.  It's a full time job keeping him outside. Oscar is not quite himself.  He still wags his tail but doesn't eat anything except people food and won't go outside.  Normally he follows me every step but he just kind of walks the other way now.  I will kick a mofo's ass for hurting my boy.  Just sayin'  I feel the same way about my kids.  I heard about a three year old being killed by gunshot in Nashville and immediately Reaves came to mind.  I miss dat' baby.

Y'all be grateful and look for the little joys like a boy on a bike with his dog.  Hugs ^j^

who am i?

Most of us identify with the many roles that we play.  I have been, in my day all of the following plus a bunch more.  First there was country girl daughter and sister.  I had extended family on both sides of my parents' heritage but most of them are gone now save for one aunt and a few cousins.  I don't remember much about the being a mother part because I was taking call and busting my ass as a medical professional.  Had it not been for my parents, I would have been screwed...I look back now and regret that I didn't spend more family time with Lauren because of that job.  It paid well  and was quite interesting but I missed a lot with my only child.

Once upon a time I was a wife and that's something that ended badly but gave me a new life and ended up with him finding something better.  He helped a lot of people struggling with addiction before he died.  I think I was a pretty good wife, though codependent to the gills.  We managed to get Lauren to adulthood together.  He was never abusive.  It was a marriage of convenience.

I am a friend and mentor to many, including a lot of Lauren's buddies.  I was the "cool mom" who took time to listen to them with their own mamas were too busy or overworked.  I let them gather at the house in their late teens and early twenties and nobody got hurt.  There were a lot of parties by the light of the moon and the fire out in front of the barn.  Once I even rescued her boyfriend who was trapped under a utility pole trying to cut firewood. Thank goodness for cell phones.  

I was raised in the Christian faith and remain steadfast, doing what I can to be my best self to others.  It takes about all I've got to care for ME so I don't volunteer much but I never get over the magic of a service in that old building at Main and McGaughey.  

I feel bad for those who are still working at my age because had I not taken early retirement, I would never have made it.  In fact, I almost didn't in spite of being retired.  I began sitting with folks to supplement my income and had a life threatening emergency surgery within a year.  Everybody thought I was gonna' die.  Do NOT ignore diverticulitis.  It's a killer.  

I've always been good at writing and public speaking, not a shy bone in my body.  I'm not very organized, though I try.  I procrastinate a lot.  Lauren thinks I have ADHD which would be just another diagnosis on my chart.  I could sure use a pill for that.

Honest to God, I don't know who I am.  If I'm lucky I have ten or fifteen good years, Lord willing.  I wouldn't redo any of it because it made me who I am.  Which is why I'm going back into therapy.

Love ya' like chicken.

it got up and went

I moved into this cabin during a horrid snow and ice storm and February after the water froze at the other place.  Fortunately I had most of my furniture already here.  Since then I've been going back and forth up that hill to retrieve "history among junk."  When my parents died, I was deemed the keeper of no less than 50 boxes and or albums detailing their lives.  I have my mom's wedding dress and girl scout uniform if that gives you an idea of the scope.  Plus, all my stuff.  I had two closets up there and all the clothes smelled like mold from the basement so they have been hauled and lay in a pile as big as the Smokies waiting to be washed and sorted through.  This morning I did what I could with the picture albums and boxes but to be honest, my get up and go is gone.

Whatever is left there is not meant for me to have.  I will sort through what I have and make another run tomorrow but I'm over it.  Y'all remember who you are.  Always ^j^

the blogess

I have followed Jenny Lawson since she became a blogger years ago.  From that, she has published several books, one of which I ordered today....fresh off the press. Devoted bloggers are folks who have a book in there somewhere and don't know how to tie it all together.  The publishing world can be tough.  I'm pretty stubborn myself so I've decided if I don't do this book thing now, it will simply be an unaddressed bucket list issue when I get cremated.  I don't want that to happen.  I will change the names to protect the innocent and so I don't get sued.  I have plenty of material to work with and it's do or die time.  Maybe I'll be done with the first draft before I get my gut reversed.  It's been over a year and ummm...

We watched a Kelly rerun today and then headed out to buy some flowers.  I can't help it y'all.  I'm addicted.  They are all getting a good shower right now even though they're not planted.  Hopefully the hail didn't beat 'em to death.  

My old house is empty now except for old pictures.  I have a Monday deadline to get shit out before it goes in the dumpster.  I am so over all that I could die.  I have a pile of moldy clothes in my kitchen floor to sort and wash and a whole hamper full of plastic hangers.  Somebody will be blessed with what I cull through.   And no more mold!

Happy Friday kids.  Keep the faith ^j^

no offense

 I have become pretty thick skinned in my old age and it serves me well.  I am not easily offended even when I think the other folks are crazy as bat shit.  Everyone has an opinion and there is no right or wrong.  We can agree to disagree and leave it at that.  I am reminded of this every time a Trumpster throws out something about "my president" as an insult.  I have educated myself enough to know what my values are.  Reading Al Franken's book has given me a lot of insight into how we got from there to here.  I remember when Clinton and Gore came to little old D'burg and I took Lauren.  I don't know if she remembers it but I sure do.  

I miss my girls, but this too shall pass.  I'm proud of the whole tribe for sticking together and having her back.  Every day is a new opportunity to find joy and peace where you are.  Can you tell I've been reading a motivational book?  Bet yer' sweet ass.  

Y'all get out there and dig some dirt.  I about killed myself raking sand out of a corner for a flower bed.  To be continued....

Keep the faith ^j^

resurrection

I know it's Easter, but I didn't attend church in person.  Instead I hauled mulch and dirt for the flower beds.  Magically, Bubba showed up to help me load it.  I love it when that happens.  I did good with the dirt but that mulch was too much for one old girl.  I did go to the church parking lot to get pictures of the flowering cross  and the Easter people so technically I was there.  Plus I watched online after that.  Mary Beth knows how to weave a sermon together in such a way that we are hearing all different accounts of what really happened.  All the disciples abandoned, and even denied knowing Him.  It wasn't until they were on the road to Emmaus that he popped up and said " Hey y'all, I told  you I would be back."

After that I met an old picker and he bought a few things .  Plus he gave me the number of a guy who actually has help for that stuff.  I've known a lot of pickers in my time and they are shrewd and love history.  In all this picking I discovered my 3 ft tall pre-lit Snoopy tree and have it burning brightly on the back porch.  Yes, I am a C and E christian.  

Y'all be happy and well.  I hope you find the golden egg!

dirt work

I have done more physical activity in past 2days to last a lifetime.  My major chore was moving rocks from the Thurmon house to make flower beds. They look cool but need some dirt and plants. Baby steps.  I will probably pick up about 20 bags of organic humus at Lowes and plant a few things.  It's after Good Friday ya' know.  

My sale was a total flop so I'm meeting the junk guy tomorrow for an estimate on what I have There is a frig, gas stove and various other pieces of interest.  I just want it gone so the workers can do their thing.  I still have clothes in the closets if that tells you anything,  I am T- one week on the moveout.  Then the the remodel will begin for real.  

I picked a few flowers from up there for the flowering cross.  Me being me I stuck a sprig of baby's breath right square in the middle and left some tulips and narcissus.  It will be beautiful and all the Baptists will cross the street for family pictures.  I wonder why they don't have one.

I'm thinking a lot about guns and access to them, particularly the repeating kind.  These AR style weapons are being used for mass murder by mentally unstable people.    All lives matter.

Here's an Easter prayer for all y'all. Let us all be born again ^j^

foot washin'

This is Maundy Thursday which is when Jesus had his last supper with the believers, plus washed their feet.  I'm sure they were covered with dust from all that traveling.  They ate and drank and passed the bread and wine.  All of them betrayed him at one time or another, just like we do now, some 2021 years later  I am fascinated by the history of Wesleyan tradition.  I also love CS Lewis.  But it ain't all about me.

I spent a peaceful day in paradise today and we exercised a bit.  I'm not even a PTA but I remembered a few of them.  I actually did them with her which made it more funner.  My friend Patti brought me a copy of a book signed by none other than Al Franken (and you're not) after he became a progressive politician.  A senator from the state of Minnesota, he was forced out of office by one of those "he touched me" accusations and he resigned.  I'm glad he did because he is still a progressive.  The way I see all of those decades later allegations my question is why didnt't you report it then?  Like old Stormy says...anything for 30K.

I'm ready to walk the flats down here if it will warm up a bit.  I might have to order some new Brooks for that little adventure.  Gotta' preserve the joints and all that.  Oscar is asleep in HIS bed and Cali is on the back of the recliner.  Al is grounded from the porch even because of his male tendency to spray.  He'll make somebody a fine tabby tom but I can't deal with the smell.  

I am sittin' here watching the sun set at the end of the road.  My first stained glass that KY cousin taught me to make is in the window catch rays.  Her creation sits on the stone fireplace waiting to be hung. I am back home and that's a different sort of feeling.  On Pecan Lane, I raised Lauren and half the kids in Dyersburg.  We had a dog named Pepper when she was little, and a cat named Screamer who slept on her head.  I have a picture burned into my brain of the day her daddy taught her how to ride a bike.  

We had a trampoline that somebody donated and that was a valuable thing for little kids.  I ended up selling it to a co-worker when they lost interest.  I have been Mama to a lot of folks who had issues with their own.  As a codependent I have to watch myself and keep close boundaries when it comes to saving others.  The bottom line is you gotta' wanna'.

So I'm having this sale Saturday on Pecan Lane and I'll get whatever I missed last time around.  After that, it's Johnny's.  Daddy's transplanted peonies are coming up again so I'll wait a bit to transplant them.  Like maybe fall.  I have a shit ton of free rocks to go pick up for the flower beds.  If y'all are bored, holla.

It ain't over 'til it's over.  Y'all keep the faith ^j^