Friday, July 16, 2010

the money pit

I live about 1 mile from our homeplace and pay out the ass for the privilege of being close to my parents in case somebody loses the remote or their mind. Dude raised the rent on Jan 1 of this year which just about busted my budget out of the water, what with the poor insulation, crappy windows and high utility bills. That was my daddy's legacy to it on the cheap and reap what you sow. I reckon it's a throwback to growing up during the great depression as a sharecropper's son. Frontotemporal dementia and blindness from macular degeneration add to the mix that is our reality. They're not "ready yet". Go figure that one.

I respect who they are and how they have lived their lives. Tomorrow, my daddy will be another year older and that's really close to 80. He doesn't care about birthdays or holidays anymore....just about the remote and controlling his universe. Mom cries a lot but won't give it up, even though she knows that it's not safe for either of them to be alone together. Somehow or another, I've turned into the bad guy in all of this and that? Breaks my heart. Once a man, twice a child.

I remember when he used to go bowling and play penny poker with his buddies. He has given himself away over and over again during an entire lifetime, trying somehow to find happiness. Mostly that was in the yard or in the fields, mending those barbed wire fences by hand and chasing cows through the cornfield. There was little time for things like bonding with our family. He never once laid a hand on me, but I remember him chasing my brothers around and around in the yard with a belt just waiting for one of them to stop. Mom slapped me smooth across the face once. That was the extent of my abuse, and I definitely deserved it for being a smartass.

We are one dog up tonight with Meko boarding while his family vacations in St Louis. I think she likes baths, so it sounds like we're headed to the tub in a bit. All's well that ends well.


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