Thursday, August 30, 2012

baby daddy

I can't quit giggling over the picture frozen into my brain of the dogcatcher lady taking on a great dane, no less. The last time she came the anointed one was stashed in the air conditioned bay for transport. This guy was too huge to even consider that and you can't tie 'em on the roof unless you're Romney so she proceeded to gently lead this big-as-a-horse dog toward the front seat of her little truck. He climbed halfway in and decided to back up and sit so she was all trying to push his big butt up there and he got spooked. Here we go again! She has a lot of patience and I can tell she's got the spirit that can tell if an animal has been abused or something. I guess you could say she's the local dog whisperer but with a touch of Reno 911. She got him in on the second try and I waved as they pulled out with the poor dog's head pushed against the ceiling. A true Kodak moment. As it turns out, the reason that Ryder is already so big is that he's her daddy. Ya'll don't tell her I sent her father to jail.

Planes are flying low today in the light breeze. No toxic chemicals being sprayed (yet) but that will come soon in the form of cotton defoliant. Not much rain either, which is sort of ironic considering how Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi almost drowned today. My preferred news source is doing a series about the issues in this election that are not being addressed during the campaign. They are important building block sorts of questions that should be addressed before the decision is made as to which direction this country needs to go. I don't claim to have all the answers, unlike some folks who just can't agree to disagree and move onto business. The most important, I believe, is how the entire political machine in this country is fed by lobbies and corporate deals. Oh, and then there's that term limit thing. Hey..teachers rarely get tenure anymore so why should you? The choice of who should be in charge of our country is a right that generations have fought and died for and the whole thing has turned into a big money grubbin' clusterf**ck. Simplicity is the key. The basic programs that were put in place to take care of our citizens have been abused for years by those who know how to work the system to feed their addictions. I work full time at a not minimum wage job so I don't qualify for anything. Neither does my daughter who is shall we say "underemployed" for a BSW.

All of that being said, things are rather quiet on the grands front as far as I know. Mama sort of rambles and talks in code when I call but I don't dare show up unexpectedly because Uncle Billy M. OCD will go ballistic. We can't have that because I'm out of happy pills. I have a three day holiday weekend coming up which is a rarity so let's all hope I get some 12 hour naps. Our county fair begins on Monday, always on Labor day. Both of my parents were pillars in the early fair association so we got to go most every night. Daddy would drive back to town after we were in bed to count the gate money and fix up the money bag. I got my first really passionate kiss from some older boy that met me there. Scared the crap out of me!!

The closer I get to the grave, the more I believe that Big Ernie knows the heart and intention of every soul and understands that we're not perfect. It's the ones that don't try that really piss him off as well as the ones who are not sharing what he has blessed them with. The fork in the road is quite clear. Let's just pray that justice prevails and we get the honest days' pay back within reach. Otherwise we'll have to call John Cusack to find out what the plan is for 2013.

Love ya. Mean it ^j^

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

the end of the world

I've been watching the water rise in Louisiana and Mississippi today and thinking about how fragile life is when living on the coast. NOLA leveed and pumped up leaving that poor parish out there on the other side of it stranded. Most of them, I imagine, are too poor or feeble to evacuate safely. That this particular slow and bigass storm is stalled over the spot where salt and fresh water mix is pure magic. Maybe some of the greedy mofos who have capitalized on that market will get elected to Congress. The high point of the RNC to me personally was watching Dr. Paul get a standing ovation from his grassroots supporters of which I am totally one. I believe in standing back and watching the whole thing play out. If I wasn't so scared of having the double R's I'd vote for RP. Voting by default, if you will.

We have a friend who is facing some serious jail time for drug related offenses. Yesterday was her birthday, at 28 a soon to be convicted felon. She has a beautiful daughter who will chat with her over a table in a visitation room somewhere random, all because the state prosecution is conviction hungry and one particular babygirl can't get past her anger over the fact that shit stuff happens even to good and loyal believers. I can't say that I would not feel the same way, but I pray not. Dr. Reynolds always called it "the Chicago syndrome" meaning that families are so scattered that by the time someone ends up sick and dying all the long distance travelers show up to give "direction" to the ones who have lived it day by day.

Of all things today was PAP smear day, an every six month co-pay to monitor the changes in my cervical cells due to HPV. I didn't realize it could come and go, particularly while under treatment. Following an office procedure and a LEAP I got one normal report before it kicked back in. Nothing serious, just a nuisance. One vaccine can wipe out that particular form of cancer and if it had been available when BG was a pre-teen you bet your sweet ass she would have had it knowing what I know now. Preventive health is what it's about ya'll. Seriously. In my humble opinion that includes services included in the Planned Parenthood menu. So much good is being done within that organization and so many redneck idiots just don't understand the concept of planning ahead. Shit just happens, ya know? Then it's to the right wing extremists to force their moral values on people who don't have the money or political clout to be heard. That, is sad.

It took a major accounting trick to be able to pay my past-due electric bill and knowing my luck I'll get caught on it and it will cost more money. Let's all pray that the banking industry moves at a slow pace prior to the holiday weekend. Otherwise, I'm f**cked. Everybody wants a piece of Poops and all I know to do is keep showing up for work and believe that faith conquers all. Hey..we got cookies at work today! Very good ones :) How's that for glass half full. Lots of sick folks and difficult situations to deal with at the sawmill including our employee family. Hey, it's a small town kinda' thing.

We got brave with the mold and drug some shit out of the basement into the breezy late afternoon. Fall is always does during the fair. There is a saddle and some tack that are mice eaten, propped up on the ancient work tables that Mr. Council used during his tenure here. Plus a bunch of wood and whatnot. It needs lighting and not much more to be a wintertime girl cave. Think Santa will leave me some eco-friendly bulbs? On a mission here ya'll. Hide and watch ^j^

Monday, August 27, 2012

jehovah's kingdom on hurricane watch

I hopped into the Camry before daylight to head for the sawmill and about the time I hit pavement, I heard this ungodly noise coming from the right side. What now, I said silently. When I got to the by-pass I got out to look and found that the right rear tire was flat as a pancake and I was 2 miles from free air. I just kept going driving real REAL slow so as not to totally tear the thing to shreds. Aired it up and it stayed all day so WTF? Added more after work so that hopefully I won't be put back into the daily routine of airing up tires so I can get to work to make money to pay the utility bill. TV is about to go again but that's nothing news and we've learned to adapt. The important thing is that we're out of contract and ready to negotiate with a kinder gentler, not to mention cheaper, provider. Or maybe we'll just go rogue and shed it altogether.

When I drove up in front of Casa Poops there was a strange truck parked in the driveway and nobody to be found until I circled 'round back. The hot handymen guys were just finishing up with door handles and whatnot and I offered them a beer which they gladly took. That is how I know for certain that they weren't the ones who left the Jehovah's witness literature. I'm sure it was stuck in the door that they had just repaired. These people freak me out the way they drive around looking for souls to save. I got a wild hair last night and took down my bed frame thinking that the mattress on the floor would provide more support for my back. And you know what? I do believe it's true! Plus I like sleeping down low so the dogs can come and go without pouncing. As an added bonus, the stars are more clearly visible through the bedroom window.

It is absolutely surreal the way that Isaac is moving along in the footsteps that Katrina slammed onto the gulf coast seven years ago. When we had the back to back floods of the Forked Deer river, they were exactly one year apart and that was pretty creepy too. Makes you think that Big Ernie has plans to teach us a few lessons on survival which if not heeded will be lathered, rinsed and repeated. Just saying. The folks in LA are saying that their levees are in much better shape this time around. ( don't even start about where the earmarked money went BEFORE Katrina.) We shall see. One of my friends took a August vacation to Puerto Rico last year and spend most of her time in a hotel room watching it rain. That's hurricane season for 'ya!

We got blessed at the sawmill today when an unannounced inspection turned into a brief two hour review of personnel files and no grilling of employees hard at work. We used to spend MONTHS preparing for this type of thing and now they're all unannounced, which is as it should be. If you can't pass a random walk through, you shouldn't be in the business of healthcare.

Hola from the hill ^j^

Saturday, August 25, 2012

second hand news

It's been a long day filled with various adventures and surprises. Since we are needing gas money to get to work so resourceful I've been scrapping what I can from the basement, slinging it into a pile for the big haul. I happened upon two of the four chairs that our family sat on down in the red log cabin and drug them up the steps for a little Murphy's oil bath on the front porch. They are about 50 years old and covered with mold and dust. There was a little sprinkle of a shower while I was out there knocking it off but nothing to amount to anything. Still in a drought, I see. Maybe Isaac will change that.

I wanted to be an astronaut when I was little, enthralled with space travel and exploration and I remember the exact moment that I saw Neil Armstrong step onto the surface of the moon. Early in the program several explorers died in a fire while training. That is what made a difference to me enough so that I wrote letters to my heroes expressing admiration and loyalty. The space program has changed of course, using robots in place of people and I think that's pretty damn cool.
Daddy came up to Pecan Lane to deliver mail that got stuck in his box and one of those pieces contained a reminder that the evil Capitol One lawyered up a few years ago and got a judgement on me. The limit on the plastic devil was 1500 which was maxed and I've paid twice that to the lawyer mills to whom the evil one sold my debt. I swear to you, there was WHITEOUT on the damn thing. If I'm not mistaken, that's illegal. They are trying to garnish my assets with the one credit union that will still give me a loan and recently did. Sorry CO..that went to the utility bill and rent. If you hit my employer I'll hurt you when I draw blood.

Like most of the former middle class, the biggest item in our budget is food and eating healthy is expensive unless you grow your own or have a sugardaddy. I think about that when I see folks getting greedy with the produce. My mama's generation referenced the starving children in Africa and that is still a challenge for our world. Well, that and all the evil dictators. The one political situation that I cannot understand is that in Syria where the genteel British wife and her exceptionally violent husband carry on like their people are disposable. Perhaps when they are all dead there will be a rebirth of democracy.

Rambling? You bet your ass. Keeping the faith? Always.

Friday, August 24, 2012

time warp

The older I get the more in tune my body becomes with the subtle changes of a growing season. Of course I also see everything else in a different light too because I've been there done that on a lot of it and even got some t-shirts. I can feel the summer waning even though it's still hot as a mofo. Somebody told me we were predicted to have a bad winter and my reaction was "bring it on." I can always put on more clothes and put electric heaters around the pipes. Last winter was so warm that we didn't even buy any gas and I still owe the man my first born :) He knows he'll get paid. We are looking at a new roommate to help with living expenses because we're having trouble making it on 1 1/2 salaries. There's always room for one more if they pitch in and play nice.

I try really hard not to whine or feel sorry for myself but I'm just about to go under from the physical and emotional stress of the past few years. I am weary from robbing peter to pay paul. I am sad and lonely when I think about my parents and their situation, even though I know we're doing a good job. I haven't been in a relationship for a year now and feel ready to tackle something other than a totally self centered mama's boy. I should have paid attention to my first instincts on that one. I wasn't the first and won't be the last, I'm sure.

Looks like the hurricane is headed right for Tampa unless it decides to move a little to the left. Gulf Shores was demolished by a hurricane in 2005, our favorite place to do state park on the beach. It's got nothing on Destin though. That place is absolutely gorgeous! I ran across a piece about retirees from the US moving to Central America because of the simplicity of life there. Though I can't imagine doing that, it sounds tempting. Closer than Figi I guess.

Anyways I listened to one co-worker whine and moan the entire day beginning when I walked in the door and I think that's what is in my craw right now. However I'm not there anymore with a weekend off and plenty of beer so let the chillaxing begin.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

natural order

I'm so behind on ancient news that I failed to know what the "end of the world" thing in December is about. Seeing as how they had lots of time on their hands and were constantly trying to figure it all out, I'm assuming that particular prediction might be flawed. Just saying. Anyway, if that's the last day I'm ready to go. Otherwise I'll keep on trucking. In my location we are much more vulnerable to earthquakes and whatnot though the Mississippi has slapped us around for a couple of years in a row. It takes an entire year for a flood plain of that magnitude to dry up and be ready to farm again.

It's been a long time since the salsa sisters got together but we managed today and I totally enjoyed it, if not the gas afterwards! I was rather snarky toward a table full of young ladies with their cute little bow haired children close by and sister said to me " I've never known any of them to be that way. They just left bible study." My experience with that has been this..the only women who can afford that luxury are the ones whose husbands are loaded and don't have to work for a thing. That may be a prejudicial statement so sue me. If your husband is a lawyer, you've got that one sewn up. I ran into Leigh today and she told me the JT concert was awesome. She and Pete bought my tickets when the loan sharks caught up and I had to put on my big girl panties and get over it. She mentioned specifically his sweet and funny personality that shines in every performance. A recovering addict, he has climbed some pretty big mountains to still be a beacon to music lovers everywhere.

Mom and Daddy are, shall we say "confused" in their new normal way. I count the pills every week for her and daddy still insists on helping which really screws me up when I have to go through drawers for bottles. I kid you not, my mother was sitting in her command central chair "looking" at mail order catalogs for house shoes and had the calendar in her lap. I can honestly say I've never been THAT organized. Daddy was on the porch waiting for his ride to coffee even though it was an hour away. This is how they roll day in and day out. O.M.G. Somebody shoot me now.

Otherwise life is grand. Sugardaddy still hasn't shown up but I'll never lose the faith because, hey. I've waited ten years..might as well settle for nothing less than the real deal. It's ladies night and me and the BG are in at 4:36 pm ready to tackle chores and discuss world events watch teevee. It's still on, but due for an eminent cutoff.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

war on weary

The one thing that I hear over and over from the GOP supporters is how dismayed they are with the "big mess" that Obama has made of the economy and how he has accomplished nothing while in office. There are things that he did which I was against, like bailing out the American automakers, GE and such. These multi billion dollar industries were stealing from both the government AND the people and many of the consumers turned to buying imports that were more techno advanced and reliable. That's one of the basic rules of must produce a product that people will want to buy again. I bought my first Toyota Camry in 1984 during it's grand entrance and have driven one ever since.

One of the things that I think contributed to the downfall of the economy is labor unions. When they were invented, workers needed a voice and protection for their health and well being on the job. These days it's all about bargaining power and many folks have bargained themselves right out of a job. There was a time, not too long ago, when workers at the tire plant up the highway were making more than me as a healthcare professional simply because they had their employer by the balls via the union. The plumber and baker and candle stick maker have all outpaced my salary by a long shot. Last year's increase was, shall we say *negligible*, just enough to hint that "we gave you a little something for your loyalty." Hey..thanks ya'll. I've been told that this year's market study indicated that we are behind for my job grade so I might expect a bit more. Let's pray and be specific on that one. The healthcare plan that is supported by BOTH parties is one that is doable if the system of providers is set up carefully and monitored for fraud. One of the reasons Medicare is where it is today is because of physician abuse, particularly in the office setting, through diagnostics and self-referral. I was a consultant for one of them and he never could understand why he wasn't making a million off his lab. Puleeez, dude. He went on to commit suicide years later.

Brandi and KBug are here changing for an after school dip at Gigi's pool. This pool season is coming to a close and I tell ya'll, there is nothing more depressing to me than peering out her kitchen window in the winter. The family neighborhood dog Smokey has cancer and he's being visited slowly and surely by all the people who have been poolside or on the road with him. He belonged to their parents, both long gone. One more mark on that list of long goodbyes. I thought about Ms. Olive today and how I was summoned to her bedside. There is a lovely picture of my mother and her sister taken during their lunch yesterday of the elder (mom) with a finger up in the younger's face. Hilarious!!! Because I'm OLDER that's why!

Keep the faith and remember who you are ^j^

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

the long goodbye

Most every day of the past week has been an opportunity to say goodbye to old friends that I know won't be around much longer. Last night I got a call from Ms. Olive who asked if I'd be there at the sawmill for her appointment. I told her I was off but would drop by. She's so tired that talking wears her out but her little eyes beamed at me as she told me once again that I'm the one she'll remember out of all the people who gave her care. When we first met I had a mad crush on a guy there and we ended up having an up close and personal encounter with her. At that time she was still smoking and drinking beer and having a fine old time. Her British accent was peppered with lots of F bombs and whatnot but I can totally relate. George Carlin's philosophy on cussing is the one I adopted. Today, she just looked tired. I think she wanted to say goodbye, ya know?

Passing on back toward the lane I noticed farmer Joey and BubbaW shelling corn so I stopped to take a few pictures in between dust storms. It is THE most allergenic crop around when it's being harvested. Oh hell...there goes another high dollar air filter! Mom and I picked up lunch and went to visit her sister at the village. These two are so opposite you wouldn't believe they're sisters if you didn't know it, yet they always remember who they were and are now and it's a treat when they get together. I dodged six lanes of traffic to get to the convenience store across the highway for 2 diet Cokes. Hey..she was out.

Can't think of a thing to bitch about because it doesn't do any good except as an outlet to help move on. To put it in the words of my friend Sue "It is what it is." And George would say "Oh BOY!". My fruitcake friend in Halls is at home and recovering from a big ass surgery. A retired English teacher/football coach (I know, go figure that one, right?)he's been the calm in his own storm ever since his diagnosis. He loves to torment me with surprise attacks at the lsawmill where his greeting is "Well WELL..and how is your day??" Big hugs buddy. Get well so you can edit the book :)

This is not a rant by any means, but a plea of sorts to citizens who have their heads buried in life so far that they don't take the opportunity to make intelligent use of the right to vote that was fought for by many before us. I know the feeling of being too overwhelmed to think about anything other than how to feed the kids but really? Things can be different and will be if we work together instead of being at odds on every single little detail. What is especially scary to me now is that the Christian right has infiltrated politics and that is a big nono in church state separation. See:Constitution of the US. We are not stupid ya'll. The middle class is just wore ass out from supporting everybody else.

Monday, August 20, 2012

room to breathe

Finally after a long and searing great heat/wave/drought of spring and summer '12, we have reached the point where the high eighties is considered "cooler." The AC actually kicks off now and then, especially at night. This my friends, is a very good thing. I've been faithfully changing the hypo-allergenic filters every two weeks or so, even though they're supposed to last for three months. What can I say..I live in the middle of a farm and co-habit with four dogs and a cat. That equals a whole lot of dust and hair. Maybe eventually the air will be filtered and I can use then normally! The electric bill has been consistently a hundred bucks less in spite of the heat and I know it's because the unit is new and was way past due for replacement when it was installed last August. You can actually walk without going AROUND something in the house and the mopping is next unless I decide to take pictures of cotton or something. The individual bolls are beautiful when they turn white and an entire field of it is a real show.

Went to the FNP today to get refills on meds and check out the old vitals. BP and thyroid are better. I was in and out in less than an hour which is decent by today's standards. This guy in the waiting room with me struck up a conversation about insurance and how he got lumped into the one year "pre-existing condition" category when he got married and changed policies. A truck driver, he was forced to take his wife on runs with him after she had surgery just so that she could be taken care of properly. Sadly, this is the state of our healthcare system. It ranges from inefficiency in proper medical record standardization to lack of connectivity for software in the small provider setting which is, to me, the best way to meet a patient and do preventive care. What do I know though, I'm just "almost a nurse."

While I was in town after dropping BG off at work, I ran by the sawmill to see if I could be excused from the meeting two hours later and proceed to enjoy my day of. My Bossfriend obliged and I am forever grateful to her for that. So much so that I didn't even clock in!! It was short and sweet and full of the regular stats outlining the current state of our union. I love that she can organize stuff like that because that's definitely not in my skill set.

I've been through a lot of election seasons in my (almost) 58 years and I can honestly say that this is one of the stupidest ones ever that I have witnessed. I'm tired of listening to right wingers look at me like I'm a lost soul and tsk tsk over how to get me to believe that R&R have the answer. I put up a op-ed piece today written by an INDEPENDENT from VT and one of the few righties that remains on my friend list made a sarcastic comment about it being from HuffPost. Get over yourself dude. Go back and watch some more Fox news or something. I'm firm in my convictions in spite of the shitstorm that is heating up by the day. I've done plenty of research and read a boatload of commentary from both the right and left. I am intelligent enough to figure out where I stand without being berated for my beliefs.

The end...for now.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

fish heads and corn

My friend Sandy Coop was the coolest thing a girl like me could run across in her twenty something year old life. We drank enough alcohol to kill a brazillion livers and somewhere along the way she picked up a nasty virus commonly known as Hep C. Back then it didn't have it's own was simply non-A non-B. It wasn't until the nineties that HCV became a routine test for donated blood. By that time both she and her husband were full blown with it and interferon didn't work. Sandy retired from the clinical lab and went to preacher school here in the 'burg, donating her time and talent to the local Christian TV station, the one that my brother started as our local news. That's a whole 'nother story ya'll! This short-sighted board of directors that included representatives of all monies on the table expected some return on their investment at the six months out meeting. And then my brother was asked to leave as general manager. He and his buddy OWNED the damn tower so there was some leverage there but really? It was small town politics at its' finest. Anybody who ever started a business can testify that it's foolish to expect anything back for 3-5 years if it's a strict start-up.

After work today I tried to think of one more excuse to not make the ten minute drive down Hwy 51 to visit my dying friend. My conscience won and I got the bonus of catching fleeting glimpses of the air show featuring WWII planes in formation. Last year at that exact time I was sitting in the empty parking lot of Linda's bar watching it for free with my ex because he didn't wanna pay to get in. He was always cheap like that. Anyhow, I found my way to the corner of Church and Pearl and was greeted by our friend RoRo. After introducing me to her son we went to SanSan's room to say hi and hug. Ro said it's the damndest thing because she's been in a total coma for three weeks and all of a sudden rallied yesterday. I thought I'd visit while the getting was good. She knew me, which is unbelievable considering that her world consists of a handful of caregivers. She got meds, drank milk, gave me hugs and drifted off to some happy dreams.

My most vivid memory of hanging with Sandy was when my college boyfriend dumped me after I moved back to D'burg to work. We were drunk as shit feeling real down and out and I decided it was time to visit the Mississippi River bridge. She pulled her green T'bird over and we sat there with our legs dangling over the edge staring into the water and thinking what it would be like to jump. And then? We went to her house and grubbed on fries! Great times ya'll. My first all nighter was with her and I barely remember who the others were. She is an accomplished guitarist and played at my wedding. I had just discovered Mac Macanally and her favorite song was "Barney" which she promptly learned to play just from listening. We're still talking vinyl LPs by the way. They're still all piled up on the shelf, waiting for the resurrection of turntables I suppose. If I wasn't so lazy I'd be online selling that stuff to the highest bidder. But I am, so there ya go.

Love the ones you're with ^j^

Friday, August 17, 2012

ain't it grand?

We got blessed with a terrific thunderstorm last night and I thoroughly enjoyed drifting off to the noise and light show courtesy of mother nature. The dogs were appropriately concerned and Sam watched as long as he could to keep his mama safe. Eventually, all five of us snoozed out. If you do the math it goes something like 80 lb lab, one ? lb me, plus three smaller dogs. On a full size mattress that sits on a queen size spring. Tell me I ain't living right! When I headed into town to pay the loan sharks catch up on some bills I noticed limbs down EVERYWHERE and a lot of trees too. I would suppose that the 'burg proper got more high wind that we did here on the hill. These ancient pecan trees tend to drop huge limbs especially when wet and I've barely missed getting bombed by them several times. We are never at a loss for firewood, I can tell you that.

The progress at Casa Poops on the clean and sort deal is slow but sure, knowing that the time is now to travel light and look ahead towards practical. One of the most satisfying things is picking through stray beads that I've collected over the years. With one eye toward creativity, I'm planning to use them on frames made from barn wood... if the horse ever dies, that is. He got a brand new roll of hay yesterday delivered right in front of the barn door. Nice photo op, if you know what I mean. Looks like more rain today so it's good to be tucked inside the cozy house on the hill at the top of Pecan Lane. I remember Hoss telling me years ago to share my walks through pictures so he could see way over in Oregon what was happening in my 'hood. I suppose that's when the camera bug bit. Now I catch myself grabbing for the camera even when I'm out and about and see something totally cool like monkeys in the car or Sylvester on his bike. When you frame life like shots, it's a given that there an inner photographer somewhere up in there.

On this day at this moment, I am at peace with the world no matter who is higher up in the polls. I refuse to let the main stream media poison my mind with all the bad shit that's going on when there's so much good to report. If it's a weather emergency or the world is ending, fine. Otherwise, give me a happy story. Somehow I don't think all the emergency preparedness in the world will save us when Big Ernie decides he wants a do-over. I'm not real big on old testament stories but the one about the false idols and orgies and what not? It sticks in my mind, particularly in this day and time. I was chatting with a friend today about men in general and a couple in specific and she was glowing from the experience of being courted. I honestly would now know, for every relationship I've had as a 10 year divorcee has gone by the wayside. We talked about opposites attracting and decided that at this point in our lives, we need to look for something in common.

Keep the faith ya'll ^j^

Thursday, August 16, 2012

thursday taxi run

I rarely get a chance to spend time with my parents outside of daddy's "kingdom" so I offered to take them both to get their hair done today. Daddy goes to Frank'n'Doyle's and mama to Angels Crown Center. Faith had an appointment at the vet with BG so we all carpooled starting at mid-morning and ending up with me and Mama up front and BG and Daddy and Faith (plus the walker) in back. On the way into town Faith hung her head out the window and enjoyed the view. She's down to normal weight now since she gave birth and survived. Poor old Ryder, the girl we kept, is gonna be one HUGE dog. Her legs are long and gangly and she has big ears kinda like an elephant. It's hilarious! She's twice the size of Oscar and he still manages to pin her down on a daily basis.

The paper work is done at last for the VA thing so maybe before inauguration day we'll get that flow of assistance headed to the red log cabin. Extended hours of in-home care will help tremendously with safety. We're not making any move toward the courts because that's expensive and they'd be pissed off as hell at me. If there's an alternative, I'll work with it a little longer. It took a long time, but mom finally has gotten some mobility and strength back following her intense hospitalization in the spring. That she can do that at age 78 is totally amazing.

Tomorrow is payday and I'm sorry to report that the bank is once again making lots of money on me due to overdrafts. The rewards program they feature giving points for debit card purchases is foreign to me, but I think I deserve something for all that extra income in their drawer. Just saying. The loan sharks are all due on the same day which involves lots of scurrying around with cash. All of this is of my own doing and my own fault, even though I try really hard to think about value. The talk at the beauty shop today was about the price of beef and where it's going and I've been inspired to cook white beans in a crock pot and a pan of cornbread. Meat, I can live without.

Rain's coming I hear and that's good thing. So is fall and that's even better!


Tuesday, August 14, 2012


One of my favorite tees is one that says just that on the front, in support of breast cancer awareness and early detection via mammography. I have one every year because I figure it's one health issue that's preventable and mostly paid for by insurance if I shop my local providers. One of the advantages to working in a medical center is that everybody's close by except for the dentist. I saw my favorite surgeon the other day headed to his truck wearing shorts, tennis shoes and a white doctor coat. Love it. When I was a young healthcare provider during the growth boom there was very little oversight other than state and national regulatory agencies which made regular inspections known as surveys. Medicare was flying high and everybody couldn't wait to retire on their hard earned benefits, which were guaranteed by the US government.

Things started crashing then, and the generation that includes my parents lost a shitload of invested money during the crash of the eighties. By then I was headed down the rosy tunnel toward the great american dream with 1.1 children and a lifetime of work and devotion to the almighty dollar. During our heated political discussions yesterday and today the fact that "everybody makes money off of somebody" came up and I was at first shocked because I never thought of it that way. It's going to be an interesting election year at the sawmill is all I can say.

Things are significantly cooler here, thank you Big Ernie! My last utility bill was almost as much as the rent, but we stayed cool during the biggest global warmup that's happened in a long time. I got an email from a friend about the level of the Mighty Mississippi right now and it's just historical the way the floods and droughts interconnect and cause domestic disruption. I heard my last boyfriend is living with yet another girl which is pretty predictable. He's so cheap he won't put out the money to make a home for himself. Probably gypsy blood.

As my mama would say I got "sprunty" yesterday and hopped up on Ethel's old dining room chair to change a light bulb. Just like my bossfriend I found my old ass tumbling onto the hardwood and landed on the bad knee. I think I was kinda' dauntcy today from the shock of impact. Dauntcy is a term that the little general's mama June used to say meaning stunned and light headed. My heart is with her the fam every day while they make their way through Big J's recovery.

Here's my deal as a voter in the current presidential election. I have a very deep sense of disappointment in the turns that our country took while Dubya was in office. That election resulted in a 10 year war that cannot be won and a media led return to the olden days when personal choice becomes a distant memory because the sheeple believe that guns are good and drugs are bad..ummkay? Foreign policy should include not messing in ANYBODY'S civil war as a peacekeeper other than in a support position via food and medicine. This country doesn't need the $$ bad enough to sell arms like the Russians do. No normal citizen has a guaranteed right to an assault weapon purchased legally. Too many people have gone nuts and decided to take the world down with them. I'd rather not die that way. I agree that federal money should not be used for performing abortions because heaven FORBID somebody might offend the personal religious views of conservatives. But pulling federal monies from the preventive health programs is pure foolishness. Just wait until Ebola gets up over in here and the infrastructure cracks.

Here's to all of us in the world of healthcare today as the AMA and FDA have decided to make a move (finally) and get rid of a ridiculous core measure that was implemented this year and resulted in negative outcomes for patients. My cynical side believes that the manufacturers of the alternative were in the bed with somebody who had a lobbyist who pushed that through. We had pizza to celebrate!

Over and out from the lane. Love ya...mean it ^j^

Monday, August 13, 2012

hanging with my homeys

I am usually the lone liberal in a sea of apathetic and/or conservative voters at my workplace. My only comrade in affairs of the left is a woman who is about ten years older and eons wiser than myself. Until recently she worked sporadically but is now filling in for someone on family leave. When the smiling whistling little guy came through I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to start some shit up. I innocently asked him if he was happy with what's his name the tea partier that Romney picked. Of course he was DELIGHTED and ready to argue about it. I cannot tell a lie...I knew exactly what I was doing and she let loose on him with a ferocity I haven't seen from her since before George died. Which is a very good thing, by the way. Half of the people there didn't have a clue what was up and the boss just looked at us like we had lost recess or something. I swear if she had an eraser in her hand she would have thrown it at us!

When I stopped by Money Mike's place on the way home I ran into my neighbor and I invited him up to sit on the porch a spell. The dogs barked like he was gonna take off with the ancient 500 lb teevee set until they found him harmless. No shit..when I pulled up in the driveway I found an old truck with a couple of scruffy guys and some appliances wrapped in the bed. Hmm. Wrong house I think, ya'll. About that time the lady called and she told him he was trying not to go to jail for trespassing! You can't make this shit up. BG was at work the other day when a girl came in with a baby monkey on a leash and she got pics up close. Back when I stopped at the Plaza food store every day there was a bigger one who would sit in the car with his "mama" while dude ran in to get the steaks and beer.

One of my regular readers told me today that my writing has been quite depressing lately. I know this in my heart and know that people love to think "happy thoughts" and pay it forward. I do that every day but something is missing and I believe that it has been the ability to be spontaneous and capture a moment right when it happens to savor...not run from. Watching my father count the last steps of his life in an attempt to control the whole thing makes me very sad for him. That's why we've learned to laugh about the routines and their predictability.

My friend came by yesterday with a cheer up basket of goodies from her work and we sat on the porch drinking beer and catching up with life. I dated her brother for awhile and she told me when it started getting rocky that he was all about himself. That, I did not need and neither does she. If someone can't at least meet me halfway they can keep on trucking. After that my friend the auto mechanic worked on the Camry and had it fixed in no time. I remember sitting in court watching a cocky young guy think that he had it licked. Now, I look at his conviction to his father's passion for motors and think "How lucky for me!" All he ever asks for is cornbread and chicken.

We have all been through some drama, some more than others. To think about the glass being half full is, to me personally, the only way to survive and have peace. At this point in my life peace is my choice. Oh! Plus faith hope and love. ^j^

Sunday, August 12, 2012

little black cloud

The Camry still sits in the drive trying to keep an idle and failing miserably. My mechanic friend should be by this afternoon to take a look. I've googled fuel filter a hundred times and got mostly false ads. Like I tell my brother "Hey...I'm a girl." The lawn half acre yard is mowed for probably next to the last time. The one good thing about drought is not having to deal with that. That's the ONLY good thing, by the way.

I've been digging my way up the ancient steps toward the attic to see what can be salvaged or pitched. I kid you now..I still have my college textbooks. That was before the days of sell back. I was one of 12 who graduated in June of 1977 from the UT Center for Health Sciences MT program. Back then it was a three plus one program and after nine months of that intense last year I was ready to jump out the dorm window! I found our class picture as well. There was a letter from my daddy written to me while I was away at girl scout camp telling me how good he was doing at skeet shooting. The picker's find of the whole deal was a faded portrait of the team of drunken devoted lifeguards at the pool where I worked every summer. We were paid 50cents an hour to babysit kids and flip burgers. The labor board caught up with them and we got a windfall with which I bought my first car.

It is therapeutic to do this sort of thing, even though it tugs at the heartstrings. I do not want to be the old hoarder woman who has shit that nobody can identify. Every family knows the feeling of going through old photos and asking "Who the HECK is that??" I have a growing scrap pile which will be cashed in shortly and big dreams of making barn wood frames with all this free material. Of course they will be real nice with the prints from my adventures. Risible Girl...I finally figured it out!!

My sister Tammy just stopped by for a visit with nice gifts and lotso' interesting gab plus a beer or two. We love each other in spite of all the family drama that is hers and was mine for about a year. You can't make that shit up, ya'll.

Peace out and always remember who you are ^j^

Saturday, August 11, 2012

short comas are good for the soul

I guess you could say I was overdue for a sleep in since I didn't budge until 11AM, even with the sun shining brightly through my bare windows. Almost complete exhaustion, plus a little help from my friends took me to lala land. When I got in the trusty old Camry to go down for pill counting and grands welfare check, she refused to fire up with multiple turnovers but no catch. Great,ya'll. I don't know a fuel filter from a spark plug so I'm hoping it's something simple. I'd have to draw the line at walking to work. Once upon a time I had a neighbor who worked there too and he rode his bicycle most days. We were both MUCH younger then. This guy's partner and roommate was a big old fellow who had a Harley that he rolled up into the house to shine the chrome. How did he do that you might ask? Cut the front porch screen down by golly. Both of 'em are doctors and you couldn't find two more different personalities if you tried. One of them had a son BG's age and they played together on four wheelers and whatnot. He later had an accident in a deer stand where he lost one of his fingers. Funny the things you remember sometimes.

So, Paul Ryan is Romney's running mate and all the conservatives are just foaming at the mouth because he's such a poster boy for their values like de-funding Planned Parenthood and preventive womens' health. Just because you're for it doesn't mean it's gonna happen dude. As Big Ernie is my witness, if the GOP gets any more powerful, I'm moving out of the country. What has taken 40 years to equalize in the area of human rights is being threatened daily by zealots who just KNOW that Big Ernie is on their side. They're gonna be so shocked when it comes time to separate the sheep and the goats.

We are having a tease of fall day and I'm loving every minute of it. It should be cool enough to head to the attic and see what treasures are hiding there. There's one whole room with BG's stuff in it, including every single construction paper turkey she ever made and all the dolls. My wedding china is there, the complete set of it that has been used maybe four times in 30 plus years. There's a huge crappie that my ex caught at KY lake and got mounted. Lots of odds and ends and dirt which I plan to take care of. Maybe today, maybe later.

I've been called out by several people lately on the fact that I'm ignoring my own well being in the name of caretaking and it's something that I've known but don't know what to do about. I know that my parents' living situation is not safe, but they're being very passive aggressive about the whole thing and making US be the bad guys. Always the devil's advocate, I can see their side as well. That red log cabin is their homeplace and where they raised our family, cows and all. I wouldn't want to leave either.


Wednesday, August 8, 2012


As mentioned before, I am not real good at keeping up with the finances because it's so complicated that avoidance takes over. The long stretch of un and underemployment for my roommate put us in a hole so deep we're digging like crazy trying to find a way out. We agreed today that she will keep the balance current for me, good bad or ugly. My dream would be NOT to live on a tropical island with a cabana boy and a yacht but to not have to worry if what I'm purchasing is affordable, especially when it's food or fuel to get to work. I have not purchased any new scrubs in about five years because it's just not worth it to me to look cute there. I'll wear the old ones and carry on as usual. We're coming out of a multi-year dress code fiasco when each department was assigned two colors so that the clients could recognize which area we worked. How 'ya think that worked out? NOT good. That was when I dumped everything I had and took on the ones that my friend Sherry left as she moved for yet another different dress code. Haven't seen her in years but she will always be in my heart for that simple gesture.

I chatted with my Indian friend at the gas station and asked him about the shooting in Wisconsin. He is Hindu, and contrasted the two religions for me. According to him, their worship styles are similar to his own belief system and harmless. Very very peaceful people. I'm not gonna dwell on it because I think that makes the whole thing worse, but I will say this. If these right wing NRA types don't clamp down on the automatic weapons business, we're gonna be doing a civil war here just like in Syria. THINK about it! Russia hates us. Asia hates us. That's two out of many? Oh yeah, Mexico ain't too fond of us either. We are running out of options and now is the time to solid steady thinking, not an election based on fierce emotions stirred up by campaign aides and the MSM. Poor Harry Reid...he just needs to go sit in his rocker and enjoy life.

There have been no major fires with the grands to put out lately, but I know that the next one is just around the bend. We'll see how quickly the US Department of Veterans Affairs decides to deal with an elderly active duty soldier. It was his duty and honor to serve his country during the Korean war and he ended up in the Azore Islands of all places. I am required to mail his "original" discharge paper called form # something. Now how many 81 year old guys could come up with that? By golly, he did. Mom has had phone problems because her Jitterbug has this on off button that she pushes occasionally while fumbling for the operator. Plus the house phone (they insist) isn't working because something is full and *DAMN* I don't know. One phone is plenty!

This too shall pass ya'll. I've been in this funk many times before, always asking myself if I got too cocky or took more credit for something than I should have. I try really hard to look at the effects that I've had on other lives and just appreciate the "me" in them. And just like that writer told me all those years ago "You've got stories to tell."

P.S. It's still hot as hell.

Monday, August 6, 2012

on point

Today is only Monday and I'm already weary, not so much from physical activity(although there's been plenty) but also burdened by the heavy loads that my friends are carrying. It seems as though everyone has a full plate these days. Congress went on vacation without any decision on federal crop aid, but it is still early. Corn was a wash, but beans and cotton are looking up. That speculators are gambling away the very food that sustains us by making odds is disgusting. So is that quite mentally ill guy who shot up the temple in Wisconsin. This dude doesn't even bother to get the "real" targets of his hatred right. This type of violence is so out there and unpredictable that it's got everybody looking for the lone wolf. All I know about is that skinheads in the AN are like Hitler and the German army. We all know how that one turned out. There is a local man missing due to his association with them. I am not an alarmist, nor do I sit around worrying about all the fucktards running loose in this world. I do, however, choose to lay low and stay close to home when I'm not working. Hey..that's what boomers do ya'll. A big night for me is staying up late enough for Chelsea. I have a full mattress on top of a queen spring so there's this big hole at the end that I stuff with blankets and stuff. That's Ryder's favorite place to take a nap! The ticks are back since it rained. My thoughts are simple. Like how the world would be much cooler if everybody decided to drop a grudge against just ONE person. And then another, randomly as they turn up in your life. I've done this and it's pretty cleansing in a lazy spiritual sort of way. It's also one of the steps of anonymous groups called making amends. Can't change the past, just make peace with it um'kay? Bubba's delivering the mower today but I doubt I'll be up for anymore sweat. After all it is Monday which means I've got a new old episode of Weeds to chew on. I was reading today about old big Ike over there in Colorado shutting down the pot shops and just chuckled to myself. Personally, I think that is our president's way of saying "Okay then, let's start this conversation again when it's not three months before election time." A growth and distribution system for a natural remedy is a no-brainer in medicine. I have a whole lot of aches and pains and sometimes Aleve just don't get it. We lunched on deli cut bologna today, fresh from Countryside grocery where BG works. She'll make you a sammich, sell you some beer and watch you play scoop up the bait!! Sheila's kitchen is a piece of art designed by she and her hub. No wifi or anything...just an old country store like everybody loves to visit. There's a picture on the wall of the original owner Mr. Tickle from ummm...maybe the thirties? Fascinating stuff. Anyways..the point is that I ramble. Anybody who uses( .... ) as much as I do is pretty much just rambling to clear out the cobwebs. That's what blogs are for, right?

Sunday, August 5, 2012

it takes a village

I tend to be quite cautious about joy and happiness because I'm so afraid of being slapped down for being proud or smug. Can't help it...I've been there-done that too many times. It's Big E's way of keeping me humble. Most of what makes he laugh is random...standup comedy, little kids being themselves. I used to read voraciously before life turned into one big dramafest. Now my eyesight is going, just like my mama's. I talked to the little general today and she and Big are surviving his surgery one week out. Huge, ya'll. He's a champ as a cucumber and that's what it takes to survive!

I am terribly excited about the news that the Mississippi river corridor is getting attention like grants and whatnot for an interpretive center and demonstration garden. Lorna wants it to be "sexy"! I'm with you on that..make it an experience rather than a visit to some sadly neglected portion of west Tennessee. Her Gulf coast gardens were expertly planned and executed for those who chose to participate. That's what it takes to get away from processed food ya'll. Grow 'yer own.

Still hot, and very VERY humid. The dogs are all chilling under the bed while I piddle my little heart out. Daddy and I hit the doughnut shop today and they were tickled that they could remember our usual. The guy sitting next to us is a former football coach and they discussed the game. Daddy said the first football game he saw in color was a bowl game in which Errol played. See? The memory is great if we can ratchet down the OCD shit. Just saying. As I was filling out MORE forms for the VA, I began to think about the time involved with elder care which is what is coming for all of us. The problem is a lack of integration of services and governmental controls that are put in place by non-healthcare practitioners, AKA politicians. I will never as long as I live forget Bill Frist's tenure in our state. Don't bring your Wall street crap up in my home state, you hear? Terri will haunt you forever dude. When I first began in the lab the very same FDA that inspected our blood banks was also doing chicken plants. How special!

Haven't heard from the neighbors lately since mom and kids plus dog on leash came to get away from daddy's rant. Pitiful ya'll. Both boys are special needs and that little girl is learning to settle, just like her mama did. Yet it is how many Americans live. Just this week there was a meth bust in our area where four children were removed and then the law went back for the dogs and ferret. FOUR freaking kids in the middle of that chemistry lab. Little ones. The poverty and addiction rate in this tri-state area is astounding and disturbing. Memphis is one of the top cities for teen pregnancies in the country. It makes me glad to be in a smaller place where everybody knows your name.


Saturday, August 4, 2012

shit happens

I lost the brand on that one awhile ago, outhouse and all. Unless of course creative commons licenses are protection from theft. That was where I learned to let go and type the words in my mind as an outlet. The first two years were spent in a perpetual state of bitch, whining and stomping about every little political thing that happened, especially if it involved Dubya and the wars. Looks like we as a nation would have learned better than to try to run someone other country's business. I reckon not. War=$$ for contractors and whatnot. Many veterans took on contract work after serving our country and made a shitload of money before moving onto civilian careers and educations. Joe is one of those guys and he's almost a CRNA! It was from him that I learned about the military casualties of PTSD like his ex.

Big Ernie taught me a lesson in wise borrowing today when I ended up spending an hour and a half waiting to pay back the loan shark lender. First of the month and all so people got their checks. Anywho, my girl Sam will be back from maternity leave next week and I've got something ordered for the baby with her name on the butt. Bloomers, to be exact. How precious is that? Most of the fifteen or so customers that I met today were nice and quite sympathetic for the poor gal who had to handle the whole deal. She never misses a chance to laugh in spite of it all!

The other day when I got screamed at for borrowing naproxen mama asked me how the JT concert was. I had to tell her that the tickets went toward the rent but that's okay, I've seen him already. An artist of that magnitude will live on forever in American history. Speaking of artisans, my friend Lorna has been involved with some serious Mississippi River people and I've heard that there's a huge project about to be funded close to Reelfoot Lake and the river. Interpretive, educational and artistic opportunities involving local craftsmen and women. There is also a huge collection of maps that will be techno enhanced and displayed. I kid you not, I TORE the one that my grandaddy drew of our place. Don't let me close to the heirlooms, just saying. I'm doing the basic cleaning and picking but somebody else has to wrap 'em.


Friday, August 3, 2012

what? friday already!

Lord have mercy ya'll..this has been a long hard week in spite of two days off. Things are picking up at the sawmill and there are some "internal issues" that make for a less than friendly work environment at times. 'Nuf said...Dooce me not. To me it's a no brainer that happy employees or associates or whatever the hell you call us will give better customer service and in turn increase business for said corporation. Evidently there's a clause in there somewhere that says times are hard and to hell with you people who have been faithful and loyal. Here's your 2%, based on merit of course. For years I was an over performer at the expense of my sanity, my family and my dreams. It's Poopie's turn now.

I stopped by Gigi's today for a chat and a swim with the yummy sand and oil stuff that blog fairy sent. We talked about Sheila's victory party after she retained her job of 25 years as county property assessor. Very impressive results Ms.Thang! I've been getting my hair did for about 35 years by my high school buddies who do it up right and I went by today for a cut. Ain't nothing like new hair to make a girl feel better. We were able to afford some real sudafed yesterday and damn it feels good to be able to breathe. All this global warming and toxic spraying has done a real number on everybody's allergies, plus all the dust. We finally got enough rain this morning to settle it. Thank you Big Ernie.

I'm avoiding the chicken places because seriously I don't want to see anybody preaching or kissing while I eat. We don't cook anymore around here, which is a shame because we're really good at it. Going to the store in our food desert requires a six mile trip through the most heavily congested part of 51 by-pass. Plus there's the money thing and the energy to cook and wash dishes manually thing. We tend to go light these days.

Over and out from the lane and TGIF ^j^

Thursday, August 2, 2012

put me on speed dial

There are times in your life when it's just all too much and one has to say "I give." Today was my personal letting go of the universe and it feels mighty fine ya'll. Of course I've done it a million times before but this time it was a no brainer with a definitive line drawn in the sand on a conference table between old friends. I had to park a mile block away because of the downtown 'burg street improvements. Nothing pisses my brother off more than seeing grant money spent on a downtown district that has sucked hind tit to big box alley for the past 20 years. One of BG's many food service jobs was at a little corner bistro called Southern Sisters that was frequented by the uptown folks. Damn good food and healthy too.

The evil bug like contraptions have been moving around the neat rows of cotton, spraying the hell out of 'em to make up for the loss on corn. Even if we can't afford to eat, there will be cotton for clothes if the USA ever decides to do it the easy way. Considering today's news, I don't look for that to happen. Dodged a couple of bullets at the sawmill today which was my bossfriend's birthday. WE celebrated with pizza and ice cream cake yesterday and she had saved one piece for her hub which was still there with his name on it. We scarfed that sucker down at lunch like it was the last supper. Happy birthday to my salsa sister!

North county farmer friend can hardly contain herself with the way that things seem to be coming together for that neck of the woods. Lake county is where the earthquake of 1812 caused the Mighty Mississippi to form Reelfoot Lake which is a pure gem for nature enthusiasts. There's eagles and EVERYTHING! The little hawk that I rescued from Pecan Lane got picked up by the TWRA dude and delivered straight to the cypress trees. I seriously love it when that happens.

As for our little piece of paradise, it's still hot as hell. The burn ban has been lifted but it's too steamy to even consider lighting a pile so that can wait 'til my birthday next month. Maybe it'll be below 100 by then. We can only hope.


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

hump day humor

Most everybody in the work world acknowledged today as hump day, even though for me personally it was like a Monday because I was off for two days. It sucked just as much today as it would have two days prior. We had drama at the sawmill and of course there's always drama down the hill at Casa Grands. I called to get a refill for her today and was told that "the doctor had already called that in". Hmm. Somebody's not wanting to let go of the little things. Most of the time when she and daddy try to "fix" something, it ends up in a thousand pieces. The thunderstorm bent his flag pole so he and a neighbor chopped it off and screwed it in. Not quite as tall, but it works. Another neighbor picked up the limbs that were every freakin' where after that storm. Too late for the corn, but beans and cotton will do fine. Except the plants that got smooshed when my favorite pecan tree fell into the field, trunk and all. Nice paper shells, ya'll. I mourn!

I haven't watched much of the the UK goings on but I did see where those girls got in trouble got game fixing. Personally, the only difference I see between that and betting on the side of football games is that these contestants should be all about personal best as a team and giving fans who paid major money a reason for being there. At least they're not making millions off of logo sales.

The heat has returned with a vengeance and a lot more moisture in the air...what we like to call "humiditay" here in the south. I have an appointment with a friend and adviser tomorrow to talk about some of the things that are rattling around in my brain concerning my parents. Mr. Milton plays the flute and is older than my mom and dad. Mama informed me that she has booked him to play while Joe sings at her funeral. Venue to be decided later. Her request? Morning has broken. She remembers it from when Cat Stevens did his version during my teenage years. I asked whom we should hire if he's dead first and she had to study on that one.

Most of the time I am harried and worn, trying to make a living and have a little fun when it comes along. Lately there hasn't been much. I think a lot of the frenzy is to keep me from feeling the sadness of losing my parents as I have known them. I've watched as one right after another of their friends die, realizing that their day is coming and that even though I may be a hot mess, I'm doing my part while it counts with them. Hey. Somebody's gotta be the big girl.

We have been in this mode for five years, dodging hospitals and office visits, co-pays , haircuts and whatnot until everybody is out of ideas. The next phase will include more hours of in-home care if the $$ comes through. Until then, it's status quo unless there's a broken something. I could honestly just fall into a heap and cry myself to sleep, but I know how bad that makes 'ya feel the morning after so I'm up for some distraction until bedtime. It's amazing to lay there and watch the sunset over that familiar landscape. Just like I figured it would be all those years ago.