it is what it is

Lots of time in life, we find ourselves asking why.  We moan and we groan about our circumstances, and I'm guilty as hell.  I do take ownership of my part and try to do better, especially when it comes to money.  I love to cook but it's expensive so I eat out so I don't have to wash dishes or go to Kroger.  I have been very frugal of late, and will continue that pattern for the rest of my life.  Had I been wiser earlier, I might not be struggling right now.  But then again, who knows.  

Retirement at 62 seemed to be the only way out for me because of multiple health problems that included two bad shoulders requiring surgery.  Medicare didn't kick in until AFTER I had the ostomy surgery and even now, I'm paying for supplies that are not covered in the form of a hefty co-pay.  Yes, I am alive and still grateful.  Were it not for the generosity of friends and family I would have been in debtors prison long ago.  I have zero credit card debt because I don't have one.  Following a Chapter 13 bankruptcy which I paid in full my income is minimal yet I make "too much" to get any sort of assistance. I talked with a young lady the other day who had left a 24 dollar a year factory job because of strict rules and a bitch supervisor.  I was floored at that amount because when I retired I was making 27 and some change as a degreed healthcare professional with severe burnout.  I still don't regret walking away from it.  My job was filled the minute I was gone by someone less qualified but younger and eager.  That's the way of the world these days.  Most employers don't recognize the value of loyalty and dedication.  They use you until you no longer serve their purpose.

And, it has always been thus and so.  Back in the day at the hospital when somebody retired after years of service it was a big deal with a cake and reception.  There was no cake for me or any of the others.  The powers that be just rotated in the younger ones and upgraded staffing so that the job got done.  It is a real truth that the more you give, the more they expect.  I spent countless hours off the clock answering phone calls and doing paperwork at home.  That was my bad.  Corporate does not care.  

I don't feel sorry for myself one bit because there are others who are dealing with a lot worse.  I pray for them and for clarity in my own life.  I know that God hears me and understands my heart.  I don't think he values productivity except when it comes to treating others with compassion and understanding like his son did.  Miracle working, so to speak.

Y'all be blessed ^j^

in training

Whoa.  I can tell I've been sitting on my ass for two months.  Today was a wakeup call for this old gal in amongst a sea of young women who taught me how to do what's on the agenda du jour.  Y'all be patient with me . I don't know the menu from a hole in the ground at this point.  Love ya.  Mean it. Last week's injury still isn't healed but I think it helped to use it instead of being on the keyboard.  It's too hot for a heating pad so I'm transitioning to ice packs. That should save on the AC.  The prodigal son Al is still hanging around and evidently eating okay.  He ain't been in this house nor will he be until he learns manners like don't require a litter box.  I'm serious dude.

So now I have two side gigs to keep things lively.  Truth be told, I had pretty much given up after Joy died and personal troubles got real.  Looking back, I can see that it was a huge transition for me.  Getting real with it has been hard but brings peace in a lot of ways.  When you can't fix it, give it to God ^j^

  

prayers and naproxen

Well, the old adage about day number three being the worst for trauma held true this time around.  It was Wednesday night that I fell off the bed and injured myself.  I took the last of the pain medicine and laid down early last night and woke up in excruciating pain, no.  I never went to sleep.  After trying to find a comfortable position in the bed ( impossible ) I decided to try the recliner sometime in the wee hours of this morning.  It helped.  A lot.  So much that I was able to doze off for a bit.  Still, it was iffy when I got up to face the day.  I have never had a rib injury and never want one again.  It hurts to breathe!

Sooo, I sent a message to my Sunday School peeps about why I was absent (again!) and they prayed for me.  Those prayers and a couple of naproxen did a world of good during the hour that I watched church online.  My biggest fear was that I wouldn't be able to start the job on Tuesday but if this holds, I'm good.  Thank you Koinonia and Jesus!

Bubba visited Shiloh yesterday during his weekend at Pickwick and sent pictures.  I haven't been there in many years and it was impressive.  That is his go to vacay place these days.  Al the tabby has been living under the house and came out to get fed yesterday.  I can't afford that from  this point forward.  I didn't feed him at all when he was here before and he left.  So, uh.  Now he's back.  Lerd.  He will just have to catch field mice.

Thinking about my MIA guy and all the others who never came back.  Memorial Day is all about them.  I promise to be more light hearted and optimistic.  Sometimes you just have to go with what life gives you and deal with it one day at a time ^j^

the power of love

Girl, please.  I hit that floor so hard my ears are still ringing.  Thankfully I can still move around and work it out.  The x-ray showed arthritis in my right shoulder, which I already knew.  It's been cleaned out and repaired once already.  I don't even think those two shoulder repairs are on my medical history.  They were brutal, but nothing compared to a replacement.  OMG.  That was offered to me post-op but mobility would cease above the waist and I'm short, so there ya' go.  There's nobody me!  

 I am totally hooked on the grilled chicken sammich at Piggin' Out in Dyersburg.  Great price and service and also yummy food.  I feel kind of like Alton Brown checking out all the food trucks and local places.  Me and the Dyersburg bunch plus Joy have hit them all.  I got a wonderful surprise in the mail yesterday from my friend Kathy in Florida.  They are handmade and full of caring.  She heard I was down so voila!   We go wayyy back to Alice Thurmond.

The weather is amazing and a gift from God for sure.  I don't mind watering plants on the deck if it's not hot as hades.  I love to grill but there is almost always a wind down here and it's hard to keep a fire going.  The corn box around me should fix that little problem.  This is my new normal.  So much for Fiji.  Hey, it was a nice dream!

If you are off for Memorial Day, thank someone who gave their life for this country.  My war memories are mostly of Vietnam, Desert Storm and Iraq/Afghanistan.  In each instance I was against putting American citizens at risk in the middle of feuding halfway across the world.  I think that our President is walking a fine line right now with Ukraine, Russia, China, NoK et.al.  Hell the whole world is at war.  And you know what?  It has always been thus and so according to my Daddy and Billy Yates.  I mean, it's right there in the Bible.  All you gotta' do is leave room for the spirit to work^j^

 

i had a dream

It was a bad one and reached far back into my memory of a time that I was totally ambushed and betrayed by some people at work.  In the dream I lying on the floor facing them and for some reason I rolled toward them and fell out of the dang bed!  WHOP on the hardwood.  The major point of impact was my right side and it hurt.  A lot.  Soooo, I went to the doctor and got an x-ray.  Nothing was broken but sometimes bruises hurt worse than breaks.  That's where I'm at.  It hurts to breathe.  The worse pain I've EVER had was a bruised tailbone.  It took six weeks for that to resolve after Ellie pulled me down on the pavement smack on my butt.  Which was only three months post-op from the big one.  

The whole world is mourning Tina Turner, both young and old.  She was an icon and they are all aging just like me.  In spite of my age, I applied for a job today and start next week.  It won't pay the rent or electric if SS doesn't hit but, it's something.  I'm wondering if all us retirees can sue the government or something if they fail to pay us what we earned through years of hard work.  Even if it's late, that's a problem. I retired in good faith that it would be there for me and now a political showdown is causing us all to worry about not having grocery or gas money.  Disgusting. Those of you who are still employed will be affected too.

I'm sick of all of it.  If I end up in a cooling shelter because I don't have the money to pay Forked Deer Electric the government will be paying the cost for that.  What's the difference?  I guess because the cost is shifted from the federal to the state level.  Which in Tennessee means we're all screwed.  I'm about to become a vegetarian and not by choice.  A pack of chicken breasts costs as much as half a tank of gas.  Seafood is outrageous as are all other meats.  So, let us eat purple hull peas.

On a side note, I lost my distance glasses somewhere today on my way from here to there and home.  Both places I went looked, and they were nowhere to be found *sigh*  This too shall pass.  

Y'all enjoy your holiday weekend/beginning of summer.  I'll be right here with the critters doing what I always do.  Keeping the faith ^j^

let them be little

Reaves graduated from pre-K today and looked absolutely precious in a little pink smocked dress that matches her pink glasses.  There were two classes together that did the program and received certificates and whatnot.  I got up way early to get there by 9 and Lauren drove us to Denmark.  I would have NEVER found it by myself!  She was thrilled to have all of her people there together for this great event.  They did several songs but as they walked out one by one and waved goodbye to their teachers the song "Let Them Be Little" played and lots of us lost it.  The ugly cry y'all.  I rarely wear makeup so I was ready for the tears to roll.  I also got to see Lauren's cat Ophelia in person.  She's a sweetie.

It's warm and humid again and was sweltering inside that little school room.  I'm so short I got stuck behind all the tall people and couldn't see much but by golly I was there and she knew it.  I have a job opportunity that will likely start soon so there's that to get me outta' the house and help with the shrunken income around here.  I just hope I don't drop somebody's food on the way to the table.  That wouldn't be cool at all. 

Still interviewing and writing a bit here and there but there's not much money in that.  I'm grateful for the opportunity though.  It helps put gas in the car to get where I'm going.  It's amazing how much less I use now unless I go to Jackson.  

I'm sitting here looking at a recent framed picture of Reaves and wondering how we got to where things are now.  I long for the days when I saw her every week and we played outside here or went swimming at the "big pool."  She loves growing things and always helped me plant and water.  

She's a big girl now but it seems like only yesterday she was potty training.  I pray for her to be happy and healthy and remember the good times.  I know that I do ^j^ 

i see you

Lauren and I talked in between door dashes today about a lot of things.  She and I have both been kind of grieving some stuff and it helps to talk about things.  That's how you feel heard.  If someone has lived it with you, they know what you know.  There is a lot to be said for validation like that.

I took a couple of Benadryl and slept with the windows open last night and woke up chilly!  And stopped up!  I will do anything to save money at this point.  With the AC running it's about five bucks a day.  I have been doing the math lately and umm...unless we have a really cool summer I'm screwed.  I went to the 'gentral today to get a few essentials and ran into a friend and former church member.  I watched online today because I'm still reclining for about 12 hours at a time and using ice packs on my jaw.  That and a heating pad do miracles.

Speaking of the Holy Spirit, it sure does move in mysterious ways.  Today is Ascension Sunday at the UMC which is where Jesus actually went to heaven.  Next is Pentecost and y'all surely know that story what with the tongues of fire and all that.  During the pandemic we celebrated that particular day out in the parking lot.  Dakota did a fabulous job with the sound effects which was a whole lot of different languages blended together as one as they got touched by the flame.  I was mesmerized. We had a lot of services like that.  Dogs were welcome to ride on in and Stella went to one with me and Kaykay.  Oscar rode along one week with me and LP.  My kinda' church.

Disciples tend to get creative when times are tough and believers need something to hang onto.  That pandemic started while I was almost dead at Baptist East from abscessed diverticulitis.  For some reason, I survived that.  I reckon it's time for me to find out why.  Or die trying.  I've always been scared of death because I can't imagine not being on this wonderful earth anymore.  Sometimes I doubt my faith because of that fear, but I think it's normal.  Lately a peace has come to me because I know that I have lived a good life and done the next right thing.  I've broken several of the commandments but because of Christ's sacrifice, I am forgiven.  Until you admit it and walk the walk there is no hope, faith or peace.

I am weary with the hatred and violence and blaming.  Inclusion is what Jesus would do.  In parable after parable He reached out to the least of these and provided what was needed.  We should do that, as we can.  Just by doing the next right thing ^j^

plan c

It appears that my future may be in Jackson because that's where my people and doctors are.  Maybe they have nice independent living facility where they don't take my whole income, which is in jeopardy right now because of all that bullshit in Washington.  Our governor surprised me today by introducing gun legislation  that includes red flag.  Not that any gun company will abide but, it's a start. He has a whole lot of other fish to fry in this totally effin' red state.  I've been following Trae Crowder for many years before he became a rock star.  This dude came from the poorest of the poorest in Cellina where their hospital closed and he was MAD!  You see, there are redneck liberals.  I'm one of them.  We understand what it's like to grow up in the south and have to play the games.  Curtsy and write thank you notes, umkay?

The south has always been a hotbed for racial politics.  Because of that, many conservatives and evangelicals want to erase the history of that because it is "woke."  I call bullshit.  I believe in a woman's right to make her own healthcare decisions.  It was established long ago when I was a senior in high school and now it's all about politics and saving the embryo.  Who is going to take care of these children?  Hopefully it will go something like this.  The churches who condemn abortion and save babies will help their mothers to get on their feet and figure out how to raise one.  That takes time and patience and money.  

Reaves got to ride a tram today and looked kind of excited but she's onto another adventure.  Dat baby asked me about Rosie and Oscar the other day and wanted to know when she can come see them.  Ask your daddy, Elizabeth.  I'm glad you're having fun and about to graduate.  I will be there with bells on ^j^  

to the max

I have osteoarthritis and have found that recently my long damged left TMJ is flaring because I tend to sit with my hand propped on my jaw.  I sleep that way too.  Part of it the problem is that there are no back teeth on that side.  I got a partial for the lower but it irritated my gums so bad I couldn't use it.  What I'm facing is probably a full mouth extraction and dentures.  That will require some very careful planning of insurance benefits.   As we say in the south, "how niiice."  

Carol treated me for lunch today and gave me a hanging basket and some leftovers.  Now that's a good friend!  We chuckled about how Mark would be jealous that he missed fish.  I go way back with her family since they lived in Samaria Bend while we all kids.  Except she wasn't born yet.  On the spot where that house was, my other friend Patsye's family live.  What goes around comes around.

I was so full of fried food that I watched a real tear jerker of a movie with Tom Hanks.  I've always been a fan and this was his best yet, I believe.  The casting was amazing!  

So, it's still muggy and warm but those two days of low humidity were sweet.  I can tell I'm spending too much time on the keyboard from the way my body is scrunched up.  "Like a cooked shrimp" is how one friend described the position.  Not.Healthy.

It's almost time for the annual debate about the difference in Memorial Day and Veteran's Day.  I have so much respect for anybody who served that I tend to co-celebrate the holidays.  Somewhere in this house I have an MIA bracelet that I bought back in high school.  Lt. James Herrick, I believe.  His body was never recovered.  I was against that war and all the others that followed.  Not our business.  IMO that is why the government is broke.  Think about the jillions of dollars left on the ground from all of Iraq and Afghanistan.  We cannot afford to save the world.  Everybody is screaming that we are out of money yet the powers that be don't want the defense budget cut.  They are gonna' need some homeland security when those SS checks don't hit.  Just sayin'

Y'all be safe and love your neighbor ^j^ 

neighborhood watch

I spend a lot of time on my front porch watching the cars go by.  The guy who lives across the road from me doesn't walk too well and I saw him fall awhile ago right when the kid got off the school bus.  So of course, I called his sister.  I knew better than to walk over there or call 911.  Sometimes folks don't appreciate that.  Anywho, she's gonna'check on it.  

Today I have absolutely zero motivation even though the weather is to die for.  Humidity is gone and temps are pleasant.  There is so much that I WANT to do but my body fails me.  I got a message from BG that she was on the way to ER late this morning and had lost her phone.  I reckon she did messenger from work?  I called the ER and they told her to "call me" but she probably doesn't know my number because "cell phone" lack of memory.  I don't even know hers.  I just touch her name.  How did we ever survive before the cell phone age???

She got one before I did so I could try and keep up with her as a teenager running wild.  We didn't have the tracking back then so I just had to settle.  I hope to Jesus that Reaves doesn't have one anytime soon what with all the pedophiles and whatnot.  Especially no internet access.  I still remember the number of my long gone land line.

I am losing faith here in everything and everybody but God.  I trust Him to see me through whatever happens.  This is not my usual upbeat post.  Sometimes?  You just need to be heard ^j^

red alert

I don't know about y'all but I'm smothering right now.  The air is so thick with pollen that you can't breathe!  This is typical for July but not May.  Not here.  But hey...the corn is soaking up that rain!  So is my yard.  Mayberry has only mowed twice this year but here came the monsoons.  Maybe another on the way.  

My body feels this cool front coming through.  It won't be "cool cool" but less "i can't breathe!"  The wasps are out on a mission so it's time to make the paperbag hack that Gay told me about.  It seriously works.

Other than bitching about the weather I got nothing.  Y'all be safe and happy.  And always remember who you are ^j^

...it's the humidity

I can take the heat but southern humidity kills me.  Every year it takes more time to adjust to the hot stuffy soup that is our weather.  When we have days on end of it, it's brutal.  The rains that are helping things grow feed the moisture and it's a hot mess.  And the cottonwood is flying!  I am thankful for air conditioning.  Church was wonderful this morning with all the kids taking over the service and a wonderful guest preacher, Robert Craig.  What I see more and more these days is that we are a team and the laity steps up to make things happen.  All the United Methodists in this area are community oriented.  Next Saturday is Spring Fling where we go out and do unto others.  I can't wait!

I got to talk with Lauren and Reaves last night with a "Happy Mother's day Eve" message.  That's a thing with me and my daughter.  We tend to celebrate every day, even the eves.  She is door dashing today hoping to make some extra money on this day of days.  We talked before church this morning and thanked each other for what we are which is a team.  She is much more patient and giving to Reaves than I was when she was five.  I gave birth to her at 29 which was kind of late for our era.  For years I never thought I would be pregnant and then....boom.  There came Lauren Elizabeth.  For a long time, she was the only grandchild of Billy and Janice, and was spoiled accordingly.  

Mom was great.  When LP was 2 she kept her for a week while we went on a rafting trip on the Ocoee.  I called to tell Mama we would be a day late gettin' home and she said okay but I could tell she was tired.  I guess she was in her sixties then.  Thanks Mama.  She had sleepovers every Friday evening so I could have porch time with my girlfriends where we drank Miller ponies and tried to maintain sanity. Sometimes there was wine but I don't like that much.  Gives me a headache.

We are strong women, the whole crew of us.  Sitting with my cousins this morning and my BFF, I enjoyed just being together. Extended family knows where you've been and how we got here.  Olivia seriously rocks a hat and Charlie is a precious boy growing up fast.  

Y'all stay cool and keep the faith ^j^   

happy mother's day

There are many ways to be a mother.  If yo' mama ain't around, somebody always steps in to give you that motherly kind of love.  I was fortunate to have mine until the age of 82 but her suffering was great.  Loss of vision was the biggest thing that took her world away.  All of the things that she liked to do like playing bridge and reading and being on the computer became non-options.  

When I was growing up she was the one who kept things on the right track.  She worked full-time and raised three kids here on the farm.  And she always made everything special.  Holiday meals were themed and took days to prepare.  Unfortunately, I did not inherit that talent.  What I got from her was a love of writing and photography.  

I visited with a couple of friends today and then dropped by to get a few flowers for myself for Mother's Day.  I got out for eleven bucks which is the cheapest ever in history.  Of course I had to ask about the heavy police presence yesterday and got the story from them.  Dude tried to jump buildings and fell!

I read on the interwebs today that the woman who created Mother's Day is sorry she did it.  Indeed, it is a very commercial thing now.  I also read about how hospitality workers absolutely HATE working on that day.  People are late and want the best service ever for Mama on that particular day.  Why not just treat Mom without the crowds. 

Happy day to all you 'mothas no matter who you raised.  It takes a village ^j^

walking away

Oscar and I went for our walk again this morning which was day 3.  My shins feel it!  I head toward the river which is not hard to do out here.  It's about a half mile but for a sedate old lady that's a good workout.  If I get some more training in maybe I can walk down to the that little graveyard in Gerald's woods.  It's such a beautiful peaceful place.

When I was a kid I went down there a lot to be by the river.  That was before it got all grown over. It's kind of treacherous to try it now.  Once when I didn't remember how old I am, Lauren and I were visiting that plot and I SLID down the 3 foot hill and tore my hamstring.  I couldn't sit right for three months and the entire leg turned black.  I have no doubt that the reason I didn't get a clot is because I kept moving in the coming days.  

When we lived on the hill I literally crawled through the woods across the road with my camera. Daddy called me "Dick Flowers." You would have to be old school Dyersburg to get that!   I can't help it.  I got it from Mama!  She always had a camera and everybody rolled their eyes when she assembled us.  Usually we were around the table just chowing down on her good food.  My favorite family pic ever is of Bubba, Mom and Daddy, Tommy, Yvette and me and Lauren.  I named it "the cast."  

Reaves pulled her own tooth last night and is so proud of herself.  The tooth fairy came of course!  There are a lot of baby teeth to come out so the fairy better start saving up.  I had my own personal fairy one time.  Known as The Blog Fairy, this person gifted me anonymously for a long time, sensing my moods and frustration with life.  That was actually a God thing.  I always wondered but never knew who the fairy was.  It's better that way.  ^j^

the graduate

Today was senior Sunday at church and I watched online because I'm laying low these days and taking care of Poopie.  For the first time in weeks, there is no diarrhea today, praise the Lord!  I know y'all get tired of hearing about her shenanigans and I'll try to do better about subject matter.  

Oscar and I went for a walk today and as I was walking back toward the house I mentally compared what it looks like now compared to the old 1930ish photo of the original log cabin on a gravel road from that same perspective.  I do so love the history of this place.  

It's almost Mother's Day and then graduation.  It doesn't seem like 50 years since I graduated from DHS but it has been.  46 years since I graduated from college.  I kind of flew through high school without studying a lot but college was different.  WAY different.  After two years at DSCC which were relatively painless I hit U of M and after that UTCHS where they don't play.  Living in a dorm was a real eye opener for me, especially sharing a room with a local girl that I didn't know too well.  She married early and we lost touch.  At UT, I had my own crackerbox room that my parents paid for along with spending money.  The coursework was so hard and I was so into my boyfriend that they knew I couldn't work that last year.  God bless them for taking out a loan to get me through. I suppose I owe my brothers 1500 each because they chose not to go!  I think they were the smart ones. I was really homesick, especially that last year.  I remember calling Mama about three months from graduation and telling her I just "couldn't do it."  She drove her ass to Memphis and convinced me otherwise.  Thanks Mom!

At  my graduation ceremony there were a gazillion of us from UTCHS at the Colliseum. I have pictures somewhere and a weathered diploma. I never had an "office" to hang it in so it's just been laying around all these years.  Most of my classmates have retired from long and successful careers.  The College of Allied Health includes everybody outside of medicine, nursing, dentistry and pharmacy.  Clinical lab.  RT.  PT.  Dental Hygiene. Occupational therapy.  I know I've left somebody out.  Oh...Histology and Cytology.

What stands out to me as I look back on my career is how well we all worked together as a team to provide quality care.  We knew and trusted each other well enough to not be offended if somebody points out a mistake or a different way to do things.  At the end of the day, we put aside our differences and figured things out.  Were there politics?  Oh yeah.  Corporate healthcare breeds that.  Corporate anything does.  That's why I love "The Office" so much.

Peace and Grace and Happy Mother's Day and Happy Gradutation ^j^

  

on a scale of 1 to 10

Today is a solid 5 compared to yesterday's 1, which I see as an improvement.  Hopefully there will be a rise in the days to come.  I went to bed last evening and waited for dark to fall behind the shades in my bedroom.  All I wanted was for my mind to stop racing with worry and doubt.  Eventually, that happened but there were still tears left over this morning which I spilled all over several folks on the phone.  

After that, Oscar and I went for a walk down Samaria Bend which he totally loves, and I needed badly.  I'm doing some research on a story that "should have" already been written but I've had a bad week so there ya' go.  I am learning that there is not much interest in feature stories which is what I love.  If you will meet me somewhere and my phone is charged up, let's talk.  

Everybody has a story, bottom line.  And everybody aches to tell their story.  I have done that a million different ways in my life including writing in a daily diary that my mama gave me every year for Christmas.  My blog is a journal to me.  I can't write so well anymore and need a keyboard to tell my stories.  

My mother's diaries are filled to the brim with what we did and what was on the menu!  Y'all know how she was with the pictures!  I still have a tub full of albums in the attic and one down here.  Hey, it's only been 7 years and a lifetime.  I think that's how we honor the wishes of our friends and family.  When the time comes, do a Marie Kondo on the whole deal and declutter.

I choose to leave the past behind and look forward.  Life is too short to not enjoy every moment of every day.  Rest when you need to, live laugh and love....and do the next right thing ^j^

on being the princess

My biggest thrill, besides cuddling when she was a baby, has been to see Reaves live the magical life of a young child.  Her fun and laughter are contagious!  She can be a bit demanding at times, but he also plays well by herself with that vivid imagination of hers.  There is a baby in the ivy covered tree that gets fed.  

Ranting about guns yesterday wore me out and I swore I would never stir that pot again..Not because it's not important, but because we will never agree on the issue.  My friend Keith pointed out that it's not the gun, which is true.  Something has happened in this world to make people crazy and mean.  I think that social media plays a big part what with all the copy cats.  Each one wants to go down in glory for that one moment in fame.  

Some say it can all be fixed with charter schools and forced religion in public schools.  Texas is about to post the 10 Commandments again.  I suppose maybe they need to see that.   I know that I've broken a few of them and Jesus still loves me.

I firmly believe in separation of church and state.  That one is in the constitution too.  

We tend to pick and choose which rules to follow whether biblically or politically.  To me, the answer is honest conversation with no money involved about how we can all get along.  I'm enough of an old hippie to believe that can happen.  Love ya...mean it ^j^ 

enough is enough

Will any of you be honest enough to tell me WHY you need an AR-15?  I see no use for these weapons other than military and or law enforcement yet they are every freakin' where and being used to murder innocents on a daily basis.  Please don't give me the "mental health" excuse.  It is much easier to get a gun than to get mental health care in this country.  We are past the point of thoughts and prayers y'all.  It is time for action and unfortunately a lot of politicians are in the bed with the NRA.  Money talks, ya know.  

I am not anti-gun.  I am anti-repeating weapons.  If you need this to hunt with, you are a very bad shot. If you get off on owning one because of the powerful feelings it gives you, you are the problem.  Not everyone has evil motives with this type of weapon, but a lot of people do and they can be stolen and used for mass murder.  

Our local high school supposedly got a "false report" today of an active shooter.  I suppose that is today's equivalent of the bomb threats of my youth.  How many more innocents need to die before something is done?  "Vote" I am told.  I feel pretty helpless because my vote doesn't count anymore.  Everyone from Trump on down cries election fraud when they don't get their way.  This sows discord and a lack of belief in our electoral system.  Conspiracy theories abound, and people are stupid enough to follow like sheep.  THAT is the problem.  When people like that have access to firearms, it's never good.  It's still baffling to me that the Jan 6th insurrection happened at all, and in plain view with the blessings of the instigator himself.  Our country is sick and I feel powerless to do anything other than pray for the best.

My granddaughter is five years old, the age of many of the kids killed at Sandy Hook.  The burden has been put on schools to protect children like her and it is an enormous task.  Teachers and administrators should not have to add fear of getting killed by a lunatic with a gun who is on a mission.  I had a mini-meltdown and talk with God yesterday.  Unsure of the cause of my anguish I worked through it with Him until I finally confessed "I'm scared."  I am scared of the world today and the lack of civil engagement.  For every random act of kindness, there is another act of violence for no reason.  I'm scared of what will happen to me if the debt ceiling is not raised and I lose my only source of income.  I'm scared of growing old alone.  

Most days I can pray and ask for guidance and find some peace. Other days feel overwhelming.  This is not a lack of faith.  It is a reality check for all of us.  

Do the next right thing ^j^

windy

I can't remember the last time the wind wasn't howling down here around the cabin.  It's a daily fight to keep the car on the road just going to town!  It never ceases to amaze me how many dead armadillos line the sides of the road.  When I was a child I thought they all lived in Texas but I guess they've migrated over the years.  

My life is pretty boring these days and there is some comfort in that.  I see right now as sort of a passage to the next chapter, whatever that is.  I spent a lot of years with little or no time to myself so it's nice to just be for days at a time.  Poopie continues to give me problems but that's become the new normal.  

Mostly I hang out with Oscar and Rosie and pass the time.  I pulled a huge scab off of Rosie's neck yesterday, the remnants of that gosh awful wound she had.  We are perfect for each other, the three of us.  I'd probably be lonely without them for sure.  I never had inside pets when I was a kid.  We had dogs and cats outside, chickens back in the day, cattle and even a crow named Petey.  

Like my mother, I love to sleep.  I remember Daddy getting mad because she would still be in the bed when Ms Faye came, demanding her muffin with butter from command central.  They fought over the TV, even though there were two of them.  Daddy became a TV addict once he became homebound.  Part of Bubba's job was maintaining television service when the power went out which involved a generator.  He was THAT serious.  

I keep telling myself "you're only as young as you feel."  Ahem.  I just count my blessings when I see another sunrise.  Or thunderstorm.  Or being alive.  One day at a time ^j^